I just wanna know people's stories regarding this. Have you done any way to fix it? If yes, do you notice something changing from the way people interact with you once you actually try?
If youre sharing picture(s) on your phone with two people do you hold it out in the middle so both can see or to just one at a time so they can see it more close up? Also do you show the same person first each time or switch the order?
Like
a and b are talking to c and c is like let me show you my pics. holds up phone so a can see but b cant. then when a is done shows b. next pic, repeats shows a first then b.
or does c hold it in the middle each time so both a and b can see?
Whenever I’ve done therapy related to initiating friendship struggles, they usually just have me do CBT and advise me to expose myself to gradually more anxiety provoking situations or give obvious advice like “join clubs or volunteer to meet new people, ask people how their day is going, ask them what they like to do”. Honestly I don’t think it really works for me because the goal is just to reduce anxiety but it can’t actually teach someone how to make friends. I’ve already taken advantage of social opportunities like clubs and jobs and forced myself to push through moments of awkwardness to introduce myself to new people first. But I still can’t make friends past casual acquaintances who I talk to once in a while. This is where I think social anxiety therapy doesn’t really help because they don’t fully know me and they know very little about the people around me.
I would just rather talk with someone about the feeling of being lonely and struggling to make friends when it seems like everyone else can. Most social advice just seems quite generic and obvious and doesn’t really help me so I feel like I don’t really get to discuss what I want to in therapy.
I have an online friend of 7 years. We finally met in-person recently, and he made a comment about not feeling worthy of friendship. So I sent him a voice memo while driving home about how much he meant to me and how he's worthy of friendships and good relationships, and I cried while recording it.
He opened it the next morning, but didn't reply for a week.
I wrote "mk?" and he wrote back, "I cried when I listened to that, but then thought I replied but guess I didn't. Anyway, thank you for being such a great friend and really seeing me."
I made you cry, but you can't reply? Or you thought you might have, but didn't open our chat again?
It really makes me feel unappreciated and humiliated that I opened up over voice like that, to not be thought of for a week. It makes me resent his carelessness. Should I say something about my feelings?
hi. I'm 18 now. But this incident has impacted me so much. I remember sitting there when she came over to a dog to feed it treats..and i started asking her about her day/how is she etc etc when she said "you don't have to be two faced in front of me". I freezed and said nothing. I ignored it. I said bye. And then when she left i remember breaking down in tears...
It was during my internship when it all happened. I would say I didn't have much insight into my own self identity and my likes or dislikes and i just wanted to get along with people. Maybe i was overly polite or overly humble. But i for sure wasn't faking it. I loved making people feel seen and making them feel heard. Ask them about their day.
This isn't the first incident, my other teacher has called me out in the class for being a people pleaser. Not sure why. I used to admire, talk nicely, chat with almost everybody and kids were asking her to let them sit with me. It does sound fake or cringe as I'm saying it but i just need some advice onto how do I recover from this.
I haven't been the same since. I've lost my enthusiasm..my spark or excitement in social settings. I just don't feel the same anymore and it has been 4 years since it happened. Please help!
edit: i forgot to clarify in the post but i did message the first teacher who called me two-faced and confessed how badly i was hurt and told her i am just 14 and still learning how to engage with people socially. That internship expected me to be polite and formal and i was trying my best to learn those skills, and then she replied saying sorry and asked if she could have dinner with me. i said yes, then she said she mistakenly projected her way of being happy onto me. i was 14 and did not understand what she meant and thus it still stings very badly, i wonder she said sorry cause otherwise she would face some professional consequences which i am scared she later did for that comment when my mentor asked me why i was skipping work and i said i've been feeling down and anxious because of this.
that mentor later on scolded me for not telling her earlier and said it was an excuse for me to skip work which just made it even worse. she later said she would not give me the certificate of the internship and i agreed, she for sure has cut ties with me and hates me, which i do not mind because i dont love how she handled it as well-especially when i was a kid in a formal space.
People have been telling me to "read the room" for years now. I asked my friend what this actually means in my context and she said that I have to work on understanding sarcasm and understand what something actually means.
I've been accused of pretending to be oblivious in conversations but in reality I just find it hard to understand topics that are split up in such a way that each point appears disconnected from the other. I genuinely don't understand what some things said in conversation mean. How do I try to understand that?
I also keep saying stuff that in retrospect sound like I'm throwing shade on someone. And I don't understand when someone makes a joke at my expense. I know these aren't directly related to reading the room but I want to improve here too.
I (23M) feel like I'm watching my life pass by while everyone else is actually living theirs.
My best friend and I have known each other since school. He was always the good-looking, funny, confident guy. He could talk to anyone, make friends easily, joke around, tease girls, and people naturally liked him. Even now, he has a big social circle.
I was always the opposite. Quiet, introverted, skinny, awkward, and lacking confidence. I wasn't very attractive as a teenager either, although genetics were kind to me later and I look much better now. Girls have shown interest and people don't make fun of me anymore, but that didn't magically change who I am.
I enjoy being alone, but at the same time I struggle to connect with people. I go to work, come home, and only speak when necessary. Some coworkers probably think I dislike them because I'm so quiet, but that's not it. I just don't naturally click with most people.
It's not that I can't socialize. If I genuinely connect with someone, I can have long conversations, even with people much older than me. But in groups I usually stay silent. I don't enjoy loud party culture, drinking, smoking, or showing off. Most people around me seem to enjoy those things, so I often feel out of place.
Lately I feel like I'm slowly losing my best friend too. He spends time with other friends who party, dance, travel, meet girls, and do exciting things together. I feel like I have less and less to talk about with him. Back in school we shared the same life, but now everyone has moved forward while I feel like I've stayed the same.
That hurts because I don't have many people I'm truly close to. Most of my life is just work and staying at home.
People always say, "Just go out, meet new people, make friends." But for me it isn't that simple. I don't trust people easily and I don't open up unless I genuinely feel comfortable. Most conversations feel forced.
Sometimes I wonder what I even have to offer. I'm not loud, charismatic, funny, a good dancer, singer, or the life of the party. I don't drink, smoke, or chase girls. I'm just a quiet guy who enjoys genuine conversations, sports, movies, anime, and spending time with people I actually connect with.
On top of that, I feel a lot of pressure about my career. I want to earn enough money to build a secure future, which means working hard. But sometimes I wonder... if I keep working all the time, when do I actually get to enjoy life?
Lately I've started feeling emotionally numb. It's like I'm just existing instead of living.
Did things eventually get better? How did you find people you genuinely connected with without pretending to be someone you're not?
I have a couple friends I hang out with regularly ever since school got out, and we are all seniors heading to college. We've made like charms together and went to each other's houses, and I even made the effort to hangout with a few of them personally to try and further bonds... Butttt it seems like, all my life, no matter how close I am with someone they always finds someone they are closer with. That's not bad either, but I was wondering if what I wanted WAS just a closer, more best friend related friendship? Is there a possible reason I feel like this despite hanging out with these group of friends who explicitly invite me as well as our other friends? I feel like it's just like a big group thing, and that might be why I don't feel like I'm super close with anyone since I'm trying to be close with all of them at once. Is that not how it could work? Am I even making friends right by doing this? And, when I go to college, will I really just forget my friends? Is that even so bad, despite all the time we spent together? Lots of questions. For context I have ADHD so if that helps at all. Any advice is appreciated! Not intended to be a vent or rant either, just very confused
I’m 23f for context
There’s a musician playing at a bar/club near me, and I really wanna go, but my one friend is not interested in joining me and my other friend is unavailable that night.
The show starts at 8pm and I want to have a glass or two of cider and enjoy the music, maybe dance if I’m not feeling too shy that night. but I’m worried it might be dangerous or too much for me, as it is downtown. I don’t go into the city much and even though my city isn’t \\\*that\\\* bad I’m not built for the streets and I get spooked downtown. But I feel like never going downtown might be irrational and preventing me from living as well as I could.
Is this something I should do? This year I’ve been doing all the things I’ve wanted to do but was too scared to do alone before, but this one has me questioning myself. Is it weird to be a solo girl at a club?? Is there a safe way to do this? Should I chill out? The music is pretty gentle country music, so should I expect a gentle country crowd?
the last concert I went to alone, I thoroughly enjoyed the music but I was also pretty anxious and got too drunk to talk to anyone, but that had assigned seating so there was no pressure to mingle. Part of me does love dancing and loud music I’m just really anxious about going alone. Maybe this will be better to go alone to than the concert was? It’s a popular place in my city with people my age so that’s cool but I’m scared someone will recognize me and/or I’ll make a fool of myself
pls help
There are some ppl who have a different type of vibe like ones with whom everyone feels comfortable
There's something welcoming about them
Is it a trait by birth or is it developed?
If yes then how does one become charismatic?
TLDR: How can I build more of a social circle?
Just looking for some advice on what I can do to build an actual social circle.
I'm 22M and haven't had any formal education since secondary school. Always wanted to go to university mostly for the social side but couldn't afford it.
My life consists of work as of late. I only really have 1 friend left from secondary school and we don't talk often. The rest of my circle are work. My only social circle is people I work with, and then occasionally seeing them outside of work with organised events. They've introduced me to their friends and often talk about meeting mine, and that in itself is a reminder that I don't really have anyone. The people I get along with at work are moving into other roles too so I see them less.
I just want a social circle which is more than just my work, and I don't know where to start. I.e today I had plans with someone from work, they cancelled due to other reasons but now I find myself at home, with no clue what to do.
I have a friend who I’ve known many many years, but our relationship was mainly over text for a number of years as she lived out of state. She’s back in my state and I’m I think that’s why I’m finding it so difficult all of a sudden. She will read negative intent in my questions or comments and then instead of communicating “hey that hurt my feelings I took it to mean x and y” she gets passive aggressive before finally saying she’s angry at what I said and wants me to apologize. When I say I am willing to validate her feelings but not apologize every time because I didn’t do anything wrong, she gets even angrier and thinks that is ridiculous.
For example, she told me she was interviewing for a job that paid 40k salary, I said oh okay so like 19 an hour not bad!! She got angry at that and said I was trying to act like I was better than her and should apologize. Was never my intent, I don’t think I should apologize for translating a yearly salary into hourly?? I can sort of see how she took it, which again I am willing to hear her on. But I don’t think it’s fair to expect me to apologize over all of these interpreted slights. I’ve seen people discuss the idea of apologies and if you should apologize just for intent, I think in our particular relationship this would become a problem due to how passive aggressive she is in response and overly sensitive.
She’s a very funny person and she’s been my friend forever, so the relationship is important to me. I just don’t know what to do about this dynamic happening.
Advice and opinions are welcome, or if you can share a similar story.
Usually, this person is perfectly nice to me. But the moment we get into a disagreement, their whole attitude shifts. Instead of sticking to the actual problem they start making personal attacks. They will bring up my insecurities, use sensitive topics or say hurtful things to put my personality down (for example, telling me I'm "only good at talking").
Over the past few years, I’ve been through some traumatic stuff that led me to socially withdrawing and isolating myself from most ppl.
I just had a social interaction today (I do have them, I’m not a complete shut-in, I’m just bad at them) where I felt so awkward and had nothing to say… Just kinda timid, weak, a shell of myself, idk how to describe it.
I had a flashback to a couple of years ago when I first met this person & I was the one who initiated the conversation, we were chatting away and became friends really fast.
What’s worse is I am a very approachable, recognisable person. Ppl come up to me, no one ignores me, so I literally never fly under the radar & being my awkward self is killing me.
Weirdly, I’m generally pretty confident with high self esteem and I brush off rejection pretty fast. But this is a recurring pattern in my life that I need to address.
I feel like a shell of myself but I just dk what to do. How do I socialise again? How do I know what to talk about? How to start / keep a conversation going?
How do I appear less boring without being a fool of myself? How do I keep up with friendships without being clingy / annoying (part of this comes down to not feeling like I have enough to say or having to be self-deprecatingly funny.)
Is there a book I can read? How do I talk to people? Wtf? wtf wtf I hate this sm. People say it’s like a muscle but I feel like the more I put myself out there, the more off-putting & embarassing I am and I just can’t.
Why do people call me weird but never leave me?
People say im weird and that i ask weird questions or they say im very random
So then i stop and set a boundary and move on with my life
Then they start begging or acting weird to get my attention
it happens with everyone. No one can handle my silence?
the begging followed by their disrespect is so weird
like im weird and annoying but my silence triggers u that much?
No one has ever blocked me.
They ALL come back. Add me to their close story. Send a reel. Or whatever
Happens with teachers. Secure friends. Family members. Everyone
People say some crazy shit to my face but right when i walk away they start saying sorry or going crazy for my attention. And i give in easily so they become normal. Otherwise theyll stay in the crazy phase until im my "real" self again
I started anxiety meds and while it helps to be less driven by my emotions, it is not helping much with anxiety, since I figured that my anxiety directly come from social awkwardness.
Even if I was not socially anxious, I never knew how to make interaction and be appropriate, what I am supposed to say to strangers, if I’m even supposed to say anything at all, how to stand, and the amount of eye contact I’m supposed to do, and my mind go completely blank.
Somehow, my social anxiety protects me from embarrassment, but I still overthink afterwards and I m afraid people think I don’t like them for bad reasons.
I feel like nothing can change my social awkwardness. I’m 31 now. But I wish I could overthink less.
To make the story short i thought i was social enough and had friends did what friends do attended there graduations traveld with them, but at my grandmother’s funeral none of them attended (in my country it’s common for friends to be there)
, so it was clear that it was a one sided friendship
Couple of months passed still didn’t make a friend just acquaintances
What am i doing wrong? I really need help
I visited a conference because of my PhD I'm doing. Even though I was doing fine socializing and building new connections, it always left me emotionally, mentally and physically drained afterwards, like I went straight to sleep after going to my hotel. And even now when I came back home I keep sleeping for 12-13 hours a day (I kid you not) just to charge my batteries back.
Networking is essential if you want to do a PhD and work in academia. But how should I as an introvert (specifically INTJ) be able to do it?
At the conference, I was basically putting up a show for everyone, "masking" so to speak. I was an actor, who was trying to get new connections and it worked. So being shy is not the issue here, I can easily initiate a conversation and even give a short talk at a conference.
So objectively, conferences are very beneficial for me and my work, but subjectively, they feel so draining that I just can't think of doing it again. And I need to overcome this somehow, at least partially, because they are just too good of use to disregard them in the future.
I try to dismiss or move on from backhanded compliments quickly, but I feel like I'm letting her 'win' when I do this, and I still feel fustrated and irrationally upset afterwards. I experience this behavior most commonly from my guardian.
Here are some examples of what I'm talking about:
>Her: Did you know you a blemish on your face? You need to take care of that because some people wont be very kind about it when they let you know.
>Me: I take a shower everyday, there's not much I can do about it.
>Her: That doesn't mean you wash your face everyday. You do need to wash your face everyday, by the way-- I figured I should tell you because it didn't seem like anybody had said anything about that to you before.
(context: I've never had concerns raised with my hygiene before and look normal, don't have acne, etc. I'm also almost an adult, and I found her acting like I needed to be informed of basic hygiene condescending.)
>Her: I'm suprised you knew that word-- I first heard it when I was your age. Of course, I had a better vocabulary than you at 6 years old.
>Me: Okay.
(context: I don't remember the word I used specifically. I have a relatively good vocabulary, so I don't really get the basis for this.)
>Her: Here, I bought you some new clothes. You should like them because they're old XXL fat woman clothes.
>Me: Okay.
(context: ????? I don't really get the insult here because I am a white boy and dress normally for that demographic. The clothes were also just normal Medium sized men's cotton tees)
What's the correct way to approach this? Is this normal human interaction, and I'm the crazy one? What response is she intending to garner?