r/relationships

I (25M) have been dating my gf (24F) for almost 8 months. I love her very much and she loves me. We have really poured a lot into each other in this time. I think our relationship is in jeopardy and I need advice

A few months in, I confronted her after she exhibited some rude drunken behavior toward me. She apologized, owned up, and confessed to some ongoing issues with drinking. We set no clear goals but I forgave her and moved on.

She floated ideas like total sobriety, very light drinking, or just taking a break. Nothing with conviction. A few months later she confessed a nervous drink she had, I understood and forgave as well.

Despite having never set true clear terms, been an understanding between us that she was not drinking. The other night she texted me and asked how I’d feel if she had a cocktail with her friends at dinner. I said that sounded reasonable and thanked her for honesty. Then she confessed a handful of other occasions in which she had been drinking. It felt like by not having told me she was lying.

I told her I needed time to think before we spoke about this. That night she shared her location with me in the interest of reintroducing total transparency in the relationship. I couldn’t sleep all night and checked for the hell of it. She was at some bar, which i thought was fine. Until I asked her the next morning about her night- she did not mention it. Then she confessed she did molly.

I love her so much and I don’t believe her actions to be malicious but I just can’t seem to trust her anymore. Do I end things? I am open to continuing the relationship, how could I manage that or rebuild trust with her?

TLDR: her occasional secret drinking has degraded my trust in my gf despite my deep love for her. I am hurting and would love some advice from folks who have been in my position.

<3

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I'm 30M, and my girlfriend, 27F, has BPD and has struggled with maintaining stability in various areas of her life, so our 3-1/2-year relationship has been difficult at times. I have anxious attachment, low self-esteem and jealousy issues, and I'm working through these, but I can spiral badly when I feel threatened or insecure. Recently, she said that once things are better between us, she'd like to expand her social circle and make more friends, including men. I'm fine with friendships that develop organically through work or shared interests, but I feel uncomfortable with the idea of deliberately seeking male friends, even though I wouldn't feel the same way about her seeking female friends. I recognise that my insecurity may be influencing my reaction, but I'm struggling to understand whether my discomfort reflects a reasonable relationship boundary, anxious attachment, or something I need to work on. I've almost made up my mind to end the relationship, partly because I'm afraid my insecurities will continue to hurt us both, but I'm wondering whether I'm making the right decision or reacting out of fear.

TL;DR: My girlfriend has BPD, and I have anxious attachment and jealousy issues. I'm fine with her organically becoming friends with men, but uncomfortable with her actively seeking male friendships, despite being fine with her seeking female friends.

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I recently started dating a divorced man, and the more I learn about his previous marriage and his current relationship with his ex-wife, the more confused I become.

I’m genuinely curious whether other people would consider this a healthy, mature post-divorce friendship or whether there are some serious boundary issues here.

For context, they were married for approximately ten years and have no children together.

Here’s the backstory, as he’s explained it to me.

The marriage and divorce:

Toward the end of their marriage, his wife apparently proposed opening the relationship and becoming polyamorous.
He started going to therapy around the time she proposed this arrangement “to make himself okay with it.”
They ultimately divorced, and she ended up marrying someone who had previously been one of his best friends.
Yes, you read that correctly. His ex-wife is now married to his former best friend.
You would think that might create some distance between everyone involved, but apparently not.

The current arrangement:
Despite being divorced for approximately two years, they remain extraordinarily involved in each other’s lives:

● He has dinner with his ex-wife and her new husband every single Sunday.
● He regularly housesits for them.
● He continues to help his ex-wife with practical matters, including things involving her vehicle.
● He has told me that if his ex-wife called needing something while he was spending time with me, he would go help her.
● He remains closely connected to her family.
● He told me that her parents absolutely love him, while also making a rather contemptuous comment suggesting there was a reason her own family disliked her.
● He has shared surprisingly intimate details about his ex-wife’s body with me, which I found unnecessary and inappropriate.

He also invited me over to her house while he was housesitting, seemingly with the expectation that we could have sex there. I declined.

Here’s where I start getting uncomfortable.
I have absolutely no problem with people maintaining amicable relationships with former spouses. In fact, I generally consider it a green flag when someone can speak respectfully about an ex and end a relationship without unnecessary hostility.
But this seems like something beyond friendship.
He appears to have retained a substantial portion of the routines, obligations, and emotional availability associated with being married to her, despite the fact that she’s now married to someone else.

When I expressed discomfort about where a New Romantic partner would fit into this arrangement, I didn’t feel that he understood why I might have concerns.
It almost seemed as though the existing arrangement was nonnegotiable and anyone entering his life would simply have to accommodate it.

What do yall think?

TL;DR: I started dating a divorced man who has no children with his ex-wife but remains extremely involved in her life. He has weekly dinners with her and her new husband—who was formerly his best friend—housesits for them, helps her with errands, stays close to her family, and says he would prioritize her needs even while with me. He also shares intimate details about her and invited me to have sex in her house. I’m wondering whether this is a healthy friendship after divorce or a sign that he has never fully moved on and expects new partners to accept an already-established, possibly enmeshed relationship.

For the last 5 years, my GF of 8 years was unemployed for almost 4 years and it did beat me to wreck of a person.

We bought a house together before that, on the assumption that we will be both working adults and will both financially contribute to the cause, which would mean we could build, repair and upgrade and generally speaking will have blast of a life.

Unfortunately she lost her job at the beginning of 2022 and worked a year since that, not counting some short term attempts that always ended in failure.

I am covering all our mandatory expenses from my salary but it means I have to constantly restrict myself because I have barely any money left for myself. I have to budget and if I want something for myself, even if it is quite small and relatively cheap thing, I have to save for it.

My logic for money was always that the point is not to be cheap and frugal, the point is to earn enough to not having to. She knew it and still it looks like this. My hobbies are expensive. My truck is expensive (bear in mind this is EU and not US, so full size truck is REALLY expensive thing to run here) but by all logic and with my salary I should be able to afford them all easily. I cant. I have to prioritize, I have to sacrifice, I have to drive cheap car or take public transportation simply because it can happen that I have no money left for gas. All while my friends are having a good life and spending left and right and its driving me mad.

It's causing me financial problems, mental problems (I had a few mental collapses already and I am basically pissed off all the time, m hobbies slowly stopped being fun and so on), physical problems (insomnia) and I also got feedback from work that my performance is dropping.

Unfortunately she is a really nice girl and I still love her. She is trying to get a job and I dont believe she did this on purpose or that her actions are fueled by any bad intentions. But after 4 years I am simply broken and can't go on like this. But on the other side, I still goddamn love her and cant imagine being without her. I am jumping between resentment and love all the time. How to solve this goddamn lock?

TL:DR For the last 5 years, my GF of 8 years was unemployed for almost 4 years and it did beat me to wreck of a person. Now I feel like I have to break up but I still love her at the same time and its tearing me apart, how to proceed?

I (26F) have a close friend (25F) who got a little too infatuated with my bf (32M) this summer. She would ask about/talk about him with me all the time, only wanted to hang out gout with me if he would come, I had to ask her to stop talking about him, at on point she asked me if I thought home wrecking was an awful thing to do. One night she got wine drunk, demanded my "rich lawyer boyfriend" come pay for our group's dinner, and said she was in love with him- which was my breaking point. I love this woman she is truly one of my best friends, so I sat her down and confronted her about it in July. She was very apologetic and admitted she was feeling horrible in her own dating life, felt jealous I had bagged a great guy, said she started and SSRI and felt like she wasn't being herself at all, basically she had a lot going on at the time. She always kind been the "boy crazy" friend in our group and has admitted that she gets a little delusional when there's a man in her life. I ended up keeping her and my bf at separate events until she got over it, she got her meds adjusted, took a break from dating for a bit, and she's seeing someone else now. Things were awkward for a bit but went back to normal after a few weeks.

Well, over the weekend I was hanging out with my friends and she was talking about not feeling great with the current guy she's seeing. She said "I just get so delusional when I bring a man into my life. Like with the [boyfriend's name] thing, I was thinking "how far would I actually go with my friend's boyfriend?" which was crazy of me".

I get that she's acknowledging that her thinking was off, but when I initially confronted her she told me she loved our friendship and would never do anything to hurt me, our friendship, or my relationship. I believed her, and her comment is making me doubt that was true. Am I overreacting or was that genuinely a wild and concerning thing to say? How do I talk to her about this or do I just need to accept the end of our friendship??

tl;dr- one of my best friends was infatuated with my boyfriend, got over it, and now says she wondered how far she would have gone with him

So, l'm kinda just a mess right now, but I will keep this short. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 3 months. Our relationship is generally amazing ans we communicate about all of our problems effectively, and resolve them right when they pop up. It has mostly been very minor stuff up until now, like vou'd expect.

A few weeks ago though, while cuddling, I saw her getting a Snap from someone she has never told me about. Lets call him Ben. I asked who it is, and after a longer conversation she just told me a friend of hers in school added him because he seemed cool. We talked about my boundaries, and we agreed that she would un-add him and always tell the other person when we add someone from the opposite gender. That night, she texted me saying she deleted him. I took it at face value because i trusted her.

Fast forward two weeks later and while she sends a snap i catch a glimpse of Ben. At that point, I'm not sure if I iust misread so I think nothing of it. Another week later, we cuddle again and she falls asleep. And look,I definately want to respect her privacy, but the curiosity got the better of me and I looked through her snap, seeing she snapped with him for 17 days straight. There were no texts, but they easily just couldve expired. She only saved a few snaps from him, some with him on them. The guy was also muted, so she wouldn't get notifications from him.

On thing to note though is that she texts me like a LOT and also we see each other like 5 days a week, and also call when she has break from work and after work/ school. I also have her location at all times, and I know she wasn't anywhere else other than my house, hers and work/school. So she definately wasn't physically cheating on me.

Nevertheless I immediatley confronted her about it and she profusely apologized and wanted to cuddle and kiss. She immediately blocked him too. At first I stayed strong and didn't give in, telling her how i feel that my trust has been broken and she was lying to me. I asked her if she has snapped back, and she said no. When i told her she had a snapstreak, she started telling me it was just random pictures from out the car or from food. I told her to come clean with everything and then it finally seemed ike she told me the truth. She told me she wanted to make friends because she almost has none (but I don't like that its the opposite gender and that she kept it hidden). Throughout the next hour or so she manipulated me into cuddling her and kissing her again, which kinda felt gross. I wanted some time to think thinas through but didn't get that.

She then went through my phone a bit to ask me aboui my female friends, and told me (for one female friend of mine) that she think that people keep people added, to somedav cheat on their partner. And this, THIS broke me, because why would she say that? She did the same thing shes talking about but much much worse. So was she planning on cheating? I don't know. In the end I told her that everything is going to be fine and nothings gonna change between us, but that she got a first strike, and that there won't be a second

I just feel like I handled the situation poorly and should've let her feel the consequences more. Also, can I move on from this? She wasn't cheating or anything, just lying to me and now I feel like shit. I've told her she needs to regain/rebuild mv trust, but when she asked how, I ust told her to be fully transparent from now on and never lie again. Is there anything else she can do?

Thanks reddit in advance, sorry if this post is all over the place, my thoughts are too.

tl;dr: My girlfriend secretly snapped with another guy while lying to me. She told me she won't and did it anyway. How do I proceed in this relationship?

TLDR: partner is constantly sick and constantly clearing throat.

Like the post title says, and I feel mixed because to some extent I understand it's not his fault but he's sick atleast half the month every month. And when he's sick it's never anything major but seemingly a very mild cold or allergies. He'll be "sick" for a day or two, take time off work but mostly just so he can stay home, then he'll be recovered but will claim he has lingering gunk in his throat for weeks on end.

The thing is, it can be a bit much to deal with because he obsessively clears his throat, every 30 seconds atleast. For atleast half the month every month if not more.

It's becoming unbearable, TV time before bed is just him clearing his throat, he wants to snuggle up in bed, throat clearing until he falls asleep, dinner time? Throat clearing non stop.

I encourage him to shower before bed to help with allergies but he rarely does, I guess I just feel like he can/ should take more control in these situations or the very least manage the excessive throat clearing. I've talked to him about the throat clearing and he's extremely defensive of it and days he has to do it and it's not his fault. I'm not exaggerating it's a giant loud "grrrr" type throat clearing atleast twice a minute. There's no escape from it either, if I'm in the bedroom doing my own thing on my computer and he's in the kitchen or living room I can hear it non stop throughout the whole house. The only escape is noise cancelling headphones or physically leaving the house.

I'm absolutely losing my mind. I feel bad since I know folks can't control being sick or allergies ( besides maybe showering before bed so he's not sleeping in his allergens) but I'm also wondering if maybe the throat clearing is now developing into a tic? I also don't know if there is a way he can try to not be sick so much? I'm out and about way more than he is, take bus and train to work, around people at gym etc and I rarely get sick. I do a good job washing hands, hand sanitizer, healthy eating. He has a good diet, I'm not sure about hand washer and stuff at work but I also don't understand how he's constantly sick either but maybe he needs to get a doctor's opinion?

I think there might be a socialized aspect too, his family is very open about bodily functions with burps, farts, throat clearing etc which I understand are natural human functions but it's gotten so excessive its actually mind boggling. I can't imagine he does this at work when he does go to work so maybe it's on overdrive when he's home with the throat clearing. I don't even know what he's clearing he's just constantly doing it but not actually seeming to cough up or spit out anything.

Any thoughts?

My husband and I been together 3 years ( tl;dr ) and he told me early on into the relationship that sex with me was boring. I offered to explore his kinks. He said he enjoyed having someone to watch us as we engage in intercourse. I had never done it nor desired it but I was willing to try to save the dynamic of the relationship.

It was short lived- because as we were getting it on, he would message the girls during and send videos but would not involve me whatsoever. I did not know what he was texting or their responses. I eventually told him it made me uncomfortable so we stopped.

Well the desire for him came back up again with a co-worker. He ended up kissing her and groping her breasts, I had initially wanted to try it but once again felt uncomfortable. I told him I felt betrayed as the groping was done with me present but the kiss was behind my back.

He has tons of girls on his Snapchat still and is friends with multiple people he has had intercourse with on Facebook. He also would not stop being friends with the girl co-worker after I asked him multiple times. I gave up on it and thought I was being dramatic since I’m the one who said it was okay to try.

Now recently I’ve cheated. Admitted it and felt awful. I didn’t even like the guy. I wanted to break up with him then. I know I’m not in love with him anymore. But his reaction and threatening to destroy my things made me stay.

I looked through his phone again recently and just the other day he’s flirting and messaging this girl through discord and has led her on to believe we are in an open marriage and that we “share girls”. This is not true nor has it ever been. He then sent her a photo of me as well I guess to show me off? I was extremely uncomfortable, but have not confronted him about this yet.

I did something wrong so I feel as if I have no right. They didn’t actually send nudes and the conversation died after she admitted to having a husband as well. I just want to know if he would do something if given the opportunity or if he’s just flirting and trying to live out some fantasy?
I’m just lost right now. Any advice is greatly appreciated..thanks in advance. :,)

hi everybody. this is my first time using Reddit so please be nice. I’ve been dealing with a pretty scary situation for a couple years now and I haven’t told anyone in my life about whats been happening I’m just looking to see others opinions, advice, Experience etc. I honestly just need to get this off my chest

for context we’re both 19, I live with my boyfriend and his family, I do have a job and we’ve been together for about four years now. I also have a dog (which becomes important later on)

so my boyfriend has been very abusive to me in our relationship. it comes and goes and there’s times we are perfectly fine and happy but at other times there’s screaming fights, threat, name calling, hitting/punching me. he’s even strangled me and given me countless bruises and scratches. in addition he also threatens to surrender my dog to the shelter if I leave and also repeatedly told me to kill myself, he hates me and wants to kill me. I know….this is awful I’m aware how horrible that all is. I’m struggling a lot mentally with understanding this entire situation. It’s difficult for me to understand how we can he fine and then the next moment something sets him off (always something small and unexpected I’ve tried to talk him down, to be nice, yes I’ve even fought back and when i try to physically leave he either holds me back or blocks my exit)

I really hope someone understand what im feeling because im devastated. I don’t even have the desire to leave him normally it’s only when we have fights where that thought comes to my mind. It’s like these moments dont even happen because we totally ignore it and don’t talk about it at all. He’s even made jokes to me about beating me and I act like it’s funny. I don’t know why I do this and I feel ashamed that I play into it and a part of me feels like I deserve to be abused because Im not actively against it? And I am. I’m not really sure how to explain it its like there’s two versions of myself and one loves this man and would do anything for him and the other one knows he doesn’t feel the same and that I’m in a danger. I just don’t know what to believe or think anymore.

his family knows what’s been happening as well and no one has tried to help me which makes me feel more alone. my biggest concern is my dog. She’s my best friend and the one thing keeping me sane but I do worry about her safety. I’ve never told him I’m leaving him so I don’t know how he will react if I do that. He has told me multiple time he wants to kill me and the way he has looked at me when he said that makes me think he would. My too priority is keeping her safe. he’s shown me he can be impulsive when he’s angry and I would not want to endanger her. he knows she’s my best friend.

i would like to hear it what everyone thinks I just needed to speak about this since I’ve been hiding it from everyone in my life (not really sure why I’m just so embarrassed and feel ashamed) I know everyone says to just leave but it’s really not that simple I’m struggling mentally and financially I’m not in a place where I can safely leave yet. there’s a lot more that has happened and more I have to say but I don’t want to make this long. thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this and I’d appreciate any responses

TL:DR: my boyfriend is physically and emotional abusive to me. I’m trapped with no money to escape and I’m worried about my safety and my beloved dogs safety. Looking for advice/other people’s experiences

I [30F] have been with my bf 35M for 5 years. In a lot of ways he is the perfectan and I love him so much. I've been torn up inside for the last week or so and I don't know what to do. 

So one of his childhood friends got married over the weekend. I wasn't invited, no big deal really. But then I found out that his friends fiancé was invited. He didn't explicitly tell me this, it slipped out. I went quiet after that and then he kept mentioning how he was barely invited to the wedding (initially it was just the after party but then they changed it to the ceremony). 

This wouldn't have been such a big deal to me if it had been for events in the past, for one, his friends - who are more important to him than his family - have never really put in an effort with me. There was once incident when I was at his house and one of his frienda came over, she completely ignored me and walked right past and said hello to everyone. My bf gave her a glare and she made a slight nod in my direction, after which he promptly took me to his room. It was tense between us for a moment which was my confirmation that it wasn't just in my head. It was almost like he was waiting for me to say something and when I didn't he relaxed and went back to normal. 

Along with this, while I was at his house, I wasn't allowed in the living room while his friend/ housemate was there. It was made known that I should be confined to his bedroom space. This was never explicitly mentioned but was always implied. This came to a head when we had the house to ourselves over Christmas break while his flatmate was away for the holidays, as my bf sleeps in late and I'm an early bird, I was getting up hours earlier and instead of laying in bed and brain rotting and disturbing my bf sleeping, I would go upstairs to get my day started. The day his flatmate got home, and I was in the living room, housemate walks in and says hi, next thing my bf has woken up and has come to get me and take me back to his room. We had been together for 3 years at this point. 

We had a fight about it where my bf sheepishly explain their was an unsaid rule that there was an understanding that there wouldn't be a girl in the communal space while the other was home. 

I can say with great confidence that there is absolutely no way his flatmate ever made whatever girl he was dating at the time feel like this. 

Along with this, it was little things like not wanting to share his nowtv login, which he didn't want to give to me because he'd given to his flatmate. He did eventually give it to me when we moved in together but again, it's not like we were a new relationship at the time, it has been years. And I'd be hard pressed to imagine his friends would be so considerate as to pander to my bf over their significant others. 

The only reason we live together is because his flatmate wanted to move in with his gf and so that kind of forced my bf to broach the topic with me. Not out of some strong desire to live with me. 

Which brings me back to the whole wedding thing, again, I wouldn't have minded, but the fiance who was invited while I was not, they've been together for about 2 years and the bf and I have been together for 5. 

It brought back all these feelings I realised I buried but had resolved. The fact that he goes out of his way to keep them away from me, if he gets an invite for anything, a party, a get together etc, it's never extended to me. 

And it's so humiliating. Having my friend ask me why non of my bfs friends attend any party that we host. Last weekend everyone wondering why I was in London while he was at the wedding (without the added context that a more recent partner had been invited). And it's not even that, it's that he wasn't even upset, it was just an oh well situation. Like he wouldn't have dared to question it. 

The saddest thing, this friend who's fiance was invited, on the stag do he tried to skimp out on the accommodation to save money which would have fucked over everyone else going. He's considerably more comfortable then most of the guys who went. While to mellow things out, my bf offered to cover his portion if he really kicked up a fuss about it. 

When I wasn't allowed to be in the living room while his flatmate was home, my bf was covering a portion of his rent because he couldn't afford the full rent anymore, and he was more concerned about feeling like he was flexing the situation by letting me stay in the living room. 

There's also a ethnic difference between us. All his friends are white, my bf is half but culturally as white as it gets. I'm not and it's not something I shy away from either. I had reduced this to a cultural disconnect if it wasn't for my none white friend dating a white guy who is also as Caucasian as it comes, along with all his friends, she told me he involves her in every event he's invited to and his friends are lovely to her and made a good effort to get to know her. He also seems like the kind of man who puts his woman before everyone. Unlike mine who just likes to cos play as that but when push comes to shove I'm always the second priority. 

It's been a few days now, and I don't have it in me to talk about it to him. I've never been able to speak about my feelings that well (thanks for the dysfunctional upbringing mum and dad). He can tell something is up and it's affecting him a lot and seeing him that way is breaking my heart. 

I guess I just needed an outside perspective, because all my friends are saying major red flags but we're all none white so hospitality is a huge thing in our cultures. 

Tl;Dr: bf has isolated me from his life for years, am I making this a bigger deal than it is

Me (27F) and my boyfriend (27M) have started living together we have been together 2 years and we've both agreed that we don't want a shared bank account yet. How do you guys handle splitting expenses like groceries, eating out, trips, and household stuff? We're thinking about doing everything 50/50, taking turns paying, or splitting certain expenses. I also make more than my bf, so we're trying to figure out what would be the fairest way to handle things. How do you guys keep track of who has paid for what?

tldr: what is the best way to split/manage expenses for a couple excluding a making a joint account.

Tl;dr : I am no longer into my bf because I’m not sexually attracted to him despite him being the perfect man in every other way.

I have been dating my bf since high school, he is by all definition of the word the perfect man, he is kind, caring, funny, understanding, smart, motivated, loyal, respectful, and everything I could ever ask for in a partner besides one thing. I am just not very attracted to him.

Even writing this out makes me feel like an asshole but I really need advice, My bf is my best friend, we have literally grown up together and I know if we stayed together we would have a great and full life. I just can’t find an attraction for him anymore, and this is not a recent thing, I have been very aware of my lack of sexual interest in him for the past year, I assumed it would go away and was a temporary thing. It has not.

He has never been my type truthfully but I’ve always found him cute and that was fine by me, when we got together at 17 I didn’t really imagine we would still be together 3 years later because we were just so young. Despite that here we are, I have tried to get him to workout with me, to care about the kind of clothes he wears but he just has other interests. He is not fat in any way he is also not ugly, he is just as I said not my type.

I have tried everything I can to respectfully push him into a healthier lifestyle and to care about his appearance but I no longer think this is possible. Truthfully I fear our breakup would send him on a fitness arc that would make him care about his body, I just wish he could do this while we are together you know?

I am afraid I am robbing him of the ability to be with someone who is truly into him, at the same time I genuinely don’t want to end our relationship, I love him deeply and don’t want a life without him but I also don’t want to envision a life that I am never truly attracted to the person I am with.

I am also serious about us having an amazing relationship, we still have a healthy and active sex life though I just hide my lack of enjoyment as to not hurt him. We still do everything any normal couple would do. I know if I broke up with him I would genuinely miss him every single day so I am just not sure what to do anymore.

I have always known I am seen objectively as more attractive than him as people have always made comments about it or are surprised we are together. People tend to assume that his girlfriend would be ugly and have rudely announced this. I don’t really care what other people think about us in that regard before all that mattered to me is that I liked him, but now it just feels like people point out the obvious to be hateful, I really don’t want him to feel not good enough or undesirable. I just want us to both be happy!

I know I would be able to be attracted to him if he invested in clothes that fit well, new hairstyles or started going to the gym. I have always been image conscious and spend a lot of time working on my appearance, fitness, and clothing everyday. I wish he would do the same but that’s also asking him to be someone he’s not and that’s just wrong of me.

I really just need some advice from anyone, especially older people here who have been through something like this before. I am open to any comments please just be kind as having to write this was already a sucky experience.

My boyfriend thinks it’s fine for me to sleep with other people, am I wrong for being bothered by this? He is not sleeping with anyone else himself.

My boyfriend has told me that he thinks it’s fine for me to sleep with other people despite us having a monogamous relationship. He doesn’t seem particularly bothered by the idea, seems to encourage this, and in fact almost seems to enjoy talking about it or thinking about it.

I personally view relationships very differently. To me, being in a committed relationship generally means that you’re sexually exclusive unless both people explicitly agree otherwise.

I’m not saying that everyone has to be monogamous. I understand that consensually open relationships exist and that they can work for some couples but that's not my value system.

I’m trying to understand what his attitude actually means. Is this just a different view of relationships, or is it something I should be taking more seriously as a compatibility issue?

I am f 30s white and my bf is male 20s Indian

TL;DR BF wants me to sleep with other people yet is monogamous

TL;DR: Hey girly message from an ex

He had told me that he had been in no-contact with his ex (20F) of 3 years, broke up in May, and that he was sure he wanted to be with me and just didn’t want to rush into things with me.

Today, I received a message from an unknown iCloud mail, asking if I was open to speak and that she had something she thought I might’ve wanted to know about the guy I’m seeing. She was very kind, and even wrote in the message that if I didn’t want to hear any of it that would be okay as well. She asks to call, and confirms that she is THE ex, that he has been talking about. She told me that they infact weren’t in no-contact, atleast not for the timeline that he stated to me. He had told me that they were in no-contact, and he had blocked her everywhere, which she stated was not true as they spoke together last today. She said that she was the one who actually ended up blocking him as soon as she found out I was in the picture, because she finds it wrong in any situation to be in contact with an ex while seeing someone new.

She told me things he had told her, which was the polar opposite of what he had told me. He had told her before she blocked him that he was unsure of what he wanted with me, and what was really going on between me and him, but that yes there was something. That was when she blocked him, and was in zero contact until today (that was friday last week and now it’s wednesday). Some irrelevant drama happened today in regards junkie related things, not gonna say everything here but someone tried to expose him as a “pedo” for seeing me, even though I just turned 18. He was begging her to not believe anything that was said, saying he still loved her and that she needed to help him get out of this etc. They then called for an hour, and she told him about her seeing some new guy, and apparently he had said to her if he sees them in public he will gather his boys and beat him up (she had video recording proof of all that was said). It felt crazy hearing his own voice say these things.

She also opened up about them actively hooking up from their breakup until just a few weeks ago, when he just started seeing me. She told me about him cheating on her multiple times, and told me to watch his behaviour and not to trust what he says, which I quickly understood when she came with real proof that contradicts everything he told me ever. He had always been quite guarded with his phone.

She was very adamant that she was absolutely not doing this with ill intent, and absolutely did not want him back, but had a bad gut feeling since I was still so young and not even finished high school while he is working full time on weekly rotating shifts. She made sure that it be known that she doesn’t want to ruin anything, but wanted me to know because once upon a time she was in my position but no one had warned her, and it became hard to leave when they had been together for a long time. She gave me her social media, and told me that if there was anything that I ever wondered about, that I can ask her and not be ashamed. She had a lot of proof that what she was saying was truthful, and I could hear on the phone that she was very nervous and hesitant about even getting involved, but she stated had she just kept quiet she would explode of guilt for not saying anything. She wanted me to keep quiet about her contacting me to him as well…

Im 36M, my wife is 35F. We have been married for 5 years and never had an issue of this magnitude.

She found out that I have been watching pornography for the last 5 months, and now things are going downhill quickly.

We sat to talk and was as transparent as I could. But that was not enough, she feel betrayed, said that can't trust me anymore and now we're sleeping on separated bedrooms.

Has any women experienced this as the victim? If so, would you mind sharing your thoughts from that side.

I'm trying to understand what can I do to make amendments. I love my wife with my life but I let me intrusive thoughts beat me. I'm looking forward to start therapy sessions by myself but that doesn't face my wife at all, she's quite disappointed. I'll do it for myself anyway, my mind has been going to some dark places and I know I need help.

TL:DR, anyway, I'm looking forward to understand the situation from another perspective and see what options I might pursue. The last thing I want is a divorce because of this.

My boyfriend [30M]and I [28F] have been together for 3 years. We love each other very much. Over the past year, my boyfriend has really been struggling with a lack of purpose and direction regarding what he should be doing with his life. His career goals haven’t worked out, we live very far away from his family (who are important to him), and his own health is not good as he was recently diagnosed with a lifelong condition that impacts his quality of life. Also, our relationship has struggled over the past year and a bit due to issues around physical intimacy and vulnerability. Understandably, he has been very depressed with the weight of everything and swings between states of things being fine to things being terrible and having a life crisis. I do not judge him for any of this, but it seems that all he wants from me is to be left alone. I am really struggling with what to do. I love this person and want to respect his need for distance, but leaving him alone for days on end and barely talking when we live together brings me so much stress and anxiety and feels threatening to our already fragile relationship. It has been like this for over a year. Attempts to talk about everything just seem to alienate him further. We both go to individual counselling. Any outside perspectives on what I should do here would be helpful. I am not leaving him so only genuinely helpful comments, please. How do I support him while getting what I need?

TL;DR: My boyfriend of 3 years is struggling with severe depression following career setbacks, geographical isolation from family, struggles in our relationship, and a new chronic health diagnosis. He wants to be left alone, but his withdrawal and silence trigger intense anxiety for me and feel threatening to our already fragile relationship. I want to respect his need for space, but I don't know how to handle my own anxiety or fix our communication. I want to support him while getting what I need.

Edit: for additional context, we haven’t slept together for 8 months. My boyfriend just doesn’t want to ever. He told me that he always loses interest in sex once relationships become serious and he doesn’t know why. Most of our relationship issues stem from this and me just feeling completely unwanted and unattractive to my boyfriend. Not sure if this context is helpful but it does add an additional layer to what is going on.

This has been a very difficult month. I (24) have an amazing boyfriend (23) and things are great. He’s a super loving guy, and we’ve been together for 5 years (met in HS!) but I have this very deep and terrible feeling that we are gonna grow apart..

i’m gonna be graduating soon, and my goal is to move out of state. I’m tired of living in my hometown. I really want to explore what’s out there, even if I fail. I’m the type of person that would rather try and fail, than not try at all. Im a go getter. If there’s a goal in mind, I push myself towards it even if it’s uncomfortable.

my boyfriend is the opposite, he’s the kind of guy that’s very passive. And it feels like since Covid he’s kind of just been “stuck“. He’s not really ambitious, and I think he’s OK with the way life is for him (even though he’s very miserable most of the time. I think he may be depressed, but I haven’t been able to get him to a therapist.). He lives with his parents and has a good job. (not a career, just a job)

he’s definitely someone I would settle down with and marry/have kid with if I was ready for that… But I don’t think I am. I feel like marriage means I’m gonna have to stay put. I don’t wanna stay put. But I don’t know if he’s ambitious enough to follow me. And I don’t wanna pull him away from his comfort. But i don’t wanna resent him by staying in my hometown and never really doing anything with my life.

I just feel like there’s this really scary turning point that’s just around the corner and I’m not sure how to address this. I love him so much and he’s my best friend. I just don’t know what to do

TL;DR 

boyfriend and I may grow apart because of differences, but I don’t break up with him because he’s a really great Guy. But I also don’t wanna put my own needs/dreams/wants aside For his own comfort/ refusal to grow/change. What should I do?