u/SirenSong_xx

My husband and I (both 31) got married in April. I’ve been around his mom a total of 6 times I believe (He and I met in Texas and moved to Minnesota last year, she lives in Colorado) and every interaction has been pleasant. This time however, it was a complete 180. His mom, step-dad and sister came up to visit for a week and a half and we spent this past weekend with them. She’s made some very odd, borderline offensive and shady comments.

I’ll say this because it’s relevant to what follows. I’m half black, and very obviously and noticeably so. My husband is white along with the rest of his family.

All of these examples are out of order from this weekend. They’re just in order of what came to mind first.

We were gathered at his brothers house and she mentioned that I look like Ariel, the little mermaid. I have very thick black curly hair and tan skin. Before I could respond my husband says “You mean, from the new little mermaid right?” Most people know, but if you don’t, in the live action movie Ariel is played by Halle Bailey, a black woman with locs. She proceeds to respond in disgust with how much she hates that they changed the character and that it looks nothing like the real Ariel (A cartoon character with red straight hair, which as you can deduce, I look nothing like). She goes on for a little while about this and I just say that I think they should just stop doing remakes because it causes too much drama. This shut the conversation down and we move on.

Later we were playing a card game and she made a comment that I need to learn how to shuffle when I gave the deck to my husband and I said “No I don’t” in a light joking way. I was done with her.
I was rubbed the wrong way so many times.

She complained all day that the boat we rented on Sunday was so dirty and gross and she couldn’t enjoy the day because of how bad it was. It was NOT that bad. Everyone else had a great time and no one was complaining. I was just happy to be on a boat! She complained about some black dog hair that’s was left behind. His brother and brothers wife lost their black dog a week ago and his wife whispered to me that the hair was comforting. She also has not acknowledged the dogs death and quickly changes the subject when she is brought up. She also freaked out because my dog stepped on a picnic blanket at the beach on Saturday and I felt so awkward for the rest of that time and kept my dog by my side because I was confused by her behavior and didn’t want anything else to happen.

Then at dinner last night she made a comment of how happy and impressed she was that his brother and brothers wife sent her a thank you card for a check she had sent them and how other people just say “yep the check cleared”. It was so shady and unnecessary! She gifted us a check IN PERSON for getting married and we thanked her IN PERSON. No we didn’t send a thank you card as that’s not something we do, all appreciation and thanks we’re given IN PERSON.

I come from very humble beginnings and she seems very snooty. More than I can handle and fake along with.

After 3 days of this I was very quiet at dinner last night and my social battery is drained.
My husband completely agrees with how I feel and has apologized for how she acted.

We are supposed to have dinner with them again on Friday before they leave and maybe hang out on the weekend and I just can’t. Would I be wrong if I pretended to be sick?
I’m just exhausted and disappointed.

I (31F) don’t even know if this is narcissism or some other aspect of mental illness but my mom called me at 10 PM the other night to tell me that my brother (32) had some series of events happen that were actually really sad from my perspective. He’s had a lot of issues with drugs and alcohol in his adult life and he has multiple children and a now ex-wife that have had to see this unfold. She thought this story was funny and was telling it in a gossipy way.

I just listened and let her finish. We have the wild fires going on right now, I live on the US side of the boundary waters and I was nursing my own panic attack right before she called. The rest of my family including her, live in the south. When she was finally done, I told her this news made me sad and that I was not in a good headspace to hear it. I told her I didn’t want to hear anymore stories like this. She just said okay and then we talked about the wildfires.

For years I’ve had to remind my parents not to share any of this information with me. I’ve tried to set boundaries and they are respected for a time but then they eventually forget and tell me something else.

Themes such us them having to look for him in the streets, drama with women he’s dealing with, drug and alcohol binges, him being jumped/attacked, arrests, homelessness, things happening with his children around.
These are not his proudest moments and they’re being shared with laughter.
Maybe it’s their way of coping but it’s far from mine.

I’m sad for my brother and for his children.

It’s crazy because she has brought him in to help him many times and yet she carries on like this.
It’s confusing and painful.
I have major fears of him dying from this or something bad happening and these stories don’t help.

Just venting.

I’m a medical receptionist and every now and then a patient will wink at me as we’re wrapping up their check-in or check-out 👀 Sorry if I sound like I just got to this planet but I’m new to the northern U.S. and I don’t remember this being a thing in the state I’m from. I’m a woman and I’ve seen both genders do this. Is it a part of normal human interaction? Does it make anyone feel weird when it happens? Depending on the vibe of the person I can sometimes feel the intent behind it being friendly, a power play or flirtation. Sometimes it feels benign and sometimes I’m caught off guard. Is it even something worthy of discussion? Please let me know your thoughts!