r/Perimenopause

I'm 51 and based on what every single woman around me says and the internet, I'm perimenopause and I should get hormones or hormonal vag cream asap before my vagina dries up and dies.

I feel like while their issues are very real, I don't think I have symptoms.

However, their tales of dry, shrinking vaginas has me feeling anxious and like I should do something preemptively. I love my vag, ladies, and I'd like it to last!

I've had a very healthy life with very minimal health care interventions and very minimal prescription drug use, so I'm uncertain and totally uneducated about taking a hormonal cream or insert.

I've generally shied away from all things medical, I had 3 normal healthy happy pregnancies and easy childbirths at home. 2 births were so fast our midwives couldn't even get here!

My periods have been regular (for me) since I was a teen, and they are usually about a 25 day cycle. The symptoms of ovulation and menstruation have been the same for me since I was a teen, mild changes so I knew what was coming, but no cramps, very mild mood changes, occasionally some fluid retention. My flow is light and easy to manage and has always been.

My sleep patterns and cycles have been the same since I was a child (I generally only sleep for 6 hours a night) and I don't feel tired unless I've been over exerting myself or I'm stressed, or I get less than 6 hours. I am in bed longer than 6 hours, but of those 8 hours, at least two are spent reading. As a kid it was library books reading by lamp light, now it's online books without the need for a night light.

Same for brain fog type things. I've been considered spacy and distracted since I was a kid. It's generally been due to me not caring about the current circumstances (I'm bored and not paying attention to the stuff around me) or it's 100% stress related. If I'm in a stressful life situation, my ability to multitask and my mental acuity is less. My fully functional mental state comes back when I've dealt with the stressor.

Sex is great! I love it, my vag is not dry, nor has it ever been. That said, if I'm distracted or stressed, sex is NOT forefront in my mind. For example, I'm happy to have sex once or more a day on vacation, but that is not the case at home when there is work, and kids within earshot. I can easily go a week or more until the circumstances allow my mind to participate with my body.

I don't feel moody or hormonal. I have no idea what a hot flash feels like, but I've seen friends and family have them and they look awful! I don't have UTI's, I don't think I've ever had one.

My waistline increased a few years ago, but much of that was due to retiring from farming and my activity level changed significantly. I've been working hard at portioning and not gulping my food down like I only have 2 minutes to eat, which has also been something I've done since I was a kid. I've reduced my waistline over the last few months.

But, I'm in my 52 year and everyone and every internet quiz says I'm perimenopause and my vagina is thinning out this very moment.

Is it worth looking into estrogen creams?

I want to be alone somewhere where I can scream and maybe break things and not be perceived for doing it.

I probably should have gone to the gym today 😅

Besides exercise, how do you deal with the rage?

My husband used an annoyed tone with me this morning and I’ve spent the rest of the day wishing I lived alone. Bets are I’m in the luteal phase.

Is this a peri thing or something else potentially? (Yes, I know you’re not doctors, what is your personal experience?) I’m reading that it could be, and right before my period they make sense. I’ve always been a “headachey” person and just get them quite easily, but these are full on migraines. I wake up in the morning with a headache and by noon I can’t function, sometimes I do vomit. Yes I know I need to see my doctor. It’s to that point now. I try my hardest not to take excedrine everyday but sometimes it’s necessary every other day. I can’t take NSAIDS, because of the headaches I’ve always had I took too much when I was younger and caused an ulcer. Ibuprofen is really the only thing that helps but that’s out. I only say I try not to take the excedrine daily because I don’t want the caffeine to cause a rebound headache when I don’t take it. Ugh 😣 just put me out of my misery 😆

My partner is leaving for almost a week on a 20 hour road trip to help his mother move and I’m getting so worked up about I’m getting physically sick. For context, I’m going through trauma therapy and have been diagnosed with panic disorder paired with CPTSD with adult separation anxiety. I go once a week and have been for 3 years, but just moved to a new therapist because of insurance issues.

I’m just dreading everything. I never used to be like this before a few years ago. now I’m a mess when he leaves. I’m going to be alone. I’m terrified for him on the road. I’ve tried so many different things to ground but nothing seems to work unless I sedate myself with medication. I hate this.

47f and in the last 6-8 months peri stress and mood issues came for me hard. I’ve always been pretty cheerful and even keeled and just didn’t feel like myself at all. It got pretty bad. I have a genuinely stellar husband and great kids and I was fantasizing about turning into a hedge witch and finding a nice quiet cottage in a bog somewhere.

I found a great peri provider, started on just progesterone for a month and that didn’t help (and may have made things a bit worse). I had a luteal phase that just absolutely kicked my ass. Reached out to my provider, got a same day appointment to adjust the HRT, added an estrogen patch, and started to feel better right away.

It’s been about three weeks and the only way I can describe it is I feel like myself again. Which sounds so simple to say, but it’s huge. And sweet baby Jesus, I’ve been putting it to the test — my aging parents (including my dad who is a narcissist with dementia, a winning combo, let me tell you) suddenly had multiple major health and house crises that I’ve had to help them deal with, and I’ve been able to just kind of get on with it and do what needs to be done. I am fairly certain that if I hadn’t had that relief from estrogen I would have absolutely broken.

I went swimming with my husband and kids yesterday and was just enjoying life and being around them. I was swimming underwater looking at the sun reflecting on the bottom of the pool and felt like such a cliche of the second half of a commercial for depression medication, after they get happy again. It made me laugh but also really appreciate the moment.

Anyway. Yay. I know it doesn’t work for everyone and I may still need to readjust in the future but I’m so grateful to have this relief.

Does anyone else feel like this stage is much harder on them than the people around them going through it? I think the only symptom i haven’t suffered from is frozen shoulder. My gyno and psychiatrist both told me that being a woman with adhd and going through it isn’t necessarily worse but louder. I was pretty smooth for a bit. Recently my estrogen and progesterone needed raised because of rage & 3am wake ups, sweats. Then BAM national shortage. I’m on week 5 with out hormones. It’s all back.

I have zero social battery. It’s exhausting to small talk. Nerve wrecking to do gatherings. I desire to be home in silence. Solitude! I’m barely getting through work because it’s a performance. Maybe I’m dramatic I feel dramatic. This whole thing is a train wreck to my life. I have the memory of a cracker & attention span of a squirrel. I’m sad because I am not me. I’m a social butterfly, funny outgoing. I enjoy living.

I just feel really alone in it.

Yesterday I cried watching a total stranger with a cosplay contest .

Today I saw a reel of a bride surprising her groom with a numchuck performance to the song from Mulan when she decides to join the army

Im used to sad dog videos making me cry but not random things happening to strangers.

Ive mostly been alone when this happens so my partner hasnt really viewed it. It will be a confusing time for us both.

Ive been on HRT for bit. I dont think it's necessarily a bad thing but it is something Im not used to and I dont feel like I can predict it.

Is this just the new normal for a while?

Being in peri for the last 8yrs - I've come to realise how inadequately prepared for this i was. My mum died 10yrs ago so I never got to ask her more about it, but at no stage did ANYONE tell me everything from itchy ears, frozen shoulder, plantar fasciitis and the hip pain, to name but a few.

I have asked my dad about what mum went through & his response was "her period stopped, that's all she experienced". My response was "dad, I love you, but that's entirely inaccurate cause her hair literally thinned out from this super thick lush mane to being like Cynthia from Rug Rats (Angelicas doll lol)".

Why was this so gate-kept? Cause I'm not sure i believe that simply no-one knew. From older female relatives, to many *many* Drs: was it simply not worth mentioning?!

The powers of social media knew i was AuADHD before I did and is teaching me more about this phase of life than literally any physical person *in* my life.

Tell me I'm not alone here. Were you told what Perimenopause would be like or what you'd likely experience? Or left to find out the scary truth for yourself first?

Anyone feel better on birth control than on HRT?

HRT works for many things but made other things worse and I can't tolerate utrogestan. Not orally, not vaginally.... so I'm thinking I maybe should have listened to the gynaecologist after my surgery. I'm off BC for more than 15 years and it's not my first choice at all. Will it also help tendonitis, joint and muscle pain etc? I do have hormonal migraines and I don't think bc is going to be good for that.. just looking at my options here. HRT gave me a new tinnitus sound but I have to say I was only on it for 2 weeks or so. Got scared.

New here!! Reading all the amazing threads, and learning about SO MANY symptoms my primary HAS NEVER MENTIONED!? What the heck?

Wondering if anyone’s experienced PMS symptoms worsening in perimenopause? Never really noticed mood swings before my period, sometimes just a bit more emotional couple days before.

BUT NOW, last 3 months or so, I’ve become an absolute EMOTIONAL DISASTER the entire week before. Full on hysterical sobbing over rescued dog video or just something nice someone said? Random bouts of just overwhelming sadness where I can hardly breathe and then, after a few hours, gone?

VERY OPEN to suggestions, I’ve been in therapy before if this is me finally losing my mind will absolutely seek professional help!

Me: Hey internet, I’m itchy all over all the time.
Internet: oh, you’re dying frfr
Me: I’m also perimenopausal
Internet: Nvm. That’s normal. Nothing you can do about it tho.

Anyone taken or takes DHEA? Currently taking oral progesterone and topical estrogen and I’m considering adding DHEA but I’ve heard the dosing can be tricky and too much can make you feel worse. Just curious what other experiences have been taking it.

After living in a city in the UK for most of my life, I moved out to a rural area and needed to learn to drive... Took me ages to find an instructor who worked for me, I was doing amazingly well and now here I am, test on Monday and my brain is mush. Can't remember anything, even if I can remember it, I can't put it into action.

Definitely can't tell my sweet middle aged Indian instructor that I'm horribly perimenopausal... He's totally baffled as to why I'm suddenly so sh*te!!!

Have pretty much resigned myself to failing and hoping my HRT is sorted (currently 4 weeks in) when my next test comes round...

It's just so frustrating to be so close and then get stabbed in the back by your own hormones 😑

Hi,

So I am hoping to get some insight from women in a similar situation as me - I have a regular 28-day period but started having extreme, physical anxiety for the two weeks leading up to my period (presumably after I ovulated). Only other symptoms are hand joint pain and urinary pain (like going to get UTI but then fine, and definitely not constant). No UTIs, no hot flashes, and as noted, totally regular periods. I started HRT but during the luteal phase, I was even worse, to the point I had chest tightness for over 24 hours leading me to the ER. I removed the patch and got better within 24 hours but still with this intense physical anxiety. Today, I started my period, and I feel back to normal.

For anyone who has experienced this, what were your first treatments with either birth control or HRT? I feel so at lost. And yes, I am seeing a medical provider but I guess I am looking for anecdotal advice because this extreme, doom-type feeling anxiety is just so horrible. I am fearing what is to come in two weeks.

Background - I am 46 years old with a 28 day cycle.

TIA!!!!

Tomorrow will be one year since my last period!! I can't believe it at all. There's one part of me that is so relieved because Perry was such a nightmare for me from between 41-45 I was a complete rack especially around my periods and I'm feeling so grateful got my hormones are starting to rebalance and I'm starting to thrive again.

But also WTF. I just turned 46. Even though my doctors have all confirmed it was scary it still feels to me like how can I have experienced this so early. No longer menstruating feels like I've lost a part of my Womanhood.

Any other young ones complete the journey and can relate.

I'm in my late 30's. I've done a CT scan, MRI and a ton of other tests. Nothing was found. I've got a referral to a neurologist and will be doing a memory test soon. It could be peri, though I was told peri wouldn't normally exhibit confusion or memory trouble this severe. I've been prescribed HRT and I'm hoping it fixes me.

For those who thought they had Alzheimer's or dementia, how long before that feeling went away?

I have trouble reading because I don't remember the beginning of a sentence by the time I get to the end. Math is hard - everything is hard. I get confused and can't think. I'm off work and can't even work on my hobbies because they require brain power too. (I think I need new hobbies. Maybe digging in the dirt or gardening.)

The way I see it, I'll only know these cognitive issues are peri if my brain starts working again now that I've started HRT. I do have other peri symptoms, but I need my brain back. I need hope.

I’m 47 and have been on HRT since early October last year. I have very dry skin which has gotten progressively dryer ofc. I have two micro skin tags on my lower upper arm that I have noticed the past few weeks. They are the size of the needle end of a pin. Not anywhere where there is friction. I’m 110# and have been consistently 110-120 my entire adult life minus pregnancies. One is on the back side and one is on the front. Is this hormone related? I’ve never had a skin tag.

I thought I’d mostly healed my relationship with my body and food during my 30s. Intuitive eating worked for me, I was a size I was comfortable with and finally began to enjoy clothes and life, generally. Without being consumed with thoughts of dieting and hatred towards my body.

Cut to now - I’m 40 and have, despite being more active this past year, eating healthy, home-cooked meals while prioritizing protein and fibre, been steadily gaining weight to the point that I can’t even fit into my ‘fat jeans’ anymore.

The hormone fluctuations are already giving me depression and anxiety, and now the body dysmorphia, food shaming monster is back full-force. I don’t need more enemies at this time. I miss the kind voice I worked so hard to develop. The one that reminded me to nurture the body that grew my favourite person.

And then there’s days when I just can’t move or get anything done. The anhedonia is scary. Like so what. I’ll surrender. Nothing matters. My body hates me and so does everyone else. Why work towards a goal when I’m already low on energy and it’s all going to backfire anyway. Eat the cookie, who cares. It doesn’t even taste like anything tbh. I’m always nauseous and can’t even enjoy food when I want to.

Also I can’t stop thinking of how the way we look at peri is a product of the patriarchal systems we live in. Maybe nature wants us to rest. I don’t wanna hustle anymore. For work, for fitness, for relationships. And I’m hurt that I spent all my youth pouring into systems that dgaf now that I have less to give.

I am looking into HRT but my point is, maybe I shouldn’t have to. Women were never meant to work 9-5 and the fact that we need to take drugs to pay bills and keep ourselves and our kids alive is highlighting the problems with the world we live in.

Biologically, my mind and body are ready to retire and live in a little cottage in the woods. Brain fog is only a problem when you’re living in a fast-paced world that requires us to be alert and do stuff like taxes and make doctor’s appointments. Money we pay to the powers that don’t care about us.

The world should accommodate our bodies as they exist naturally. I just wanna go somewhere and scream. Or not. Because I don’t have the energy for it.

For the first time I’ve changed my regular bar of Dove unscented soap to the AVEENO Calm and Restore body wash. The itchiness has become too much. It might sound dull but it’s a huge change for me. I’ve used it for two days now and I really like it so far. My skin feels so soft and smooth, I think it’s helping the itching! And, it really does leave you feeling clean. That was one of my concerns using a weak product that l leaves me feeling unwashed. I had tried a sample of the Dove microbiome body wash a long time ago and I hated it for that reason. Just thought I’d share since I know I’m not the only one going through this itchy peri nonsense.

I’m 31 but for the past 5 years I’ve been dry down there, I was the opposite before.

I’m really hoping it’s possible it can help, I’m so sick of using lube all the time.

My naturopath says it’s possibly my bipolar meds, but recently I got my hormones tested and estrogen was on the lower side.
So I’m waiting to do hormone testing for a month but after that I can try estrogen cream.