r/weddingshaming

EDIT: I appreciate all the comments. I’m aware of all the possible reasons she is the way she is. I realize now it was unrealistic to expect her to behave differently for our wedding. I don’t hate my MIL by any means but my husband was just hurt by her actions which admittedly made me upset so I just wanted to vent. We have tried time and time again to get her help and she just doesn’t want it. We are always accommodating to her needs but this was the one time we put our foot down and asked her to stay.

My (F 27) husband’s (M 28) mother (F Early 60’s) lived with us during much of our wedding planning. She never showed any interest in it, never asked how planning was going, didn’t even get us a card. Fine, whatever.

Dinner was right after the ceremony. Not 5 minutes into us eating she came up to our sweetheart table and told us she wanted to go home. My husband pleaded with her stay, they still had the mother/son dance after dinner. She pouted like a literal child and asked us what time that was happening, because “I’m just tired and I don’t want to go home after it gets dark”. She got a ride to the wedding and would be getting a ride back, so she wouldn’t even be driving in the dark.

My husband said something like, “You haven’t even congratulated us and you’re trying to leave?” Then she sarcastically told us congratulations. My brother in law noticed this happening and told her this wasn’t about her and she should stay for her own son’s wedding. She stayed another 10 minutes while the dessert table got set up, took a cookie before our photographer could take a photo of the table, then got another relative to drive her home.

I’m trying not to let this get to me as this is very characteristic of her and I know it wasn’t personal. She always tries to leave family functions immediately to go do word searches in bed. She can be a headache to deal with and I feel lucky the family is often on our side. My husband danced with his sister during the mother/son dance which felt more meaningful anyway.

It’s been a few days since the wedding and she’s gotten flack from multiple family members about leaving for no reason. She only apologized to us after I overheard my brother in law tell her to. She’s complained to us about how “everyone is being so mean to me”, how it’s unfair because “I was just tired”. I’m slowly getting over it but I just feel bad for my husband who has been coming to terms with the fact that his mother doesn’t seem care about anyone other than herself and can’t do anything to change that.

My now mother-in-law included this line in her toast. She threw a fit when we told her we were having the wedding in Florida, where we live. She wanted to have it in her small town in rural Illinois, a place I have no connection to. We literally went back and forth about this for months.

She went on to say that she was pleasantly surprised by how many of her family did show up and that she was glad they were all there. It almost sounded like a bit of an apology for all the fuss she made earlier but I still couldn’t believe she actually said that to the whole room!

My partner’s friend got married in the UK countryside and most guests travelled from London or other countries. We were first told it was a wedding dinner that was then changed to first drink on us and then you order your own food/drinks a WEEK before and on the day of we were told AT the venue even the first drink wasn’t covered. Apparently they missed an email from the restaurant and found it only when they went there. Sigh.
Not to mention a lot of the guests were vegetarians and the food options were tragic.

Some guests left to find food elsewhere and the groom had the audacity to snarkily say “oh, I am sorry you did not like the food”.

The whole thing felt tacky and uncomfortable.