u/cosmic-bluebird

I know you use to know me and maybe you still do, I use to believed in myself and stood tall for myself. Now what

I use to say “I am who I am, your approval isn’t needed”, how did I go from that to desperately needing approval.

I was so confident in myself, my beliefs, and my ability, now I’m so lost and a shell of who I use to be.

Why do I allow disrespect, trash into my life, why haven’t I stopped it. Why do I continue to see good where there isn’t any good. Why am I afraid to see me and be strong and be treated like I actually deserve.

I was so independent, I always had mental health problems, but not this bad. Allowing what I’ve allowed has made me so much more unstable. The abuse I’ve endured and continued to endure is f***ing disgusting, why only now am I trying to change it.

How did I become such a person, how did I end up hurting the good people I truly loved and chose to give chances to the bad ones.

I don’t what to hide from the mirror, I don’t want to divert my eyes to the ground because of shame. I want to stand tall again all 5’3 3/4” tall. I want to see bad as bad and good as good.

How do I get there. Somedays are excruciating and I want to just hide and somedays I want to be a better me… I’m so tired and lost.

Always someone

how long does it take to hear back from places

Showing others kindness and listening doesn’t mean anything more, fuck me running! Some people are just…..wth I can’t think of a word here

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

I will give you consistency. It will show you that I’m reliable and steady.
I will honor your opinion and your boundaries
I will not hide behind my walls and push you away
I will give you the love you deserve and reassure you of that every day
I/we will support each other’s dreams and help achieve them
I will love you with everything
I will be your safe space
I will be your best friend
I/we will hold our secrets
I/we will hold nothing against each other
I won’t run when things get tough or when we fight
I/we will be the home we have been looking for
As time goes on, we will face things together as a WE
I/we will help carry each others burdens cause we can be stronger together
I will sit beside you when I know you need
I/we can answer and be there for us when needed no matter what
I/We can be openly honest with each other at all times even if we know it will irritate us

And the biggest thing I will show you EVERYDAY is that I TRUST with heart and you can trust me with yours

I have this feeling in my chest that I can’t name. It’s hope and fear at the time. I want to hear your voice so badly, but I’m terrified of what I’ll feel if you answer and what I’ll feel if you don’t

I don’t know if that was from you and if not then that’s fine.

I’ve heard before that someone can’t read minds. I’ve been told that so many times.

So I’ll open with my favorite joke if you know me you’ll I’m really corny.

What do you call a fish with no eye?

Okay so what I can offer:
honesty even when it’s uncomfortable.
Communication even if I’m unsure of how it sounds
A safe space for yours and my emotions
Honor your boundaries
Always resolve conflict instead of running
Not get defensive and react appropriately
Support your dreams and encourage you to fulfill them
I’ll reassure you when you need it and I’ll give you affection that you deserve
To give you trust you deserve
I accept you for you
I will ask you for help when I need it because your my safe place
Always ask your opinion on things that affect us both

I can offer consistency these day after day. We kept the week month after month year of the year decades from now.

I hope that was from you to me.

P.S. fsh

It’s better hearing it really, but it still puts a smile on my face even to this day

Good night dream of wonderful things I’d say something else but everyone already knows

Groupings of two and three at makes seven damn I will eventually learn how to count. I guess just not in this state of mind.