I hope I’m not the only one but I’ve given up on love. You have so much to loose for what? Cuddles? Your dog family and friends love you why do you need to fight with a man for him to care about you? They don’t even stop when their dick doesn’t work. They don’t stop in labor or in the nicu bathroom. All that goes thru their pee brain is bust a nut and poor me. Who else is choosing to be alone? Think about it maybe <10% of men are faithful including online.. more than 90% of guys watch or are addicted to porn, porn addiction 97% of the time(google) escalates to some sort of affair. You have more to loose than gain. Think about it we’re fighting to feed, sex work, clean pay bills for a dude that doesn’t ask us on dates doesn’t have any interest in us but only other women. Insane isn’t it? Maybe I’m jaded but personally I think it’s a waste of time to get with a man caretake for him and he can’t give you basic human decency. We aren’t gaining anything not safety, not protection not peace and not validation

My husband and I have been together for over 13 years, married for almost 4. We met in high school.

He cheated in the past, over 9 years ago. I was gutted. It became my biggest insecurity. But i stayed, believing that he would be better and put me first. Put us first. Our future, first.

As we've gotten into our 30s, our bodies changed. Ive been working on self acceptance and embracing myself for years now. CPTSD and a traumatic, neglectful childhood. He's never even tried to seek therapy. He was embarrassed to take his shirt off in front of me. We barely have sex once a month.

I looked at his phone yesterday and found porn. It was saved to his phone and I just started shaking. I couldnt believe what I saw. But everything clicked. The lack of intimacy. The lack of initiation. The lack of affection. Lack of attention to me.

When I confrinted him, he admitted to having an addiction. I told him he needs to go to therapy and work on himself because he is using porn as a distraction from his problems. From his own insecurities and hard childhood. I refuse to do the emotional work for him, to do the emotional lifting for both of us.

I sobbed and cried in agony last night, I couldnt sleep and we talked. He was vulnerable and shared a lot. More than he ever has bfore. He opened up about his self hatred. He admitted that he's never had sex with anyone but me, that I was his first.

Today, in anger and hurt, I removed all of our wedding portraits, our prom photo, our trips, group photos, even pictures of myself. We are still in our first apartment after our wedding, so I had photos of our wedding all over. Theyre in bags by his side of the bed.

I even put my jewelry he has gifted over the years in a box on his nightstand. I cant stomach looking at any of it right now, let alone wearing any if it. Im wearing the ring my dad gifted me instead.

I wish I was more angry. I wish i yelled at him more. I wish he didn't hate himself the way he does. I wish he werent a hypocrite. I wish i didnt fawn and try to comfort him so much. I feel so stupid.

He supported me through my own substance use problems. But this feels like a greater betrayal because he chose to seek satisfaction through porn than invest more in our relationship. In me...

He scheduled a therapy session and is going to a SAA or similar group tonight. Ironically, it was around this time 9 years ago I found out about the cheating. Practically to the day. And, again, we have to see his family and pretend everything is okay. His birthday is coming up, too... the kicker? "Its nothing you did." "There is nothing you did wrong, this was my mistake." Identical to when I found out about the cheating.

I have no one other than my own therapist to talk to about this.. and im scared of being judged for wanting to believe in him...

I'm feeling completely shattered and like a shell of myself but basically here's the whole story

My (21f) partner (23m) and I have been together about 6 months but have known each other long term before we started dating.

From Day 1 I was clear that I didnt want my partner to watch porn or look at similar content. He said that he doesn't anyway and isn't worried. He has OCD and that effects how he feels about sex and he doesn't really have a high sex drive.

Then on Saturday night I was on his phone just to look at Instagram and was gonna search something up and noticed 4 accounts of girls that all looked sexual. I asked him about it basically right away. He took his phone back and deleted 2 of them but I had already seen all 4. He claimed at first that he didnt get rid of anything but eventually that night admitted he deleted 1, who he said was a girl from hs and that a different friend had mentioned how different she was now so he had looked her up to see.

He said one of the girls was from a reel and he just wanted to know who she was. and another girl was someone his friend was into that he had looked up.

On Monday we talked again and he was very apologetic about it all but still denied that he was seeking anything like that out or watching anything like that. I didn't pry for morw details about the specific accounts at this point

Tuesday we talked again and I grilled him about the fact that he had obviously lied about why the profiles were there and after an hour basically admitted everything I know so far.

For atleast the last 2.5 months he has been seeking out sexual content. All the accounts I found on Saturday were from his own searching. He mostly looked pictures of girls with big chests and that type of thing. He said it was on like Instagram, snapchat, and generally google.

I feel so totally betrayed. He lied about it for months to my face and only admitted it when I caught him in another lie. He said it was like an addiction and he was ashamed to tell me.

I am so hurt and insecure about myself now I don't even know what to do.

I don't look like those girls he was looking at.

He said he'll go back to therapy and ensure it doesn't happen again.

I just feel like I have no way to trust him. He would have kept lying unless I caught him.

I want to be able to fix things and trust him again but maybe it's not possible anymore.

I posted about my situation for the first time yesterday. I’ve known about my husband’s PA for 11 years, but haven’t allowed myself to truly see the damage it’s caused until a few days ago.

My first marriage was abusive in all the ways. It taught me to be small and keep the peace at all costs in order to keep myself safe. Even though my current husband is gentle, loving and would NEVER overtly abuse me, I brought my trauma mind with me into this marriage as well. With every instance of discovery and every failed attempt at intimacy, I muted and shrunk myself down further. Looking back, I now see that I abandoned myself completely about 6 years ago.

I no longer recognize the woman I was before my first marriage. The realization of my complete self-abandonment has honestly been traumatic for me—I have all the PTSD symptoms right now. I know that the behavior of my PA is what landed me here, but honestly—it feels like I’ve exacerbated my own C-PTSD because I’ve known what was going on the whole time… I’ve just been gaslighting and blaming myself into non-existence.

I’m just trying to muster enough energy and self-love to start taking care of myself again. I haven’t done so in many years. I’m disabled, so I rarely leave the house. I have no routine or consistent self-care rituals. I’m completely overwhelmed and stuck in a freeze state.

I reached out to a CSAT today and have been doing a ton of research. That’s all I’ve got in me right now. I’m not focusing on my husband AT ALL. I need space and time to return to myself before I can even think about his BS.

Can any of you relate to the feeling that you’ve inadvertently abused yourself by unconsciously suppressing your pain?

This is such a strange concept, but it’s totally how I’m feeling and it SUCKS.

For those of you on the other side—what were some of the first things you did to take care of yourself that really had a positive emotional impact?

(Please keep in mind that my base level is LOW right now. I’m starting from literally nothing.)

D-day was years ago. We tried. I tried so hard, but it eventually became clear he would never stop, the lies and the manipulation just kept growing until they became bigger than the relationship itself. I can’t leave right now , for a multitude of reasons, including the fact that some part of me doesn’t even want to, I’m so deep in the abuse cycle that it’s the only thing I know. I want to want to leave, if that makes sense, that’s the closest I can get to it most days

I know he’s already gone in his head. He keeps saving things, links and names, and I know it’s so he can go back to it once I’m not around anymore, and by god that hurts

I have a parental control app on his phone, I told him it’s so I can feel safe, and that I don’t even check it anymore. That’s not true, I check it compulsively, over and over, and I hate myself for it every single time

I’m at the lowest point I’ve ever been, no friends, no hobbies, I cry in the shower and have panic attacks I try my best to hide from him because I’m scared if he sees it or hears it he’s gonna get fed up, the app gets removed, or I get removed. And I have nowhere else to go

I don’t want to leave the house, I don’t want to do anything, I don’t know how to climb out of a hole that gets deeper every day, I either sleep too much or not at all, I eat like cr4p, I try to numb myself most of the time because I can’t be alone with my thoughts without feeling like throwing up

I know therapy would help, but I don’t have access to it right now

If you made it through this whole thing please just say “hi, I read it.” I just need to know someone out there knows how much I’m hurting, I desperately need to feel witnessed

Eu sei que eu não deveria atribuir meu valor as recaídas dele, mas não consigo evitar de me sentir tão descartável. Me sinto um prêmio de consolação pra um homem que precisa se controlar para não ir atrás de ver outras mulheres peladas.

Ele diz que é só estímulo. Que não é real. Que nunca me comparou. Que nunca me trocaria. Mesmo que seja verdade, do que adianta? Do que adianta eu estar doando tudo de mim pra um homem que mal consegue controlar o próprio pinto?

eu me sinto tão descartável perto daquelas mulheres. Como se elas fossem o suficiente para fazer ele esquecer tudo que conversamos e todo o progresso dele por três minutos vendo uma bunda na tela dele. Eu começo a duvidar do meu próprio valor. Se estou exagerando. Começo a eu mesma sexualizar outras mulheres imaginando que talvez ele se atraia por ela.

eu choro todo santo dia. Todo. Dia. mais de oito meses. Eu tento me afastar fisicamente da imagem delas, me tornando o oposto pois a imagem delas me dá nojo. Mas percebi que eu mesmo não consigo parar de olhar para elas imaginando o que ele sente. É torturante.

A month or so ago he wrote in his recovery journal he was lusting over other women due to a "fear of missing out"

Then a few weeks later, he's admitted to acting out by masturbating to pictures of other women online.

Then about 2 weeks ago he said his temptation to cheat is higher when he fight.

Then last week I found a bottle of libido pills which he first said was for more energy, then he said is so he can last longer in bed with me.

Just recently had a nightmare of him cheating on me, due to my fear of him cheating

Last night we went to bible study and he was micro-flirting and possessive over a married woman across from us, who he says has given him "lustful eyes" but continues to smile at and hyperfocus on.

I couldn't sleep last night and threw up this morning. How can he do this to me. I'm so scared of the stress is doing to my unborn baby

God, please intervene

He lied to me for 10 months. I feel so broken. My life’s been a lie. Like a fool I believed him I can’t believe I believed him. He told me the last time was in February. I would ask to check his sobriety chart and he’d show me an app he doesn’t use anymore. He’s been actively lying to me. Everyday. Everyday making choices to lie to me. Why me. What is it about me that makes him want to do this to me. I feel so so so broken. I don’t know why I didn’t press more. I would cry that we don’t have sex anymore, and I thought it’s because of his sobriety. He would lie and say bc he’s been sober so long he’s not horny anymore. He was lying. Every time he was lying. I feel so sick. For 10 months. My god. We live together. I feel so foolish. I wish I didn’t make it so easy. I feel so worthless.

Have any of you tried EMDR for betrayal trauma and rewiring the mind for healthy love and sex?

I am curious to hear personal stories and experiences with this. I have been dipping my toes in via an app but am considering possibly doing it with a therapist if it will be effective.

I realize that betrayal trauma has caused my mind to become rather masochistic when I am turned on. I am not in a relationship now, but when I allow my mind to fantasize, the thoughts go from beautiful to broken often - and I have no doubt it is because of the horrendous experiences I have had with betrayal and partner’s porn usage/sex addictions.

I recently listened to the episode of “This Past Weekend With Theo Von” where he talks with porn recovery coach, Steven Volt. It was so insightful from the porn addict’s perspective and shared resources for them. I left that episode feeling more like this is really not a “me” problem. There’s nothing I can do that I haven’t done already to help my partner. The feelings come in waves, but I really got some helpful information from this podcast and wanted to share here 💗

Has anyone who left, but currently still lives in the home where it happened, found redecorating the space helpful in healing and reclaiming yourself?

I find the shared things and things we bought together to be emotionally triggering, but I can’t afford to start completely over, especially with furniture. I started taking wall art of his down (this is very recent and he is still in the process of packing and collecting his items) and things we had to compromise on. I started putting up more “girly” things I owned in my previous apartment.

What about things like rearranging furniture? Does that seem like a ridiculous coping mechanism? Is this all just an attempt to heal faster but in an unhealthy way?

I have half a year left on the lease, so there is time to make some changes.

Thoughts? Advice? Budget is limited but I could afford a new comforter, and other small things like that.

For a long time it felt like we were running in circles. Stuck in this cycle. Me catching him, expressing my pain, him feeling bad and stopping for a bit, me starting to feel better, then catching him relapsing and repeating this over and over. The change in behavior was admittedly slow in the start of our relationship. But I think it wasn’t until recently he genuinely wanted to change. And that’s the key part of recovery, in any relationship poisoned by addiction: YOU CANNOT FORCE RECOVERY. They have to want it.

When he made the decision to change, there were still relapses and the occasional issue. But it got better. We started therapy. His walls came down. We are now closer and happier than ever. I could have never imagined all the pain and turmoil I was experiencing would turn around and become a beautiful well functioning relationship. But we both had to make hard choices. I had to choose to stand by him through this, and on some level suffer to try to keep us together. And he had to choose to turn away from a life long habit and force himself to open up to uncomfortable experiences.

Once I started looking at it like an addiction and not a personal attack, it became easier for me to manage my feelings around it. Getting him help and resources instead of just crying “why don’t you like me”. But even getting him that help would have meant nothing if he wasn’t willing to fix it. A mindset shift can help a lot but you can only do so much. I share my story to encourage some of you that there is a possibility for a better future. But I don’t want people to use my experience as motivation to stay in a bad situation. Recognizing whether or not your relationship is savable is difficult, and not fun, but it’s 100% necessary. Weigh your options, and decide if the cost is worth it to you. Will your partner do what’s needed to keep you? And are you willing to tolerate a life of what ifs and insecurity?

There IS hope! But don’t kill yourself clinging to it. I love you guys and am so grateful for all the support of you kind strangers. If you have any questions for me feel free to ask :)

Hello everyone,

Me(22f) and my boyfriend (24m) have been together for six years. We basically grew up together.

Throughout our relationship he would admit that he watches porn, and at first I would ask him to stop. After a while I would freak out when I found out that he was lying and still watching.

I thought he stopped watching porn.

Well, about a month ago, I got this bad feeling that something is up. I decided to check his computer, and I couldn't find anything. Then I decided to go look what he is talking to chat gpt about and oh boy.

My whole relationship is a lie. He was not who I thought he was.

He has been watching porn this whole time, not just the "normal stuff"...but it would get worse and worse.

He would constantly check out other women, turn his head, fantasize about them, make up scenarios in his head......he would even get fixated on his coworkers and fantasize about them, about my friends as well.

There was a period when he got so fixated on this girl because she showed interest in him, that he would often imagine her instead of me. For instance what he talked about with chat is that when we went to a museum, he would fantasize how much better it would be if she was here with him and so on....

I found out a lot of his secrets, he has been trying to be transparent and truthful, but still fails to live up to it completly, often lying in my face.

Yesterday he told me that the reason he always checks out other women could be that he doesn't find me *that* attractive. He compares me to them. He finds me pretty, but finds other women much more attractive and interesting. Even the ones who don't have "better" atributes than me, he finds them more attractive because they are not me, they are something new.

I must say, as far as I know he hasn't watched porn or pictures of other women for at least a month and a half, but struggles with checking out women and intrusive fantasies.

I don't know what to fucking do, he broke me.

Please help guys

Has anyone else seen or heard the video of Howie Mandel's recent podcast in which he describes getting "$25 tuggies" (his words, not mine) in front of his adult daughter? Then when the other girl asks if this is cheating on his wife of 48 FREAKING YEARS, and his daughter asks if Mom would be upset, he says, "you can call her."

As a millennial, I grew up watching Bobby's World and movies like Little Monsters, I liked Howie. The older I get the less faith I have in men. I feel like they're all scum, some just hide it longer than others. As silly as it sounds, I've been in a state of hopelessness ever since. I feel dumb for ever even believing in real love.

I hadn't snooped in years.

He keeps his phone locked 99% of the time, but every once in a while he will "screw up" and accidentally leave it unlocked. Several such times over this past year, I've just picked it up and locked it.

I've been operating under the attitude of knowing that he still does it, but being able to pretend things are alright if I just feign ignorance.

Last night he was out for a walk with our daughter while I was cooking him dinner. Not for everyone (kids already ate), HIM, and I heard an alarm going off on his phone from our bedroom. When I went to turn it off I impulsively broke my own rule. We hadn't had sex in a month and he really seemed to struggle through the last couple times we had.

I wish I could bleach my brain. Not only was it all there, hundreds of tabs like there have been any other time I've looked in the past, but what I saw was a clear escalation to something incredibly disturbing/disgusting. Nothing illegal or predatory, but fucking bizarre and gross and completely indicative of this actually being an addiction, something he denies.

I don't think I/we can come back from this. I feel tired and defeated. I don't even think I'm afraid of being alone for the rest of my life anymore.

Pretty much the title. Just a venting post tbf.

After D-day I feel so disconnected from the act. I’m hyper aware of being perceived. What I’m compared to.

Thinking of sex is triggering to me, leads me wondering if the whole basis of it, for him, is based off that visual imagery.
Post D-day I started being hyper aware of his gestures and noticed his lack of eye contact. He confessed to me that the reason for this is because he apparently imagines be « more visually stimulating ».
I’m a big overthinker, but it’s so sad when those thoughts pertain to reality and get to be proved right. I wish I were enough.

Sucks because I found sex to be a bonding, pleasurable moment, for both emotional and physical purposes, since my libido has always been high. Nowadays I need to detach myself from him and the act itself to climax. I don’t think it’s healthy.

I know I’ve had self esteem issues in the past and it’s silly to have relied on my partner in a way for it, but it took huge amounts of vulnerability to be in this state with him, knowing it isn’t enough is crushing. I am just looking and wondering what & how to change to be enough. I’m spiraling and I’m lost.

Has this rewired me? Or is it because I’m disconnected to my partner? I’m so lost…

It’s so lonely because I can’t even discuss this with my partner whom I consider to be my best friend, because it triggers him.

Thanks for reading. Advice is welcome.

I recently made a post about my boyfriend refusing to let me look through his phone after I discovered that he was saving porn and photos of other women on Reddit. A lot has happened since then. I ended up looking through his phone again, and I found much, much more explicit content than I initially knew about. There were disgusting porn videos and both sexual and non-sexual pictures of women saved throughout his camera roll, and his search history showed that he was looking at this stuff content extremely frequently, every day or every other day. He then admitted to me that he considers himself addicted to pornography.
This is particularly upsetting because during our previous conversations about this, he explicitly told me that he was NOT addicted and that he did NOT look at it every day. He also initially lied about how he accessed some of the content, telling me that he came across it accidentally, before later admitting that he intentionally accessed it. He also blatantly lied to me about being subscribed to Onlyfans.

I then discovered screenshots that showed that he had been video chatting with a naked woman while I was away at work. He tried to lie to me about this at first by saying it happened on a day that was really tough for us, but I went back to our messages and we were actually doing pretty decent that day. I do not know who this woman is or how they met. At first he told me he met her through Chaturbate and was communicating with her there, and I don’t actually know too much about Chaturbate or the user interface, but the explanation doesn't make sense based on what I actually saw. It appeared to be a two-way video call through something more like a phone or video messaging app versus a camming site. He also contacted this same woman ON THE SAME DAY that I first discovered the explicit content on his phone. I found out about the explicit content around midnight, and I later found evidence that he video-called this woman that afternoon. I still don't know what exactly happened between them or who she is. When I ask about the conversations that they had, my boyfriend tells me that they were plain, they just asked each other about their day, then he stopped talking to her because she asked him for money.

Throughout all of this, he has repeatedly told me that his phone is extremely private, that a phone is like someone's journal, and that he has a moral principle against allowing me to look through it. But I also found out that he has gone through MY personal locked diary multiple times. He even took pictures of my pages. So now I obviously feel incredibly hurt and disgusted, because he has been using privacy as this moral principle that I supposedly violated, while he was secretly violating my own privacy. Now we're at the point where he says he wants a “fresh start.” The problem is that I don't feel like I can just erase everything that happened and start over. He has two other phones that he refuses to show me. He also refuses to let me watch him delete the explicit content from his main phone. Whenever I ask for transparency about what has happened or ask to see the phones, he gets extremely upset and says he doesn't want to go through what we went through the other night.

For context, our last confrontation went on until around 8 AM. We were both crying, extremely distressed, and at one point we were physically struggling over his phone. I understand why he doesn't want to repeat that experience. But when I tell him that I need transparency about what has happened before I can give him a genuine fresh start, he offers me nothing in return and continues to stand on his point of not wanting to experience anything like the other night again. I feel like he is basically telling me that he would rather break up than let me see his phones. I understand that people have a right to privacy in relationships. But what he is doing is being secretive about his wrongdoings. How am I supposed to make a decision about whether I want to continue this relationship when so many things have already turned out to be lies, and he is still refusing to tell me what else there is?

I need the truth because I have repeatedly discovered that what he told me was not the truth. He says he wants a fresh start, but to me, a fresh start requires accountability and honesty about what happened before the fresh start, right? I honestly feel like I'm losing perspective because I've been questioning myself and feeling awful so much throughout this.

If you made it through the novel I wrote a couple of months back, I’m here to update. And also ask for advice from those who are farther along in the process. A LOT has happened and changed. My husband has been consistently in therapy and also doing mindful work. He is on medication for his depression and he has been actively trying to fix it. But…. Things have been ROUGH. We’ve had to really have some hard talks and I honestly thought we were irreparable. Our main issues were that he used these cam sites to numb his depression. While using me as his emotional punching bag. And when I found out the extent of what he was doing (we’ve always been very open about our sexual activity. And yes had used porn and even more in our relationship) but to find out he was hiding this from me for so damn long was painful. It brought up a lot of insecurity in our marriage. Like I felt like we had one marriage and I was wrong. But it also forced me to see the cracks that I was choosing to ignore. Like me walking on eggshells because his volatile behavior would cause me to shut down because I have PTSD from childhood trauma. So I would disconnect when he would show any high emotions. Which in turn made him feel alone and it became a cycle. He pops off..I shut down. He feels alone. Pops off. I shut down. (None of this was physical just heightened).
I had to finally tell him that his depression(that I as a co-dependent personality) wasn’t mine to fix and his emotions aren’t mine to regulate. But what I need is him to understand that his feelings led to deception and actions. And I am confronting the actions. Not the feelings.
Fast forward to a couple of Saturdays ago. I explained that I HAD to have room in our relationship for my feelings. Without worrying about how my pain would affect him. That I’m not ok and I’m asking for him to be understanding that there are days that I’m not ok and I can’t be the one to take care of his feelings. I need from him to be able to say he understands and he’s here to support me. The VERY next day and TW for those with abuse triggers…. I was not ok. So I wandered off and was way in my own head. He and our friends came to where I was and he said he was scared of what I was doing (he couldn’t find me. I was totally safe) and I told him I was fine. Just needed to get away for a bit. He had been asking me all day “are we ok? Are you ok to be with me?” And the pressure was way too much. I needed space. I guess I was flippant about it. Mostly because our friends were with us and I don’t like to make a scene. He LOST IT. Began raging. Took a paddle board paddle and went to slam it on the side of our boat and in the process hit me in the face with the other end. His back was to me and he broke it in half. That’s how hard it was. I immediately fell to ground with blood pouring from my lip. It busted it in two places. My friend screamed at him and he saw what he did. I flipped out. PTSD was activated and was hysterical. We got home. I demanded he leave our house. I was hysterical for hours. He went to a hotel. When he came home the next day I told him i understood that it was not intentional. He had told our son it was an accident and that really rocked me. I knew it wasn’t intentional but it wasn’t an accident. My face got hit because of his rage. He couldn’t control himself and I was injured. That is no accident. I told him to pack his bags and find an Airbnb for a month. And he did. We’ve spent the last 10 days living separately but also coming together to talk and see what’s going on. In the process his actions have not been focused on. He spends most of his time working on his inside stuff and I spend most of my time working on trying to work through his actions. I do check his computer (his desktop is linked to his devices) and when I see something I will ask. So far I’ve not found any other things (well I found DuckDuckGo and asked him about that and he said he uses it to test codes. He is a cyber security expert as his career so honestly I could never “detective” enough for his skills. )I was at his Airbnb last weekend and I looked at his iPad. Didn’t find anything and asked him if he has used porn/cam since he’s been at the condo because he said he used it to numb his stress and him living away is extremely stressful. He began to cry and say that I’m never going to trust him. That he’s a pos and he gets emotional because he feels so guilty and shameful. When he cried I shut down. It made me feel once again that I never got the full story. He doesn’t get as emotional when I tell him how bad his emotional dumping and hitting me with a paddle messed me up. So my mind just goes into “what the hell is making him feel so damn guilty?” When he was first found out, he immediately deleted everything. So I never got the chance to really see all that was going on. So of course I’m left with questions. And his reaction to me asking triggers me. We talked the next day. He said he hasn’t used. And feels guilty if he even sees a girl on a movie. That he’s trying to be perfect and he is scared if he’s not that I’m not going to want to stay. I don’t need perfection. I need transparency and honesty and accountability. And to see him doing the work. I feel like he’s really doing the work to mend himself which will mend us. But I don’t feel like I can feel safe until I can feel like he’s really working on mending his actions. ie he can discuss his porn etc without falling apart. It’s a rough road. He’s going to continue to stay at the condo. And I’m at home. And he has stayed here a couple of nights. And I spent one night there. But we really need this space. I’ll continue to look at his stuff. Maybe just because if I don’t find anything I can rest my brain. Even knowing that he can hide stuff better than anyone because of the nature of his skills. But honestly I’m still waiting for him to come clean and say it was worse than he admitted to. Thanks for letting me vent. I know it’s a lot but if any of you have experienced your spouse using it to numb depression, I would love some insight!

Husband was staring at his phone on the couch next to me while I held the baby with an obvious boner. Checked what he was looking at and he was zoned in on the tiny profile picture of a woman with her boobs out in a bikini for several minutes. Of course I was gaslit about how no men totally get random boners and uh he wasn't even looking the baby must've touched the phone (you have NEVER gotten one in like 5 years, sure, and the baby was with me...)

And when you google "husband got boner looking at other woman in front of me" everyone tells you nono it's a natural reaction, it's fine, you can't expect him not to lust

Well, I'm expected to have sex with him at some point in this relationship, and isn't that just being a cuck?

I know nipples getting hard doesn't actually mean what their porn brains think it means but imagine it did and I walked around with rock hard nips every time I saw a hot young stud. Am I supposed to delude myself into thinking that he would be okay with that? that society would tell him to be okay with that?

It's so unfair.

i asked a guy if he watches porn and he said yes a couple times a week and said he stops when he is in a relationship. I’ve been with 2 porn addicts who said they would stop when we started our relationship. I’m not sure if I should believe. Do you trust or do you have a boundary around it now?