r/roommateproblems

Real simple. My son is off to college tomorrow. We will be helping him move of course and getting things settled. At least the big things. Which we don't really need to be there for because the football team is helping the freshman move in the heavy things but still want to be part of the experience anyway. I planned on making sure everything is in the dorm room then letting him do the rest. Let him put things where he wants and how he wants them. My spouse thinks otherwise. She wants to help him unpack and put things where he wants everything. I told her that we should let him do it himself. She told me to just stay home if I do not want to help. Of course i do not want to stay home but I also do not want to embarrass him. What do you think?

I live in a house with 3 other girls and we all have our own rooms. I casually asked yesterday what their opinion on letting my boyfriend sleepover occasionally and they all said they had pretty strict rules on no guys sleeping over. That was pretty much the end of it because I was heading out and kind of just shocked a little lol. My boyfriend and I have known each other about 2 years now and been together for a little over 1. Before I moved away for college we spent probably like 6 days a week together because I lived close to his work. He now lives like 2 hours away which isn’t bad but if we are out late or something I don’t want him to have to drive all the way home.

I do understand how my roommates feel especially because we don’t have locks on our bedroom doors, and I get uncomfortable when people I don’t know come over, but coming from the side of someone in a relationship I would be ok if their boyfriend slept over on occasion as long as I had like met him and had a heads up. Right now we are like the only people our friends know with a house so we are constantly hosting and are just the hang out spot. My roommate hosted a giant house warming and my other roommate has band practice in the living room once a week. So I kind of feel like what’s the big deal if my boyfriend sleeps over once a month.

He really wouldn’t be staying the night that often at all because I’m just really busy. I work 30 hours a week and take 18 credit hours and I’m pre med so work and school consume my whole life lol. I really want my boyfriend to come to the church service that our church group does but it’s on Tuesday nights so I don’t want to make him drive home after.

Edit: now that I think about it I did have a conversation with one of the girls a few months ago before the lease was signed and she said as long as she had met him it would be ok with it. One girl also had her friend stay the night last night and didn’t tell me I just walked out and saw her with her pillow and in her pajamas. So at least I plan on telling them lol.

Also people keep mentioning that he will eventually be there every single day and he physically can not. He works 2 hours away at 5 am 5-6 days a week so unless he doesn’t want to pay his own rent and bills he can only be here 1 night anyway.

I (19F) moved in with a couple called S(25F) and J (25M) about 6 weeks ago. Two key facts are that they have a German Shepherd who is 8yrs old, and I have a young service dog in training who is under a year old. My dog is medically required and approved by Australian government standards. The housemates were aware of this before I moved in, and we had had good discussions about the dogs and boundaries.

ANYWAYS over the past few weeks S in particular has become more and more passive aggressive and nitpicky. In person is the classic silent treatment, despite being super friendly at other times. Over text though, is just message after message of complaints, about dog poop not being cleaned immediately (I pick up twice a day in the yard AND they only clean after their dog every two weeks), not vaccuming enough ( I do every day in my spaces, once a week in shared, and spot clean in common areas as needed), and a dog smell (their dog stinks?? And I have plenty of diffuser and air freshners) and after one week of me being there, they banned my dog from common areas, despite her being a service dog and their dog having free reign? And with every message comes the threat of if the problem continues, I'll be asked to leave. Given the cost of living and difficulty finding places to rent, that would mean facing homelessness. I don't need any sort of threat to change my behaviour, just a heads up works?

I feel I've been very tidy and pretty clean and respectful of their space. However, I am 19, new to moving out, and there are definitely things that I am learning (eg wash the mop). The other part of it is that I'm a very tolerant and easy going person, they leave mess everywhere, dishes out and unclean, fill the trash to the max to avoid taking it out etc. Theres a moldy jar full of water thats been sitting by the sink the past few days, which i dont understand, but i dont care enough to comment on. And it doesn't really bother me.

HOWEVER the boundaries which I've tried to set is about the marijuana growing in the yard, and their smoking habits. Neither of which they mentioned before I moved in. And so I've asked them not to smoke in shared spaces, and to move the pot to a space away from my dog or where my younger siblings could get at it. And after 5 weeks of gentle hints, they actually did make some changes.

As far as problematic or annoying issues, I feel like mine aren't that bad? Isn't there a degree of housemates that equals suck-it-up you live with other people? They bought the place about a year ago, and have had a few housemates since then, none of which lasted longer than 4 months, as S had reasons for asking each of them to leave, and for situations which I found semi-reasonable. However they're really keen to have someone paying rent, but still act like they are doing me a huge favour by letting me stay? As if I'm not doing my fair share?

Look, maybe there's things I'm missing, but your call, AITA?

TL;DR need advice on how to force my roommate to take on his share of the chores even though I’ve had multiple conversations about this with him

I (M22) live in a western global city with my (M24) roommate who is also my friend of 7 years. I want to preface this by saying moving out is extremely difficult in my city because the market is absolutely saturated. I live in a city with 2+ million inhabitants and rent is very expensive. We live in a 2 bedroom 57 sq meters apartment. I desperately need advice on how to handle the situation.

So everything went well when me and my roommate moved in together 2.5 years ago. For the first couple months everything was fine, we would split chores and cleaning duties, we would hang out together in the apartment a lot, we have been very good friends for a long time and I would even consider him to be my best friend back then. That is until he slowly started to clean less and less and everything was up to me to figure out.

For about 2-3 months, I started noticing that I was the only one consistently staying on top of cleaning. Back then he was the only one to have a cat, and I was almost always the one cleaning his cat’s litter. At first I got annoyed but after 2 days of noticing it was still dirty I felt bad for the cat and scooped the litter, and little by little I ended up being the only one to do it.

At that point, I sent him a message in October 2025 telling him I wasn’t his maid, that he couldn’t leave all the cleaning up to me, that it wasn’t fair, and I sent him a timetable detailing chores for the week that we would both had to follow. He apologized and told me he would fix it.

And everything went back to normal. We’d split cleaning duties and I thanked him for keeping his promise. But then, he slowly stopped doing his share of the work, again. I’d say it lasted from December 2025 to March 2026. 3 months of ALL the workload falling on my shoulders again. I was beginning to be more and more pissed. I would tell him to clean certain areas and he’d be visibly annoyed.

One day, I got home after work and he was in the kitchen (a very annoying habit he had, he would always be in the kitchen/bathroom when I got home from work even though he knew I was getting home soon which pissed me off since those are the rooms you want to be using when you get home from work). Since I couldn’t go and cook my dinner, I started to sweep the living room. He snapped at me and told me that he was overwhelmed with the noise, and to do it later when he wasn’t in the kitchen anymore. I was pissed, I let out a big sigh and left.

After this event, I stopped talking to him altogether for about a month. I ignored him entirely. I’d spend all my time in my bedroom. I wouldn’t go into the common areas if I heard him roaming. And he did the same. I think he felt bad but still no word from him. I started to feel guilty because his birthday was coming up, and he was my friend after all. He hadn’t planned anything for his birthday this year which was very unusual because he usually always celebrates with a few of our friends (we usually go to dinner or something). I felt super guilty because I knew I was lowkey the reason why he wasn’t planning any kind of celebration.

So I wrote him a big letter a few days before his birthday detailing how we needed to communicate more as roommates and that we needed some kind of organization. I told him we had to send each other our work schedules so as to not be in each other’s way in the common areas (especially kitchen/bathroom) when the other comes home from work. I told him I needed him to be involved in the chores, and that it had to be split equally. I told him if I could do anything to make his life easier, to please let me know. I also complained about some behaviors he had towards that I absolutely didn’t appreciate, but it’s irrelevant to the shared living situation.

He came to me a few days later and told me he read the letter and agreed with what I said. He apologized again, and we went out for his birthday and had lots of fun. The situation improved once again, but I was a lot more vigilant this time around.

But like clock work, he slowly started to clean less and less and less. I would come home to dozens of dishes in the sink, and the next 4 days I’d find those same dishes still sitting in the sink, plus a few extra ones. I got a cat in the mean time, and it’s like he took it as a sign to stop cleaning the litter altogether.

I was going insane because I had to spend multiple hours a week cleaning the apartment because of him. He started to leave dirty stuff around the apartment, everything was always a mess, his cat would pee on the rugs/curtains and he didn’t even seem to notice it, I was ALWAYS the one cleaning up his cat’s pee. I’d find moldy food in the fridge, which is rich coming from him because he is a germaphobe (yes……. I know how this sounds) and has a visceral aversion to mold. I constantly had to clean up after him.

After 2 months, I imposed him a HUGE summer, cleaning session, this past June. We spent at least 10 hours cleaning the apartment from floor to ceiling. Every crevasse, every little corner. I was SO relieved after all that. I finally felt like I was in a CLEAN apartment.

But you guessed it……. he hasn’t cleaned even once since our big deep clean, 2 months ago. I’m going insane. I keep telling him to do certain tasks and he doesn’t even do them (whereas before he would do them, even though I had to tell him before).

One of our mutual friends invited us to her parents’ house in the countryside last week, he wasn’t supposed to come at first which I was very excited for because I’ve about had it with him, I can barely stand to be in his presence for longer than 2 hours. But of COURSE, he tagged along. I cleaned the whole apartment 2 days before we left. He got annoyed when I told him to take out the trash the morning of our departure.

I just reached my breaking point yesterday when I came home from work. I walked in and all the lights were on, I could tell he was cleaning ! I was close to doing backflips. I went to take a shower, and when I came out of the bathroom, he was in his room, all lights off. He didn’t clean the apartment. He only cleaned his room. I was absolutely flabbergasted y’all. I honestly didn’t think he could be anymore disrespectful.

I have decided that I need to have a final conversation with him, face to face. All the previous times I did it in writing, because I know he is more comfortable with that. But I am no longer willing to accommodate him. He has been treating me like absolute shit for the past 1.5 year and mind you, he hasn’t even said thank you once.

On top of that, I will say that I am the only one buying daily necessities for us both like toilet paper, cat litter, hand soap. He hasn’t bought those in months. When I last told him to pickup some toilet paper (a few weeks ago), he told me he didn’t have any money. I have no doubt that he was telling the truth but keep in mind that he earns significantly more than me. I earn minimum wage and he has a manager position at his job. We are both in the food/service industry.

Wanna know what’s ironic ? He is the manager in charge of the health and hygiene department at his job. What a fucking joke.

My coworker has told me that I need to tell him that either he sticks to cleaning, or I’ll have to deduct all the time I spend cleaning for us both from our rent. Do you guys think this kind of ultimatum is a good idea ?

Anyway, I’m just so exhausted. Please tell me what you would do if you were me. I am just so so so desperate.

So yeah. I moved in with a friend after college—we graduated the same year, met through a shared major, and she proposed sharing an apartment after graduation.

We moved in about 2.5 months ago to an apartment that I can confidently say I found and pursued for the both of us. I coordinated the moving and the storage and drove the U-Haul to move everything in. I’ve been doing the cleaning every week too. She would cook us both dinner occasionally, and I usually did the dishes.

Anyway, the responsibility of everything quickly began to feel one sided and then stayed that way.

I supported her when she decided her internship was asking too much and paying too little and planned to pursue other opportunities instead. I drove her to her job interview and then to work when she got the job. I offered my support when they abruptly laid her off a couple weeks in with no good reason.

After she lost her new job, I offered support again. I was fully willing to help her find something else, problem solve, figure things out. She went to the beach with her boyfriend for a week. A few days ago she texted to say she didn’t think she could afford rent and that we should talk about it to come to an ‘amicable solution’. Then, yesterday, she texted me saying she had decided to move back home. Looking at her location, I could see she had already made the trip, leaving me and all of her things at the apartment we co-signed for.

So what do I do now?

I have half a mind to say ‘well fuck you too’ and block her and be done with it. But now I’m stuck with no roommate and I definitely cannot afford both our shares of the rent. Her message suggested that I~ should be the one filling her place in the lease, but she’d be oh so kind as to help if I really need it. And we~ can talk to the landlord, because apparently that’s not just her responsibility as the one dipping out.

I don’t know, I’m probably presenting this really one sidedly because I’m upset. She has her reasons. Losing that job after quitting her internship left her in a difficult financial position. But I guess instead of dealing with that, she’s passing the burden on to me.

Honestly, I didn’t realize this is something anyone would actually do. It’s not like she’s incapable of getting a new job. She’s quite skilled and hardworking. It just feels like a really shitty thing to do, especially when we’re supposedly friends. And she’s the one who proposed living together. And we both signed the lease. Like that’s a legally binding document right? How is she just going to up and leave like this?

I’m just really frustrated and feel very betrayed right now. I’d appreciate any advice.

Long story short, I got in a fight with my roommate over her stealing my stuff, and when the cops came they decided that I was the aggressor.

I was given a no contact order, so I saw the apartment for about an hour after I got out of jail when I was escorted by the police to grab my things. It was then that I realized that my PS5 in both of my computers were missing among other things. Today I went back for an hour or so under the judge's conditions, and almost everything that I had in the living room or kitchen is missing.

The roommate is adamant that we don't go into her master bedroom, because I'm sure that's where she's keeping all the things that she stole from me. I'm just wondering if there's a way that I can report this to the police and they could get a search warrant and take a look in her room for the things that I am missing. It seems absurd to me that she should just get away with this. I know I want to take her to civil court, but I haven't decided if I should do small claims court or a case with a lawyer.

I'm in Minnesota. What do you guys think I should do? Should I try to report this to the police or the sheriff? Are there any good lawyers you know?

To condense this for length purposes, my roommate’s boyfriend tickles her constantly and it’s really uncomfortable. I am talking constantly, every day. On the couch, in the kitchen, the dining room, her room, doesn’t matter. At first I thought it was just a weird relationship thing but it has gotten to the point that they are keeping me and our other roommate up at night because he’s tickling her on the couch and she’s laughing hysterically on and off for hours. I’ve looked it up and apparently it can be a “kink” thing or in some way sexual and now I’m even more uncomfortable. Our other roommate and I have both talked to her about how disruptive and weird it is, but they have not stopped. I’m writing this as they’ve been on the couch right outside of my room doing this for the past 15 minutes.

How do you deal with someone doing something that isn’t technically wrong but definitely feels wrong, and they don’t care?

I moved into a home with a married couple, and another adult tenant. The married couple also have a 4 year old child. They want to split rent and utilities 4 ways. Should the child be considered as well? Part of me feels like the married couple should be paying a larger portion to account for their kid, but I genuinely do not know.

My gf and I had a new roommate move in and we were assessed a late fee. Im curious where someone without a stake in this would assign responsibility.

Our rent is due on the first and a late fee hits the fifth. Our LL is slow at getting anything done and while they initially said applications would be done by the first of the month, there was a delay.

We talked to roommate and let them know itd be difficult to pay the full rent this month on the first. She agreed to pay, but only when she was approved. I said this puts us risk of being late. Our half of rent was paid on time.

Roommate began moving a small portion of her belongings in on the first. On the fourth her application was approved. In the evening we reminded her to pay rent. At this point she asked to prorate it. We agreed. She transferred the money to me and I payed the remainder on my card.

Now, our LL claims due to delays from the portal the payment didnt hit until the fifth and was late so we would be assessed a $150 late fee. I dont really think they can do that, but its not worth fighting them over this.

How do you think this should be handled, whats fair? Who pays the late fee.

My roommate (f22) and I (f21) have been living together since 2023. We knew each other since elementary school and reconnected after I graduated. We decided to move cities together where I was going to university and she wanted to go to school as well. Things were great at first but recently we’ve been having a lot of issues, and it’s just gotten to the point that I want her gone.

I care about her a lot, but she’s honestly been so cold and rude to me for a while now, and she doesn’t keep up with any of the cleaning in our shared spaces. I’ve tried to talk to her about her coldness towards me before but it just ended with her crying, sending me miles of texts the next day, and me feeling awful.

I need to talk to her again, probably tomorrow because we both work for the rest of the week. I’d like to try to remedy the issues instead of asking her outright to move out, but I don’t know if she will even be willing to have this conversation. It’s gotten to the point that I’m walking on eggshells and I feel uncomfortable in my own home.

My dad owns our apartment, and I’ve been talking to him a lot about our options, but we really just can’t evict her without proper clause, and he wants me to talk to her as soon as possible because she would have to sign a form saying she would be out in three months, and if we waited past the end of August for her to sign we might risk having her stay until after new years.

We also got a cat together, which was a dumb mistake I know. Only my name is on the adoption forms and licence, but I don’t trust my roommate to not just take her. I’m going to offer her compensation for the cat with the stipulation that she will move out, but if she disagrees I don’t know what to do because I can’t hide the cat at my parents and pet boarding is expensive. I’d be more willing to negotiate custody if my roommate wasn’t just downright awful to me most of the time, and I’ve been the one paying for most of the cats expenses.

I’m considering sending her a message when I’m out tomorrow saying that I want to talk to give her time to prepare, because last time she was livid that I ambushed her, but I’m not sure this is a good idea.

If anyone has advice, please share. I’ve been getting a solid four hours of sleep nightly because I’ve been so stressed about this.

going to try to be a little vague for the sake of anonymity, but i 20f just moved into a new apartment. one person was already living here, and me and two others are new to the unit. when i walked in, i was shocked. there was a sink full of dirty dishes, the counter was covered in some sticky substance and MORE dishes, the floor was covered in crumbs, the person living there had shoes EVERYWHERE, etc. the trash was full, but the fridge was the worst. filled to the brim and has strange brown sludge on a lot of the shelving. (i would include photos, but i want to maintain privacy haha) i am a clean freak. i have diagnosed ocd, and a lot of my behaviors revolve around cleanliness and dirty things not touching clean things. i am reasonable though, but this was TRULY unreasonable. i have since talked a bit to the other two that are new, and they are (thank GOD) in agreement about how bad it is. so essentially, two things.

1. how do we go about broaching the subject? i already sent a text about wanting to set a chore chart, but i don’t want to come on too strong when we JUST met.

2. does anyone have suggestions for how to deep clean a fridge? quite honestly, i won’t even feel comfortable if she cleans it. i need to buy groceries but the fridge is absolutely disgusting and i cannot in good conscience put anything in there right now.

thank you in advance! all advice is appreciated :)

Okay so my roomates boyfriend is over about everyday of the week and sleeps here atleast 4 nights a week. She always leaves food out, makes stuff and doesn’t eat it and leaves it out to rot on the counter. She uses our groceries which is fine in moderation too but wasting it is a different story and just disrespectful. She rarely does any dishes. Never cleans the common spaces when the rest of us do all the work. She says she’s “barely home and doesn’t contribute as much” which just isn’t true. She has so many excuses for things like cleaning up. Back to the bf, She said she’s only having him over so much because he’s moving town in 2 months. That was about a month and a half months ago… and he’s over everyday. Eating our food, showering here sometimes, they are loud half the time, and she gets defensive and says “she’s working on it” when we mention that it bothers us. Me and her were friends before and me and my bf and other roommate needed another person to be paying rent. It’s starting to put a strain on our friendship because she feels “targeted” but these seem to me like valid things to ask of her not to do. I just think it’s rude and inconsiderate especially after we’ve talked about it multiple times.. she seems to jsut not like the rules we’ve set. She also can be somewhat bossy and try to tell us that our “couch sucks” and we need to decorate more and all this stuff when we are all more focused on paying rent and decorating little by little. Not to mention she asked me for $100 to borrow for her rent and then goes to like4 concerts and shopping… like girl learn to manage your money. She just doesn’t seem to understand that we’re not trying to limit what she does and be controlling we just all had rules set for the household and expectations that she just doesn’t want to follow. Keeping our house clean is a TEAM effort as roomates. AITA for bringing up these issues? Are they valid things to be annoyed with or are we over reacting??? And I don’t want to have her kicked out but she just is so awkward around us and seems to resent us for setting rules because she had “more freedom at her parents house” said I quote from her. AITA?!?!?!? We all have expectations of living and keeping the COMMON space clean and tidy without it all falling on everyone else should jsut be common sense. She needs to be contributing too. She acts like her paying rent gives her all free range to do whatever she wants. Thank you for reading. I just need another opinion because me my bf and other roommate are all Ont eh same page and I don’t know if we’re being too controlling or if this is all valid things to be pissed off about. I like being her friend but not having her as a roommate to say the least.

I would like help in approaching the issue at hand. I live in a shared apartment with 2 other people. Apologies for my lack of etiquette, this is my first time posting on Reddit ever.

I have a roommate (Roommate A) who always has their partner over, a couple of weeks ago after, counting, the partner had been over 11 times within a 2 week period, and had slept over for 4+ days consecutively. Most of the time we would not know that the partner was coming over/ sleeping over until they were walking through the door. We began to become extremely frustrated as the roommate would give prior warning when other friends would come/sleep over but not their partner.

The first time we talked to roommate was brief, but we got to the point and asked for a more prominent heads up. However, after having this talk it seemed that Roommate A completely forgot immediately after and we were given extremely last minute notice.

There have also been instances were partner was in the house and roommate was not, and in these cases me or Roommate B were responsible for either letting their partner in, or locking the door when they left (as we found out they would leave after roommate A went to work.)

We also recently found out that even though partner has a home 20 minutes away from us, they work in the plaza next door. Said plaza is quite literally a 5 minute walk away, and we found out that the partner has lowkey been sleeping over for that convenience.

We came together and talked to roommate once more very recently. In this conversation we pointed out that the partner had been over a lot, and that we rarely saw roommate, even going as far to say we see partner more than roommate. We also pointed out that we would appreciate much more of a heads up in advance. Roommate A seemed to take this conversation very well and inquired if we wanted to set strict timeframes for when the partner could come over. Roommate B and I declined as we thought it would not be fair given that we ourselves would rarely have anybody coming over in the near future who such rules would apply to. We also both think that this is just a matter of common sense and courtesy so we thought it would just be a dumb action to take.

It has been a week since we had that conversation, and the partner has been over five times this week and slept over twice, we still have also not had a chance to hang out with roommate A even after inviting them to watch tv with us or just hang out in our shared spaces multiple times this week. In Roommate A’s defense we have gotten a heads up more than we did in the past, however there were still times when it was still forgotten.

We want to ask for advice because it is getting to the point where we are beginning to become a bit bitter towards roommate A and their partner. Especially because at the very beginning of our living arrangement, Roommate A very clearly stated that they did not want their partner to be over all the time. We do not have an issue with the partner, but we just truly miss seeing our friend and would like to sometimes hang with them and overall just have our space to ourselves.

Do you all think that setting timeframes is our only saving grace? If you guys have any other advice please give it to us.

EDIT: For clarification, in truth we are more upset at the principle of the situation at hand than the actual people. It just sucks because Roommate A was previously in a living arrangement similar to ours where their roommate’s disregarded Roommate A’s feelings/shared space by constantly having their own partner over. Since then roommate A has shared their negative feelings with us about that prior living arrangement explicitly. So in our eyes we just find it a bit confusing that they do not see it in the same light as us. In the rare occasion when it is the three of us roommate A will invite their partner over last minute or is never truly present unless they are able to relate the situation at hand to their partner. ( And then they may go off to hang out alone.)

TLDR: Apartment with 3 people, one roommate always has their partner over even though they told us they would not. We miss seeing our roommate, how should we approach the conversation for the (lowkey) 4th time.

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some advice on whether I should end my lease early and hand my two months notice in.

For context I’m a university student in England, I’ve just moved out of dorms and now I’m renting with 5 other friends in a shared house starting September however I’ve been paying rent for the house since June just gone.

Originally I wasn’t planning on living in a private rental property in my second year as it takes me about an hour to commute to my campus from my home, however the friends I made in my first year asked me to live with them in a shared house for second year. To begin with I was very hesitant (upon reflection I wish I’d taken up this hesitancy) as it was different to my original plans to commute and I’d only known these people for about a month and a half (in England second year accommodation is sorted by November the latest so, yes early but also extremely normal). Upon discussing it with my parents who encouraged me to live with them for the social aspect and due to me being able to live closer to campus I agreed.

My friendships stayed good with my future roommates until third semester around May time. I noticed they began to grow distant, meet up without me and not invite me, had inside conversations and joke I was not aware of etc. this all felt very strange considering I had been asked to live with them for the next academic year and our friendships had been strong, this was my primary group of friends with just a few other friends outside of the group. This became a growing issue with me being left out more and more so after becoming really quite upset and disheartened with the way I was being treated I decided to ask them what was going on and if they had some sort of issue or problem with me that could be resolved. They all denied leaving me out and excluding me from the group, and said they had absolutely no problem with me and I’d done nothing wrong whatsoever. Despite this confrontation the exclusion continued and I was now being talked about to other mutual friends, again with no idea what the problem was or what I had done wrong.

No one from the friendship has reached out or spoke to me even when I’ve tried to initiate conversation, the only time I speak to them is in regards to the house and what we need to sort financially or practically.

Today I went to the house and noticed someone had reserved fridge and cupboard space for everyone in the house apart from me, leaving me to believe there’s another groupchat where they discussed what spaces in the kitchen they wanted so I would be stuck with the lesser space.

Now I’ve explained the situation (as shortly as possible sorry) I’m asking whether to stick out the living situation in hopes it gets better when we’re all in the same space or look to hand my two months notice in and leave after the first semester. Any advice on this would be much much appreciated!! Thank you!!

My boyfriend and I moved in together about 5 months ago after dating for a year. I have a 13-year-old dog who has always slept with me. Before we moved in together, my boyfriend knew how attached I am to my dog and knew she slept in my bed.

When we moved in together, we made it a rule that she couldn’t be in our bedroom because he can’t deal with pet hair and doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping with a dog in the room because of her snort style breathing and also she sometimes pees on rugs and he has a really expensive rug we put in there. I ultimately agreed because I didn’t want him to be uncomfortable, and I honestly thought I could handle it. I thought I’d eventually get used to her sleeping outside the bedroom. I told myself his OCD and anxiety is worse than mine.

Five months later, I haven’t gotten used to it. I’m actually miserable about it. Sometimes I sleep in the spare room with my dog, but that’s not what I want either. I don’t want to sleep separately from my boyfriend. I want to sleep with both of them.

Last night I actually had a nightmare about it. In the dream it was my birthday and I was begging him to let my dog sleep with us, and he finally agreed, but then did something cruel to punish me for wanting her there. In the dream he poured a bucket of fleas and ticks on us to teach me a lesson about how dogs are dirty. I woke up really upset and realized how much this has been bothering me. I know it was just a dream but it felt real.

My dog is 13 now, and that’s making this feel more urgent. I’m scared about how much time I have left with her, and I don’t want to spend the last years of her life wishing I could have cuddled with her at night.

My boyfriend’s argument is that the pet hair makes him uncomfortable and that it’s not fair for his comfort to be disregarded. I understand that. I don’t think his feelings are invalid. But I feel like my feelings are being treated as something I should just get over because I agreed to the rule.

He also says that my dog has already adjusted. She’s perfectly capable of sleeping outside the bedroom with out crying, and sometimes when I sleep in the spare room she doesn’t even come sleep with me. I agree that she’s adjusted. This isn’t about my dog being unable to cope. It’s about me wanting to spend this time with her.

I feel guilty because I DID agree to the rule. I don’t want to be someone who changes the rules after moving in together and expects my partner to just accept it. But I also feel like I made the decision based on thinking his discomfort would be worse than mine, and I was wrong. I didn’t know I’d still be this unhappy five months later.

I don’t want to break up over this. I love him. I just don’t know if it’s reasonable to say, “I tried this for five months and I can’t do it anymore. Can we renegotiate?”

So, AITA for wanting to change my mind five months after agreeing that my dog wouldn’t be allowed in the bedroom?

Pretty much what the title implies; a bit more nuance tho. I’m transgender FtM but pre-everything. I have a masculine name and short hair and all my clothes are men’s. I think I pass from afar, like if you glance at me or something, but if you hear me speak it’s a dead giveaway. I have 3 suitemates (we all have our own room, but share a bathroom & kitchen) in a college dorm. Important context: we live in “open housing” which is essentially gender-blind housing. Everyone in this suite willingly elected to have open gender housing instead of same-gender housing. The idea is that open housing would create a safe space for gender nonconforming people. My suitemate, Ashley (fake name), was extremely nice to me upon arrival at move in. She’s super friendly and talks to me every time we cross paths. She’s been incredibly generous, offering to share basically all of the stuff she brought. However, she keeps her door open often and I happened to see a couple things in her room that are a bit alarming to me. There’s a huge flag on her wall that is a parody of the “Make America Great Again” flag (same colors and all) but it says “Morgan Wallen: Make Mullets Great Again.” Obviously that alone is barely anything, but then I saw a SHITton of stickers covering her mini fridge and they all say concerning stuff too: “hillary is like herpes she just keeps coming back” and “i’ve never been fondled by donald trump but i have been screwed by joe biden” and “i identify as a conspiracy theorist: my pronouns are i/told/you/so” and I also caught a glimpse of one on the front that said something abt Obama. There’s also “We The People Respect our Veterans” and the classic “Don’t Tread on Me.” I realize that people’s political beliefs do not define them, especially since she has been so outwardly nice to me. I think I just can’t quite wrap my head around the why of it all. Why would someone like that, who holds those political views, willingly choose open housing? Additionally, with all the violence against trans ppl and all the anti-trans rhetoric being spread rn, I think I’m just extra vigilant and a bit on edge. I also think my school could do a better job of making it very clear that open housing will most likely be where a lot of trans/nonbinary people choose to live. I don’t know, kinda just rambling atp. I guess I’m asking how worried I should be? It feels like an overreaction to ask for a room change, but I’m just very anxious about it and scared that the kindness is a facade. I know that’s not fair, just my anxiety talking, but I don’t know.

I’m thinking about telling my roommates (who are some of my closest friends) that for my own sake, if they want to hang out with me, they can ask me first if I was gonna do something instead of me inviting them to something every weekend. I’m typically someone who invites people out, connects my friends, etc but I’m starting to feel like I’m being taken for granted.

This all stemmed from numerous times when they would walk past me to smoke weed and not asking if I want to join, times when they invited one another but rarely with me, and many more occasions that has made my love real cheap.

They’ve shown acts of kindness and affection but that ropes me back into this cycle of feeling used. If they want to spend time with me as much as I do with them then they can simply talk to me.

I just need some advice on how to distance myself without cutting them off completely because they’re still my friends at the end of the day and I live with them. I’ve had a lot of time to think about this and when I confront them, I don’t want to be flustered or mad, which wouldn’t represent accurately how deeply sad and isolating it’s all made me feel.