u/Dismal_Artist299

I (F21) got rejected by a guy (M20) about three months ago. We met at uni, and he was the one that made the first moves quite quickly. Calling me pretty, asking me out and doing other flirty actions. Also said that he enjoys our ‘deep’ conversations and that he enjoys our time together. In the beginning I was hesitant even though I was attracted to him. He had a cute handsome face, cute eyes, he was about my height (5’3) which I liked. There was just something special about him, every time I would see him I would get butterflies and cuteness aggression.
Anyway, I was hesitant at first, but I decided to make some moves myself and we ended up meeting up at uni and talking. We had many things in common, had ‘deep’ conversations, but we were also very different, which I liked. He was very talkative, charismatic and goofy.
We were basically in a situationship at this point. Things happened throughout the months, he gave me hope and it felt like he was into me, but at the same time I noticed he didn’t really put any effort in to get to know me, barely texted me first. There were a lot of mixed signals. It confused me, because he flirted with me directly but it still didn’t go a step further, I kept blaming myself because I rejected him when he first had asked me out (which is when we barely knew each other), but I thought me initiating things after would redeem it. The whole thing lasted maybe 5 months, with us barely even talking.
Anyway, I decided I wouldn’t text him anymore, because it started feeling like I was the one chasing after him and he didn’t care about me at all. We hadn’t talked in 1-2 months. Then he randomly texts me one night (Mind you, a few days before our exams) and tells me that I’m beautiful and intelligent but he lacks feelings for me, he doesn’t want to hurt me and he apologizes for giving mixed signals bla bla bla… Even though I had already accepted that things wouldn’t work out between us, it hit me hard for some reason. Maybe my ego got hurt because he was the one who showed interest first and he was also the one who ended up rejecting me, he literally texted me especially to reject me even though we hadn’t talked in a while.. He didn’t even give me a chance for us to go on a date to get to know each other romantically, I was also a bit shy during our conversations because we were just getting to know each other, so it feels like I didn’t get to show my personality.
Anyway, now every time I see him or I see his name or his picture my heart hurts, and I find myself getting insecure and comparing myself to other girls, having random thoughts like: ‘If I was blonde, he wouldn’t have rejected me’ or ‘If I looked like this girl, he would have probably still pursued me’. I don’t know how to get over it. I keep overthinking the same things.
I will also probably still see him around on campus, which I’m dreading. I’m going to try to avoid him as best as I can. Our last conversation ended on a good note but I can’t help but feel upset, angry and used. Especially when I think back at all the moments where he tried getting me flustered, cause I’m a shy person, and he would laugh at my reaction. I feel like maybe he also just did it for an ego boost. Or he found someone else and texted me so I wouldn’t bother him anymore. There are so many thoughts running through my head it’s making me go crazy.
There were so many moments that I think back at, where he was straight up flirting, meanwhile he was ‘not sure’ about his feelings and apparently ‘saw me more as a friend’. I genuinely can’t trust guys anymore…

I’m F21 and I don’t have much dating experience. I’ve been asked out a couple of times and dated one person. I would say I’m above average. But I’m still a reserved and shy person. I constantly hear that confidence in a woman is really important. The thing is, I would describe myself as confident but I feel like I don’t come off as confident because I am quiet. Is it a turn off for men when a woman is shy, quiet, and not popular?

He sent me a message ending things officially a few weeks ago, saying I’m beautiful, intelligent, I have a good heart but he just lacks feelings for me. He said he doesn’t want to hurt me and he apologized for giving me mixed signals. He said that from the beginning he wasn’t sure what kind of ‘interest’ he had in me. The past few months I noticed how he wasn’t putting in much effort and gave mixed signals, but I still felt hope because he was sweet to me and gave me compliments, and even asked me out. Ever since then we were kind of in a ‘situationship’. Now I’m just wondering: What was I lacking? How can he lack feelings when he made the first moves and he kept flirting with me, telling me I’m beautiful, and intelligent? Was I not good enough? What can I change for him to develop feelings for me? Every time I see him my heart hurts. Was he just playing around to get an ego boost? He doesn’t even know how strong my feelings got for him. He also deleted my number after texting me for the last time, because his profile picture disappeared. Was it that easy for him to get rid of me? How do I stop thinking about him? I remember him sending me a voice message in the middle of the night talking about how he enjoyed our conversation and how he wanted to spend more time with me. This is the first time I’m experiencing this. I feel so insecure and empty.

Basically, we met at the beginning of the year at school. Since the beginning I noticed he was very flirty and direct. He called me pretty, asked me out and did some other flirty things throughout the months. I did notice however that he barely would text me and it started feeling like I was the one chasing after him. In person, he was really nice though and we had ‘deep’ conversations. We didn’t spend that much time together but my feelings still grew strong. He also gave me mixed signals though so I kept waiting and hoping for something to happen. I don’t have much relationship experience so I didn’t want to believe he was a player. Anyway, he recently sent me a message saying that I’m pretty, intelligent, he likes my personality etc. but he just doesn’t have feelings for me and he doesn’t want to hurt me so he wanted to end whatever friendship or thing we had going on. It really hurt me. I keep thinking: did I do something wrong, what am I missing, cause he said he finds me pretty, intelligent and he thinks I am a rare person cause of my good personality. So I really just don’t understand. He apologized for giving me mixed signals, and he also sent me the message the week before our exams so it really distracted me. This is the first time that I have feelings for someone in this way. Every time I see him my heart beats faster and I think about him almost every second of the day, and it’s really painful. He also immediately deleted my number after sending his last message (he did wait for my reply, but I saw that his profile picture disappeared after my reply) which was also painful cause it felt like he really did not care about me at all. He just ended things so easily. And I know it’s wrong, but I keep thinking: I wonder what his type is, I wonder what kind of girl I would have to be to be good enough for him, maybe I was too boring or maybe I didn’t show enough of my personality. I feel so insecure about myself for the first time.