r/weddingshaming

As I said in the title, I was hit by a car four days ago, I'm okay, but have lots of bruising and have broken my left leg. I'm now in a wheelchair. I know that both the church and the venue are wheelchair accessible, as another guest is an ambulatory wheelchair user, so she may have to use it throughout the day. I obviously will have to use mine as well, I can't move onto crutches from another 5 weeks and that's only if my healing goes as well as expected.

In a phonecall this morning, the bride suggested it would be best if I didn't attend because and I quote "you and *other guest's name* would be stealing all the attention, especially with your cast and bruising. Maybe you just come to the reception and buy a new dress to cover up all that mess"

My bruising will have hopefully gone down by then, but I was already planning on hiring an mua to help me better cover them too. I've already tested the dress I was planning to wear in my wheelchair, only my ankle and foot are visible. I'm still trying to think of ideas to hide it the rest of the cast the best I can, but it's always going to be somewhat visible, especially due to the size of it and how bulky it is.

I have known the bride since we were in pre school, we stayed friends throughout primary, secondary, college and even through being at universities 400+ miles apart. And honestly, if a leg cast and a second wheelchair user is what is going to ruin her wedding and our friendship, I think I'm better off not going and cutting contact.

My younger brother (29M) and his fiancée (29F) became engaged about a year ago and landed on having an international wedding in Italy. We (brother and future SIL included) are all based in U.S. and never have traveled out of the country before, so a trip to Italy is no small thing.

This couple have always been very 'fly by the seat of their pants' and self-involved. A lot of family have suggested that they have a wedding celebration stateside as most of our family can't attend a wedding in Italy, but they have declined to do so. Instead of requesting RSVPs, they talked to family and friends to ask if they would attend or not. If someone wanted any details on this wedding, they had to ask my brother or future SIL because nothing was in writing until recently. I had family asking me previously if I thought the wedding would still even happen because details were not being shared in any considerate, uniform fashion. From the start, this wedding has been poorly planned and tacky.

The wedding is in September and my future SIL only shared a password-protected wedding website last month or five months before the wedding. This is a small gripe, but I seriously have no idea why the website is password-protected as no personal details are listed. Some hard-to-remember Italian word is the password. I got the password wrong multiple times myself and I know my older relatives who are going likely struggled trying to access the website too.The picture shared with the website's QR code states that "formal invitations are to follow." However, invitations, physical or virtual, were never sent. Save-the-dates were also never sent.

The wedding is less than four months away. Invitations for a wedding that will require international flights, passports, multiple days of travel should be sent much, much earlier. I told my brother as much but he didn't heed my advice. This whole wedding has been communicated through word-of-mouth despite them hiring a wedding planner. Guests wanting to go to this wedding have to also book their accommodations and travel arrangements. There's no hotel block. No travel agent to help coordinate the travel. Nothing was done to make an international trip easier on the guests.

Despite this, I was going to try to make this work up until recently. Last month I go on the wedding website after my future SIL shares it with me. There aren't addresses or phone numbers on the wedding website, just references to the wedding planner, venue, and accommodations that *could* be an option. That's a choice, but whatever. While browsing, I check out the wedding party page. Lo and behold, I am the only sibling amongst the bride and groom not listed as part of the wedding party.

My future SIL's two sisters are maid of honor and bridesmaid. Her brother is a groomsmen. My youngest brother is the best man. I was never even approached about it. My brother and his fiancée either assumed I could not be there because I just had a baby two months ago or were more worried about how their wedding party would look with an extra bridesmaid than their relationship with me. To be fair, it likely never occured to them that they were being exclusive because that's how they are.

On top of this, back in August when I first told my future SIL that I was pregnant, she told me the wedding would NOT be childfree. Because I was never told anything differently, I have been operating under the assumption that bringing my entire family was an option. The past several months, I have told my brother that I needed time as a new mother before I could commit to who would be going, but when pushed, I said my husband and child would likely stay home.

Around two months postpartum or four months out from the wedding, I decided I would try to bring my husband and baby to this wedding because I thought it would be doable. I did not want to leave my family behind on my first international trip or leave my husband taking care of our baby for a week with no help. I brought this up casually to my brother because I was in the planning process and again, I was acting in good faith that the wedding was not child-free. My brother never indicated any deadlines for guests to commit to plans by.

The second time I mentioned my plans, we were all at breakfast with some extended family in town. At this breakfast, my brother and his fiancée failed to correct me when I said I was bringing my child. My brother called me hours after the breakfast to tell me that actually my child could not come.

I livid over the phone as I was blindsided and was starting to get excited about my whole family going. I told my brother I would get back to him with our decision. My brother's excuse was that I told him previously we wouldn't be bringing my child so they thought the wedding being childfree wasn't relevant to me, however, I know I never committed to anything. Even if I did, it is the bride and groom's responsibility to communicate any detail that would affect their guest's ability to attend early on regardless of whatever assumptions they have.

The child-free rule was essentially a ghost and wasn't even listed on their website when I looked. They never thought to mention it during the multiple conversations we had about the wedding this past year. I filled out third party paperwork for them needed for the wedding. My brother previously revealed to me that they are $20k overbudget. I talked to my future SIL about her plans for a florist. It blows my mind that during all these exchanges, they didn't think to tell me my kid couldn't come.

After becoming a mom, I knew I likely wouldn't be comfortable leaving my six-months-old for a week. Even so, I asked my aunt if she'd be willing to watch my child and she couldn't.

After my aunt confirmed she couldn't watch my kid for a week, I tried to have a civil conversation with my brother to communicate I would not be going to the wedding and wish him well. While I made it clear my decision was not rooted in anger or spite, I also told my brother I was hurt by the lack of communication pertaining to the child-free rule and being excluded from the wedding party. Both occurrences made me feel like an afterthought and should have been handled better, hard stop.

My brother proceeded to gaslight me, tell me I never communicated with him, and called me a liar (about contacting our aunt about childcare) among other things. He said my child was not the real reason why I decided not to attend, and I was making his wedding all about me. He couldn't wrap his head around why I felt any kind of way about being the only sibling left out of the wedding party.

I am still processing and even obsessing over all this because it's all incredibly disappointing, but I am very, very at peace with my decision to not go. I am also going no contact with my brother primarily because of how he responded to me.

My fiancé and I are getting married at a venue in the middle of nowhere Florida (30+ minutes away from any major city) and there aren't a lot of great Airbnb options except one or two. We planned on staying in the same Airbnb as our family and we were very excited because it's an historic Victorian home with 5+ bedrooms and it's giving wedding vibes unlike any of the few other Airbnbs in the area which have the very basic Florida vibe and aren't big enough for everyone to stay in.

Then, we noticed that it wasn't listed anymore and did some searching online. We then found out the owner of our wedding venue bought the place to have it as an option for couples marrying at her venue. We were so excited!! Until we talked to her... we learned that she's upping the nightly rate from $600/night to $2000/night. TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS PER NIGHT. There our plans go out the window. There is absolutely no excuse to charge that much. Maybe in Los Angeles or New York City, but not middle of NOWHERE Florida. It's bonkers. We planned on staying 3 nights for $2000 and now that would be $6000 which we can't afford because we're not rich or willing to go in debt due to capitalist greed.

I voiced my opinion but I highly doubt she'll care unless others decide to voice theirs. It's disheartening how the wedding industry preys on couples and families. I'm trying to stay excited about getting married at that venue but it's difficult knowing what we know now about the owner.

Edit: just wanted to clarify a couple things:
• “Why didn’t you book it earlier?” We found the Airbnb months ago and the previous owner told us we had to wait because they don’t accept bookings 12+ months in advance. As of May, it is 12 months which is why we were going to book now. Either way it doesn’t matter because the new owner canceled all exiting reservations anyway. They’re all void.
• “20-30 minutes away isn’t in the middle of nowhere” I realize that, but it felt out of the way and inconvenient after a super long day. We will likely rent a party bus to take us and our family so thank you for that suggestion!
• “Why did you book a venue with no Airbnbs or hotels nearby?” There are hotels and Airbnbs within 10-20 minutes and we have room blocks for guests, but we wanted to stay in a big airbnb with family. There aren’t many with 5+ bedrooms near the venue but now we have the bus option so it’s fine.

At the end of the day the main reason we’re angry is the fact that someone would exploit couples and families to that degree. I don’t care that it’s good for business. It’s morally bankrupt and I would never do that to another person, plain and simple. It says a lot about you if you’re thinking “that’s just smart business!” hmm, wonder why the economy is so bad? Right. It’s because of people who have that mindset.

Thank you to everyone for the good advice and support ❤️

Context for people who don't know; it basically the couple throwing a party you pay to attend and pay for raffles and such to generate funds for the wedding. You buy a ticket to go and can buy other things inside the party itself to support the couple. Its common in parts of Canada (why shes having one is beyond me)

My sister is throwing one. I live in new england and she lives in the south. My mother would be paying for me to go and attend but i cannot imagine the price of getting us there, hotels, food outside the event, the tickets, and the activities inside it for a party none of us even want to go to. It's purely politeness. Shes also requested my mother helps cook so shes essentially paying to work.

In my opinion, its so tacky. Why are we begging our loved ones to fund our wedding? i understand they are so very expensive but its still so tacky to me. The fact she feels shes special enough she belives people should to pay to attend basically a bridal shower which people normally dread going to. Why cant she have a wedding she can afford? She's already married, even! She just wants the party.

Also, i cant imagine she will make much money. She has to rent a venu, buy enough food to pay for however many people shes inviting to the point she will profit, get decor, activities, raffles, etc. It feels like such a tacky waste of time. My mother gets very mad and frustrated when i upset this, but it annoys me terribly.

To be clear, I'm not asking advice -- just wanting to hear your stories.

Pastor here, and to be honest, I don't particularly enjoy doing weddings. They're a ton of work! Once the event finally happens it's usually glorious, though. My theory is that unless the minister/officiant says something wildly inappropriate, nobody remembers what we said.

With that, I'd love to hear stories of when the officiant/minister went off the rails.

For context, the bride is already not a favorite person of mine, so this is definitely a somewhat biased account of this wedding. I got married last year and this bride's wedding is in a few weeks. She already made it clear she didn't like me when I'd met her the few previous times and through the grapevine, for reasons unbeknownst to me. Then, she shows up in a white dress, white shoes, white shawl and white purse to my wedding (the dress was white with a print so not solid but still). And I am NOT one to be a huge bridezilla about the no white dresses/close to white dresses (I'd never do it at someone else's wedding but wasn't planning to make a fuss if it happened at mine), but knowing this girl already hates me and did this I knew it was 100% intentional.

Now, we're invited back to her wedding (my husband/the groom remain friends). I've been looking at their registry the past few months and it has only had luxury-priced items on it. They have a cash fund on their wedding site as well as two external registries. The least expensive item they had available was a $150 simon pearce piece, the most expensive being $3000 furniture pieces.

I don't think it's a crime to put expensive items on your registry (I probably wouldn't have done the furniture), but not having any kind of range of affordable items for all of your guests is crass IMO. And to ask for a cash fund on top of all of those items is odd. I assume they have some wealthy guests coming who can afford to buy them those kinds of things, but genuinely not sure what I'm going to get this tw*t lol. Probably an envelope of a modest amount of cash it is.

I’m finalizing RSVPs for my upcoming wedding and I have to say I think less of some of my friends after how they responded. We sent our invites out in March, asked for RSVPs this past Saturday (5 weeks before the wedding because our catering numbers are due next Saturday) through link or by mailed pre-stamped RSVP card. On Sunday morning, we followed up with the twenty or so straggler parties to ask them by text to tell us if they were coming by Monday night and what meal preference they had. For a few older relatives, we called.

However, I have several friends (all late 20s/ early 30s) who didn’t reply to the invitation or the text follow up and it’s genuinely making me question our friendship. For context, I definitely have the right phone numbers for them (in some cases they sent me memes even a few days before) and these are people that know about the wedding. I have to say it hurts? Not that they aren’t coming (I understand that people might not be able to make it for a variety of reasons), but the sheer rudeness of the lack of reply. Like, I thought we were close enough that I wanted you there to witness my vows to my future spouse (and was willing to pay several hundred dollars for you and a plus one to eat dinner). I asked for your mailing address, prepared an invitation, mailed it, and then followed up for you personally. You couldn’t even be bothered to send a single “thanks for following up, I’m not coming” text.

My takeaways:

RSVP’ed yes: Amazing, thank you for coming!

RSVP’ed no: No worries at all, we’ll celebrate when we catch up another time!

Missed the RSVP deadline, but replied yes or no in response to my follow up call/ text: Things happen, deadlines get missed, we’re all human!

Missed the deadline, did NOT reply to my follow up text, and you are a person that is under the age of 40 who otherwise has no issues texting or using social media: You’re trash and I think less of you.

This happened a couple of years ago but is fresh on my mind because a friend brought it up the other day. At the time, I was part of a really tight group of five- all of us were in the same masters program. In the middle of our second year together, Em got engaged to Ron. None of us liked Ron because he was loudmouthed, arrogant, and basically squashed Em's personality whenever he was around. But we adored Em and knew she was absolutely in love though Ron made constant jokes about her being attracted to his money.

Em morphed into almost a completely different person soon after the engagement. She no longer cared about studying and even flirted with the idea of dropping out. The only thing she cared about were Ron, the wedding, and pleasing Ron's mother, who turned out to be the bringer of drama.

During the engagement party, she pulled the four of us aside and explained what we need to know to "not embarrass ourselves" at the wedding. She basically told us that she was sure that none of us had ever attended such an elegant event and that since we weren't in society we wouldn't understand the expectations of guests. She proceeded to tell us that our gifts should have a dollar value of at least $500, that we should send her pictures so she could approve/reject our dresses, and that we were to limit ourselves to three drinks during the reception despite the open bar. None of this was okay with us but we smiled politely for Em's sake.

We did not know at the time that MIL actually tried to convince Em that shouldn't bother inviting the "riff raff" because she would have a whole new set of friends by the time the wedding came around.

Fast forward to the wedding. The ceremony was lovely and the reception was pretty amazing too. Em looked like a dream and even Ron was behaved. MIL was not. None of us know how it started, but MIL lost her shit and had a heated argument with her sister and the venue liaison. She caused quite a scene that included her dousing the poor guy with champagne and trying to forcibly remove her sister. Ron and his father tried to calm her down but she continued a tirade that was quite unbecoming in society.

I’m supposed to attend an outdoor wedding this October, except apparently I shouldn’t say “invited” because we technically still haven’t received invitations.

Back at Christmas, the couple sent everyone a card that basically said:

“All we want for Christmas is you at our wedding! Please let us know by X date if you’ll be there. Invitations to follow.”

So we RSVP’d to a wedding we weren’t actually invited to yet, I guess?

Anyway, the bride wants the whole wedding outdoors. Average temperature that time of year is around 56°F, so naturally people are planning warm outfits and coats. Except apparently we’re not allowed to wear coats because she doesn’t want them in the photos.

On top of that, guests are expected to dress according to a specific color palette.

The only reason I even know any of this is because she told me directly. Meanwhile, when other guests are surprised by the dress code or the no-coat thing, she gets annoyed and says, “It’ll all be explained in the invitations.”

The invitations that still do not exist.

Hey everyone, this happened on Sunday. So one of my cousins (F27) recently got married to her high school boyfriend (M28) and his best friend/groomsman wore a white wedding dress to the wedding and tried to fake walk down the aisle before the actual wedding. My family is mostly first gen immigrants so they were all confused, but the groom's family was aghast and ashamed lmao.

Apparently it isn't the first time he's done something like this either, when they got engaged after my cousin proposed to her boyfriend last summer, the best friend got very upset when boyfriend said yes and they both took a boys trip to NYC in late June. During the groom's bachelor trip they didn't take my cousin's brother (the other groomsman) with them because they said he'd ruin "the vibe" since he doesn't go to raves or shares the same hobbies.

They were gonna have an Indian wedding and a reception in India a month after this White wedding, but I've heard from my mom that the groom didn't move into the condo my cousin's family gifted her and still lives with his best friend, and I've not received any information on flying to India for the wedding so people in family group chats are getting juicy with the annulment/divorce speculations.

I am going to my boyfriend's sister's wedding in June. I was excited because I had already purchased a few pretty maternity dresses just to have for the summer and I splurged a little for the sake of comfort and wanting to feel pretty as I get larger than I've ever been. Then his sister sends us the color scheme for her wedding and tells us she wants the GUESTS to dress according to the color scheme. Pregnancy aside, this seems like a ridiculous and needy request. I thought the color scheme was meant for the decor and to make the bridal party stand out amongst the crowd.

I don't know how it is in other states, but in Colorado it has been very challenging to find maternity clothing stores. I have been to a couple secondhand stores (that's where I've acquired some really nice baby clothes but it's hard to find dresses for specific occasions there, especially with this color scheme guideline), beyond that I've gone to the major department stores to look and I just can't justify paying their prices for a dress for this wedding. I am very satisfied with the quality and fit of the aforementioned dresses I bought from PinkBlush, so I purchased a couple options from there but neither of them fit the way the others do, and the stitching on the neckline of one of them is so noticeably uneven that I wouldn't have worn it anyway. I bought one from Amazon, the actual product varied so much and was one of the most horrendous things I've ever seen.

I just feel like I've spent too much time and effort trying to get one dress for one wedding and I think their color scheme rule is stupid and shortsighted.

That is all, thank you for listening to my rant.

Hi all, after a comment I left on a post in this sub, there was a lot of interest to know what I see doing the job that I do. I've DJ'd at least 160 weddings as of writing this.

I thought about how to post this, since I've had enough interesting experiences that it might take a while to get them all out, and most of them don't really rise to the occasion of a whole post here.

In all actuality most of my weddings are great, fun parties celebrating a wonderful couple. Only a few stick out as rough. Since I'm not related to most of my clients, I typically am less aware of personal drama that needs to be shamed... That being said, I've worked with bad vendors, rude guests and family, momzillas, and difficult couples. I've seen fist fights and shouting matches, and my fair share of cringe moments during the event.

The majority of the things I observe that I think deserve shaming are going to be behind the scenes things that I think ruin the event for the couple or guests and family. I'm keeping things vaguish here just so hopefully none of my clients find this thread, and we'll protect anonymity as best I can.

I'll leave this thread open and answer any question you've ever wanted to ask a wedding DJ

With that said, ask me anything!!

Attended an out of town wedding with my wife for my brother's step daughter's wedding. When we approached the outdoor seating area where the ceremony was to be held, we were greeted by the step daughter's aunt, the wife's sister. She asked our name and when we said it, she recognized us as family of her sister's new husband. She consulted a seating chart she had for the six rows of chairs, split in the middle for bride and groom, a total of about 60 places. Not finding our names, she awkwardly showed us her chart and asked us if we saw our name on it. No, we did not. She then pointed to the last row on the groom's side and said, this row isn't assigned so you can sit here. Gee thanks. Is a seating chart for the ceremony a thing now?

I have to give a lot of context, since this is a really long story. English is not my first language.

I (30f) never had a good relationship with my father (64) nor my aunt (60). Since I was a kid they were verbally abusive towards me, and I specially HATED how my aunt would always ruin family events. She had 2 children and they both passed away from the same genetic disease when I was a baby, since that trauma affected my whole family, they would let her do whatever she wanted basically.

My family is very big, so they had the tradition of celebrating the "month's birthdays", since my brother, a cousin and I were born in July we would share a cake. The thing is... one of my aunt's children was also born in july, so she would always cry just before we would sing happy birthday, and everyone came straight to the rescue, leaving us to blow up the candles alone. I would understand that, but she also made a lot of comments like "I wish your cousin was here instead of you" throughout my life, everytime I would tell my dad about it he would tell me she was grieving and I should understand, but my mom started to celebrate two different birthdays so my brother and I could enjoy our special day (I'm so blessed I know). Every christmas, mother's day, or special event, she came up with some drama to fight about or a reason for her to cry and get all the attention.

As we got older, we started distancing ourself from her, and eventually my mom caught my dad cheating on her so they got divorced. When I got married, 2 years ago, I invited the whole family but her, and que the flying monkeys. I was pressured A LOT, but I didn't wanted her to ruin my event, a lot of relatives didn't go and I accepted the consequences. I was heartbroken at first but it was a lovely wedding and I had the time of my life.

Recently, I found out my father was getting married to his mistress, I went no contact with him so he send an invite directed to my husband and "a plus one", of course we didn't go, but I just got all the gossip about it so buckle up.

I just found out that my aunt asked my dad to go to his wedding wearing white, his bride said no, but he convinced her and she apparently caved because they "negotiated" for it to be white pants and a blouse instead of a gown.

When she arrived, everyone was shocked, she wore a deep cleavage white sequins blouse and wide white pants. Everyone avoided the topic so she wouldn't make a scene. That's until she took the mic and gathered all the people so they could listen to the poem she wrote to my dad. She read it all, something about how courageous it is to get remarried, and then she gifted the couple a picture of the both of them with the poem written over it so they can put it up in their home. Then, she went to a table where the wedding souvenirs were, and she put little cards with her poem so the attendees could take it.

My brother is getting married next week, I know, a lot of weddings lol, but it was in a span of 2 years. They sent the safe the dates before my father's wedding, so now they are nervous she could show up in white. They warned her and the wedding planner that she cannot wear white or give any kind of speech. If something transpires and you want an update let me know.