u/Key-Company-114

My ex and I were together for all of this year. Things ended a few weeks ago. I need outside perspective on whether this counts as cheating. For some context i had broken up with her last october bc she lied to me a couple times and i had a rlly bad feeling but she convinced me to get back together with her.

- (guy 1) She reached out to reconnect in December. Months later, I found mirror pics of her and a guy friend, kissing, in early December. She says they were to make his ex jealous.
- (guy 1) She stayed friends with him during our relationship. At one point she said she was done with him, but he later showed up at her house uninvited and made her uncomfortable.
- She was snapping several guys. I said it made me uncomfortable; she offered to stop, without me asking. A few months later, I noticed she was doing it again. This talk happened 2-3 times.
- (guy 2)She started volunteering at an elementary and in her group was a younger guy. I saw flirty texts and her asking him for a ride. She admitted she asked two guys for rides separately. She’s talked abt this other guy from volunteering before but she never mentioned that they talked regularly and she left out the fact that she asked him for a ride despite talking about how he has a car and a license. She said she would’ve asked me but I was at work so she did what was convenient
- (guy 1)One Friday, I saw she'd liked his half-naked Instagram post. She admitted they talked on the phone. A week later she told me he'd actually come over that day. She said she didn't tell me because she didn't know how I'd react. This was also after she said she was done talking to him because of our relationship and other issues unrelated to our relationship
- (guy 1)She shared a vulnerable thing I told her (fear of her leaving) with that same guy. she said i was “whining about how i would kill myself if she ever left me”
- When I raised concerns, she said I was insecure/controlling. She also said I 'micro cheated' because a female friend kissed my forehead once (I didn't initiate it, I told her about it, and I cut that friend off when she asked because i value the safety of my relationship over some other girl im just friends with)
-When she lied to me about something i would bring it up and she would feel ashamed for lying so she would walk away or go completely silent. But when i confronted her abt the snapchat and talking to other guys and hiding it from me she got rlly cruel and somewhat abusive.

Her argument: she never kissed or slept with anyone while we were together, so it wasn’t cheating

Was this cheating yes or no?

My ex and I were together for all of this year. Things ended a few weeks ago. I need outside perspective on whether this counts as cheating. For some context i had broken up with her last october bc she lied to me a couple times and i had a rlly bad feeling but she convinced me to get back together with her.

- (guy 1) She reached out to reconnect in December. Months later, I found mirror pics of her and a guy friend, kissing, in early December. She says they were to make his ex jealous.
- (guy 1) She stayed friends with him during our relationship. At one point she said she was done with him, but he later showed up at her house uninvited and made her uncomfortable.
- She was snapping several guys. I said it made me uncomfortable; she offered to stop, without me asking. A few months later, I noticed she was doing it again. This talk happened 2-3 times.
- (guy 2)She started volunteering at an elementary and in her group was a younger guy. I saw flirty texts and her asking him for a ride. She admitted she asked two guys for rides separately. She’s talked abt this other guy from volunteering before but she never mentioned that they talked regularly and she left out the fact that she asked him for a ride despite talking about how he has a car and a license. She said she would’ve asked me but I was at work so she did what was convenient
- (guy 1)One Friday, I saw she'd liked his half-naked Instagram post. She admitted they talked on the phone. A week later she told me he'd actually come over that day. She said she didn't tell me because she didn't know how I'd react. This was also after she said she was done talking to him because of our relationship and other issues unrelated to our relationship
- (guy 1)She shared a vulnerable thing I told her (fear of her leaving) with that same guy. she said i was “whining about how i would kill myself if she ever left me”
- When I raised concerns, she said I was insecure/controlling. She also said I 'micro cheated' because a female friend kissed my forehead once (I didn't initiate it, I told her about it, and I cut that friend off when she asked because i value the safety of my relationship over some other girl im just friends with)
-When she lied to me about something i would bring it up and she would feel ashamed for lying so she would walk away or go completely silent. But when i confronted her abt the snapchat and talking to other guys and hiding it from me she got rlly cruel and somewhat abusive.

Her argument: she never kissed or slept with anyone while we were together, so it wasn’t cheating

Was this cheating yes or no?

My ex and I (both 18) were together for 9 months. I loved her a lot, and this was my first serious relationship. Throughout the relationship there were a lot of moments where I felt like my feelings weren’t taken seriously.
Some examples:
She laughed while I was crying during a serious conversation.
She knew I have a severe fear of spiders, and during another serious conversation she threw one at me as a joke.
When I tried to bring up issues, I often felt dismissed or made to feel like I was overreacting.
She crossed boundaries that I had clearly communicated and didn’t seem to take accountability until much later.
Toward the end, I finally told her I couldn’t stay in the relationship unless things changed. At first she didn’t really apologize or acknowledge what she’d done. It wasn’t until she realized I was actually prepared to leave that she started saying she’d change, respect my boundaries, and become a better partner.
I still love her, so instead of completely cutting each other off, we agreed to take a break with no promises. The idea is to spend time apart, work on ourselves individually, and see where we’re both at in the future. If she genuinely changes—not just for a few weeks, but consistently—we might consider trying again someday.
Some friends think I did the right thing because people shouldn’t have to threaten to leave before they’re treated with respect. Others think I should’ve given her another chance since she’s now saying she’ll change.
AITA for ending the relationship instead of staying and hoping she’d become the partner she says she wants to be?

ex
My ex and I (both 18) broke up after being together for 9 months. This was my first serious relationship, and I’m still trying to process everything.
Throughout the relationship there were a lot of moments where I felt like my feelings didn’t matter. She laughed while I was crying during a serious conversation. She knew I have a severe fear of spiders and, during another serious conversation, threw one at me as a joke. Whenever I brought up issues, I often felt dismissed or like I was the one causing problems.
There were also trust issues. Some of her interactions with other guys crossed boundaries for me, and while I don’t have proof she cheated, there were enough things that happened that I’ve questioned whether there was emotional cheating or at least poor boundaries. Whenever I brought these things up, I usually ended up feeling like I was overreacting.
Near the end, I finally told her I couldn’t keep doing this unless things changed. At first she didn’t really apologize or take responsibility. It wasn’t until she realized I was actually willing to leave that she started saying she’d change, respect my boundaries, and become a better partner.
We ended things and are currently taking time apart with no promises. We both agreed the purpose is to work on ourselves individually. If she genuinely changes over time, there’s a possibility we could reconnect in the future, but nothing is guaranteed.
The hardest part is that I still love her. I know she hurt me in a lot of ways, but I also know people can grow. I’m trying to figure out whether I’m holding onto hope because it’s my first love or because there’s actually a realistic chance things could be different one day.
I’m not really looking for people to tell me what I should do. I just want to hear honest opinions from people who’ve been through something similar. Looking at everything I’ve described, what stands out to you? Do you think this sounds like someone who could genuinely change with time, or does it sound more like I’m struggling to let go of someone who repeatedly showed me who they were?

My ex (18F) and I (18M) recently broke up after 9 months together. Looking back, there are a lot of things that happened during the relationship that make me wonder if I missed signs of cheating or at least emotional cheating/microcheating.
Some things that stood out:
She followed and interacted with guys on social media in ways that made me uncomfortable, even after I told her my boundaries.
She would sometimes hide or downplay certain interactions until I found out myself.
She was defensive whenever I brought up concerns instead of reassuring me.
I often felt like I was made to seem controlling or insecure for having boundaries that I thought were reasonable.
She didn’t seem to understand why certain behaviors with other guys bothered me until I was ready to end the relationship.
She only started taking accountability and saying she’d change after I actually broke up with her.
I never found concrete proof that she physically cheated. I never caught messages arranging to meet up with someone else or anything like that.
At the same time, there were enough moments where I felt disrespected that I’m left questioning whether there was more going on than I knew about. It’s also possible she never technically cheated but repeatedly crossed relationship boundaries.
Based on this, does it sound like she likely cheated, emotionally cheated, or engaged in microcheating? Or does it just sound like someone with poor boundaries who wasn’t ready for a committed relationship?
I’m not looking for validation—I genuinely want outside opinions because I’m worried that being emotionally invested is affecting how I see everything.

My ex and I (both 18) were together for 9 months. I loved her a lot, and this was my first serious relationship. Throughout the relationship there were a lot of moments where I felt like my feelings weren’t taken seriously.
Some examples:
She laughed while I was crying during a serious conversation.
She knew I have a severe fear of spiders, and during another serious conversation she threw one at me as a joke.
When I tried to bring up issues, I often felt dismissed or made to feel like I was overreacting.
She crossed boundaries that I had clearly communicated and didn’t seem to take accountability until much later.
Toward the end, I finally told her I couldn’t stay in the relationship unless things changed. At first she didn’t really apologize or acknowledge what she’d done. It wasn’t until she realized I was actually prepared to leave that she started saying she’d change, respect my boundaries, and become a better partner.
I still love her, so instead of completely cutting each other off, we agreed to take a break with no promises. The idea is to spend time apart, work on ourselves individually, and see where we’re both at in the future. If she genuinely changes—not just for a few weeks, but consistently—we might consider trying again someday.
Some friends think I did the right thing because people shouldn’t have to threaten to leave before they’re treated with respect. Others think I should’ve given her another chance since she’s now saying she’ll change.
AITA for ending the relationship instead of staying and hoping she’d become the partner she says she wants to be?

here’s our timeline. We were talking for 2 weeks then ended. Then a few weeks later started talking again and then my friends told me she was a cheater and she’s getting with other guys so i dropped her again. the next night she took pills and alcohol and almost overdosed and then she went to a party and kissed two guys. They admitted they lied so when she texted me two months later i got persuaded into getting back with her. It’s been 8 months since that and we have been together since but she adds lots of males on snapchat and there have been many occasions where she would be very overly friendly with other guys. I told her many times this makes me uncomfortable and the other day I saw on her phone she asked a guy for a ride somewhere behind my back. I told her i was uncomfortable with that and she hasn’t wanted to talk it out with me at all she has become cold and dismissive and she hurt me really bad because i cried in front of her bc i feel like she won’t even listen to me and she’s just been completely dry and avoidant. i’ve been very hurt and confused and depressed what should i do

Another important thing to keep in mind is I have stopped talking to all female friends and acquaintances because she said she was uncomfortable which i thought was reasonable but she sets that standard for me and not herself

TL;DR - she asked a guy for a ride behind my back and hasn’t stopped snapping and making small talk with other guys when i’m not around when i’ve told her many times it makes me feel uncomfortable. Everytime i have that heavy conversation she goes on her phone and gives me short answers and doesn’t rlly acknowledge how i feel

I have been very worried abt cheating since we started dating and she knows that. Yesterday on her phone i saw she went behind my back and asked another guy for a ride somewhere and she said she genuinely sees nothing wrong with it but sees where im coming from. And whenever i have a heavy topic like that to bring up to her she goes on her phone the whole time and she barely responds to
me. She’s constantly hurting me by doing this and not changing what makes me uncomfortable when ive done it for here multiple times. This is just one incident of many in the past and i want to last with her but she treats me poorly at times and very good at other times

Update - Today i gave her a ride after the night before I was crying in front of her last night bc i was rlly hurt that she wouldn’t even acknowledge me. Today she barely talked to me didn’t hug or kiss me or show love or affection at all and when i dropped her off I said I love you and she didn’t say it back. Idk what i did that’s so wrong is it because i wanted to set boundary that’s saying I want us to be fully exclusive and not talk to other people of the opposite gender behind each other backs. I had a female friend a few months back and she caused a huge deal and said it made her uncomfortable and i understood and dropped that friend. She has that standard for me but not herself. I can’t tell if i she even loves me anymore

Tl Dr: ignores my feelings and only listens when it benefits her i feel like and she doesn’t change the things that make me uncomfortable like being in contact with many guys and even talking to some behind my back

Title: I (18M) feel like my girlfriend (17F) dismisses my feelings and I’m struggling to tell if I’m overthinking things or ignoring red flags.
My girlfriend (17F) and I (18M) have been together for about 10 months, although things were on and off at the beginning. She’s my first girlfriend, first kiss, and first relationship.
We met in September and hit it off immediately. Before homecoming, my friends told me she regretted choosing me over another guy, so I ended things. She explained that wasn’t true, and we started talking again. A couple weeks later, those same friends told me she slept with another guy. I ended things again, but they later admitted they completely lied. That night she mixed pills and alcohol (she was okay afterward). She has bipolar disorder, and her dad died by suicide when she was 5. The following night, while we were no longer together, she kissed two guys at a Halloween party.
In December we started talking again. My friends gave me an ultimatum to choose them or her. I chose her because they had repeatedly lied to me, and we’ve been together ever since.
Since then, there have been several trust issues. While we weren’t together, she posted gym selfies with a family friend to make me jealous. That same guy told her he was waiting for us to stop talking, and I later saw messages where she talked badly about me to him during our arguments. She also told me he sometimes touched her in ways that made her uncomfortable, so we blocked him together.
A few months ago I broke a promise we had about drinking without each other. She initially forgave me but later said it made her lose trust in me. Since then she’s told me we’re “emotionally incompatible,” that I’m “not enough,” and that she doesn’t always feel like talking to me. I’ve also noticed she’s become much more distant.
Recently I graduated, and she’ll still be in high school next year. Because of that, she added almost everyone in her grade on Snapchat and has been snapping a lot of guys. I told her it made me uncomfortable. She said she’d stop, but she didn’t.
Today I looked through her phone with her permission because she said she had nothing to hide. I found messages with a guy from her volunteer program asking him for a ride. He said no, but she kept asking. She says she didn’t think it was wrong or worth mentioning.
When I brought it up calmly, I cried, and it honestly felt like she was laughing or not taking my concerns seriously.
I’m not looking for validation or for people to tell me to leave. I genuinely want outside opinions because this is my first relationship, and I don’t know if I’m overthinking things or missing obvious red flags. Am I being insecure, or are my concerns reasonable? How would you handle this situation?
TL;DR: I (18M) have been with my girlfriend (17F) for 10 months. Early on, my friends repeatedly lied about her, but we’ve been together consistently since December. We’ve had ongoing trust issues involving another guy, snapping lots of guys after saying she’d stop, and recently asking a guy from volunteering for a ride without telling me. She has also said we’re “emotionally incompatible” and that I’m “not enough.” When I calmly brought up my concerns, I felt like she laughed at me instead of taking them seriously. I’m trying to figure out if I’m overthinking things or if these are legitimate red flags.