r/SmoshRedditStories

Heyyy Reddit, I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore

Me (27F, Mary) and Darcy (36M) have been together for 4+ years.

I know this is long, but I feel like I need to give the full story because there is a lot of history here, and I don’t want to leave things out that might matter.

My best friend and I have basically been in a platonic relationship since we met 😂. We are a 2-for-1 package and have been best friends for almost 10 years. She has been there through pretty much everything in my life. This will come into play later.

When "Darcy" and I met, we hit it off SO well. It honestly felt like I had been looking for him my whole life. Everything I liked, he liked. Everything I wanted to do, he wanted to do. We never fought. It felt like the REAL thing.

We would literally talk on the phone for probably 12 out of 24 hours a day. Constantly calling, texting, talking. We couldn’t get enough of each other.

We lived about 40 minutes away from each other and kind of jumped the gun and said, “fuck it,” and moved in together.

Things were amazing.

Darcy has 3 children from a previous relationship. At one point, my stepdaughter, who was about 1.5 years old, had to move back home because of an unsafe situation. My best friend at this time had a daughter who was the same age. It was perfect. We could raise our babies together, go on play dates, be there for each other through motherhood. Both of the girls hit it off from the first day. Theyre still best friend till this day.

At the time, I had been at my career for 7+ years. I was a supervisor, everyone knew me, and honestly, my job was my everything.

But childcare and both of us working just wasn’t ideal, so I stepped down completely and became a stay-at-home mom to my stepdaughter.

I also had my own car and was completely independent.

When we first got together, Darcy smoked marijuana with me and barely drank unless we went out somewhere.

Once we moved in together, that changed.

He started drinking every single night and barely smokes. He would go into the garage or basement for hours every night to drink. Even when out children are having a rough time or myself. There will be small situations that will set him off around the kids, and he gets so upset he takes off to the garage of basement again but drinks about it. Everyday. And makes me feel bad every time I smoke.

And he still does this today.

About a year into our relationship, I got really sick and found out I was pregnant.

I was SO excited.

I’ve always wanted to be a mother and knew I would be a good one. I immediately called my best friend. We cried, got excited, and made a whole plan to surprise Darcy on Father’s Day.

When he opened the gift and realized I was pregnant, his reaction was completely different than what I expected.

He was cold, shut down, and stressed.

I knew our money situation wasn’t perfect, but children don’t always come when you plan them. I didn’t understand why he seemed so upset. I sat on the couch wondering what was so wrong, while he played COD.

Darcy bought me a new car to make more space for the baby and something safer but he put only his name on it.

At the time, I didn’t think much of it because I trusted him and thought we were building a life together.

Now, whenever I say I’m leaving, one of the things he says is, “With what car?”

Looking back, I don’t think I realized how much independence I was giving up.

A few months later, my best friend and her boyfriend offered to do my maternity pictures at home to help us save money.

Of course I said yes.

Darcy was involved in the pictures too, and everything was going great until his entire demeanor suddenly changed.

He got extremely upset because apparently, while I was sitting down in my dress, you could see down it.

I apologized and told him it was completely accidental if it even happened. I also reminded him that it was literally my best friend and her boyfriend taking the pictures.

I talked to my best friend afterward, and she said neither of them had even noticed it happening and after looking at the photos, nothing inappropriate was showing. She didn’t understand why he was freaking out either.

We fought about this for HOURS, days, weeks...it still gets brought up.

Then my daughter unexpectedly came a month early.

She was healthy, thankfully, but money was extremely tight and we weren’t even completely ready for her because she wasn’t supposed to be here for another month.

The birth of our daughter was amazing.

And then everything took a turn.

After we got home, I was sore. I didn’t tear, but I had literally just pushed a whole baby out of me. I had what the doctors called micro-tears, and obviously things weren’t exactly ready for sex.

Four days after giving birth, Darcy started fighting with me because his “needs weren’t being met.”

He said he was a man and needed things and that there were “other ways around it” if I couldn’t have sex.

I JUST PUSHED OUT A BABY FOUR DAYS AGO.

We fought and fought until I eventually felt so guilty that I just said fuck it and agreed.

It was incredibly painful.

Doctors generally recommend waiting several weeks after giving birth before having intercourse, but I let it happen anyway.

A few months later was my first actual Mother’s Day.

I was SO excited. I’ve always been someone who goes all out for other people on holidays, and I had just done the same for Father’s Day.

Instead, Darcy got extremely drunk while I was laying on the couch with our baby trying to get her to sleep.

He started threatening to “break my spine” and was saying extremely nasty things to me.

He apologized the next day, and I let it go.

At this point, my postpartum depression and anxiety were at an all-time high.

He was leaving me upstairs alone with a newborn and a 3-year-old so he could go get drunk.

He told me drinking was the only way he could “figure it out.”

Instead of helping me, that was the excuse.

And this went on for MONTHS.

Ever since our daughter was born he always denied that she is his. He always would say that she was my exes. It was heartbreaking knowing he wouldnt ever acknowledge that she was his own. I knew she was his... he started bringing my ex up a lot and it honestly made me start thinking of the comfortably i used to have with him, my ex wouldnt have treated me this poorly... regarless of our differences.

I started having crazy postpartum dreams. They were so vivid and it was around the same time that he was constantly causing fights over my ex. Those vivid dreams ended up being about my ex...

Eventually, I made a stupid choice.

I added my ex back on Snapchat and we talked for about a week.

I was looking for comfort because things at home were awful. I remember thinking, “What the fuck did I just get myself into?”

There were some nudes exchanged and conversations, but we never met up in person and never talked about actually seeing each other. This only lasted over a 5 day span.

Darcy knew I was acting differently and eventually found me talking to him.

When I told him I felt like my emotional needs weren’t being met, he said it was all bullshit.

Things got so bad that the cops ended up getting involved because he was threatening to kill himself.

I had him evaluated and picked him up the next morning.

We cried. We fought. We made up.

And we BOTH agreed we were going to move forward and work on our communication.

That was 2.5 years ago.

I completely understand that I broke his trust.

I do.

I’ve never denied it. I’ve answered his questions. I’ve explained exactly what happened. I’ve never tried to pretend it didn’t happen.

But I’m STILL hearing that I’m a whore because I talked to my ex.

Two and a half years later.

I’m fucking exhausted.

Meanwhile, our lives have continued moving forward.

We got custody of my oldest stepdaughter too, so now I’m raising our three girls.

Darcy barely helps around the house. His reasoning is that he’s “the provider,” so why should he have to?

He has never once given our daughters a bath.

He’s never picked them up from school without me being there. He’ll barley stay home with the girls or take them anywhere alone for an hour.

When I’m sick, I still have to take care of the kids.

If I need a break, I don’t get one.

If I’m sick, I still have to be the mom.

And now I feel like I’m walking on complete eggshells in my own home.

Im scared to pick up my phone around him, i will get called a "whore" and grt accused of talking to other people.

Darcy currently works out of town Monday through Thursday.

You would think that would give me some space, but it doesn’t. I get put down for clothes I wear or going to Walmart for too long like I’m meeting someone. I have changed my attire for him. He has made me super insecure about what i wear. I have to wear a bra or im "cheating". I have to wear longer bottoms or my ass cheeks are out. If i get dressed up and do my makeup, it is instantly "for someone else" and doesn’t even acknowledge my effort. If I hangout with my best friend I basically have to be in contact with him 24/7. If i miss a phone call or dont text back fast enough, i must be doing something i shouldn't be.

He barely wants me seeing my best friend anymore. We’ve been friends for almost 10 years, but he gets angry if I even go to her house.

He’s also extremely insecure about her boyfriend.

There has NEVER been anything inappropriate between me and my best friend or her boyfriend.

But I feel like I’m constantly having to explain and defend a completely normal friendship. It feels like ultimately it is boiling down to picking him or her. And at the end of it i will always choose her. I've tried all of us hanging out, doing things together with the kids, birthday parties, you name it. He doesnt want to be involved or even make an effort to be friends with people who love and support ME.

I’m also afraid to even pick up my phone at night to do my schoolwork. We have baby monitors he checks constantly in the house. My location is constanly watched.

If he sees me on my phone, he immediately assumes I’m talking to someone else.

If my mood changes, I’m accused of talking to someone.

He had asked me if i could paint my toe nails white and i said of course.. anything to get postive attention from him right ? I ordered the nail polish, painted my nails, not even a week later he told me i needed to repaint my toe nails immediately. I thought it was a joke, what the fuck do you mean? I was at this point laughing, making it a joke. He genuinely walked away and told me to fuck off. Go ahead look up what it means when girls paint there toe nails white on urban dictionary....... ridiculous, right? He did not talk to me for TWO days. Continued fighing with me on and off for weeks because i didnt repaint them. Realistically what mom of 3 has time to paint their toe nails, nonetheless really remember. This continued until i changed my toe nail color.

If I’m quiet, something must be wrong.

If we argue, he tells me my feelings are bullshit.

I feel like I can’t even have a normal mood without it becoming a problem.

I’m constantly thinking about how something I say, do, or even how I act is going to be interpreted.

I’m literally walking on eggshells trying not to set him off.

I’m trying to finish my degree, raise three girls, take care of the house, and somehow keep the peace.

And the drinking has gotten so much worse.

He’s drinking almost a 12-pack every night.

He’s fighting with me in front of the kids.

He’s bringing up what happened with my ex in front of them.

He’s slamming cabinets.

He punched a table hard enough to break his finger.

He’s becoming verbally abusive.

He tells me to move out.

He threatens to shut my phone off.

He takes my weed stuff so I can’t use it when he’s angry.

And then the next morning, he acts like absolutely nothing happened, wants sex and then it’s like we’re just supposed to wake up and continue our day. If I don’t it’s another fight.

It’s this cycle every time even bringing all the kids to a beach causes a fight.

And honestly, I don’t know what to do.

I know some people are probably going to read this and immediately say, “Just leave.”

But how?

I don’t have my career anymore.

I don’t have my own car.

I don’t have the financial independence I had before.

I’m raising three girls.

I’m halfway through getting my associate’s degree online.

And I’m trying to figure out how I’m supposed to completely change our lives while also taking care of my kids and finishing school.

I gave up my career because I thought we were building a family together.

I gave up a lot of my independence because I trusted that we were building a life together.

I know I made a mistake with my ex. I know I hurt Darcy. I’m not trying to excuse that or pretend I didn’t.

But I also know I’ve grown since then.

And I don’t think what is happening now is okay either.

I don’t want my daughters growing up thinking this is what love looks like.

I don’t want them watching their mother walk on eggshells.

I don’t want them seeing their father drunk every night.

I don’t want them hearing us fight or hearing about something that happened 2.5 years ago.

I don’t want them thinking that punching things, slamming things, threatening people, controlling who you see, or constantly accusing your partner of cheating is normal.

But at the same time, I genuinely don’t know what I would do if I were in my own position.

I’m scared.

I’m overwhelmed.

I’m angry.

I’m exhausted.

So Reddit, if you were actually in my shoes, what would YOU do?

Not just “leave him.”

I mean realistically.

Would you try to make it work?

Would you start planning to leave?

Would you stay until you were more financially stable?

What would your first steps be?

[supprimé]

I (23 y/o female) and my family (30 y/o sister), (25 y/o brother), (25 y/o female cousin), (9 y/o & 4 y/o nieces and 6 y/o nephew) went up to our cabin in Upper Michigan for the weekend and decided to stop at the local ice cream parlor we’ve been going to since my family I were kids. Like our normal routine, we got out of our UTVs and headed up the stairs to the ice cream parlor. Upon entrance we were met at the door by this cashier (young female somewhere between the ages of 12 and 16?) running into the shop telling 2 guests who were waiting at the counter to be served that she would help them in a second. Even at her brazenly loud volume, I couldn’t tell what she exactly said to them but it resulted in them giving each other a look, walking out, and her yelling to them “BRUH what you don’t want ice cream anymore bro?!? Have some patience.” My family and I shot each other a look like is this girl real?? Realizing this was going to be the most entertaining 5 minute interaction of all time. When she was ready for us we stepped up to the counter.

For context, my sister and I are both service industry workers so we treat servers, cashiers, bartenders, etc with a lot of empathy and respect because we know exactly what it’s like to deal with bullshit, have a rough shift, deal with shitty customers etc.

Anyways, my excited nieces and nephew went up to the counter and waited to be helped when she loudly and abrasively said to each of them “what do you want bruh”, “Be patient kid”, and any other sentence that could incorporate bro, bruh, dude, and any sort frat filler buzz words in every sentence that came out of her mouth. My brother went up to the counter and we asked for a scoop of vanilla ice cream for him because that’s the only flavor he likes. I guess ignorantly assuming that was a flavor every ice cream shop would carry, she said “uhhh we don’t have that behind the counter but I could grab it from the back if you want.” And waited giving us a look like bruh don’t make me go grab it. Ideally, we would’ve just chosen another flavor but my brother has Down Syndrome and literally will only eat vanilla ice cream. I’m sorry but he literally has special needs so he gets a pass for being a little high maintenance. So, we politely asked if it would be possible to get the vanilla ice cream. With a very dramatic look and huff, she stepped away from the counter and walked across the room to a big white chest freezer and opened it revealing about 4-5 big ice cream cartons in it and she shouted over to us waiting at the counter “Can one of you help me out with this??” My sister looked at my cousin and I trying not to crack a smile and hesitantly said “Yeah I can…” So this young girl starts LIFTING the giant ice cream cartons and put two of them in my sisters arms. I couldn’t hold in my disbelief. I very loudly said “Oh I didn’t realize you were clocked in??” Looking at my sister holding these GIANT ICE CREAM CARTONS and then looking at her. She looked at me and said “I can’t lift them”.

After what was genuinely an absurd amount of time to be grabbing one ice cream carton, she put the other ice creams back and brought the respective ice cream behind the counter. She then makes a big production out of opening the ice cream container by pounding on it with giant utensils until it cracks open. She opens it. “This is mint” she says. After another look exchanged between us, my sister quickly goes “It’s okay, forget it. He will eat his ice cream at home.” I think that was the answer she wanted because there was zero apology followed by her lack of reading comprehension.

Additionally, after each order is placed she says to her herself “single scoop, single scoop, single scoop” to, I’m assuming, remember what to ring in? Now it’s time for my order. I asked for a double scoop of my ice cream because her definition of a single scoop wouldn’t satisfy a gerbil, so she then repeats “Okay. Single scoop, single scoop, single scoop, double scoop.” Unfortunately, I have an innate sassiness to me so my immediate response was “So in other words, 3 single scoops and a double scoop.” I honestly thought my snide comment would’ve maybe been a little more helpful in remembering the order to ring up correctly later. She said nothing. Then my cousin orders a double scoop. She scoops one scoop into the dish, looks at it with an unbothered expression, hands it to my cousin and says “Here’s like one and a half scoops, I don’t really feel like scooping the rest.” At this point I was waiting for a camera crew to reveal themselves to tell us we were being filmed for an insanely corny prank show. My cousin decided to take the little ones outside from the sensory overload that was happening around us. After a good half hour of this nonsense, it was finally time to pay. She started going on a rant about how she “wasn’t trained properly” and had “no idea how to do any of this” I’m not exactly sure what she was taught when she got hired but I truly think they would be better off having a chimp work behind that counter.

She told us she had to do separate transactions for the single scoops and double scoops because she “wasn’t trained on how to do that.” I was in genuine disbelief. I’ve been working in the service industry for over 5 years so I knew that was either complete bullshit or she was literally trained by a muted YouTube tutorial. I decided to hold my tongue because I just wanted to leave at this point. My sister hands over her credit card and pays for the first check (charged for 2 double scoops of ice cream and charged us each an additional $3 for a regular bowl??). The cashier runs the card again and looks over to us, holding my sisters credit card, she says “what is your credit card number?” With pure bewilderment I said “do you not know how to read?” She did not like that. She immediately raises her voice to a theatrical volume yelling “I MOST CERTAINLY DO KNOW HOW TO READ. YOU CAN GET OUT FOR BEING DISRESPECTFUL. IT IS MY RIGHT TO KICK YOU OUT AND I’M TELLING YOU TO LEAVE.” I looked at her dumbfounded. Are you kidding? We just dealt with a half hour of disrespect, incompetence, and genuine foolishness and now I’m being kicked out for giving the exact same energy she was giving me? She was able to get a lot of words out before I looked at my sister, who was fighting to hold back laughter, and said “okay” and walked out. I walked a ways down the hallway with my cheeks beat red from such a dramatic altercation in public, and stood next to some doors so I was still visible to my brother and sister when they walked out of the parlor. 5 minutes go by and I see crazy cashier marching down the hall and pushes through what I’m assuming are the kitchen doors, yelling “I need someone to help me. I have 2 disrespectful guests, one I had to kick out already and the other won’t leave.” Out walks the cashier and a girl who seemed to be about the same age but with a nicer shirt on.

Eventually my brother and sister come out and my sister was exchanging pleasant farewells with the manager. We race down the stairs and she starts explaining everything I missed. As soon as I got kicked out she told my sister “if you’re gonna be disrespectful too, you can leave.” She stayed quiet. She starts asking my sister what her ccv number is and she, who has much more patience than I do, plainly says “you’re holding my credit card.” She shouts again. “what’s your cvv?!” My sister, in a more firm tone said “I don’t know. You’re holding my credit card.” The cashier goes “you don’t need to get an attitude with me. You can get out of here and I’ll bring your credit card to you” And my sister snapped back “Give me my credit card and I’ll gladly leave.” And that’s when she stormed out to get the “manager” (a 13 year old in a polo) and the manager checked my sister out with no issues and a friendly goodbye. I’ve never laughed harder in my life. I’m trying to figure out if I should feel bad for my attitude but I personally do not think I’m the asshole in this situation considering the nightmare overstimulation circus she put us through but maybe I’m wrong. Please feel free to let me know in the comments.

My daughter 19F lives in a different city than me 45M while she is going through college and recently I also got her a dog. I took care of the dog for about 2 weeks while she went out of town and got attached to the little pup and I turned on a camera to peek at the dog on the robot vacuum that is in my room at that condo. Only the robovacum.in my room has a camera, she knows about it, she is logged into it too.. I saw through the camera my daughter having sex with her boyfriend 20M on mine and my wife's bed. The apartment has 3 rooms, her bedroom, my wife's and mine bedroom and another room. The apartment, 1900 sq ft belongs to me, I got it for when my kids go to college, so they wouldn't need to worry about rent in that city. I go there usually weekly, bring my daughter garden veggies, other farm things from my area she likes to eat and we usually make a day out of doing something fun in the city on a weekend.

Its fine to have sex with a boyfriend, I figured she will eventually meet someone, its a right of college experience and I made peace with it, i met the guy, he seemed like an ok guy, but my opinion has changed since . Had she been in her room, thats fine, do your thing. My issue was on the bed my wife and I sleep on when we come to stay and see our daughter. More so, when i came to look after the pup I noticed stains on the sheets and now im completely disgusted that she didn't even bother wash the sheets before I came to help her take care of the dog. I thiught the stains were maybe some tea or drink my wife and i spilled. I have the vacuum in my room only because the pup likes to sleep there, and he sheds a lot and carpet collects a lot of his hair. And the camera faces his doggiebed and you can see some of my bed.

I completely blew my lid when I called her and in the family chat. I realize the family chat was a mistake, how it went was i called my daughter, asked her where does she find the audacity to have sex in my bed and were she stains from that? She yelled back asking wtf am I doing spying on her personal life? And hung up. I didnt even notice I went in the group chat, just went where I usually communicate with her and i typed, the chat that contains wife, me, her and my son and I called her ungrateful and disgusting for letting me sleep on dirty sheets on the bed my wife and I sleep on, and to top it off, messaged the boyfriend, told him how pathetic you cant bring your girlfriend to your own place, and instead choose to disrespect me by doing it with my daughter on my bed? He left me on read. I have yet to receive an apology from either of them.

Did I take it too far? Should I apologize? My wife thinks its too much, so does my niece to an extent, she does agree with majority of my reaction other than accidentally texting the family (wife me daughter, son and niece) group chat, i already got in shit for that, and thats my mistake. My end goal here is to find out how to approach this with my daughter so I avoid resentment and hate. I know she feels embarrassed, her boyfriend is probably terrified of me now.

[supprimé]

My boyfriend and I moved in together a few months ago, I have a cat that is literally my shadow. Like she follows me everywhere, constantly on my shoulders while I do work, always has something to say and just my little side kick.

For background one of my boyfriends friends "Josh" does not like me and has publicly shown that many times so the feelings are mutual. Josh's roommate is having a friend crash at their place and I guess Josh has been wanting space and I guess he's been using my place to get said space for a bit. I do believe he's asked my boyfriend if he can just come over for a bit to relax while neither of us are home.

Well he recently went over while neither of us were home and I ended up coming home early. Walking in I was thrown off by him on my couch drinking my wine that I'd been saving but whatever, my immediate thing was that my cat didn't immediately run to the door for me. I walked around saying her name calling out to her and nothing. Checked all the hiding spaces and still nothing. I'm starting to feel myself start to panic and I ask him if he's seen my cat at all thinking maybe she slipped past me in the morning.

Turns out he did know what happened to my cat. For context I fixed the backyard so my cat could go out to play from time to time or to hangout with me while I'm in the backyard she also has a harness and I will take her out for a pup cup and to draw/chill in the park, always staying in the leash/harness. Josh had seen the harness and the safety features in the backyard and came to the conclusion she liked outside so when he would come over he would let her into the backyard leaving the door open so she could come in whenever. For some bright reason he thought to let her out of the front door for "more space". He's pet watched tons of cats before so that type of thinking was just out there for me and I went into panic mode.

There have been 2 times I've let my cat off leash outside in the open and both times I spent hours chasing her. I went around looking for my cat in the neighborhood and nothing. Josh is doing nothing to help and just saying "she'll come back on her own and when she gets hungry". I lost my cool and went off on him telling him to leave and that he's and asshole and he is never welcomed in my house or near me again. It turned into a bit of a back and forth he eventually left and I continued looking for my cat.

I didn't call or text my boyfriend but I guess Josh did and told him I was an asshole towards him over an accident and overreacting about a cat. My boyfriend came home to me still outside looking for my cat and panicking. He basically told me the similar thing of how I was doing too much over a cat and that she'd come back in her own eventually and that I could have talked to Josh nicer and I was a bit of an asshole towards him while he's already stressed out and trying to find peace.

I have been told I overreact about my cat from my parents so now idk AITA?

I(28f) didn’t take my mom(51f) on a family/friend lake day after a fight over my brother(33m) and how she favors him. My brother has never moved out and actually moved his wife in a few years ago. They’ve since had my niece(15mos) and nephew(2mos). Keep in mind, neither he nor my SIL have any sort of responsibility over the home. They don’t clean after themselves or their kids, leaving dirty diapers wherever they may fall, spills, dishes, bathroom messes, laundry all for the rest of us to clean while they go off wherever they want, often leaving the kids with us too. Theu stay in a MIL suite in the backyard, with 3 unfixed(because it’ll take away their “manhood” (2M, 1F) pit bulls kept in a 12x3 cage all day and night. Since they’ve never trained the dogs or introduced them properly to our own ones already there, their oldest pit is very aggressive towards our own and recently escaped the cage and attacked ours. After a $1600 vet visit, we’ve had to keep our dog inside to heal, which he hates and he ate through our office room door where he’d been staying. The argument started essentially because my mom was demanding I pay for it and I said I wouldn’t. I can afford it, but I’m sick of having to be responsible for my brothers life, and I told her if it had been anyone else, my brother would likely be in court and forced to pay the vet bill AND damages and lose the dog. I’m currently looking to move out for my own safety and that of my dog, I haven’t before because it’s tradition to leave home once married, but I’m so sick and tired of the constant arguing over the babying of her son who, not to mention, actively dislikes her and find every excuse to berate her the moment she says anything he doesn’t agree with/want to do. Both of them are chronic liars, there are MANY examples I can give but ultimately, they’re both just unregulated and childish. My bf is making me feel bad for not taking all of this better but he hasn’t lived his entire life in this dynamic as he’s also the oldest of 3, regardless. I ended up leaving for the lake day on my own without my mom and it breaks my heart. I feel I’ve tried my entire life to have a good relationship with her but the disparity of how she treats us and her constant disrespect of me is getting hard to handle.

Obligatory, happened 2 days ago. Back story first. This guy my ex cheated on me with has been following me around for weeks. Just following and sitting in his car when I stop and get out while running errands. The guy knows what I look like, what I drive, where I live, and where I work. 2 days ago now he came into my work through Express Employment. Long story short I told them that he was stalking me for weeks before he started working here with me. Both yesterday and today I got sat down for serious talks by my manager and the second highest guy in the company.

During the week, a friend of mine had been preparing for her birthday and wanted to go out and celebrate. She invited me and the person I’m seeing, and we were supposed to meet up at a certain time. The person I was with came to pick me up, and while we were on our way, she called and asked where I was. I told her I was on my way, and she then mentioned that she would only be coming two hours later than the time we had originally agreed on. I was confused and asked if the time had changed because I remembered her saying we were meeting earlier. I hadn’t eaten the whole day because I thought we were going for dinner, so I didn’t want to eat beforehand and then not be hungry when I got there. However, because the time had been pushed back by two hours, we had already waited for those two hours and were both really hungry, so we ended up stopping somewhere and getting some starters to eat before going to the birthday celebration. We only had starters, but they ended up filling us up more than we expected. When we eventually got there, I found out that she had planned for everyone to contribute towards a large meal that she wanted to order, but she had never mentioned this to me beforehand. In fact, she had told me to calculate enough money for myself and the person I was with, and I understood that the money would only be for the two of us. I thought that we would either order individual food and each person would pay for what they ate, or that whatever money I was calculating would cover the two of us. Lo and behold, when we got there, she told me that she wanted everyone to share the expenses for the meal. This came as a surprise to me because it had never been communicated beforehand. I also thought about how, when I had my own function and invited her, I ordered food for everyone because I personally felt that if I’m inviting someone out to celebrate with me, I should cover the food, although I understand that not everyone sees things that way. By the time we arrived, she was upset with me and the person I came with because we had already eaten. She was especially angry that we had eaten somewhere else when we knew we were coming to her celebration. I explained that we only ate because we had waited two hours after the plans changed and were genuinely hungry, and we didn’t expect the starters to fill us up as much as they did. She initially denied that the original time had been different, but I eventually found a screenshot showing what had been said. She explained that she had changed the time because she wanted more people to be able to come, and I decided to let that go because it was her birthday and I didn’t want to make the situation about myself. In the end, she came with other people, and they ate the food while me and the person I came with just had drinks and stayed to support her. She then told me that I had ruined her birthday and that what I had done was very disrespectful. She also told me that if the roles were reversed and she had come with her partner, she would never have eaten beforehand. She said she would have just had drinks and gone to the function, which made me question whether I was actually in the wrong for eating. She also mentioned that she had spoken to her partner about the situation, which made me feel like the situation had become much bigger than I expected. I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful or ruin anything for her, and I didn’t eat beforehand because I didn’t want to participate in the meal. I genuinely only ate because I was hungry after waiting two hours because the plans had changed, and I didn’t know there was going to be a shared meal or that everyone was expected to contribute towards it, especially because I had specifically been told to calculate enough money for myself and the person I was with. I understand that she may have handled the situation differently, and maybe she expected me to just have drinks and wait for the food, but I feel like I made my decision based on the information I had at the time. So I guess I’m wondering, am I the asshole for eating beforehand?

I (19 years old) live with my grandma. (I will be using fake names) The night started out like any other night, I lay in my grannies bed while she rubs my head until I fall asleep. I know it may sound childish but she’s done this for me since I was a child and it’s the only way I can fall asleep comfortably. So I fell asleep like always but I woke up abruptly because I remembered I had work tomorrow morning. I got up and walked to the bathroom in my grannies room to take a shower before bed. In the middle of washing my face I hear my granny talking. She was asleep when I left her so I found it weird. I think nothing of it and go on washing my face. That’s when I hear my granny shouting. I come out the bathroom and ask my granny what’s going on. She tells me that my sister is outside the window crying for me to come outside. This is shitty of me but i start to brush my granny off saying she’s probably just tired and I tell her my sister has work early in the morning so she couldn’t possibly be over here at 1 am. But that’s when I hear it. “Luke come on, please let me in, Luke…..Luke!!” It’s my sister, bawling her eyes out crying for me to let her in, begging me to help her. I call her phone three times as the knocking is going on but she doesn’t answer. Now i’m officially convinced that my sister needs help, so ofc I start heading for the front door. Usually my balls would be tucked between my legs and I would tell my granny to go see who it is. But my granny broke her foot so unfortunately I’m the only able body in the house. Yes Yes I know i’m a scaredy cat, so much so i’d make my little old granny do it, BUT this isn’t an AITA post okay. So I reach the front door, my granny treading behind me in her crutches. I peek out the window but I don’t see my sister’s car in the driveway. Questions start running through my head as my hand is resting on the door handle. Why would she go to my grannies room and cry for me? Why not call my granny? How did she get over here with no car? Why wouldn’t she ring the doorbell? Why is she not answering her phone? Did she loose it? Is she in danger? Too many reasons NOT to open the door and too many reasons why I SHOULD open the door. “Fuck it!” I think to myself. If my sister needs help I have to at least try to help her. I unlock the top lock then just as i’m about to unlock the second lock my granny stops me. “Don’t open it” she says in this eerie tone. “What? Why??” I say confused But even while confused I back up from the door. We turn off the lights and head back to my grannies room. My granny peeks out the window and sees nothing. Now i’m freaked out. I ask my granny to fill me in on what happened who kai was in the bathroom. She proceeds to tell me while I spam my mom’s phone. (My mother lives with my sister) Apparently while I was in the bathroom my granny was jolted awake by the sound of loud banging from the window by her bed. Since it’s hard for her to move around (with the broken foot and all) she just sits up wondering what that was. That’s when she hears it again but this time with a voice attached to it……my sister’s voice. My granny says the voice just kept calling for me and it sounded like it was hurting. Chills run through my body and I want to ask more but my mom finally picks up. My mother, who was sleeping, asks what’s going on. I give her the gist of it and ask her to see if Alina(my sister) is in her room. My mother walks over to Alina’s room and, no shock to my mother, Alina is sound asleep. My mom wakes her up telling her what happened. The grogginess in my sister’s voice. Alina’s car being at her house. My sister was never here. She has been sleeping in her bed since 9pm last night. So who the fuck knows my name and is trying to lure me outside at 1am by using my sister’s voice? Do you guys think this is supernatural or do I have a stalker?? I don’t know what to think or do. So if anyone has any advice on what this might be please let me know.:3

Long story short as a kid I had a terrible accident that almost cost me my life and I ended up with 52 stitches. Growing up I got bullied because the way it happened was so dumb and people were making fun of me. in general, I am an outdoor guy and where I go I see lots of wild boars 🐗 note that. so when they became 17 and started dating a girl asked me what are these scars and because I was younger and I was afraid she would make fun of me I lied and created a very good story of these are battle scars from my fight with a wild boar. This is where it gets bad the study was so good that as a freshman trying to impress everybody believed it, and it became like part of my identity. Now at 22 years I have regreted not being honest and it’s too late. My gf know that really likes this story is coming for family dinner and there are gonna be a lot of my relatives. I am afraid that something might be said and my 5 year old lie will destroy both my relationship and the reputation I have in the family what do I do ????

Edit: because a lot of you wanted to know how I got the scars

The boar story is half true a boar did Indeed come after me but I run like Usain Bolt.(I was doing target practice in the mountain)
The scars in my hand and feet where from passing through a huge piece of glass because I was running and I thought it would be fine instead I had to do 52 stitches and missed my artery by two millimeters

I 27M have a sister who’s about 30. This past Monday she had a birthday party for her one child and while we were there my mother, my partner and myself were talking about how exhausted we were from working. For context, my mother works almost all day cleaning houses, my partner just worked a nearly 30hr weekend due to the new Spider-Man movie and I work two jobs both in kitchens.

As we were talking my sister came in and said, “yeah try raising these kids”. She had 3 girls, 11,3,2. My mom looked at her and said “I did, I raised two little assholes”. And the rest of us laughed. My sister looked at us and told her “yeah but you don’t raise these ones”. I told her my sister “you do know that mom raises the one right? Besides how about you work like we do”? My sister stood there and said angrily “my kids are my job”. And before my mom could stop me I said “no one told you to keep popping them out, and the last I checked it took two dumbasses to make a kid. You CHOSE to have them, they’re a responsibility not a job so don’t claim otherwise”. She stormed off and my mom looked at me and said “why would you do that, you know she’s gonna bitch about that later”. I asked her “wasn’t she going to call anyway”?

After that the party went on and we went home. The next day my mom called me and said that my sister was bitching about me and what I said but we both said “she has no room to talk, you (my mom) always worked even when we were little, there’s never an excuse but laziness”. We talked a little more and then my partner and I talked about this more. She said that she agreed with me but like my mom I just say shit and don’t think before hand.

Am I in the wrong about this? Overall I don’t feel like what I told her was just pieces of truth she refuses to hear but I guess I should get other opinions as well.

But I think I’m addicted to living a double life. I have a family. Reasonably successful. White collar. Generally happy. But there’s a shadow self that is a slut for serving and pleasing others.

My partner isn’t into anything above PG-13. She doesn’t enjoy getting oral. She doesn’t like her boobs played with. She rarely likes anything physical at all, and when she does, it’s nothing but 10minutes of missionary. After that, she’s done for another month or two.

Over the years I’ve met a few women, generally around my age. One single and just too busy with her career to entertain men, the others married and neglected.

I don’t want anything from them, I just crave making them squirm and blush. I enjoy letting them use my face, tongue, or whatever else they like, for their own pleasure and enjoyment. Most of the time, I don’t even get to cum, they just clean up and get dressed after they are done.

And I love it.

Part of me feels like it’s not as bad as “normal” cheating, because in a way… it feels like it isn’t fully for me, it’s sort of… just being helpful.

Am I a monster?

EDIT: ok the consensus is yes I’m a monster. Next question then what have others done in similar situations, where they are physical intimacy level 10, kink level 7, with a partner that is lvl 0/1?

So many people are assuming and not seeing my comments, so:
- yes ive talked to her about my needs/desires. Many time over the years. She gives no fucks about this side of me.
- yes we’ve tried counseling. She has no desire to do anything that may raise her libido, as she is content with it.
- no it was not always like this. Before we got married, we were like rabbits. I thought we were on the same page / the same level, physically. Only found out after pregnancy #2 that was only temporary novelty, and long term she has no interest or desire in a high frequency or high novelty physical love life.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/reallybadatjuggling

AITA for trying to help my girlfriend without hurting her feelings?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & r/TrueOffMyChest

Thanks to u/THTMorgan for suggesting this BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: >!Food tampering, body shaming, emotional abuser, child abuse!<

Original Post  July 20, 2023

I (32M) been in a relationship with my girlfriend (24F) for almost three years now. When we first got together, she was pretty overweight and struggling with her self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. Over time, she started to work on herself, both physically and mentally. I've been incredibly proud of her progress and how far she's come.

Lately, though, I noticed that she's been putting on some weight again, and it's been affecting her mental health. She's mentioned feeling down about her body image and her struggles with anxiety and depression have resurfaced. I genuinely care for her, and I don't want to see her suffer like this.

I thought about talking it out, but knew it would just devolve into asking if I'm still attracted to her (and truthfully, I have lost some attraction over the last month or so, though she does still like amazing for the most part).

I thought it would be better to take a more subtle approach, so I've started adding small amounts of sawdust to her food, the idea being it would help her feel fuller faster and encourage her to eat less without her knowing. I was trying to prevent her from falling back into her previous state of depression and anxiety.

Unfortunately,, my brother (30M) caught me in the act, and he was shocked / angry. He told me I was being manipulative and abusive, which, ok a little shady maybe, but abusive is a serious stretch.

Now my brother is giving me an ultimatum; he wants me to tell my girlfriend what I've been doing by the end of the week, or he'll tell her himself. He believes she deserves to know the truth.

I think what I've been doing is enough to help her without causing her unnecessary pain by revealing what I've done (she's already lost a few pounds). I told him I would stop, and I believe that should be sufficient. I don't see the point of telling her and potentially destroying the progress she's made.

My brother thinks I'm completely in the wrong and that my girlfriend deserves the truth. But I genuinely believe I was doing what I thought was best for her, and I don't see it as a malicious act.

Am I really the jerk for trying to help my girlfriend in this way, or is my brother overreacting? Should I tell my girlfriend what I've been doing or keep it to myself to spare her feelings? I need honest opinions here. Please keep in mind that telling her upfront that she's put on weight could seriously set back her mental health.

VERDICT: ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

OrangeCubit

>YTA - you were poisoning her food

OOP

>>It wasn't "poison"... it was sawdust. I could see if I was adding laxatives or something, but plenty of processed foods as sawdust as a filler, I thought it was a safe way to reduce her caloric intake

Morbo_de_Annihilator

>>> The "sawdust" they put in food is processed cellulose which is non toxic and safe to eat. If you're putting actual real sawdust in you could be seriously injuring this poor woman. They did that in WWII Germany as a bread additive, and many people suffered permanent internal injuries from it. >>> >>> You need to tell her so she can go to a doctor and see if she's okay. She could have life altering injuries from what you've done you absolute numpty.

~

Master_Vast_1980

>What the actual fuck. Sawdust? Yes YTA. You're secretly messing with your partners food. They trust you, and you're betraying that. Learn how to communicate.

OOP

>>It's not out of maliciousness, it's not like I'm doing it to mess with her. I'm trying to protect her feelings and get her back on the right track. If I fully communicate with her, it could be really damaging to her mental health

~

JustAShyAvocado

> YTA > > For starters I understand that you’re trying to help her in your own way but please NEVER add things to people’s food without their consent, she could’ve been allergic to that or have had suffered a different issue > > Second, adding things to her food without telling her, even if she’s not allergic to it, it’s STILL Shady as hell, and honestly creepy to an extent. > > And third, there’s much better ways to help your partner other than to keep secrets from her, you could just suggest exercising together like going for a stroll each now and then or having a shared gym inscription. > > Also, being honest? Saying you’ve lost attraction to her because of her gained weight was kind of cold, almost makes it look like you appreciate her appearance more than her, have you made similar comments to her directly?

OOP

>> Thank you for your input, and for not jumping straight down my throat. I have been trying to get into better habits together, and no, I would never say something like that to her, I know how damaging it could be, >> >> I was trying to take a two pronged approach if that makes sense. I thought if we had healthy habits AND she saw immediate results it would help her stay motivated

Update  Apr 4, 2026 (3 years later)

I don't think I can get over what I did

About two years ago I added sawdust to my girlfriend's food in an attempt to help her lose weight. Long story short, my brother saw what I was doing and forced me to tell her. Reddit agreed with him and I had to tell her because I was backed into a corner, although I didn't agree that it was the right thing to do at that time. 

I came clean to her a few days after. It was a while ago so I don't remember all the details or what was said, but I basically sat her down and said I had something to tell her. She didn't believe me at first. We called my brother to confirm, and I showed her the bag of sawdust, and I guess the realization dawned on her that I was telling the truth… 

What followed was a heated fight lasting all night and into the early morning. Foolishly, I still thought I was at least somewhat in the right and brought up how it had helped her lose some weight. I was wrong. She pointed out how I said I'd only done it a few times over the course of about 2 weeks, and how could that possibly cause her to lose weight that fast? Which I had to admit she was right about. It turned out she had cut out drinking and that was the cause of weight loss, not the sawdust. 

I don't know why, but this hit me hard. I realized that she already knew she was gaining weight and had already taken steps for her own happiness. I was going out of my way to spare her feelings, and she didn't need it. She was managing her own weight and her own feelings, and it wasn't the big deal I was making it out to be, or something that I needed to carefully manage in order to protect her. 

Obviously the relationship ended that night. We didn't live together so the breakup was pretty smooth. Over the next month she got a check up and all was good, and she agreed to not press charges if I got professional help to deal with my control issues. 

We kept in touch for a while, but it seemed cruel for me to stay in her life. I didn't deserve her friendship or her forgiveness. The fact that she offered both speaks to what kind of person she is, and it felt wrong to take advantage of that as I started coming to terms with how I treated her. We eventually drifted far apart enough to end contact, and she was doing well the last I heard. She told me once that she thought I was emotionally abusive to her, and I think she’s probably right. Her previous relationship before me was physically abusive, and the last I heard from her she was going to take some time to figure out how to avoid the same patterns moving forward.

That one haunts me, and I'll never forgive myself for abusing someone I thought I loved. 

I got counseling, as promised, and found out that I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. Basically, this means that I'm overly concerned with rejection and ridicule. I try to manage relationships to avoid being embarrassed, to the point that I control people I care about and try to carefully ‘direct’  their feelings as I did with Aimee. 

That's not an excuse, what I did was wrong, but now I recognize that voice and what it is. 

I also realized in counseling that I did have a preoccupation with weight, and that it might be linked with the disorder. 

For some background, I grew up in a household where what my father said was law. He had expectations for how his children should look and act, as well as what were and weren't acceptable interests. My brother and I were expected to behave like upstanding young men, and my sisters were expected to be proper young ladies. My father regularly ‘teased’ us (my sisters especially) if we didn't meet this image. At one point this manifested as incessant jokes about one sister's weight in particular. 

I want to tell myself that I was attracted to my girlfriend regardless of size, and it was my disordered thought patterns trying to ‘save’ her from ridicule that was causing my preoccupation with weight loss, but I also think I was just being an asshole… I know now that this experience is there in the back of my mind, and something to be aware of. 

So that's it. That's the whole story. Now the confession: I hate myself. I worry that I've ruined my ex’s ability to trust. In counseling I say and try to affirm that I can be loved without being perfect, but doesn't what I've done just confirm that I’m a bad person deep down? What's worse is that I KNOW if we'd stayed together I would have gone back to being emotionally abusive over time. My ex has forgiven me, but I don't think I can ever forgive myself

FINAL COMMENTS

[deleted]

> Your father did it to his children, it's not only sick but patronizing to treat her like a child and "know better" instead of having a conversation.  Even to children, he was openly teasing, not hiding and adding sawdust in her food.  > > You're still finding excuses and seem to want her back, if you have any decency left, stop contacting her and start fresh.

OOP

>>I did, we're not in contact anymore. And you're right, there's no excuse for what I did. But for the record, my father was wrong for what he did too. My sister is still dealing with the fallout from his name calling

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Now I know this sounds juvenile and in some ways it is but there’s a lot of context needed. Firstly I’m a firm believer in animals can sense energy in people that even we can’t notice, hence the post. I (28 F) have been friends with benefits with the father of my first child (27m let’s call him little m) that I’m currently pregnant with for 5 years but started to actually date in the beginning of this year. Now admittedly during this time I did enter a relationship with (big m, they have the same name) , and yes I know I’m shitty for that. When I found out I was pregnant I’ll be honest the father did not respond how I thought he would at all. He pulled away…I was in the hospital because my gallbladder had stones and he wouldn’t come see me due to fear of big m (big m used to fight a lot but has calmed down since us being together) . Now I get fear but you also didn’t man up and be there for me when we both discussed how each other would feel if I ever got pregnant ….now big m is not without faults. When I got pregnant me and him were living together but broken up. I broke up with him because he kept putting us in a bad place financially to the point where I had to fully control the finances and his paycheck so he didn’t put us in a hole I had to figure out. He also used to be a heavy drinker and would get black out drunk till he would piss in places he wasn’t supposed to like carpet …and has also gotten a dui while we were together. Now little m outside of not coming to the hospital I am his first everything beside sex (only one partner before me and one time) so I’m his first kiss, first gf, first mother of his child. With that inexperience comes challenges because I have to teach him how to be in a relationship and sometimes it exhausting

Now to the meat and potatoes, big m has been so attentive my whole pregnancy (I mean we do live together so I attribute some of it to that) but the things he does he doesn’t have to do but he always makes sure I’m good..little m does in his own ways but it makes me fear he wants to be with me more so than be a family. He also has some issues with spending but generally has his bills paid so it’s never that that bad luckily…but little m has no experience with children while big m comes from a huge family so plenty of experience. My fear with little m even though I love him so much is his intentions and his drive. I don’t want my child to think settling for the bare minimum is cool (he thought he was making like 12-13 at his job and was cool with it because he’s never had real heavy bills before). There’s other issues with his mom and stuff but I don’t have time to divulge into everything .

I recently got a cat named Joey who is 3 and I love his orange quirky ass. Big m isn’t much of a cat person but has been actually trying to interact with him through my guidance and Joey sometimes will accept but ultimately doesn’t really mess with him much (I think because he has saw way more of me than him since I take care of him) while little m actually took me to go get him (my car wouldn’t make it that far) and whenever he comes over he gets to see him , but Joey took to him so quick! Even though my logic is telling me love isn’t enough to make a decision for my child …the fact my dogs and cat love the father of my kids really makes me feel like is that the right choice? It’s stupid probably and I’m just pregnant and emotional but is it really that stupid? Just looking for genuine advice since I have till December to make a choice…I love them both in different ways but I don’t want to hype up big m that we’re gonna be this family unit when I’m still so in love with the father of my child…I just wish he had more experience.

Also for context when it even came to something like diaper changes where I expressed to little m “hey if I’m breastfeeding I need you on diaper duty “ and he really responded and said “ 50/50?” I’m sorry, I thought only one of us was a food source so how is that 50/50? So should I let my cat help me choose since my emotions are not as solid as I’d like.

***EDIT 1 *** (I will continue to update this post until I’m the other side of all this).

Thank you for all your concern and well thought out advice. I really appreciate the time and thought that has gone into all of these responses. I will try to respond individually when I can. I have just sent a final message to my now ex. This is what I’ve sent:

“You know, love is a choice, not coercion. What you are doing is not love, you are forcing a narrative.. Doing what you did on Sunday, holding me, leaving me no option but to accept your physical affections, through using your strength against me, until I was too exhausted and worn down enough that I stopped resisting you… This is not love… It is not kind… A kind man doesn’t require a woman to physically fight her way out of a relationship… What you did was assault and coercive control…

I do not take lightly to threats either.. I notice how you have been trying to plant seeds of fear in me, by indirectly letting me know there will be consequences if I broke up with you… Consequences such as you taking my dogs hostage.. When you said “I wonder if you would be the one chasing and coming to find me if I took Foxy”. This is a threat. Also telling me that the only way you would leave me is if I killed you, is not romantic or sweet. This too is a threat. With this kind of talk, I do not put it past you that you would take my life along with your own if I do not comply and stay in this relationship. You do not seem to understand or be aware of how unhinged you are behaving.

Upon reflection, I have realised that I am staying in this relationship, not through love… But fear… This is no kind of foundation for a relationship to continue on.

I’ve tried to do things the ‘nice’ way up until this point. I’ve kept my parents out of this and I’ve kept authorities out of this. However, it seems my niceness is just being used to manipulate me to bend to your will. I am done being nice, i am done with negotiating, I’m done with talking.. You now have no choice but to accept my decision to break up with you. If you are unable to accept this and you show up to my house uninvited I will be getting authorities involved and I will be informing my dad of what’s gone on. So take this as a serious warning to keep away.

I will be returning things of yours back to you via post. There is no need to continue reaching out to me.”

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Over 1 and 1/2 years we have been together now. He has been the textbook perfect boyfriend besides this breaking up thing. Sunday was my 7th break up attempt.. I spent a whole week psyching myself up to do it.. Planning in my head the best time to do it, the best place, rehearsing the lines over and over in my head, planning my responses to his ones, almost certain that this time, I will be able to follow it all the way through and he will accept it.

He started off by just not taking me seriously, we were in my place and he carried on lying on the sofa, trying to show me instagram reels… I demanded that he took me seriously otherwise I was going to take drastic measures.. He then just tries to deflect anything I say, saying it’s just my hormones speaking and the only way i will ever be able to leave him is if I kill him.. I kept trying to mantain space between me and him (I was sat on a swivel chair the other side of the room) and he was sat on my pull out sofa bed. When he realised I wasn’t letting this go, he kept trying to push physical affection onto me… (Trying to hold my hands, hug me, talk to me with his body touching mine). I kept pushing him away, telling him that this is not appropriate and I need him to mantain distance so he can take me seriously… He kept just using my words against me, playing mental gymnastics saying that’s the reason we are still together 1 and 1/2 years later, because he IS taking me SO seriously.

I began to cry and tried to get up to leave… He pulled me by my waist and onto the sofa bed with him, forcing hugs upon me… Kissing me, whilst I’m telling him that he his suffocating me and I feel trapped… Each time I tried to get up he pulled me back and restrained me by hugging… He kept telling me to stop trying to make him my enemy and to relax… This went on for what I believe was hours… By this point I was so exhausted, tired and hungry (it was the end of a work day for me) that I just gave in and pretended I was good and stopped pushing him to accept the breakup… This was the only way I could get free from the situation.

2 days later I am shattered and drained… I feel so weak and useless… This has happened too many times, that I feel the easiest thing is to just stay in this relationship and play the loving, happy girlfriend… I just don’t have the energy to do it anymore.. His will to remain in the relationship outweighs my will to leave…

I am also keeping this problem away from my parents knowledge, as I genuinely fear that if my dad finds out how I’m feeling he will do something terrible to my boyfriend (he is incredibly protective over me and from things he has said and done in the past, I know he would go to extreme lengths if he knew this man in my life was giving me these problems). For this reason I was trying to sort things on my own without outside intervention, as I don’t want my dad going to prison for the rest of his life.. However it’s clear that I need to do something…

Another thing that I’m terrified about (more than anything else) is the lengths he might go to to hurt me through my animals… I live on land with stables, 3 horses, 2 dogs and 5 cats… He knows how deeply I care about my dogs. On this last break up attempt (after I gave in), he ‘joked’ around saying how if he took one of my dogs, maybe then I might be the one wanting to seek, chase and find him… I saw this as a threat… I live on a farm, so my dogs (jack russell and chihuahua) are sometimes free roaming… There is a public footpath running down the middle of the land, so I can see how easy it would be for him to coax them away from the property, especially now as he has befriended them and they are familiar with him. After the comment he made, I’m terrified that in retaliation, when reality sets in that he is not getting me back, he might go to such lengths to hurt me in the worst way he knows..

I’ve been watching so many crime shows and tik toks about this kind of thing.. I am well aware the lengths an obsessive man can go to when a woman is breaking up with him and he has nothing to lose… Which is why I guess I’ve been putting it off and giving in too many times, because I know what men are capable of and I see that even when woman have the police involved, it hasn’t always stopped the man from doing his worst to make her feel his pain…