r/UpfrontCheaters

First time here, but really needed advice regarding this! (Names are fictitious)

So before I started dating my boyfriend i had this little fling with Tyler (24M), we knew each other for 2 years and had gone out several times already, but never anything more, since he was really self conscious of his appearance, but I always found him really cute, and in the middle of this situationship I met my current boyfriend Matthew he was perfect and all, we had a really comfy relationship but then his family offered a 2 month all-paid for South East Asia trip, we had agreed on a open relationship, but in the first week he flipped and was uncomfortable with that, so I said ok.

Next week I kissed Tyler and another boy, I kept it a secret from Matthew and told Tyler I couldn't be with him anymore, when my boyfriend returned we went to some frat parties and Tyler started flirting with me all the time, and i was guiltily flirting back, until I just couldn't keep the cheating inside of myself and exploded, and i told him everything and I said "I loved someone else, and I want to be with him" Matthew was devastated, but I felt good like my spark had returned and the same day I DM'd Tyler and he asked me out, we went out about 4 times and it was great.

Then Matthew wanted to talk to me about everything, we had a very emotional breakdown of our relationship and we decided to try again, and he told me if "I ever cheated on him again, to just break up with him". Now I can't stop thinking about Tyler, and we had a little kiss last week and I don't know what to do, because I love them both and I feel like I'm breaking the two of them. How can I solve this problem? Who do I choose? Or can I even choose in this situation

My current partner (23F) and I (33M) are in a disagreement. When I was 18 I was a year into a relationship with, we will call her, C (18f.) After a competition I had a party at my house, we’d all been drinking. Another girl, we’ll call her A (19f) made a move and snuck into my room at the end of the night and I cheated on C. A and I never spoke again, C and I continued to date for another 2 years. I never told C I slept with another woman.

Am I the asshole for never telling C? Or was I right for preserving C feelings? C never did find out. Our relationship ended on a fairly good note as I moved away for college.

**EDIT I’m not asking if I should tell her now. I’m asking if I was in the wrong for never telling her back then or if what I did was right in a sense. It was never suspected and we never spoke about it.

I met my girlfriend in 11th class, everything happend between both of us so fast that i couldnt even comprehend what was happening, she was broken from her past and i was there for her. she had a huge crush on me, I was also excited to date someone for the first time. We both went on with the flow everything went well for around 2 yrs.

Things took turn as my bestfriend introduced me to a girl, (let the girl's name be shanaya for convience). On the very first day I met her, it was clear that she was intrested in me. u ask me how do i know that ?. Trust me bro, I m the guy who knows how to read a woman's eyes.

Everything was going well between me and my girlfriend, But a new other female-character was introduced in my life other than my mum and my girlfriend, whom I started flirting with. 2-3 days passed with me and her flirting and sexting, mind u we didnt share any intimate pics... Its just the chats that were wrong uptill now.

Shanaya, was sweet and we both connected very well, we could talk for days about anything. One day, She asked me if i wanted to grab a beer... I was like sure. We drank and then we went for a walk where she touched my hand with her pinky finger, this felt wrong but I couldnt stop I held her hand, but this is where things took quite a drastic turn, We kissed !!! Thoughts ran through my mind of me cheating on my girlfriend, What if she found out and she left me, what would i do ?, Dont get me wrong shanaya was a great girl but commitment wasnt her forte. When my own thoughts were crushing me Inside shanaya started kissing me with more passion, This made me calm and I just went on with the flow, and a mistake became a fucking intentional action.

Now, Anyone else in my place wouldve stopped but I didnt, I was acting all innocent and as if i was all hers in front of my girlfriend but meeting with shanaya became a frequent thing. And whenever we met, we didnt talk much, she used to ask me to find a nice dark place to make-out and thats all we used to do. After some days she asked me the most important question - "What are we ?", Me being all straightfoward said - "I m in a commited relationship, which i just cant end... I like u but we cant stay in a relationship". We didnt meet or talk for a week straight, but then she approached me again and said - "wanna hangout like we used to ?", I asked - "Just tell me When and where, I will be there".

Everything was going well, I was in a relationship and a situationship at the same time, we all went to different college, but shanaya and me were in same city, so after around 1 year we reunited, Yes we went distant cuz my girlfriend was very insecure of shanaya as she found a very close photo of me and her in my laptop and somehow I convinced her, nothing is going on between me and shanaya, she was upset for few days and to convince her i had to remove all contacts with shanaya, so i did block her and was completely off my cheating phase for 1 year... Then again, Humans are just greedy assholes nothing and no-one makes them happy.

But after a year, i wanted to know what shanaya was upto so i unblocked her and after some days she texted me saying "hi, how are u doing" we talked and connected about stuffs happily. she asked if i was free next day, to which i said yes and we went into a bar and just drank 3-4 beers, kissed in the backseat of cab, I asked her if she was down for something more than make-out to which she replied politely- "I m not in the mood". So I dropped her to her hostel and I went to mine.

Cut to, Today, I m not connected to shanaya, My girlfriend is still thinks that I m no longer in contact with shanaya where as even now a On Off thing exists between me and her.

And Now comes the question comes up why am i confessing and why now, its because I m attracted to another girl(anamika) other than my girlfriend and shanaya, she is in my college, same dept different section. She is a beautiful pahadi girl, and I want to approach her tell her how cute she looks and allthat, but i stalked her, i found a public account of hers in which she posted reels, which i will let u know have seen more than 100 times... Yes i m fucking desparate for her. anyways i also found her unofficial account which has "#proud malkin" in bio which lets me believe she is commited.

I want to see her(anamika) with me but i cant leave my girlfriend at any cost.

What would u do in this situation?, And feel free to abuse the shit out of me in comments, I def deserve it.

I had been with my girlfriend for about two and a half years, and we’d only been living together for two months when everything blew up. Last night, we were watching a movie, and at some point I drifted off. I woke up to her shaking me, crying, yelling, holding my phone in her hand like it was evidence in a trial. She kept asking who Haley was and why she had been calling me so late. I was still half-asleep, trying to piece together what was happening, when I realized she had gone through my phone while I was knocked out.

Haley and I had been talking for about four months. We’d gone out a few times, and she knew I was in a relationship, but she also knew exactly where she stood. She wasn’t trying to replace my girlfriend; she just existed in this strange space I had allowed to form. So when my girlfriend started confronting me about the messages and the pictures, I found myself getting irritated, not guilty. The more she talked, the more I kept thinking about the fact that she had gone through my phone in the first place.

I finally told her how uncomfortable and betrayed I felt. I said that the moment she decided to dig through my phone, she crossed a line. To me, it showed she didn’t respect my privacy or trust me at all. I even told her that yes, Haley and I had slept together a few times, but the way she reacted made me feel like she was insecure, like she really believed someone else could take her place in my heart. I always thought she was more confident than that. Somehow, in that moment, her lack of trust felt bigger than anything I had done.

So I packed a bag and left. I told her I’d talk to her when I was ready, and I walked out before either of us said something we couldn’t take back. It’s been three days now. She’s been calling nonstop, texting long messages about wanting to talk, wanting to understand, wanting to fix things. She keeps asking me to forgive her, to come home, to work through it together. But every time my phone lights up with her name, all I can think about is her going through my phone like she had the right.

Now I’m stuck in this weird place, wondering if I can actually forgive her for catching me cheating. I know how that sounds, I’ve replayed it in my head a hundred times, but the feeling is still there. I don’t know if I should go back and try to fix things, or if walking away from what suddenly feels like a toxic situation is the better choice. I’m just trying to figure out what betrayal really means, and who actually betrayed who.

Hello please I really need some advice, my significant other has been cheating on me for a long time, and treating me like a piece of shit, I don't know what to do, he makes me feel so useless and unwanted, I have loved and was in love with my significant other i have done things for him i would never have done, I just want the truth and for him to stop stringing me along is it all my fault

Me(18f) and my bf (well now ex)(19m) have been dating for two years, but we recently broke up because of something i did and it has been making me go crazy. This isn’t the first time we’ve broken up, we’ve broke up around 4 times before this, but this time i really believe it’s done and i can’t handle that feeling.

The first couple times we’ve broken up was because he cheated (went to schoolies behind my back, fucked a girl, had a fake account on insta texting girls, went on double dates with his friends, etc) and didn’t “see a future” together which believe me was my first heartbreak. He was my first love and relationship the first and only person i’ve slept with and in my culture virginity is a very sacred thing , also made me get extremely attached to him.

in the beginning of our relationship he was unloyal, and simply secretive and i don’t know why i stayed with a cheater but i was attached and in love, and also 16. the last time we got back together (around 6 months ago) i truly saw a difference and maturity in him. he deleted the fake account infront of my face, kept loyal to me and was truthful about everything and i really saw that. for the past 6 months we’ve had the best relationship, he’s been the best boyfriend and the difference in him (even his face and demeanour) is unreal, if you were me and anyone around us you’d even notice it.

his reasoning for changing was because “he sees a future together and has matured, and that he realised what a good girl i was”. And since then we’ve been a perfect couple.

And around 2-3 weeks ago i was with my sister, auntie (who’s the same age as us) and another friend at a shisha bar. One of the workers kept staring and smiling at me and he was a pretty attractive guy however i had no intention of doing anything about it. I just wanted to relax and have a good time. The girls slowly noticed it and when my sister and i went to the bathroom and came back out, he was speaking to my auntie and our friend. I looked at my sister thinking omg what have they done.

He leaves and we sit back down asking what happened and all my auntie says is
“When i tell u to go outside go outside.”
I’m asking and asking questions im getting 0 answers. The last thing she says before she tells me to go outside is “I don’t care that you have a boyfriend, i don’t like him and what he’s done, go outside and get his number now.”

Something to note about my auntie is she has a very firm, dominate personality and it’s very hard to say no to her.

I go outside he’s there and we exchange numbers and that’s that. On the car ride back with just my sister and i , i began to feel extremely guilty and it was weighing on my conscience. That same night i blocked his number and forgot about it.

i didn’t plan on telling my boyfriend because he’d recently moved to another state and was already having insecurities about me cheating and id made his insecurities a reality .

5 days ago i told him because he downloaded my snapchat data and saw my messages with my auntie about it, and he broke up with me, saying “no hard feelings, i still love you but i can’t lose my self respect trying to fix this relationship. The difference between you and i is when i cheated i saw no future in us, but you cheated while seeing a future, and that says a lot. Goodbye and i love you.”

I feel so shit and guilty and idk what to do i lost the man of my dreams that changed his whole world for me, the man i saved and changed has left me and i feel empty and cold.

I’ve been considering messaging him but idk what i would say. I really want to get back together with him.

how I found out about my ex FIANCE had cheated. not once but to many times to count.

flashback time: its roughly 2018, im working as a manger for dollar tree at this point. I was closing one night and this tall skinny man comes into my store, I can see he had a few to drink but iim still polite for the public. this man lets call Joe, finds me in the store and starts asking questions like where he could find some items. I help him, I cash him out, now he's talking to much (probably tipsy lol). I don't really remember word for word of what we talked about, but at some point he's crying. he's emotional due to his baby mama drama. Now I did NOT ask him about it but I listened and gave random advice to a stranger. I also thought he was kinda cute, and the way he was talking like he was single. At some point that night he came back, he says "im sorry I thought you're really cute and I couldn't stop thinking about you and I also told my brother about you."

now im really confused at this point, he's mumbling and slurring and flirting with me, some how that night I ended up agreeing to meet up with Joe and his brother (call him josh) after my shift. Again he had been drinking and I've been smiling and nodding. it's the end of shift, I meet up with them and pick them up for them to ask to go to the strip club. first time meeting Joe that night and then I met josh when I picked them. apparently josh was treating Joe out again due to BMD.

The whole car ride I pretty much ignored Josh, and was showing my interest in Joe, not knowing he was still in a relationship. we get to the strip club get seated, the shot girl happened to be my BFF since 07'; that way I wasn't COMPLETELY left with strangers. when we sat down, josh sat across from me and we locked eyes. at that moment then I KNEW josh was mine. since that night at the club, josh and I would spend literally EVERYDAY with each other for the next month or so. he was MY perfect. I met his son and he ended up meeting mine. and thats when our wolf pack was made. Literally nothing could go wrong.

fast forward to roughly 1.5-2 years in, were engaged!!! I didn't believe in marriage until I had him. UNTIL closer to the 2 years things became rocky. petty fighting bickering back and forth. it came out of no where. turns out after losing his job he decided to start sniffing snow bunny. through out this rough time I would receive MANY random texts from a few people. first one was his BM. I thought she was trying to put a wedge between us when she told the TEA on this man. so as a typical woman, I ignored her and her threats. I didn't care.

random text from a woman I never heard of. when I asked her for proof she could only provide one photo, so with that, I also ignored. after going back and forth with her, josh assured me that she was a 420 friend. (thats basically the photo she shared, them sitting in our room passing the ZA.) I believed him, but was skeptical.

UNTIL...... our last week together. I received yet ANOTHER random message. this time it was on FB. when I opened these messages, my heart stopped. I didn't know how to process this. it was from a MAN. and it goes as followed "hi hon, im sorry I didn't know about you, but did you know you mans trying to EFF me in your room while our kids are asleep next door."

bruh. how do I respond? I ignored im at first, then got the courage to respond. and I do so by saying, "who are you talking about? idk you." then he gets all out of pocket and calling me a dumb ass whore for not knowing. and that he was going to call CPS on ME for not being a good mother watching them properly while he's out dogging me, then proceeded to send me their HOME MADE videos. mind you, I do. not judge, I loved him so much I explored with him, started eating his ars then it got to the point where he asked to be pegged. I was more than happy to please him. so in my mind, I was the best of both worlds.

well a few days after that, we took the kids to bowl (basically our backyard had a fence that went to the bowling alley). I still haven't said anything to josh, acting like EVERYTHING was okay. UNTIL the ending, yes we drank, we only had to walk 100 ft home. on the walk home I saw him talking to a group of MEN. and I lost It. I called him out by saying, " you trying to hook up with your boyfriends tonight? gang bang?" I was out of pocket for saying and acting the way I did in front of the kids, thats my ONLY regret.

yea, unfortunately he didn't think that was funny. lots of screaming and denying. Obviously he was embarrassed or mad he was caught. we go back and forth LOUDLY, that someone had already called in to the popos of disturbance. it was at this point where im so mad and had to much to drink, I black out the next 5 minutes. I come too seeing our boys screaming and crying in fear, josh in handcuffs, and I was crawling on the ground I couldn't get up. Thats when the officers started telling me what happened. Apparently, he had swung on me, hit my eye, my glasses fly off my face, I severely twisted my leg/ankle by tripping over a tree root, the rest of me was covered in scraps and cuts. the officers has shown up in JUST enough time. (I ended up in crutches and super swollen eye, and I was also starting my NEW job that week :) )

mind you, my adrenaline was flying as well as my ABL, I HAD NO IDEA I JUST BEEN BEAT. my poor kids witnessed it all (3 and 4 at the time). all because I called his cheating gay ass out. idk maybe he just couldn't admit he's into men too?! regardless, we are free from him. I have the best partner I could ask for of the past 3.5 years with a baby on the way. :)

thanks for your time on this NOW laughable event. carry on.

(This was 2-3 weeks ago as of now, I am now going to therapy weekly to work on myself)

(22M) Me and my partner of 3 years (now ex) opened up our relationship, fast forward a bit and I found someone that I ended up developing feelings for. I kept seeing this person despite my partner saying he was uncomfortable and saying he didn’t like how much I was seeing him.

I knew he didn’t like it and I kept seeing him, and when he tried to stop me I wanted to break up with him because I thought it wasn’t fair. I ended up breaking up with my partner and started being with this new person after weeks of arguing and me being unhappy, my partner (ex) did know I had feelings, I was open about that and didn’t lie to him.

A bit of context on the relationship, I got with my partner because of feelings of loneliness, I never felt the attraction you usually feel for someone at the beginning, at least physically… but over the 3 years I learned to love and adore him, I like to say that we were happy at times, but I feel like I knew something was missing and at times debated with myself if I should breakup, but stayed because I thought it could work and out of fear.

So what should I do… I feel immense shame, guilt and sadness and I feel like I’m not even allowing myself to enjoy this new relationship that I’m in because I feel guilty.

Hello. I am a resident doctor and recently has broken up with my boyfriend. We were in a happy live-in relationship and everything was going well including academics. All of a sudden he broke up with me and his so called new friends has barged into his room and doing weeding and all. I have been shattered by the way he broke up with me. But i still am concerned about his health and life! These people are staying in his room , living off his money and feeding him marijuana.. i went to visit him today and found him puking at the basin. Which i have never witnessed in the past one year of our relationship. I want to save his life. Please help!! His friends are jobless and are leeches. They aren’t even allowing me to meet him. Please help or suggest me what should i do

I’m F22, and my bf M23 cheated on me on Reddit by messaging anonymous women and trading pictures back for the last 7 months. We have been together for 2 years and 8 months, and have been living together for 2 years with our own cat.

I found out exactly one day before my flight for vacation when he was supposed to watch our home while I went vacation with my family.

When first confronted, I only saw that he was complimenting and snapping women. Gave his number out and was flirting with them. For me, this was only semi-cheating as it was only small talk. As the day went on, that’s when I found the bread and butter. He didn’t even tell me.
For the last 7 months, he went on Reddit scamming sex workers to get free content- which is not a man that respects women. He was looking for connection elsewhere. He only kept me around for convenience and made it his behaviour. Why couldn’t he just watch porn?

I felt so special finally being his girl ( this was almost 3 years ago) because neither of us wanted to be in relationship, but we liked eachother so much and couldn't stop hanging out EVERYDAY. It was amazing, we’ve had such a strong bond before all of this.

Part of me thinks, if he gets the help he needs, therapy, he could be the partner he once was for me before he started to fall down the rabbit hole of cheating on me with online with sex workers.

Because once a man loses the love of their life, they have two choices, they either continue you toxic cycle and blame everyone for their problems, or they become the best versions of themselves by doing the inner work.

What would you do?

So I'm a 45M and wife is a 44F and we had been married for about 3 years. During this time I had a bad drug addiction and she had been dealing with it for 4.5 years now and didn't want her son who was 10y old boy at the time to see me fucked up and passed out all the time. So she got scared and goes to colorado with her son and our dog for 6 months before coming back to stay at her parents house. During this 6 month break we still remained married as she said she needed time to think about what to do, she didn't want to divorce me right away she wanted me to wake up and get clean. Well she was in colorado about 2 months in she ended up sleeping with an old friend who lived out there one time, she said she immediately regretted it and felt horrible and disgusting in her self. For the next year and a half once she moved back to oregon about an hour north of me we would see each other once a month so she could see my progress which we were sexually active during also . Well I finally get clean and move back in with her at her parents house until we can save up enough for us and the child to move out again and after 2 months of me staying with her and remaining clean one day she came clean to me . She said she thought our marriage was done and we were going to divorce which we had papers signed even just she hadn't turned them in. She said once I got clean she knew she had to tell me now so she did, she explained they had sex once which she said she didn't even enjoy cause she felt horrible the whole time and immediately left and deleted his number and hasn't talked to him since . She also came clean to me, I mean I had my suspicions and would make comments but ultimately she came out and just told me on her own accord . So after she tells me all this she apologized for fucking up and said she wants us to reconcile and stay married and she's willing to do anything I ask of her to prove I can trust her again. She offered to tell her parents and mine, to go to MC or therapy, to have me track her phone and such. It's been a week now since she told me, I told her I wanted to reconcile because I still loved her and thought well in only happened once, and she came to me to confess so that says a lot at least to me it does. I'm trying to work things out so far, we had sex once since all this and she's given me at least 5 blowjobs since then, I just haven't been able to kiss her like I used to yet. I can give her pecks on the lips or top of the head or cheek but no French kissing yet , she feels dirty to me still that way but I'm trying to work through it all. What should I do?? Do I stay and hope it all gets better? Do I file for divorce? I really want to try to work things out since she came to me and confessed and this was only a 1 time event, it's not like this went on for 2 months or anything so the reconciliation seems valid and I honestly feel she only wants me. Any advice would help thanks in advance!

For men who have done it, why did you cheat on your SO?

So I decided to browse my wife’s iPad and I found messages and pics from another man confirming she had cheated on me with him.
Do I confront her or do I keep quiet? We are getting on great at the moment and I’m worried it will ruin things

hi, share ko lang na experience ko, im only 14yrs old and batak na agad sa buhay hahshahahaha, as in legit napaka bullshit ng buhay ko, pero never akong nag try mag s*cide or hurt myself, here's the main story, naalaman kong kasi na iba pala yung legit ko'ng tatay and nalaman ko lang sa diary ng mama ko and until this day hindi pa rin nila sinasabi sa'kin ang totoo, and trying to manipulate me?? eme kasi minsan nahuhuli ko silang nagsisinungaling and sa mga lumang litrato namin wala as in wala akong father figure don kahit anino, then one time sa lumang messager ng mama ko nakita ko yung lumang convo nila na inaassume kong real dad ko kasi nag soc(s£x on chat) sila legit i was only 9yrs old and naiyak talaga ako non, buti nalang mag isa ako non sa bahay namin, and hindi ko pa sinasabi yung nalaman ko, i kept it as a secret until this day, kasi natatakot at nahihiya ako sa kanila or sadyang mahina lang ako sa confrontation , ewan ko ba landi din kasi ng nanay ko and. Ayon nag asawa ulit yung gaga, he met this guy 5 or 6yrs ang agwat ng age nila, and this man may pamilyang adik, yung mama niya is drug lord samin dati pero paldo ako dati sakaniya nung nabubuhay pa siya kaso deds na na tokhang ata, yun yung pag kakaalam ko and galing din siya sa broken family, yung tatay niya may bagong asawa, kaya etong lalakeng to parang walang nang kasama sa buhay, pero sila na ng mama ko nung namatay yung nanay niya, and currently nag ka anak sila, bunsong kapatid ko, and now he's currently 10yrs old.

Last year, i caught my father na nagjajak@l sa omegle and gmail account pa ginamit ko wtf kaya nahuli ko siya and men hindi ko siya sinumbong kay mama, and lagi siyang may kinakausap sa omegle, and nahuli ko ulit siya sa may telegram naman tang ina, naghahanap siya nang mga walker ko dun kingina, and nahuli ko siya with my innocent eyes, nag vid talaga ako ng convo, kingina promise nandidiri na ako sakaniya pati na rin sa nanay ko, lahat sila. Ang masama lang hanggang ngayon ginagawa niya pa rin parang wala siyang konsensiya sa sarili niya at sa pamilya niya hindi niya ba naisip yun, kingnangina niya tapos!! lakas niyang mang guilt trip sakin kunting error lang sa bahay, like magulo yung damitan ko, sasabihin niya "ano to basura? tapon mo nalang kaya yan" sarap sabihin "king ina mo" sarap nilang murahin lahat. Hanggang ngayon tinatago ko pa din to, minsan ansakit lang sa feeling na yung bata yung nagsusuffer sa kasalanan ng magulang nila. Hirap kasi parang bigat na, sana matulungan niyo ko:))