r/family

Hello all, well literally what the title sais!

My wife's grandson toby who is 22 moved in with us 6 months ago as his parents chucked him out and he just doesn't do anything but play computer games on his gamestation. He will sit infront of the machine all day and half the night whacking our electric bill up. He gets universal credit or job seekers or whatever it's called but doesn't give us a penny towards the bills!

I can't really say anything because he is nothing to do with me in terms of family. Me and Margaret married in 2016 and we was both in our 70s at the time.

I have tried to help him find work, I have even offered to lend him my best suit and drive around handing in cvs but he is more interested in this computer games. I can't say much because im not actually his grandad. Margaret seems completely unbothered that he is sat in the living room all day and half the night and does not mind the electric bill going up but it comes out of our pension!

I dont know what i can really do to be honest

So I won a pretty decent amount from a scratch-off ticket last week. Nothing life-changing like millions but enough to pay off my car and get a nice down payment on a house. I told my immediate family you know parents and siblings. Word apparently got around to my extended family because now my cousin is calling me non-stop.

He says we used to buy tickets together back in high school. That was like ten years ago. We bought two tickets once. He bought one I bought one. We never won anything. Now he's saying since we had this 'history' I owe him a percentage. He's talking about legal action and everything. It's insane.

I haven't even claimed the prize yet. I was going to quietly handle things. Now I'm scared to even talk to anyone about it. Has anyone dealt with this kind of entitlement from family members after good fortune?

When my mother-in-law died, my wife and one of my sisters-in-law (SIL) took over managing my father-in-law's bank accounts. He owns a few properties, and he'd been letting my SIL live in one of them for $3,000 a month for the past five years. He's 85 and has dementia, so he doesn't really keep track of his accounts anymore.

The thing is, for those five years, my SIL has only been paying $500 or $800 a month here and there — never the full rent. At first I figured she and her husband were just doing this temporarily, since they've been struggling financially with five kids. But now it's been five years, and I feel like I should let my wife's other 2 sisters know what's going on and see how everyone wants to handle it. My wife does not want to do anything because she's really close to this sister.

At the same time, I don't want my SIL and her family to end up kicked out or homeless. What should I do?

I have two kids both in their late 20s. They're good kids but they still act like I'm their personal ATM. My daughter calls me regularly to complain about how expensive her rent is. My son expects me to cover his car insurance and phone bill because he's 'saving up for a down payment'.

I supported them through college. I helped them with their first apartments. I even gave them each a decent chunk of money when they graduated. I thought by now they'd be fully independent. Instead it feels like the expectations just keep growing.

I love my kids but I'm approaching retirement. My husband and I have our own financial goals. We want to travel and enjoy our golden years. It's hard to do that when I'm still funding adult children.

I've tried talking to them about it. They usually just get defensive or make me feel guilty. Like I'm being unreasonable for not wanting to give them money. Am I wrong here? How do I get them to understand that I can't keep doing this forever?

Our 8 year old's brain seems to go into overdrive right when it's time for bed. He'll call me back in to read another book, which sometimes helps for a minute but then he's just tossing and turning again. We've tried the calm music and dimmed lights routine but he's still wide awake an hour later, just staring at the ceiling. I'm heading to work completely exhausted and it's starting to affect his mood the next day too. I just want to ask parents who have been going through this, what ended up helping?

I’m a 40-year-old woman, and my husband is 46. We’ve been married for almost three years. When we first started dating, everything was great. Our friends and family were happy for us, but we did move pretty quickly in our relationship.
At the time, I had recently moved back in with my parents to save money for a house, so I spent a lot of time at my then boyfriend's apartment. I have an 8-year-old son from a previous relationship, as well as two grown sons. My husband has four children, two are grown and the younger two share the same mother. Those two children spent a lot of time with him.
My son and I would often spend the night at my husband’s apartment. He had a one-bedroom apartment, so he had set up two beds in the living room—one for his daughter and one for his son. When my son stayed over, he would share a bed with my husband’s son because they were the same age. At the time, everything seemed fine.
Then things changed.
My husband’s baby mama became upset about our relationship, especially after my husband decided to pursue custody because he believed the children were being neglected and living in poor conditions. In response, she made an extremely serious accusation to DCFS. She claimed that my 8-year-old son had inappropriately touched her 11-year-old daughter. She also accused my husband of abusing his daughter.
It created an enormous amount of stress for everyone. Child Protective Services became involved, and we had home visits, meetings, and investigations. I had to have very uncomfortable conversations with my son, my family, and my son’s father. Thankfully, DCFS and CPS ultimately determined that the allegations were unfounded and closed the case. We were also able to keep documentation of the false allegations on file in case we ever needed it for protection in the future.
Throughout all of this, my husband kept telling me not to blame his daughter because he believed her mother had coerced her into making the allegations. I felt horrible and was extremely upset, but eventually I accepted being around his daughter again. She even apologized to me.
I continued trying to be the best stepmother I could be. However, I made some boundaries very clear. I would not allow my son to spend the night when she was visiting. My husband and I kept a close eye on them whenever they were around each other. I also would not allow my son and his daughter to sit next to each other in the car or when we were out together. I was trying to protect my son while still maintaining a relationship with my stepdaughter.
Unfortunately, the drama didn't end there.
Soon after we got married, his children's mother started making similar accusations again. She even traveled to suburban police departments to file reports against my husband, accusing him of abusing both his daughter and son because, according to my husband, the city police departments already knew her history. She also claimed that my husband didn't feed the children when they were with us and that he physically abused them.
The courts ordered my husband and his baby mama to participate in various programs and services, including family counseling, parenting workshops, therapy for the children, making sure they attended school, and ensuring that their medical records were up to date.
The frustrating part was that my husband was already doing many of these things. He is a good father and was already actively involved in his children's lives.
The court also conducted a home study to make sure his children were living in appropriate conditions. We passed the inspection, while their mother's home was deemed unlivable.
There were also ongoing issues when the children were with their mother. They had multiple school absences, were not up to date on their vaccinations, and his daughter frequently wet the bed. There were even times when the children would call my husband asking him to send food to their mother's house because they didn't have enough to eat.
What made the situation even more difficult was that the court required my husband to transport the children to and from school, take them to medical appointments and therapy, purchase school uniforms and clothing, and complete all of the other requirements placed on him.
He did everything the court asked him to do, even though it meant constantly leaving work to meet these obligations. Meanwhile, I felt that their mother wasn't held to the same standard, including when she failed to complete the required parenting courses.
As if all of this wasn't enough, I also lost my job. During that period, I wasn't able to spend as much time with my children, and I also made the difficult decision not to allow my sons to be around my stepdaughter because of the seriousness of the allegations she had previously made.
Thank God my youngest son was only 8 at the time and my other two sons are adults. If allegations like these had been made against one of my adult sons, I worry about how much they could have affected their lives.
Despite everything that happened, I still love my stepchildren and have always tried to be a positive role model for them. From the beginning, I told them that I would never try to replace their mother, and I have never spoken negatively about her to them.
My husband had to deal with all of this while also supporting me financially. Thankfully, I was only unemployed for a little over a month, but when I found another job, it paid significantly less than what I had been earning before.
Even after everything that happened, I continued including his children in my life. I would take them places with my son, bring them around my family, and even take them on family vacations.
However, my family has never been completely comfortable around his children—particularly his daughter. They are always kind and respectful toward her, but they don't want to be responsible for taking her places without me present.
My family is very close, and my son has a lot of cousins. They spend a lot of time together, but because of my work schedule, I can't always be available to attend family activities. So, if it's our week to have my husband's children, his kids generally aren't included in those activities unless I can be there. Some events even require to be prepaid, so when they come, I can't force my family to suddenly take his children along, even if I am available to attend.
My husband now says that I'm wrong, and that my family is wrong, for not including his children in everything.
I've tried to explain that it's not about being mean or intentionally excluding them. I chose to marry my husband, and I understand that his children are now part of my life and my responsibility. But I don't believe my extended family has the same responsibility.
My family has legitimate concerns because of what happened in the past. They don't mistreat his daughter, they don't say anything disrespectful to her, and when she is around them with me, they treat her equally. They simply don't want her around without me present because of the previous allegations and because there are both older and younger boys and men in my family. They don't want to put themselves in a situation where they feel they have to be extremely cautious about normal interactions.
My husband sees this differently. He believes that because his children are my stepchildren, my family should automatically include them in family activities just like they include my son.
And honestly, I'm struggling with resentment.
After everything we've been through—the accusations, CPS involvement, court proceedings, financial stress, my job loss, and the precautions I've had to take to protect my son—I feel like my husband should understand why I have these boundaries.
Instead, I feel like he's accusing me of being cruel or unfair to his daughter, and that hurts.
So, am I the asshole for resenting my husband for accusing me of being mean to his daughter?
At what point does protecting your own child and respecting your family's boundaries become unfair treatment toward your stepchildren? And is it reasonable for me to expect my husband to understand why my family isn't comfortable taking responsibility for his children without me present? TL;DR

For context, my mom and I have always had a rocky relationship. Lots of disrespect, arguments, and just bs.
I’m 23 and got my first apartment in April. Before that, my mom, my older brother, and I were roommates, splitting rent and bills three ways. I decided in February that I was ready to move out, applied for my own apartment, and picked an April move-in date. When I told my family my mom decided she wanted her own apartment too. She moved out in March, but by May her payment portal was locked because she wasn’t paying rent on time, and the eviction process started! She also didn’t have a car at that point. While we lived together, my brother and I would let her use our cars to get to work and wherever she needed to go. She eventually QUITS her job in June and had been ordered by the court to leave the apartment in July. She’s been staying with a previous coworker since then, but she’s been telling me that she doesn’t feel comfortable there and feels like she feels unwelcome or like a burden.

I have a one-bedroom apartment, and my living room is completely empty bc I haven’t bought furniture yet So technically, she could sleep there. I really value having my own space and independence. I just started this life in April. One part of me is saying, “You made your choices. Deal with the consequences. Don’t involve me.”
But another part of me is saying, **“**That’s my mom. I love her, I care about her, and I want to be there for her throughout her struggles.”
I believe that if the roles were reversed and I became homeless and needed somewhere to sleep, she would let me sleep in her living room. I mean what kind of son tells his mother, “I have a place where you can sleep, but I’m not going to let you stay here.”
I’m fed up because she’s 47 & she’s made these poor choices that led her here. It’s ridiculous. I don’t have anyone to talk about this with because I don’t wanna kick her while she’s down.

So I’m curious what other people think. Would you let your parent stay with you in this situation, even if you really didn’t want them to? Or would you tell them that their struggles is the result of their own decisions & your not gonna deal with it?

I just need to vent and hear some outside opinions because this has been bothering me.

My sister's husband is extremely close to me. I genuinely see him as a brother. But that relationship didn't happen just because he married my sister. My sister and him have been together for more than 10 years, so I've literally known him since I was a child. I've watched him grow, talked to him for years, and slowly built a relationship with him.

Over time, he became someone I completely trust. He's someone I can talk to about basically anything without feeling judged. If something seriously went wrong, he'd probably be one of the first people I'd call. And I know that if I tell him something personal, he won't automatically go and tell my sister unless there's a reason to or I want her to know. The same goes the other way. There is a level of emotional safety and mutual trust there.

My relationship with my brother's wife is completely different.

I don't hate her. I actually love her and consider her family. But we haven't developed that same emotional relationship. We haven't spent years getting to know each other in the way I have with my brother-in-law. I don't feel comfortable telling her everything that's in my head, partly because I feel like she judges me sometimes and partly because I don't have the same confidence that something I tell her will stay between us.

My brother keeps telling me that I should "treat her like a sister" and trust her like family.

But that's where I struggle.

I am treating her like family. I'm respectful, caring, and I don't have any hatred toward her. But I don't think emotional trust automatically comes with a family title. My brother-in-law didn't become someone I could confide in overnight because he married my sister. That trust was built over YEARS through conversations, compassion, consistency, and simply being there.

So why would I automatically have the exact same emotional connection with my sister-in-law?

And honestly, I think this applies to my brother too. If I tell my brother something personal, he will usually tell his wife. I understand that they're married and couples naturally share things with each other. I'm not asking him to hide his entire life from his wife. But if I tell him something about myself privately, I don't necessarily want that information to become something she knows too.

Because of that, I've naturally become more careful about what I tell him.

And then I'm told I'm not treating her like family because I'm not emotionally open with her.

But isn't that backwards?

If you want emotional closeness with someone, shouldn't that relationship be built naturally? Shouldn't both people put in effort to make each other feel comfortable and safe?

I don't expect her to trust me with everything simply because I'm her husband's sibling. So why should I be expected to trust her with everything simply because she's my brother's wife?

I don't think she's a bad person. I don't think I'm better than her. I don't even necessarily want things to stay this way forever. Maybe we'll become closer with time.

I just don't think you can demand emotional intimacy from someone and expect it to appear because "we're family."

Am I being unreasonable here? Or is my brother expecting a level of closeness that can't really be forced?

My grandfather is a german immigrant, and he came to the USA during a specifically rough time. Today he’s a very entitled rich man with his wife. He’s somewhat racist and super ignorant when it comes to certain topics. I want to subtly show him my point of view, and possibly change his own, but he doesn’t like to accept opinions and facts that don’t align with his own, even if he’s wrong. I’m personally very passionate about human rights and equality around the world. He disagrees with me on that topic. If anyone has advice it’d be greatly appreciated!

I’ve always felt like my mom puts men above my well-being, and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not.

When she drinks, she gets very intense with her partner repeating “I love you” over and over, asking for long kisses constantly, and acting really over-the-top affectionate even when I’m right there. One time we were stuck in the car for hours and she kept doing this nonstop, which made me really uncomfortable but she probably didn’t care.

But the bigger issue is something that happened when I was around 17. Her man has a bigger drinking problem. At the time he would regularly get drunk and make loud, inappropriate noises in the living room that made me uncomfortable, and this went on for a long time. Multiple months, and possibly a full year. My mom never addressed it with me.

Then one day I was in the living room and he suddenly came over near me, pulled his pants down, and urinated through the open sliding door into the backyard while still standing inside only a few feet away from me. There was a bathroom nearby, but he didn’t use it. I felt shocked and uncomfortable and didn’t know what to do, so I left the living room. I told my mom what happened and how scared that made me feel, and she basically brushed it off. No real reaction, no apology, nothing.

When I brought it up again later and told her it made me uncomfortable and should be addressed, she told me that if I didn’t like it, I could move out.

Another thing that bothers me is how differently she has treated her man my whole life compared to me. She’ll constantly cook for him making soup that takes hours almost every day because it’s his favorite, even packing him lunch for work and making different kinds he likes. But she does not make my favorite foods, and will cook but many times won’t cook for me. With the soup thing, or favorite foods she doesn’t even do that for her own mom.

I’m not saying this out of jealousy it just feels like it shows where her priorities are, and that she’s always prioritized a man over everything and pleasing her man. It hurts that she doesn’t put that same care into her own child and honestly, I feel like it’s eye opening seeing she won’t ever to her mother what her favorite food is or make it for her.

On top of that, growing up there were multiple times starting as young as 14 where she would kick me out of the house or drop me off at a group home. At 15, she even packed up my belongings into garbage bags and left them outside with a “free” sign. But what really always stuck with me is that I never saw her do anything like that to the man she was with. No matter what he had done. That contrast has always made me feel like she prioritized her relationships with a man over her own child.

So am I overreacting for feeling like she prioritizes her relationship over me? Or is this a valid way to feel?

We have a vacation cottage. It's small. The table seats 6, maybe 8 if you think to grab chairs from the deck which is maybe 10 steps away. But you cannot leave them there all the time, it's too crowded. And it's too hot to eat outside in the summer.

We had family over and their college age kids brought friends. Once meals were ready the guests grabbed plates and took every seat. This left me and my spouse balancing plates on our laps. Everyone was settled in and eating. After the 2nd meal, I got chairs from outside and said let's make room for everyone. No one shifted. I pushed the chairs into the table corners and repeated myself. No one shifted. It's like we were ghosts in our own place. By the 4th and last meal I got a seat at the table and watched the 2 stragglers look around like lost puppies. I told them to get chairs. More lost puppies. I spoke up and said again - go get those chairs like I did the last two meals. Make it work.

How do you treat your hosts like they do not exist?

My husband and I planned a big family vacation for next spring. It's a beach house we rented for a week. We invited his parents and his sister's family. Everyone was really excited. This is something we saved up for. Now my mother-in-law just dropped a bomb. She assumes her new puppy is coming too.

We specifically rented a no-pets allowed house. We chose it because it had enough space for everyone and was right on the beach. It explicitly states no animals in the rental agreement. I told her this and she just waved it off saying 'oh they won't know'. My husband also tried to explain. She thinks she can just sneak the dog in and no one will notice or care. The house manager lives next door. There are also neighbors who are there year round. I can't imagine them not noticing a dog. We would lose our security deposit at minimum or even get kicked out.

My in-laws are really attached to this dog. It's a small fluffy breed. They got it a few months ago after their old dog passed away. They take it everywhere with them. My husband doesn't want to cause a fight. He just wants everyone to have a good time. I'm worried this will ruin the whole trip. We can't just uninvite them. What do we do?

Cleaning out a closet with my parents last week, my dad found an old answering machine and said he'd kept it for one reason. He played a tape of me at seven, calling home to remind him to pick me up from a friend's house. I have zero memory of this.

He said he never got rid of it through two moves because hearing my little serious voice handling "responsibilities" made him realize I was becoming my own person. We just stood there smiling, which is rare for him.

Made me wonder what other tiny moments my parents have quietly held onto all these years.

TL;DR: Dad kept a 20-year-old voicemail of 7-year-old me and played it during a closet cleanout. Unexpectedly emotional.

Full disclosure: I built this, so remove if it breaks rules. My state's AG (Massachusetts) is suing Meta right now for designing Instagram to addict kids — infinite scroll, autoplay, slot-machine rewards. I couldn't build another one of those. So I made Kithly: chronological feed that ends, zero ads at any age, nothing sold to brokers, and safety as the architecture (SOS, screen-time, consent-based location that's a single point in time, not tracking).

Biggest open question I'd love this sub's take on: is "the family as the network" a strong enough wedge to beat the cold-start problem? Roast it: [link in comments]

My wife, my mother and sister got into a horrible argument when she was about three weeks postpartum. My wife didn’t want visitors and my family showed up It has now been six months since my wife went no-contact with my family. The original argument was initiated by my mother, she humiliated and disrespected my wife and my mother has still never apologized to my wife. This is breaking my marriage and I don’t know how to move forward..

Since then, my wife and I have continued to have ongoing arguments about my mother and my family. My wife takes our baby everywhere she goes, so if she visits her mom, the baby goes with her. However, because of everything that happened, the baby has not been around my side of the family.
I’m starting to feel resentful and bitter because my wife continues to have the baby around her mom while my family doesn’t have the same access. My wife does include me and has never intentionally excluded me from going with her, but I have chosen to stay behind because I feel like my family isn’t being treated equally I shouldn’t spend time with her side. I feel like my wife should understand how difficult that is for me, while at the same time, she is continuing to live her life and spend time with the baby while I stay home.

Most of my wife’s extended family lives in Texas, and her dad outside of the country. She has not seen her dad because I have not signed the document needed for baby to travel. I refuse to do so until my mom sees my child .. to add on Her family in Texas recently invited both of us to a birthday celebration. My wife was really excited about going and wants to take the baby. But honestly, deep down, I don’t want her to go and I told her I had to work that week. It’s hard for me to imagine my child interacting with her family when my own family has been restricted from seeing her. It’s unfair that she gets to enjoy while I stay behind.

I told my wife that I don’t want her to take the baby, but she told me she is not going without her. Is it understandable that I feel this way given everything that has happened?

My husband and I have always had different outlooks on me being a SAHM, he views it as women who don’t want to work and living off their husbands hard work and I view it as a woman’s choice and a valid one if that’s what she wants and works for their family.

I want to be a SAHM and give up my job but my husband gets angry if I even bring up the subject. My husband earns about 8x what I do in a well paid job. He’s treated in high regard and has a lot of autonomy how he spends his time at work and is in a work hard play hard industry. I am in a job where I am underpaid, have a difficult relationship with my manager who refuses holiday and scolds me at time I need to take off for our son when he’s sick. I struggle to fit my work expectations in my hours and often just feel overwhelmed whilst being told I’m only meeting expectations at work.

I am the default parent, default homemaker and contribute proportionally to bills which leaves me with no disposable money left so I live off my credit card. My husband proportionally pays the rest of our bills but still has a lot more left over, so can afford trips abroad with friends and eating out etc whereas I have no money for socialising. I resent we live different lifestyles, but to add to that I have the mental load of the home plus work. I also have a chronic health condition that at times leaves me feels chronically fatigued and the stress in my job is contributing to my general poor health.

We want another child via ivf, but due to the state of my health, my stress at work I just know I can’t go through with it. The years are running out and soon it will be too late. I’ve broken down to my husband, been numb but he still says it’s just not an option to give up my toxic job. My salary barely covers nursery so if I wasn’t to work right now it would have little impact on our lifestyle other than our son would be home with me more.

This has all led to my parents and friends being very put out with my husband. I’m trying not to be a victim he’s an amazing father and can be very caring but there’s this one thing he refuses to discuss. And I feel controlled because it’s not a discussion it’s just his way. Due to the financial set up I’m now trapped in credit card debt so can’t just quit anyway.

Am I being silly? Should I suck it up and be grateful for what I have. Most women do need to go out to work. I’ve tried applying for other jobs but most require more office days or hours which won’t fit around my son’s care as my husband works long hours. I just feel so helpless.

Last night we went to my in laws for dinner and I took a snap of her chilli and posted it to my story with the caption "Mother in law made some bomb comfort food". Couple of people i don't talk to often replied with "That's weird to just call her that"

I didn't put "my" in front of it either because I didn't feel like i had to. I call her my mother in law all the time, shes given me permission to call her Mom or by her real name. I use a mix but if im talking to people outside our family I just say "mother in law". Is that weird?

I know we are months away but it is fast approaching and I am starting to get nervous and struggling to figure out what to do.

To preface I lost my mom 2 years ago and my dad lives alone, he is elderly and not in good physical or mental health. He lives about 20 minutes away and my in-laws live 5 hours away.

Last year my cousins from another country moved near my dads house so decided we would have Christmas at my dads house, I was pregnant at the time so it made more sense, I invited my in-laws numerous times if they would like to come and spend Christmas with us (they have no issues travelling and do regularly) as we would not be going to theirs for Christmas. They refused and continually invited us up to their home for Christmas for months knowing we already had plans they were invited to! My husband got a phone call from his mom saying “when are you going to start prioritising your family” meaning my in-laws and we should have gone up to their home for Christmas.

Now this year nothing about Christmas has been brought up but now my daughter is born I know they’ll be wanting to spend it with her, which is fine with me BUT my dad is in poor health and it wouldn’t be easy to bring him on a 5 hour journey along with a 9 month old and dog. I wouldn’t mind having everyone over to my dads including my in-laws and my cousins but I don’t think my in-laws will want to do that. Another option is just spending the day with my husband and daughter but I don’t want to leave my dad as I don’t think he has many christmases left and my in-laws wouldn’t be happy if my dad got to be there for my daughters first Christmas and not them.

Sorry if this is all over the place but any advice would be much appreciated!

I’m 85 years old now, and my daughter cut me out of her life in 2012. The reason goes back to something that happened when she was 13 years old. Her stepfather, who is still my husband, exposed himself to her. He apologized, promised it would never happen again, and as far as I know, it never did.
For many years, our family moved forward. Then when my daughter had children of her own, she brought the incident back up and said she did not want her children around my husband. While she still allowed me to have a relationship with her and my grandchildren, things changed after I took the children to lunch one day. They were young at the time, and I told them that their grandfather would never hurt them, that he was a good man who had made a mistake many years ago.
When they told their mother what I had said, she cut me out of all of their lives. My husband had been a provider throughout her childhood. He paid for private school, bought her a car when she graduated, and was involved in raising her. She remembers him very differently than I do.
The years have passed, and my grandchildren are now adults. None of them want a relationship with me. I believe my daughter influenced how they see both me and my husband, though I know she would see it differently.
I have come to accept that I cannot change any of it. Still, acceptance does not erase the grief. I miss my daughter. I miss my grandchildren. And even after all these years, the loss still hurts.

I run a small cafe and cycling shop. Most of my family gets it, but a few treat the place like their personal supply depot. My uncle comes in with friends and expects free drinks and snacks, then jokes that he's "keeping me in business." Last month my cousin asked to borrow a bike for a full month because she's training for something, and said it would be "good exposure." I said no and it got weird between us.

I don't mind helping out when someone genuinely needs something, but this feels different. There's this assumption that because I own the place, everything costs me nothing. It's started bleeding into family events too. I catch myself tensing up waiting for the next ask.

I've put together a loose personal rule about what I'm willing to offer and what I'm not, but I still feel guilty every time I actually stick to it.

Has anyone else dealt with this running their own place?