u/ThrowInDaRiver

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There’s a man I know through mutual friends. We’re both married with children and seemingly outgoing, friendly people. We’ve had a few brief conversations over time, but we don’t really know each other.

Lately, I’ve noticed a pattern: whenever we happen to see each other, he’ll message me later that night, usually after midnight. It’s always something completely innocent, like “Hello” or “How was the rest of your day?”

I should add that I haven't replied to any of the messages, so there hasn't really been an ongoing conversation between us online.

Is this something I should just see as innocent and harmless, or is it better not to entertain it at all given the circumstances? Am I reading too much into it, or is there enough here to be cautious about?

I got pulled into a strange dynamic with a guy at my office who I do not work with directly and haven't really spoken to.

At first he was intense with long lingering eye contact that felt deliberate and focused mostly on my face. It created clear mutual awareness. Then he suddenly became extremely avoidant. He would turn his body to face away when i showed up, take different paths to avoid me , and make it obvious he did not want our eyes to meet. The shift was sharp.

Both of us are normally friendly and sociable with other people at work. With each other we act like the other does not exist. I think he is taken and I am too. I never wanted this tension. He started the looking.

I am older, not as fit, and do not consider myself in the same league in terms of looks, so at first I did not even realize it was attraction. I thought he might just want to be friendly the way I am with other male coworkers. When I tried normal friendliness he shut down completely ie darting his eyes away.

I am not looking to escalate anything. Right now I stay self contained, do not look for him, and just focus on my own work. Still I wonder how long this kind of guarded avoidance usually lasts and what helps it fade.

If you have been in a similar situation I would like to hear what you experienced. How long did the tension last? Why was the avoidance so strong? Did ignoring it, staying indifferent, or trying to normalize into basic politeness work better? I mainly want realistic expectations so I can stop giving this extra mental space.