Found out my bf looks at porn
I'm feeling completely shattered and like a shell of myself but basically here's the whole story
My (21f) partner (23m) and I have been together about 6 months but have known each other long term before we started dating.
From Day 1 I was clear that I didnt want my partner to watch porn or look at similar content. He said that he doesn't anyway and isn't worried. He has OCD and that effects how he feels about sex and he doesn't really have a high sex drive.
Then on Saturday night I was on his phone just to look at Instagram and was gonna search something up and noticed 4 accounts of girls that all looked sexual. I asked him about it basically right away. He took his phone back and deleted 2 of them but I had already seen all 4. He claimed at first that he didnt get rid of anything but eventually that night admitted he deleted 1, who he said was a girl from hs and that a different friend had mentioned how different she was now so he had looked her up to see.
He said one of the girls was from a reel and he just wanted to know who she was. and another girl was someone his friend was into that he had looked up.
On Monday we talked again and he was very apologetic about it all but still denied that he was seeking anything like that out or watching anything like that. I didn't pry for morw details about the specific accounts at this point
Tuesday we talked again and I grilled him about the fact that he had obviously lied about why the profiles were there and after an hour basically admitted everything I know so far.
For atleast the last 2.5 months he has been seeking out sexual content. All the accounts I found on Saturday were from his own searching. He mostly looked pictures of girls with big chests and that type of thing. He said it was on like Instagram, snapchat, and generally google.
I feel so totally betrayed. He lied about it for months to my face and only admitted it when I caught him in another lie. He said it was like an addiction and he was ashamed to tell me.
I am so hurt and insecure about myself now I don't even know what to do.
I don't look like those girls he was looking at.
He said he'll go back to therapy and ensure it doesn't happen again.
I just feel like I have no way to trust him. He would have kept lying unless I caught him.
I want to be able to fix things and trust him again but maybe it's not possible anymore.