r/inlaws

so here i am again. a few weeks later posting again. Okay so original issue is my inlaws had bed bugs which were not treated. FIL passes away. They never got it treated and it is now infested. My husband is the youngest of 3. Fast forward to a few weeks ago and I found a bed bug after leaving her house. Since then my husband and I have tossed our old bed and bought a new one. We are inspecting our house daily for signs and have an exterminator coming out on a schedule. My issue is my husband has not said anything to his family about it. My mil called my husband to come to her house and help with some chores. My issue is how do we keep going over to help without compromising my own home. We have already spent over 1000 that i was not prepared to spend. My husband doesn't think we should say anything because they know they have the issue. I feel like if maybe she knows she is causing others harm she will do something. I love my husband however I don't know if love is enough when i don't feel our home is a priority. What would you do?

PS just some facts:
Mil did get about 50k from life insurance which isn't a lot when the bread winner passes away. Mil and Sil go out shopping at least once a week and mil is paying for sil groceries and car payment. This normally wouldn't be my business however it becomes by business when they want us to pay for xyz.

AITA Hi I am a single mom of two. I have raised both of my girls without any help from anyone. My oldest is 21 years old, she has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for almost 5 years. In those almost 5 years they have spend about 85% of it at my house. I am a less strict mom and they are free to do what they want since they are adults . The boyfriend had a house key which I was never ok with, he showered here everyday, he would here everyday meals my daughter would make but most of the time with food I bought. Well on August 16 he informed me he wants to propose to my daughter and they have a trip planned for August 26-30. He knows I have to at least have two weeks notice to ask for time off since my work has our work hours two week in advance. We taken trip and we discuss my job policy.well it turns out his family is going to be there and unfortunately my younger daughter and I can't make it. I asked him if he can reconsider having his family there but he is giving excuses. So I am been unreasonable for wanting him to just propose to my daughter without any family there. Again they alway at my house because his mom is a Christian and is strict about even kissing. I even want to ask my daughter to please start hanging out at his parents house so he can see how good he has had it at my house. Plus that way my daughter will see that when she is around the other parent issues will raise. Right now I've been the only parent they have had issue with but that because they are always here. If they are not working they are at my house. He needs to see that without me maybe they would even have a relationship in the first place. I would let them use my car when they didn't have one. I took the blame for something and got arrested because the police pulled him over. I feel I have done a lot and I feel I deserve to be there or at least not have the families included if bith families can't be there. What you yall think

I’m just so done and I don’t know what else to do so honestly asking for advice cause I feel I’ve done what I can without really losing it at this point.

If you fancy reading my other posts feel free but the highlights as :
Been with DH 4 years

Have a 3 year old son and currently pregnant with our second.

Have gone no contact with MIL due to incredible disrespect, boundary crossing and negative comments.

So last post I made me and my DH had an argument about him lying about a canvas and him basically saying how he thinks I’m trying to get him to cut off his mum which I truly and honestly am not, I just don’t want to enable her behaviour anymore. We talked it out, I very, VERY clearly explained how I feel dismissed and how I feel like he allows her to disrespect me and I should put up with it anymore to which he some what agreed but also said his mum is just isolated, doesn’t get what she says is hurtful blah blah blah which I then said I am not enabling that type of behaviour towards me. I digress..

Also as of recently my DH gran has started with the comments which she has never been like this with me before. I feel like it’s because I have stood up to her daughter and she doesn’t like that. But we have always had a good relationship until recently. After I cut contact with MIL she essentially told me off in my own home then proceeded to agree with my points after actually listening but again, she herself has started with commenting on my pregnancy, my parenting etc.

So today, I got the bus with my son and MIL was there. Very awkward but whatever. MIL proceeded to talk through my son and be passive aggressive “I never see you anymore” “I got you loads of new toys at nanas so daddy will have to bring you round” to which i ignored mostly cause I think she was looking for a reaction. As she continued to talk through my son I was polite enough and was replying but I was being ignored with is fine by me. Very immature behaviour.
After this DH gran called and all was fine and then she said MIL told her I ignored her on the bus which I said I didn’t. She then said she didn’t like how my DH spoke to MIL like a week ago about something I knew very little about. All I knew was that they argued because DH was stressed about our sons behaviour and she made comments to which he stated facts of we have no help so it’s stressful. I see no problem with that statement. To which I told his gran I agree with him. She said she also would have never watched our son if he was acting up (she has never been asked or has watched our son) which irritated me.
She then began commenting on my parenting that I’m too soft, I should LOCK MY SON IN THE GARDEN if he misbehaves and I shouldn’t keep buying him things or giving in when he’s naughty. I must say, I am a firm but fair parent. I do not give in easy and I don’t always buy him things, I will buy him things if he’s done well in nursery or treat him when I can but it’s not like I buy him everything and anything regardless of his behaviour. Also she hasn’t seen my son in 3 weeks and lives 10 min drive away so she never sees my parenting. I told her he has time out but I am NOT going to lock him in the garden if he’s naughty. He gets time out, we cool down and then we talk about behaviour to the best of what he understands.

I shouldnt have to justify my parenting or anything else to anyone else and I am now kind of crapping bringing this up with DH because I don’t want to seem like I’m causing issues but they are literally relentless at this point. I don’t want to keep having the same fight with DH but nothing really changes. He may have a word or he may not but the behaviour continues and like I said, his gran is now starting with it which she never really used to do. It feels like because I stood up for myself they don’t like it and I don’t want to be portrayed as this two faced b*tch but I also don’t want to be walked all over again and again. I’m literally 3 weeks from giving birth like can’t people give it a rest.

My husband and I are considering going full No Contact with my mother-in-law, but I am struggling with guilt and second-guessing myself.

MIL constantly pushed an ex-girlfriend onto my husband before we met. Because the ex is cousins with my husband’s godmother, MIL used that connection to justify keeping her around. She got the ex a job at her workplace, kept a close relationship like phone calls, dinners, updating her on my husband and invited her to family events, including milestone partes after we were married, despite my husband begging her for years to stop.

MIL pursued an inappropriate secret friendship with my grandmother behind our backs despite family disapproval. When their dynamic soured, MIL aggressively hounded my aunt to reach my grandma, resulting in my elderly grandmother getting someone to block MIL's number.

After cutting MIL off, my grandma privately told me that MIL explicitly admitted she wished my husband had stayed with that ex instead of marrying me. My grandma pleaded that I don’t go to their home anymore for my own well being and to please not tell my husband or dad what was said. She also said that she envisioned a different life and woman for him which was the ex. My grandma never gets involved in my life to this extent and is not known to lie.

What makes this hard is that despite everything, my MIL is nice to me to the point of harassment like bombarding me with texts, pet names, gifts, stalking my social medias, following my friends on social media, befriending my dads family (my parents are divorced and she does not like my mother) and forced enthusiasm. This makes me maybe wish she didn’t say that and when boundaries are set, she uses aggressive sweetness.

I refuse to name my grandma or drag her into this, as MIL will cause a massive firestorm. But between the secret conversation and her constant boundary-crossing is it valid to go completely No Contact without giving an explanation? How do I get past the guilt of cutting off someone who weaponizes sweetness? What if my grandma misunderstood what she said?

I've been with my partner for 2years and we recently moved in together. In laws have been divorced for a long time. MIL and her husband are absolute sweethearts. FIL on the other hand is... something. We don't see him often so I wasn't really bothered but lately I swear I want to punch him in the face. He questions every decision we make, especially when it involves money. He tries to insert himself and force us to take money from him. He has money alright. But my partner and I manage just fine (I'm not working full time yet so we are not upper class or whatever but we get by just fine).

Some examples. My partner got a nice opportunity to buy something normally expensive second-handed, cheaper than market value. He told FIL proudly. FIL shot him down and said it wasn't a smart move financially and we should wait on the purchase and he can help with giving us money later on. Like excuse me wtf ? We're not asking permission, we already made the purchase after carefully thinking about it for months. Mind you we were buying from someone on my family's side so we trust them and the item was almost brand new.

Today I texted FIL bc I wanted to surprise my partner for his upcoming birthday and wanted to know if he wanted to participate. To sum it up, partner currently has a meaningful number on his license plates, a gift from FIL. As we moved in a different region, he has to change the plates and it means loosing the special number. I wanted to try and find the same number for the new plates. This can get a bit expensive but it's a birthday gift and my family was even willing to pitch in. I asked FIL bc the car is currently in his name and as he made the previous plates purchase, I wanted to be nice and include him. He completely shot down my idea, implying I wasn't financially responsible, explained to me what was needed for the insurance like I was an idiot and then ended with "but if this is what my son wants I'll participate". I was fuming.

These are just the most recent examples but I'm starting to get pissed. I always said I'd respect my in-laws bc I love my partner but FIL is making it difficult. He always has to be right and everyone has to obey. His way is always the right way. This does not fly with me. We're almost 30 and I will not have some random dude tell me how to live my life and take care of my finances, especially when we are being careful and thoughtful. We never asked for money from him.

I honestly don't know how to navigate this. My partner does not know about the plates thing and I'm wondering whether I should tell them bc they might feel I have resentment towards FIL for no reason... anyone in a similar situation ? How do you deal with a financially controlling in-law?

I need advice. Serious advice. My DH is the youngest of four and was born much later than the rest of his siblings. He has two sisters who have a genetic disorder so they have no legal capacity, mental ages of probably 6-7 year olds. The eldest sister, call her Janet, rules the roost. MIL is in a nursing home with very advanced dementia. FIL passed away in May. Janet moved all four of my in-laws into a house they purchased together about 6 years ago so she could spend more time with her mom. I recently found out through FIL’s death that she put the house title 50% in her name, 12.5% in FIL, 12.5% MIL, 12.5% SIL 1 and 12.5% SIL 2. My in-laws paid 48%, she paid 42% and two SILS combined 10%. Janet and her mom took money from the two SILS accounts because they could and did it all the time. SILs have no legal capacity to sign anything so I don’t even know how their name was put in the title but now Janet wants to remove their names and take their shares. Also found out she has stolen $45K from in-laws to give to her own adult children and $210K from in-laws to build a 2 bedroom flat off the side of the house. No written agreement with her parents to use their money this way. My DH doesn’t know any of this yet but because he is co-executor with her, he’s asked me to get all the paperwork together for my FIL’s will etc.

Janet has been treating her DIL (Sonja) like shit so Sonja came to me to tell me what’s been happening. Before my in-laws were put in a nursing home, Janet was locking them in their bedrooms so they couldn’t go anywhere and get in her way when she wanted a break or when they went to bed at night. Left them in adult diapers because she couldn’t be bothered changing them more than once per day, stole money, abused them etc. My DH and I live in another state so we weren’t aware of any of this. Janet is manipulative, a narcissist and hates anyone that she can’t control. My DH lacks a spine when it comes to Janet but he has power of attorney (POA), a copy of his father’s will and death certificate so I want him to go to the bank, get access to the accounts and see what’s been going on. He needs to review the estate as the Executor. I want him to get what he is legally entitled to and to show him what his sister really is. He doesn’t know any of this yet and I don’t know how to tell him. Have you been in this circumstance before? How do you tell your DH that his sister is a lying elder abusing thief? I feel sick.

Bf struggling to prioritise his wants/ needs and to prioritise over his toxic, gaslighting parents. What would you do?

So my baby shower was over the weekend. My father passed away and my mother and I are no contact. My brother and I are close and him and his partner were in attendance — basically they’re the only close family that I have. My fiancé and I decided to use my brother’s name as our baby’s middle name. It was also my late father’s middle name. We planned on telling him after the baby was born, and it was very well known that the name was a secret. After the baby shower was over my MIL told my fiancé that she told my brother the middle name. My fiancé flipped out on her and she gave a half ass apology following up with an “oh well.” I called my brother and asked him about it and he told me that she told him as he was leaving… like it was an afterthought. I’m so upset because I haven’t had a lot of special family moments and she took that away and doesn’t really give a shit. She hasn’t reached out to me to try to apologize. I truly don’t know how I’m supposed to trust her moving forward. I feel so disrespected.

My husband and I (both 31) got married in April. I’ve been around his mom a total of 6 times I believe (He and I met in Texas and moved to Minnesota last year, she lives in Colorado) and every interaction has been pleasant. This time however, it was a complete 180. His mom, step-dad and sister came up to visit for a week and a half and we spent this past weekend with them. She’s made some very odd, borderline offensive and shady comments.

I’ll say this because it’s relevant to what follows. I’m half black, and very obviously and noticeably so. My husband is white along with the rest of his family.

All of these examples are out of order from this weekend. They’re just in order of what came to mind first.

We were gathered at his brothers house and she mentioned that I look like Ariel, the little mermaid. I have very thick black curly hair and tan skin. Before I could respond my husband says “You mean, from the new little mermaid right?” Most people know, but if you don’t, in the live action movie Ariel is played by Halle Bailey, a black woman with locs. She proceeds to respond in disgust with how much she hates that they changed the character and that it looks nothing like the real Ariel (A cartoon character with red straight hair, which as you can deduce, I look nothing like). She goes on for a little while about this and I just say that I think they should just stop doing remakes because it causes too much drama. This shut the conversation down and we move on.

Later we were playing a card game and she made a comment that I need to learn how to shuffle when I gave the deck to my husband and I said “No I don’t” in a light joking way. I was done with her.
I was rubbed the wrong way so many times.

She complained all day that the boat we rented on Sunday was so dirty and gross and she couldn’t enjoy the day because of how bad it was. It was NOT that bad. Everyone else had a great time and no one was complaining. I was just happy to be on a boat! She complained about some black dog hair that’s was left behind. His brother and brothers wife lost their black dog a week ago and his wife whispered to me that the hair was comforting. She also has not acknowledged the dogs death and quickly changes the subject when she is brought up. She also freaked out because my dog stepped on a picnic blanket at the beach on Saturday and I felt so awkward for the rest of that time and kept my dog by my side because I was confused by her behavior and didn’t want anything else to happen.

Then at dinner last night she made a comment of how happy and impressed she was that his brother and brothers wife sent her a thank you card for a check she had sent them and how other people just say “yep the check cleared”. It was so shady and unnecessary! She gifted us a check IN PERSON for getting married and we thanked her IN PERSON. No we didn’t send a thank you card as that’s not something we do, all appreciation and thanks we’re given IN PERSON.

I come from very humble beginnings and she seems very snooty. More than I can handle and fake along with.

After 3 days of this I was very quiet at dinner last night and my social battery is drained.
My husband completely agrees with how I feel and has apologized for how she acted.

We are supposed to have dinner with them again on Friday before they leave and maybe hang out on the weekend and I just can’t. Would I be wrong if I pretended to be sick?
I’m just exhausted and disappointed.

My husband and I moved to his hometown about a year ago. He left when he was 18 and we are now in our mid 30's so naturally his mom has been overjoyed to have him so close. When we arrived, she invited us to come over once a week for dinner, and I agreed to it because I could see how much it meant to her to be able to see her son regularly again. Overall, she's a very kind woman, but as the time has gone on I've been feeling more and more irritated with her. She has her quirks, nothing really serious or toxic, but definitely things that get on my nerves and I'm starting to resent the amount of time I'm expected to see her. It's not just weekly dinner, we also occasionally meet up for coffee or breakfast or go to her house to help her with something. I want to be clear that if my husband wants to see her everyday (he doesn't), I don't mind one bit. She's his mom and I would never limit the amount of time he spends with her, I am just tired of being expected to as well. My husband started to notice this and we had an open conversation about it. He doesn't quite understand why I feel this way, and it makes me feel even worse because his mom is genuinely a good person, but she wants a much closer relationship than I do and it's starting to wear on me. I can't escape this guilty feeling I have, I don't know if I should just suck it up or if I have a legitimate grievance here.

My husband has a large family of 7 siblings. One of his oldest sisters was celebrating her daughter’s first birthday earlier this month with a family barbecue at their house. Fantastic. Husband and I came bearing a gift for our niece, a small treat for her siblings, and a dish.

SIL, my husband’s deployed brother’s wife, also comes to the house with her child. She and child were craving mango sticky rice and was so proud to be able to bring it for the family. However, she forgot a key ingredient: the mango; she brought a pot of the semi-sweet sticky rice, which is still a very good dessert on its own and could have been eaten as is.

Instead of just calling it sticky rice or buying mangos herself, she asked hosting sister if she had any (she did not). SIL then asked hosting sister if her husband could go to the store and grab the mangos. Being a large family, my husband’s siblings tend to enable as to not cause rifts in the family especially since SIL’s husband/their brother is deployed.

Sister’s husband missed a large part of his own daughter’s first birthday. No where in town had the particular mango that SIL wanted, which was already known but he still left to show good faith. SIL got another sister to doordash the mangos to the house from a further super market.

I should just mind my own business, but what upset me was that at the end of the night, I just wanted some fruit. I grabbed some mango and SIL pointedly drew attention that I avoided her sticky rice that accompanies the mangos. I didn’t want to have a major blood sugar spike being so late at night, but she was still visibly offended.

SIL then happily left with the rest of her dessert including the uncut mangos, plus leftovers from the party. She remarked how mangos are so expensive now and she left with more than she brought. My husband is also in the military, so maybe I don’t cut her more slack for that reason but ugh she just annoys me at this point lol.

I really appreciate that my MIL wants to have visits in her house. she likes having toys at her house for my son, and I understand that it’s her home and she has every right to care about her belongings and of course wants to make sure my son won’t break anything (so do I, of course). I’m just finding myself increasingly conflicted about how to handle visits there.

My son is 18 months old, so he is obviously very curious and wants to touch, explore, open, move, and investigate basically everything. I’m not saying I allow him to be disrespectful and messy just because he is a toddler, me and my husband discipline him and make sure he learns how to behave. But we all collectively know toddlers are e a ball of energy. *edit: I also want to add that he is not AT ALL being destructive, breaking and demanding things, but simply being excited and happy to be there! He loves to be at her house!

But when we visit my MIL, I feel like me and my husband are constantly following him around saying “no,” redirecting him, keeping him away from the stairs, closing doors, stopping him from touching decorations, etc. I absolutely understand that it is our responsibility to supervise him in someone else’s home, and we do. I don’t expect my MIL to toddler-proof her entire house for us and don’t want her to do anything she isn’t comfortable with.

The difficult part is that it sometimes feels like the expectations are higher than what is realistically possible with an 18-month-old. For example, she has beautiful wooden floors and is understandably protective of them. She has bought toys specifically for my son to keep at her house, but sometimes gets frustrated when he drives the toys around on the floor or throws a small ball from one of the toy sets. Again, I understand why she doesn’t want him touching certain things. But sometimes I find myself wondering what the expectation is supposed to be when the toys are there for him to play with and he is doing developmentally normal toddler things with them.

There is also a fireplace with a large stone underneath it that has somewhat sharp edges. This is actually something my MIL asked me for help with. She had mentioned that she was worried about my son hitting his head on it and asked me to help find some kind of cover/protection for the stone. She said she used to have it when her kids were little so I spent time looking for different options and sent her several that I thought would both be safe and fit the style of her house.

She never responded or acknowledged the options.

I didn’t take it personally. I assumed maybe she changed her mind or didn’t like any of them, and that’s completely fine. It’s her house, and I don’t expect her to use something just because I suggested it.

But then she continued mentioning how worried she was about my son hitting his head on the stone, including saying recently that WE hadn’t found a cover for it. Yesterday mentioned I happened to have an extra piece of foam padding that could potentially go around the sharp edge, so I offered it to her. She said she didn’t want anything like that in her house and mentioned that my FIL already thinks she has too many toys (she has three toys and one of them is a book).
Again, I completely understand that she doesn’t want something in her house that she doesn’t like aesthetically. It’s her home. I just found myself confused because she had originally asked me to help find a solution, I did, she didn’t respond, and now she’s still worried about the exact same problem while also not wanting a solution.

There are other little things like this too. At one point my FIL suggested covering the water filter because my son is obsessed with turning the water on and we are all exhausted of either moving the water filter around or having to run around him, but my MIL immediately rejected the idea. Again, totally her choice. But then we’re back to constantly chasing him away from it and hearing her say “please you have to tell him to stop” while that’s quite literally the only word we tell him, while chasing and keeping him away from anything and everything.

I’m starting to dread bringing my son there because I feel like I’m spending the entire visit policing him and not at all enjoying the dinner or the time with family. And occasionally there will be a comment along the lines of “you have to tell him no,” even though telling him no and redirecting him is basically what we’re doing the entire time.

I’m starting to wonder if her house just isn’t a very toddler-friendly environment right now, and maybe it would be better for us to spend time together elsewhere. But I also don’t want her to interpret that as me keeping her grandson away from her or being passive-aggressive.

So I’m genuinely unsure how to approach this respectfully.

Would you consider this a normal situation with an 18-month-old, or am I being unreasonable? How would you handle visits when the grandparent wants the toddler there but also has very little tolerance for toddler behavior? Would you simply reduce visits at their house and suggest meeting elsewhere, or is there a better way to approach it?

Sorry for the long post but I’ve been holding this for so long and need somewhere to vent and listen/ read others experiences.

I (34 F) and my husband (35 M) had our first child almost 18 months ago. At the time we didn’t live near either of our parents and it was a 3-4 hour flight to travel to see them. Initially I would say that I had a gold relationship with my in-laws, we got along, family holidays were fine, sure they could be irritating and often say stupid things. I will say I always noticed that they can be snobs and think they know best all time, often ignoring someone’s wishes and doing what they wanted anyway and when called out always played dumb. Red flags I initially thought nothing of. But as soon as LO arrived things just spiraled. They came to visit 2 weeks postpartum which was not at all what I wanted but felt pressured to have them because we were moving a few months later and things would have been packed up. They stayed for 10 days and left the same day my parents (who listened to my wishes and waited 4 weeks before visiting) arrived which left no room to mentally and emotionally reset.

From the second they walked in the door I was so anxious and just wanted to hold and cuddle my baby who was cluster feeding. They bee-lined straight for us on the couch and didn’t even look at me and immediately started to touch the baby and demand cuddles while I had them on my chest. It felt awful. They didn’t stay in our home but would be there from sun up to sun down and hover like vultures which made me feel like I couldn’t just relax and hold my baby and instead had to host and hold conversation and give my baby up so they could have cuddles, watch my change his nappy over my shoulder, take him so we could go to dinner (he’s 2 weeks old!!) etc. MIL made comments on how I was breast feeding and would sit right next to me on the couch which led to me covering up in my own home and feeling so uncomfortable. This was the start of issues between my husband and I because he’s a people pleaser and struggled to manage conflict which often led to me being let down and not made to feel like a priority. He also didn’t understand how anxious I was feeling and understandably wanted his parents involved but at the detriment of my mental wellbeing. We ended up in therapy because I couldn’t handle it anymore and he didn’t support me when I needed him to buffer his parents. I was ready to seperate. Things are improving, he’s changed and holds firm boundaries with his parents but I still have days where I am not sure I can move past the broken trust and hurt.

Long story short we ended up moving to be near his family because I lost my job on maternity leave and we wanted to start an apprenticeship. His parents are in their 70s and his dad is not exactly a picture of health and several medical concerns arose. My husband was worried he may pass so I agreed to move. In hindsight, worst idea ever. I was terribly homesick, isolated and lonely having no friends or family around and just constant interactions with the in-laws. I was a SAHM and adjusting to motherhood without the people who knew me the best. I understand the excitement of a new grand baby and the first one at that but the overstepping and entitlement was awful. I don't understand the obsession the boomer generation has with separating the baby from the mother in order to “help” and “bond/connect”. It was next level.

They always centred their experience as grand parents and never seemed to care for or respect my role as the mother Or what it would be like for me to not have my own support network. They would make comments about being disappointed as they thought it would be a communal raising experience and that I never asked for help and keep them at arms length. Their version of help was taking my baby so I could do x, y, z. It honestly baffles me that people can’t comprehend that I perhaps I don’t want to be separated from my baby and that adjusted my life because I had a baby that baby is now a part of running errands etc. He was also EBF. My MIL kept saying “my baby” to my son and walking away out of the room and house with him even though I had asked her not to. They always made a point of saying my son looked like everyone on their side of the family and nothing like me. They always greeted my son and made a song and dance and would then greet me like an after thought. They would try to just show up at our home and often push to be a part of every milestone. They make comments about me not trying to settle into the new state because I hadn’t made deep friendships in mothers group yet and say that I’m not even trying. They take my baby out of arms and kiss him even when we have asked them not to and had this weird obsession with making him walk while they held is hands above his head when was cleary wasn’t ready bir should be forced to do it. I’m a physio so this grinded every time I asked them not too and they debated it.

Theres just been a lot of related behaviours that make me not trust them at all and never want to leave my child with them because they will do whatever they want the second I’m gone because they think they know best. They act dumb when you ask them not to do something like it was a simple mistake and argue like our parenting and wishes are up for debate. Several times when my husband confronted them about their behaviour they would say that we are being controlling and sensitive. They would eventually apologise and then behind our back would complain to their other son who thankfully called them out and saying they were being disrespectful. It still makes my skin crawl when they interact with my son and a part of me feels like I’m being a pushover by letting them still have a relationship with him after how they made me feel.

Reading this back it feels like such little nit picky things but over the last 18 months it’s just worn me down horribly to the point that I hate them for ruining my first experience of motherhood. I don’t speak to them directly anymore and my husband handles the communication. If my MIL calls or texts I ignore it because I honestly don’t have the energy to care or deal with it. I’m trying to manage my mental health so that I can show up for my son the way he deserves. I am so deeply hurt that I don’t want anything to do with them but I feel guilty because I know my husband loves them and wants them to be present. They aren’t horrible people just self centred and out of touch. We have made the decision to move back soon which I am so grateful for and know that being back with my support network with help so much with my mental wellbeing. My husband has a support network there too and acknowledges that leaving wasn’t the best decision.

Anyway if you have made it this far, thank you so much for reading and listening. I would love to hear your advice and/ or experiences.

My mother in-law is a successful business woman in her early 70s. She is a NPD (narcissist) who hates her own daughter (ie my wife), yet heavily favors her son (traditional Taiwanese family value). While my wife was going to college, she would only provide enough allowance for her, so she frequently is left with very little money at month end to eat at McDonald when she studied in the U.S. And when my wife was to marry me, my mother in-law made my wife give up all her savings from 10 years of work to pay her back for supporting my wife thru her master degree. But, when her loser son (my brother in-law, the golden child) went to London for his MBA, she bought him a house. Now, my mother in-law is getting old, she is planning to leave 95% of her estate to the loser son, who is 35 years old, and never worked in his life. My mother-in law still cooks for him, does his laundry and treats him like a prince. But on the other hand, she demands us to buy her furniture, washer and dryer and computer when we go visit her. What piss us off is that she has net worth of well over 10 million, yet she is super stingy with us, cuz in her traditional value, the daughter is no good and is not a family once she is married. Yet, she expects us to be filial and respectful to her. We admit that we are greedy and wish for some inheritance down the road, but we found out she is setting up trust to prevent my wife getting anything. I truly wish my brother in-law, the loser son, would abandon her and marry someone mean to abuse my mother-in law.

Ever since I started dating my boyfriend at 18, my MIL hasn’t liked me. I’m now 27 and I genuinely cannot stand them.

I’m not a super social person. I’m quiet and awkward until I can get comfortable with you. For years I was polite and tried my best to cultivate a good relationship with my in-laws. I decided in 2023 to stop being around them. This was due to his mother creating tension and arguments in our relationship because I didn’t go to church with them. I’m not religious, but I have been with them before. My boyfriend didn’t care if I went, but his mother was harassing him so much that he would get into arguments with me over not going. Eventually we got to the understanding that his mother was the issue and we got past those arguments. When I decided to pull away for a while it was because my father had cancer and she was telling my boyfriend that she was going to confront me. I didn’t have time for extra drama and stress so I decided I was done for now and kept my distance.

Since I was done trying, and we were helping my dad navigate things with his stage 4 cancer, we naturally pulled away from them. She took notice and decided to literally start crying to my boyfriend about how we didn’t have a better relationship. I thought this was ridiculous after many years of her disliking me for whatever petty reason she could think of when asked and naturally didn’t believe her. After a lot of harassment from both of his parents, my boyfriend told me he thought that she was being genuine. So I decided to send a text clearing the air. I laid out all the issues so that they were aware of what was wrong and could move forward doing better. I told them that I just needed space for a while but I appreciated that they were trying. His dad knew about the message. My bf proofread it. But when I sent it, shit hit the fan. I was called a narcissist and a whole bunch of other things. His dad called him and told him that was the worst thing I could’ve ever done. Then his mother cussed, yelled, and kicked him out of their house. When he returned to the house with a friend to collect his things, his mother tried to pretend nothing ever happened. He kept ignoring her which made her mad. They caused a scene in their yard, harassed the friend, and his dad tried to come outside and physically fight them both over lies his mother made up while my bf was loading things into his car.

At this point, I refused to be around them. My bf eventually forced an apology out of her for everything after she told him that her biggest mistake in life was having him. They used to talk but they definitely weren’t close. I did see them occasionally when it couldn’t be avoided and was always polite. I got pregnant in 2025 and since there hadn’t been any big issues with them, I decided that they could have a relationship with my son as long as they were respectful.

The first red flag was at Thanksgiving when we couldn’t be at 3 lunches at one time and he texted his mother trying to schedule a dinner the following day so we could still celebrate with them. She threw a fit about it and dinner never happened but she smiled in our faces like nothing happened when we should up to his other grandparents house. We decided to just let it go, but to me it just showed that things never changed for her. At this point, I let my boyfriend know that I never wanted to be alone with them while seeing the baby and they would never watch my child alone.

My son was born at the end of March at a hospital 2 hours away. We stayed there for about a week. My MIL posted our son’s birth announcement on facebook without saying a word to us. On the way home from the hospital, my FIL pulled up at my family’s house uninvited trying to figure out if they knew more about us coming home than they did. At his first doctor’s appointment, my MIL hadn’t even been invited to come meet him yet, but she worked near by and knew we had the appointment so she ambushed us in the Dr.’s office. In the two weeks we were home, she saw him 4 times. The third week was my bf’s first week back at home so we said no visitors because we wanted peace and to bond as a family. She pushed and pushed until we had to lay down a boundary that included the fact that we didn’t want people around him all the time because of germs.

The following Sunday, we decided to get out of the house and attend my grandmother’s weekly lunch. She went out of her way to drive by their house and send us an ugly text about us being there and that I need not text her again (referring to the boundary text). Maybe it was just my hormones, but I let her know that we tried to tell her nicely and what we did was none of her business. I let her know her stalking behavior was wrong and that I would be included in any and all communications/decisions regarding MY son whether she liked it or not. She proceeded to use the land we live (his grandma gifted him a couple acres) on to threaten me. I knew she would do this, which is why I created the rules I did for her before my son was born. There was more to it, but mostly between her and my boyfriend. His dad didn’t speak to him for a month and pulled up at my family’s house again after being asked not to several times. When confronted, he said “this is a free country. I can do what I want.” And bunch of other things making us out to be bitter, heartless monsters for wanting boundaries. My family did like him pulling up there either, but they’re non-confrontational and always too nice for their own good. Around the same time we found out that previously he had been telling people that went to church with them that I wouldn’t go and they wanted my bf to dump me.

We haven’t really spoken to them for months now and I don’t want to. I don’t want to participate in their fake BS and there is too much water under the bridge for me to forgive and forget. My bf may eventually speak to them again, but not without an apology. He agrees with me that they don’t deserve a relationship with our son, nor can they be trusted. A friend told us that might be taking things too far. The way I view it is that I didn’t have a relationship with them before, why would I now when they’ve proven how entitled and crazy they are.

My husband and I have been married for three years. for as long as we’ve been married we’ve been spending Thanksgiving with my family. On Christmas Eve, my family always has a huge wonderful party. But to compromise we would drive to my husbands mom‘s house first which has always been a long drive for us and then leave and drive to my aunts house. Christmas Day, we mostly spend with my family as well. My husband always puts up a fight about all of this and I put up a fight as well. I don’t like going to his family‘s house because they don’t celebrate the holidays in a very elaborate way. It always feels to me like they don’t give the holidays dignity. Most of them are wearing sweatpants, whereas my family will get dressed up make a whole beautiful meal and invite all of the Extended Family over for a large gathering and party. This year we will have our daughter who will be almost a year old for both holidays and I don’t want to be driving back-and-forth on Christmas Eve between two houses and I am not going to give in and go to his random half brother’s wife‘s house that the brother doesn’t even live with half the time for thanksgiving either. I say this say you all know that rotating the holidays is not in the cards for me. The way his family does holidays vs mine is light years different. We are in a huge fight about this, but I want give my daughter a beautiful experience of the holidays and not bring her somewhere to eat off of paper plates and smell like cigarettes after we leave. Anyone have a similar situation?

I’d like to edit to share that my husband enjoys my family very much and does not enjoy wearing sweatpants and paper plates to celebrate holidays. For him it’s just about seeing his mom and having our daughter know them too. I suggested we do something on Christmas Eve Eve then. Or perhaps host for Christmas Day. But I’m not going to spend 4 hours in a car with a 11 month old just to make an hour stop at his moms for a sub sandwhich and a face full of cigarette smoke. I’ll do it a different day but not on Christmas Eve when my family is yes having a “huge wonderful” party.

Currently me and my husband have the only grandchildren on his side of the family. MIL and FIL are your stereotypical boomers and cross boundaries, give outdated advice, have baby rabies and in general are kind of self centered and don’t think about how their actions affect us as parents.

For example: bringing 20+ cheapo plasticy toys with small parts for a toddler, constantly trying to pull up cocomelon videos on YouTube to show them, gifting loud or messy toys.

More examples: always make lunch reservations for the middle of nap time then complain when we decline, ask us to make long car trips with little ones regularly and act like we’re insane to invite them to our house instead, constantly try to overstimulate or oversugar our kids (who are under 3, by the way).

My husband’s sister is now expecting her first child. We’re hoping this takes some of the pressure off of us as the only parents.

If you had a similar situation, did things get better? Did grandparents start behaving better (or backing off)?

**ETA: added a few more examples above

So my in laws are staying with us for a week, to 'help' (and I use that word very loosely) with childcare during the summer break. We don't have a close relationship with them, let's put it like that. I find them both difficult, critical, negative people and brace myself for whatever random things they decide to criticise at every visit.

But this was a step beyond in my opinion and I guess I'm looking for views/advice from people without any skin in the game. We were all eating dinner earlier and my father in law suddenly said, voice raised in anger 'Shut up' to my husband because he had said something he didn't like.

The kids eyes were on stalks and I literally froze. It felt like there was silence for ages and then my husband broke the silence like nothing had happened and just changed the subject.

I am so livid on a number of levels.

1. what he said and how he said it

2. saying it in front of my kids, about their dad who they adore

3. potentially making them think that it is ok to talk to people like that

4. the fact my husband just swallowed it down, like he always does and later asked me not to make a fuss

I talked to the kids about it in the bath and the older one (6) said she didn't like it when he said that and I said I was so sorry they had to hear that and it was very wrong of their grandad to say that to daddy.

Where would you go from here? I am so upset.