r/family

I had to move out of my parents' place last year because I am at the age where I want more independence. They were starting to control how I spent my free time, since I wasn't progressing as fast in my career as they wanted me to.

Anyway, I am a grown man in my mid-20s who lives on his own & financially responsible for everything except my phone bill. What bothers me is how my parents think they are entitled to track my location. My other set of parents and friends are fine; they don't monitor where I am. My mom says she is worried about me a lot, and I think it's because I don't follow their preferred bedtime routine. I need my full autonomy. She mentions too much in text, oh I see you're here, or I see you made it home now. When I confronted her about it, I said, "I am not going to share my location anymore." She replied, "Well, it shouldn't be an issue if you're not doing anything you're not supposed to be doing." Very vague. Then I told her, " Well, I'll get my own phone plan, and then I am not obligated to share." She then said, "I'll have to ask your stepdad."

They're decent people, and I'm grateful for them. It seems he's pretty controlling and manipulative to her at times, so I think this is her subconscious response. I will get my own phone plan once I find a more stable job, but this is ridiculous, right?

Hello everyone, M in his twenties living in France. TLDR

I would like to have your opinion on a family situation that is really starting to weigh on me.

My parents are from West Africa. In my family, I sometimes have the impression that children are seen as a future financial support for their parents once they grow up and start working.

My father regularly asks me for money, whether I work or not. A year ago, I was a student. Even when I worked little or stopped working for several months to concentrate on the studies I had to pursue, he continued to ask me for money.

Today, it’s almost become a habit: at the end of each month, when I receive my paycheck, he asks me to give him money.

What particularly bothers me is that he also asks me to save my money, not to spend unnecessarily and to pay for my own subscriptions and expenses. In itself, this advice is not bad. But, at the same time, he is waiting for me to give him money whenever he needs it. So I feel like he’s asking me to be financially responsible while considering that my money must remain available to him.

He regularly talks about the groceries and other purchases he makes for the house. When he receives money or makes expenses, he reminds us that it is for us, his children, and explains that he has spent all or a large part of this money on us.

The problem, however, goes beyond mere demands for money.

My father owes me so much money today that I ended up forgetting the exact amount. Several times, he asked me to lend him money. I agreed, thinking that they were really loans and that he would pay me back later.

But when I ask him for the money he owes me, he says that it was not a loan, but a help or a gift that I would have given to the family. So he uses the fact that the money went to the family to justify that he doesn’t pay me back.

I find this situation particularly unfair: when he asks for the money, it is a loan, but when I want to recover what is owed to me, it suddenly becomes a gesture of solidarity or a gift.

I specify that my father has no access to my bank accounts and does not open my mail. The problem is not that he directly controls my accounts, but rather the repeated requests, financial expectations and the way he presents the amounts I lent him.
My mother also recently started asking me questions about my studies. She particularly wanted to know how many years I had left before finishing them. She told me about the army, making it clear that she would prefer that I join in order to receive a good salary and associated benefits.

I had the impression that in his eyes, my studies were not really a priority and that earning money quickly mattered more. This bothers me, because I want to continue my studies and build my professional future according to my own goals, rather than choose a path mainly for its salary and the benefits it could bring.

Sometimes I have the feeling that my parents are more interested in what I could provide financially than in what I really want to build for my future.

Yesterday, my father asked me for €10. I refused. He then said that he was waiting for my little sisters to work so that he would be at peace. One is 18yo and the other only 13yo.

This sentence particularly struck me. I felt like he was waiting for his children to start earning money so that he could count on them financially.

When I refuse to give him money, he sometimes agrees, but he can come back to me a few days or weeks later and ask again. He also gets angry and reproaches me for spending too much or telling me that I should change jobs.

The problem is that I don’t refuse just because I lack money. Even if I had some, I wouldn’t necessarily want to give it to him, because I don’t like this feeling of permanent financial obligation, especially when he already owes me money and refuses to acknowledge some of his debts.

At the moment, my situation is actually very complicated: I only have 15 cents left. I barely have anything to eat except bread. So I can’t even afford to meet his demands.

I understand that a parent may have financial difficulties and may need help. I also understand that in some families and cultures, solidarity between generations is very important.

But I have several questions.

Does having raised children mean that they must then contribute financially to their parents' needs, even when it puts them in difficulty ?

Is it normal to ask your children to save money while regularly soliciting their money, and then consider the unpaid loans as gifts when they claim their due ?

For me, feeding your children, raising them and providing for their needs is part of parental responsibilities. I don’t think it should automatically become a debt that children are supposed to repay for their whole lives.

I’m not saying you should never help your parents. I just think that this help should be possible and voluntary, and not based on guilt or a permanent obligation. And when it comes to a loan, I think that the fact that the money was used for the family should not allow one to later deny that it must be repaid.

I would like to have your opinion, especially if you grew up in a family where parents are waiting for their children to support them financially once they become adults.

Do you find this situation normal ? How do you make the difference between family solidarity and feeling financially indebted to one’s parents ? And how would you react in the face of parents who seem to favor their children’s future income over personal projects ?

So, for some context. I’m now 20 years old. My grandmother made a college fund for me when I was 5, and put 150k in it. No contributions were ever made by my mother or father. Just that initial balance from my grandmother. Which I appreciate very much and I’m insanely grateful. Anyway, My mom is notoriously horrible with money. She’s a part time employee making about 70k a year. She doesn’t work part time for health issues, she just doesn’t feel like working any more than that. My grandmother separately sends my mom around 80k a year, and my uncle is currently paying our mortgage for the house my grandma purchased my mom. Which was originally in full but she decided to take out a 300 thousand dollar loan…. Anyways, I’ve been prying to try and get a meeting with the company that holds my 529 account as I’m extremely money conscious. The last time I checked my account, I had 158k. This was in May. Already, I knew something was up. You don’t have anything invested for 15 years and only accumulate 8 grand. In the meeting I had with my college fund advisor, I was told I have 121k. She has taken 37 thousand dollars from me since June. I was already horrified. I downloaded the app and checked the transactions of withdrawals since October of 2024. I can’t go any further back. It totals to 121 THOUSAND DOLLARS. I’m extremely upset. This money was supposed to get me through all of my schooling, and I was planning on adding in several Roth IRA contributions and using it to start off my adult hood. Am I in the wrong for being so upset? This was never my moms money, it was my grandmothers and she gave it to me. For some context, I’m so worried about my financial standing that I’m doing schooling online and taking part in several internships so by the time I graduate I’ll be able to live a life I want to live. And I’ve been doing this since before she has taken over 80 GRAND from me. I haven’t talked to her about it yet. But I’m furious. My grandmother will not give me any more money, everyone is already getting fed up with my mom. So I don’t know what to do. I feel like I could have finally felt relaxed if my mom has never stolen my money. I honestly don’t know what to do. And this is only the money she’s taken from me in the last two years.

This has been going on all my life and no matter how many times I try to set boundaries they always make out like I’m the bad guy and I feel like I’m doing something wrong.

For context, I sometimes buy food that’s not to share. Only little things like a donut or some chocolate but I’ll keep it in the fridge to save for when I want to have it. When I was younger my mom would eat it and then pretend that she didn’t know it was mine. So I started either leaving a note on it or verbally telling everyone in the household that it was mine.

However, she would still eat whatever it was I had. Even when I was trying to meal prep I’d spend two hours a week making my food and by the end of the week it was all gone because she would eat it. This would either leave me hungry or out of pocket for having to buy food at work. I’ve tried to tell her on multiple occasions the impact this has on me but she would accuse me of being selfish and stupid. She is of a firm belief that because I live under her house, everything that I own belongs to her.

Recently, this behaviour has gotten even more bizarre where I’ll walk away from eating something only to come back and find it gone because she’s helped herself.

I really don’t know what to do or if there is anything I can do? I suppose I’m just looking to see if this is normal behaviour in other people’s households because it feels really odd and does make me more upset than I like to admit because it almost feels as if she is permanently overstepping my consent.

So first, I messed up and I’ll take full accountability for that.

I’m a FTM and I already extra, over the top person, so (just my personal preference) I want to do it big for my first pregnancy. So I want the huge gender reveal and a big themed, beautiful baby shower. I did the same with my wedding and I don’t regret a minute of it lol.

So my husband and I have the gender written on two letters in my kitchen drawer and we planned on mailing it out to one of my family members and his mom closer to thanksgiving (that’s when we’re doing the reveal when both families will be in town). But my MIL wanted to know the gender as soon as we found out like 2 weeks ago. I messed up and told her we’ll mail it as soon as we find out.

But then, we had second thoughts because I KNOW she’s just so so so excited, this is the first grandchild, niece(nephew), great grand etc. And there was 2 months left until thanksgiving yet and I was afraid she’d somehow just let it slip.

He has a very overly close and protective family and mine is very “cold” and can be toxic (I haven’t even told my side I’m pregnant yet). So basically I want this entire pregnancy to be on my terms and I really want to enjoy all of it. Saying that to say— I think his mom will spoil the reveal if we let her know too early. Not purposely, just out of excitement. So my husband and I told her we changed our mind, and she’ll find out later.

His mom lost it. She’s been talking about us to others and hounding us about it. I was upfront with her and I apologized because it was wrong to tell her that we would let her know then take that away from her. But I explained that I was very very nervous she’d accidentally spoil it. Then she said, “but you don’t understand, it’s MYYYY grandchild.” And I’m like “I’m but it’s my child?” And it just makes me nervous because his side already does not have boundaries so I thought that was kind of weird for her to talk about the baby as if her feelings take priority over the mother (me)

OK anyway, so skip to right now. After I apologized and let her read me out, I compromise and told her that instead of telling her two months in advance, I’ll let her know a month in advance. We still have to send it out to my other family member and they’re gonna help actually do the gender reveal, but I was just afraid to let her know too early in advance. So we agreed on October 20. But now I haven’t been able to sleep at night and I genuinely just don’t think I wanna tell her at all. I want her to be able to experience the surprise with everybody else. I don’t trust that she’ll be able to keep it a secret for even a month. And also, I don’t like the fact that she’s kind of now put that pressure on me and I feel like it’s gone to her terms. I understand that I never should’ve said yes to begin with. And then after feeling bad I gave in again. But I’m afraid that I’m starting a precedent with pushing boundaries with the baby.

But then she made a good point because she said that I need to remember these “boundaries” when we wanna go on vacation and drop the baby off with her. But I feel like that’s making it a transactional relationship and that bugs me too..

Idk please give me your perspectives about how to navigate this, anything similar you’ve experience, or any constructive and not judgmental advice please :)

I am 17 , my mom is pregnant again at 41 , she went away with my father for 40 days returns a month pregnant, i don't know how to feel about this , can someone with similar age gap tell me how it feels I will be 18 when the child is born

I have a 35 year old brother who has never had a job in his entire life. He graduated from university and has lived with our parents ever since, with them paying for essentially everything.
He doesn’t have any intellectual or physical disabilities, but he has very strong social anxiety and struggles with interpersonal relationships, although he did have friends at school, so he isn’t completely unable to communicate with people. However, he seems unable to handle new environments, responsibility, or situations where he feels pressure.
My family isn’t extremely wealthy, but we are financially comfortable. Our parents paid for everything through university, and we both grew up without major financial difficulties.
My brother can do things he enjoys - he goes to concerts, goes shopping etc - but he avoids anything he finds stressful or uncomfortable. I feel ashamed that my 35 year old brother has never worked because he doesn’t want to take on responsibility, and that he is still living essentially the same life he did as a child. I’ve even hidden his situation from my friends. I recently got a partner, and I know I’ll eventually have to tell him about my brother. I’m already dreading that conversation.
I’m also very worried about what will happen when our parents die. I’m worried I may be expected to financially support him. That could affect not only my own life but also my future family’s life. My parents have some savings, but I don’t think they have enough to support another adult for the rest of his life.
I feel that unless my brother himself decides to change, nothing will change. However, my parents have been avoiding having a serious discussion about his future.
What should I do? If anyone has been in a similar situation, I’d really appreciate hearing how you handled it, especially after your parents were no longer able to support your sibling.

I grew up middle class, mom was a teacher dad was a school bus driver but they are amazing and generous parents which is something I’ve never taken for granted. My uncle, my dad’s brother was a teacher and my aunt, his wife is a big wig in high finance and they do well for themselves. They have a daughter my age and we’re very very close. Despite my parents being middle class they got me a car when I got my license and helped me pay for college, I always had a job during college but that was more for spending money. My aunt uncle don’t do anything for their kids no car, no college, never spending money when they were younger. That is fine everyone has different boundaries with their kids, the problem is my uncle constantly talks to me about finances in the most uncomfortable way. I am currently in grad school, I pay for it myself, I pay my own rent, and I work full time. Every time I see him he makes some sort of comment on “and your dad paying for your grad degree!! Awww” (which isn’t true) or “I’m glad you were able to come visit your family in your nice car your father bought you!!” I’m in my mid 20s now and I am so appreciative of my parents it’s not lost on me that they did a lot for me, but I also think it’s not my uncles place to insert himself in things he doesn’t know and doesn’t involve him. I want to say something next time he says something to me but I don’t want to be rude or make anyone uncomfortable, how do I approach this?

Origianl post here:https://www.reddit.com/r/family/s/K5B8260czN

So if you want to see wha happened the like is there but in a nutshell, got home from getting something for me and my friend and caught my brother and friend having sex. I decided to try to think about other things today but my friend a while ago asked if he could come over tonight again. Now I’m pretty sus of him. That he could be using me for him. So I told him about what I saw and I knew about it. He stopped messaging and he said that my brother was quote on quote “making him do it” so i ask my brother and he confessed tha they were in a relationship so at this point I don’t know what the fuck is happening so can anyone give me some advice? should i just cut my friend off?

When my children are with their father, every other week, it feels very uncomfortable to call them. When the phone is picked up, no one says hello and it seems that the kids don’t really know what’s going on because I hear them asking questions like “what” “what is it daddy”. I gather that their father just picks up and passes them the phone without saying anything. Sometimes if he’s in the middle of doing something with them, he keeps doing it, almost as if he’s distracting them from talking to me. I usually even send a text before calling to let their father know that I’ll be calling, because I understand that his time (with them), does not revolve around my desire to speak to the children and I understand if he tells me that they’ll call me back if the time that I’m calling is not a good time. That has happened. My phone calls with the kids are very short; usually just like a check-in; “How was your day?…Good night I love you.” They are 7 and 10. I know that around last year when my oldest used to tell his father that he wanted to call me for something and their father did not want them to share certain things with me, he would threaten to punish them. I do feel like at this age, children should be guided on many things, including phone etiquette and respect for their parents. They don’t necessarily disrespect me, but at times they seem annoyed to speak to me, which I understand is part of being a child, but it almost seems like it’s encouraged by their father whereas when he calls, I make sure that all distractions are put aside and that they speak to their father in a respectful way. I’m not doing it for him. I’m just raising my kids. Does anyone have experience with this either as a mother or as a child of divorce? Any tips or advice are greatly appreciated. TIA

Im 21f, my little brother is 15 and i have an older sister who is 25. Me and my brother have always had a rocky relationship. We get along well and laugh when we was younger, he was like my baby. Always with him. But as i got bit older, i got so annoyed by him. He always has a lot of energy and i dont. He was so annoying and misbehaved. My older sister hit him when he was misbehaving from a young age. He would also fight back but yk he was way younger than my sister and me. I used to get so annoyed that me and him would fight. My sister moved eventually so only us two together. Me and him continue arguing and him always annoying me. I think he has adhd or something. He also has big anger issues. When he gets mad, he gets REALLY mad. We have kicked each other and scratched. I mostly gets so annoyed and he is all in my face and wont listen so i have pushed him away. He has gotten into trouble with the police at 15, where he had to stay there for a night and he has tried some drugs.

This has been insanely tough for me and my family. Always worrying about him. He is a pretty spontaneous and energetic. When he annoyed me he would continue even when i said stop and kept going until i had to physically push him out my room and lock my door, he keeps pushing my door and kicking the door and then starts a fight. He has said that he remembers all the times where i hit him and same with my sister and that he wants to take revenge and has hit me even harder, he is taller and stronger than me now. He has said he wanted to kill me when we fought. He also said he has no empathy I genuinely got so scared that i had to go out the house, and this has happened multiple times.

We dont live together now, he lives with my dad and i live with my mom. I am scared that i have made him a violent person, that its my fault that he has anger issues. That i have pushed him down so much that he now is arrogant. That he felt so bad bc of me and my sister that he now is taking revenge. My parents used to fight a lot too but i dont think this is bc of them. I want the best for him and i hope he gets better with age. I always care abt what he is doing and his safety. But when i see old pictures of us or when i think about him i just cry and regret what i have done. I wish i showed more love, i wish i comforted him more bc i am his older sister but we just kept arguing. I cant go back in time and that hurts me. I dont think i will ever stop regretting this.

Its hard from me to give you the whole story, believe me its a story. Long story short. My daughter whos 9 called wanting to go to the pumpkin patch, shes with her mom. When I have her I never have her call her mom asking to pay for things. If I cant afford it I tell her we cant afford it. I told her mother that, she passed the phone to my daughter and my daughter said if I didnt pay for her to go she wasnt coming with me next week. I told her not to threaten me like that. She said oh you think I won't and hung up and blocked me. All these behaviors are learned from her mother. Anyone have a problem similar or have advice? It would be appreciated.

For context, she’s been a lifelong friend to me and one of my favorite people in the world. We haven’t been as connected lately, but we are both very busy adults. We’ve had disagreements in the past, but were able to move on with no harm done. This time feels very different.
About a month ago, she took my son for a haircut after I asked her not to and brought him back absolutely chopped. I was devastated. I was upset at the situation but I knew she meant well, and I didn’t feel it was worth fighting about, so I didn’t say too much about it (especially to protect my son’s feelings). However, my husband did tell her “never again” though I don’t think she took him seriously.
The other day, she came to pick up my son from the daycare where I work to spend some time with him. Immediately upon arrival, she said she was going to take him to get a haircut. I very firmly said no, and when she asked why, I explained why. I tried to be matter-of-fact about it, as I said, I didn’t feel it was worth fighting over so I left my feelings out. It seemed as though she tried pushing back, saying things like “but” and “I just..” but ultimately never acknowledging my no, which I repeated. At that point she tried to walk out with my son. What I meant by what I said next was that if she wouldn’t acknowledge that I was serious, he would stay with me. What I said was, “fine, he can stay with me then.” At that point she left him and then texted me calling me an a-hole, a b*tch, and that she “doesn’t f*\*\*\*” with me, among other things.
Here’s where I’m conflicted. First of all, there’s no one in my life that speaks to me this way. However, I’m not that close with many people. I’ve seen her click off crazy on others before, but has NEVER spoken to me this way in all my life. I can see why my firm “no” would upset her, but I am sure that I wasn’t mean. That’s why this all caught me so off guard and is so hurtful. I wasn’t even angry- just trying to prevent another haircut disaster. I ended up blocking her as she wouldn’t stop with the mean texts. I currently have no desire to unblock her. In my mind, forgiveness already happened the first time she crossed the boundary, when she took my son for a haircut after I said no. Her response in this situation was really hurtful and I have no desire to continue a relationship with someone so mean. My question is, am I being too sensitive? Do people normally just argue this way? This is a lifelong, close friendship with my aunt. I know that we will eventually need to talk about it, but I have no goal in mind. I just don’t know what to think.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for your time. I plan to talk with my therapist about it, I’d just like to hear what others think. Is this normal between adults?
TL;DR
I told my aunt she couldn’t take my son for a haircut after she’d already done so against my wishes and the haircut was terrible. In response, she called me a b\*tch and a bunch of other mean things. Not sure where to go from here.

I went through my whole pregnancy living with my fiance and his brother , without really having a say. His brother helps him with work on the weekends only. He doesn’t work tho. He’s 20 me and fiance are 23 but idk why I get so bothered at times. He doesn’t buy groceries and sometimes when I make food he’ll make something else. My fiance will buy us all chips including the brother and he’ll still end up eating mines when I was pregnant this would enrage me sooo much. When me and my fiance buy groceries I get myself my own lemonade because I don’t drink soda , that’s all they drink. They drink like 4 cans a day but when they run out of soda he drinks my lemonade and idk why it just bothers me so much becus then I have nothing to drink. Am I invalid or should I tell him to get a job and buy his own groceries? Idk what to dooo I don’t want to be messed up either idkkkkk

I am the oldest and I feel like since i was younger my parents made me the third parent. They would ask my advice on any important decisions but they would also treat me like they were afraid of my anger. My bad feelings when i am upset are shut down and not talked through. They are very avoidant with my emotions and it feels me with rage.
I dont see them so often so it’s not too bad but they affect my relationship with my siblings because I see them always take my siblings side when my siblings and i get into a fight. Its like they just label me unstable and they dont want to see my point of view. I see this with my father especially, he makes me so sad and angry because he cannot hide that he prefers my siblings to me. He treats me horribly and acts confused when i am sad about it. He expects me to know everything, to guide everyone and make everyone’s emotions calm but nobody looks out for my emotions. Except my siblings sometimes.
It makes me depressed.

Not sure who needs to hear this, but your child may not be “too emotional.” They may simply be feeling more than they know how to process.

I was that child.

I struggled with depression, bullying, self-harm and suicidal thoughts when I was young. Eventually, I ended up in a mental hospital.

And one of the things I remember most clearly was seeing so many other children there.

Some were much younger than me.

Different personalities. Different circumstances. Different stories.

But I noticed something.

Many of us were incredibly sensitive. We felt deeply. We thought deeply. We noticed things other people didn't. Some were neurodivergent, some weren't. Some were highly analytical, some intensely emotional, some withdrawn.

But many of us didn't know how to handle everything we were feeling.

And many of us weren't receiving what we needed at home.

Acceptance. Understanding. Belonging. Unconditional love.

Instead, there could be a lot of criticism, judgment, anger, comparison or simply a lack of understanding.

I don't say this to blame parents.

I say it because there are things parents genuinely don't know.

And I wish someone had told my mother these things when I was younger.

One of the biggest things I learned through my own journey is this:

Emotions need to be felt, heard, accepted and processed.

They don't disappear because we suppress them.

And when someone is already highly sensitive and experiencing overwhelming emotional pain, not knowing how to process that pain can become unbearable.

Sometimes self-harm becomes one of the ways a person tries to manage or release that pain.

It doesn't necessarily mean they want to die.

Sometimes they simply don't know what else to do.

And I think this is something every parent of a sensitive child should understand.

Your child isn't necessarily trying to make your life difficult.

They may be trying to survive an internal experience they don't have the tools to understand yet.

And the environment matters too.

Children learn from what they repeatedly experience.

If anger is constantly expressed through shouting, they learn about anger through shouting.

If emotions are dismissed, they learn to dismiss their own emotions.

If vulnerability is criticised, they learn to hide it.

But these patterns can change.

I'm sharing this because I want to be a voice for the children who cannot yet explain what is happening inside them.

I was one of them.

I wish more adults understood what children are actually trying to communicate.

TLDR: Emotions need to be loved, felt, accepted, embraced to be moved through.

I (48f) have a younger brother (46m) that has been stalking me for at least a year now. I USED to have an addiction to opiates but I’ve been clean and sober for a little over 4 years now. I’m not ashamed of being an addict. I know it was all my fault and I don’t blame anyone else. Today at work, I saw a person I used to get high with. He told me he was 1 year 8 months and 3 days sober. So I totally congratulated him and told him how long I had been sober. I didn’t care who heard. But anyways this past year my brother has taken to calling my job and the clinic I go to to maintain my sobriety quite often. He will call my job and or go up to my job and ask if I’m working that day. I know this because my manager has told me and she knows I go to the clinic because her wife goes there as well. We’ve seen each other there and talked about our addiction’s etc. My clinic has told me that he has called multiple times trying to get info from them but they’ve told him they can’t confirm or deny that I’m a patient there. It has caused quite a bit of anxiety in me and pissed me off to be honest. I’ve told him to just ask me if he has any questions but he just has to go behind my back. I’ve pretty much been low to no contact since I’ve learned this. I quest I’m just ranting. I don’t know what to do to discourage him from doing this as it’s quite embarrassing. I could understand if I was newly sober but it’s been over 4 years now. So idk what to do other than cut him out of my life. He tries to act like he is so perfect and I’m such a loser for my past. It truly breaks my heart but idk what to do. I’m sorry rant over

i’m 17 and my sister is 8 years younger than i am

my current situation is that i do multiple extracurriculars at school everyday and maintain straight a’s. i am dealing with ocd and depression. i come home very late every day and only have one day off where i’m not doing something which is sunday

i have to come home to her on her constantly screaming with her friends on the ipad and blasting youtube videos of other kids screaming nonstop. i have to come out of my room around 6 times a night, the only downtime i have to finish homework or calm down, to tell her to be more quiet. she never listens and as this continues i get more and more angry. it sounds dramatic but when you’re constantly working, being barraged by intrusive thoughts and controlled by compulsions 24/7, finally get time to lay down, and are forced to listen to high pitched screaming, it feels like psychological torture

she also leaves the bathroom that we share a mess and manages to get water everywhere + does a bunch of unhygienic stuff that i am obligated to clean. every day.
all i ask of her to do is have basic manners because our rooms are situated directly across from each other and she doesn’t live alone and she will loudly mock me or talk to me like i’m stupid for asking her to be more conscious of me

my dad always tells me that i’m being dramatic and a bad sibling and that i just have to deal with it. i’m so frustrated i could cry. he used to compare me to some girl who killed her sister out of anger whenever i complained to him about her behavior, and i never forgot that because of how much it hurt me

she has done a lot of stuff over the past few years that have made how i feel about her go from dislike to hatred. what i’ve described here is only a fraction of the bullshit she does (ex. constantly making me waste money on food by asking for it then leaving it untouched.) every time she talks to me i respond irritably and i barely have anything positive to say about her. i think about the future often and how i’m supposed to eventually reconcile with her. i don’t have a single good memory of her past the age of five, and she doesn’t like me as an older sibling which is obvious. i’m probably a shitty person for feeling genuine hatred towards a child i’m supposed to feel love towards, but i’m just tired. i’m so tired. sorry if this is weird to post, i don’t have people to talk to. if anyone has advice for anything related its welcome

tldr: i deal with mental health issues, high school extracurriculars, maintaining a’s at school, and a highly inconsiderate sibling daily. my feelings about her have devolved into hatred and i don’t know how i feel

So I spend the weekend almost every two weeks and every time I spend the weekend, my bag, clothes and hair stink. It’s because the room where I stay is poorly insulated and there’s mold. They don’t have money to keep up with house maintenance at all