u/That-Balance-7260

I’m 5 months postpartum, my period is due and I’m incredibly hormonal this week.

Yesterday me and my partner had the most stupidest argument he phoned me on his way home from work and I missed the calls as my phone was in the other room. He came home seemingly in a bad mood asking if dinner was on and I said no and then he went onto saying my phones broke and I said it wasn’t as I was receiving calls all day then he told me his calls weren’t going through to me so I told him to try it again and see and then the conversation fizzled out. We didn’t really speak after until we had to go out to pick my dog up from my dad’s. We were talking about the earlier incident and I accidentally interrupted him (I do this sometimes especially in arguments but I am always working hard not to- most likely adhd) he absolutely hates when I do this and screamed at me how no one needs to hear every word I have to say, it’s really rude etc I was getting fully berated. It’s not really an excuse but my partner does take big gaps so sometimes I genuinely think he’s done when he’s not. I felt so small and was holding back tears.

We came home I put teeth whitener on, set a timer then ran a bath then sat in bed and pumped milk after no more than 10 minutes my partner came in raging that the bath was overflowing into the overflow drain and he’s pulled the plug so I have to be quick to put the plug back in before all the water is gone. At this point I’m raging because it was a genuine mistake, I didn’t think it would have been so quick and why he couldn’t have drained it a little until I was finished pumping milk and I could drain it more when I was finished. Another argument broke out and I had to run another bath again, this time the water is freezing cold, I asked him if he turned the boiler off he said no I must have used up all the hot water (?), I then went to check and he really had turned the boiler off and now I am raging again because why lie to me and waste more water. He threw all my stuff that was on the bed: clothes etc on the floor and we both went to bed angry.

This morning he asks me if I’m still in a mood and I said I could say the same to him but I got blamed for why he was in a mood. I told him I really didn’t like him screaming at me in the car and how passive aggressive he was being and he was basically saying I deserved it because I interrupted him and do stupid stuff. This really triggered me because one of my biggest insecurities is being called stupid or feeling like I do stupid impulsive stuff all the time without meaning it.

I just felt so sad a low and worthless this morning I asked my partner how he would feel if me and the baby stayed at a hotel for the night. He ignored me, packed a bag and left for work then texted me he’s booked a hotel for himself. At this point I’m furious because he’s left me with a dog and baby to deal with both myself as per usual! When I brought this up he just assumed I would have taken the dog to the hotel with me?? Why would I do that when he is more than capable of looking after the dog. I also wouldn’t have gone to the hotel without speaking with him. I’m so furious he has the ability to just decide to leave for the night with no thought for anyone else. He gets a brilliant night sleep away from any responsibilities. About a month ago I questioned our compatibility because we have differing views which has changed over the years we’ve been together and he basically said if I question if I want to be with him or threaten to leave for the night he’s going to get a hotel instead. Fair enough he stuck to his word but I think he’s acting like a complete manchild? He’s a father now and has to communicate with me. He has acknowledged his short temper before and went to the doctors who gave him a form to fill out which he still hasn’t done.

I have went ahead and booked us into couples Councelling for next week so will see how that goes. At this point it’s either couples Councelling or I’m done.

I just feel so lonely! I know I haven’t been innocent in this and I am probably hard work but I never try to upset or annoy him and that always seems to be the case.

Any advice or thoughts are very welcome!

I know we are months away but it is fast approaching and I am starting to get nervous and struggling to figure out what to do.

To preface I lost my mom 2 years ago and my dad lives alone, he is elderly and not in good physical or mental health. He lives about 20 minutes away and my in-laws live 5 hours away.

Last year my cousins from another country moved near my dads house so decided we would have Christmas at my dads house, I was pregnant at the time so it made more sense, I invited my in-laws numerous times if they would like to come and spend Christmas with us (they have no issues travelling and do regularly) as we would not be going to theirs for Christmas. They refused and continually invited us up to their home for Christmas for months knowing we already had plans they were invited to! My husband got a phone call from his mom saying “when are you going to start prioritising your family” meaning my in-laws and we should have gone up to their home for Christmas.

Now this year nothing about Christmas has been brought up but now my daughter is born I know they’ll be wanting to spend it with her, which is fine with me BUT my dad is in poor health and it wouldn’t be easy to bring him on a 5 hour journey along with a 9 month old and dog. I wouldn’t mind having everyone over to my dads including my in-laws and my cousins but I don’t think my in-laws will want to do that. Another option is just spending the day with my husband and daughter but I don’t want to leave my dad as I don’t think he has many christmases left and my in-laws wouldn’t be happy if my dad got to be there for my daughters first Christmas and not them.

Sorry if this is all over the place but any advice would be much appreciated!

Is it possible to come back to work for 3 months (to get maternity pay) then take a career break?

When would this need to be discussed with manager? I know it’s up to business demands but I am curious how far in advance a career break would need to be considered.

Tw death/grieving

I am 4 and a half months postpartum and my husband has been working in another country mon-fri for the past 6 weeks now and back weekends.

I feel like I am drowning at times mostly because I have a high energy needy dog and a 4 month old baby, it doesn’t help I am struggling to keep the house tidy and then getting stressed with the mess and the lack of energy/time I have to clean and tidy. My baby needs me next to her to fall asleep so I find the minute she is asleep instead of doing housework I just don’t have the energy to do anything which leads to me feeling guilty.

I’ve felt since giving birth I’ve managed to handle being a mum really well and roll with the punches but having baby crying and dog crying and barking at the same time demanding things from me is just really getting to me as I feel awful for my dog who is, although, still getting out for walks they’re not as long as when I have my husband home and she’s not getting as much attention as before. I can’t even get a dog walker as my dog is anxious and will only walk with people she knows. When my friends have visited and offered to take her out I’ve accepted but it’s only a quick pee and poo.

I have a massive hole in my heart as I lost my mum to cancer just over a year ago, she was a massive support system to me and was my best friend. There wasn’t a day that went by we didn’t call to check in and not having her here and watching me being a mum is incredibly hard. I have no siblings and my dad is elderly and has alcohol induced dementia. I have aunties, uncles and cousins but I don’t feel like they have checked in as much as I would have expected giving the circumstances but I do know they would help if I ask them to but I really struggle to ask for help and truthfully I wouldn’t even know where to start.

My in-laws are very involved but I struggle a lot with that. They say they want to help but their version of helping is taking my baby which isn’t what I need.

I feel like a single parent at the minute, I’m exclusively pumping and do that once during the night and baby wakes for a feed (3x) a night which I have done all the night feeds since her birth. I don’t think I’ve had more than 4 straight hours sleep since before birth. My husband is amazing when he is home, he takes care of all the housework when he’s home and is a very hands on dad so I can’t complain there. I just feel like when it comes to my baby I’m with her 24/7 so struggle letting anyone else takeover. I just feel exhausted- physically and mentally.

I don’t really know why I am posting, I suppose I needed to get it off my chest.

I’m also due my period so everything feels 20x worse lol.

I have exclusively been using the Madela Swing Pump Maxi for 4 months now and finding over time it’s not working as well as it did and would like to try another pump potentially as a backup but most likely use as the primary and have a Madela as a backup. I’ve seen the blue Spectra S1 recommended but not sure how it would be going from a handsfree pump, but open to trying.

Ideally looking for a pump that gets the most milk, and is convenient to use.

Any advice is much appreciated!

Looking for recommendations, as I am trying to find a dog sitter for an anxious rescue dog. My dog can be nervous around new men so preferably a single woman with experience with dogs with a rough past. I’ve used Rover before but found it a struggle to find someone that fit my criteria.

I’m 3 months postpartum and I have been feeling really overwhelmed with my in-laws, my MIL is the type that thinks taking the baby is helping me (it’s not). I’ve mentioned to her before I want to be the one that deals with my crying baby, I told her this when I saw her go to pick my baby up when they were crying and she told me she would take my baby to let me finish my dinner whilst I was already holding my baby consoling them as I got to my baby before she did. It’s not inherently bad what she is doing but she seems to lack awareness that babies need their mums and I would much rather she asks to help with the baby rather than taking a proactive approach.

The most recent incident that has led me to needing to set clear boundaries: my husband, MIL, baby and I were out for coffee near my home. Baby was on/off crying and not settling, I believe they had gas and was in a lot of discomfort. Husband had put baby in pram to see if they’d settle, they didn’t and he said he would take her a walk see if she would settle, in my head I had decided I was just going to take her home, that would be the best option and before I could vocalise it MIL had already stood up and told husband she would take baby a walk in the pram. I quickly told her no I’m just going to take baby home and then I looked at her and she looked like she was holding back tears, I felt a bit bad in the moment so asked if she wanted to walk with with the baby and she said no she was going to the toilet, I could tell she went to cry. Of course my intentions was NEVER to upset her but I knew in the moment what was right for my baby. I left MIL and husband and when my husband came home later on he said she feels like we never accept her help.

I think it’s absolutely ridiculous she cried because I told her I was taking baby home and declined her demand of taking baby a walk. I feel like she only thinks of her wants and not the needs of the baby.

So basically I need advice on how to approach setting boundaries clearly and in a nice way that won’t offend an incredibly sensitive MIL.

Boundaries:
We will ask for help when we need it but happy for MIL to offer help but not state they are going to do something with baby without asking AKA I’d rather “would you like me to hold the baby while you eat” instead of “I’m going to hold the baby while you eat” (might seem minor but really gets my PP back up).

I want her to understand me and husband are new parents and are figuring things out and are happy doing things on our own without assistance but in future will want her help.

I am 3 months postpartum and I constantly debate with myself if I am being unreasonably annoyed or if I am justified.

To start for the past few years we’ve been cordial and gone on family holidays but I’ve never really felt fully accepted i.e MIL would ask FIL, BIL and my husband where they would want to eat for dinner but not me, I was always an afterthought- that’s fine. MIL always seemed overly involved and not afraid to say what she thought when it came to my husbands decisions and I didn’t like her overstepping but they’re a close family and that’s their dynamics. I never felt mil checked in on me when my mother passed away and during my pregnancy, at least not as much as I would have appreciated. But since my baby has been born she’s completely changed she’s always asking how I am, making dinners every time they visit (every other week), really making an effort with me. On one hand I really appreciate it but on the other hand I feel it’s a little bit too late and feels manipulative as if she’s now making an effort so she can see my baby and keep me sweet.

My BIL and I were really friendly going out for drinks a lot, then I became pregnant. I invited him to a concert with me and a couple of friends and he stood away from us on his phone and seemed he was in a mood, I asked if he was ok and he said yes, so I just assumed something had bothered him that he didn’t want to share. When the concert ended he stormed away and I was shouting on him and he was about to jump in a taxi and leave me without saying anything - we are neighbours!! My other friends lived in another city so had to leave for the train so I would have been stranded waiting for another taxi myself heavily pregnant. I shouted on him and he just ignored me, his taxi ended up cancelling on him so he came back to me and I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing and proceeded to not speak to me for 20 minutes in the taxi rank and another 20 minutes home - I came home to my husband in tears. I received a message the next day saying I ignored him even though I felt it was the other way around. I still felt he shouldn’t have stormed away from me and should know me well enough to know I would never ignore him. Anyway he apologised eventually for this but I have forgiven him but haven’t forgotten how he treated me that night. Since my baby has been born he’s constantly asking to meet up for coffees and all over my baby which coffee dates I’ve tolerated and somewhat enjoyed hanging out. But tonight he was talking to my baby about how she’s going to be having sleepovers at his house etc and I got my back up a bit because I feel like I’ve lost a lot of trust in him and he’s acting really fake around me.

I can appreciate my in-laws are genuinely caring people especially towards their family but we see them all the time and it feels really overwhelming to me. I lost my mother to cancer a year and a half ago and don’t have a lot of my own family so being around my in-laws and how close they all are really triggers a sadness and emphasises the loss I have which I know is unreasonable to take out on my in-laws. It’s just a weird feeling to me biological strangers are obsessed with my beautiful baby when I don’t fully trust them.

I want myself and baby to see them less than I already do but it’s really difficult when there’s an expectation to see her whenever they’re in town. I also hate that they just assume they are going to be massively, constantly involved and I have zero say! They’re already talking about all the holidays we’ll be going on and all the things they’ll do with my baby and it gets me so on edge!! I think it’s because I am not the one having any say :( My husband wants to see them a lot and doesn’t share the same feelings.

They’ll just be staring at us both when I’m holding my baby and it just irritates me so much like I get you want to look at the baby but it feels so intrusive and I feel awkward around them. And when they hold her I get to angry and annoyed which I hate feeling.

Any advice would be helpful.