r/socialskills

m in college and I barely have any friends. I don’t have anyone calling me, texting me, or anything. Everyone around me has so many friends. The friends that I do have are all much closer with each other, while I just can’t get close. I have social anxiety and terrible social skills and am quiet. When I do try to put myself out there and talk people just look at me like I’m crazy cause I never say the right thing. I don’t even know what to do. My friends can become close with anyone in just a month but even after years I just can’t close to people. I such at talking and conversing and no one tries to talk to me. My friends always talk to each other and are so close. I always find out what’s going on at the last minute. Everyone has their own inside jokes and stuff that I’m not part of. Everyone I come across just does not like me like I’m so off putting. My social skills are so bad that I just never know what to say like I can’t think of anything. I wanted to make a lot of friends and have fun in college but it’s just not happening. My personality is so bad too and unlikeable. Also I’m into a guy who doesn’t even want me cause I’m ugly too. Being ugly is ruining my life. No guy wants me because of my looks. I just hate everything about me. I don’t know how to change this. I already feel like it’s too late to make friends in college but I still have a little hope left. What can I do to change??

What do you think about this?

I (22m) need help.

I am more fucking worried and frustrated about my mother's worrying about me than I am working in a hurricane.

For context I work in a mental health hospital in central Mississippi, and we have a hurricane on the way. The basics are that I would be working from 5 am to 5pm starting Thursday if the lockdown were to be called.

We were notified a week in advance but they are doubling up on it now. However, the constant and incessant worrying and badgering of my mother is more distressing than any category of hurricane because it's just fucking constant.

The second that I let her know, I get nine text messages at 10 in the morning that come across as if she is blaming me for the fucking hurricane, telling me "You are NOT working."

Even though I have zero input on whether or not I was working, she is trying to dictate how and when I will work. When I told her the storm is unlikely to even become a hurricane, she said:

"Boy, you are supposed to know better than to try to talk to me about storms. I'm older than you, I'm smarter than you, I am your parent. I don't care what you think, I KNOW what will happen. It's bad. It's gonna be bad. I already know it's bad. It's gonna destroy everything. It's bad."

When I brought up to her how the facility was finished 3 years ago and is arguably the most durable thing in the entire city, even more than some skyscrapers, she told me I was being disrespectful.

She is constantly texting repeatedly about how worried she is, and when I tried to tell her that everything would be ok, she said

"OH SURE CHILD, IT WILL ALL BE FINE. MISTER STORM EXPERT OVER HERE SAYS ITS GONNA BE KUMBAYA."

I eventually managed to kind of calm her down, but I am exhausted by constantly being in the position where I feel forced, as her child, to calm my own parent down.

Does she not think I'm worried at all? I'm the fucking one that's going to actually be working a 12-16 hour shift while she worries, pretends to pray and drinks cheap wine.

I'm not trying to vent, I don't know how I'm supposed to not be affected by her.

I've done the best I can but constantly having to calm her down is intensely exhausting and now I feel like I've run a marathon trying to deal with her, ON TOP of having to actually work in it.

I am trying to build up finances to distance myself, but it's hard.

How do I socially navigate around them until that point?

I think my tones alot more different than i mean it to be most of the time. Apparently i come across as a smartass and in general very hostile. Im aware im blunt but like im not trying to be a dick or anything.

I just dont know anymore. Do any of u advice on how to fix this cuz it’s honestly pretty draining getting attacked for saying anything. I didnt think my tone of voice was that bad until recently.

Makes me wonder how bad i am when I’m actually pissed off.

for a little background, i have severe social anxiety to the point that i struggle asking to use the restroom in class. anyway, here’s the story.

so there’s these two guys in my class that are complete assholes and they’re racist, homophobic, antisemitic, and basically anything else bad you can think of. let’s say one’s name is john and the other’s is bob.

so i’m just chilling in the back of the classroom doing my physics homework, when i suddenly hear out of my left ear bob say “hey who’s that. i don’t even know his name.” me having social anxiety, i immediately think they’re talking to me so i freeze up and continue working. then john says “i think his name’s bill (not my actual name for privacy reasons but they did get it correct).”

now i know that they’re probably talking to me, so i looked over to them and said “what.” then this is where it like goes crazy bruh.

freaking bob says “i hate you” for literally zero reason. i ignore it and ask why they’re staring at me weirdly, but then bob turns to john and says “i hate him”. like okay bro we heard you the first time. the girls they’re sitting with are laughing and shit. i don’t know what i did to make bro say that so i lowkey felt like crying, but this isn’t the worst of what they said tbh. john replies to bob while looking directly at me saying “yeah i hate your nose…and your lips.” like bruh what did i doooo😭😭😭.

then bob walked over and said my lips looked like a “black person’s” and called me the hard r. they’re both white asf by the way. i responded with a simple “okay” and didn’t really make eye contact bc that shit’s scary, but that racist “joke” didn’t effect me too much. it was more immature than anything.

anyway idk bruh that had me sad for a bit afterward. i love myself but i’m still human, so sometimes i feel a bit insecure about certain things. that whole interaction also made me feel angry at myself for not being able to standup for myself, which made me want to cry more. i’ve been trying to work on my social skills a lot recently, but this interaction really showed me how cruel certain people can be, and it reminded me how antisocial i am at this current moment and how much work i have left to do. it was a little demotivating.

if you have any advice for not letting immature dickheads like this hinder my ability to continue working on myself please reply to this.

thank you!🖤

I'm 22M, and I've had multiple people tell me that I talk like a salesperson or that they wouldn't be surprised if I ended up working in sales.

I've also had people specifically tell me that I sound "business-y" when I talk, even during regular conversations that have nothing to do with business.

It's happened enough times that I'm starting to wonder what exactly people are picking up on.

I can't tell if it's a compliment or if they're subtly saying I come across as overly polished, persuasive, calculated, or like I'm constantly trying to sell someone something.

What makes someone give off these kinds of vibes? Is it the way they speak, their confidence, their choice of words, or something else?

Curious how other people interpret this, especially if you've been told something similar.

I am RARELY in the presence of men and when im put into a situation where i have to interact with a man i feel like i completely lose all of my social skills. Of course ive had my share of awful experiences with men and i still have that fear but its almost like theyre aliens to me. Im not trying to be offensive in any shape or form i just dont know how else to describe it. I like to think i mask that feeling while interacting with them but its kinda draining and inefficient. Do i have to fix this by talking to more men similar to exposure therapy? I just feel so weirdly disconnected from them.

My husband thinks it’s no big deal and gets annoyed with me when I point it out. One example - we were all visiting the third (middle) brother and staying at his house. The oldest brother did his laundry there but forgot to move it to the dryer so he asked my husband if he could borrow an undershirt. Why he didn’t ask the host brother who had many more with it being his own home/his closet there I don’t know.

Then we all went our separate ways days later and oldest brother of course didn’t return it. And my husband was flying straight from there to a work trip out of town and ran out of clean undershirts lol.

He also did this with a baseball cap and he knew my husband loved that cap because my husband tried to give him a different one to “borrow.” I also don’t get the audacity….someone is nice enough to lend you their stuff when you need it and you can’t even remember to follow through on returning it? And in both cases the older brother was traveling so he would have been reminded of the item when he was packing to go home 🤔. Is older brother out of line or is this a normal sibling relationship? Thanks!

Severe social anxiety + isolation for few years. I don’t know how to socialize and I can’t afford therapy. I do want to work in my previous jobs I have gotten fired or just not getting through the interview.

I’m extremely awkward and I don’t really know how to be more expressive with my face, I have gotten comments that I look angry or serious and it’s making it hard for people to approach me.

I don’t approach people and people usually don’t approach me either. I don’t know how to make a good impression and I feel like my social anxiety is actually hindering me from adulting and getting a job

Advice needed

The other day, a friend was venting to me and asking for advice about a situation at work. I said something along the lines of, “That sucks. I’ve dealt with something similar at work, and here’s how I would handle it…” I told them my experience - I said this how I would deal with yours. I also proceeded to continue talking about their problems after that.

To me, that’s not trying to make the conversation about myself. It’s my way of relating to someone, thinking through their situation, and offering advice based on my own experiences. I’m essentially putting myself in their shoes and thinking out loud about how I would solve the problem.

I see a lot of people on this subreddit describe this kind of response as self-centered, one-upping, or making everything about yourself.

I genuinely don’t understand why. Isn’t sharing your own experiences part of how people connect and help each other?

I’m curious where people draw the line between trying to relate to someone and making the conversation about yourself.

I can just never really seem to get convos going unless in certain situations (maybe bars?) and with a certain type of person (super talkative, social people where they give me enough 'ammo' to demonstrate my personality?)

I suck. I know the advice is always to 'practice', but I've done that everyday...for years. And nothing ever really changes. Maybe a bit like telling someone to 'practice' the alphabet when they simply don't know the letters past 'P' lol

Today there was a girl at work i'd not had the chance to speak too yet. I said 'hi' to her and asked her how her day was going and she was said was fine but a bit tired. I was like 'yeah, it's been hard work today!'. Asked her when she started working here and she mentioned recently but that she goes to college soon. I asked her what she was studying and she said teaching. (one of my issues is taht I can never think of something to comment on when people answer my questions. Certainly nothing 'good'! After a few seconds I asked if she liked kids and she said yes). I asked if she had any siblings and she said she had a few. I said 'are you the youngest?' and she said she was the middle child. I was already feeling like I was basically out of conversational ammo and more or less just said 'cool, cool....well, I better get back too it' or something which was maybe a bit awkward lol.

I used to think my inability to think of things to say was just my anxiety, but sometimes I think I just have a broken brain or something, because even sitting here now without any anxiety, i'm not really able to picture in my head how a well socialised person would talk. What he/she would have said. How he would reply to her answers. What 'better' things they would ask. How they'd maybe make it more playful etc

I finished high school 4 years ago and have been studying at a pretty good university in my country, but I still feel like I'm lagging behind everyone I know, both socially and career-wise.

My friends have an easy time finding connections, internships, joining competitions that are related to our degree, yet all I do is study, go home, and mess around with friends. I feel like I don't put enough effort into my career or network.

Part of why I don't put effort into these things is that I feel that I'm a naturally unlikeable person, I imagine that if I were to go to conferences and try to meet new people, most of them would just ignore me or not give a damn about me. So I just never rarely leave my comfort zone, because if I did I'd just be putting myself and everyone through a bad and, frankly boring time.

I try really hard to be more outgoing, to relate to people better, and be more calm around new people, yet I always fail miserably. I either end up letting someone else that is with me take the lead, or just not do anything.

I sometimes think that I am perhaps destined to live a miserable life. I'm a social disaster, I can't talk, I can't have fun, yet I feel like my inner world is so full and I like to read and think a lot. But whenever I'm with people the light inside me just turns off and I become the dullest person imaginable.

As much as I try to take a step back and analyze my behaviours with people, I ultimately revert to old habits of being quiet and dull and unlikeable

I really missed out on the pivotal social development years, and realise I’ve never really made a friend? When I was younger people approached me and pursued me, and that’s always how I made friends, but since middle school people don’t really approach me anymore, so I really have realised that I literally do not know how to initiate a friendship myself 😭

Like there are people I like and have good conversations with, but after the whole getting acquainted small talk and wanting to be friends with them, I don’t know what else to do… Im not good at making jokes and feeling comfortable around people, so it doesn’t come naturally for me that I start treating them like a friend. Then I notice they aren’t as curious about me anymore and I am just forever stuck in the acquaintance zone.

There is this one girl I find super cool that I met in a class, and see once a week there, and I reallly want to be friends. I messaged her on social media after spontaneously coming across her account, and we sent about 3 messages back and forth that were like compliments and what not, but it took a day for her to reply to me every message, aaand idk what to do noww?

Pls help a girl out 🥺. I truly don’t know what to do and it’s making me kinda sad that it comes so naturally to everyone else. I just wanna make connectionsss

Im 24f and I feel like recently I've been so aware of my speaking patterns and limits. Sometimes I feel like I completely stumble over what I'm trying to say because it all just tries to come out at once, I often can't find the exact word I want, or I'll stop mid sentence and rephrase what I'm saying from the beginning again. I'm so sure during school/uni I didn't used to be like this.

I also struggle with explaining/talking about something, and then 5 minutes later kind of saying the same thing again in a different way.

I think subconsciously I do this to try to be understood better, or to make sure I'm really saying what I mean, but it must be so annoying for anyone talking to me.

I've tried to slow down and think before I speak, but often when I think about it I end up going in the other direction and draw a complete blank and don't know what to say at all.

As far as I know I'm neurotypical, and I don't feel intense social anxiety (although maybe am prone to overthinking).

Does anyone have any advice or exercises that I could practice to help with this?

I'm (17) really lost here. Ive dropped out of college (uk) and my coworkers are at least 50 years older than me. I don't quite know what to do now. I'm not the type of person who can strike up a conversation with a stranger, and if I did that's the entirety of the interaction.

Any advice is appreciated, thank you.

i’m 19, in uni. i’ve done a lot for myself the past few months. opening up, meaning new people, etc.

I’d say I have plenty of people to hit up and message but for some reason I still feel really lonely

nobody usually sits with me, or strikes up a conversation with me regularly/naturally. I can vent to people and seek their help but, and they are there, but it feels like i’m left alone for the most part. I’d talk to people or say things but it’s getting more often than not that people don’t really realise i’m there or notice me saying anything.

Why could this be my feeling despite there being people?

If they’re in my class but I only talk to them sometimes do I wave?

Also why tf do guys not wave to girls? Why do they death stare me instead?

I don’t know what it is that doesn’t allow me to be myself at work. I’m very closed off and I always feel like I’m on fight or flight mode. It’s honestly the worst and I’ve been dealing with this for years now. It only happens at work. Outside of work I’m perfectly fine.

I have tried to change my mentality and be more playful and relaxed but it always go back to the same thing. Just feeling uncomfortable around my peers at work. I also keep to myself because I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

Please help!!

Aad while being care free how do I not hurt people like man I see poeple like care free like rude and still people love them like how

I am at uni. I am trying to learn social skills. The girl got friends with me I am also a girl. She was so nice to me and suddenly when I texted her on Instagram which we have each other on she just didn't open my message. Next day she was acting kinda normal but I couldn't see because I was hanging out with a different friend. When we got close again I called her out and she said she was talking and she forgot and I shouldn't take it seriously.

Now I am overthinking how she shows she doesn't want to hang out anymore or not. I don't want to pressure her.