r/whatdoIdo

I randomly checked an old friend/crush’s TikTok today and saw she has a boyfriend now. It hit me way harder than I expected. We knew each other back in elementary/middle school, and I never told her I liked her back then.

Now I keep thinking about all the “what ifs.” I know people change a lot over time, and realistically things probably wouldn’t have played out exactly how I imagine, but it still made me regret staying quiet.

Anybody else ever realize their feelings way too late?

My son is 12 and he is autistic (level 2). He’s semi-verbal, and we’ve tried to use an AAC or ASL, but he doesn’t show much interest in it. Which is fine with me, he uses communication cards and seems pretty happy with that, and thats all that really matters to us. He’s in the special education classes at his school and the teacher seemed good if not somewhat overworked.

When we first put him in school, they did cognitive tests, and they went over some stuff with us and explained he had a low IQ, they went over the areas he struggled in the most, etc. He’s also in some therapies (speech and occupational) and they said the same thing. Cool, he’s a great kid, it’s good to know his limits and how we can help him.

He can read and write, me and my wife read to him a lot when he was younger and worked hard to teach him. Teacher says he’s reading at a 2nd grade level, all his previous teachers have said he’s similarly placed. We get him books for around that level, we don’t usually see him read them but whatever, not all kids like to read anyways, no big deal.

So he’s really likes to write in notebooks, we give him a lot, he’s filled up maybe 30? Me and my wife never go through them because he’s a preteen he deserves some privacy, even if he’s different I think that should still be given to him. And if he wants to show us something, he will, usually tearing out a page and handing it to us. Typically those are asking for things: food, something on the tv, et; something thats not on a communication card that he doesn’t feel capable of verbalizing.

Well, a few weeks ago, he gives us a note asking for “demons”. And me and my wife looked at each other pretty confused. Uh what?? So we tell him we don’t understand what he means. He gets a little distressed, but then he walks into his room and we follow, and he goes under his bed and grabs a book. It’s a library book, from the school, for a book called “Humiliated and Insulted” and so now me and my wife are VERY confused and honestly concerned. He opens the book and flips to the back and there’s a little ad for a book by the same author.

We are relieved like ok cool, he’s reading books and liking them, thats great. We wanted to check obviously if it was appropriate for a preteen (given the titles we were sort of concerned), so we looked them up. And we see it’s by the same author that wrote Crime and Punishment (which i had to read in junior year of high school), and that they seem to be really difficult books to read. And from what I remembered about Crime and Punishment, it was insanely confusing.

So we are thinking alright he probably isn’t really understanding it, but we want to cultivate this and get him things he wants, so of course we’ll get him the other book he wants. But then we are like wait where did he get this book? He says the library at school, and he points under his bed, where there are about 20 other library books. Which there are definitely limits on so we realize he stole them.

Not great. We tell him thats not allowed, and he needs to ask for them, etc. and it’s not usually like him to steal things so we are a little worried. But he tells us his teacher won’t let him check any books out. We flip through the other books and see he has annotated them. And we realize he understand them, that he’s not just idk flipping through the pages but he is underlining stuff about figurative language and tone and pacing. Which is definitely above a 2nd grade level. Me and my wife are totally shocked, we had no idea he was capable of this.

So we went into rhe school, had a meeting with his teacher. And she says that he isn’t allowed to check out books that ‘aren’t on his reading level’, and when we explain that we think he might be ahead of where they placed him, she says thats not possible. Not possible?? Really?

Things escalate, we have this whole meeting with people from the county. And it is explained to us that he’s low IQ, thats impossible for him to be doing these things, that it’s just wishful thinking. They pull up the transcript from his reading test. Transcript, because the fucking tests were done verbally. They had him read passages and they verbally asked questions that he was supposed to verbally respond to. Yeah no shit he didn’t do well he doesnt talk much. Me and my wife are very mad it was done this way when it’s clearly documented he has issues with verbal communication. How hard would it be to have a written test??

They tell us that it’s the county standard to do the tests like this and there’s nothing they can do. WTF? My wife asks if his IQ test was done the same way; they pull up rhe documentation and turns out most of it (besides a part where he moved around blocks) was verbal. They say verbal intelligence is a large component of IQ, and it’s fine he had to verbally say the answer option because “he can talk”.

Me and my wife barely keep it together because holy shit this whole time theres been some serious mismanagement. We’ve been told for years that his IQ is low, he’s cognitively impaired, that he won’t be past a kindergarten level. And we believed it, which is defiantly a big part our fault. It’s just that typically he has no interested in reading or doing anything like that around us, and we didn’t want to force him, he should be able to have some choice on what he does. But clearly we just totally missed some things, we feel awful.

We had a private IQ test done, and they were totally cool with nothing being done verbally, that they handle things like this all the time. His score was 121; his reading score was in the 99th percentile. I just feel so horrible, we failed him, he had this in him the whole time and we missed it. We were giving him 2nd grade books and he was bored out of his mind reading them, not uninterested like we thought. This whole situation has gone on long enough that school is out and the school is refusing to accept the new cognitive tests until his next IEP evaluation (next year).

I’ve been talking to his therapists but they didn’t know either. My wife and I are seriously considering switching his school (we can afford private school). We’ve been getting him all the books he asks for, trying to see what he likes. He likes a lot of russian literature and it’s just so crazy we had no idea. We’ve been taking him to barnes and noble, letting him get whatever books he wants. He doesn’t like to talk with us about it, or even be seen reading. We arent sure if that’s because maybe he thought he had to hide this or if he just wants to keep it personal. We just want what’s best for him, but obviously we fucked up badly.

Any advice? On any front, really. Is private school the move here? And how can we possibly make up for missing all this? And, hell, even some book recommendations.

hi guys, I recently slept with my boyfriend and he is quite big.

Now I’ve had sex before and it was pleasurable, however with him it was a lot of pain initially, and once the pain passed, I felt a lot of pressure when he was thrusting. We tried switching positions but the pressure never eased and it felt like my lower half would burst. And by pressure I don’t mean mentally, just so much pressure inside my vagina. I felt too full, I’ve felt the right full which was enjoyable in the past, but this time it was more about wishing when it would end and I would stop feeling it.

And Im usually active in sex, but this time I was just either lying there or sitting because I was feeling so full I was barely able to move.
And after a point I felt so tired; he wasn’t able to come because I wanted him to stop.

Im not sure how I can make this better for both of us, and would appreciate any and all sorts of tips to ease the fullness and becoming more active/ mobile during sex.

Thanks!!!!

Hello all. Trying to assuage my guilt here. I 49m have been letting my son and his girlfriend live with me for about 2 years. The girlfriend 32f hasn’t worked but about 2 weeks in that 2 years. She doesn’t help around the house , no cooking, cleaning or assisting with any chores. She also refuses to go to Therapy. She is destitute and I am not sure where she’ll go so I feel horrible thinking about doing this. I am not sure if my son will go to but if it lowers the stress and drama in the house I can Live with it. Should I boot her! Give her notice? Or just keep my mouth shut? Thanks for your time.

This is a genuine post… I use Hinge occasionally and just decided to check it recently… one of my family members liked my profile and I can’t tell if they were trying to be funny or …

There was no message attached to the like, it was literally just a like on one of my photos 😭

Edit: For everyone saying “you can accidentally swipe,” you have to manually click on a picture and send a like. It’s not a swipe left/right situation

Hii, I have never had a therapist before (longer then like 3 sessions). I decided to see a male therapist as I am trying to get over my discomfort around them. I haven’t gone through assault or anything just to clarify but have avoided men my whole life due to being that scared. I told him about that during my first session.

But my last session with him we where having a conversation, when I said about my sibling hating that I was born and I said I think it may be because of my sibling wanting all attention from family. He said “Is that the only reason you can think?” I said yea and he paused. The only thing that really makes me feel off is during the pause I felt the same kind of discomfort from men that I usually feel but haven’t with him until now. I remember thinking surely he’s not about to say what I think he is. (He did)

He said “I can think of a reason” “I think because your conventionally attractive” when I said that I wish it was any other reason because u cant change your looks he said “Yea we can’t help winning the genetic lottery.” And I feel like he didn’t really validate what I said.

I could be completely wrong in reading this weird, I don’t think he meant it in a weird way but now I am overthinking. Also my mom made a joke when I brought up my session and she said “Did he ask if you’re single?” And now it feels even weirder. I finally feel like I’ve found a place that I can be myself in so I feel like I need reassurance that I am overthinking.

So my son is 16 and I've done my best as a pretty conservative dad to be supportive of his... alternative life choices. He came out to my wife and I as gay a year and a half ago ish, also that he is a furry. Now I don't believe in ostracizing or judement on stuff like this, despite my worldviews, we made sure he knew we loved him, we aren't gonna treat him differently or anything like that.

My concern now though is he's been talking to this person online, someone who lives in Bulgaria and claims to be of same age. They're throwing around the lovey dovey talk in text, which I guess isn't a big deal but what set off alarms for me was this person claimed to have gone onto grindr looking for... that stuff. He ended up being SA'd by a 35 year old male he met that way and has been telling my son all about it. Now my son wants to go to Bulgaria to 'see his friend' and I'm kinda at a loss. Im not even sure this person is real, could easily be a predator or something. I dont want to restrict my son's ability to communicate but its genuinely affecting his mental health. He's constantly stopping what he's doing to message this person back, like obsessively so, and clearly stressed about the content of conversation.

He tells me hes trying to convince this person not to make more bad choices but I think he's being manipulated.

How do I reach my son without destroying our trust and confidence?

Im 15 and i live with my dad, he has been dating this woman for roughly 3 years we will call her B i dont like B my little sister doesnt like B nobody likes B exept for my dad. Shes constantly rude to me and very obviously doesn't like me either, making sarcastic remarks about me, my behavior, my hobbies, and much more.

I have lived most of my life without a female parental figure and i have never gotten along well with someone who has tried to be one, my grandmother came to live with my sister and i when i was 8 and my sister was 4, my dad was gone for work for weeks at a time as he is a contractor. That has never really bothered me and i have been just fine up till now. Without much warning we moved roughly 2 hours from my home where we had been living for the last 6 ish years. This would not have been an issue if my dad had not decided it was the perfect time to move me in with his girlfriend who i do not like. Not even to mention her stupid dog is moving in, i hate dogs, they all know this and she is likely going to attempt to shove dog related chores on me.

EVERYTHING in that house is hers, the dishware, the couch, the table, and all the furniture. My sister and i were both given a bowl, a cup and a set of plastic silverware from walmart to use, she gives me a dirty look anytime i use her tv to watch shows or i sit on her couch (both are in the living-room btw, anything i do is "done wrong" she accuses me of things i did not do, i have told my dad multiple times that she is rude to me and he does not gaf

I hate her, i hate living in "her house" (my dad pays for half the rent and all of the food) i hate it here what do i do

(Mom is not available due to her death and i have no other family on this side of the country)

i wanna be quick im kinda scared.

i have been friends with my girlfriend since we were 3 and started dating at 13 (starting hs) we are now 19.

she has been struggling lately and she wanted to spend so much time with me this year. we went on holiday and travelled to 3 different countries. she begged me to watch the sunset at the beach and do crazy things we didnt want to do. she always says we dont have much time left i always asked her what she meant and never really answered seriously.

she reposted on tiktok about not making it out her teens and i asked her about it. she just 'joked' and said she will die a teenager. do i take this seriously?

she barely sleeps bc she says she needs to get the most out of this year, and now im adding things she went all out last christmas. she hasnt really openly said anything though

I (20f) have applied everywhere. No one will hire me.. I don't know what to do.. my mom said she's gonna kick me out on the streets if I don't find a job in a week.. I'm really scared and upset.. she thinks I'm not trying when I fucking am.. she calls me lazy and stupid because no one will hire me.. I need help.. I can't go to family or friends.. I'm completely alone and I'm going to be homeless soon.. I help around the house, I watch my little sister ALL DAY EVERYDAY for free.. I just.. I'm tired of it all and just want to go..

My fiancé (20F) and I (22M) have been together since I was sixteen and she was fourteen. We bought a house together, I put her through online school because she had bad anxiety through HS and was teaching her everything she knows. I have had her my whole adult life and her whole adult life she has had me. Her parents are crazy abusive and alcoholics and recently we took her dad in because he has practically drank himself to death and everything has changed. My main parent has always struggled with alcoholism and drug addiction. For the past 3 years or so we fight just as much as we love and I’m kind of a dick. She always tells me how much she wants me to just hug her and give her kisses without being asked and just pay attention to the little things and I don’t do it. I’m the only one that works and she takes care of my house and the dogs so after I get home from pipelining I am mentally and physically exhausted and just don’t pay much attention. She also struggles with anger issues and when we fight she threatens me with leaving and just try’s to hurt my feelings instead of get to a resolution. Last night on the 4th of July I got too drunk and we got into a fight and she screamed at me that she’s been done for years and she refuses to tell me she loves me. In the two sentences I’ve got out of her today she has told me her grandmother is buying her a car to get to and from a new job she found today and that she won’t be a burden to me anymore. I just want to be happy with her and I try so hard to support her but she is just so angry and all she does is smoke weed and pick fights with me while I bust my ass to provide. I would start all over if I could because she is everything that I have ever imagined when I think of my future. She’s been physically abusive to my twin and I and to other people in the past couple years and last night she made up false accusations saying I tried to rape her which I would never do because it happened to me as a child by my step mom and I’d never put that pain on anyone. I just want to be happy with her so much. I love her so much. It’s almost been 6 years and I don’t want to lose her ever. But it feels necessary now. What the fuck do I do

Hey, I need help I don’t know what to do. So last night I was opening up to my boyfriend (something that’s always been hard for me) and I told him stuff that was bothering me while overthinking. At first it was going great he listened we talked and then I brought up how I don’t like the fact that he went into the freezer (we work at a restaurant) with another coworker (female) and stayed there for a couple minutes then came out laughing like they were hiding something he then laughed and I kinda just sat there trying not to cry and while he was rambling about how that was funny and everything I was like “I don’t understand why you are laughing cause it really did make me uncomfortable” he then went silent and started to apologize multiple times I just stayed quiet not know what to say or do because I felt hurt and betrayed at that I guess. Btw he knows I have a hard time opening up because of my past when I would use to open up around people and they would just laugh it off and/or ignore me. This all happened last night and I just don’t know what to do

Lately my cats have started pulling my clothes into there litter boxes to the point where the clothes are so disgusting that I just throw them away. I've tried cleaning they're litter boxes more often and scrubbing them clean with hot water, but nothing seems to work, has anyone else had this problem and how did you deal with it?

Background: My two roommates and I have lived together since graduating college in 2024, and honestly it’s been great. We’ve had very little drama or conflict. The original plan was for all of us to finish out this year in our house, then my two roommates would move out at the end of the year to take the next step with their partners. I already have another roommate lined up to move in this January. We also have a very lenient landlord, so we’re not locked into strict lease terms.

A couple of months ago, one of my roommates unexpectedly got pregnant by her boyfriend of about a month, who was also her coworker. I truly don’t mean this in a judgmental way, but she’s still figuring out a lot about adult life, so this understandably worried a lot of her friends and family. Around the same time, my other roommate decided she’ll be moving out ASAP to live with family, partly because of this situation and partly to save money.
Since then, my pregnant roommate’s boyfriend has essentially moved into our house without actually moving in. He’s here constantly, uses our fridge and laundry, is sometimes here even when she isn’t, and his dog (who I admittedly am not a fan of) is here just as often. None of this was ever really communicated to me—it just gradually became the new normal. I was planning to have a conversation with her about maybe splitting time between our house and his apartment (which he has all to himself), because right now our place has become their default hangout spot. They’re honestly in the common areas more than they are in her bedroom.

For context, we’ve basically been three single girls living together until now, so this is the first time we’ve had a relationship dynamic affecting the household.
Here’s where it gets more complicated.

Before I had a chance to bring up how overwhelmed I was starting to feel, she asked if I’d be willing to let him officially move in. The conversation ended pretty quickly with, “You don’t have to answer now—just think about it.”
I was honestly shocked she even asked. I cannot imagine asking my roommate if my boyfriend of two months could move into our shared home when he already has his own apartment. From my perspective, it feels like he’d essentially be getting a huge rent discount at my expense.
Then, just a couple of days later, I found out he was fired from his job.

They’re out of town this week, so I’ve had some time to think about it. I have a feeling the conversation is going to come back with a lot of “please help us out.” I genuinely want to support my friend—she’s going through a lot—but I’m also someone who has a history of letting people walk all over me, and I’m trying to figure out whether this is one of those times where I need to stand my ground.
My gut is telling me no. I honestly think having him officially move in would make me dread coming home. But I’m also worried that if I say no, she’ll decide to move in with him instead, and I’ll suddenly be responsible for the entire rent until January, which would put me in a really difficult financial situation.

Another concern is that once he’s an official roommate, he’d become an equal in the household. Right now he’s still technically a guest, and I at least have some say in that dynamic.

Would it be unreasonable to agree only if he paid a disproportionately larger share of the rent? Part of me feels guilty even thinking that, but another part of me thinks that if my quality of life is taking a hit because another person is moving in, it’s not unreasonable that he contribute more than an even split.

Another layer to this: she previously asked if I would be willing to move out once the baby arrives so she and her boyfriend could have the apartment. I shut that down immediately. We honestly hit the housing lottery with this place—great location, affordable rent, and great amenities—and my plan has always been to stay here until I either leave my current job or get married. I do worry that if I let him move in now, it could eventually become a situation where I’m the one being pushed out.

Finally, I’m worried saying no will hurt our friendship. I think she already felt I wasn’t being very compassionate when I told her I didn’t want to move out for the baby.

I really do want to approach this with kindness. I care about her, I know she’s under an incredible amount of stress, and I want to support her however I can. But how do I balance being a good friend with protecting my own home and boundaries? Am I being unreasonable for not wanting someone I’ve only known for two months to move into my house?

TW: harassment (also, sorry for bad English)

I don't know if this is allowed on here but I cannot ask anybody else. I'm 15M and my uncle (in his 60s) acts really creepy towards me. Recently he asked about my se× life, not if I had a girlfriend yet, he asked if I had done anything yet, then went on to explain it in GRAPHIC detail. He goes on and on about that kind of stuff and makes innuendo when we are talking. When I was 11 or 12 he saw me once morning and said "you're pretty curvy for a little boy" and ever since then I've overanalyzed myself. Once time while I was at a clothing store with my family (I believe I was 11yo) as I was walking to the dressing room he said "you'll have to go in there alone because unfortunately I can't be in there with you yet." He randomly texts me and tells me to talk about myself and send pictures of myself (not telling me to do anything inappropriate). My whole family loves him because they think he's super kind but he's done other things that everybody just ignores, which I won't say out of the privacy of those people. He tells me I'd look better if I was more feminine, constantly rubs my shoulders and hugs me from behind. He just makes me so uncomfortable but I have nobody to tell because they all love him and my family doesn't know how to keep private information to themselves. I don't know what to do because I don't want to see him again but sometimes I have no choice. I don't know what to do because I care about my aunt and my cousins, but he makes it so uncomfortable for me to be around. I'm trying to convince myself I'm just overreacting so I don't have to confront this, but this ist very uncomfortable. I've never told anybody about this face to face because it feels embarrassing.

So I work in a hotel and our front desk is open 24/7. My shift is 3-11 there is someone who comes in after me and is here from 11pm-7am we get along fine we aren't besties but we talk a lot about books we are reading and have funny moments between us. The morning person and I have issues we don't like each other point blank we talk when needed but we don't joke with each other it is very professional between us. Sorry Im babbling I know but just so you guys get the whole story. There is a commision based car service we use on a google doc. Its on the car services name but we can't see whom at the front desk is making changes. But you can see time stamps

Today he sends a email to my self, the Gm, and the AGM stating that I changed the name on the google form to my name and I'm stealing money and he already reached out to HR.

Now I got screen shots proving what time these changes were made. I have sent out an email to the Am shift, My gm, my Agm and To him proving this fact that they were changed at 6:20 AM. Im not even here at that time.

My other coworker says I should reach out to the overnight person to be like WTF, but should I leave it for the managers to deal with?

Edit- I have also reached out to Hr about the Am agent constant harassment this isn't the first thime he accused me of this and making the work a hostile work place