u/B_A_M_2019

Read this if you enjoy petty girl drama.

TLDR: this selfish woman canceled our friend’s bachelorette party out of spite, and now we are rebooking everything way too late and can’t get our old reservations back. 😡

I am co-MOH for a friend’s upcoming wedding, and the other MOH, Clara, is a lovely and proactive woman who is handling the bookings/financials/logistics for the bachelorette, which is a 3 day cruise.

Back in April we started a bridesmaid group chat to plan the cruise for October. One bridesmaid, Nina, lives in a different city and declined the trip, saying she can’t afford to travel for it. No problem! The rest of us proceed to pick a date, book the cruise, settle up payment with Clara, and sign ourselves up for various extras (stuff like brunch on the cruise), and I order matching T shirts, which was my treat to the group.

3 weeks later, Nina gets FOMO and decides she wants to join us, but she can’t do it on the weekend we already booked. So she asks the whole group of 6 women if we could change the date. We all honesty consider this, because Nina is an in-law of the bride and we know the bride would want her there. But, the weekend Nina requested doesn’t work for several of the others. Clara tells Nina we can’t change the date at this point. That’s when the drama begins (Nina starts a grudge against Clara about this, but we didn’t know at this point how mad she was).

Nina decides to make it work and adds herself to our cruise booking. Doing so adds a room (adjoining) and causes us to reshuffle sleeping arrangements, but we are all fine with this and excited she can come. Plus we all get some money back since we are splitting costs evenly. The process to make these changes is coordinated by Clara, who spends a lot of time on rebooking and cost calculations. I also order Nina the matching T shirt which has a custom design for each girl, and spend a few days customizing Nina’s design to her specifications.

Well it turns out, Nina has been on a lot of cruises and has loyalty points, so she then offers to take over reservations so she can use her loyalty status. We say OK, cool. But this involves more coordination with Clara, who hands certain things over to Nina. Nina puts the main room in her name, uses that room to book a brunch reservation and a few special entertainment events under her name too. I can see that Clara is getting whiplash from plan changes and info overload from Nina. Clara’s financial spreadsheet is starting to look like a choose your own adventure. But it’s all good because things are moving forward, we have our bookings, and we even saved some money. So, we all exhale, knowing that all the big stuff is planned.

The group chat pivots to the fun stuff. Clara had suggested (and we all agreed prior to Nina being added back in) that we will have a theme night called “Into the Sunset” where we all get dressy in sunset colors (anything from pink to orange to gold, even brown or bronze or navy blue) and the bride wears white with gold accents. We also planned to split the cost for a few bridal decorations for the room. Nina suggested we all wear a certain Amazon skirt with our matching T shirt, but that idea was vetoed (tbh the bride hated it), and we also told her we want to stay budget-conscious and not go crazy on required matching outfits. So everyone can wear whatever bottoms they want with the custom shirt. Clara delivered this message. Nina felt shot down and apparently added this to her growing grudge, deciding that Clara hates her.

Last week, we get a text out of the blue. It’s Nina, saying “please welcome my bestie Maria who will be joining us on the cruise and staying in our room.” I’m like hold up?? I talk to the bride, and she’s very hurt. She feels like Nina is just there to experience another cruise vacation, not to celebrate her big day. Her inviting Maria solidified that feeling. Nina had asked the bride if she could bring her buddy for moral support because she felt Clara doesn’t like her so she wants an ally. Bride was so taken aback, she said yes in the moment, but feels really weird about it. But since she said yes and it was her final call, we accept Maria into the group with open arms. No reason to assume the worst about someone we’ve never met. Maybe she will be a fun new friend? Looking on the bright side, I order Maria a custom T shirt and Clara recalculates and sends another refund to each of us.

The cruise is 8 weeks away now. In the group chat, Nina voices she can’t afford to buy an outfit for the Into the Sunset theme night. Note that this theme night was Clara’s idea. Clara responds that it can be any range of outfits, the color palette is pretty broad, doesn’t have to be a dress, could be pants or a cute sweater or anything. Clara is a huge thrifter so she suggests thrift stores having something cool.

Well that set Nina off and she starts blowing up my phone on the side complaining about Clara being stubborn and insulting. She says the thrift store comment was uncalled for. I tell her there’s no pressure to dress on theme if she can’t swing it. Then Nina says Clara has been difficult and can’t take suggestions since day 1 when she “refused to change the date of the cruise for her.” I remind Nina that several of us couldn’t make that date work, myself included, and we were locked in already. Nina brings up the suggested Amazon skirts saying she was shot down due to people’s budgets, but “Clara has no problem asking everyone to dress on her theme.” I was not going to engage with bashing Clara on the side, so I shut it down with a gentle “let’s just all move forward and have a great time together, supporting the bride because that’s what we’re here for” to which Nina did not reply.

Three days later, we get the news that our cruise has been fully canceled by Nina. Since everything was rebooked in Nina’s name, when she canceled it, all of the brunches and event reservations also were canceled. Nina did not notify us in the group thread, Clara, or myself. No explanation or excuse or gracious remark. Just a big fat fuck you. She just disappeared from the plans and took her bookings with her.

Now Clara is REBOOKING the entire cruise for us, back down to the original group, no more Nina or her sidekick Maria. The kicker is that now all those brunch and event reservations are sold out, so we’re too late to do all the things we had planned for the bride.

Since we’re back down to 6 girls, we all owe more money to Clara again, which I’m totally fine with because I feel like Nina would have been difficult on the cruise. Bullet dodged. But I’m honestly floored that a person who NONE OF US OTHER BRIDESMAIDS HAVE EVER MET could conjure up so much perceived drama and then punish the whole group for it.

I feel like I’ve been punked.

Note: We are women in our 30s and 40s, if you can believe this.

EDIT for clarification: I wrote that Nina is an in-law to the bride, and some commenters assumed she’s the groom’s relative. Not the case. Nina is married to someone on the bride’s side of the family.

The groom is being rightfully supportive and indignant about this, and even offered to treat us all to a special dinner since we didn’t get the special brunch on the cruise. He thinks the bride should not be so soft with Nina, but there’s a LOT of context I won’t get into here, other family trauma, and the bride is non-confrontational for many valid reasons of her own. I can’t and wouldn’t ask her to uninvite Nina to the wedding. Nina’s husband, kids, and others close to them are close family, and it would mean a ripple effect on all of them. Just trust when I say it’s complicated, and it’s easy to say “uninvite this bitch!” if you haven’t walked in the bride’s shoes. So that’s not an option, but I do agree with the sentiments and appreciate all the validation on here! I came to the right sub, it would seem!

My husband and I have 3 kids, 22, 20, and 15.

My middle child is one of those people that is good at everything she tries. When the kids were 3 we enrolled them in a Spanish speaking daycare near our house with the goal to get them into a Spanish immersion magnet school in our district. There are two ways to get into the school. You either test in as a native speaker or you luck into one of the few lottery spots.

My oldest was not able to test in or get a lottery spot so I had planned to just send all three kids to our local school. My husband still insisted on having the other kids apply. My middle daughter tested in like it was nothing. My youngest secured a lottery spot but was removed due to not being able to grasp the language at 6 years old.

We moved in 2018. The public schools in the area were ok but not great so we tried to put the kids in private school. Middle was accepted to every school that we applied to. Oldest was rejected from every school. Youngest was accepted at a catholic school that we ended up not being huge fans of. I wanted to have all of the kids in the same school system but my husband insisted on sending our middle daughter to a very expensive private school. Oldest and youngest ended up going to public school.

Our middle daughter has had countless more opportunities than her siblings due to the difference in education. She is currently fluent in English, Spanish, and French (her schooling was in French from 7th grade, plus she spent 3 months in France through school). Then when it came time for college, she had access to high quality college coaching through her school, which had gotten her accepted to a well known private university with a good scholarship.

Outside of school, she picked up baking at 7 and was a natural. She started a home bakery at 14 and has made enough to buy a car in cash and build a good savings account. When she was 16 and my oldest was 18, they both started to babysit despite my middle still running her bakery. My middle daughter stole multiple clients from my oldest and once her roster was full she’d send jobs to her friends instead of her sister.

I never wanted my other kids to feel jealous of their sister so I’ve always given them a generous allowance, I’ve helped my oldest out with her car and pay her gas, maintenance, and insurance, and my youngest knows that she will get the same deal.

My middle daughter was complaining to my in laws about the cost of gas and insurance, which is how they found out that I am not paying for her expenses like I am for her sister. Then they asked if she gets an allowance, which she told them that she does not. I tried to explain that I am trying to even out the playing field, but they refuse to accept that as an answer and believe that I am a horrible mother. My husband has been taking their side. Now I want to know if I am wrong for treating them differently when they’ve had wildly different opportunities.

Title says it all, thanks in advance!

I'm just getting overwhelmed with trying to find what's best especially from the old style to the new ai driven platforms. Any opinions from what you've used on business or consumer end is appreciated!

So much crap here, you can google it and read the highlights in the comments

https://reddit.com/r/SaltLakeCity/comments/1tro78k/american_fork_police_department_releases/

https://reddit.com/r/SaltLakeCity/comments/1tpri09/corrupt_american_fork_police_exposed_by_youtuber/

This is happening in American fork, a little podunk town 30 miles south of SLC

I know this sounds so basic but if qualifications are pretty similar as well as experience do you just go with your gut or what do you do to find a good fit for your team? I get a long with most everyone in social situations so that test isn't very helpful. Thanks in advance!

Me and my roomie have been friends for a while.

So. Heres how the dynamic works. He pays the bills. I do EVERYTHING ELSE. I got the furniture. 600+ dollars in groceries every month. (I even get specific foods that he wants only for him) Dishes i bought. Cooking equipment. Seasonings. Only thing i DON’T DO is scoop the litter boxes. I CLEAN the house cause if i don’t it will get filthy. (He does not clean shit. All he does after work is go play the video game all day)

I don’t bitch about it because he pays the bills. We both do our own part. It’s not like i sit around and do nothing. My role is just as important as his. Which is why i have such a huge issue.

Now without me here this place would look disgusting. He will leave dirt and grime everywhere. Shave his face and leave the hair on the sink. Used my vacuum i bought to clean up cat litter and piss i told him not to worry about it cause id PAY FOR A PROFESSIONAL CARPET CLEANER. He’s filthy so Im not sitting on my ass doing nothing. I have to clean all the time or else the townhome would look like shit. Cooks and leaves the splattered food everywhere. Flies invaded the house once from opening the door. He killed then and left the dead fly bodies on the wall. He has piles of dishes in his room. He uses big dishes and won’t wash them so they fill up the sink and have no room for other dishes.

(We both equally cook so i don’t count that)

This is just an idea of what i do in the house.

So. He decided that he wants to move his friend in. Female friend. That has a son. This house has 2 rooms. A small ass kitchen and small living room that’s slightly bigger then the bed rooms.

He made this decision 100% without consulting me. Then said since he pays the bills he gets say in house things. Which i think isn’t true.

Im not even pissed about the girl I’m pissed that he undermines what i do and didnt talk to me about it first without making such a stupid decision

On top of that I HAVE A CHILD living in this house and my child has Sickle Cell DISEASE. not trait. Disease. So not only did u have so little respect for me that you didn’t consult me. You had 0 respect for the child that lives in the house that can get sick from damn near anything EASIER THEN MOST KIDS and die.

Note he’s supposed to be my friend.

Then he want on to say “what you want is relationship shit. We aren’t dating”

No i want RESPECT for the person who contributes to this fucking house.

Am I wrong? Should i not have a say? Is this some misogynistic thing that some men think? Idk what to do. And im frustrated.

Sorry for all the spelling errors and stuff. I typed this rather fast.

My roommate is one of my best friends and honestly one of the chillest people I've ever lived with. He's usually always in and out of the house. Going to work, grabbing food, hanging with friends, whatever. That's why this is starting to freak me out.

Since Wednesday morning, I haven't seen him at all. It's Friday evening now. His bedroom door has been locked the entire time. His window is still shut and the blinds haven't been opened once, which is weird because he normally opens them during the day. I've called him multiple times, sent texts, and knocked on his door more than once. No response to any of it.

I'm trying not to jump to conclusions because maybe he's just sleeping a lot, sick, or wants to be left alone, but days with absolutely no sign of him is really unusual behavior for him. At what point do I stop assuming everything is fine? Do I call someone? Try to get into the room? I don't want to overreact, but I also don't want to ignore something serious if something's actually wrong.

Edit: My roommate is not in his room.

I will try my best to frame this reasonably without favoring myself and attempt objectivity.

My gf and I live with her parents and her brother+wife+child in a large house in the undisputed most expensive housing market in America. I/her have been given very little clarity about the reality of the mortgage/utilities and in a moment of frustration I voiced my concerns in front of the entire house. My questions were answered honestly about how much the mortgage+property tax + utilities, but I was immediately thrown as I realized that two things were true:

1. My gf and I are paying nearly half of all household bills for a small room in the house.

2. Combine our payments with her brother's rent and that is the entire mortgage+utility+prop. tax.

Her parents are literally paying nothing towards the mortgage and all other common bills.

They are both working and make good money, so this isn't a fixed income SS situation.

I proceeded in the same conversation to ask where their household contribution was and her father and mother both immediately stated the following:

That's the way it is

Why would we need to contribute

This is the culture

This is how it is

Don't push this

The conversation devolved into a lot of storming away on the father's part and crying on the mother's part even though I remained calm and continued to state: "I'm just trying to get information and understand."

I recognize that these responses are manipulative in nature and tried to look past them while holding firm.

Eventually the mother told me that we were expected to pay for her debts accrued in raising my gf and her brother and that that is the cultural(phillipino) norm.

I, personally feel, regardless of culture this is using your children to line your own pockets and simultaneously sap them from having any possibility of saving for their own future.

AITAH?

My partner (44m) and our child (6f) belong to a well known nationwide group that holds once a month camping events for dads and daughters. Once a year they invite the entire family to join in on the camping weekend. My partner and our daughter have been part of this group for almost a year and have gotten to know other dads and daughters, and are super into it. They get patches for anything and everything and have vests these patches get sewn onto. My partner gives me a heads up that one of the patches the “chief” is giving out to all the dads is for finding time during the family weekend to have sex with their respective partner. And then the significant other has to find the chief (a guy most of the partners have never even met) and tell him that the sex was had, because I guess the dads can’t be trusted to tell the truth? After that, the dad can then get their sex patch. Of course it will be some inside joke, as all the young daughters will have no idea what the patch signifies. I can’t help but think this is so lame. It’s changing my mind about the entirety of the group. I told my partner that it’s weird for our sex life to be on his daddy/daughter vest. And I wasn’t into this scenario at all. He was pretty shocked at my response, he doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from. AITAH?

Hey guys. I do have an update to share with you all. This is my original post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/C9soXkJRQC

A lot happened at dinner and I’ve been feeling really down since then. I’ve waited to see if there’d be anything else to update you guys on as well, but so far it’s been quiet. At least for the past week.

So, I did invite my MIL and FIL over for dinner.

It did not go well.

It was tense from the start. I tried to calmly explain why I chose my daughter’s name and what it means to me. I also asked her directly why she felt so strongly about it and tried to understand where she was coming from, but she didn’t really give me a clear answer. She kept spouting something about how I’d made her son into a bad father (??? Idk where this came from?), and doubling down on some of the other stuff she already said. She even questioned my daughter’s paternity again.

At first, my husband was kind of agreeing with her or at least not really pushing back, which made things worse. But then she said something really derogatory toward me, plus the bad parent thing and paternity issue, and that’s when things changed. My husband finally stepped in and told her she was out of line.

After that, we asked them to leave early.

They refused, and it turned into a huge fight. It escalated to the point where we had to call the cops.

It somehow got even worse from there, she started yelling at the officers about how they should be “dealing with me” for terrorism, and she even assaulted one of them. They ended up taking her in, which lead to a fight between me and John, about how she wasn’t going to take up any of her ‘threats’ (even though HE was the one who told me to call the cops). And he left.

My FIL returned the next morning and offered to watch Nissa for me while I went and talked to John. He’d been nothing but neutral the entire time and had even been helping me the night before (to get my MIL out).

We ended up sitting down and talking, and he said he was going to divorce MIL because she’d always been racially insensitive to his experiences and downright crazy to his adult children! And now there was no denying her ugliness with my situation, and he wished for me to tell John to ‘suck it’ and divorce him too, or to at LEAST tell him to grow the hell up and smell the fresh air. He would NEVER grow up with my MIL as involved as she was.

Yall, my FIL told me, until he and MIL married, my husband SLEPT IN HER BED. He was literally twenty nine. He told me a lot more disturbing things I don’t want to repeat.

I ended up telling FIL I wasn’t prepared to talk to my husband, he had said a lot of ugly things the night before, and I asked FIL to tell John he could pick up some clothes but he’d have to stay with them or find a motel.

The last I heard, FIL went to stay at a hotel, MIL was bailed out by John, and John and MIL have been staying at their house. I’ve never felt so alone.

The only thing I’m sure about is my baby girls name. Nissa Rose, and probably my last name.

Sorry it took so long to post.

Edit:

For those who didn’t read my first post, yes, FIL is my husbands step dad