Am I a monster? I genuinely can’t tell for sure. It feels so gray.
But I think I’m addicted to living a double life. I have a family. Reasonably successful. White collar. Generally happy. But there’s a shadow self that is a slut for serving and pleasing others.
My partner isn’t into anything above PG-13. She doesn’t enjoy getting oral. She doesn’t like her boobs played with. She rarely likes anything physical at all, and when she does, it’s nothing but 10minutes of missionary. After that, she’s done for another month or two.
Over the years I’ve met a few women, generally around my age. One single and just too busy with her career to entertain men, the others married and neglected.
I don’t want anything from them, I just crave making them squirm and blush. I enjoy letting them use my face, tongue, or whatever else they like, for their own pleasure and enjoyment. Most of the time, I don’t even get to cum, they just clean up and get dressed after they are done.
And I love it.
Part of me feels like it’s not as bad as “normal” cheating, because in a way… it feels like it isn’t fully for me, it’s sort of… just being helpful.
Am I a monster?
EDIT: ok the consensus is yes I’m a monster. Next question then what have others done in similar situations, where they are physical intimacy level 10, kink level 7, with a partner that is lvl 0/1?
So many people are assuming and not seeing my comments, so:
- yes ive talked to her about my needs/desires. Many time over the years. She gives no fucks about this side of me.
- yes we’ve tried counseling. She has no desire to do anything that may raise her libido, as she is content with it.
- no it was not always like this. Before we got married, we were like rabbits. I thought we were on the same page / the same level, physically. Only found out after pregnancy #2 that was only temporary novelty, and long term she has no interest or desire in a high frequency or high novelty physical love life.