u/mustard_pattie900

Why should you chase someone who was

*brutal

*discarding

*disrespectful

*abusive

You would if you didnt care about yourself.

Thesaurus on the words you used:

Antonyms

*brutal- gentle, soft, kind, friendly, generous, humane, compassionate, concerned, tender

*discarding- embracing,welcoming, accepting,retaining, cherishing,caring, loving.

*disrespectful- respectful, high regard, polite, considerate, deference, reverent

*abusive- kind, tender, careful in treatment of others, deep sympathy, concern,affectionate, warmth.

Listing these might help you remember what you need /deserve long term, and its not a big ask.

You are worth effort. Your feelings are valid.

You do deserve to be loved genuinely.

You just have to believe it.

Then make your actions support that.

Theres someone out there that can see your worth . She didnt.

A father told his daughter to take his old car to the corner car lot to see what they could get for it. She returned and told him what pittance they offered, $1,000 because it looked worn out.

The father told her to take it to a pawn shop and see what it was worth there.

The daughter returned, with their offer of $500 because it looked old.

The father asked his daughter to take the car to a car club . The car club recognized it was an iconic sought after rare model automobile who got them in touch with a collectors auction that offered to start the bidding at $150,000.

If someone doesn't appreciate you, you are simply in the wrong place. You should be around people that recognize your true value.

And yes, listen to your gut. Some are manipulating liars.

Maybe the used car lot knew what it was worth and just wanted to take advantage.

Im an old timer. Listen to me.

Your perfect mate 99 times out of 100 isnt the cutest one, isnt the sexiest one, isnt even your "type". When you sit with yourself, and find out what you really need, really are looking for, youll be able to see it in another woman.

She wont be the most stunning in the room.

Ive seen it too often.

You deserve to be genuinely loved.

You just have to believe that.

Looks like it updated last night because it looks slightly different

Please help

I want to make amends if I did something wrong

Toot tooooooot! Train coming through!

Its a long train, youll be stuck at this light a long time, fair warning...

Youll always love him. It wont/cant be just friends for you. Youll cross the line and allow him to tell you things and get close to you and he really needs to be confiding in his woman and being closer to her than anyone else. Youll keep secrets over things that shouldn't have been said or done until you find a man that loves you enough to want you all himself. Somebody that will go out with you to places and wont want you to go alone . When you find someone that you love so much that you tell all your things to and he hangs on every word and you realize you want all your things a n d self to go into him and nobody else.

When you are more yourself with this man that loves you than anyone else you have ever known, when you feel more safe w him than anyone you have ever known, when you dont even want to have men friends anymore because he is all you need, ...thats when you could be friends w an ex.

But why would you.

I dont even know you but if I was friends w any of my exes, the love of my whole life would just have this. ..wondering ..why isnt it over? Why is she even talking to him? Why does she care?

Why put wedges in between people..

Because I was in speech and debate class, lets turn to the other side of the coin.

He may find a connection, a lightning bolt, an energy, a pull, a thread, and want to always have a relationship with you. He may be able to have sex with you that he cant with anyone else. He may be able to talk to you like nobody else. He may be able to joke with you and you may be able to make him laugh and forget his troubles like no one else. You might have a body that is his literal dream. He may think your eyes are like no other , prettier than any others. He may love you like he cannot with anyone else.

Then you both should be together.

And you both should try anything and everything to be and stay together. Forever.

If you both have these feelings for each other,

Youre more than friends. You cant be just friends.

Youre too close. There really cant be a man for you and another woman for him. Youre too close.

The vows say

Forsaking all others

Forsake:

To leave something or someone behind completely, especially when you have a duty to stay, or to give up a habit, belief, or way of life for good.

For the good. For the good you could have.

If you cant , if you cant give it up for the good, if you want him, and he wants you...

You can do whatever you want.

He can do whatever he wants.

You should live.

He should live.

You both should have life with LIFE in it. You should feel alive! You should want your life, like your life!

I encourage you both to consider how anyone else is allowed in.

Is anyone allowed in?

How close?

Is anyone allowed to love you and start and have a life with you?

Is anyone allowed to love him and start a life w him?

How does that make you feel?

Logically, does it make sense?

How does that make him feel? Does that make sense to him? Does he want that?

Would you allow that?

Would he allow you to start a new life with someone else and be able and feel ok with just being friends?

If you two were to start a life with other people, would their feelings matter at all? Would they have any say in the matter? Would they matter at all?

My mother married a man that was in love with someone else his whole life. Alison. She was The One who got away. I think my mother was a good woman, but she wasnt Alison. He kept pictures of her. He kept in contact w her. He loved her like he just couldn't love my mom, even though he thought she was nice. He couldn't be with Alison.

For whatever reason. But they had something special. I could feel it , didnt even have to say any words.

He never should have settled and married my mom .

He was very angry.

My mom tried.

She wasnt enough. She wasnt just right.

He took her to French bakeries on Sunday without me because she loved sweets. He bought her A LOT of jewelry, because she liked jewelry. They went to concerts. He curtailed his career and promotions more than once because she didnt want to be alone that much. When you get high up in management, you often have to travel and she didnt like that. So one day, he quit. Just quit everything and she supported him with her receptionist job until she retired.

I heard his retorts. His put downs. He didnt think much of her.

He punched me and made me throw up.

He threw me into the wall. He walked over and grabbed me and threw me again into the other wall. He'd do this about 4 times and yell at me. Then id get back to the housework and homework I had to get done before my mom got home. Then I rubbed my mom's feet and rubbed my step father's head and helped fix dinner with my mom. He threw me into walls after school almost every day. Hit my head. Socked me in the stomach like I was a man.

I told my dad and I begged him to not take me back to my mom's house..I told my mom I was going to run away to my grandma's.

One day my dad didnt take me back when he picked me up from Sunday visitation with him.

I was 11 years old.

When I got to live with my dad.

My step dad should have married Alison.

If you love someone, be with them.

Dont be with someone else .

One day, you have to decide.

Pick one.

Stick with it.

If you , or him, decide to be with someone else,

Be with that person and take some time, just you and that person to get to know each other. Take some time just as a couple. Then introduce your friends to them. You, him, will have to find a way to all be ok , each one, each friend, each partner.

If you care, youll honor his decision to be with someone else in a romantic, sexual, intimate relationship bond. Dont do anything to break or weaken the bond. I would encourage him to do the same.

He has to allow you to have another man to be adoring, sexual, intimate with you and not do anything to break or weaken the bond.

Let it be superglued. Dont either one of you do anything to break the bond.

Genuinely. Sincerely.

Not at that point, either of you?

Then,

Be together

Or

Admit you ARE poly whether you want to admit it or not, and make sure your partners are on board , because they are human and have a heart too ...

Or

Take some time apart. Heal. Youre not at the point where you can be

Just

Friends.

Dont settle. Be alone if you have to.

But for the love of humankind,

Dont go be with anyone else if you still are in love with someone else.

Please.

Be alone. Youll be lonely sometimes. Find something happy to do, even if you have to force yourself. Take pictures. Read. Make a life for yourself. Something.

Sometimes you have to let go.

I wish my step dad would have taken some time .

He didn't. I dont think he was ready to love my mom. He wasnt over Alison.

I just wanted him to love my mom and love me.

What you do deeply affects others.

Be careful out there.

Im old, man. My life is almost over.

Ive made mistakes.

Ive lived through others mistakes.

Try to give each others mercy

Let them live.

And you too.

Srsly. Help.

Id pay for a soul tie breaking ceremony and hypnosis to make a work around so I wouldn't be in the same loop to get over her. Id think that she knew about the plans to marry her and she decided not to. I dont think id get over that. I dont think I would forget that. The ring shopping, all the time spent thinking and planning how , when and where to ask her to be your only, your beloved, the one, above all, and she suddenly said no with her actions. Id think I was wrong and wonder how could I be wrong? I thought she was the one to stand by me for the rest of my life. The one that I shared things I refused to share w anyone else. Id think she saw all that and decided not to hold that. Not to be beside me.

I would have to do some therapy workbooks ,

Hypnosis to stop wondering what happened and how I could have been wrong so I could find the person that wanted to be with me. Id do the soul tie ceremony and watch the candles burn to the base. Because they left me, abandoned me, deemed me not enough first. Id feel like that was a spit in the face.

Then id know that there was someone out there that would love me for real and would stay.

Id have hope and put happy times and events in my life that would make me feel in wonder of the world again. Id start to see there were other people in the world that cared and had good qualities. Id make room in my heart for someone else. For company. Comfort. To share my life.

To confide in. To help. To caress.

Id take some time.

To become myself again and be proud of myself.

Id allow myself to see the good in myself and in others. Where before, there weren't any worth a damn to me. No matter what they did.

Id give myself another chance .

You have to want to be helped.

You have to prove that by stopping looking at her social media, stop playing songs from her home state and any other songs that remind you of her. You have to let her be her. You have to let yourself admit you were wrong about her.

You have to say out loud in the mirror to yourself thst you deserve someone that genuinely loves you. If you dont think that, you will take abuse from everyone. You could have stability. Someone that has your back, instead of effing around behind it. You have to stop wanting the bad girls. Or admit you do have a thing for the bad hot vixens and suck up the abuse that comes with that. They sure are cute aren't they...gorgeous..I know.

You gotta do a purge.

A cleanse.

Get rid of everything that reminds you of her.

Everything.

Let somebody that wants to stay have a chance.

But wait . Wait for what you need.

What do you want? What does it take to get it and keep it?

Take some time.

You probably have women around you that would treat you right but you look at them like they are weeds.

Take some time.

I mean a lot. Of.time.

Figure yourself out. Wait until you get a lightbulb moment. Because you are so exhausted that your soul looks like a worn out rag, but youre still thinking about her.

Bruh.

Cut it out.

Put your phone in an empty coffee can with a padlock on it so you are not tempted to get up in her business.

Or not. Get back together with her.

Just know there IS no " together " with her.

Youll always be 3rd or 4th wheel.

What do you want?

Take some time.

She hurt you so bad that you dont even know yourself anymore.

Being by yourself is probably the best thing you can do for yourself and everyone involved. Take some time for yourself. Listen to audio books. Podcasts. Therapy sessions. Youtubes. Your gut. Listen. Think. Give yourself the time to chew on things and digest them. Wait until things make sense. It will take years. Take the time. You deserve to feel better. Make decisions that are right for YOU!!!

Youll never succeed.

Youre not going to destroy us.

I love him and he loves me.

Its always been us

There will always be a "we"

We are more enmeshed and tangled in love than you can ever imagine.

Its forever in every sense of the word.

We are beautiful completion and devotion together and thats something you'll never understand.

He is safe with me.

You could never.

Do it. Buy it. Happiness is worth any price.

Might lead you into a book or two after that . Keep going with the flow. Youll get there.

Dont give up! Your happiness matters!

Disclaimer:

It will take a couple years.

Invest the time in yourself.

I understand that.

As important as family is,

My partner is more important.

We are family, him and I.

I had a similar situation.

My mom asked me to come stay on a blow up mattress, w her after her husband dies. I blurted out before I even knew what I was saying that I csnt do that. I have my partner ( she calls him my honey) and my kids and my job here and thats why people when they get older move closer to their children. I would hardly see him if I did that. Nope. I could go down there if something needed dire attention, but im not going without my sunshine. We are one. We are together.

It wouldnt mske sense for us to move there either, we have roots here and our family.

It must hurt awfully bad. To have someone you love and they abandon you .

Im really sorry you had so many hopes and a ring and dreams of her walking down the aisle to you, then she abandons you.

That will take years to get over. If at all.

No one else will compare , but I hope you let someone come along beside you and be a support that has your back and keeps showing up even when tragedy comes. Youre worth that, you know.

Take some time.

Grieve.

Find yourself again.

You loved with all your heart.

There is someone out there thst has a life they want to share and a heart you can belong in .

Dont give up!

But take some time.

Thats not selfish. Its ok to need what you need.

I understand that.

As important as family is,

My partner is more important.

We are family, him and I.

I had a similar situation.

My mom asked me to come stay on a blow up mattress, w her after her husband dies. I blurted out before I even knew what I was saying that I csnt do that. I have my partner ( she calls him my honey) and my kids and my job here and thats why people when they get older move closer to their children. I would hardly see him if I did that. Nope. I could go down there if something needed dire attention, but im not going without my sunshine. We are one. We are together.

It wouldnt mske sense for us to move there either, we have roots here and our family.

It must hurt awfully bad. To have someone you love and they abandon you .

Im really sorry you had so many hopes and a ring and dreams of her walking down the aisle to you, then she abandons you.

That will take years to get over. If at all.

No one else will compare , but I hope you let someone come along beside you and be a support that has your back and keeps showing up even when tragedy comes. Youre worth that, you know.

Take some time.

Grieve.

Find yourself again.

You loved with all your heart.

There is someone out there thst has a life they want to share and a heart you can belong in .

Dont give up!

But take some time.

Thats not selfish. Its ok to need what you need.

Never felt like yourself with anyone else.

That says it all really.

Youre still invested.

You dont have any room in your heart for anyone else.

Its when you believe you can

That you will

You can be yourself with others but you wont let it happen.

Your belief brings about your outcome.

Sounds like you believe shes the only one.

Anybody else that even tries to love you is just going to have bloody ,shredded, splintered up knuckles from knocking, knocking, knocking, on your heart when you wont open it . Its full of her. Sounds like you open your heart and anyone would see that there is NO room in there, or your soul for anyone but her.

You love her. Shes beautiful.

No one else has a chance.

Unless you allow it.

Unless you allow it.

You would have to want that though.

It will take a couple years.

Half heart need not knock.

It will take a couple years.

Take the time to love me genuinely.

Your heart is still full of other people and things.

Figure out what you want.

You have forgotten the whole premise of The Pina Colada song. That dolt in that song was bored out of his mind and found out at the date that his person liked all kinds of things he never knew.

He was lazy because he didnt ask her things or listen when she was looking at something or heard something at work or whatever. Apparently he never knew she liked Pina coladas . And a whole bunch of other things.

Apparently the communication was just not something they thought was important so they wanted someone wirh half a brain.

You say you like comfortable but you dont. You salivate for the new uncharted uncomfortable getting to know someone phase. And youll only get a portion of that person you meet next also because you just cant believe a woman is that interesting at all. I bet you have women just sitting with you in silence because they are waiting for you to talk . Talk about yourself, the things you've seen lately, things that changed your mind, the things that solidified your beliefs, the sexual things your mind wonders about, the things you hate. You. You keep quiet . You dont let them know you. Thats not interesting. Youre boring. Your partner has to initiate and bring up and carry the whole conversation every time. Your person will ask you things and you will refuse to answer. What you complain about in others is exactly what you hate in yourself. You say you get bored, but you are boring and you know you have to keep anyone at arms length because you are afraid they will see how you literally cannot speak and share things back and forth consistently and you find someone else to give you that interest, that sparkle in the eye, the you quick conversation of small talk , the drive of a new pita pocket to fill that adores you as a god before the air fills with silence because you find it so hard to go deep. It easier that way. You can put in the work on surface or long distance or co workers but you are afraid of the trying it takes to be interesting. It takes opening your heart and laying it on their hands. You need that. Youre not bored. Youre afraid. Do not let anyone know you.

The street goes both ways.

Did you know I could bend you over and spank you and make you tell me what you did at work, a few cracks of a crop and youd be absolved. Grab you by the hair on the nape of your neck and pull your head back for a kiss then let go . Tie you up and tell you what I want done. You dont do it then it isnt me that is disappointed. Its you. Kiss the feet. Bring an offering. Mske it mean something.

Serve me to the best of your ability. Then try harder. Im the only church you need to worship at. Only a strong man could do this. But you didnt even know I like Pina coladas.

You never did deserve that.

She plays with men for money.

You need a real love, and I hope it finds you soon.

If it hasn't already , just look around you.

" love it is all around you, yeah, love is knockin' , right outside your door, waiting for you is a love made just for two, keepin on, youll find love again I know. " - Tesla, Love Song

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Keep your head on a swivel for the good now

You need it

Its there for you

Receive it

This is what i mean by chemistry means nothing. Yes, you can be star struck by someone.

But what you NEED is not chemistry. Not

" clicking" , in that sense. Humans need someone that has their back for years. A person that shows up. Shows they care. Tries to make things better for your psyche, your heart, your life. You have to find out what it is like to be a part of their life. Who they are. What really grinds their gears and what lights them up. How they handle hard things. What their vices are.

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People generally think and base whole chunks of their lives on chemistry. Its not what builds and sustains. It attracts.

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One thing I have learned in life is you have to look and feel farther than electricity. And keep in the back of your mind that electricity can kill you. Those zaps and fire and powerful energy might just be your sign of an unstable person.

Consider a power station or a storm with lightning and thunder. Many pictures are taken of these. You can feel the power in the air and in the accompanying wind and the excitement of the ka-pow! Boom! Wow! Basing your life and a union on wow is going to burn you. Badly. Warning ⚠️

Consider that your energy field , your heart, is feeling a big red danger sign. That feeling is danger.

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You need peace. You need someone that gets their hands dirty and does the mundane with you.

Life is a collection of chores and cleaning and tending to family, yourselves, items breaking , and dishes and laundry and not all vacations and fancy dinners and walks on the beach.

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The one that will work will be there , and youll feel a solid feeling . Its not what youre used to hearing. Youre used to fireworks and explosions.

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Thats not it.

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