u/bubble_gummmmmmm

Okay, so I (29/F) have a live-in partner of 8 years (29/M). We are not married, but we have 2 kids together.

I am his first and only sexual partner. He has never been with anyone else before me. I, on the other hand, had more experiences before we met and got to enjoy some of my younger years doing what I wanted.

When we met, he got me pregnant on our first meeting, and since then we have been together and completely monogamous. He became committed, responsible, and focused on building our family.

I have a question because I’m really confused about how I should feel.

Whenever my partner drinks or even just has a little alcohol, he sometimes brings up fantasies about wanting to try a thr*some or roleplay, like pretending he is with other women or things like that. I usually go along with it because, honestly, I sometimes feel like I took away his chance to experience those things. He never got to have the dating, flirting, or seual experiences that many people have when they are younger because he became committed to me and our family.

For the record, he is a great provider and has always been faithful throughout our 8 years together.

Because of that, I sometimes feel guilty, so I let him enjoy those fantasies during s*x. I thought there was nothing wrong with it because, in reality, he has never cheated on me. These fantasies just come and go, and we have always been open about talking about them.

Whenever he asks me if I’m okay with it or if I would ever want to experience something like that, I tell him that it’s okay as long as he tells me beforehand and asks for my permission before anything actually happens.

When I say those things, part of me thinks I’m okay with it because I feel like I was the reason he missed out on certain experiences because he became committed so young. But another part of me wonders if I’m only agreeing because I feel guilty.

Recently, he asked me if it would be okay if he met up with his ex-girlfriend just to talk and bond. He said he thinks it would be fun and even invited me and the kids so I could meet her and maybe we could become friends.

I actually already became friends with his ex on social media. Nothing serious, just normal greetings like happy birthday or happy holidays. I actually like her as a person.

Sometimes when I entertain his fantasies, I even find myself enjoying it a little, but I honestly don’t know if I truly like it or if I only think I like it because of my guilt.

So when he asked about meeting his ex, I told him it was okay if he went alone. I felt awkward about going with the kids. He said it would be overnight, so naturally my mind went to the possibility of something se*ual happening between them.

I told him that if anything happens between them, they should be safe, use protection, and that I want him to tell me if something happens.

Now I’m realizing that this sounds like I’m allowing an open relationship, and I’m having a full-blown emotional rollercoaster because the day is getting closer.

Part of me thinks, at least he is asking for my permission and not hiding it from me. Maybe this is better than him cheating behind my back. If I say no, a part of me worries, “What if he does it anyway and I never know?” Would it be better this way because at least it’s honest?

But another part of me is scared that I’m only agreeing because I feel guilty that he never got to experience anything before me. But how will I know if I do like that kind of thing if we haven't try them yet?

I would really appreciate some outside perspective.

TL;DR: I encouraged my partner’s fantasies because I felt guilty that he never experienced anyone else before me. Now he wants to meet his ex, and I’m having doubts about whether I truly consent to this or if I’m just trying to be a good partner and also wants to try it.