Cheating Update (A good twist) 34F 36M
Okay I posted on here last week and deleted the post because you guys ate me up. Which all very true statements. Here is a breakdown of the situation.
I (34F) cheated twice with the same person in August and never said anything. The person was someone I was also seeing since May and I should have ended it immediately. I regret it immensely and know that I deserve everything that is happening for having done that. Now I am going to breakdown instances in the so called perfect relationship we had, because we were looking at rings to get married just a few weeks back. So lets begin....
Met in June 2025
Started officially dating in July 2025
December 2025 - bf comes to me and confesses that he has had an outbreak and he tested positive for Herpes 2. He immediately apologizes for having given it to me and tells me how he used to live a very irresponsible life before us. A week later I have an outbreak and test positive as well. Now I'm thinking wow I love this man and I have no reason to think any infidelity has occurred. Plus were in love guys so we move forward.
January 2026- he finds a message I deleted on my phone from a guy I no longer talked to saying "so you wont talk to me anymore" or something along those lines. I had no contact with him so no need to keep his messages. Not good, he was upset and grilled me about it for a while.
At one point in the beginning of 2026 he requested I no longer have guy friends, a specific one who had never been more than a friend but I get it so I block the guy and stop all contact.
March 2026- I find that he has multiple Instas, some have profile pics that are more sensual than others. We have a fight and I'm looking through everything and of course, never find anything on there. He deletes the other accounts.
June 2026 - I find out he texted his ex to ask to meet her. She never responded, so nothing happened. I obviously forgave him but let him know how much it hurt my feelings and that I want him to delete the contact. (he never does)
July 2026- He looks through my phone and finds messages with two of my friends about me seeing the guy in August. These messages were from July 2025.
Life blew up obviously. He was extremely hurt and angry with me. Wanted me out of the house then to work things out. And I was begging him to forgive him, to do counseling at church or therapist. I mean I was down bad trying to find a way to make things work. He let me know what a POS I was and how could I cheat on HIM. All that jazz yk. I mean he wanted me to hurt and at the time I completely understood that what I did was the ultimate betrayal so I begged him, on my knees begged him. He said really mean and hateful things to me which were all well deserved. When he asked me why I did it I explained that it was so stupid of me, I didn't know what we would have or that I loved him at that point. Really there is no justification for cheating, I know that. I have always been cheated on with all my LTR and STR and I just thought well this time I will do it first because it ALWAYS happens anyways. That's a super dark thing to admit and again I cannot justify what I did. It was a horrible choice and it's on me to be a better person in the future for myself and any future partners.
THEN, the truth came out... we're in the midst of figuring out if staying together would even work for us and he's crying and he's like "I have to be honest with you. I also cheated when you were out of town back in August 2025 and when I found out you had cheated on me last week I fucked the receptionist at the gym" I laughed out loud.... because WTF do you mean you have treated me like trash the last week and a half, made me pack and unpack my shit, have all my clothes in bags AND YOU HAD DONE THE SAME THING THE ENTIRE TIME.
The first thing that came to my mind was I FUCKING KNEW IT, they all cheat and DAMN IT HE DID IT FIRST. Again terrible dark things to admit. So now were sitting here staring at each other knowing we both did wrong to each other. So what do we do.... I suggest start a clean slate, go to therapy and work on all our issues. I mean we live together, I've been parenting his son this entire year with him, we've met our families and we had a vision for a future together. He agrees, all happy and dandy then next day tells me I have to go and that he hates me. He cannot get past me doing that to him, he cannot get over me being with another man. Says its different for guys. Tells me I will not like who he is and all the making up I will have to do.
So I am moving out now and the relationship is over. My first step is therapy for myself and why I felt compelled to cheat when I knew what it felt like and to make sure I do not repeat it again. I am in between feeling deserving of all of that has happened and also hurt by how he reacted and sad that the relationship has ended. I am struggling to move forward while it feels like he already has his next partners lined up on his socials.
What's some advice on how to move forward and even how I should feel? All perspectives welcomed.