My Partner is a “functioning”meth addict and I don’t know how I feel about him anymore.
Hi all, this is a long post. I don’t currently have an outlet or anyone to speak to about any of this.
We have been together almost 3 years, unmarried and no children together, although he has children I adore.
I didn’t know about his meth addiction until 1.5 years in, he didn’t tell me, I found his pipe.
I relive the night I found his pipe over and over again in my mind all the time. I noticed he was taking a bag to and from work, which I hadn’t seen before. One afternoon he left the bag in the bathroom and I went in and he realised and rushed in to “see if the bathroom was clean”. Really, he just wanted to make sure the bag wasn’t open and I couldn’t see his pipe or stash. I felt so many different emotions when I looked in that bag the first time, I felt sick, upset, confused and shocked. I think I was in a state of shock for a long time. I also felt frightened of him. Not because he’d ever harmed me, but because I didn’t know who he was. The drugs explained him withdrawing, him being distant, his physical appearance changing, him being irritable all the time and the feeling of him not being present. Other than his gear, I found him passed out naked on the bed. Drooling. I didn’t wake him. I paced the house and he eventually woke up. From that moment, he treated me as though he was punishing me, like I had done something wrong. He told me he had been a drug addict, however, had only been using casually recently.
I was so angry at first, then I felt guilty and overwhelmed with worry. I started showing him more love, more care, the kids and I celebrated him and his use went on a few months until one night he told me that I’d be happy to know he threw all of his stuff out. That was April 2025, and until November 2025, our relationship had never been better. He was present, loving, more patient with the kids, he didn’t woke all hours of the day and night. We were happy and we were in love.
November 2025 he had a family tragedy and by late December 2025 he started using again. From then and currently he treats me as though I am invisible. I might not hear from him for weeks. The longest has been 1 month. If I do speak to him or see him, it’s because I’ve contacted him. I had to take a step back for my own wellbeing. I was constantly anxious. I am filled with anxiety every time I see him now.
I have tried to help him, support him, I started going to NA meetings for family members, just to learn how to support him better.
He is awful to me at times. I try to hold it together but sometimes it gets too much and I break down in front of him and he doesn’t say anything or he walks away from me. I am not sure how I can forgive someone who isn’t sorry and hasn’t apologised for all of the hurt he has caused. I am also not sure if I want to forgive him.
I don’t know if I even like him anymore, let alone if I love him.
He gets this look on his face like he is there but not really there. It scares me. I know that sounds stupid but I have never been around anyone or anything like this and it does scare me.
He perceives things so different to the way I do, he even tells me I’ve said or made him feel a certain way and I genuinely don’t remember or think I have even said these things he is convinced of.
I had heard of functioning addicts and I am furious that he can run a successful business, be nice to everyone else, including strangers but he treats me as though I am nothing. Sometimes it feels like he hates me. He doesn’t want to let me go because I believe he does know how much I have always cared for him and I am a comfort to him when he needs it but I feel as though he is destroying me.
I actually find myself thinking, maybe if he hurts me so much, I won’t be able to stay. At least with him being consistently horrible to me, maybe it will sink in and I will lose all hope. Maybe I even hope he’ll end things or hurt me so badly that I won’t have to live with the guilt of abandoning someone I wanted to build a life with. It’s so messed up to feel these things. I am usually such a stable, together type of woman. I feel weak, like I’m a different person.
After all of this, and all the heartache. If I could turn back time, I’m not sure if I make the choice to enter a relationship with him or maybe meet him at all.
If you are going through anything like this, I hope you are ok.
TL;DR Partner of an Addict