r/bodylanguage

Firstly, I just need some advice so I’m sorry if this isn’t the exact right subreddit. If it’s not, feel free to remove it!

Disclaimer: never been on a date/had a relationship
Age: 21

So there’s this girl at work who’s the same age as me. We get on great. We pretty much clicked when we met and the conversation has just always flown. I’ve known her for about a year now and would class us as “close friends” at work. We spend I’d say like 60% of our shift together when we can which is hard to do considering we work in a busy place.

Signs:
- Approaches me/invites me to tag along at work
- Doesn’t mind proximity - she stands close enough that our arms like touch or whatever (I let her initiate that obviously considering it’s in a workplace and so I don’t make anyone uncomfortable)
- She also like sometimes casually touches my arm too with her hand
- Said the other day that she “stalked” (her word) my schedule so she can see when we’re on shift together
- Asked for my number for work purposes then that same day added me on Snapchat
- Checks where I am on the daily plan
- Sometimes wanted to take lunch breaks at the same time
- She can get shy when she compliments me
- Talks about things I do or say to her other work friends like: making her laugh etc. (positively lol)
- I made like these random drawings of people while I was bored once and every time I make one she keeps it
- Got a bit disappointed when I told her I was going to be off on certain days

The only thing that sort of sways me that maybe she doesn’t like me is that when her other friends returned to the same shifts as her, she seemed to gravitate slightly less towards me. Like it’s still sort of the same stuff but a bit less.

Also, I know that she’s 100% single as I heard her say it the other day.

Any questions, let me know.
Thank you, people!

If you’re open, making eye contact, smiling, etc. They can use this to run around and act like you want them at any given time. Sometimes sooner, sometimes later.

If you’re standoffish, not making eye contact, keeping to yourself, they can still run around thinking you want them but you’re just shy,

They will analyze your facial expressions, pupil dilation and voice tonality to determine that you want them regardless

Is there any way to win this seemingly no win game?

What are little indicators that your partner is proud having you by their side whether in public or when you are alone

Im a 31 year old woman, and I see myself as quite attractive. For months I have been greeted by this guy from my office, and we’ve talked a lot at the coffee machine about sports etc. I have had the impression he was flirting with me, because no one else is that eager to greet me and go talk to me.

A month ago I decided to make the next move and added him on SoMe. I was hoping he would get the hint and text me or something, but he didn’t really act on it. Some weeks later I texted him on the app with a very lowkey text about his sports, and he just answered friendly but without any follow-up or any try to keep the conversation going.

I felt very rejected and very confused about his signals. For some weeks I kinda stayed away from his area at the office and kept some distance.
But now he has yet again started to approach me and keep eye contact etc.

So what the f*** is going on here??? Am I misunderstanding his signals? Is he shy? What? Please enlighten me

So here’s the deal.

I (25F) have this coworker who is double my age (50M) and I cannot figure out if he is attracted to me, likes me, or dislikes me. We work at a school, we are neighbors.

He is a very outgoing, charismatic guy who looks like he could be in his late 30s. He’s always cracking jokes to people and is close friends with a couple other female teachers.

I am relatively new, and I definitely did not interact with him too much at the start of the year because I did not want to come off as inexperienced/needy to my coworkers. I think I inadvertently was kind of standoffish tbh.

So, it came as a complete surprise when he asked me to get lunch out of the blue one day. It was a half day, and almost everyone else had already left. No kids either. As we were leaving the school, I said that another coworker had mentioned the place we were going to before, and he seemed startled and misheard what I said as « so and so is coming too. » Then, on our way to our cars, we crossed paths with another coworker and he was uncharacteristically quiet, and did not extend an invite to her. He ended up confirming the rendez-vous only when he drove past my car.

The lunch was awkward— I didn’t know what to make of it and he seemed equally awkward. We talked about ourselves and our interests/motivations, and when I mentioned my sister’s husband, I’m pretty sure he asked if he was older than her. That was such an out of pocket question that I still second guess my memory. He also pointed to the coffee board and asked if I « like those sorts of things. »

Anyway, I basically felt weird and confused after that lunch and the next morning he seemed to have timed himself to cross paths with me at an exact moment to recommend a book to me (as a follow up to our conversation the previous day.) I kind of brushed it off. Then, later, he asked me what time my lunch was that day because he had missed his normal time (man has been at that school for many years). I again brushed it off and went to busy myself.

So… if the lunch was a *lunch*, my follow up reactions sure were sending a hard no.

Anyway, a few weeks pass, I go and talk to him out of the blue about some struggles I’d been having, he’s really nice and empathetic about it, reassures me that I’ve made a positive impression on everyone on our team, he said: « That’s why I was so happy you said yes to lunch, because I was like, I like her, I want to get to know her, » and then called me mysterious and like Stevie Nicks. Hm.

That might have thawed things because he started coming to check up on me a bit. I took care of some baby chicks for him while he was away and he called me a « good step-mother » and out of the blue called me by my full first name in a teasing way, which I don’t use at work. Not sure how he found it.

Then, he went out of his way to go all the way across campus with a broken ankle to fix my broken tables (and winked at me).

Another day, he came into my room, asked me if I was quitting, and said that it was like « we’re getting a divorce » because I’m moving buildings next year.

Probably the two most interesting pieces of information are how he very obviously checked me out when I was wearing a new dress, and how when I told him I was super tired, he brought it up again later and asked if I had a date the previous night.

Lately, however, he has been a bit hot and cold. Sometimes, he will pop into places where I am, as well as others and interact with us in some plausibly deniable way (I think), such as randomly popping in and chatting with my students about what they’re working on. Sometimes, he will look at me out of the corner of his eye but not say hi, or not greet me except to give short, one worded retorts to my quips. Sometimes, he will catch my eye and smile at me as he passes into his room. Sometimes, he is busy or doesn’t seem to want me to come into his room. Today, his hands were shaking when he came over to help me with something. Maybe he just has shaky hands.

He hasn’t asked me to another lunch type of thing, but he has made soft references to getting coffee, and even offered to bring me one (which I turned down out of pure practicality— I already had one).

Anyway, I’m running out of time with this person near me, and I want to decide what to do. Is this flirting? Is this just normal platonic coworker behavior, and I have daddy issues? Is he making fun of me? Am I bad at flirting and thus giving mixed signals?

Would love some perspective.

I always been curious for women what that is like. As a guy I never been checked out before by women or there just way more discrete idk. Like when I check someone out sometimes I feel like they look my direction (not at me) and i feel like I got caught or I make it look obvious I was checking them out by looking away very suddenly. Ik *checking women* out a good thing to do. I don't do it often and when I do i try to just look for 3 seconds and look away. I don't bother women so dw about me being a creep and approaching them. Ig we all just have attraction towards people our bodies and brain can't look away from lol.

Why?

I have a few people in my life who do this. They completely turn their head/eyes or body while having a conversation with me. So then i mirror them by looking else where while they are talking. So now its 2 people looking completely different directions while having one convo. It makes me so disinterested and kind of plan my exit.

Am I missing something? Do these people want to be looked at while talking? Do they want me to look away so they can look at me? Do they have anxiety of being seen by me (or anyone)?

And i can hold eye contact but I’m also mixing it up and looking else where too and then coming back for eye contact. I’m not creepily staring into their soul.
And whats more if i do this long enough where I don’t look at them, then they will seek out eye contact. Position their body in my view point or gesture unnecessarily to get my attention back on them.

Anyone have this experience? How can I understand this?

Meanwhile my neighbor (complete stranger) who I met for the first time in 2 years, could hold perfect eye contact.

I interact with a certain man regularly and we don't have a problem making eye contact or being comfortable around each other. On the days when I dress up(I usually always do, but specifically when I'm wearing a nice dress and heels) suddenly this guy will not look at me. Like literally turns his head with no expression on his face and won't say anything to me for a moment. He usually hugs me when greeting, but again, when I am dressed nicely he won't hug me at all.

So I'm pretty confused. I'm a woman.

Sometimes there would be company parties and everyone would be at one big table chatting with other people. I usually keep to myself most of the time and don't initiate conversations, but I do join in convesations as a side member, if you know what I mean.

What I've noticed is that when I talk to other women, it's normal chatting, I make eye contact just fine and I can keep a conversation long and engaging. But when sometimes a man would initiate a convo with me, I try to engage and make the convo longer by asking follow up questions and offering my opinion, just like usual right? Then I make eye contact and then they look at me and fizzle out the convo. Like they turn to another person and talk to them instead, or say some filler things like "Is that so?", "Interesting...", or just ends the convo abruptly somehow.

This has happened more than 5-6 times and I'm just bamboozled why it's only happened with men. Any ideas?

Hi all!

Input on how to tell if a guy is into from body language / interaction in a public setting?

I see someone often and just feel this intensity I look at him he looks away- he looks at me and I look away

or if I look at him he’ll side eye me, look away and then side eye me again.

this is has been going on for a long time—

he did make small talk once but, we were just ‘caught’ in the same place so probably felt he had to haha!

One unexpected downside since I got leaner and more confident socially: I feel like I accidentally intimidate customer service workers sometimes.

I’ve noticed this mostly at cafes. I’ll walk in, make eye contact with a barista, and sometimes they suddenly turn away to “do something” even when it’s quiet and nobody else is waiting. Other times they start talking to each other first like they’re deciding who’s taking my order.

When they do interact with me, they seem nervous, avoiding eye contact, looking down a lot, etc. Then when I’m looking away or paying with my phone and when I look up, I’ll catch them looking at me. I’m a shy person too, so I start to blush as well. It’s honestly kind of cute and endearing, not a complaint.

Lately I’ve started greeting people with a big smile right away because I realized I might come across more intense or serious than I mean to.
Curious if anyone else has experienced this after a big glow-up / weight loss / confidence change.

Então, provavelmente qual é minha linguagem corporal pra atrair só gente que ou não faz meu tipo ou é mais velho? Eu só queria gente da minha faixa etária, pelo menos parece que a maior parte de quem se interessa por mim atualmente são pessoas mais velhas e desinteressantes ao meu ver.

Me sinto tão fora do campo amoroso, eu sou alguém mais introvertida, reservada e que não curte muitos locais de socialização excessiva - como festas.

Sou mulher, tenho 21 anos, e não me considero feia.

There is this woman in my life that I already now for probably 3 years by now.

There were not many chances to come closer, mainly due to I didn't allow/try.

By now we see each other in group activities probably weekly and I feel like there is a connection over just being friends. But I'm not sure and I'd like to hear some advice from you.

For context:

We're both in our mid 30ies and got to know each other in a sports club. Problem here is: I am the teacher and i made it to my standard to never pursue romantic connections to my students. It's just unprofessional.

However, time came, and we had a party where everyone had a lot of fun, alcohol and time. We ended up having a lot of fun, arm in arm hugging each other whatever. She invited me home but I denied. My last bit of professionalism kicked in while I was drunk.

We never talked about it after or did much together.

Fast forward 2 years, and we finally see each other more often. Purely because we do the same sport in the same club with the same friends.

However she looks a lot at me in the past 2-3 months. We laugh a lot, and she will make sure to talk with me more than with others.

When we go to a restaurant with other friends she'll make sure to sit next to me (as do I). She'll often look me in the eyes when there is something to laugh about. Sometimes we have our own jokes just the 2 of us can laugh about.

After some time she started touching my arm or shoulder when laughing. We'll share eye contact and frowning eyebrows when someone says something silly.

However: I never made a clear approach because we're always surrounded by other people where I am the teacher. I seem to be my own prisoner of the idea to keep it professional and not have people talk about how I'm after my students.

We do write eachother sometimes by now. There is some vibe, however she'll stop texting after maybe 4-5 texts. Never on a bad note, more like she doesn't have more time and simply is not much on her phone.

E.g. I wrote here today, she answered twice with good mood. I asked 2 questions and than it went silent.

More than once when time came and everyone says goodbye she'll just get in her car and drive off

.without much of sharing goodbyes and whatever.

She is always in a good mood and will laugh a lot with everyone. It's basically just the eye contact and touching that made me think twice.

What should I do?

I did make a move to ask if we'll see eachother soon to practice our sport just with the 2 of us. But I'm not sure if she maybe just is interested in the sport and sees this as a friendly meetup just like With everyone.

There’s a girl on my campus that I find really beautiful, but I’ve never had the chance to talk to her. I always see her passing by when I’m in line at the cafeteria (kind of like a university dining hall). Last week, I was standing in line and saw her heading toward the end of the line. When we saw each other, I looked at her and noticed that she looked at me too, but I quickly looked away, and she did the same. I looked at her again, she looked back at me again, and once more I looked away and she did too. A third time, I looked at her and saw her looking at me, but I lowered my head.

I kept looking away and lowering my head because I was afraid she would think badly of me or see me as some creepy guy who stares at women.

I finished my lunch and, when I was leaving, I passed by her at the exit and once again our eyes met. I lowered my head and left.

Today, I arrived at the cafeteria a little late, and when I got there she was already leaving. I looked at her to see if she would notice that I was looking at her, but as soon as she saw me, she lowered her head.

Do you think I’ve completely lost my chances with her and did something wrong?

Do you think she deliberately looked down when i looked at her today, because she is basically saying thet she is not interested or she is just may e playing games?

So there’s this guy. We’re in the same class and we’ve known each other for less than a year, only became closer in the past few months. We’re 19 and 20.

Sometimes I think he’s shy, other times chivalry and comfortable, and other times interest. I can’t seem to understand at all.

One thing I’ve realised is how patient he is, since day one! I got stuck in the door once and it was funny and embarrassing. He stood there and smiled at me, and waited patiently and said it’s okay people can get stuck, (they don’t 😂).

He has also opened the car door for me, even though I was doing it, and also helped me put my chair under the table, again I was doing it.

I’ve realised he also looks for me when we all walk in for class. He stares at me for a bit, but again that could be that he’s acknowledging someone he knows.

But here’s the thing, we hardly see each other, and even when we do we hardly speak as we’re with our own friendship groups.

Last time I saw him I looked back and joined in on their conversation. His friend who was with him immediately went to the other friends but he stayed with me the entire time, even though we hardly had anything to talk about. His friends also kind of ‘ignore’ me now which is weird.

But the reason I think he’s shy is because once we were sat next to each other talking, and he was being expressive with his hands whilst telling the story. Naturally I looked at his hands and he immediately put them away.

This boy just doesn’t judge me at all. I’m incredibly chatty and I talk in circles, sometimes even I don’t know what I’m talking about, and he doesn’t seem to mind at all.

I kind of feel like he’s trying to be ‘careful’ and noticing my behaviour before he decides how to interact with me.

If a guys friendship group realised he liked a girl, would they suddenly avoid all eye contact, avoid standing next to her, avoid talking to her, and maybe even walk away if she’s talking to him, to give them space?

Let's say you have had strong feelings (some conflicted) for a coworker for some time but you want to move on from it and lose those feelings because ultimately you know it's not a healthy situation for either of you when you are both not willing to speak about it and staying guarded. You want to move on but how do you go about losing feelings for someone you have to see throughout the week in a healthy way? Would you limit interactions to a complete minimum and allow yourself time for the feelings to pass? There's communication barriers on both sides that have been built and will likely never even out so if we take having a conversation about it off the table....what would you do? Or how did you deal with a similar situation?

Apologies if this is the wrong sub to ask this

Ffs I watched too many videos of "are you attractive enough for a female gaze??" And none of them helped a bit. Though I have been called handsome by other girls before but I'm really practical and skeptical to believe that. So is there any proof or it's just vibes at the end of the day 🤷?