My husband has ED and hasn't touched me in almost 3 years. I don't know what to do anymore. Has anyone experienced this?
My husband has ED and hasn't touched me in almost 3 years. I don't know what to do anymore. Has anyone experienced this?
My husband and I haven't had sexual intimacy for almost three years. Around the time it stopped, he told me that he had erectile dysfunction. Since then, he has basically stopped initiating any kind of physical intimacy with me.
It isn't only sex. We barely kiss or have intimate physical affection anymore. He has told me before that, for him, kissing will eventually lead to sex, so he would rather avoid it altogether.
I tried initiating before, but he immediately got angry. Because of that, I'm now afraid and embarrassed to make the first move. Whenever the topic somehow comes up, I end up feeling like I'm being too sexual or "lustful" just because I still want intimacy with my husband.
What confuses and hurts me even more is that I've occasionally caught him watching porn or looking at sexy women on his phone. I understand that having ED doesn't necessarily mean a man loses his sexual desire, but emotionally, it's difficult not to wonder: if he can still feel sexual interest, why does he want absolutely nothing physical with me?
I've tried understanding that ED may make him embarrassed, anxious, or afraid of not being able to perform. I don't want to pressure him into sex, and I would never want him to do something he doesn't want to do. But he also doesn't seem interested in getting help, addressing the ED, or even talking about how the lack of intimacy is affecting our marriage.
Our everyday life has become very routine. He works, spends a lot of his free time watching things on his phone/device, sleeps, and then another day comes. We also sleep in separate rooms because I sleep with our son.
This has started affecting me mentally and emotionally. It's especially difficult around ovulation because my sex drive becomes much stronger. Sometimes I watch porn myself because I'm sexually frustrated, but what I actually miss isn't just sexual release. I miss feeling wanted by my husband. I miss being touched, kissed, and feeling like we're a couple instead of just going through everyday life together.
After almost three years, I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I can't force him to want intimacy, but I also don't know how long I can keep pretending that having no physical relationship doesn't hurt me.
For women who have experienced something similar with a husband or long-term partner with ED: Did your partner also completely withdraw from physical intimacy? Did things ever get better? How did you cope when your partner didn't want to talk about it or seek help? And at what point did you decide what you could or couldn't continue living with?