u/PuzzleheadedPrior725

First, I want to apologize to everyone who read my previous post for how badly I explained everything .I was frustrated and made it much longer and more confusing than it needed to be. Thank you to everyone who gave me advice and shared your opinions.l hope this makes the reading experience easier.

Basically, my friend invited me and my partner to her birthday dinner. Days before the function, she specifically told me to budget enough money for the two of us, so I assumed we would either order individually or that the money I budgeted would cover us.
On the day, our original meeting time was changed by **two hours**.

**I also messaged her 9 hours before telling her l would be done 1 hour before so that we can be on the way.** and she replied with “**it’s alright** “After waiting for those two hours, my partner and I were really hungry, so we stopped somewhere and had starters before going to the birthday. We didn’t realise they would fill us up so much.**l forgot to mention l told her we were taking a pitstop because of the 2 hour delay and she agreed .**

When we arrived, she told everyone **at the table** that she wanted us to order one huge meal and split the cost. This was the first time I had heard about the shared meal, so I didn’t know beforehand that everyone was expected to contribute.

She was upset that we’d eaten and spoke to me about it the next day, saying she felt I had disrespected her in front of the people she invited. Today, she explained that she also felt our eating beforehand meant the other guests had to pay more for the shared meal when they could have paid less.**Also if her and her partner took a pitstop they would just have drinks and not the food .** she told me to imagine if the roles were reversed but l told her l couldn’t because l would never do what she did back to me .She also compared it to a function I had where I ordered a huge sharing platter. However, I had already decided that I was paying for everyone.l also don’t mean to bring up the past now but on my birthday she was crying because she was upset at her partner and even though it hurt me l told myself my birthday comes every year and spent 30 minutes talking to her about forgiving her partner and l let it go.

But If someone wanted something else, they could order it, but I wasn’t going to pay for their additional food.

I never intended to disrespect her or make anyone pay more. I ate because we’d been waiting two hours and were genuinely hungry, and I had no idea there was going to be a shared meal until we were already at the table and she nudged me to tell me she wanted 2 platters and not 1 platter. They ate 1 platter and even took home leftovers we just paid for our drinks.
So, AITA for eating beforehand?

During the week, a friend of mine had been preparing for her birthday and wanted to go out and celebrate. She invited me and the person I’m seeing, and we were supposed to meet up at a certain time. The person I was with came to pick me up, and while we were on our way, she called and asked where I was. I told her I was on my way, and she then mentioned that she would only be coming two hours later than the time we had originally agreed on. I was confused and asked if the time had changed because I remembered her saying we were meeting earlier. I hadn’t eaten the whole day because I thought we were going for dinner, so I didn’t want to eat beforehand and then not be hungry when I got there. However, because the time had been pushed back by two hours, we had already waited for those two hours and were both really hungry, so we ended up stopping somewhere and getting some starters to eat before going to the birthday celebration. We only had starters, but they ended up filling us up more than we expected. When we eventually got there, I found out that she had planned for everyone to contribute towards a large meal that she wanted to order, but she had never mentioned this to me beforehand. In fact, she had told me to calculate enough money for myself and the person I was with, and I understood that the money would only be for the two of us. I thought that we would either order individual food and each person would pay for what they ate, or that whatever money I was calculating would cover the two of us. Lo and behold, when we got there, she told me that she wanted everyone to share the expenses for the meal. This came as a surprise to me because it had never been communicated beforehand. I also thought about how, when I had my own function and invited her, I ordered food for everyone because I personally felt that if I’m inviting someone out to celebrate with me, I should cover the food, although I understand that not everyone sees things that way. By the time we arrived, she was upset with me and the person I came with because we had already eaten. She was especially angry that we had eaten somewhere else when we knew we were coming to her celebration. I explained that we only ate because we had waited two hours after the plans changed and were genuinely hungry, and we didn’t expect the starters to fill us up as much as they did. She initially denied that the original time had been different, but I eventually found a screenshot showing what had been said. She explained that she had changed the time because she wanted more people to be able to come, and I decided to let that go because it was her birthday and I didn’t want to make the situation about myself. In the end, she came with other people, and they ate the food while me and the person I came with just had drinks and stayed to support her. She then told me that I had ruined her birthday and that what I had done was very disrespectful. She also told me that if the roles were reversed and she had come with her partner, she would never have eaten beforehand. She said she would have just had drinks and gone to the function, which made me question whether I was actually in the wrong for eating. She also mentioned that she had spoken to her partner about the situation, which made me feel like the situation had become much bigger than I expected. I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful or ruin anything for her, and I didn’t eat beforehand because I didn’t want to participate in the meal. I genuinely only ate because I was hungry after waiting two hours because the plans had changed, and I didn’t know there was going to be a shared meal or that everyone was expected to contribute towards it, especially because I had specifically been told to calculate enough money for myself and the person I was with. I understand that she may have handled the situation differently, and maybe she expected me to just have drinks and wait for the food, but I feel like I made my decision based on the information I had at the time. So I guess I’m wondering, am I the asshole for eating beforehand?