u/TechnicalVersion2204

I am tired of holding onto resentment, Look M, I don’t know what you were thinking in attacking me the way you did, I popped you back to let you know to not get into something I came inches from finishing…….your self congratulating birthday at J’s on 2nd was The last time we spoke/interacted, and I let you walk away unharmed, I couldn’t believe you hit me!!!….. I mean I congratulate you on the huevos to come hit me, I could tell you were shaking…. it’s okay dude…… You remember my Brother L J ……..dude was stacked, he could bench 375-400, Had legs like trees, and knew Martial arts and Brazilian Jiujitsu ….. not a guy you probably would have walked up and punched…….

you had told me I needed to leave a public bar, without reason, and over emotional …… I wanted an opportunity to talk, Intellectually and calm…… I wanted to avoid hurt feelings and salvage a friendship that I thought existed….. I definitely tried my friend, I gave 4 opportunities to be civil…. you chose adolescent violence towards me…… I wanted you to know, That You were wrong, I wanted you to admit to being a child and selfish, I wanted you to admit you could have handled that better……. but it’s not about what I wanted, It’s about how much of a real human and man you truly are…… See I saw a scared little kid, Narcissistic and empowered with false courage and ego…..You didn’t hurt me at all in case you felt the tiniest bit bad about yourself and your behavior, Because I didn’t even think you honestly go that far…… Well there are some similarities with us but mostly differences that I’ve noticed over the year and our past interactions, I noticed Jealousy, And envy of those things I worked hard to Obtain, Not because I wanted status or clout, I like nice things that fit my personality, that’s it!!……..I’ve never said I was superior, I’ve never put you down, and I’ve only just been a friend to you, exactly like my brother did….. hoping you have found something of substance in the months since……. I have a good chuckle sometimes when I think about it……. It just doesn’t affect me, You have to realize that M has a M proble, not a C or a J or a F problem a M problem.…….. you had told me about your out of town jobs, and what music you’re playing with…….. let you tell me and everyone around me just exactly who you were………. So breathe easier, be good to yourself, go touch grass, But for your sake in the Universe, Let it Go, It doesn’t serve you….. The first inclining and notion I had about it was right on the money…were you mad because J said you were exclusI’ve like she did me?? Were you and J just doing naked pushups together to get back at me for something??? Guess I will never know, So I am releasing all of it and everything it touched to God and the Universe …….so talk uneducated and nasty about me all you want, I can take it, And send it “Return to Sender, Unsolicited Material “ with a message that says, We can still have that 1:1 talk and get the tension 86’d not me……… Choice is yours….

sincerely,

<•>€

SOOOOO,

I Will Break my Silence here for tonight, and let you know how I feel, How I have Grown, and What I am looking at now.

I am definitely not the same person as I was back in December 2025. I have had a Serious Awakenining into somebody I always knew I was and haddent seen since 1998 when I got with Ja and Jn was only 10 months old. I was there for his 1st Birthday, Ja was Married at the time (Same story as you) She had the paperwork filled out already tho, I helped her file, But she originally said she was divorced, and it was simply in Process, I guess Ji Left Jn alone in his crib quite abit and smoke week, He was a Pile, and always was, I eventually got to know him a little but he was seriously weird, And I was In love with Ja, Or at least what I thought Love was back then. That was 98' and It went fast, I gave her an Ultimadium for the divorce to be final, she kept procrastinationg ( boy who did that sound like) and so I left for Denver, Got a Job with BD at Mr rags as the assistant manager. We had sooooo Much fun! I was at the 16th st mall, across from Wolfgang Pucks, We threw a mini rave in the store after hours, it was so tight that we Had people come to shop just to hang with BD and I. I flew Ja out for Valentines, We had a photo session and went to dinner, she got tipsy and made out with BD's Gf a bit, I laughed because she thought we were in an open Relationship then. I just told her that we definitely could be if she wanted to, I heard crickets until an hour before her Flight back. She said she wanted me all to herself, I said the same,I dont think either of us took it seriously. I caught feelings after I dated Bryans roomate,JE for a min, She was very sexual and Made me wrap it, I grew to hate Condoms, I only did that because Ja wouldn't leave Ji, Jn was 1.5 yrs old now, and I caught feelings, I Broke it off with JE, and drove back here. I went to work for the Mr Rags here, in ST Mall, It was short lived and lame. KT was another DJ and was really Jelouse of me, He got me fired for telling the Regional I took a Watch from Lost and found, Which I did, I fixed it and asked If I could take the oldest item of 2.5 years in the L&F.....So lame dude!!! What a little Narkoid, He went by DJ Do****oy Played trendy Trance for the times, some pretty good stuff in the beginning, I took Ja to a Rave at the Tennis courts in Murray, Was THE SICKEST Party!! We rolled so hard, I sold My Landcruiser to AN that night. He shipped it to Kuai that next week, When I bought My TransAm!! T-Tops! So rad!! It was a 5 Speed with the 350 Motor, so of course I had to Burn up the tires....cool car for a bit while I was going to school at SH College, (awful education) but pointed me in a direction for my Ambition.....I moded into a Lil condo in Bountiful With Ja and Jn, We were happy......Both her and I origionally worked CS at the Marriott bldg by RC willy's, LC got me the Job, and Worked with MP there too, Basically every Raver with a Brain started out there (ahh the irony) SO after I was fired for being late too many times, I went to work for Cogolink (Broadband Solutions), I was in school for Computers so it was perfect!! Wireless was brand new, It was all Last mile and Wifi setups to DSL and T1 DMarc's, Whoo hoo!! I learned sooo much, I eventually graduated in 2002 and Was happy to be done. Well 6 months before Grad, I was annoyed with Ja She had a Miscarrage and was just cold after that, I see now why but at the time, I had 3 girls asking me out at school, I did actually go out with one, we just had dinner and drinks, I was 23 by this time,Ja was working at Ikano at the time and was an account Manager, Great Job, and Cogo had to let everyone go because they didnt know how to run a WISP, So I went to work there too!! So we were working together again. She used to be very Ubonic, Called me her Ni**r, I hated it, I said "My mom would wash my mouth out with soap and ground me for a week if I ever said that, (We never did, we hated Grandpa used that word tho)

I Was not honest about Ja, She Took off with DJ BalkBalk and I was heart broken, Although I was the first one to break the pact, TC was 20f Super Frustrated, Had a dirty mind from the IM's at school........she loved it all, Weeeeel,

Four Months after a very long date, and night cap, She came back saying she was with child, I had since left Ja And BalkBalk had too.......... This is when I stayed with my Mom, Weeel we got back together, since moved out of the nice little Bountiful Condo and Into another Apartment, She could not cage the Clam!! THere were dates, and expectations for me to stay Commited, Double standard (Bad) so I just did tit for tat, But eventually met KM, dang!!! Fuuuun! Dancer, Smokin, Tight body, Smart, But one flaw, Sucker for Tattoo's so she was back and forth with Ex Doucharino Weenieman, He was a rent a cop because he lost his badge, but Dude was stacked I have to say!! My life was in the toilet at that time, Drugs and Alcohol were killin me so I left for the South and Southern Hospitality!!! It was great actually!! Ja was a cumdumpster and I was Celebate........I was very satisfied in that because KM visited 3 times for a week each in 1.8 yrs. We did Honkey tonkin right!!!...........Even BT and Kaskade were righteous. but ya, we burnt the candle from both ends, BF from the Versus two Prod crew liked Ja and tried to hit that, I was really indifferent, I had suffered her Hedonistic Narcissisim enough, Kinda was lookin for a way out!! Her BFF AH at the time wanted do have a 4 some with her new Hubby, Wellllllll we came so close.....But the only two I had that was with CL and LD in AZ, and kept it that way...........KC wanted me in PHX, I wanted Vinyl and Turntables, Oblivious!!!!!...............More, MUCH, MUCH more to this Story. This is a Preface to an inner chapter........You will need the real deal to get the rest........Until then your Fish without an Eye is Part of the FAKARWEE tribe!!!

What to say about the turn of events that happened…… a heart that loves the true heart you have, will always have a piece missing that is hopeful, that I can know you completely……………You can count on me waiting to have that conversation that we never had. I give you that completely and you may cherish the fact my door an always open to love and support……If I had known there was a past, and a disorder, I wouldn’t have had such heart wrenching feelings when I know you didn’t love me, I’m sure now that is not the case…….. M will never compare to me in all ways, and I hated to see the good person you are inside…..settle for an empty vessel of hedonism. The illicit nature is not your nature…… you’re manipulated by the individuals because of your mental illness that I only have complete love and understanding for……I’m never letting you go in my heart, And a friendship is always a great place to start, Everyone has a past, The things about love, is that it forgives, And gives peace….. that’s what’s so amazing.

I am looking for my friend who you never gave the chance to be, Our love hit a high and you didn’t tell me about the extent you had this illness, I always thought you had issues with me, I would absolutely listened to everything and comforted you, I absolutely loved everything about you, of course I would.

i want know everything about you with the most discreet relationship and care.
I know that you want to do the right things in your life, I will be your loving friend you can count on….. who knows where that goes.

open your hear, for there’s a pice of me in there…….. always will be.

love Hrtz