r/relationships

honestly I am just running on pure resentment and zero sleep at this point

My boyfriend finally admitted he has a drinking problem, which is great, but somehow the entire burden of navigating the absolute nightmare that is the US healthcare system fell entirely onto me. He just goes to work and acts like it'll all magically arrange itself

I spent literally 5 hours yesterday fighting with automated insurance phone menus and getting disconnected. the medical bureaucracy here is so convoluted it feels intentionally designed to make you give up. I was up until 3am just staring at the outpatient schedule for rolling hills recovery center chester NJ trying to figure out if it's even physically possible for someone to do an IOP while holding down a rigid 9-to-5 job without our whole life collapsing

I love him, but I am so incredibly tired of being the logistics coordinator for his life crises while he avoids the hard administrative work. How do you stop resenting your partner when you are forced into this weird caregiver/social worker role?

TL;DR: BF (33M) of 4 years needs rehab, but left all the grueling insurance and healthcare logistics to me (31F). I feel like his mom and I'm super resentful

After every social event, my partner will pull me aside and list out how I’ve acted incorrectly. He will tell me situations when I’ve been rude, and how I have acted inappropriately towards friends or family.

He does this because he wants me to improve, but it’s causing me to spiral and isolate myself. I now no longer want to go to social events. I’ve asked him to stop commenting but he still will occasionally mention things.

When I do have to socialise, I tend to no longer speak. Friends asked what was wrong, and have started commenting that I seem miserable.

All of my friends absolutely adore my partner who is loud, energetic and the life of the party.

Before I met my partner, I had a set of friends, and no one really ever seemed offended by me? But maybe I was oblivious?

I don’t really know how to navigate this and am struggling to figure out how to live my life going forwards.

I don’t know how to improve when I have never registered my behaviour as wrong and struggle to comprehend what he tells me? All I can think to do is not talk anymore.

TLDR; partner thinks I act inappropriately, I’ve started isolating myself as I’m horrified I might’ve been offending people without realising. Don’t know how to change.

My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time last week. It was relatively painless (which I was quite shocked by) other than a tiny bit of discomfort. We have done it again twice since, but each time it is somewhat painful for me (very mild) and I can't really feel it??

It's so weird to describe, I can't feel him inside of me but not a lot and it doesn't really feel good, it kind of feels like a tampon.

Is there a different position that may be better or something?? I'm in no rush because I have a whole life time to figure this out, but I would like to figure out a way for it to be more enjoyable. Help me out!!

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TLDR: Had sex for the first time recently and am struggling since. I can't feel much and I wish I could!! Help me out here

My bf and I have been dating for 5 years. When we first started dating, I realized by bf would go to the bathroom minutes after eating and would always spend 20+ minutes in the bathroom.

I would casually mention that sitting on the toilet that long isn’t good for your health but he would always brush me off.

Once we moved in together 2 years ago and got more confortable, I noticed even more about his bathroom habits.

He would sometimes come into the bathroom while I was showering to use the restroom. I told him that it didn’t sound normal. I said it sounded like he was having stomach issues and asked if he ate anything wrong. He always tells me it’s normal and that’s how it always comes out when he uses the restroom.

That’s when the pieces started falling into place. I asked him if he ever thought he was lactose intolerant tolerant. He denied it adamantly and got kinda defensive so I dropped it.

I was curious and decided to buy fairlife milk for him one day. My bf loves drinking chocolate milk.

My bf and I had a movie night when he first tried the lactose free milk. And it was the first time he didn’t have to leave for a bathroom break during the movie.

I gently tried suggesting again that he might be lactose intolerant and he got defensive again so I dropped it.

For both our sake’s once we moved, we decided to get a place where we each have our own bathrooms.

It’s helped with the smells but it can be kinda annoying sometimes when we go out with friends and he disappears to the bathroom for a long time once we’re done eating.

I just don’t understand why he’s so against the idea of being lactose intolerant. He’s very gassy and gets a lot of acne after eating dairy but refuses to see the connection.

I had him out of the bedroom last night after we had some ice cream from a local dairy farm cuz the smells were too foul and I couldn’t fall asleep.

Is it worth convincing him to try lactaid? Are there better ways to talk to him about it?

Tl;dr my bf blows up the toilet after eating dairy and gets annoyed when I suggest he might be lactose intolerant.

**TL;DR;

Recently, I started noticing the way my boyfriend would hold his phone around me. Eventually, though, I became genuinely suspicious because the way he was holding his phone seemed deliberate. It no longer felt like he was joking. I really don't know what his intention would be, either. The recordings aren't sexual or anything that I could imagine being used for blackmail, which makes the whole thing even more confusing.

The way I actually found out was incredibly strange. One day, he took out his phone and randomly started showing me some of the recordings. From what I could see, he had apparently recorded several of his friends as well.

One of the recordings was of one of his friends talking about something bad that another friend had apparently done at university. That made me wonder whether secretly recording people is something he does regularly, rather than something specifically directed at me although in one of the recordings we are arguing badly which was from 2 years ago. (I knew this recording had taken place)

I still don't really understand why he would be doing it, though, especially when he had previously acted like I was imagining things whenever I brought it up.

Why would someone record people?

​

We have been together for 3 years and it's only been these past few months that I noticed the decrease in frequency of our 'intimacy'.

She doesn't initiate things with me anymore, and I have brought this up many times - she tells me it's only because she doesn't want to tire me out after work. A reason I don't really get because we don't do it when I'm off work either. I keep thinking that it might be because she's not attracted to me anymore, I told her about it and she said it wasn't the case. Still, I can't help but feel worried.

When I try to initiate, she turns me down. In the recent weeks, I stopped trying altogether - I don't want her to feel that intercourse is all I'm in for in this relationship. I'm just anxious about the whole thing. Is this just a phase in a long term relationship?

TL;DR; gf and I are no longer intimate with each other.

[removed]

Hi everyone, I’m a 25F Hindu and my boyfriend is 25M Christian. We’ve been together for 5 years and recently started discussing marriage — not immediately, but maybe in 4–5 years. Both our families live in Dubai. I stay with my parents, and he stays with his mom, aunt, uncle, and cousins (a joint family setup).

He’s an only child and very close to his mom, who’s a single parent. After marriage, he wants his mom to live with us in Dubai. She’s healthy and independent, but he feels she’ll need emotional support and shouldn’t be alone when we move out into our own place.

I love him deeply — he’s honestly the best person I’ve met and we’re very compatible. But I had a difficult childhood and value personal space and independence. The idea of living with his mom after marriage makes me anxious because I’m worried it could affect our privacy and relationship dynamics.

I don’t want to sound selfish or inconsiderate — I just want to find a balance between supporting his mom and having space for our own relationship. How do couples handle this kind of difference before marriage?

TL;DR: My boyfriend (25M) wants his mom to live with us after marriage, but I (25F) want space and privacy for just us as a couple. How do we navigate this without hurting each other?

Okay, so I (29/F) have a live-in partner of 8 years (29/M). We are not married, but we have 2 kids together.

I am his first and only sexual partner. He has never been with anyone else before me. I, on the other hand, had more experiences before we met and got to enjoy some of my younger years doing what I wanted.

When we met, he got me pregnant on our first meeting, and since then we have been together and completely monogamous. He became committed, responsible, and focused on building our family.

I have a question because I’m really confused about how I should feel.

Whenever my partner drinks or even just has a little alcohol, he sometimes brings up fantasies about wanting to try a thr*some or roleplay, like pretending he is with other women or things like that. I usually go along with it because, honestly, I sometimes feel like I took away his chance to experience those things. He never got to have the dating, flirting, or seual experiences that many people have when they are younger because he became committed to me and our family.

For the record, he is a great provider and has always been faithful throughout our 8 years together.

Because of that, I sometimes feel guilty, so I let him enjoy those fantasies during s*x. I thought there was nothing wrong with it because, in reality, he has never cheated on me. These fantasies just come and go, and we have always been open about talking about them.

Whenever he asks me if I’m okay with it or if I would ever want to experience something like that, I tell him that it’s okay as long as he tells me beforehand and asks for my permission before anything actually happens.

When I say those things, part of me thinks I’m okay with it because I feel like I was the reason he missed out on certain experiences because he became committed so young. But another part of me wonders if I’m only agreeing because I feel guilty.

Recently, he asked me if it would be okay if he met up with his ex-girlfriend just to talk and bond. He said he thinks it would be fun and even invited me and the kids so I could meet her and maybe we could become friends.

I actually already became friends with his ex on social media. Nothing serious, just normal greetings like happy birthday or happy holidays. I actually like her as a person.

Sometimes when I entertain his fantasies, I even find myself enjoying it a little, but I honestly don’t know if I truly like it or if I only think I like it because of my guilt.

So when he asked about meeting his ex, I told him it was okay if he went alone. I felt awkward about going with the kids. He said it would be overnight, so naturally my mind went to the possibility of something se*ual happening between them.

I told him that if anything happens between them, they should be safe, use protection, and that I want him to tell me if something happens.

Now I’m realizing that this sounds like I’m allowing an open relationship, and I’m having a full-blown emotional rollercoaster because the day is getting closer.

Part of me thinks, at least he is asking for my permission and not hiding it from me. Maybe this is better than him cheating behind my back. If I say no, a part of me worries, “What if he does it anyway and I never know?” Would it be better this way because at least it’s honest?

But another part of me is scared that I’m only agreeing because I feel guilty that he never got to experience anything before me. But how will I know if I do like that kind of thing if we haven't try them yet?

I would really appreciate some outside perspective.

TL;DR: I encouraged my partner’s fantasies because I felt guilty that he never experienced anyone else before me. Now he wants to meet his ex, and I’m having doubts about whether I truly consent to this or if I’m just trying to be a good partner and also wants to try it.

We started dating back in April/May but have been together officially since mid July. He already told me he loves me and I said it back.

But I am finding it hard- he wants me to tell him things and what he should be doing in a relationship as he doesn’t know. He even apologised to me and said he doesn’t want me to miss out on things because he doesn’t know what he should be doing. ☹️

I don’t like the idea of telling him what to do or how to act as every relationship is different and there’s no right or wrong way to do it

He has gone away to work this week with his dad. I saw him Sunday evening but he went home to sleep and left for work Monday morning and will come back late Friday night. This is the longest we have gone without seeing each other since we started dating i know its not long (I have done long distance UK-AUS in previous relationship) so the time/distance doesn’t bother me but he hasn’t called me once? And he’s into phone-calls, he always rings me and doesn’t like to text.

He is staying with his dad in a room and they work together so I get that he hasn’t got much time alone to talk but this doesn’t usually bother him? He has answered the phone whilst we have been intimate before and when we have been out on dates ate restaurants?

He has been quite open with me before about him struggling to pick up on social cues and signals. He says he’s never been tested for anything but it’s likely that he is neurodivergent.

I once got upset because he was never very affectionate with me outside of being intimate. I tried to hold his hand and he just said no he doesn’t do that and since then he is more affectionate with me. I don’t think I’m over the top asking for too much but I just want some basic affection consistently not PDA. It was like everytime we saw eachother and said hello I wouldn’t even get a hug? Nevermind a kiss 🤣 now i do get a hug which is 100% fine with me.

TLDR : NEWLY DATING MAN WHO HAS NEVER HAD GF / POSSIBLY NEURODIVERGENT- want advice from others who have been in similar situations

I don’t necessarily want to end it but am I going mad given we haven’t been together that long? Does anyone have any experience being someone’s first gf and how it went? Or dating someone likely to be neurodivergent?

I’m not sure if he just doesn’t really like me because I think these things come naturally when you love someone? Help 😭

Okay so I (23F) and my boyfriend (23M) have been together for 6 years. We don't live together since we were both in college but we're planning to move together next month. We see eachother only on weekends at his mom's house, we still have a lot of privacy there tho.

We used to have sex a lot (it calmed down a bit as the relationship went on but we were still doing it regularly) however now we barely do it once a month.

I have a pretty high sex drive and this has taken a toll on my confidence and self love, I'm not even initiating anymore because it makes me feel extremly embarassed to be rejected so much. I've talked to him about it multiple times (which is hard because I don't want to make him feel guilty, embarassed or even worse pressured) yet he said he doesn't know why he's like this, I've asked him multiple times if it was something I did or the way I looked but he keeps saying it's not my fault.

I've gained a bit of weight during my relationship (I suffered from anorexia when we first met) and I keep wondering if maybe that's the reason ? He tells me it's not and that I look more attractive like this but i can't shake the idea off. I take care of myself, wear cute clothes and sleepwear around him, we go out, I'm always organizing stuff to do together and our relationship is perfect apart from this aspect.

Before we had moments where we stopped having sex because he was under stress and wasn't feeling well but currently he's saying he feels great not stressed or sad and it's been going on for a while.

I've always struggled with self love and it had gotten better before all of this, i keep thinking it's because i'm not good enough but i'm always receiving attention from other guys. Sometimes it feels like i'm attractive to everyone except him.

I feel like he sees me as beautiful but not as sexy which is probably a curse since it was always the other way around in my past relationships. He doesn't even initiate that much other types of physical intimacy aside from kisses on the forehead or holding hands (which is cute but come on).

We had two incidents which made me feel really bad, one time i opened his laptop and found porn when it had been more than a month since we had done anything together (i broke down crying which was really embarrassing) and not too long ago, after a month without doing anything he initiated but stopped while we were making out because he was not feeling it anymore. Which of course is more than okay, anyone can revoke their consent whenever and i would never blame him for it but considering everything it made me so sad and self concious that even in this situation i couldn't keep his interest. At this point it feels like we're only having sex when he needs to shoot his load somewhere and i have to constantly ignore my own desires.

I don't want to talk to him about it AGAIN because i feel like it will put pressure on him and make the situation even worse but i feel so bad about it and it's very hard to hide since we tell eachother everything and i'm big on communication. I read stories similar to mine on reddit and it made me feel even worse because the answer were either that he was cheating or that we should break up. I don't want to break up with him, he's the love of my life and as i said before our relationship is perfect apart from that, and i trust him too much to suspect him of cheating. However i can't stay in this situation, we're still young and i can't even imagine how it will be when we're older, my worst nightmare is to be that couple who only has sex once a year on valentine's day.

I'm taking all of your advice at this point i don't know what to do anymore, I don't even have any friends to talk to about this since they all know him and that would be the worst invasion of privacy ever.

**TL;DR; : Boyfriend of seven years isn't intimate anymore, what could be the issue ?**.

Betty is a 3-year-old beagle mix and she has absolutely no idea what’s going on. We got her together two years ago. Split vet visits, shared her training, used the same dog app, he’d log her sessions, I’d track appointments and her meds schedule through the family sharing. She wasn’t his dog that I helped with or my dog that he tolerated. She was genuinely ours.

Now we’re done. And every single time I try to bring up how we can share her, it turns into the worst fight we’ve had. He wants Betty. I want Betty. We’re both serious, we both have a point, and somehow that makes it harder than if one of us just didn’t care. Who takes her to the vet? Who’s responsible when she’s sick at 2am? Who keeps track of what she eats? I don’t even know who’s going to pay for a Woofz subscription after this…
I’ve read about dog custody agreements and co-parenting a dog after a breakup but nothing actually explains what it looks like day to day when you’re not on speaking terms. For people who’ve split a dog between two homes, does it work long-term? Does the dog adjust or does the back-and-forth mess with them? And how do you even get through the logistics conversations without them turning into a fight about everything else? We agree on basically nothing right now except that we both love her.

TL;DR: breaking up, both want the dog, and can’t agree on custody. We are asking if sharing a dog between two homes actually works.

My wife and I have known each-other for about 7 years, and we've been married for 3.

Our sex life is fine on paper; we usually have sex multiple times per week, but I don't think she's ever orgasmed.

She insists that she enjoys sex, but I've asked her about if she's ever experienced an orgasm, and she doesn't think she's experienced a stage of sex that she can point to and say "yes, that's the orgasm."

I understand that I'm supposed to stimulate the clitoris, and maybe perform oral, but she usually doesn't want those things. What we do usually consists of PiV, kissing, and massages to the shoulders or back.

If I ever suggest oral, she says no, often telling me that she hasn't washed it well enough. She usually doesn't like it very much when I use my fingers.

What should I do? Should I just give up on it and stop worrying about whether or not she's climaxed?

---

TL; DR? Here's a Summary:

My wife's never climaxed, and I'm not sure if she wants to. What should I do?

I used to be the classic “nice guy.” Always put my partner’s needs first, always tried to keep the peace, always thought about her feelings before my own. I thought that was how you build a good relationship.

Instead, I ended up completely controlled and isolated. No real friends left, no social life, constantly walking on eggshells. Now I’m almost 40 and it feels like half my life has been wasted.

I’m finally ready to leave this marriage for good. I already left once for a month and it was the most peaceful I’ve felt in years. But the fear is still strong. Fear of being alone. Fear that at this age there’s no real chance of dating again. Fear that the only options left are “get controlled by someone else” or “live alone for the rest of my life.”

I keep asking myself: Why did this start with me? Why do I always end up suffering? Was being nice actually the problem?

I’m not looking for pity. I just want honest thoughts from people who’ve been through something similar.

Did any of you leave a controlling relationship later in life?

Did you manage to rebuild a social life and dating life after 35–40?

Or is this just how it is for guys who were too soft for too long?

Be real with me. I need perspective more than comfort right now.

TL DR

My boyfriend and I recently had a pretty major disagreement and I’m looking for outside perspective because I can’t tell if I’m being overly sensitive or if this would seriously affect other people too.

My boyfriend is extremely into fitness and has always been very open about his physical preferences. He’s said things like the average, non-gym rat female body is unattractive to the point of disgusting to him, that he’s only attracted to fit women with visible muscle definition, and that a woman’s legs/ass are probably the most physically attractive thing to him. He has also told me that when we first met, he wasn’t initially very physically attracted to me, but saw that as a “good thing” because it made him focus on my personality and mind.

I’m not overweight or completely inactive, but I definitely don’t have the muscular/toned physique he considers ideal.

A few days ago we were getting into a hot tub and he made a comment about how I should do squats because my ass isn’t attractive. The conversation continued and he eventually told me that he doesn’t like having sex with me doggy style because looking at my ass from behind can make him lose his erection.

That absolutely crushed me.

When I told him how hurtful it was, his initial response was basically that he was “being honest so I could improve.” When I said that wasn’t helpful honesty, he responded along the lines of, “well you’ve asked why we only have sex in missionary, so I’m telling you.”

What complicates this is that we had previously talked about fitness/improvement. I specifically told him that if he saw something I could improve and approached me with a solution and support, I’d be receptive. He now points to that conversation and says I told him I wanted this kind of honesty. My problem is that I don’t think his comment is remotely the supportive approach I agreed to.

He has since tried to reassure me. He says he thinks I’m stunningly beautiful, that he absolutely is sexually attracted to me, loves me, chose me, wants me, and wouldn’t be with me if he weren’t attracted to me. He says having a preference for a more toned ass doesn’t cancel out his attraction to me as a whole. He also says if I told him something similar about his body, it would hurt badly, but the next day he’d start working on it rather than questioning the relationship.

I believe him when he says he loves me and is attracted to me. But I can’t seem to un-hear what he said. Now I’m second guessing being naked around him and wondering what he’s thinking when he looks at my body. It’s especially hard knowing that the specific body part he has repeatedly said is most important to his attraction is apparently unattractive enough on me to affect his erection.

It’s now been three days since this happened, and I’m really struggling to figure out how to just go back to normal with him. Our conversations don’t feel the same, there’s basically no physical affection between us, and I don’t feel the same desire to open up or be vulnerable with him the way I did before. He’s asked why this has become such a big deal for me, and I honestly don’t know how to explain that I can believe he loves me and is attracted to me overall while still feeling deeply affected by what he said. He notices that I’m more distant and seems hurt by it, but I’m not withholding affection to punish him or trying to drag this out. I genuinely don’t know how to flip a switch and be affectionate, playful and completely comfortable with him again when I still don’t feel that way.

Is it reasonable for a partner to communicate physical preferences/criticisms this directly if their intention is improvement? Would you be able to separate “my partner is attracted to me overall” from “this specific part of my body is unattractive enough to affect their arousal”?

Is this something two people can learn to communicate through, or whether our ideas about honesty, attraction and handling conflict are fundamentally incompatible.

TL;DR BF says my butt is effecting his performance

Hi all, this is a long post. I don’t currently have an outlet or anyone to speak to about any of this.

We have been together almost 3 years, unmarried and no children together, although he has children I adore.

I didn’t know about his meth addiction until 1.5 years in, he didn’t tell me, I found his pipe.

I relive the night I found his pipe over and over again in my mind all the time. I noticed he was taking a bag to and from work, which I hadn’t seen before. One afternoon he left the bag in the bathroom and I went in and he realised and rushed in to “see if the bathroom was clean”. Really, he just wanted to make sure the bag wasn’t open and I couldn’t see his pipe or stash. I felt so many different emotions when I looked in that bag the first time, I felt sick, upset, confused and shocked. I think I was in a state of shock for a long time. I also felt frightened of him. Not because he’d ever harmed me, but because I didn’t know who he was. The drugs explained him withdrawing, him being distant, his physical appearance changing, him being irritable all the time and the feeling of him not being present. Other than his gear, I found him passed out naked on the bed. Drooling. I didn’t wake him. I paced the house and he eventually woke up. From that moment, he treated me as though he was punishing me, like I had done something wrong. He told me he had been a drug addict, however, had only been using casually recently.

I was so angry at first, then I felt guilty and overwhelmed with worry. I started showing him more love, more care, the kids and I celebrated him and his use went on a few months until one night he told me that I’d be happy to know he threw all of his stuff out. That was April 2025, and until November 2025, our relationship had never been better. He was present, loving, more patient with the kids, he didn’t woke all hours of the day and night. We were happy and we were in love.

November 2025 he had a family tragedy and by late December 2025 he started using again. From then and currently he treats me as though I am invisible. I might not hear from him for weeks. The longest has been 1 month. If I do speak to him or see him, it’s because I’ve contacted him. I had to take a step back for my own wellbeing. I was constantly anxious. I am filled with anxiety every time I see him now.

I have tried to help him, support him, I started going to NA meetings for family members, just to learn how to support him better.

He is awful to me at times. I try to hold it together but sometimes it gets too much and I break down in front of him and he doesn’t say anything or he walks away from me. I am not sure how I can forgive someone who isn’t sorry and hasn’t apologised for all of the hurt he has caused. I am also not sure if I want to forgive him.

I don’t know if I even like him anymore, let alone if I love him.

He gets this look on his face like he is there but not really there. It scares me. I know that sounds stupid but I have never been around anyone or anything like this and it does scare me.

He perceives things so different to the way I do, he even tells me I’ve said or made him feel a certain way and I genuinely don’t remember or think I have even said these things he is convinced of.

I had heard of functioning addicts and I am furious that he can run a successful business, be nice to everyone else, including strangers but he treats me as though I am nothing. Sometimes it feels like he hates me. He doesn’t want to let me go because I believe he does know how much I have always cared for him and I am a comfort to him when he needs it but I feel as though he is destroying me.

I actually find myself thinking, maybe if he hurts me so much, I won’t be able to stay. At least with him being consistently horrible to me, maybe it will sink in and I will lose all hope. Maybe I even hope he’ll end things or hurt me so badly that I won’t have to live with the guilt of abandoning someone I wanted to build a life with. It’s so messed up to feel these things. I am usually such a stable, together type of woman. I feel weak, like I’m a different person.

After all of this, and all the heartache. If I could turn back time, I’m not sure if I make the choice to enter a relationship with him or maybe meet him at all.

If you are going through anything like this, I hope you are ok.

TL;DR Partner of an Addict

Hi everyone, posting on a throwaway because this is a bit vulnerable and I really need some outside perspective.

For context, I’ve always been heavily praised for my oral skills in the past. Every guy I've been with would finish completely shaking after orgasming. I put a lot of effort and passion into it: I do heavy eye contact, cock worship, pay close attention to the glans, the balls, the whole environment, and my partner's entire body. I genuinely enjoy it, so I moan, sometimes touch myself, and I always listen and adapt to what they react to best. I genuinely felt like I had it down to a science.

With my current boyfriend, though, it's a coin toss. Sometimes he finishes shaking just like the others and sometimes he hates it. Absolutely hates it. The frustrating part is I don't change my technique or my routine.

Over time, he’s started pointing it out more dryly or bluntly when he isn't into it. Because I'm a chronic overthinker, this is really starting to get to me, and I'm slowly losing my desire to go down on him at all—which bothers me because I actually love doing it, and love doing it to him.

We do communicate about it, but I hit a brick wall every time:

When I ask him what he didn't like when it goes badly, his answer is literally: "The entirety of it" and when I ask him what he would like me to do instead, he names specific things that I know for a fact I did during that exact session. When I point that out, he denies it, and I think maybe he just doesn't "feel" those things happening.

TL;DR : I feel stuck, confused, and my confidence is taking a massive hit. Is it a sensory thing? A disconnect between his mind and body? How can I approach this conversation better, or what kind of techniques/adjustments should I be looking into?

Any advice or insights would be hugely appreciated.

I, 36F, have been dating a man, 34M, for around 4 months now. He‘a genuinely wonderful, I could see a future with him. The issue I have is that we are both large (fat) people and his penis is small, maybe 3 inches, and because of medications he uses it doesn’t stay hard so we haven’t had sex yet. We are intimate in other ways, he’s very good in bed otherwise and I‘m enjoying our time together.

I thought he was aware that traditional PIV sex probably wasnt going to happen but the other day he suggested I get on top to try. We were unsuccessful, I didn’t have the heart to tell him there’s no way I can see that our bodies fit together. How does he not see it won’t work and how do I start that conversation?

I‘m happy with what we are doing and don’t want to hurt his feelings.

TL;DR His penis is too short to reach my vaginal canal

Hi! so, a few disclaimers before I start the story! First of all, I’m using a throwaway account because I don’t want people who know me to know about this. Secondly, English is not my first language, so please keep that in mind while reading because I might make some mistakes. Okay, with that out of the way, here it is:

I (23F) and my boyfriend (23M) have been dating for 4 months now, and honestly, everything up to this point has been perfect. He is such a gentleman, funny, caring, and gets along with my family and friends just fine. He is the first boyfriend my family actually likes.

I started getting suspicious that something was going on about 2 weeks ago because, while we were having sex on the couch, I was on top of him, and I felt his hands come off me and stay like that until he finished. He is usually all over me, so that was kind of out of character for him. I immediately thought, “OMG, is he filming me?” but dismissed that thought and did nothing about it.

The same thing happened again in the bedroom the next day. Again, I was on top, and I felt his hands come off me and felt him searching for something. That immediately took me out of the mood, but again, I did nothing.

Just so you guys know, I am really bad with confrontation, especially if I don’t have proof of what I’m saying. I believe that same scenario happened once more, and then I was fully convinced he was filming me. I had kind of a breakdown in the shower and thought, “I need proof before I confront him.”

At first, I thought he was filming because I was going on vacation for a week to another country, and maybe he wanted something for his alone time. But I felt nauseous all the same. I tried multiple times to get his phone but was never successful. It almost seemed like he was being careful not to let his phone get close to me.

I was finally able to look through it while he was in the kitchen one night. I looked through his photos but didn’t find anything, even in the deleted folder. So I relaxed and thought, “I was just going crazy. It must be the nerves of the packing and stuff.”

So I went on vacation and came back yesterday, and everything was perfect until today.

We started having sex, and he asked me to go on top of him. I did, and again, I felt his hands come off me. At first, I didn’t think anything of it until I felt his hands searching around. I asked if everything was okay, and he grabbed a pillow to put under his elbow, saying it was hurting (he broke it a few months ago).

I relaxed a bit, but then he kept pressing my head against his chest and didn’t let me look up. Very gently, but still, kind of weird. And then I knew something was up.

I tried to look but didn’t see anything clearly. He finished and then stayed with his eyes shut because he was tired. I wanted to look at his phone but was scared he might see me looking.

I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, he got his phone. Then I saw it.

A video of us. I saw my butt and everything.

I pretended I didn’t see it, but I think he caught on that something was wrong with me because he kept asking me what was wrong.

I waited until he went to the bathroom and looked through his WhatsApp (an app for messaging that we use in my country). I didn’t see anything, but when I went to look at the WhatsApp Business app, he came back and laid next to me.

I’m so scared and have no idea what to do. My sister is on her honeymoon, so I don’t want to bother her, and my mom is out of the country right now.

I kind of want to look through his phone again to see where he is keeping these videos because I know it’s not in his camera roll and not on WhatsApp. Maybe WhatsApp Business? Or Telegram? I don’t know.

I want to understand what happened and what else might exist before I tell my sister. I love this man, and I’m so confused. I keep telling myself it’s fine, but I don’t know if it is.

He is at the gym right now and is coming back later. I don’t know what to do. I’m so lost.

I need help figuring out the safest and smartest way to approach this conversation with him, how I should handle the possibility that there are other recordings, and whether I should involve my sister before confronting him. I’m especially worried about what might happen to the videos if I confront him without knowing what he has saved or shared.

TL;DR: I found a video of my boyfriend recording us having sex without my knowledge or consent. I had suspected he was doing it for a couple of weeks because of his behavior during sex, but today I actually saw the video on his phone. I haven’t confronted him yet and don’t know whether there are other recordings or where they might be saved.

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I'm (32M) looking for advice about my relationship with my wife (32F).

She has PCOS and we have been trying to conceive for 2 years, we are doing IVF. She fell pregnant twice. The first time the baby had a rare congenital abnormality incompatible with life and we proceeded with a termination at 13 weeks. The second time she became pregnant it ended with a spontaneous miscarriage at 6 weeks.

It feels like everyone around us is at the stage of starting a family and many colleagues and friends are having children. When we got through the end of the first trimester for the first pregnancy we announced to family and friends about the pregnancy which unfortunately ended. My wife felt 'embarrassed' afterwards.

Since the first pregnancy loss my wife has found exposure to any pregnant women very triggering. We have been at a party with friends previously and my wife had to immediately leave the party in tears when one of our friends announced their pregnancy at the event.

About 3 months ago my sister (29F) privately messaged us very sensitively that she had fallen pregnant. This news made my wife extremely upset. She feels that it was 'her turn' to fall pregnant first, feels that my sister was 'dishonest' about trying for a baby when she was asking her about her family plans previously. She feels she is a direct comparison to her and is jealous of how 'easy' it was for her to fall pregnant (we don't know how long they had been trying). She is currently about 6 months pregnant.

My wife has made a strict rule about not seeing my sister at all which my sister is aware of and has been quietly avoiding her. My wife has made some troubling comments that she wishes my sister has a miscarriage.

This has created issues for me as my wife is usually with me and that I have not seen my sister in months. My family including my parents, aunts and grandparents now co-ordinate events so that my sister and my wife are not at the same event. My sister has been excluded from some gatherings because of this. I am also very close to my family and we usually see each other once a week. Her mother (56F) lives with us in a granny flat.

My wife has spoken to the IVF service counsellor but didn't find it helpful. I have encouraged her to see a clinical psychologist which she has started to see and finds helpful but her behaviour, wishes and rules have not changed.

I feel very conflicted because my wife is obviously traumatised by her experiences, and I am very upset about our fertility issues as well. I want to support her through this. At the same time this reaction seems abnormal or maladaptive.

I feel sorry for my sister as this is her first child, she has not done anything wrong and is now being excluded from family events where she is present, where previously we would all be together. The situation has cast a dark cloud over her pregnancy.

My wife has 'allowed' me to see my sister without her a few times but she doesn't like me to do it. She has 'allowed' me to attend my sister's baby shower after initially asking me not to go. She has asked me to skip my family's Christmas to avoid seeing my sister and new baby which we normally attend every year and bring along my mother in law.

She said she would only be comfortable to see my sister again when she has given birth and has a baby in her arms (which I hope will happen but is not guaranteed)

Any advice for what to do in this situation?

TL;DR My (32M) wife (32F) refuses to see my pregnant sister (29F) after fertility issues, IVF and 2 pregnancy losses. My family is having to co-ordinate to keep them separate when previously we would all see each other every week. Feeling torn between supporting my traumatised wife and feeling this is abnormal. I feel sorry for my sister and her pregnancy which should be celebrated.