u/centraltimer

I'm relatively new to posting on Reddit (female, 60s, recently retired). Overall, I consider myself a reasonable person who values treating others well, but a few of my recent posts have drawn surprisingly harsh or overly critical reactions.

​In one instance, I asked for perspective on hosting out-of-town family, and a few commenters assumed the absolute worst about my intentions, leaving me feeling pretty attacked despite doing my best to be a gracious host. In another post about a local issue (lawn damage caused by a neighbor's service), several people suggested I shouldn't even address the property damage, which left me confused about standard norms here.

​I deleted my previous post because the negativity was overwhelming, but I’m genuinely curious about how others navigate this platform.

​Question for the Community:

How do you separate helpful, constructive feedback from unnecessary negativity on Reddit? Is it common for commenters to assume bad intentions, and what strategies do you use to protect your mental peace when posting here?

My husband and I are in our 60s, comfortably retired, and managed our money well. My father-in-law is in his mid-80s and his wife (hubby’s stepmom) is in her early 70s. They don't have much money, so we used our own frequent flyer miles to fly them out to visit us. They’ve only come out to see us once in seven years. When we go visit them (at least once a year), we always have to pay for a hotel because they refuse to let us use their spare bedroom.

​When they visit us, we roll out the red carpet—great food, open bar, dinners out, and even a limo to and from the airport. I don’t mind playing host, but it’s completely one-sided.

​They’ve only been here one day on this trip, and the demands are already out of control:

​Stepmom wanted my husband to climb a tall ladder to re-adjust a ceiling fan we deliberately keep on high because it’s 102° outside.

​Demanded we install a permanent RAIL on our pool because she has become too feeble from a sedentary lifestyle to get out. We have steps in the inground gunite but no rail. That's an add on

​Complained that our Jamaican coconut rum wasn't good enough and requested brand-name Malibu instead.

​Acted like I was a short-order cook at breakfast—I cooked a full spread that could feed 15 people, but she complained there were no over-easy eggs.

​Meanwhile, whenever we visit them, we swelter because they refuse to run the AC, I quietly eat whatever is served without complaining, and I even took a bad fall down their basement stairs once because they didn’t have a handrail.

​I’m exhausted and feeling completely taken advantage of. How do I handle this type of visit moving forward without blowing up the family dynamic?