r/inlaws

I need to be talked off a ledge… My husband’s entire family has been overbearing my entire pregnancy up to the point of giving birth where they stayed in the delivery room until my nurse kicked them out.

The grandmother stayed in the room while I was having a cervical check and the nurse and I didn’t realize she was there until I caught a glimpse of her under the nurses arm, staring at my vagina watching the nurse give me the cervical check. She also came over one day while I was in the middle of breast-feeding and my friend and I were struggling to cover my chest while they sat on the couch and she stared right at my boobs… This is just kind of a glimpse into how she is.

Well flash forward to today, my mother-in-law and she decided that they are going to let my son be naked on the porch and air his stuff out. Then she takes a naked picture of my son with EVERYTHING SHOWING and sends it to her out of town daughter.
And then laughs and tells me about it
I was stunned into silence and took him away to breastfeed him…
I am irate, my blood is boiling
My husband is out of town for work and I’ve only been married a year, so I don’t really know these people very well. What should I do?

Me and my partner live in the western United States, but his family lives out east. They are visiting next week for 8 days but this has been in the works for months. I’ve booked and planned EVERYTHING. Totally fine and expected. My MIL suddenly springs the idea of going on horseback rides. She booked them an hour away in 95 degree heat, completely disregarding the plans that have already been made. The craziest part: we own and live on a ranch. We have 15 horses. She already booked it and is requesting we pay for our share- $520 for a 4 hour ride. Needless to say, I’m pissed.

My lovely bf and I have been together for 3.5 years, he has great communication with me, always kind and loving, we have the same values and goals for our future, he is the best partner I could ask for and I love him so much. We both have good jobs and are looking to buy a house and eventually want to get married. I can easily tell him about concerns and he is always understanding and willing to try to fix the issue.
I met his family about 6-8 months into dating, initially the appeared to be super sweet and laid back but this didn’t last very long. After 3.5 years together hanging with his family goes like this: they tell us we need to go to their gathering, I swear they would throw a party for their 21y/o son taking a shit, that how often they need to have parties. for almost 2 years this happened every single week and they made us feel guilty if we said we might not attend, I usually sit in silence and on the rare occasion they ask me something I’m either cut off after a couple sentences or the mom or sister starts competing with me. For example they asked what sports I did growing up, I tell them I ran for 7 years at school and rode horses since I was 3. They asked my fastest times and told me they were minutes faster. The mom and sister love to tell me that the sister rode horses, yet don’t remember when and was extremely good yet they cant tell me the difference between English and western, tell me she jumped 5+ feet in a saddle with handlebars and she cut the horses toenails and shoed them every time she rode which was supposedly 1-2 times a week. I know it’s all BS but it’s still irritating. They brag how the sister has skied since she was 5, then when the mom asked when I started riding and said 3, she said “ well sisters been skiing since 2 and she’s a natural. If you try skiing you’re not going to be that good but you should still try.” I told them I’d try it but had no intention of doing it regularly because I really have no interest in it.
My bf and I went on vacation last year to one of my favorite places and all the sudden the sister tried booking a trip there for 2 weeks after we told her. Her friend bailed so she went to a similar place with her bf and his parents went out of the country and bragged about how the mountains they saw were so much bigger. They all asked about our trip afterwards and just compared it to how much bigger and better their trips were. Any time we tell them we wanted to go somewhere they have to go before us.
Before I stopped telling them my plans, they would ask where we wanted to go next and then book the vacation for themselves and beat us to it.
I mentioned my dream for when I get married and now the sister suddenly has the exact plan and told me I need to wait for her to do it first before I “copy” her. We went to a coworkers wedding which was huge but beautiful and when we had the parents over for dinner the mom said “I’m sure you want that huge wedding right” (she knows and has heard me say several times what I want) to which I responded “No, I still want the same wedding I’ve mentioned to you all several times, eloping in this National Park” to which she responded with a disgusted look. It’s crazy because before she was so supportive of it and since her daughter took over that idea she hates that I still want to do it. I told my bf and he assured me his sister is being dramatic and we’ll get married before them since she’s been with her bf for ten years and he hasn’t proposed despite her hounding him every single day for a ring. The parents and sister constantly judge the bf for not having the best job and how he’s so unmotivated. I feel bad for him.
His mom digs at my mom and I, asking why we don’t associate with my dad. One day I told her how abusive he was and that was why we don’t talk to him. She then proceeded to tell me how her dad was mean sometimes and how her coworker truly suffered abuse and what I went thru wasn’t that bad.
These people compete for every single thing even if it’s negative. I told them about an animal abuse case and they literally told me about how poorly they treated their last dog. I was so disgusted and my bf asked why they would even talk about that and the mom just giggled.
I love my bf and he stands up for me but these people are so competitive even if it’s competing for something bad and don’t even care to get to know me. Idk what to do or how to handle these people. It affects our relationship because it’s so awkward to bitch to my bf about his family, even if he agrees and his sister taking over our elopement plans is crazy even after calling her out she doesn’t care. Everything is fine when it’s just my bf and I but his family is so difficult.

I’m in the last few weeks of my pregnancy, and my sister-in-law is upset that my husband can’t stay at her house for a week to take care of her after her cosmetic surgery.

Mind you, this isn’t the first time she’s had cosmetic work done. A few years ago, my husband was there to take care of her after she had her lypo done. He’s always been the type to put family first and goes above and beyond for everyone he loves—including me, our children, and his entire family. He’s never been someone who refuses to help.

But this time is different. We have a newborn arriving any day now. We both feel that his priority should be being home with me and our baby, especially since I could go into labor at any time or we’ll be adjusting to life with a newborn.
She also has other adult children and a boyfriend (they don’t live together, but they’re still together), so it’s not like my husband is her only possible source of help.

What has us completely dumbfounded is how angry she is that he won’t be there for her cosmetic surgery. We understand wanting support, but expecting my husband to leave me and newborn for an elective cosmetic procedure feels unreasonable to us.

Are we missing something here, or is it fair to think that your spouse and newborn should come before an elective cosmetic surgery?

Dealing with MAGA in general is hard but has gotten increasingly hard to deal with family members who continue to support this administration. I’ve cut off most ties with my family who support MAGA, and the only family member I still talk to is my dad but I don’t see him and we only talk about baseball. Not that it makes much of a difference but he also isn’t outwardly spoken on it so it doesn’t come up in conversation and since losing my mom two years ago I just have continued that relationship with my dad because it was what she wanted and it’s within boundaries I can handle.

However with my husband’s family they’re the MAGA that I truly can’t stand. They have the t shirts, the stickers, bring it up in most conversations. Jokes are always about being “liberal” and they do bring up slurs. They’re very judgmental in public especially of pride stuff, which for me is truly the hardest part of being with them in public. I can’t stand the mentality or the behavior and I hate that it’s just written off as “being against their religion” rather than what it actually is which is “judgmental, hateful and gross”
My husband and I both have been very anti Trump and we do get a lot of guilt for being the ones in the family with that stance. Really because we are the one of the only ones in the family with that stance.

Now that I have a son, it is increasingly harder for me to have them around and it has shown. We only now see them one week out of the year and we used to do our best to see them more. I don’t ever speak with them on FaceTime and have left that up to my husband to maintain the relationship he has because I mentally just can’t do it anymore, but I still do have to manage the week out of the year which is coming up.

I guess what I’m asking is how do you navigate this while having an almost 2 year old son? I feel I have to respect my husband and his desire to maintain some sort of relationship but I do find it to be a true divide in morals and humanity and not the behavior I ever want my son to think is appropriate. If anything I want him to be someone who feels confident to call it what it is and be less like us to sort of walk on eggshells around it at points.

It’s easy for me to navigate my family but my in-laws I find it much harder and would appreciate any advice.

Divorcing my husband isn’t an option. Haven’t considered it but alot of feedback likes to allude to this. He actively tries his best to unlearn the gross behavior that surrounded him and has become increasingly vocal about things this last year when the topic is brought up. But he still loves his parents and I do understand that.

Thanks to anyone and everyone who takes the time to respond.

I won’t go into too much detail but my marriage is hanging on by a thread and was just threatened to divorce if I don’t “change” aka go see his family more.

Mind you- we just went on a small multiple day overnight getaway with SIL and her bf and my husbands cousins. Then two days after my husband went out with his family again to a big event. Now the family is asking for us to go over for a BBQ today. It’s all too much for me and i’m not used to constantly feeling like I have to be around the in-laws or even my own family that much. It’s just a difference in how I was raised and I am an only child. When I try to explain this, husband yelled at me and told me to “get it together or leave”, That “I don’t try at all” “we have different priorities and morals and values”. “Stop giving excuses” when I try to calmly level with him and hold my boundary. He won’t hear any of it. He left to go over there now and it ended really intense.

He also said to me “what am i going to tell everyone?! That you are lazy and don’t care about them and don’t want to try?” I asked him why he cares what other people think (it’s not that big of a fucking deal imo just say that i’m busy but say hello).

I can’t take this anymore every time the in-laws start popping up more and more I feel like I need some breaks in between visits and events. My husband is totally intolerant and is angry as F*ck at me.. it’s getting to the point where I’m actually extremely anxious prior to letting him know that I’m not going. He mocked me before he left saying “oh go run to reddit and talk to internet people” when all I am looking for is some outside opinions and solidarity because I genuinely feel like i’m going crazy.

We have an opportunity to subdivide a lot around 5-10 acres from our in-laws. We would have to put in power and a road, but we have connections to get that done extremely cheap. Our only hesitation is that we like our space. We live about 14 minutes away from them right now and it's been perfect. We see them once or twice a week but usually we go see them. Usually once a month or so they stop into our house. Usually we like our evenings to ourselves and if they come they call ahead of time. My concern is that my wife's father is great but hes very social and they might show up way more then we are okay with. They both love spending time with our children and we love that but with that gift they may not respect our boundaries abs that might cause tension. My wife mentioned her concern to her mother and her mother's response was we would change our mind over time and want more visits. And that we could visit them any time. I will preface and say her mother is one of the sweetest women I know so I dont think she meant anything bad by it but it does raise concerns. Any advice?

Throwaway account because my in laws are on here a lot. All names have been changed. I (39f) have been married to by husband (40) for 14 years. When we first married, my FIL was married to Karen who has since died. Before her death, FIL and Karen had been divorced for 5+ years. One point of hurt has been FIL allowing Karen to create a wedge between my husband, FIL and our children (ages 10, 9, 4). Karen and her daughter Jill (35) did awful things such as report husband and I to local DCF, which led to stressful investigations through the years, all of which were eventually dismissed and labeled as “malicious reporting.” We know it was Karen and Jill because husband’s sister Amanda admitted they were bragging about it. Amanda never cut off contact with Karen and Jill through the years because she likes to be friends with everyone and despite this, husband and I allowed Amanda to be part of our kids’ lives. FIL ended up divorcing Karen but we didn’t know he still had contact and a relationship with Jill. Fast forward to yesterday and our 4th of July picnic at FIL’s property. Who shows up but Jill. Husband and I were horrified and floored since FIL knows Jill and Karen actively tried to destroy our family by having our kids removed by DCF. We took our children and immediately left. Were we overreacting for leaving and would we be overreacting if we cut off all contact with them considering they choose to allow Jill to be part of their family?

TLDR: ex stepmother in law and her daughter lied to DCF and tried to have my kids taken away. Her daughter is now showing up at family events with my children. Should I cut off all of my in laws who associate with this female?

I have repeatedly asked my MIL not to share our business with other people. The other day she asked DH if she could share our news with his aunt/uncle. He said yes to telling those 2 people which is fine cause at least she asked. HOWEVER she proceeds to tell him that she has ALREADY told her sister and FILs side of the family at their family reunion. She's a piece of work. I just can't.

To make this short, my MIL and I have a long history together, I’ll spare the details. She has said some incredibly hurtful things to her son, including how she doesn’t understand how he has no empathy for anyone (he’s incredibly sensitive and empathetic), and has called him a liar and disrespectful. She told him that she didn’t need to be his mom anymore since he had another one (my mom). She is incredibly childish and somewhat manipulative. My FIL is so incredibly nice, but he always takes her side and tell my husband to let things go. I understand his actions, I do not judge him for standing by his wife.

The start of this story goes back to our wedding about 3 years ago. My SIL passed away unexpectedly 8 months before our wedding was supposed to happen. It was devastating and heartbreaking. I did my best to support my husband’s family throughout these times, while also trying to process my own grief (she was supposed to be a bridesmaid, I truly considered her a sister to me). I talked with my husband a lot before our wedding about his wants. I told him I understood if he wanted to postpone our wedding, or even cancel it. I really wanted him to feel comfortable with getting married after her death. Not once did he mention postponing or canceling. Any time this was brought up he immediately shut it down. He would always say “I want to marry you and celebrate with our family and friends. I know it will be difficult, but I want this for us”. However my MIL was not so supportive. She went through a very complex grieving process, at one point she even accused my SILs husband of killing her (absolutely not the case). She was a complete wreck, which was understandable, however she refused to get any help, and said that she was the “victim in the family, the one who lost the most”. This was really frustrating for me to watch, as her actions had a large effect on the rest of the family, who catered to her feelings. Again, I understood that she needed care and support, but it felt like everyone else’s feelings were set aside for her. She would frequently complain that she wasn’t involved in wedding planning, but when I asked her to help (I asked her to buy some linens that we picked out together) she put it off for months and never ordered anything. My own mom ended up ordering them, which infuriated my MIL. She’s always been very jealous of my mom, but that’s a story for another day. About 3 weeks before our wedding, she was taken to the hospital for wanting to hurt herself. I felt awful, and again offered to postpone the wedding so she could make it. She then said that the wedding was too stressful for her and that she didn’t want to go because it would be “miserable and the worst day ever”. She was very upset that my husband included his BIL in the wedding and insisted we take him out, and we refused. The day of our wedding, she cried most of the day, complained about her dress (which she picked), her makeup, her hair, the weather, you name it, she complained. I was really hurt by her actions, and finally months later I voiced this to my husband. He said that he noticed a shift in my relationship with his mom and that he figured that was the case and that he was disappointed that I couldn’t resolve the issue. Eventually, a conversation was had where she said she didn’t do anything wrong and that we should have postponed because she wasn’t able to function, let alone support her son. I was infuriated, I had offered to postpone for months, I attempted to include her, her family encouraged her to go to therapy, but none of that was enough. I would try to talk to my husband, however he hates confrontation and would often defend his mom when I would bring up my feelings. However, he would often talk about how his mom was “crazy” and that she hurt his feelings a lot. Eventually, a conversation was had where we tried to bring up our concerns, however we were met with verbal attack, she made a list of all the things we did to wrong her and talked about how we were so mean to her. The conversation was going so poorly, I thought my husband was going to storm out, however the conversation took a turn when she said her extended family noticed how “quiet and distant” I had been acting recently. I was so frustrated, as I had been dealing with some mental health stuff myself, including suicidal thoughts. When I brought this up, she immediately related to me and said she understood and asked why I didn’t just talk to her about it. I apologized, however I felt uncomfortable and told her I didn’t feel comfortable talking to people about my poor mental health. I was not happy that the conversation ended of a “good note” due to them feeling sorry for me. My husband disregarded the rest of the conversation and said he was happy to have everything put behind us, as if she wasn’t calling him a liar and other awful things 20 minutes before. However, I really wanted to just let things go, so I tried. I had a hard time, I really hung on to a lot of resentment, which really upset my husband. I am disappointed in myself that I can’t let it go. I’ve been trying very hard to let my guard down around her, and I feel as if recently things have been improving.

Unfortunately, yesterday things took a turn for the worse. We were hosting breakfast for some out of town family, who commented on a picture from our wedding that we had hanging up. My MIL then pipes in, “I don’t remember anything from that day, it was too close to when (SIL) died”. It obviously made my family and her family uncomfortable, however she continued to talk about it. She must have mentioned her “not remembering anything” about 5 times. Her family commented about how beautiful our flowers were, they were clearly talking to me, looking at me, engaging in a conversation, and my MIL still continued to say “I don’t remember the flowers, I don’t even know who was there”. It was awful, I eventually politely removed myself from the conversation. That evening, my husband brought up the comments and again called her crazy and said he was frustrated. I agreed with him and said it’s really hard to forgive her when she keeps making me feel bad. It’s been a strain on our marriage. He was clearly frustrated with her and myself and said he didn’t want to talk about it. I mentioned to him if he thinks couples therapy would be beneficial so we could maybe discuss when he was ready, however he said he didn’t want to and that he feels like I don’t like his mom and that he feels a need to defend her. However he then said he feels like he hardly knows her anymore since she has changed so much since his childhood.

I’ve been thinking about this whole situation this morning. Does anyone have any advice? I’m really stuck. I know I am by no means innocent in all of this. It’s all just so hard. TIA!

I have incredible in-laws. From the early days of dating, they were so welcoming and kind and have never made me feel like anything less than family.

Husband and I have been together for 5 years, married for one, and we have an 8 month old. We currently rent from his parents for a very reasonable amount, and are so grateful for the opportunity they gave us. We live 15 minutes from them, and we love our house.

We’re kind of throwing around the idea of moving in with them though. I would love to quit my remote job and focus on just raising my boy. In-laws are empty nesters now with 3 extra bedrooms and it’s been talked about, but always in a very light hearted manner.

There are so many benefits, like saving around $3k a month. I could work for a few months to pay off my car, other small debt, and get a good savings in. Then I could quit and stay home with the baby. We would have help with our son when we need it, and the household responsibilities (cleaning, yard work and cooking) would be split.

My husband would need to rent an office space since he runs his business from our home, and we would need a storage for all of our stuff that wouldn’t fit here. We would also have to figure out our cat situation since we have three cats. And I do want more children in the very near future.

It all sounds too good to be true right now. There has to be cons- what are they?? Has anyone ever lived with their in laws? What are all your thoughts?? I’m going to talk to my family too but it’s nice to hear from strangers.

We would definitely need a plan so that it’s not a permanent situation. They own an empty lot next to their house and they offered to let us build there.

Idk I just want some thoughts!

Long story short, my future in laws have made my engagement the most miserable few months of my life. We live in the US but are Indian originally so families do get very involved in wedding plans/often pay for it etc.

I feel like I’m losing my mind but genuinely open to views here. They have a narrative that my parents are controlling and that we are trying to do things our way, but I feel like they’re projecting. Some examples:

- my dad offered to pay/organize as he is in the position to financially and to minimize any stress on them (they are not a family that like to plan and openly say they get very stressed about this type of thing). I asked him to phase this carefully as I didn’t want this to come across badly, and he suggested they could gift us the money towards eg a house if they like instead. They didn’t want this which is fine and I do get it’s sensitive. But on the flip side, any suggestions I have made on venues or plans have generally been met with the response via my fiance that it is all too expensive (this is after lots of research and concluding the venue hire for places around us is similar so it is what it is). So my family isn’t allowed to pay to help out too much but equally my fiance and his family aren’t happy with the expense. I’m left in this endless loop.
- our living situation is taking time to resolve as my fiance has some issues to sort out. My parents have a small apartment rented out and said we could live there temporarily if we like to begin our lives together. His parents said (to my fiance) that this was highly inappropriate and that it is controlling behaviour. My fiance thinks similar to them. I truly cannot see why it’s so bad, I’d have been thrilled if they offered us this.
- they have said to my parents on more than one occasion that their other older child is their priority to get married first. Other child is not engaged. It’s a super outdated custom that I don’t think people back in India even do. I’m trying to push ahead and ignore this but i find it so insane that they could say this out loud.
- my cousin does events planning. I thought we could get some ideas from him as Indian weddings are a beast. They aren’t keen on his suggestions and my fiance as a result isn’t sure either. MIL sent ideas after 3 months of no contribution of ideas, most of which were entirely unsuitable for our guest size, or insanely expensive.

To me, I appreciate I am biased, but my family have tried every possible way to offer solutions to be helpful. I’ve set boundaries on how many guests my parents have, I’ve called them out when i disagree on ideas and they apologize/ accept what I say. His parents to me are very in the wrong here but I keep wondering if I’m not seeing their point of view.

Most of it obviously is whether my fiance can really hold his own here but am I wrong to think my in laws are a real issue? Or have I acted incorrectly?

Please let me know if maybe I’m just overreacting with my feelings and maybe just being “selfish” with my baby! Backstory we go to MIL house on sundays sometimes twice a week.

My MIL has been making me feel just weird here are a few examples

right after birth during the lactation nurse helping me she barged in unannounced with all of her kids as my girlies are completely out and my partner was upset and had them step out

After birth she went and bought a crib , a changing table , a bouncer and now she has bought the same exact swing we have for her own house but it’s very uncomfortable given my baby just cries when we’re over there and hates using any of it (I am grateful and fortunate btw)

When it comes to my baby crying she will not give the baby back to us and attempts to get her to calm down but she truly does not stop unless her dad or I get her sometimes dad can’t even get her to stop , we give her a paci here and there but his mom has literally pushed our hands away when we try to give it to her and then she proceeds to just say she smells your milk that’s why she’s crying she has even asked me to take off my shirt so she can put it on for my scent ..

We went ahead and took our baby to the zoo for the first time and she was super upset and made it a point to say “did he tell you I was so mad you guys didn’t tell me” because we didn’t take her

And final example I am choosing to baptize my baby given my religion and she then proceeded to say I would really rather you not because her religion doesn’t believe in that and that she wouldn’t go to the ceremony or to celebrate .. (not that it matters but all of her kids don’t follow any sort of religion)

Ahhhh!! I hate that I’m starting to build up this type of resentment towards her but I don’t know if it’s just my pp or would anyone else feel some type of way ?! Ty sorry this is long !!! My partner does understand and agree that yes she is extra but he says she doesn’t get to see the baby and I just cant imagine her seeing her more given how extra she is when we do go 😭😭😭😭 I even stopped going these past 3 sundays to avoid being annoyed but I just stay home and worry if my baby is crying or upset

My sister in law’s toddler has been hospitalized 2 times now with a final diagnosis of E. coli (was just discharged from the hospital yesterday after being admitted to pediatric medical unit, monitored and on IVs for severe dehydration, etc) still has symptoms and she thinks it’s a good idea to take him to the family picnic today where my kids were going to be too along with my pregnant self. Pot luck food, a little pool for the kids….

I do not think it is a good idea for her to take him anywhere right now as he should be in the comfort of his own home and recovering, but of course not- missing out on social events is just not a thing for my in laws. She thinks that this can just be treated like a common cold with good hand hygiene especially after diapering. I’m sorry but I have a teething toddler myself as well who is trying to put everything in his mouth and the potential for this to spread is just too high for me to continue with a plan to go to the picnic. thoughts? This family is well known to me for taking their sick kids places and exposing others to their sicknesses.

I’m not willing to take a risk and we are no longer going to attend the picnic. This seems to be a unfortunate pattern since again, they like to still take their sick kids to gatherings and I catch wind of it, then we don’t go— and my kids were looking forward to going and spending time with all the cousins. I’m sure I’m going to be talked about as the Overthinker or I’m just too much. Anyways, I’m doing what I can to potentially prevent this spreading to my little ones and I’ll still make it a fun day for my little family.

What would you do?!

Newly married.. Endless issues with passive aggressive in laws and left feeling unseen and undervalued. Have been told I must speak up the next time an issue comes up. Discussed going on holiday within the country a few times with hubby and was told we need to watch our finances and should wait a bit. Recently found out in laws are going on a cruise out of the country in a few months and he has said that will be contributing to funding this trip. Feeling hurt. Am I justified? Thoughts, opinions, advice appreciated..

My husband and I got married less than a year ago. We had a great wedding, but I really had to pinch pennies. My parents are lower middle class, divorced and single. There was a lot of tension with me and my family regarding the wedding due to financial aspects, but my in laws (who are very wealthy) helped us financially. Everything they said they’d pay for I went under budget. I was super easy with every wedding decision, I went with the least expensive options, I let my MIL do what she wanted and gave her free will wedding decision wise, and was overall grateful and it really eased my anxiety with my wedding. I couldn’t afford to do a big bachelorette so I kept it local (I’m not from here so none of my bridesmaids came/flew in, but one), and my mom couldn’t afford to throw me a bridal shower so I didn’t have one. I was fine with that.

Fast forward to my BIL’s wedding. Their entire wedding experience has been entirely different than ours. They chose the most expensive wedding venue in the most expensive city in our state (it’s a destination wedding spot) on July 4th weekend. My now SIL comes from money, and her parents paid for a lot of the wedding. My in laws also pitched in. During the wedding weekend, I heard several remarks about their contributions (there was a lot of tension between my in laws & the bride) and found out that they pitched in more financially for theirs than they did ours. Just one example, but my mom paid for my photographer. I got the cheapest one I could find. For this wedding, my in laws flew two photographers in from across the country to take Vogue worthy pictures and paid for it, including pictures at the rehearsal dinner. Overall I did the math with what they contributed to ours vs theirs and they paid significantly more for theirs. They also threw them an engagement party at their house and a newly wedded after party the next day catered with somewhere probably around 75 people. They didn’t do either of those for us. My SIL had a huge bachelorette and expensive bridal shower. My MIL paid for some of the bachelorette (she did pay for some of mine as well) and I’m not sure about the bridal shower.

Their entire wedding was treated so differently than ours as if theirs was more important. I wasn’t a bridezilla by any means (my SIL was at times and complained about how my MIL was acting the entire wedding planning process) so maybe they thought I didn’t care, but my feelings are really, really hurt.

My husband doesn’t care about the financial aspect, but he does constantly feel and express that they favorite his brother over him. They get his brother anything he wants, always invites him over (we live 15 min away and I work 5 min from their house - they never invite us over for dinner, take us out to eat, etc, but my BIL is over there several times a week) and constantly spend time with him. My husband has expressed this and gets into arguments with his parents, but nothing seems to change. I’ve always felt the favoritism between me and my now SIL with my in laws but it’s not my place to say anything. I now have a baby on the way, and I’m worried sick they’re not going to treat my daughter with the same love and affection as they do the other grandkids (my husband has a sister too with kids) solely because she’s our kid. These people are my only real family other than my mom and brother who live across the country. I don’t know I have so many mixed feelings and I don’t know what to say or how to handle it. My husband knows how I feel, but won’t say anything to them. At this point, I don’t want to see or talk to my in laws. I don’t want to see my SIL either because she tends to brag a lot and I don’t feel like hearing about it. I just want a break from them to gather my thoughts and to figure out how to move forward or if how im feeling is even valid. I love them a lot, but my feelings are really hurt.

I (30F) and my husband, Kyle (32M), got married three months ago. We had the most beautiful wedding surrounded by everyone we love who was able to be there, and it truly was one of the best days of our lives.
When I first met my MIL, (54), and my SIL(26). everything seemed completely normal. We saw each other for holidays, family dinners, birthdays, and other gatherings. I'd occasionally get invited to spend time with them, and I thought we all got along well.
The more time I spent around Kyle's family, though, the more I started noticing cracks in the family dynamic. It quickly became obvious that SIL ran the household. Everyone seemed afraid of upsetting her. Conversations would stop when she entered the room, and if she was in a bad mood, the entire family was in a bad mood. It was honestly exhausting to watch, especially seeing the stress it put on Kyle.
Eventually, Kyle moved in with me. Without any influence from me, he slowly began recognizing these unhealthy family dynamics himself and started putting the pieces together.
Things stayed relatively peaceful for a few years, even if they weren't perfect.
Then, after SIL got married, she announced she was pregnant. Everyone was thrilled. There were hugs, congratulations, and endless conversations about the baby.
At the time, I was a broke graduate student working toward my master's degree. I had very little money and no job, but I still wanted to celebrate her pregnancy. I bought several baby gifts and even checked with MIL beforehand to make sure SIL wasn't picky. MIL assured me she would be grateful for anything.
When SIL opened the gifts, she seemed excited and appreciative. I thought everything was fine.
Less than a week later, I was at my local thrift store. I'm an avid thrifter, and while browsing the baby section, I found every single piece of clothing we had bought her was hanging on the rack.
I was heartbroken.
I had spent money I genuinely didn't have because I wanted to do something thoughtful. My immediate assumption was that she had intentionally donated the clothes because she didn't like them. (We later found out that assumption was actually correct.)
Kyle wanted to handle it the way he always had growing up by talking to his mom first. Looking back, I realize this was the family dynamic he'd been conditioned to follow, and I agreed to it, even though I probably shouldn't have.
He called MIL, hoping for a calm conversation. Instead, she became upset that we had even brought it up. His stepdad told us we had "ruined their weekend with all this shit."
What should have been a simple misunderstanding turned into nearly a week of unnecessary family drama.
Watching the toll it was taking on Kyle, I decided to message SIL directly.
I sent a thoughtful message using "I" statements, explaining that I felt hurt by finding the clothes at the thrift store. I also acknowledged that I was wrong for immediately assuming she had donated them intentionally. I explained that I never wanted to create problems within the familyI was simply hurt.
Her response was half-hearted. She basically said she was sorry I found the clothes, insisted she wasn't a bad person, and that everyone makes mistakes.
I replied again, acknowledging her feelings and trying to move the conversation toward a resolution. She read the message and never responded.
Instead, she decided this wasn't an issue between her and I, it was an issue between her and Kyle. Rather than discussing my feelings with me, she chose to involve him instead.
A few weeks later, nothing had improved.
MIL eventually yelled at us, telling us the whole thing was stupid, that we needed to "get over this shit," and that Kyle should just fix it, exactly as he'd always been expected to do.
That was the moment Kyle decided enough was enough.
He started therapy, began working through years of built-up emotions, and slowly started setting healthy boundaries with his family.
Not long after,SIL gave birth. Kyle went to visit the baby, and during the visit he casually mentioned that, after what had happened, he probably wouldn't be buying any more baby clothes as gifts.
SIL laughed and replied, "Yeah, I wouldn't either."
That comment confirmed exactly what I had suspected all along.
Life moved forward, and after I graduated with my master's in 2023, Kyle proposed. We were excited to start planning our wedding, and for a while, it seemed like everyone was genuinely happy for us.
From the beginning, we decided we wanted a child free wedding. By "child-free," we meant children who weren't exclusively breastfed or otherwise completely dependent on their mothers. We were getting married at a private venue surrounded by ponds, open fields, and uneven terrain. We simply didn't feel it was a safe environment for young children, and it was the type of wedding we envisioned.
Apparently, MIL saw this as a personal attack.
For months leading up to the wedding, she repeatedly guilt-tripped Kyle, insisting that "family is everything" and that it was just unfair to not include family.
The frustrating part was that we had already made countless difficult decisions because of our budget. My grandmother had passed away just a month and a half before the wedding. My own mother died 11 years go. Other grandparents couldn't attend because of illness. We weren't able to invite all of our aunts, uncles, cousins, and extended family because we simply couldn't afford it. None of those decisions were personal either, they were just reality.
Despite all of that, the only thing MIL seemed focused on was her grandchildren.
Around this time, I started pulling back from Kyle's family. Unless it was an important holiday or Kyle specifically wanted me there, I stopped attending family gatherings.
It wasn't because I wanted to create distance. It was because my body had started reacting every time I knew I had to see them. I'd feel nauseous, anxious, exhausted, and constantly on edge before we even arrived. I realized I was spending every visit in fight-or-flight mode, and for my own mental health, I couldn't keep doing that. Over the years since my mom’s passing I have attended counselling to support my grief and trauma related to losing a parent at 19 and the fall out of everything around that.
I never once discouraged Kyle from seeing his family. In fact, I encouraged him to maintain whatever relationship he wanted with them. My boundaries were for me, not for him.
A few months before the wedding, an unexpected situation came up.
One of my bridesmaids approached us . She was exclusively breastfeeding her infant daughter, who refused bottles, formula, and even previously pumped breast milk. She didn't think she'd be able to attend the wedding without her baby.
Kyle and I talked about it privately. To us, the decision was simple.
She was one of my closest friends, and her baby literally depended on her for food. We decided that an exclusively breastfed infant wasn't the same as a toddler or older child running around the venue. If the baby needed to come so my friend could be there, then the baby was welcome.
End of discussion.
Meanwhile, SIL had another baby during our engagement. When it came time to RSVP, she told us her husband would stay home with their children because she didn't trust anyone else to watch them.
We respected that decision completely. She had every right to make the choice she felt was best for her family.
Kyle wanted to avoid surprises on the wedding day, so he called SIL to let her know about our decision regarding my bridesmaid's baby.
To our surprise, she seemed completely understanding. She said she knew babies have to eat and admitted it was disappointing that her children couldn't come, but she understood the difference.
Then Kyle called MIL.
That conversation went exactly as we expected
She immediately started crying. She accused me of making the decision, asked Kyle how he could allow this to happen, and kept repeating that we clearly didn't want family at our wedding. She even brought up how his grandparents, aunts, and uncles would supposedly feel about it, as though everyone would take her side.
At that point, we knew there was nothing we could say that would change her mind, so we decided to stop defending ourselves and move on.
The tension had been building for years, and it was becoming impossible to ignore.
The day before the wedding was our rehearsal.
Everyone arrived, but MIL wouldn't even acknowledge me. She avoided eye contact entirely and spent most of the rehearsal staring at my bridesmaid's 3 month old, sighing dramatically and shaking her head.
When I say everyone noticed, I mean everyone. Family members, friends, and even the venue staff commented on how uncomfortable the atmosphere felt.
After the rehearsal, everyone came back to our house for a casual dinner. My mom's two best friends had stepped in to help with any of the rehearsal dinner details and preparation, while we rehearsed at the venue.
MILs entire side of the family stayed outside. They only came inside long enough to grab food before immediately going back outside together, avoiding everyone else.
At one point,MIL announced that she was allowed to have a favourite grandchild "because she's Nana," then spent the rest of the evening interacting only with her grandchildren.
As everyone was getting ready to leave, SIL suddenly started crying.
Kyle asked what was wrong.
She said, "I just thought you'd make an exception for our kids. It really hurts that family won't be there."
Interestingly, she never once mentioned her husband not being there. Her entire focus remained on her children.
MIL immediately chimed in, saying she'd felt the same way from the very beginning before walking down the driveway in tears.
Kyle had reached his limit.
He simply shrugged, turned around, and walked back inside. There was nothing left to say.

Buckle up because this is some crazy MIL shit.

Got married a few weeks ago. Me (25F) and my husband (26M). My in laws have never liked me and we’ve been dating 10+ years (starting at age 15). I don’t really know why they don’t like me. Suspect it’s because I’m not a traditional housewife vibe (I’m in med school rn). Also suspect they wanted my husband to marry into a more “elite” family if you get the vibes. My family has always welcomed my husband as one of their own. He is extremely close with all members of my family.

Here is what they did in wedding weekend alone:

- MIL told me on rehearsal dinner night: “my husband and I swore we would never support this, but here we are I guess”

- MIL told everyone that my husband didn’t want to go to the after party and that we are just doing it because I wanted to (not true at all. My husband actually planned it)

- MIL came up to groom and I during cocktail hour and said “do you regret any of this yet?” Then said “are yall excited for this to be over?”

- husband gifted me a puppy as a wedding gift. MIL said “I’m more excited for the dog than this wedding” to my bridesmaids

- MIL refused to do mother/son dance at last minute and her friend had to coax her into it

- MIL ripped up a *very very* large check from her brother addressed to us (thousands)

I was shocked because my father in law is usually the one to stir up trouble but he was honestly on his best behavior for wedding weekend. Luckily on the wedding weekend, this did not affect me at all. I had the time of my life and didn’t think twice about all this shit because my husband and I ignored it. But now that we are a few weeks out… I’m starting to realize how bad some of these things were. My husband is very supportive of me and realizes his family is crazy. He wants to talk to them about their behavior on wedding weekend.

However, he still love them because they are his parents and family (understandable lol). He still wants to spend holidays with them in the future and wants them to be involved in our lives.

Any advice on how to navigate this?? Obviously I just wanna say fuck yall and never see them again but that’s not fair to my husband either.

We've been going through the last few months of reports while there hasn't been moderators, and honestly, some of them are laughable

We will not be removing posts and comments because they are

- not in English
- too long
- disagreeing with you

Someone disagreeing with your post is not "Targeted Harassment" - that's when they follow you across reddit

Someone disagreeing with you is not "Targeting a protected class" - that's for people being racist or sexist

Someone disagreeing with you is not "Not Being Respectful" - calling you insults is.

Someone posting screenshots with names redacted is not "personal information"

Someone posting about their boyfriend's mother is not "not about in-laws" - for the purposes of this sub, your partner's family is enough. Not everyone gets, or wants to get married, so this is explicitly allowed.

And currently we have no rule about anyone being able to post their side. We had people referring to "Just Nos" in their report which isn't our community. If someone posts here who might be the problem, then let them.

We're trying to let you self-moderate - If someone's talking absoulte shit, you're allowed to disagree. You're allowed to downvote.

This might change in the future, depending on what the community needs, but please stop reporting everything. Downvote or move on or leave the community if you need something different.