My lab does fantastic on road trips and camping, but I am always on the look out for ways to better her care in the outdoors.
light up collar, elevated dog cot, and water bowl with a lid are our stand out essentials for camping with our dog.
we also pack her some enrichment chews if needed, but we do let her steal from our fire wood pile on the occasion
My BIL (26M) and his now wife (28F) decided to get married with less than 2 weeks of planning. Despite having no time to properly plan, a court house wedding was below them. They wanted all 6 of the groom’s siblings and the bride’s sister to be available for a full weekend 3-4 hours away with less than 8 days of notice. One sister cancelled her child’s birthday party, another needed medical permission to travel 38 weeks pregnant, and my husband and I postponed our wedding anniversary trip.
To add to the guest’s responsibility, my BIL needed assistance with every aspect of the wedding. BIL booked a touristy AirBNB and feigned military orders to have the Host overlook the occupancy limit and event rules. My BIL had chosen my husband as his best man, which just meant we were in charge of much of the logistics. Husband hauled the event tables and chairs 4hrs away, did the set up and take down, paid for the rehearsal dinner and handled the BTS of the operation. I did the weekend photography, babysat the kids, helped the bride with her HMUA, assisted in the setup/takedown and helped BIL through the planning. My FIL and his other brother also contributed to see the day through too. The wedding did have a beautiful ceremony and now can be a fond memory, but my husband and I were rushed and separated for nearly the whole weekend.
During the event, the bride and groom had thanked us and made promises of some grand appreciation gesture. In the weeks after, I received a flimsy hair clip and expired sheet mask as a thank you basket that was given to everyone because it also included a QR code to their wedding registry.
Edit: removed the “had to”s from sibling’s plans for that weekend
My DH and his 6 siblings planned to gift their Father a weekend stay in the city that their parents got married for their 27th year anniversary on Father’s Day. In addition to the hotel, they also prepaid dinner and an activity and gave cash. It is truly a deserved gift for both of his parents, who have sacrificed much to raise their large family and we were all excited to gift.
We arrived first and already disappointed FIL by not bringing a dish he did not ask us to bring, but expected in addition to what we said we’d bring. The rest of the siblings arrive, all with a dish but no physical gift in hand as the eldest was waiting for everyone to arrive before presenting the gift. FIL jokes about the lacks of gifts and brings up how he wants a specific $3000 jetski to DH. DH shows polite interest but maintains a position that we need to do more research.
Finally, we present the gift- first the certificates, then the cash and finally the hotel reservation. The eldest shares a touching speech and memory connecting all the gifts together, it’s thoughtful and so sweet. Mom tears up in gratitude, no words but the sentiment is felt in the room. Dad keeps reading the printed reservation, looks of disbelief. We think he’s excited. Then he opens his mouth.
“I love this, but I wanted to take Mom to Hawaii”. He further explains himself that Mom always wanted to go to Hawaii and that for their 25th year they were supposed to go but couldn’t afford it. FIL then digs that DH mentioned taking me to Hawaii for our 10 year anniversary soon. He kind of held empty palms to DH saying that 27 years married deserves Hawaii more than 10 years dating/married.
The eldest is obviously a third parent and peace keeper, so he starts playing videos of the resort that they’ll be staying at. Mom jokes that FIL can still take them to Hawaii after their anniversary, but FIL jokes back that maybe that’ll be the gift they receive next year. The resort does look phenomenal, so FIL eventually warmed up to it with enough videos.
I still have good feelings about the gift we gave, but yeah maybe not again. Husband and I didn’t go over budget for the gift this year so a win is a win.
Edited to fix grammatical errors/ rephrase specifics
I’ve had my tumbler composter for 2 months and it’s breaking down the organic matter very well. Recently, I started to notice small balls forming that I can very easily break up with my hand.
The compost was warm, damp and didn’t smell. Any ways to prevent the balls of compost from forming? Should I go in with a trowel and break the small ones I do have up?
I need to schedule an in-office procedure per my care team’s directive. The department I go to for this care team is in Manteca. The Stockton Department reached out to schedule my procedure- I go to the Manteca Center, so I asked to be scheduled there out of convenience. The Stockton Center understandably can’t schedule the procedure, but will message Manteca, was told to expect a call in 24 hours.
It’s been two days, so I figured I’d call Manteca Kaiser Center, Operator directed me to the correct department, and call wasn’t picked up. I called the 1-800 Appointment and Advice line, to which the Representative told me that they cannot schedule my appointment because it includes a medical procedure. I reached out to the Kaiser in-app help desk, which referred me to a local Appointment and Advice line and was given the same information.
Definitely did not want to bombard the department with inquiries to schedule my appointment, but their office is only open during my working hours. I haven’t missed a call, but have missed these calls for past procedures due to my work schedule. I literally just wasted my lunch trying to call all of these numbers to get in touch with the department.
I know it’s the way the system needs to work as the department knows the doctor’s actual schedule, but it just is not feasible for a 9-5 worker to be available at all times to receive the call just to schedule an appointment.
Maybe this is just a humble brag post, but I don’t care.
Husband and I have been together 10 years, since HS so I was 15 and his eldest sister was 27. Even 12 years my senior, she’s always been very immature and victimized herself. She’d exclude me, insult me, and laugh about me. She’d even scratched my face out of a family photo. She’d cry anytime Husband confronted her, since I was making him choose me over family and disrupting the family peace. For 7 years, I tried to mend our relationship; I basically apologized like it was a blank check. “Husband stopped hanging out with So&So? My fault, what a controlling and isolating bitch. ” Sorry, SIL, I didn’t realize his friendships from HS meant so much to you; that was totally rude and affects you deeply. You’re totally right to just assume that their falling out was my fault. Sorry, SIL, announcing our engagement and having a wedding was super rude of us because you’re having a hard time dating. Literal years of apologizing for things that didn’t affect her or things taken WILDLY out of context.
I decided 3 years ago, that I was done. Surprisingly, me not taking her shit anymore made her lose interest eventually. We’re amicable in person at family events, but I don’t like her character and only engage in group settings. Anyways, her inability to take accountability is the reason she’s in the position that she is. She is 37 and works a dead end job. She has been a single mom for 8 years and needs their parents to help financially support herself and her child. Her love life is what it is and she has no friends, only cousins/sisters who have a familiar obligation to be close to.
She recently had problems with her parents and they kicked her out (literally only for a day). She came to the house that I purchased before husband and I married. No, you can’t stay with us but I can take child to swim camp tomorrow since Mom normally does it. Now she’s crying that she has no one to turn to. She acknowledged that we had problems before, but we’ve been okay for the last 3 years. Completely ignored that it was my distancing myself from her that made her abuse stop and I received no apology from her whatsoever in 10 years.
I told her that I would not allow her child to be without a bed and a meal and that the child can stay by themself (have already babysat on my own for the last 6 years) but any further contact would be through husband. Husband also shares how I feel about her, but is more cold and distant.
Also, her parents were not kicking out her child, just her. She just wanted to force her child to suffer her consequences too, so she’d have a pawn to manipulate someone into letting her stay. Ended up staying with a different brother who felt some type of way about us not letting her in, “everyone can be forgiven”. I admit he is a better Catholic than I ever could be; he resents her sometimes too but good on him for putting it aside for family.
It’s really fucked up to realize but I actually felt so good telling her no. Maybe I am the bad guy, still but I own it.
Family camping trip this year is on 4th of July weekend. Our dog is a 7 year(?) old lab; being a former farm dog, she does fantastic on camping and hiking trips. She doesn’t bark, is great on a stay, and maintains at most a 10ft radius distance to me when not tethered/leashed (but she will be for the trip). She doesn’t have a prey drive/give chase, but her recall is semi-reluctant although consistent. She’s been indifferent to deer, cattle, and even a brown bear- the camping aspect doesn’t phase me at all, it’s more the weekend of fireworks shows.
Her former owners said she was indifferent to shooting, but she does seem to get a little anxious during fireworks. The area we’re camping in (West Lake Tahoe) doesn’t allow fireworks, but the surrounding areas are hosting shows which will carry into the campgrounds. She will be harnessed and tethered to me during the day. While she does fantastic in a tent normally, we are planning to have her crated in the tent or truck until the fireworks finish. Other gear we have for her include calming aids, dog-styled ear muffs, hi-vis light-up collar (day/night), hi-vis reflective harness (day-when not crated) and an apple air tag (haven’t needed a real tracker yet).
We’re still in the midst of planning her care. I’d prefer to bring her with me on the camping trip, since we live close by to a local stadium that will go all out for the 250th anniversary and I’d need to vet a sitter otherwise. I’ve had family dogs before, but she’s my first dog as an adult and want her to be safest.
I know I know my dog best, but any further considerations I could weigh would be greatly appreciated!
We are planning to head out to West Lake Tahoe to camp during 4th of July weekend to celebrate but also get away from the fire works. My dog has accompanied us on a few camping trips already; she has great recall/ stay obedience and stays leashed to me at all times. As a lab, she does point at squirrels but doesn’t have a real prey drive to chase anything.
Any advice for camping with a dog in the area? My concern is the black bear sitings, as that is untested. I saw there was a decent amount of dog-friendly trails we could also do during the day, but any other dog friendly areas would be great to note.
Thanks!
Long post.
My husband (25m) and I (25f) are HS sweet hearts, so there’s a lot of context here. We have been together for 10 years, married for 2.
My husband and I moved away from family for 4 years for work/school. During that time, we used to make our visits home really special by gifting outings and material goods to family. When we moved back to our home town, I found out about a pretty heavy addiction that my then long-term boyfriend had had, changing the way I saw our relationship entirely.
My ILs first real impression of our relationship as adults was during the hardest time of our then-5 years together. He’d go back and forth about recovery, I was still making sense of who he actually was. We couldn’t tell them about the addiction, so understandably my husband’s withdrawals and changes in attitude were assumed to my fault. At the same time, the move caused our finances to change and I wanted to regulate his spending on said addiction so the family outings and material gifts were no longer something we could afford, but the expectation was already established.
For over a year, we didn’t tell them about the addiction so I was perceived to be controlling and causing my then-boyfriend to act out and withhold financially from family. I was ostracized by two SILs (20s Fs) during that time pretty obviously and it hurt a lot. The more I did to earn the SILs’ approval the more they pushed me away. My FIL and MIL (50s) also perceived me poorly and thought I was mutually fighting my SILs, but they were largely tolerant when I was present. My then boyfriend made attempts to defend me without confessing, but we both agreed to prioritize his recovery first. I had IC for the “betrayal” from my then boyfriend and the subsequent rejection from his family during that time.
Husband was working recovery seriously and after I found a photo of my face scratched out on Christmas Day, we finally told the whole family about what we were dealing with- his addiction and the ostracism from SILs. SILs didn’t apologize for the past, since they were acting on what they knew. I was controlling then boyfriend’s finances and limiting his social behaviors so they justified treating me poorly in attempt to “help” him get rid of me. My FIL supported his daughters and felt we could have better handled the situation. I was heartbroken, but at least the confrontation is what ended the blatant emotional abuse.
Anyways, things got better for now husband and I- we focused on rebuilding us, got married, he’s still sober, and financially we’re comfortable. We’re 4 years past the confrontation, and since then I feel… stiff? around his family and keep them at arm’s length as a defense, which was something my therapist suggested
I know my distance also makes the family uncomfortable, but I need to do what feels like protecting me first otherwise I spiral back. I still make the effort to hang out with my ILs as much as we can. I’m cordial with my SILs. We no longer spend on them as we had prior to moving back, but it’s not outwardly expected of us anymore.
Anyways, I want to have a positive relationship with them now. My husband’s brothers (20s and 30s) now have also married and I want to have the same relationship that their wives have with the family. I just feel like there’s too much history now, and I have a very different communication style with my ILs where I don’t know how to begin. The confrontation and all that stemmed before it is water under the bridge, and while I am mainly OK, I still feel like its context is holding me back.
Yeah, idk this might be too much for reddit. I am contemplating going back to therapy. Lol maybe just convince me its money well spent.
My ILs prefer to be very involved in our lives, so they tend to bring up conversations centered around money. My husband and I are able to provide very generic answers for questions related to our personal finances. We do not share any information related to our personal finances. They no longer ask many questions to us.
However now, my question lies in how to most appropriately pivot from their unprompted statements related to having low funds. They are not asking for financial help nor advice, just general statements guised as “jokes”. I find it uncomfortable, since I have assumed that its intended for ulterior motives.
My husband and I have so far just remained silent and have waited for them to change topics, which they will eventually after dragging out an awkward moment. I want to be respectful, but feel loss as to how to contribute to that conversation without 1) providing a point of relativity to give them access to our information, 2) coming across as condescending/rude
I share the same birth month as my FIL’s youngest daughter, 20 days apart. His family of 9 has rarely acknowledge my birthday over the last 10 years of us dating/married, while I make sure both husband and I always send a text for each of them. We used to afford them lavish gifts and pay for the family dinner, but in the last two years we just wish them well and will pay for ourselves at the group dinner.
My FIL wanted to throw his youngest a birthday party to celebrate the milestone. All the siblings were contributing something to the party. Leading up to her birthday, the family had a loss and the party was postponed. FIL didn’t tell husband and I when, until the week before, it was on my birthday. Unbeknownst to me, husband asked if they could do celebrate me too as a surprise with two cakes, FIL declined because it’d take away from SIL who was sad her birthday was overshadowed by the loss in the family. That was totally reasonable.
I was not sad that they had to move the party to my birthday, life happens! The best way to honor a death is with celebrating life! Husband and I already had plans to celebrate me, so we respectfully bowed out of what we had volunteered for. The family “jokingly” made a stink about it, haha very funny. Hopefully, it’ll pass soon.
It did not pass. Whenever they could bring up the party, they did. FIL would end the call saying “see you at the party!”. My BILs would ridicule husband for not coming. On my birthday, they asked husband what time he is coming no one acknowledged me at all. After the party, FIL lectured husband about the importance of showing up for family celebrations, he didn’t stop until husband apologized. Whatever.
Now, this is where I feel slighted. Since my birthday, both of the other brothers’ wives have had birthdays. One was given well wishes in the family group chat, the other falls on a holiday and was celebrated in person. My FIL even acknowledged the birthdays of his damn dogs in the family group chat.
AIO at this, because I became very disappointed after the dogs birthday shout out. Obviously nothing will come from it, just wanted to be validated.
For context, I have the world’s best dog like actually. Amazing with kids, unfazed by animals/other stimuli, and such a people pleaser. Her only flaw is not knowing her own physical limits for people’s approval. Everyone loves to interact with her, so we often bring a ball for people to play fetch with her. Husband and I let everyone know to only play in a flat area, within a certain radius so she doesn’t sprint too hard and to take ample breaks.
My FIL ignores any concern for her health and uses the ball launcher to send it flying physically as far as he can take it for his own amusement. I was especially pissed that he didn’t concern himself with the rough and unsteady terrain he sent it into, leading me to follow my dog into it for her safety. He knew where the dog was allowed to fetch from, it wasn’t anything unreasonable and the rest of the family had no problems respecting it. He threw it so fast that she lost it and got stuck in a certain area.
Once I got back with the dog and the ball, I quietly put the ball launcher away but left the ball for the kids to still play with her. I didn’t make a big show of anything, I didn’t even show that I was upset after coming back. I dusted myself off out of view and down played how far it went for my concerned husband.
My FIL was visibly upset later that I removed the launcher, stating that he’d throw out his arm to play with the dog. He moped to my husband and practically demanded for it. His elderly arm threw it within the distance I was comfortable with. Problem solved.
I just have to laugh at his hypocrisy, otherwise I’d be pulling my hair out.
Years ago now, I found out that my then-boyfriend (now-husband) had a heavy addiction. It changed the way I saw him and how I understood how he felt about our 5-year long relationship at the time. I was devastated, but he wanted help so I stayed and supported him with his recovery. Admittedly, we both struggled through it but utilized all the resources we had to do it the “right” way.
Two of my SILs felt that I was controlling husband and isolating him from friends and family during that time and decided without consulting husband that I needed to be out of his and their lives. To protect their brother, and against his wishes mind you, they ostracized me for about a year and a half. It culminated in scratching out my face in a family photo displayed in his family home that I found on Christmas Day.
My husband hadn’t believed me originally and wanted to prioritize the holiday (something now he greatly regrets). He was livid at his sisters when I showed him again the next day, but I had asked him to wait until after New Years to say something to his father so that we could at least enjoy the holidays without more drama.
His father was mad at the situation and I heard from a brother that one of the sisters was staying with him since she was kicked out for the weekend. My husband received a call from the kicked out sister telling him that he should have kept it between siblings, as now she has uncertain housing/future for her and her child as a single mom. The phone call was painfully long with no remorse for the act, just victimizing herself. Husband had even pitied and comforted his sister (something again he now regrets).
His father had called a family meeting at the expense of my embarrassment, literally calling it the “[TEACH-DANGEROUS]’ situation”. My husband used that meeting to admit his addiction, to which his father told him to stop excusing MY behavior with his own, as if the addiction wasn’t the cause of my mistreatment but another effect of it. The two sisters avoided taking ownership of the picture but did apologize.. to my husband for seeing it. They told my husband how I could have better handled the situation in front of the whole family, criticizing my failed attempts to remedy the situation without his father’s involvement. His father was satisfied with the confrontation and confirmed with me later that they did apologize so it should be fine now.
When we moved apartments two weeks after that Christmas, I didn’t want his sisters to come with the embarrassment and torment still fresh. His father defended the daughter he hadn’t kicked out and she came. When I bought a house a year later, both sisters came again and largely ignored me in my own home. They referred to the house as my husband’s, having understood that I purchased it alone and we were not married yet.
I guess things ended up where they should be because husband is sober and we are doing great now. My husband did use that time to learn how enmeshed he was with his family, and since then made an effort to prioritize me. I make no effort with my SILs other than being cordial. My husband and I also have a solid 2 years of financial boundaries with his family! We no longer buy anyone exorbitant gifts or treat the whole family to outings and dinners. We only have select few family members come over now, but his father checks all the photos in MY house to make sure no one is defaced still as if I would ever steep as low as them.
We have a grafted tree that stands over 5.5ft tall and has the trunk the size of an expo marker.
We planted it just last month and already see decent new growth with the buds. Aside from one sagging branch, the tree seems very healthy and strong.
I’d be heart broken to pluck them off, but want to make sure it can endure the winter of Zone 9b. Should we still prioritize the canopy and the roots this summer?
My husband and I are happily married in our 20s, without children (for now). I bought a small starter home prior to our wedding, which is where we live. It’s modest, but I do enjoy hosting small parties on my terms. Usually just parties of 8-10 for our friends, his closest siblings and his parents, and/or my family of 6.
My husband’s large immediate family of 7 siblings wanted us to host Mother’s Day to give a break for the mothers in his family (his mother, two sisters and his SIL). While I do love his family, I have a strained relationship with two of his sisters, one of which I’d have to celebrate. They had ignored me completely/gossiped about me during the only time we had invited them all over for our housewarming and have scratched out my face in photos at their father’s house (as adult women). I didn’t like the idea of hosting them specifically in my home again, but have no problem bringing flowers and food to be cordial somewhere else.
We respectfully declined hosting, reasoning that I could not celebrate my Mother and host a party of 25+ people in the same day. We ended up celebrating at his parents’ house, where most of the siblings live/ all the celebrations have been. One other sibling has a house, but they were not offering to host as that sister is also a mother.
We were met with backlash for a lot of yesterday’s celebrations. My husband’s mother had to host/cook for the potluck. My husband and I did not honor the celebration of Mothers because we could have done more (note that no one was faulting the fathers really at all). I literally babysat/ played with all my nieces and nephews the whole potluck to give the Moms a break, yet they felt the children still could have had more fun at my house.
AITAH?
Edited: corrected mothers’ to husband’s mother had to host/cook.
Years ago now, my then-boyfriend (now Husband) and I had a very personal situation that nearly ended our relationship. It was a very delicate matter of addiction that completely changed the way I saw him as a person and our relationship of 5 years at that point.
We were dealing with the situation as best we could and were trying to maintain our privacy for his sobriety. My ILs saw it differently. My husband withholding our relationship issues from them showed my ILs that I was controlling and isolating him from his family and friends. They knew my husband had a vice but not the full weight of it, and instead of allowing us to deal with it ourselves, my SILs rationalized that I was in the wrong somehow. My actual crime was not telling my ILs of my husband’s addiction so we could get through the early stages of withdrawal while he got help (they would not have been helpful).
My husband was irritable in early stages of recovery, and my SILs rationalized it was my fault. My SILs decided to “support” my husband by ostracizing me for about a year and a half. My face was scratched out of a family portrait for me to find on Christmas Day. My SILs talked poorly about me within earshot at family functions. My SILs purposely excluded me from family photos and outings “by accident”. When it first started to happen, I tried to defend myself, but my spirit died out because I wasn’t in the mental state to deal with my SILs AND husband. My husband tried to tell them off, but even at his own plea they wouldn’t; they’d be upset that he was choosing me over them, when clearly they’re only acting this way to get me out of his life to save him.
It had finally culminated in my husband outing his addiction to his whole family, since he couldn’t take my mistreatment anymore. His family was horrified, you’re not suppose to talk about those type of things and he was the golden boy. They ignored his addiction, and instead made it a bigger deal he was defending me against his sisters. Family is first. I was changing him for the worse, and my help in his recovery was wrong. I don’t have any vices, but his addiction must have been my fault. SILs excused their behaviors, explaining they were only acting in husband’s best interest with what they did know.
My SILs did end up apologizing… to my husband. They told my husband how I could have done things to make them stop, but even when I had I had done it wrong. It’s been several years now since their mistreatment, but for the life of me, I will never be able to see my SILs differently. They intentionally hurt me for so long without any actual cause.
My husband is still sober today and has a new appreciation for life, which I am forever grateful for.