How often a day do people think about it? I'm 38 and the ranges I've heard is 0-constantly. I've been told it's not necessarily normal. I have I hard time believing it.
This popped up on my YouTube feed and oh my god I’m laughing so hard. This girl says her mom never supported her dreams of being a pop star since childhood because it wasn’t a “legitimate” career (typical Boomer mindset of wanting an ivy league graduate) but then when she was 19 out of nowhere her mom had a midlife crisis and decided that SHE was gonna be a pop star and then proceeded to make a whole album and shove it in her face. 😭 Mind you, she’s a terrible singer with no actual talent and the daughter is the one who was clearly naturally gifted at singing and made the mother jealous. Wow! And I thought my mom was crazy! 🤣 Lmfao. I’m glad she’s telling her story though. I’m all for shitty parents being exposed!
Just the worst beach since I was born. Awful, awful human. Everyone that agrees with her is just as bad.
I genuinely don't know how she made friends, what I remember about some of her friends is they were horrifically controlling.
She's worse than a nightmare, she's just a shit parent.
Narcissistic parent (mostly emotional abuse, some physical) has tracked my address down for the 4th time in 7 years (im a grown adult now obviously). I seriously don't know what to do at this point: they keep sending cards/gifts to my KIDS (my kids have never met the parent...Ive never even told the parent the kids exist but they've tricked extended family members into sharing kids names/birthdays/photos/info). Im seriously concerned that they may try to pull some crap (showing up at our house, going to the children's school, taking the kids?? Can you tell I'm spiraling) now that they have our address.
Here are the options as i see them (feel free to add any you can think of): -Option 1: get family law protective order so at least there may be reprecussions if he keeps sending stuff to our house or if he ever shows up -Option 2: do nothing, let him send mail while maintaining no contact and hope he doesnt escalate -Option 3: lie that we moved again to extended family (that has been slipping info to him) and get a po box in a random city to 'redirect' the parent away from our actual location -Option 4: something else?? HELP
Should I seek a family law protective order? A domestic abuse advocate thinks I have a good shot at getting one if I have proof ive asked them to stop (like letter from an attorney or something asking them to stop contacting me) and I document any further mail they send (to show pattern of 'harassment' or 'stalking').
Ive already been no contact with this person for over 8 years, but it seems to have no effect on their fervor to keep tracking down information about me and/or my kids. I can't tell if they are escalating/building up to something or just continuing the behavior to feed their own sob story about how 'good of a grandparent they are for continuing to soldier on even though I wont let them see the kids'. If they just want to send cards and gifts but for the most part leave me/my kids alone then fine, whatever at this point! But this person is absolutley OFF THEIR ROCKER when it comes to pulling LIFE ALTERING stunts to screw with people that have "wronged" them -- poisoned my dog, got a family member arrested by making crap up....you get the picture. Im concerned that even doing the whole "please stop with any contact" step through a lawyer would be perceived by them as a MAJOR invitation to escalate their behavior. But without sending that, I can't proceed with any protective order steps. Without a protective order, I have absolutely no protection if they do show up and try to pull something.
PLEASE help me decide what to do; im at a loss for how to keep my kids safe.
For context: The parent is the "saint" type of NPD (lots of volunteering, everyone swears they are just the "nicest", etc), but they have a real penchant for being abusive through legal systems (false accusations that resulted in an erroneous arrest, divorce proceedings, tax fraud, etc).
Does anyone else have parents that only care about your hobbies if you care about theirs first? For example, my mom has never liked my music taste even though I listen to many genres, and even though I stopped sharing my music to her, she still brings up her taste as much as possible. If a song she likes is playing at a store, she will always tell me who made the song and her personal connections to it, despite me showing no interest at all. It's really weird and annoying
I was thinking about how my mother will never take accountability for all the things she did to me. and it made me think that she actually DID apologize
but it never seemed like she actually meant it.
for example, if she yelled at me because she was in a bad mood cause the printer didn’t work for her (this happened so many times throughout my childhood lmao)this is how it would go
”I’m sorryI shouldn’t have been snippy with you, it’s just the printer wasn’t working and being mean to me and you know how it is. I just really wanted to print this thing I found on Pinterest that I thought looked really nice and it just wasn’t working for some reason and I tried everything to fix it. (goes on and on about the printer) so will you forgive me? I’ll try not to do it again” then I’d mumbled yes and she’d make me not mumble or it not believe me and freak out which is fair cause I knew she was just gonna do the same thing in like 5 hours.
anyway I just sort of realized those apologies were never real and just wanted to rant about it lol
Look out for my obituary in the next several days. I'm scared. haha.
As the title infers, I'm an only child. My mom suffered multiple miscarriages after having me and stopped trying because it was too hard on her.
my dad is the narcissistic parent, and I was essentially brainwashed by him for my entire childhood, not to mention the constant emotional/mental abuse. as a kid, I wanted siblings really badly because I was extremely lonely and isolated, and the few friends I did have all had siblings. I learned about sibling relationships through my friends ... I never admitted it to myself, but I also wanted a witness to what my dad was doing to me, because I was convinced nobody would listen, that there was something wrong with me that made people not want to listen to me.
looking back on it now, I am eternally grateful I don't have siblings. no child should have to go through what I went through, so I'm glad it was just me. not to mention having siblings would've made things worse, especially if I had a brother - my dad always said he didn't care what gender I was so long as I was healthy when I was born, and even though I was a tomboy and enjoyed doing the things he did (hiking, snowmobiling, camping, fishing, etc.), in retrospect, I know he would've preferred a boy because a boy might've been easier to manipulate. he always got along with his friends' sons better than he did with me, and I always wondered what they had that I didn't.
what sucks is that I was a "daddy's girl", and that unconditional love and adoration I had for him wasn't reciprocated.
Sometimes, it's what happens after.
You finally leave, but your mind doesn't leave with you.
You still rehearse conversations that happened months ago.
You wonder if you were actually the problem.
You feel guilty for setting boundaries.
You over-explain yourself because you're afraid someone will misunderstand you.
You apologize even when you haven't done anything wrong.
And sometimes, you miss them.
Not because you want the abuse back, but because your mind still remembers the moments when they were kind, loving, and everything you hoped they could be.
That's what makes healing so confusing.
You're not only grieving a person.
You're grieving the relationship you thought you were going to have, the future you imagined, and the version of yourself that existed before you started questioning your own reality.
Healing isn't suddenly waking up and feeling nothing.
Sometimes healing is simply realizing:
"I don't need to understand why they treated me that way in order to choose a life where I am treated better."
And maybe that's enough for today.
What was something you had to unlearn after leaving?
Today the cycle broke, the past is past and I'm not my parents, I never will be. 25 years ago I woke up alone, went to get my exam results alone, got a call asking how Id gone, then went to work as a waitress from 3 to 11 serving food to families celebrating. Today we went with my child to pick his results up, hugged him and told him how proud we are, we stood like idiots while he celebrated with his friends, then drove him 2 hours to a shop that sells something he really wanted. My son will always knows he's enough, he will never doubt he is loved. The burden of feeling worthless is not something I will pass on, I won't pass any of that on.
...And if not, I'll apologize and quietly leave.
I'm 29F, still living with my parents. I'm not allowed to find a job or date (although that's too late for me now anyway). I feel I'm controlled way too much at home, but it's not outright malicious. Just things like not being allowed to keep my hand towel in the bathroom or use a pillow. My foods are everyone's property and I have to cook my own meals (I get to eat with my family on weekends, though). Latest advancement is having my bathroom priviledges taken away, because mom doesn't like to wait while I use the bathroom before going out (spurred on by a period-related disaster that took me a while to manage while they were waiting for me).
I'm not entirely sure if this is a suitable subreddit for me, since my mother isn't a narcissist, at least she says so.
I’m in my last weeks of pregnancy, feeling extremely irritable, tired and uncomfortable. My nmom keeps pestering me that she NEEDS to see me while I’m still pregnant (what it means to her and how it affects her life, I don’t really understand but of course she decided I needed to comply). I told her that I was not in the mood and didn’t feel like talking nor hanging out. She still calls every day. Sometimes I answer and then she lectures me about being rude and moody.
Then it came to me, she’s been doing that all my life. When she was annoyed or in a mood (which was pretty much every waking hour) she would take it out on us by just finding reasons to scream and yell. When i was in a bad mood I would just “announce” it and go to my room to be alone. But she would never let me, she would find things for me to do, come into my room with “important” thing to discuss and then she would yell at me for being in a bad mood and being an extremely difficult person. Basically i am asking for a little peace and quiet and she doesn’t want to leave me alone until I snap. And then she calls me rude, selfish, always angry etc. I don’t understand what she has to gain from that? Is it the opportunity to play the victim again? How can I fight it?
So, I met a buddy who’s husbands in the hospital last night and I really didn’t feel like going out and such, but for a friend, yes I shall. My mother knows my father’s chaotic behavior and let me know when he was on his way home (also kinda odd that he sends updates, almost as if to keep tabs). Anyway, my mother let me know he was enroute so I called it and left.
Welllllll, he got home before me, almost seeming drunk and proceeded to rant about “what did I say about going out during the week” and how it scares him when I’m not home (I AM 30 AND AN EMT! My weeks aren’t M-F)
He really believes I should only ever go out with him, obviously for control, obviously to keep track.
Anyone else?
It’s so sad how crazy this sounds but how it’s actually reality.
Did anybody else's mom do this? My mom has this very specific look and silence of disapproval when something is horrifically bad in her opinion. Kind of like when Miranda in The devil wears Prada purses her lips - disaster.
I once cut my hair rather short because I was struggling with chronic illness, hair falling out and being dry and shapeless. I was afraid because I loved my long hair, but I went for it. It turned out super cute !! So much healthier and prettier. I finally felt somewhat okay in my own body again.
I showed her and asked what did she think. Silence. I was the one pumping it up, twirling around, showing her how it flows, smiling from ear to ear. Desperately filling up the silence with my own praise for it because the silence was so deafening and awkward. She just kept staring at me with the stare that I've seen so many times, not saying anything, looking me up and down, judging me. I knew she thought it looked horrible. I'm also overweight so I know that she thought it emphasized that (she is a chronic fatshamer, always has been, just like the rest of my family).
She couldn't just be happy that I was happy. She couldn't appreciate that for once I felt okay about myself after going through really bad changes during that time when I first got sick (I still am). She would do the same thing about clothes, my makeup, the way I looked in certain outfits. Other people would genuinely praise me and make me feel good about myself, she wouldn't. Sometimes they don't even need words to hurt us.
Curious if anyone else also experiences this. Recently my parents went on a trip (a pretty regular thing for my mom and she always tends to dump all the home and family responsibilities on me every time and I'm super over it). Anyway, more to the point, my house has been empty for about a week and a half and I still feel on edge. My body tenses up and I still hear everything going on in the house even though my mom isn't home. These things normally happen when she is home but I feel like I should finally be able to relax knowing she's not going to be home for a while and the relaxation piece never seems to come. It's like my body is stuck bracing for impact nonstop regardless. Eventually I hope to move out but I'm nervous that when I do I still will always be on edge waiting for my mom to come in and suck the life out of me every time I start to relax.
Thanks for reading any thoughts or advice are welcome
Good parents want their children to exceed their own accomplishments. My parents will often mention how they struggled and the quiet part is that means I should have to struggle as well. I’m envious of my friends in high school who have gotten ahead in life because of their parent’s emotional maturity and their willingness to help where they can. All these friends work but the icing on the cake is that their parents helped with a mortgage or gave them a sum of money to help them get ahead in life. My parents are boomers who think things are equal today as it was when they were my age (like most boomers). I am no contact and it’s partly because I realized they got a sick pleasure from withholding and watching me struggle.
I’m finally ready to leave my “husband” after 10 years and 3 children oldest being 8 youngest being almost 2. I am tired of being with a narcissist and being with an emotional/financial abuser. I have no money to my name besides the cleanings from my own business (thank god I have that) but I have no savings. I live cleaning to cleaning. My childcare consists of family bc I can’t afford a daycare. Even if my “husband” Is home I still have to call someone bc he can’t be bothered to stay with his own offspring or makes every excuse as to why he can’t (work or exercise… mind you we are broke and barely paying our bills because he is not working the way he should. Also, I don’t mind him exercising or going to work out three days a week on his own time BUT when I want me time, it is impossible with this man)
Full of debt from my marriage over the last decade due to other circumstances that makes things a bit more complicated. I don’t even know who I am. I cry all the time. My role in this home is diminished all the time because of my husband. He calls me names and belittles me. I beg him to stop bc it hurts my feelings and he continues to do it. I cook, clean, take care of the kids and work and he comes home and lays around. He’s not present for his kids. I’ve begged for years. Years. I’ve been medicated. I’ve been on antidepressants and anti anxiety meds. Both were horrible for me so I weaned off per medical advice (thank god I self
Advocated!) I couldn’t feel like a zombie and be depressed at the same time. That was after our 2nd child. Things got better until I got pregnant with my third who was a massive shock and surprise. I am now realizing that I struggled with prenatal depression and postnatal depression in my 3rd pregnancy both very early in my pregnancy and my postpartum up to today… Nine days away from being two years PP. I realize now it was never me. It was him.
I guess my question is… how do I begin this process and protect my mental health? I know my husband is also struggling with depression but the way he was brought up… they brush off mental health issues like it just needs a bandaid. My husband has refused therapy for years cause “I’m the problem”.
My parents/family see through him like glass. They are fully supporting me and just want me to tell them when so they can start the process to help me. My own mother said “I will put myself into whatever debt I need to help you out of this”. I feel so horrible having to put this on my family but they’ve seen my struggling for years. I know this man will make my life a living hell the moment I present to him I’m leaving. I love him so much but I’ve built up so much resentment it hurts. I’ve been so anxious and depressed for so long I wake up to my body literally buzzing. I feel physically sick when I wake up every morning and I’m dry heaving or vomiting. I’m not well. It’s rubbing off on my kids and we deserve better. Where do I start?
- a single married mom who wants and deserves better for her and her children.
When my father fights with us, when he gets overly mad, he just goes full retard and starts mocking us and making dumb faces and speaking extremely illogical with zero reasoning. It's like his brain shuts down and he has no idea what he's doing. It's hard to describe unless you see it. He absolutely would never behave this way with anyone outside the house. But when I see him act like that, I think he's definitely suffering from a mental disorder or chemical imbalance. I really thinks he blacks out and he's just suffering inside and has no control over what he's saying. It's like an inner demon just coming out.
I wish he was like this with everyone, then I can say that's just how he is. But it's only with my mom and siblings. Outside the house with strangers, he's a coward and very weak. His 5 sisters all treat him like dirt but deep down he still loves them no matter. They can cuss him out and he'll just sit there quietly and take it. But if we say 1 wrong word to him, he reacts crazily and starts shouting out insults. He is literally like Jekyll and Hyde.
I'm probably not alone in feeling like because I was the youngest, the black sheep and on the spectrum, whatever I had going on mattered the least, or not at all.
Sure every parent has been harsh to some degree on their children regarding things they wanted but surely the line stops before passions, career choices and hobbies.
I still get angry at how little I respected myself after internalzing that I didn't matter for roughly 25 years and some.
Anything you guys want to say on the matter or share how this resonates with you, let's help eachother feel less lonely.