r/Perimenopause

47F, am I the only one to think their lives is boring as hell ??

Work has never been fulfilling despite having had such a central role in my life - been a lawyer for 20 years, ended up quitting a year ago mostly due to mental health issues which I now think I've always had. I'm now in a total limbo on what to do next and whether I want to get back to work at all. But what's sure is that I'll never end up being at the top the way I thought I would.

Husband of 20 years is the best roommate ever. He's been great at his role for the last 17 years i.e. ever since we had it first child. Compliments ? Demonstrations of love? Intimacy? Forget it all. I'm not even asking for passion. Simple words such as "you're beautiful, darling" would be enough for me to feel fulfilled for the next 4-5 years.

Kids ? 17 and 14 who each just can't wait to get out of the house for college. AND who just argue on every little thing you ask them to do - been this way ever since they learned to talk.

Friends and family are far away because of course we thought living in the countryside would make us happier than being in the big cities we had previously lived in for 15+ years.

Culture, occasions to meet people, take courses ....well for the same reasons as above they're just non-existent here.

I also feel unattractive as hell with all this grey hair, the weight I gained past 44, the aging skin...

I just end up daydreaming about what a cool life could be, but curious if it can still exist at 47. Is it over for good ? Was the fun part only until I got married and now it will be it until the end? I wish I had done more crazy things when I was younger then.

Anyone else not notice their body hair hadn't been growing for a while until hrt started the body hair factory again? I don't think I've shaved more than a couple times a month since I turned 40.

Has anyone with excessive daytime fatigue (without insomnia) been diagnosed with sleep apnea, narcolepsy, or idiopathic hypersolemnence and then later discovered that MHT (progesterone and/or estrogen) fixed their issue?

I have a PSG with next-day MSLT scheduled at the sleep center. But my PCP prescribed me oral progesterone. I was going to wait until AFTER my sleep study to start the progesterone, but I discovered in just a few days of a trial that progesterone ACTIVATES me. Like, so much that I had to take it in the morning...which made me NOT HAVE TO NAP.

I almost cried when I realized it was the progesterone keeping me awake all day. Because this excessive daytime fatigue has been DEBILITATING.

I'm stopping the progesterone until after the sleep study because I'm afraid it will mess with the tests.

Went to pick up the meds last night and the pharmacist comes up, whispering excitedly "They just came in last night - 3 months worth!!" as she slides my estrogen patches across the counter. She was excited as I was.

Just something on the lighter side that I found amusing. I told her I should go play the lottery.

Does anyone else find the attitudes of other people who have sailed through menopause without many symptoms and then make sweeping comments about the process really unhelpful? I've heard quite a few in the 'I just got on with it' category but today heard a new one: apparently the trick is to 'keep busy so you simply don't have time to worry about it'. I'm sure some of it is meant to be helpful but makes me feel significantly worse when I'm crying in panic because the idea of having to wash the dishes AND put clean clothes away is completely overwhelming. Yes, it's ridiculous but adding more to the list isn't going to help!

I’m going to tell you about my journey over the past 16 months. It’s a long one, so please bear with me, but I’m honestly at a loss 😞

I first started HRT last May. I was on a 0.25 patch and 200mg progesterone for 14 days on and 14 days off as part of my 28-day cycle. I actually had to cut my oestrogen patch in half because it felt too much for me.

But during those first 12 days when I was taking both, I felt the best I had ever felt on HRT. I genuinely thought I’d finally found something that worked.

Then the next cycle came around and, when I started the progesterone again, I felt awful. Things just seemed to go downhill from there. I even switched from Utrogestan to Cyclogest and OMG, that was even worse.

Eventually, I came off it altogether and booked to have the coil fitted so that I could try again.

Once I had the coil, I started oestrogen again and felt so much better. I gradually increased the gel until I got to 2½ pumps. I did notice that after having the coil fitted I became constantly hungry, and increasing my oestrogen seemed to make that worse, but I managed it.

Then, because I have surgery coming up, I decided to switch from the gel to a patch. The gel takes around 20 minutes to dry on my body, and I thought that while recovering from surgery I’d be in too much pain to mess around applying it every day. I’d also been doing well on the gel for quite a while, so I thought I’d be fine switching to the patch.

Well... I was SO wrong.

My body clearly seems to absorb the patch much quicker or stronger than the gel, and I think that may be why I’d been okay on the gel.

After two weeks on the patch, I quickly switched back to gel. But then I was given the green-lid gel instead of the white-lid one I’d previously been using, and wow... I felt like I did on the patch again.

Eventually, I got my usual gel back, but I was still having lots of anxiety and wasn’t sleeping properly. I was advised to try progesterone again, so I did.

For a few days, it actually made me feel like I did right at the beginning of my HRT journey — really good. But then it all went downhill again. I tried increasing the progesterone and the same thing happened: I felt better initially and then worse again.

I was even put on testosterone, and that made me feel worse than the patch did.

My body seems incredibly sensitive to hormonal changes, and all these fluctuations make me feel awful. I just cannot seem to find the right balance, and I’m so mad at myself for switching from the gel to the patch 3½ months ago.

These past 3½ months have been a complete rollercoaster — switching to the patch, taking progesterone again, trying testosterone, being given the wrong-lid gel... it’s been a journey, and definitely not one I’ve enjoyed.

I stopped the progesterone last Saturday. On Sunday, I had nine hours of crippling anxiety. Since then, every day has got a little better, but now I can’t sleep. I feel completely worn out, fed up and just not like myself.

I know people will probably say it’s because I’ve switched from one thing to another, but the only reason I kept making changes was because I didn’t feel right and was desperately trying to find the right balance.

I feel like I NEED HRT because I had so many symptoms before starting it, and it has improved a lot of them, even though it hasn’t completely resolved everything.

I honestly feel damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

Now I’m thinking about coming off the oestrogen completely, giving my body a break and then maybe starting again. I won’t be having my coil removed because obviously that isn’t as simple as just stopping a medication, but I’m considering stopping the oestrogen for a while to give my body a break.

Has anyone else done this? Have you stopped HRT for a while, started again and then felt better the second time around?

I really don’t want to come off it because I know how I felt without HRT, but at the same time, I don’t want to stay on it feeling the way I do now. I genuinely don’t know what to do. FFS 😞

One thing I do know is that I’m SICK to death of complaining and feeling like this. In my head, if you’re taking HRT, you should feel better — because surely that’s the whole point of taking it? 🤷🏻‍♀️😕😞

My wife has been going through pero menopause for a few months now and it's changed her to the point our relationship is really damaged.

She can't stand the way I look, the way I talk or anything related to me, and she's starting to give up on our relationship.

I want to help her but I'm a bit overwhelmed by all this. I'm a bit scared to talk to her about it because of how fed up she is with everything. I feel like I'm living with a wild lioness, ready to shred me to pieces if I happen to breathe too loud.

What are the things I could do to ease her day-to-day life? I really want to help her but sometimes I feel like this rollercoaster has nowhere to go but into a wall.

There's all the physical symptoms, the hot flashes and irregular cycles and vaginal dryness; there's the emotional symptoms like anxiety and irritability and rage and flatness. Some of us get some of those symptoms and some of us get others.

I heard on a podcast recently that the most common peri symptom is a woman saying, "I just don't feel like myself anymore."

But after spending the last year in the thick of peri and spending a lot of time here, I honestly think that the most universal experience is an overwhelming desire to run away alone to a quiet cottage in a forest or bog or desert somewhere.

I think it's just an overwhelming need to get away from the stress, from the people who we love but who need a million things from us every day, from other people's mess and noise, from the sandwich generation chaos, from having to take care of other things and people, from all the work stress, from the world wanting so much more from us than we feel capable of giving at this stage.

It's a fantasy and I don't actually want to be away from my family and friends and community (and I still genuinely really like my husband, he's great). But I just keep on deeply feeling the need for solitude and calm someplace quiet. I want to read and write and do creative things and exercise and go on long walks in nature and just feel like I have a handle on all the things that need to be done. And I am historically a high achieving extrovert who has her shit together and has always been happy to be in the thick of things.

I'm kind of joking about the bog cottage but honestly it feels like something that so many of us are conceptually craving and I'm wondering if it's evolutionary or what is happening to make it such a universal thing.

I’m a 41 year old female in otherwise good health and for the last 3 months I have had a week or so each month where I become prone to fainting episodes where I don’t actually faint but I feel that I will and I feel terrible. I’m trying to figure out what could be provoking them but they come up at unique times. Sometimes sitting. Sometimes standing. Sometimes after I eat. Sometimes not. Some are worse than others it’s very scary. I can feel my heart beating but it’s not necessarily racing. I don’t feel shortness of breath. My vision is ok. I went to the ER for one and they did a cat scan for a stroke risk and it came back clear. My blood work has come back ok no anemia and thyroid in the past was hypothyroidism but has been normal since having my daughter 2.5 years ago. I went back to the doc they’re doing more blood work and sending me for heart ultrasound and to wear a holster.

The episodes seem to occur during the week after my period.

Has anyone else experienced this? Did you get answers? Thanks in advance 🙏

I ran out of my estradiol gel two days ago and was unable to refill it due to the shortage. I am so anxious, dizzy, and frustrated.

I do need to call the dozens of pharmacies in my city to see if anyone has any in stock. I'm just so overwhelmed.

I cannot switch to oral as I have migraines with aura. I never tolerated BCP.

I am just so tired of one thing after another. Being a woman can be so awful!

I just wanted to share with people who understand.

He's manopausing, I'm perimenopausing. Augggghhh. It's so frustrating sometimes but we love each other so much. All you partners out there, how do you get through these phases without collapsing?

Specifically, I have this smell of stinky feet that is always in my face 😭 I haven’t had this issue since I was pregnant with my son. When I was pregnant with him 16 years ago my hands always smelled of stinky feet! I couldn’t let my hands get near my face or it would make me sick. Also, I can smell everyone’s scalp including my own and it’s not pleasant. Anyone else have issues with weird smells?

I'm on 3 pumps estrogel, and have been applying in the am for the longest time, and loving it.
But I've noticed that I've been waking up too early lately, and have been wondering if taking 1 pump in the pm would help.

I tried for the first time last night but was wired & couldn't fall asleep. Which makes sense since the gel usually wakes me up, and makes me more alert.

I've read that a lot of women apply the 2nd dose in the afternoon, which sounds nice in theory but I do go to the office, meet friends, and so on, and it's just not feasible to have my gel with me at all times.

How do you all deal with this?

Hey everyone! I'm 44 and pretty sure I'm in perimenopause. I know heart palpitations are a pretty common symptom but I'm just curious about the severity, timing and duration you all experience them. I can go days or even weeks without them. They usually happen at night when I'm trying to sleep but it's also happened in the afternoon as I'm just relaxing, and when I'm active/walking, however it's more rare to happen during activities. Today it's driving me crazy. They started at about 4pm and it's still happening an hour later. They will come and go so it's not like my heart is just going crazy the whole time. I'd say my heart is flip flopping for about 10-20 seconds and then it stops for a minute or two and then it starts again. I'm going to make a doctor's appointment to hopefully get a EKG and possibly a monitor but in the meantime I'm trying not to panic but this is so uncomfortable!

My heart is not racing, I'm not dizzy or short of breath, no pain, none of that emergency stuff. Anyways, I am also not sure yet if this is coming at certain times of the month as I hadn't thought to start tracking them until a few days ago. My period is a about a week away and this was happening a few days ago as well. Last time it happened before that was maybe a week or two? Idk. If someone could share a similar experience that would definitely help me stay calm while I wait to see a doctor. Thanks ladies!

I keep noticing that things I would have brushed off a few years ago seem to hit me physically now. A bad night's sleep, a busy couple of days, too much socialising, noise, rushing around. I gueess I can still do all of it, but I seem to pay for it much more afterwards.

I can't work out whether this is hormones/perimenopause, just getting older, accumulated stress, or something else entirely.

Did anyone else notice this shift? What did you eventually put it down to?

So I’m in late 40s and was perfectly healthy and fit. I started getting chronic migraines out of nowhere . Underwent multiple scans only to find out that most probably this is the start of my perimenopause journey. I’m currently on preventatives and Botox treatment for migraines which do help. I also had dizziness with migraines.
On recommendation of this sub, I recently consulted a menopause specialist and was put on slinda which actually helped me a lot with my headaches. They got much better and my migraines around my periods have stopped.
However I’m now experiencing more heat intolerances, night sweats , vaginal dryness .
I have been told to try out estrogel - one pump daily but to be aware that it can spike back my migraines which are now in control thanks to slinda and other treatments.
For vaginal dryness ( which I forgot to talk to my specialist about :( ) - does topical vaginal estrogen help or will estrogel help ? - this dryness is crazy - like a Sahara desert 😒 and I have started getting cracks and bumps in there which is crazy and sometimes painful. I’m going to see my doctor but wanted to see if anyone has any suggestions here .
My hygiene is very on point- I clean it with warm water no soaps or irritants and keep it very dry ; only cotton underwear - so I’m surprised why this is happening.

Edit: Thanks all! Met my doctor and she gave me the whole package - progesterone, estrogel , vaginal estrogen ; told me slinda isn’t exactly HRT though it might be helping my migraines and she also guided me how to get started on all of these.
Thank you all for being so helpful! My real life friends never speak about these and it’s only this sub which helps me with these peri symptoms! I told my doctor that my friends told me about HRT and vaginal estrogen etc - I was referring to you all 🤗
The appointment was so quick - with the right doc , it is seriously all so quick and easy. Before this, I have been to 4 docs and turned down that I don’t need these meds as even if I’m almost 47, I need to be menopausal to get HRt.

I have been a runner for a very long time. I am in my early 40s and during the last year I've started to feel horrendous after running. It physically feels like the origin of the problem is coming from my abdomen (after running I become incredibly bloated/swollen/water retention in my abdomen but also everywhere in my body). It also feels like running is triggering whole body inflammation. Has anyone else experienced difficulty with running or other intense aerobic exercise and is there any way this is related to perimenopause? Or is this coincidence and some other problem is going on? Thank you so much for any and all advice. I've been struggling for almost a year now and I am pretty desperate to figure out what is going on. (editing to add that I am not on HRT and don't have any other signs of peri that I know of)

I am at a loss. I have spent a lifetime being ridiculously high functioning and researching/solving my way to maintain high function, and now I feel like I’m trying all the things and cannot win. Seeking similar experiences whether it’s just solidarity in the suck or someone who faced this torrent of treatment-resistant shittiness and found relief.

THEN: High performer in high pressure roles, health and fitness enthusiast, taken care of myself. Constantly optimizing- whether physical or mental health, parenting, interpersonal relationships, I research a problem and solve it.

NOW: I’ve spent the last 3+ years trying to troubleshoot and optimize through peri and yet I am emotionally ALLLLL OVER, my brain works half speed, I cannot get myself to workout hard -if at all (which has been my daily mental health medicine and part of my identity for decades).

ISSUES: Emotions are all TF over the place. Motivation, joy: absent. Existential crisis: threat level midnight. Fatigue: can’t even differentiate between fatigue and the lack of GAF for everything. Added vestibular migraines to the mix a few moths ago. Stress is over the top, sure (sources beyond standard stress fear of life in 2026: have a 6 year old kid, a teen step kid, house to manage, marriage with its ups and downs, job with its stress, resigned from a 12 year career in a mission I loved when it was clear I’d be asked to do immoral & illegal shit, spent a year unemployed and job searching, now in a new job with a 2 hour round trip commute and stresses of being new person in new career, surgery in December that kept me from walking for a couple months but I’m back to health and fitness again, live in the burbs where I feel I never wanted to end up)

TROUBLESHOOTING: Psychiatrist+ meds for ADHD, then depression, then anxiety (I never feel like any of these really work that well but tweaks to approach all similarly mid, result wise). Therapy for those too (not confident it really helps and feels too hard to fit into schedule and finances to try to add back given midrange results). Working it- a lifetime habit, Ive lifted heavy and go through running/yoga/biking/swimming- whatever keeps my attention- it’s been a life habit - but it’s come to feel nearly impossible to make myself, gradually, for months, after forcing myself without want to, for over a year (?). TRT for intense brain fog / low libido / suite of other symptoms (helped a lot early on but can’t add more without getting too high range/side effects I don’t want so whatever good it’s done it does). Meditation, Mindfulness based stress reduction course for stress (helps, but after prioritizing sleep I stopped my morning meditation and now haven’t figured out how to make myself work it back in). Prioritize sleep, clean eating, hydration, and add meds and a million supplements for vestibular migraines (controlled the dizziness and headaches down to almost none, unclear if brain fog from that or other things). Added estradiol (worried it makes me moodier and afraid to increase much as a tweak). Added oral micronized progesterone (worried it makes me more anxious and my period is irregular so IDK how do you do it during just luteal phase and afraid if I do daily that’ll cause anxiety to boost?).

WTF DO I DO? Exhausted from years of troubleshooting and things still just sucking. Daily feeling like I hate life and everything and I’m NOT ME, just a chemically altered emotional wreck trying not to blow up my own life. I have done SO MUCH TROUBLESHOOTING and am fucking exhausted to be left at this constant shitty state nonetheless. I have no energy to do more.

Would love any solidarity bc I’m so exhausted and lonely and hateful.

Is it just me, or anybody else having the realization that almost everyone in their life is someone who is just using them? Like I’ve spent my whole life catering to people that I love and realized absolutely no one has considered me. And friends, I'm fucking DONE.

Brain fog seems to be getting worse and I’m really worried about it. I’m 45. Now on 100 mg estrogen and have Mirena. I’m trying to get testosterone to see if that will help. In the UK they only consider it for low libido, which lets be honest isn’t great, but I’d rather have my mind back then a roll in the hay 🙃 In terrified it’s early onset dementia. The other day I called the kettle, the iron. Which doesn’t seem like brain fog. But I’m forgetting everything too. What have you all done that has helped? My health anxiety is probably making it worse. Hugs to everyone going through this.

[edit typo]