r/relationships

I’m 24F and my boyfriend is 23M. We’ve been together for a year and we were both virgins before having sex together. We’ve had sex 3 times total (once in April and twice in May).

During sex he kept slipping out and afterward he told me I “looked big,” which made him question whether he was actually my first. He kept asking if he was really my first and now I feel horrible and insecure about my body.

I honestly don’t know much about sex or what’s normal, but this situation has made me not even want to have sex anymore because I feel embarrassed and judged.

**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.

I (F/53) was recently invited to the hen do of a friend’s daughter (F/33) I was pleased and excited to be asked. The hen do has a mix of ages from 30s to 60s. Then last week after having dinner with her, my friend said casually just as we were parting, “By the way I’m sorry, you can’t come to my daughter’s hen do after all, her bridesmaids have arranged it and we have too many people coming.” I didn’t say anything but my shock and disappointment must have been written all over my face, because when I got home, she sent me a message to apologise because she hadn’t meant to hurt my feelings, and she hopes that we can meet soon. No mention of re-inviting me, not that I would want to go now.
AITAH for not wanting to tell her that everything is fine? I know this isn’t the worst problem in the world, but my feelings really are hurt. I hate that they must have discussed it and decided to drop me. I don’t want to put myself in the wrong by being passive aggressive or to hurt her in return, but I want to make it clear that it’s not ok.

TL;DR how to respond to being uninvited when my feelings are hurt

My boyfriend and I split literally everything penny by penny, and it’s starting to make me feel strange about the relationship.For context, I earn around £2k/month and live in London, so after rent and bills I’m honestly struggling quite a bit. He earns around £5k/month. He also talks about money a lot and is very strict about splitting costs exactly equally. What makes this harder emotionally is that he told me he financially supported his ex quite a lot when she was unemployed. Meanwhile, I work a lot and still barely afford living costs, but with me he mostly says things like “we can just do free things together.” I’m conflicted because on one hand I don’t think a partner owes me money, and I don’t want to sound entitled or materialistic. But on the other hand, the contrast really hurts my feelings. It makes me feel like he was capable of generosity/caretaking in a previous relationship, but not with me.

I also wonder whether strict 50/50 is actually fair when there’s such a big income difference. Sometimes I feel more like a roommate splitting bills than someone being cared for romantically.

At the same time, I know maybe he got burned in the past and became more guarded financially after that relationship. Am I being unreasonable here? How do people normally handle income differences in relationships?

Also: I said “I love you” first to him which he did not reciprocate and he said it takes time for him to say that, it has been months he didn’t say it.

TL;DR: My boyfriend earns much more than me but insists on splitting everything exactly 50/50, even though I’m struggling financially. What hurts more is that he financially supported his unemployed ex in the past. I don’t want to sound materialistic, but it makes me feel uncared for. Am I overreacting?

I (27F) went out with my sister (30F) today, and I’ve been feeling oddly sad about it ever since.

We rarely go out together anymore, so I was actually looking forward to spending some time with her. We went to a café after I had to visit somewhere nearby, and I was genuinely happy she agreed to come.

But the whole time she was on her phone replying to work messages from her senior on Teams. I completely understand work pressure and how corporate jobs can make people feel like they constantly need to stay visible and available. She even mentioned that herself, so I do get it. That’s partly why I didn’t say anything.

Still, it felt really awkward sitting across from someone who barely looked up the entire time. I’m someone who usually doesn’t use my phone when I’m out eating with someone, so there was nothing I really wanted to scroll through either. I was mostly just sitting there waiting for the order, looking around, trying not to feel weird about the silence.

At one point I showed her something on my phone, but she didn’t really look up because she was focused on replying to work. Then once the food came, she clicked one picture of it and immediately went back to her phone again.

Nothing technically “bad” happened. She wasn’t rude or mean, and I’m genuinely grateful she still came out with me because I needed to go somewhere nearby anyway. But emotionally it just felt like we weren’t actually spending time together even though we were physically sitting together.

I didn’t express any of this to her because I know she’s stressed and working hard, but I came home feeling unexpectedly disconnected and sad. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this is just what adult relationships sometimes become.

TL;DR:

I (27F) rarely get to spend time with my sister (30F), so I was looking forward to our café outing. But she spent almost the entire time replying to work messages on Teams and barely engaged with me. I understand her work pressure and I’m grateful she came, but I still felt emotionally disconnected and unexpectedly sad afterward.

This is my first post, so apologies if it's formatted in a strange way.

Ever since I entered my teenage years, my dad has become more noticeably hot-tempered and unpredictable. Whenever I try to come up with a small conversation with him, it somehow always turns into a lecture/argument. I have a younger sister (15F) who I try to protect from my dad's comments by arguing back, because I used to struggle with my own self image, thanks to him. My mum (46F) is usually the mediator when we argue, but she is also afraid of my dad, and often tells me how she wishes that he wasn't so emotional all the time. I don't like the effect that my dad's behaviour/emotions are having on my family.

He often speaks irrationally without much consideration of what the other person might feel. I'm very bad at maths, and he always makes sure that I'll be worthless and dumb for as long as my scores in maths exams stay down. I'm really trying though, but I don't think he realises that. He also used to physically abuse me, but that stopped when I was 12. We actually talked about it. We are a religious (christian) family, and every now and then he'd apologise and ask for forgiveness from me, claiming that "the devil possessed him" every time he'd abuse me. I didn't really buy it.

Instead of abuse, since then he became violent in other ways. Whenever things don't go his way, he always swears and throws something at the wall, or when we're outside, he walks off and leaves us behind. Recently, I insisted on taking an umbrella with us when we went out on a family dinner, but he started yelling all of a sudden, saying that "it won't rain", and snatched my umbrella out my hands and threw it at the wall, which caused a dent. Just like I said, it did end up pouring, and we were drenched. He didn't even spare a look of concern for my sister, who was recovering from a cold that day. He refuses to admit he's wrong.

He doesn't act like this all the time, either, and it confuses me. At church, he acts all reserved and polite, and acts like a dad. The second we get home, however, he starts to pick on my sister and I for doing nothing. He releases all his stress from work by coming home and yelling at us, and it's tiring being the only one in the family who stands up for myself and my mum and sister.

These days, his small comments don't affect me too much. I'm not sure if I've matured or just stopped caring, but watching the consequences of his actions and how it sometimes gets back at him (like the umbrella and the rainy day) is now amusing to me. I feel like I'm better/smarter/more rational than him, despite the age difference and skill level in maths. I view him as an immature man who still hasn't developed his emotional critical skills, and hardly as my dad anymore.

I'm planning on moving out as soon as I can and reducing contact, because despite there being some good memories together, he's quite draining. I'm only worried for my mum and sister, because, not to sound narcissistic, but they aren't as resilient or strong-willed as I am. I want to improve the relationship while I can, but I don't think its salvageable anymore, since it's been going on for years now.

~~~~

TL;DR: My dad is very stubborn, has a high ego, and immediately resorts to violence over even the most trivial disagreements. He think's he's the king of the family, and it's destroying our relationship with him.

edited: "We are a religious (christian) family, and he claimed that "the devil possessed him" every time he'd abuse me."
into: "We are a religious (christian) family, and every now and then he'd apologise and ask for forgiveness from me, claiming that "the devil possessed him" every time he'd abuse me."

I honestly still feel numb writing this. I'm a 26 year old male that has been living in London for 3 years now.

I’m not from the UK originally. I moved here around four years ago for a master’s degree (Hull). During that time I met a group of friends through classes and eventually met my girlfriend, who’s american and was studying abroad for her own master before finding work here too.

We clicked ridiculously fast. Same humor, same hobbies, same weird taste in movies, all of that. We started dating not long before I finished my degree, and after graduating I got sponsored through work and stayed here.

We’ve been together for three years now.

Important context because it matters to the story: I’m a trans man. I told her on our second date because I didn’t want surprises or weirdness later. At that point I’d already had top surgery and was saving up for bottom surgery.

She reacted… honestly perfectly. No weird invasive questions, no performative “omg you’re so brave,” none of that. She just kind of accepted it and moved on. At the time that meant everything to me because I’d had bad experiences before, people that freak out, or that start with this weird behavior that makes you very uncomfortable. But with her, it was just like sharing another little thing that made me, well, myself.

Our relationship always felt stable. We moved in together a year ago. We split rent and bills evenly. We had routines, shared friends, inside jokes, plans for the future, you know, normal couple stuff.

And yes, before anyone asks, intimacy was normal too. I’ve always had insecurities about my body and she knew that, but she never made me feel unwanted. Last year I finally had bottom surgery after years of saving, money I had since before I even came to the UK. It genuinely changed my life. I was happier than I’ve ever been.

She seemed happy too, for me. We adapted surprisingly quickly and things honestly felt good between us afterward, which is why what happened yesterday completely destroyed me.

I came home early from work because my shift got cut short. I was actually in a good mood. I planned to catch up on some paperwork and maybe ask her out to dinner later.

When I walked in, she was in the kitchen talking to someone with her AirPods in. She has this awful habit of basically becoming deaf when she’s wearing them, so she didn’t realize I was home.

At first I wasn’t paying attention. Then I heard my name.

She laughed and said, “Don’t be mean to OP, he’s sweet.”

I don’t know why I stopped, but I did.

Then she started talking about my surgery. Saying she honestly didn’t think she’d “make it this far.” Saying she didn’t know what to expect getting into a relationship with me and that it was “way weirder” than she thought it would be.

Then she called me an experiment.

Literally said she still viewed the whole relationship as “an experiment” and that she was “curious to see how it goes.” At one point she said she honestly feels more like she’s “observing a weird thing” than dating a boyfriend.

And she laughed while saying it.

I can’t even explain the feeling properly. It was like every insecurity I’ve ever had hit me all at once.

Because if I’m honest, there were things over the years that bothered me. Sometimes she’d compare me to cis men in weird ways. Sometimes she’d ask questions that felt less like curiosity and more like she was mentally “studying” me. A few times she made comments in front of other people that genuinely made me panic she was about to out me.

Every time I brought it up she apologized and stopped, so I convinced myself I was overreacting.

Now I feel stupid.

I left before she saw me, and walked around for hours. Ended up sitting alone at some random pub trying to figure out whether the last three years of my life were even real to her.

What hurts most is that I genuinely loved her. I was planning to propose sometime next year. I already had savings mentally divided between a ring and us eventually buying a place together.

We were literally talking this week about upgrading to a bigger apartment once our lease ends in two weeks.

Now I’m sitting here realizing I don’t even want to touch her, or look at her. I feel disgusted with her and with myself. I can't stop thinking about her each of these years touching me just to feel how weird it would be.

I came home really late last night after she was asleep and stayed on the couch. Today I’ve barely spoken to her. I know she must sense something is going on.

But honestly? I don’t think I even want a conversation. I don't want to hear a try to explain herself, or a lame excuse to justify what I heard with my own ears.

Maybe that makes me immature, I don’t know. But I feel so deeply humiliated and used that I genuinely don’t see a point. I don’t think there’s an explanation on earth that would fix hearing your partner describe you like a science project.

So my current plan is:

-keep interactions minimal for the next two weeks

- wait for the lease period to end

- pack my stuff

- disappear

I can afford it. My job pays well now and I have decent savings because unlike her, I’m pretty strict with money.

The other thing is… before all this happened, I’d been looking at jobs in Australia. It’s kind of been a dream of mine for years, and there’s currently a skilled visa pathway for my field. Every time I seriously considered applying before, she convinced me to stay.

Now I’m thinking maybe I should’ve gone the first time.

Especially because Reform winning here has honestly made me feel less secure long-term as a trans person in the UK anyway.

So now I’m considering blowing up my entire life and leaving the country within the year.

I don’t know if ghosting someone after three years is cruel. Maybe it is. But right now I feel like if I sit down and listen to her explain herself, I’ll just lose whatever self-respect I still have left. And the single thought of remaining beside her for more time completely repulses me in a way I had never felt ever before.

TL:DR: I overheard my (26 f) gf of 3 years saying she sees me like an experiment. I plan to leave, though I don't know if it's right.

I'm 31 with autism, dating a 37-year-old woman. Overall we have a great relationship and communicate really well, but there's a recurring pattern that's been bothering me.

---

Twice now, I've been in a bad enough place that I had to cancel plans with her to take care of myself.

I'm talking full burnout: can't eat, can't get out of bed, can't shower, angry at everything.

I do therapy and take medication, and I take responsibility for my mental health. But sometimes work and life just pile up, and there's no way to be fully present in everything.

---

Both times I've been honest with her about what I was going through, her first reaction was to focus on her own frustration. How she was upset, how she'd already made plans around our plans.

I get it. I'd probably feel frustrated too. But when I'm already at rock bottom, the last thing I need is someone adding more weight to carry.

I want to listen to what she feels and has to say, but I don't need to feel even more useless just when I feel like shit. I never chose to be born neurodivergent or in a world where you have to work yourself to dust to have economic stability. I don't want pity, it's only that it's hard for me too, you know.

---

I'm not asking her to come over and take care of me, cook for me, or even comfort me. Just to acknowledge what I'm going through and not make it worse.

What really stings is feeling punished for being honest. I want a relationship where I can be open about how I'm feeling, and right now being open leads to her being visibly upset with me. It makes me want to just hide it next time, which is the opposite of what I want.

Has anyone navigated something like this? Is this something worth bringing up directly, or am I being unreasonable?

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TL;DR: I have autism and burnout. Twice I've canceled plans with my girlfriend because I was genuinely unable to function. Both times she responded by focusing on her own frustration instead of acknowledging what I was going through. I'm not asking for much, just basic recognition. But being honest with her makes me feel punished, and I don't know how to handle it.

My boyfriend(M25) and I(F22) have been together for four years. He works nights and I do a regular 9-5, so the only time we genuinely have together is on weekends. I have made peace with that. What I have not been able to make peace with is what those weekends actually look like.

This morning I woke up early hoping to spend some quiet time with him before my day started. He was on his phone while I talked. I gently took his phone from his hand and asked for just five minutes of his attention. He put his head down and went quiet. No conversation, no effort, nothing.

That same morning I found out from our caretaker that rent had not been paid and the landlord was getting angry, while I had paid my half on time every single time. He had lied about it. When I brought it up calmly and said I just wanted to be kept in the loop, he exploded, started yelling, and said how much do you earn. I cried, wiped my tears, and left for work without another word.

Tonight I called hoping he would have something to say, an apology, an explanation, anything. The first call he talked about what to ask the cook to make for dinner. The second time I asked directly if he had anything else to say to me. He said no. The third call he turned everything around and said it was my fault for asking and that he is not in a good mood these days.

This is not new. A while ago he told me that he was loving and attentive in the beginning because he was chasing me, and that now that he knows I will not leave, there is no reason to keep trying. He said it casually, like it made perfect sense.

The thing is, I know nothing will change. I have known for a while. I know how every confrontation ends before it starts. I am not in love anymore, I am in a habit. I am in a city far from my friends, my name is not on the lease, and the idea of starting over alone is terrifying. So I stay. And I have been grieving this relationship quietly for longer than I would like to admit.

For those who have been here, how did you finally leave when every logical part of you knew it was time but you just could not make yourself do it?

Ready to post whenever you are. I hope the responses bring you some clarity.

TLDR: Been with my boyfriend for 4 years. He has become completely indifferent, lied about paying rent while I paid my half on time, yelled at me when I calmly asked to be kept in the loop, and once told me he stopped putting in effort because he knows I won’t leave. I know I need to go but I am alone in a new city with no support system and leaving feels impossible. How did you finally do it?

I(18F) just recently got into a situation where a guy touched me inappropriately. I was sitting down and it was in a crowded area and I had barely any space to move away, however I did stand up and try.

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend (18M) for almost 2 years now. The day that this incident happened I immediately texted my boyfriend and told him about it, and his response was obviously going against the guy and he was immediately protective of me. However, just yesterday, I took a long nap (around 5 hours?) without telling him. It's important to note that we do not live together currently. Anyways, hes upset that we barely talked for the day and is being super dry when out of nowhere he brought up the situation again.

It has been a couple weeks since I first told him about it so it didn't make sense to me why he would be bringing it up now. Then, he started blaming me for it. Even though I had explained to him that I did stand up and I moved the best that I could the day of the incident, he still said that I should've moved away more or at least told on the guy; which I didn't because I'm not confrontational and I just wanted to get out of there. He then goes onto say how weird he felt and how I should have done something more and I was honestly just appalled that he was saying all of this stuff. He also said that I 'brought it up so casually, which in the vm I sent him explaining the situation, I did not sound casual at all.

He denied that he was blaming me. I clarified once again that I did stand up and I did move away as much as possible.

Immediately after saying that, he says that he must've misunderstood and he has been profusely saying sorry ever since now. I can't help but think that if something more serious happened than just a touch, would he still find a way to blame me? I don't know if I should let this go or break up. I'm worried that since we've been together for so long, I wont be able to find somebody else.

TLDR: My boyfriend brought up a past situation where a guy got handsy with me and started blaming me for it, he later apologized but I'm still unsure of what to do.

I’m a woman in my late 40s and I’ve been with my partner (late 40s) for 7 years. He’s an artist. When we met, he was actually financially consistent. He worked various day jobs, paid his bills, contributed to rent, had his own art studio in NYC, etc. We weren’t living together initially, but even after we did, he was still functioning as an adult financially, even if freelance/art life sometimes meant uneven timing.

For context: I’ve always been very independent. I lived alone for most of my adult life before this relationship. I’ve traveled solo since my 20s, built my own stable life, maintained my own apartment, career, finances, etc. I’m not someone who was looking to be “saved” or taken care of. If anything, I’ve always been used to carrying myself.

Then COVID happened. I lost my job too, but I had savings and kept paying bills. His career/income situation changed more dramatically after COVID and honestly it feels like things never fully recovered.

Since then there’s been a lot of dreaming, ideating, creative projects, “rebuilding,” etc., but not a lot of actual financial stability returning. And I’m struggling emotionally because I genuinely admire his artistry and respect the life he’s chosen, but I’m realizing I don’t want long-term instability to become my lifestyle.

I worked hard to get to a place where I’m financially stable, independent, able to travel, able to enjoy life without constantly struggling. I don’t want to spend the next decade subsidizing someone else’s dreams while delaying my own peace of mind, security, travel goals, and future planning.

The hard part is that I know he didn’t “trick” me. He wasn’t pretending to be something he wasn’t when we met. But I also don’t think I fully understood what this dynamic would feel like long-term once our lives became deeply intertwined financially and domestically.

I think what scares me most is that I no longer know whether this is a difficult chapter he’s actively rebuilding from… or whether this is just our permanent reality now.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of shift in a long-term relationship after COVID changed someone’s career trajectory? Especially if you were the more stable/independent partner? How did you tell the difference between supporting someone through a hard period versus quietly becoming responsible for carrying the long-term stability of the relationship?

TL;DR: My artist partner was financially stable and contributing consistently for the first several years of our relationship, but things changed after COVID and never fully recovered. I’m a very independent person who built a stable life on my own long before this relationship, and I’m starting to realize I don’t want long-term financial instability to become my lifestyle. I love and respect him, but I’m struggling to tell the difference between supporting a partner through a hard chapter versus quietly becoming responsible for carrying the long-term stability of the relationship.

Do you think it’s OK for my now boyfriend/father of my child’s family(25M) to be see so close to his first situation? I understand respect level for the sake of the child that came out of it. However the hanging out, running errands and coming to the parents house to just connect every other day is weird to me and I was NOT raised like that.
TL;DR I was raised the mother or father of a situation should stay away because that’s respect and loyalty to that family’s son/daughter. Helping a child out of situation like that should always be done directly and thats it.
It’s uncomfy and it makes me distrust his whole family. I feel like they are trying to make me accept it rather than respect my feelings and I cannot stand that. Why would I want my child around that if the mother won’t show the same love I show for her daughter? How do I know? I used to help this chick out of love of my now boyfriend.

It makes me regretful and sad I have to bring my daughter into a loose family like this when she deserves seclusion/loyalty/tradition. It’s something I HAVE to live with forever and it’s just building resentment for everyone on his side.
I would like valuable advice…

TL;DR: Had a respectful breakup after a 6-year relationship, went no-contact, and moved on with my life. My ex quickly married someone else, but over the years his wife and family became convinced I was obsessed with them, despite me never contacting them. Now my ex is accusing me of harassment with zero proof because I stayed friends with two mutual friends. Should I have cut those friendships off too, and should I be worried about these accusations?

I ended my longest relationship, 6 years total, back in 2023, and from my perspective it was a respectful and clean breakup. It was mutual, and I genuinely believed we ended things on good terms.

About 3 months later, my ex started dating someone new. Honestly, that wasn’t my business, and I was happy for him cause we both deserved happiness. I went through my grief properly..
I did the hard work to heal. Yes, occasionally I would stalk their profiles, but I think that’s pretty normal after a long relationship. Eventually I asked for no contact and actually respected it completely for months. No stalking for months.

Meanwhile, he moved into a very intense relationship almost immediately. They got married in less than a year I think.

During 2024, a mutual friend told me that my ex’s wife was obsessed with me and believed I was trying to interfere in their relationship. Told him to never talk about that again cause it hurted me. Apparently they thought my friend (mutual) was secretly feeding me information so I could hurt them somehow. The reality is I never contacted either of them. I never insulted her, never looked for him, never tried to get his attention. I was literally just living my life, healing, dating casually, and moving on.
Still, his family became convinced that I was harassing them. My ex mother in law would text me asking me to “please stop bothering them.” Ironically, the person who actually bullied me was my ex’s brother and I strongly suspect his wife encouraged it. He hated me throughout the entire 6 year relationship. I told my ex MIL, that his son was the one harassing me, and I had proof. She agreed, and we ended the discussion.

I never reacted aggressively, but I blocked my ex mil because the accusations became exhausting. I blocked them all, all of his family and friends. Except for two mutual friends that I love.

Then in 2025, something strange happened: my ex’s sister contacted me apologizing on behalf of the whole family and my ex(without him knowing I believe). Apparently his wife ended up fighting with everyone and showed her true colors. Around the same time, I also received an anonymous apology message that I suspect came from either my ex mil or one of their relatives. I didn’t answered.

Now in 2026, things got weird again. (And my tumor grew, but I’m fine now)

My sister received a message from my ex (and I later found an email in my spam folder because he’s blocked everywhere). He accused me of sending photos from my birthday party to his wife. The alleged photos were literally just pictures where two mutual friends happened to appear.

For context: these two friends remained in my life because they are genuinely good friends to me. I cut ties with almost everyone connected to my ex except them. I have never discussed my ex with them beyond these recent incidents. We have a rule, we drink and we don’t talk about Kevin.

According to my ex, me sending those photos was somehow affecting custody issues involving his daughter because his wife allegedly wanted to take the child away from him. He asked my sister to tell me to stop.

My sister asked him for screenshots or proof. He refused and claimed they “couldn’t show evidence because they were going to sue me.” No lawsuit ever came. And honestly, there’s no proof because I didn’t do anything.

What bothers me is not even the accusation itself, it’s the fact that after years of no contact, he reached out to both me and my sister accusing me of harassment over something absurd.

Meanwhile, I actually DO have proof of them mocking me in the past, including editing a shirt with insults directed at me.

My brother in law got rwally angry and told my ex to stop contacting my sister and to leave me alone because he knows me personally and knows I wouldn’t do this kind of thing. My ex simply replied: “I agree.” Not anything else. My BIL wants to beat him if he ever sees him, cause my sis was pregnant at that time, and she got distressed. When she got the message that they wanted to sue me, she got stressed cause I’m the little sis. :/

Another strange thing is that those two mutual friends no longer want to be friends with him. They told me they prefer being around me because “there’s no drama” on my side. And we just have so much fun, my family loves them.

At this point I genuinely don’t understand what motivates these accusations. I could understand if I had actually behaved badly after the breakup, but I didn’t. I moved on responsibly and peacefully. With little stalking.
My ex had never EVER tried to contact me before this. I actually believed he had a very happy relationship and life’s and I was glad.

So now I’m wondering:
What causes someone to develop this kind of retrospective jealousy or obsession toward an ex who never tried to come back into their life?
And should I actually be concerned about these accusations, even if there’s clearly no evidence?
Should I have cut off those mutual friends too?
I believe they’re getting a divorce, and I feel bad but also why if I did nothing and even if I did what they say I did, it’s so dumb.. like why would you get a divorce over a picture of two people on a party. THAT DOESNT EXIST. Or maybe it does exist and the people who sent those pics where my friends who I don’t talk anymore cause I don’t want any trouble.
Why do I feel tiny guilt if I didn’t do anything.

A quick context to this, I have two kids, boys aged 15 and 11, from a previous marriage. Both my partner and I are neurodiverse and she works in education.

I have my kids 50% of the time, some days of the week they are with me and then alternate weekends. Whenever my kids are here she is immediately different. Her mood is low, she is more on edge, and I get asked questions like "do you still like me" more and more.

It's honestly exhausting, and we've been together 2 and 1/2 years with a view to me proposing. I love this woman more than I have anyone else in my life other than my kids. I do find this bit very hard. I get along with both of her kids fine although they are older than mine.

As for child care and chores, I make sure my fair share is done. I do laundry. I make beds I cook. I wash up after cooking, and make sure the kids are ready for school, and other things like that. I work from home so it only makes sense

Even with all this, the presence of my children still causes undue stress to my partner and in turn it makes me feel very defensive and very stressed too. Can anyone else relate or offer a small piece for advice for me to reframe my own thinking?

TL:Dr need advice on my kids stressing out my partner

There is a guy in college class who has a girlfriend, but his behavior toward me is confusing. He keeps telling me not to get back together with my ex, and when I talk to my ex, he seems annoyed or angry.

The thing is, my ex is not a bad person, so I don’t understand why this guy cares so much. We are not dating, and he already has a girlfriend, so his reaction feels weird to me.

I don’t know if he is just being protective, jealous, controlling, or if he has another intention. I’m confused because it feels like he is acting like he has a say in my love life even though he shouldn’t.

TL;DR:

A guy in my class has a girlfriend, but he keeps telling me not to get back with my ex and gets mad when I talk to him. I don’t understand why he cares so much or what he is trying to do.

Saw my girlfriends X bookmarks and its full of porn i mean a ton pretty much everyday. But when i make sexual advances im always turned down. Last time we had sex was about a week ago and even then she said that it doesn’t feel “genuine” when she does anything intimate with me. No idea what i did she insists I did nothing wrong. i cook i clean i do nice things such as buy her flowers and take her out to places she hasnt been, not saying that that automatically warrants her to have sex with me i’m just stating that I haven’t done anything to make her not want to.

We’ve been together for over a year now. Pretty much dont know what to do or say I just feel really unwanted at the moment if i’m being completely honest. How should I approach this situation? TL;DR

I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (25M) for 1.5 years now. He is your typical “nice guy.” When I first met him, he was a completely different person; I thought I would never meet such a nice person in my entire life. He had good manners, was a little nerdy, funny, innocent-looking, and overall very understanding with great communication skills. I thought he would stay like this for the rest of our lives. He treated me like I was the most special person in the world. He used to compliment me often, encourage me, and adore me.

But as soon as we started dating, he began manipulating and gaslighting me very smoothly. It was so subtle that I couldn’t even recognize his tactics at first. Whenever we have some form of disagreement, he first gets angry at me, gives me the silent treatment, and then somehow tries to make everything my fault.

For example, once I uploaded a picture on Instagram and a lot of my male and female friends commented on it complimenting me (mind you, my account is private with only around 200 followers). My bitcha$$ boyfriend saw those comments, called me, and started acting like I had cheated on him or something. He asked me why my male friends were “flirting” with me. I was shocked and didn’t know what to say. When I told him they were my friends, that I knew them personally, and that they didn’t think about me that way, he started a smooth argument with me, saying he knows how “boys” think and that they were definitely trying to flirt with me.

When I got angry and told him there was nothing I could do about the situation and that he was behaving weirdly, he then told me it was only because he loved me so much and was serious about me. He said he was just afraid of losing me and that I should understand him.

This is just one example. Another time, he got angry because he wanted me to wear a specific color dress to a party. Even though I told him I couldn’t promise that and that I had a different dress I wanted to wear, when I arrived at the party wearing a different color, he gave me the silent treatment and later told me that I had betrayed him, even though I never promised him anything.

I am genuinely done with him and want to break up. But he is the typical “nice guy” in front of all our mutual friends (mostly his friends, but of course they know me too), and I desperately want some solid reason to break up with him. Otherwise, I know for sure his friends will harass me if I break up with him “without a reason,” because in general he is not a bad person. He is smart and kind.

So, WIBTA if I broke up with him?

TL;DR : i want to breakup with my "nice guy" boyfriend as he is not what I thought he was in the beginning.

I have been with my partner for 2 years. He shows up a lot with actions and acts of service. We live together and he cooks , cleans , and our partnership feels so equal. He also gives me a lot of quality time, we are always taking trips or going on dates. We have built a life together with our dogs and merged families and friends. The only issue is (and it feels huge to me) is our conversations feel dull and lack depth. He has never asked me about my childhood or life before him. We have never talked about my fears, my dreams, or passions. I try hard to start conversations with him that are not surface level but everytime I try he seems quiet or not interested. I have mentioned to him multiple times I wish we could have deeper conversations about life , and who we are in general and he always responds with “I don’t know what to ask” or “that isn’t how I was raised to have conversations.” 2 years in and I feel like I have major life events he has no idea about , positive and negative. I have tried to open up to him about my life and his dull responses makes me shut down because I feel like I’m talking to myself or the conversation isn’t wanted . I have brought up my need for deeper conversations multiple times and I feel like nothing comes of it. For Christmas he bought a question book for couples and I felt like it was his attempt to try but the book stayed on the shelf and hasn’t been touched unless I bring it out . Sometimes I worry he just wants a girlfriend for the benefits and not for the deep emotional connection. I am unsure what to do and I feel so guilty because he checks off all the marks outside of this . I feel like breaking up with a man who has never treated me poorly, never even insulted me once, and does all these actions would be insane . Is this something
Anyone has experienced and worked through?

TL;DR looking for recommendations for a deeper connection

When we started dating sex was fun and frequent, up to two times a day sometimes, although it was me who initiated most times they did too. I know this is typical honeymoon phase stuff. Then last fall or winter the sex dropped off drastically, we had evened out at around once a day / every other day, around then it dropped to once a week then two to three times a month. I am always the one who initiates.

Important to mention that they are on antidepressants which I am fully aware decreases your sex drive. They have been on SSRI's for our whole relationship, even on a higher dose when we started dating. This is a main reason for why I am even asking this question here at all. We have been dating for 3+ years now.

I feel disgusting and like I cant control myself because I always initiate, it feels like I'm pestering them. No major events happened around then, we had no fights and no things happening in our personal life, we didn't change appearances nothing really of note happened.

I have tried communicating with them about our intimacy, asking what they like and what I should do better, how I should "set the mood". I have made it clear that I would like to have more sex and that I feel disgusting for being the one that initiates every time; they said they are happy with how I initiate and that they didn't know what they wanted me to change, that I shouldn't feel bad. Personally, I think having more conversations about this would be akin to begging for more sex, because that is essentially what I am doing.

I have tried spicing things up and making intimacy more of an event; adding toys, bondage, changing positions, and we enjoy it when we do, but never stick with it. I do romantic stuff outside of when I want sex, like flowers, dinners, compliments etc. I try not to make sex a chore or something that I get for doing something nice. I tell them during sex and outside of it that I find them attractive.I tried doing this thing where I don't initiate sex to see if they would, they didn't. I broke on week three because I do still find them extremely attractive.

I have noticed recently that I'm glib or rude to them sometimes and I think its because this disappointment is bleeding out into my actions. This is most certainly a thing I must stop doing, but I don't mean it when it happens if that makes any sense.
I cant tell if its me who has a bad relationship to sex, sometimes it really feels like I cant control myself and all I can think about is that. To be clear I don't ever force them to do anything and no means no, I always make sure that they consent, but even when they say yes I feel like I pestered them into sex and they just said yes to get me off their back. This is another thing we talked about and they have made it clear that they are comfortable with saying no to me, its just an ick I have.

It feels super silly to be upset over this, especially when they have a very valid reason for a lower sex drive but I cant help it, its messing with my head. It feels weird to touch them on the thigh or be close to them, like they're more a friend than a partner and that I shouldn't think sexually about them. It feels like this part of our relationship is dying, and I value intimacy quite a lot.
Also I've been suspicious of them being unfaithful because of how suddenly sex went down, but that's just not a thing that would happen and I know that, Its just a thought that pops into my head more frequently than I would like.

Is there any angle of this that I missed, or anything else I can do? Maybe someone who has more experience with this side effect of SSRI's can come with some insights?

TL;DR Sex declined quickly with partner of 3+ years without any clear reason. I have tried doing the "normal things" to fix it, they haven't worked. What do?

tl;dr :
My (M23) girlfriend (F25),with whom I was in a relationship for two years (the second one long-distance), says she feels an emptiness, even though the relationship is going well, and she's convinced she needs to break up. She's never told me about this specific issue, or any other problems, and now it's too late. We are trying to meet in person and I would like to make her understand that now that I know about the problem we can work on it together.

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My (M23) girlfriend (F25) says she feels great with me, notices that I treat her well, and is attracted to me. But at the end of the day, she feels empty.

To add, we've been together for two years, and the last one was long-distance. We saw each other every couple of weeks, but lately I haven't been able to visit her, so she traveled to see me. We have plans to move in toghether in a couple years, when I finish my studies.

I think recently, after some of my shortcomings, that she hasn't told me about, she believes that her sensations is a problem and is considering ending the relationship without giving me the chance to discuss it, she convinced herself that this is the only thing possible.

I've read about people having this feeling after a first date, as if they're afraid of building something good and already knowing it will end. I think she's not thinking too much about this feeling and can't make sense of it, entering into a state of self-sabotage and thinking she's settled with being with me, but I find it strange, since, as I repeat, everything else is perfect.

I think her biggest mistake was not telling me about it, and mine wasn't realizing it in time. But I wanted to ask: is it normal to feel empty, even when you're with someone with whom you have a truly great connection? How much of an impact do you think these shortcomings might have had?

Due to work reasons, we won't be able to see each other for three months, and she wants to break up before leaving. I was hoping to understand something more about what might be causing this feeling, since she can't explain it well either, and I only have one chance to talk to her and see if we can fix it.

Do you have any experience on something similar that you can share? Could a no-contact period help her understand if she truly doesn't feel anything or if the emptiness increases without my presence? Would it be better to mantain the relationship and try to overcome this issue between us?

My girlfiend and I just broke up. We lived together for two years and things were great, we got on really well, were very close and I never had any doubts. But a year ago we tried living abroad (moving from Australia to Spain) to try something new and start a new life. Things went really badly (financial issus, visa problems, never really feeling settled) and three months ago we agreed she should move home because she was so burnt out, depressed and isolated being so far away from home. She also really struggled to find work as she didn't speak the language. I was planning to move back to join her in 6 months but wanted to stay in my job longer and save money and gain more experience before the move.

A month after returning home she immediately felt better, settled and less stressed. She found a job quickly and reconnected with friends. She admitted to me that she felt like she lost herself being with me abroad as she was really dependant on me, and that she was worried that it would happend again if I moved over. She said she still loved me and didn't want to be with anyone else but that she didn't have the energy to both rebuild herself and work on the relationship. We had a lot of difficult conversations that couldn't be resolved and I agreed to fly out to see her next month. Soon after she admitted she was really worried about it going badly and that she was worried it wouldn't feel right after a few days then I'd basically just be staying with her in a bad dynamic for two weeks, so she broke up with me.

We talked a few days later and I admitted I was still thinking of coming out as I have been excited to move there for months and feel like it would be something I still want to do. I would like to use the trip to check out the city and see if I could see myself living there. I'd also be lying if I said I wasn't hoping that seeing each other in person might mend things. She was understandably cold and said that if I come out it should be for me, that I couldn't stay with her but she'd also still see me for a day and maybe we could hash some things out.

That conversation was two weeks ago and the trip would be two weeks from now. I am really on the fence about going out. I am worried that it is way to soon and the breakup is too fresh for anything constructive to happen. But at the same time I would really like to have tried everything and am worried that if I don't go I will be closing the door forever and giving up. Another option is just to stick to my original plan and go out in 6 months, but by then I am worried it would be too late and she would have moved on.

tl;dr My long-distance partner broke up with me right before a planned trip to come see her that triggered a lot of stress after a bad year living abroad. I am still considering flying out to check out the city and if I do she agreed to see me. Do you think it would be an awful decision to fly out this soon after the breakup?