Do I make a relationship decision based off my cat?
Now I know this sounds juvenile and in some ways it is but there’s a lot of context needed. Firstly I’m a firm believer in animals can sense energy in people that even we can’t notice, hence the post. I (28 F) have been friends with benefits with the father of my first child (27m let’s call him little m) that I’m currently pregnant with for 5 years but started to actually date in the beginning of this year. Now admittedly during this time I did enter a relationship with (big m, they have the same name) , and yes I know I’m shitty for that. When I found out I was pregnant I’ll be honest the father did not respond how I thought he would at all. He pulled away…I was in the hospital because my gallbladder had stones and he wouldn’t come see me due to fear of big m (big m used to fight a lot but has calmed down since us being together) . Now I get fear but you also didn’t man up and be there for me when we both discussed how each other would feel if I ever got pregnant ….now big m is not without faults. When I got pregnant me and him were living together but broken up. I broke up with him because he kept putting us in a bad place financially to the point where I had to fully control the finances and his paycheck so he didn’t put us in a hole I had to figure out. He also used to be a heavy drinker and would get black out drunk till he would piss in places he wasn’t supposed to like carpet …and has also gotten a dui while we were together. Now little m outside of not coming to the hospital I am his first everything beside sex (only one partner before me and one time) so I’m his first kiss, first gf, first mother of his child. With that inexperience comes challenges because I have to teach him how to be in a relationship and sometimes it exhausting
Now to the meat and potatoes, big m has been so attentive my whole pregnancy (I mean we do live together so I attribute some of it to that) but the things he does he doesn’t have to do but he always makes sure I’m good..little m does in his own ways but it makes me fear he wants to be with me more so than be a family. He also has some issues with spending but generally has his bills paid so it’s never that that bad luckily…but little m has no experience with children while big m comes from a huge family so plenty of experience. My fear with little m even though I love him so much is his intentions and his drive. I don’t want my child to think settling for the bare minimum is cool (he thought he was making like 12-13 at his job and was cool with it because he’s never had real heavy bills before). There’s other issues with his mom and stuff but I don’t have time to divulge into everything .
I recently got a cat named Joey who is 3 and I love his orange quirky ass. Big m isn’t much of a cat person but has been actually trying to interact with him through my guidance and Joey sometimes will accept but ultimately doesn’t really mess with him much (I think because he has saw way more of me than him since I take care of him) while little m actually took me to go get him (my car wouldn’t make it that far) and whenever he comes over he gets to see him , but Joey took to him so quick! Even though my logic is telling me love isn’t enough to make a decision for my child …the fact my dogs and cat love the father of my kids really makes me feel like is that the right choice? It’s stupid probably and I’m just pregnant and emotional but is it really that stupid? Just looking for genuine advice since I have till December to make a choice…I love them both in different ways but I don’t want to hype up big m that we’re gonna be this family unit when I’m still so in love with the father of my child…I just wish he had more experience.
Also for context when it even came to something like diaper changes where I expressed to little m “hey if I’m breastfeeding I need you on diaper duty “ and he really responded and said “ 50/50?” I’m sorry, I thought only one of us was a food source so how is that 50/50? So should I let my cat help me choose since my emotions are not as solid as I’d like.