r/roommateproblems

Me 25f share a house with 25yo man and 70yo f - who has a dog and cat .
I get along with 25m pretty good, he comes from a rough background of trauma and often confides in me about his troubles. Other than him always leaving stuff in the sink and sometimes confiding in me when I can’t emotionally cope (I think he would be better off confiding in a therapist) he is ok. Doesn’t work or drive also doesn’t pay rent or bills on time either and also doesn’t clean but we get along

70yo can be okay at times but thinks she “runs the house and is in charge”
She forgets where her keys/ phone are daily and this past month I’ve had to get 5 new house keys cut for her cause I refuse to lend her mine . When she gets home, I often have to stop what I’m doing to unlock the door to let her in 🙄 Also makes a mess and leaves cups / plates and bowls everywhere even tho she made a sign saying “clean up/ wash up after yourself” and stuff sits in the sink for two days multiple occasions .
Also uses the washing machine all day every day and us two don’t get a chance to use it much .
Leaves laundry all over the place and has a bad temper and will complain about everything .
Also have found brown stuff that looks like shit in the shower drain when I have gone to have a shower after she’s used it .. and found toilet paper and also a sanitary pad on one occasion on the toilet floor . .. Also knocks on my bedroom door at inconvenient times sometimes- of a morning before I have got up and also of an evening when I’ve gone into bed, to ask for help with something.

if I bring up an issue she gets defensive nit picking stuff I do and tries to flip it on me or change subject and get really nasty and argumentative. When I was just trying to have a civil conversation about it

I live in shared housing. Before leaving, I switched everything off in my room, including my TV.

While I was out, the girls in another room were using an appliance that apparently tripped the electricity. They went to the electrical panel and switched the breaker back on. After the power came back, my TV somehow auto-turned-on by itself.

Then I started getting messages saying the TV was loud and a “fire hazard.” I responded the whole time, tried troubleshooting remotely, and explained that I had NOT left the TV on before leaving.

There was:

• no smoke,

• no burning smell,

• no sparks,

• no actual emergency.

Later they even admitted “everything is okay.”

Despite that, they escalated it to property management and ended up breaking/opening my locked room to get inside.

Now whenever I try to explain this calmly, I get told I’m “avoiding responsibility” or people start yelling.

I understand being annoyed by a loud TV, but this escalation feels insane to me. Am I overreacting for being upset about the forced entry and blame?

AITA somehow ?

Edit - I am NOT against them going inside my room to resolve it. I am against / not for being abused for the while situation.

So, I (29F) have lived with the same housemate (67F) for close to 5 years now, and I have had issues with her taking my food. Over the years, I have had countless conversations with her about it and tried putting systems in place to limit her taking my food. I separated the fridge so that my stuff would be on the left, and hers on the right. Despite this, she still kept taking things from the left (and still does to this day). So I started putting brightly coloured stickers on my things and told her anything with a sticker was mine—yet, she would still take it and say "Oh, I didn't see the sticker".

Next phase was physically writing my name on everything, which can be time-consuming. She would STILL take it and claim she didn't see my name... So, I started putting large white labels on everything with my name written in large font in texta. She still takes my food. Last thing I tried was asking her to label her own food (because why should I keep wasting my time for a system that does not work) and I told her to assume anything that DOES NOT have her name on it is not hers. Again, this made no difference. She still takes my food.

I don't know what more to try, because clearly separating or labeling things makes no difference. Confronting her about the subject does nothing. I find myself getting more and more frustrated and angry with her, but I internalise it.

It's not just the food, there's much more she does to upset me, but that's one thing I should be able to have more control over and I feel defeated. What can I do?

So I (28F) moved in with one of my best friends (28F) last year. We both got an apartment together, we’re both on the lease and both pay the same amounts. However, she try’s to control who I have over and when. I have been seeing a guy for almost a year now and him and I have both agreed my place is more comfortable to be at due to him having gross male roommates. Ever since we’ve moved in she’s had a problem with him coming over because she doesn’t “know” him even though they’ve shared convo here and there and have said hello multiple times. Him and I stay in my room EVERYTIME we hangout with the door closed, we never have ever used the living room. The only time we leave my room is to go to the kitchen to grab a drink or food. We try to be very mindful of sound and will lower the tv very low at night as well to be respectful. Thing is, he comes over maybe 2-3x a week after work, we both have one day off a week where we will spend the whole day together but it’s mostly just evenings. She feels like this is too much? She never leaves the house so therefore him and I never get privacy, shoot I don’t even get privacy myself. She asked me not to have him over on Sundays because of the beginning of the work week, which I accidentally had him over this past Sunday and I guess that just ticked her off even though again we just stay in my room. My thing is, I do everyyything around the house. I do the trash, I do all of the dishes majority of the time I even have to wash her dirty dishes off because she just sets them in the sink with food still on them, I have been the only one ever to vacuum/sweep/mop the floors, I constantly am wiping the counters down in the kitchen because she leaves messes on them. So my thing is, am I being unreasonable for thinking I should be allowed to have my ONE guest over a few times a week considering how much of a load I carry around this place? I do not work from home so therefore I spend majority of my time at work and even then for her to be home basically everyday she won’t pick up. I’m just kind of at a loss for words because this is a very close friend of mine but I feel like she is trying to control me and put me out to be the bad guy for having my partner over.

Okay. To start off, me and my roommates, A & M, have resigned our lease next year last september, a month into first living together this year. We will be living in our college's "seniorland," next to a lot of senior houses, the train, and a very tiny apartment.

Back in December, A really wanted a cat. This stems from her ex breaking up with her (to which she then went on a bender for a month and became a less desirable roommate at the time), because she "always" needs someone around. Or something. She consistently complains that we're bad roommates because we're always out and busy, and that she has no one to hang out with, or no one to be excited to see her when she's home.

I told her a harsh no to this cat, because my entire family is allergic and it would be very unfair for her to get a cat knowing that my family almost would never be able to come into our apartment. She was upset at me, but didnt get the cat.

In Janurary, she starts talking about getting a dog. Rescuing a dog. (Context: she's a animal science major, and the president of a service dog club, and works at a vet clinic.) She wont stop talking about rescuing a dog. I was under the impression that it would be a pitbull at the end of its life, that she wants to save, but A and M are MUCH closer than me and A, so I wasnt really in the conversations, not that I cared. M shut it down, and said no dog. So A came and complained to me, saying it was so unfair that M said no to the dog, and that she wants a dog so bad. I said damn that sucks.

Spring break, I find out in a groupchat (with 10 of our other friends) that she had sent a picture of a golden retreiver puppy, with the caption "our fourth roommate!". WTF. I ask M what is happening, and she was confused as to why A hadnt told me yet. A talks about it when we all get back, and it's VERY clear that me and M do not want this puppy. A says, "No, my mom got it for me as a 21st gift, its not like i can return it!"

M and I were both pissed, but A doesnt respond to that. We had conversations with her about how this dog wouldnt be a good idea. How this dog would eventually become our responsibility too, and we dont want that. How this dog sheds, how its a puppy, how it will bark etc. Her answers were, "No, I would train the dog really well. This is gonna be good for me. No, I would NEVER ask you guys for help. No, I'll clean up the dog with the shedding, no the dog will not bark." You legit cant reason with her. M was talking with her about how this dog is a bad idea, and A goes, "You can sublease."

So thats her perspective on this whole thing. Her plan, also, is to take this puppy, which will be a month old in June, and crate it during her 50 hour work weeks this entire summer, and train it when she has time. Also, we found out that the dog wasnt a gift. She had been begging her mom to LET her get this dog since december. And she bought everything for the dog. WTF.

She will also crate it during her 7-8 PM class days, whenever she has ISD events, and whenever she works her 12 hour shifts during the weekend. This has got to be animal curelty, especially for the first year of this dogs life. I dont want this dog, but she doesnt seem to have much of a reaction to anything I tell her. I even told her that my best friend is allerigic to dogs and how will she be able to come over, something I would have said if I had known that she was getting a puppy, and A simply said, "You can hang out at hers."

WTF?? My mom HATES this idea, even to the point where she wants to get a attorney to get her out of this lease. I want to get out of this lease, but who is gonna wanna take over this lease with a crazy roommate and a golden puppy??

Also, our next apartment is pet friendly, but obviously we didnt consider that. Our apartment is also not fit for a dog, as it is extremely small, and our rooms are so small that A wants to put the crate in the living room, to which we both said fuck no.

What can I do??? Please help me out because I dont want this living situation my senior year, and I have already talked to her SOOOOOO many times and just keep getting the same bitchy answer.

**UPDATE:** So I looked into the lease and it's a hard no on pets — $250 fine plus $25/day if one's found, with the only exception being a documented service animal. The three of us signed back in October. My roommate got a puppy this May without running it by me or our other roommate, and neither of us want a dog. It's not a service animal and not a real ESA, though I wouldn't be shocked if she tried to claim it is now. I also found out that since we're all on the lease, the landlord can come after any of us for her fines or damages, which puts me and my other roommate on the hook for something we didn't agree to. We're signing ext year and I'm trying to figure out if she's submitted any paperwork for this dog, and what we can do to make sure it doesn't follow us into the new place.

OK for backstory I’m a 19-year-old female and my roommate is a 22-year-old male we kind of grew up together. We went to the same high school. He was my trainer my very first job and for the sake of the story let’s call him William William and I moved in together last year. We have our own separate rooms, bathrooms, etc. however we have always been close in the sense of just telling each other random things and about like love lives, and what not but a big caveat to the story is his once upon a Time best friend was my boyfriend I have hinted and admitted to him in the past years of me, knowing him that I did have a crush on him, but my crush as long since died and normally, I am perfectly fine with being just friends. I actually prefer that we stay just friends but recently we’ve been getting weirdly close. I’ve woken up in his bed a couple times and we’re like cuddling or will send each other stuff on Instagram and I’ll show it to my friends and they’ll say oh yeah girl he likes you and I’m really confused because I feel personally like he doesn’t like me, but everyone else is saying that he does and I feel like I’m stuck in this weird limbo seat, where he doesn’t but I kinda do on the flip end. I don’t wanna lose him as a friend if he did like me and I’m low-key panicking, what should I do?

Update

OK, i have been distancing myself because I am unsure of how I really wanna go about this with him notably we still send rules to each other, but I haven’t been waking up in his bed, which I feel like is a good step. However, our text messages and reels have been more on the flirtatious side or just no filter. An example of this is he sent me a reel about eating box and when girls make the first move, it’s always a green light which he never really has sent me things like that. Small personal life update I got my🍒 pierced a couple days ago so they’re sore and I don’t know why but it’s comfortable for me to lay on my stomach so if we’re on the couch, I’m normally like laying against him and he’s been more recently like if I don’t do that. He’ll make a comment talking about oh you’re not gonna lay on your favorite pillow or not in reference to him or that we fit so well against each other, which feels like progress in a more flirty way, but I’m unsure how to take any of this I don’t know if I wanna go along with it or not

Hey, I've never really posted on reddit, only ever read stories through Tik tok or Youtube. But I found this group and figured maybe I could talk about my experience as someone who has PTSD and is struggling everyday.

My story is a bit odd, I live with 12 roomates in a big house. And of course living with that many people can come with problems, and to actively fight my distrust of people I chose to live in this big house to avoid isolation and making my PTSD worse by avoiding people in general.

Everything was great until one of my roomates who had a disability started following me around and everything. I'm not gonna get into details because I've currently pressed charges and I'm waiting to hear from it. My PTSD is from family abuse who went on for 25 years, and from bad experience with men.

Anyway I fought for months to have him removed and/or be safe, and he is finally gone. I started feeling like finally I was free and could live inside my own home without feeling unsafe after months of negociation and having to advocate for myself which drained the life out of me and left me feeling battered. My other roomates ( who do not have disabilities ) have been very supportive, and cheering for me, understanding how hard it was for me to stand up for myself and how fucked up the situation was. Yes I've specified only my roomates without disabilities because my other roomates have mental disabilities and I do no think they understand or grasp the situation, nor do I wish to cause them distress because it was initially their friend and they also suffered from his actions ( he harassed multiple people etc ).

So I mainly told my other roomates, in that group there was someone I was sort of close to, we'd watch episodes of our favorite tv show every monday, or have a conversation late at night around a teacup and we'd have deep conversations. This went on for months, he told me about his family, I told him a bit more about me and while he was social I felt like we had something special.

Last week end it's me and another girl and him, except we all get pretty drunk quickly from the tequila. Things go on and we move to the basement for a karaoke, he seems friendlier than usual but I brushed it off.

When I sat he gave me his sweater right away because I was cold, which was nice, and finally he sat next to me, his head close to me ( he knows I don't like to be touch or close to people because I am autistic ). But I don't know what happens, at some point he touches my feet which is weird like trying to reach for my hand but it's my feet, and I'm like ' Hey this is my feet ' he seems embarassed but when he lays down on the couch he puts his hand on my knee and rubs his thumb on the inside which made me freeze instantly.

He did not say anything nor did he try anything in the past or even made a flirty comment. I am genuinely just frozen, and my other roomate is here and I don't want to be a party pooper by screaming at him. He keeps doing it, seeing I have no reaction he asks if it's okay. I get very nervous and I fawn completely like dismissing it nodding, barely speaking and just trying to pick a song.

He says " I can tell it's not okay, sorry" seems embarassed, does it again 20 minutes later. Keeps trying to do it, initiate contact.

Asks me again if it's ok and I say " We'll talk about it later " because I do not want to throw a fit, especially after everything that has happened with my other roomate. But he keeps either 'forgetting' and keeps doing it.

When we're alone around 5am finally I ask him ( still terrified but trying to get through it all ) what the hell was that. He tells me he likes me as more, blabla, doesn't know what he wants.

I tell him I have PTSD and do not feel okay with touch etc. Guess who tries to initiate contact again, 5 minutes later, I literally ended up grabbing his hand hoping it would stop him from touching any other part of me, while telling him " I am really not comfortable with touch " and he proceeds to kiss my hand and I officially feel grossed out.

2 days later he's very drunk again and apologizes for making me feel uncomfortable in any type of way, which I brushed off because I didn't want to be alone with him when he's drunk.

I fawned at first and was like " Ok let's stay friends " but now I feel terrible, I am scared to even leave my room AGAIN. I have no one to talk about it with. I am scared my girls' roomates won't believe me, or worse make me feel bad about it. I didn't want to freeze, but I literally felt like I was gonna ( I have endured sexual and physical abuse in the past and have a very hard time being touched without feeling like I'm going to be hit or worse. Any form of touch by a man brings me back to that one memory I try to stay away from instantly ). I am uncapable of articulating this in real life, I really used to like my roomate but I feel so disappointed and worse. He had been one of the first person to support me when I was being harassed and proceeded to do something very similar. I hate it because I used to feel safe with him, which is one of the reasons I liked him so much.

What would you do if you were me ?

I (18F) have lived with my boyfriend (19M) of two years for about a year now, and we live in a pretty run-down trailer with some pretty intense issues. So, when we found out we were pregnant, our first reaction was to start looking for homes that actually have insulation, and well, don't have a rat living in our laundry room. Our only issue is that a little over a month ago, we had 2 roommates move in with us, my boyfriend's cousin (20F), and her boyfriend (24?M). We have been looking at homes to move into with them, as they are willing to split rent with us, which we agree will help us save up for the baby as well. The only issue is that the cousin's boyfriend is the main source of income besides my boyfriend (for context, they both work the same well-paying job now). My boyfriend and I worry about the stability of their relationship, as they've only been together about 2 months, and she's voiced the true possibility of it not working out. We both agree that if they break up and the boyfriend moves out, it will be very hard to keep up with the rent of a home. The cousin does work, but not with a large enough income to split rent with us, as the homes in our city are a minimum of $2,300 to meet our requirements (a room for us, our roommate(s?), and our future baby. Not to mention, we have 4 cats, and she has a large dog. Not many cheap places here will allow both, and I had my cats before she came here. She just adopted her dog about 2-3 weeks ago.)

I broke down last night to my boyfriend about how worried I am to be having a child in a home like this, with no stability or for sure income. Not to mention our roommate still "hydrates" and smokes "grass", which just makes me feel like our roommates are at a very different point in their lives than we are, and we are going to be in 7 months. The hardest part is that my boyfriend and I both agree there's no way we could tell her to move out. She's his family, and she moved here from a different state because she believed she had for sure housing with us; she has no one to crash with down here. I don't know if this is the time to be selfish for me and my future family, or if I need to put my priorities down and be selfless for our roommates by letting them live their lifestyle and stay with us, regardless of the possibilities that we could be completely fcked financially if she decides to leave her boyfriend.

Please, advice and opinions are needed, and I'll be here to answer any questions y'all have.

I live in a hostel with roommates and recently things have become weird between us.

Few months ago I went to the warden asking for a room change because I wanted a quieter place to study. It wasn’t against them personally, I just wanted my own space. I even told them later that I might shift to which they agreed, but the room never got allotted so we kept sharing the same room.

I’m naturally a quiet person and usually keep things to myself .i don't like gossiping or talking about ppl like they did .i hatedddd being part of that group ah .I used to talk and laugh normally with other people. After this they started saying my behavior changed and that I clearly had a problem with them from the start.

Then small things suddenly became big issues lights being on, doors left open, etc. I agreed sometimes lights stayed on because I study too, but they also keep lights on late at night sometimes, so it’s not like only I did these things. I mean these things were done by themselves too.

And honestly I did try adjusting. Many times I studied in the balcony or in someone else’s room just so there would be less disturbance and no conflict.

What bothered me more was that instead of talking normally, sometimes they would just shout or use gaalis over small things. I stayed quiet for a long time and never really replied back, but recently during another argument I finally said if there’s an issue then say it directly instead of yelling and verbally abusing me. I feel like i ruined the friendship/bond etc .

Now we barely talk. They keep saying they helped me a lot and that I never adjusted but I'm sure I must have done things for them too but it was never really mentioned, and I honestly don’t know what to feel anymore. I feel guilty sometimes, but also really drained .right now I got no friends ,everything seems like messs everyone staring at me as if I did something wrong.

How do I get this to stop? I’m tired of waking up and seeing a new man every day on the couch. I love my roommate, but the friend she brings over has some questionable men over.

Am I in the wrong for being annoyed as she is there every night with a new guy and it’s not like they pay rent since they r my roommate’s friends.

Also, this girl cries when confronted so I’m not too sure how to go about this.

My roommate (23 f) and I (24 f) have been living together for the past couple of years. We slowly became friends and I started to trust her. When I am gone (which is about every weekend), I have her go in my room to feed and water my cat (3 f).

Lately I have been coming back home to certain things being out of place. Things like, the pillows on my bed shuffled out of place like someone laid there, my bathroom door closed (I never close it, my cat needs to access her litter box), and jewelry or perfume not in the correct spot. I never thought much of it, I knew she needed to go in my room to feed my cat and people are curious.

This most recent time, I came home to something very odd. It was late, and the only thing I wanted to do was go to bed. Well, I walked into my bedroom and there was my roommate and her sister (22 f, who I have only met a handful of times) laid up in my bed. They were CHILLIN. T.V. on, snacks, all comfy in my bed...

She immediately started to freak out "oh my god you were supposed to be home in a few days" telling her sister to get up and leave. I honestly did not even know what to say. She kept apologizing and saying she did not know I was coming home. Her sister got up still wrapped up in my blanket. I asked her if she could give me the blanket back. She said she couldn't because "I have to put clothes on". I looked at her and quickly realized that she was BUTT NAKED wrapped up in my bed! I was appalled. I gave a gross look, and just sighed. When I went into my bathroom, I saw a lot was out of place and it was clear my shower had been used.

Another concerning thing is how often she talks about how her sister is a liar and thief. She steals from family members and shop lifts. Why would she skip out on my stuff? My roommate herself has made comments about how certain things in my room are "valuable" and has joked about if I was not so cool she would def pawn my stuff.

I think this is all mostly my fault, because I am really chill and I do put up with a lot. She has never blown up on me, but I have overheard and seen her blow up over small things on other people. I fear if I bring this up she may freak. But now I am at the point where I know I have to say something. What should I do and how do I handle this without her blowing up?

Thanks in advance, I barely use reddit but I have been listening to this podcast for a while now (hey morgan) and thought why not go here. I hope I followed the rules correctly.

**edit: I have an open door policy for my cat. She is free to roam the entire house and has large windows, a cat tree, and automatic play toys that she uses. I have been leaving every weekend for the past few months to see my grandma who is in hospice and I am only gone 3 days at a time. When I got home that night, my door was closed with my cat outside of the room. She said she was scratching at the door to get out. But I always keep my door open, even at night so that should not have been an issue. My roommate does care about the cat and I know she would never do anything harmful to her. However, I am getting a camera and automatic feeder so there will no longer be a reason to be in my room.**

My (f24) roommate (f23 we’ll call her Becky) and I have been best friends since high school and we don’t fight, except for the past couple month (after we’d been living together for a bit) we’re always fighting about this guy(m27) she has around. My boyfriend(m24) is on our lease and picked out our place with us, was always apart of our lease from the start, we’ve thrown out that Becky’s guy could be on our lease cause he’s stayed with us for a few months straight and he’s not paying rent elsewhere. But he
keeps saying he’s moving into his own place. It sits wrong with the me that he’s older than all of us and living rent free. He has a bad drinking problem and regularly shows up drunk, even when Becky says not to. Now he’s pissed on the floor, carpet let me specify, carpet that was brand new when we moved into our unit and now the apartment reeks. I don’t even think Becky’s happy with her current situation, but I don’t know how much longer I can take it. There’s so many little things he does that add up to boil my blood— leaving the back door open with A/C on, not shutting our refrigerator, using MY laundry detergent when Becky has her own, and even drink my boyfriends alcohol and not replacing it. When confronted on these things he’s dismissive like “it’s not a big deal” Someone please convince me we are NOT being used as a crash pad. This guy is our friend, and part of our larger friend group.

I TOLD HIM, "BHOSDIKE TERI GAND MAR DUNGA " AND HE GOT EXCITED 😭😭😭, THAT MF IS ASKING ME TO DO IT FROM LAST 3 DAYS

My roommate is moving out soon (thank god) and the last two or so months have been tense. We don’t speak at all and just text important things. During this time of her moving out she’s been using her own stuff instead of sharing, which is fine but your own trash bags feels extra and unnecessary. Again, fine. My thing is there’s one bathroom and there’s a trash can. It doesn’t get full quickly so there’s not a lot of trash in there. I threw away a razor in there the other day and she had thrown out her wipes in the can too. I go in the bathroom the next day and saw she reached in the trash can to only dispose of her wipes. Am I crazy or is that unnecessarily petty? It’s definitely a nonissue but I’ve never known someone to be like this and I think it’s weird.