Husband had an affair
I found out this week my husband had an on and off affair for 1.5/2 years while we were dating. We got married last September, About 9 months into our relationship he started texting this other women, she did reach out first because they matched on Tinder before we met. But he shouldnt have even responsed in my opinion. The conversation he initially said he was dating me, but somewhere along the lines shortly after he said we broke up, and I was his crazy ex, and this and that. I found out he called, texted, flirted, sent pictures, etc. With this women for months. I was laying in our bed and he was in the next room calling this women. Saying he wants to marry her.. he proposed to me months later. I'm disgusted he did this all while I was in the house with him. He would take selfies and send them to me and to her, it's like nothing special to me. Everything just feels like a lie now. He says nothing physical happend, but that doesn't make me feel any better. You were still talking of fucking and getting nudes, etc. Emotional affairs seem just as damaging to me. You could have put that effort into stregnthing our relationship and instead you found someone else.
I asked him straight up if he ever flirted, cheated, texted other women. I said please please I need you to just tell me the truth. He said no, lied right to my face. Has been lying to my face for 4 years apparently. He didn't even seem remorseful in the slightest when I confronted him about this. I literally had to prompt him to say sorry, he didn't even say it on his own. I thought the first thing out of a cheaters mouth would be I'm sorry. I feel like I'm the one begging for this to work, when it should be him. I'm just so heart broken right now, I don't know how to feel. Sure it didn't happen when we were married but we were dating and engaged, isn't that just as bad? I wouldn't have married him if this came out before the wedding. When I confronted him I didn't even yell, scream, nothing. I dont know why I was so calm, I think I was just stunned. Days later and now I am furious. I'm so mad.
A few months back I found many many pictures of his exes and girls on his phone (nudes, etc) I was so upset. I felt like that was borderline cheating. When that happened I asked him to go through his phone and delete anything like that. He had the chance to go thru and delete these messages between the women he had the affair with and didn't. I would've never known.
Everything logical tells me I should leave. We don't have children yet (we are actively trying so that just really adds on to the sting right now) we haven't bought a house together yet, there really is no shared assets. We moved from home and I haven't worked since the winter, I just started a new job this month so I will have an income again soon. I always told him if he ever cheated on me I would leave, if we were just dating and not married I would leave. I dont want to leave but I don't want to not be able to trust my husband. To be paranoid everytime he is on his phone, everytime he goes somewhere without me, I don't want to be paranoid. I dont want this to randomly pop in my head and ruin my mood for the rest of my life, but I'm worried that will happen. I'm just waiting for him to say something that will make me feel better, for something to happen, but I don't think anything will. I dont want to tell anyone, I'm embarrassed this happened to me. I'll be embarrassed if I tell my family and decide to stay with this man anyway. Couldn't even make it married for a year?? I don't know if I should leave or stay. I dont know how to handle these emotions, I cry I still feel like shit, I ignore it I still feel like shit, I talk to him I still feel like shit.