u/Weekly-Reply-6739

Note : for TLDR version skip to TLDR

Header : So my post is going to broken up into different paths as I see what the people on here think, as unfortunately I feel like my situation is rather unique and will require considering more unique options.

Trigger warnings :

1. topics of quality and type of relationship may have some people feeling judged, but this isnt about you or aimed at you, as such if you feel this topic may upset you, I suggest you skip.

2. languge that may sound like braggin (I am not bragging, but often when I am giving context of my life and problems, some people my get offended and see it as such, so please consider its setting the context and not bragging, if this feels like it may upset you, skip)

3. harrasment/donestic abuse

4. sex related talk

....

So I am at a point in life where I am 26, have my life in a peaceful and stable rate essentially all the time, so much so that I have taken on bulding a community enhancement non-profit. Yeah I dont have alot of money (less than most, but I dont care about money unless I have a reason to) But despite all that dating for me feels nearly impossible.

It isnt because I am unattractive or have a bad personality... my issue is I have standard and want a different type of relationship than most people are seeking or seem ready for. I want a relationship that isn't transactional or based on sex. I want that real love type of relationship that nobody seems to want these days... the type where both parties are independent of eachother, don't need eachother, yet choose to be with eachother out of sheer choice, shared adventure, and a desire to create more. A relationship without power dynamics, where both parties are able to validate themselves, their emotions, and think freely without eachother. A relationship with no leader, or follower, but just two self lead people choosing to share the adventure together.

Unfortunately wanting something like that has me having what feels like zero options, as nobody puts in any mutual effort unless I "charm" them, and charming them makes it inherently transactional and makes a power dynamic, which is not my goal.

I also dont want to do a sex only relationship that evolves as unfortunately in my past that has lead to domestic abuse towards me as people grow addicted and treat me like a need, and that idea kinda scares me again, as frankly I am sick of being stalked and harrased (the drama is exausting)

So I am trying to figure out what can I do to find other people who are both single (preferably) and may be of the qulity and style of relationship I am seeking. I also dont want to endless do the whole dating chase thing as its too much work for a very likely dud, especially when I have a life to live and enjoy.

Edit : note, I am not the type to be endlessly social or always in peoples faces or business. As such outside of intentional interactions or business I tend to not engage much with people I dont enjoy being around or know. As such advice to just be arounded people will likely not do much for me on its own. So I would appreciate actionable meathods.

Edit 2 : adding to include that attracting people is not my focus, as thats easy. I am focused on where the people may be at so I can find them

.....

TLDR

Looking for advice on finding specific people of a quality and relationship style that fits the following :

1. no leader or follower dynamic, or other power dynamics

2. independent of eachother emotionally, physically, and thoght wise

3. does not want a transactional or sex only relationship

4. someone who wants to create and share adventures/projects

5. I do not want to have to endlessly chase for random chances, so looking for effective methods.

6. does not cost alot of money (no matchmaking services, as screw $25,000 for 8 months of gambling

7 ) Edit : a meathod that doesnt require me to just be around random people without intent or purpose. I prefer more direct meathods.

8. Edit 2 : adding to include that attracting people is not my focus, as thats easy. I am focused on where the people may be at so I can find them

Hey I am seeking help finding part time work to help me support a project I am working on, and need the side money so I can keep my efforts off of basic needs.

Not looking for a huge amount of hours, but may be open to larger hour frames when my project has slow times.

I have various skills and experiences from fashion, design, cleaning, basic woodworking, cooking, childcare, business opperations, management, POS systems, customer relations, astrology, non-official therapist, life coaching, tutoring, and probably some others that I cant think of off the top of my head.

I live in the area, and would like any leads/offers or suggestions available.

Pay doesnt have to be super high, so long as the scheduling flexibility is available. Additionally ideally would be an indoor job, but I am open to considering outdoor work as well.

Edit: note, I do not have a car for deliveries or long distance, but do have a bike

White : Order/Harmony

Bonus if you explain why

Looking for an alternative sub that does the same thing as R4R but isnt R4R.

Have any good suggestions or ideas?

Some of is can afford or have access to dentists so wanting some advice or understanding for how to handle situations would be nice. Unfortunately alot are "gatekeeping" anything potentially medical in nature, causing some people to have to go to a dental school just to learn how to care for their teeth or handle emergencies that non-dentists wont touch (such as a chipped tooth, the fuck am I supposed to do if the hospitals tell me they cant help me, and no dentist will accept me)

Looking for an alternative sub that does the same thing as R4R but isnt R4R.

Have any good suggestions or ideas?

Me

1. oh a pet gnat, I will name her gnataly

2. there is no way this game is to scale, as if thats 1 cm, this grass needs to be cut

3. go figure, I am the only one to get the spear power up, and I am the black character, how cliché

4. F%@$ it, we ball (proceeds to throw 20 hammers at a lady bug)

5. weevle chu chu chu chu, weevle weevle chu chu chu chu (beatboxing)

6. waters blue, juice is yellow, and soda is.... neon glowing blueprint color? Wonder what flavor it is?

7. meet me at the shirnky dink machine (the size machine near spawn)

8. tactical suicide incoming!!! (Resetting my characters hunger and thirst for free)

9. that little bastard is stealing from us (me killing an ant who looked like it was stealing)

10. don't be so pessimistic, we can figure it out, besides whats the fun if it we dont have a challnge to overcome.

.....

My friend

1. stop fucking with the ants (him to me every time I attacked a random ant walking past our house)

2. haha, you cant get _ OH FUCK (taunting a wolf spider who jumped onto a lilly pad after staring us down for 10 seconds)

3. this difficulty is impossible, its not the enemies, its needing to drink water 6 times a day. (We hitting the whoa!)

4. allie hoops is a pretty fire name not going to lie

5. I shall name mine greg, just greg (me asking what he will name his pet gnat)

6. we would never have figured this out on our own (my responses is my number 10)

7. your the archer, and you keep missing, its not that hard, watch, see first try (him critiquing me for missing the bee 40 times in a row, but then for him to hit the bee once on his first try and then also proceed to miss endlessly)

8. I did a good job making our cozy chill spot

9. oh great, your doing another side quest (at me every time I explore or do a side thing amid our purpose bound expedition)

10. yeah it makes sense there mad at us, we keep killing their babies (towards me for commening on us pissing off the orbweavers)

......

Now give is a character each and your whys?

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Trying to do some digital art for my organization, and like every time I try to do any 2D art my arms feel stiff, like they need to punch something or be punched to loosen up (think of meat that needs tenderising)

Any advice to deal with this frustrating feeling beyond breaking my arm (sarcasm), as unfortunately I need to do this art crap and dont have any alternative means or help at the moment, so I need to power throgh.

That and it would be nice to not feel stiff while trying to do this stuff. (Also I do acknowledge it could also be a me issue, but I am asking in case others have experienced this and overcame it)

I am asking this as a few poeple on this sub recommended I focus on my interests in other things when my goal is a genuine connection with someone (as opposed to using someone, looking good, or showing off)

Ultimately I dont see the point of even engaging with others of the goal is to focus on myself and avoid joint interaction, so this makes me wonder, what does this advice mean? Why should I focus on my solo interests when talking to someone when the goal is to be create and see if there is a dynamic beyond me doing everything or just using them for my own ends or goals.

What am I missing hear, and how does focusing on only your self bring people together and why does focusing on a dynamic or both of you seem to be the "wrong play"