Does anyone else feel somewhat sex repulsed after finding out?
Pretty much the title. Just a venting post tbf.
After D-day I feel so disconnected from the act. I’m hyper aware of being perceived. What I’m compared to.
Thinking of sex is triggering to me, leads me wondering if the whole basis of it, for him, is based off that visual imagery.
Post D-day I started being hyper aware of his gestures and noticed his lack of eye contact. He confessed to me that the reason for this is because he apparently imagines be « more visually stimulating ».
I’m a big overthinker, but it’s so sad when those thoughts pertain to reality and get to be proved right. I wish I were enough.
Sucks because I found sex to be a bonding, pleasurable moment, for both emotional and physical purposes, since my libido has always been high. Nowadays I need to detach myself from him and the act itself to climax. I don’t think it’s healthy.
I know I’ve had self esteem issues in the past and it’s silly to have relied on my partner in a way for it, but it took huge amounts of vulnerability to be in this state with him, knowing it isn’t enough is crushing. I am just looking and wondering what & how to change to be enough. I’m spiraling and I’m lost.
Has this rewired me? Or is it because I’m disconnected to my partner? I’m so lost…
It’s so lonely because I can’t even discuss this with my partner whom I consider to be my best friend, because it triggers him.
Thanks for reading. Advice is welcome.