r/roommateproblems

▲ 2 r/roommateproblems+1 crossposts

Hot Roommate Troubles. I have never wanted to sleep with the man in the next bedroom before now! How do I know if I should make a move? (25F)

I (25F) moved into Brooklyn a week ago, this place has various floors and thus multiple roommates. I did not get a chance to formally meet him during my tour but I was told he lives here. At the time I didn't think much of it but he is handsome. And of course after moving in, now we only run into each other when one of us is in short pajamas with no bra and or with no shirt on (him ofc). We have only ever said good morning to one another. I have had no further contact with him.

However, I am sure he has a girlfriend or a lover. Yesterday I heard deep groaning as if he was finishing. I questioned if he was doing what I thought, just solo. Sometime later I heard a girl in the room. I am not stupid, I know he just got laid. My question is how do I know if he is in relationship or is having a fling?

It would be beyond hot for something to happen between us right? However I am a shy, reserved, and respectful individual who is reluctant to pursue anyone. How can I further explore this without souring my living situation or seeming weird? The looks shared between us seem flirtatious or nervous idk but I think it is all in my head. Help!

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u/Similar_Difference30 — 4 hours ago

What I came back to after being gone for two days.

Looks like my roommate cleaned out his cats litter box, left the litter bag by the door. She's pissed and shit on top of the bag, and shit in a few different places around the apartment, including one pile in the background on the bath mat. One month left of this lease.

u/Ok_Aardvark9025 — 4 hours ago
▲ 3 r/roommateproblems+1 crossposts

How to deal with unemployed, depressed, alcoholic roommate that still pays rent and keeps things clean

Background context: I (28F) have been friends and roommates with my roommate (28F) since college. We've lived together for about 8 years, even moving to different cities together.

Our lives have gone in very different directions. I finished college, built a career, and have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. She dropped out of college, worked an entry-level job until she was fired last year, and has been unemployed ever since. Her parents pay her rent, she doesn't have friends besides me, drinks heavily every day (usually 1/3 bottle of vodka or 6+ seltzers), and spends most of her time at home scrolling on her phone. She isn't disruptive or a terrible roommate. She mostly keeps to herself and cleans up after herself but she doesn't seem interested in changing her situation.

I've spent years trying to help her figure out what she's struggling with, but I've realized nothing changes unless she wants it to. Living with someone who spends every day drinking and doing nothing has made the atmosphere in our home feel really depressing, even though she isn't causing any obvious problems.

Our friendship has changed over time too. She gets visibly upset when I spend time with my boyfriend or other friends without her, but when we do things together it's hard to connect because she has nothing going on in her life anymore. I don't want every conversation to become about her struggles, but I also don't know what else to talk about.

The biggest issue is that my boyfriend and I are ready to move in together. When I brought the idea up, my roommate said she'd rather kill herself than live alone. This isn't the first time she's made comments like that, and now I feel trapped. I feel like moving forward with my own life could put her at risk, even though I know her life is her responsibility.

I've talked to her parents multiple times, but they mostly say they hope she'll eventually snap out of it. I know we've all enabled her in different ways, but I genuinely don't know what else to do. I care about her and don't want to abandon her, but I also feel like I've put my own life on hold because I'm afraid of what might happen if I finally move on.

I feel responsible for someone who refuses to help herself, and I don't know where the line is between being a good friend and sacrificing my own future. I'm not sure where to go from here.

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u/ThrowRAssdd — 9 hours ago

Would I be a horrible person if I don’t rent an apartment with my childhood best friend and I go live with some of my other friends

All right show me and my best friend are both male and 21 and we both live in different states and for the past few months, we’ve been talking about me moving up to where he is. And recently, I have been planning to make just a quick trip up there to go see him as well as some other very close friends, and I asked if I could crash at his place for the week and he said sure and so it’s a week before I’m supposed to come up and I text him a couple of times trying to get an answer out of him to see if I’m still able to stay over and after a couple of days he says no he’s busy and he can’t really let me stay over for the week. And I said you know what that’s fine get it. It sucks but I get it and so I go to some of my other close close friends that I’m also going to go visit and they said yes, absolutely and so I kind of am just thinking because of a lot of past issues if I should rent an apartment with him still. My reasons being is because with the childhood friend I don’t really talk to him as much because usually he doesn’t pick up my calls a lot of the time and he’s just never really there. And my other close friends that let me stay at their house have been pitching the idea of three of us getting an apartment together looking up places we could rent apartments and everything and I talk with them fairly frequently play games with them and etc., and so I’m just kind of at a predicament of how I should tell my childhood friend that I just don’t want to rent an apartment with them like I still care for him deeply. The guy is like a brother to me, but I just don’t want to rent an apartment with with him so I just need advice

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u/DookieMaxxer — 9 hours ago
▲ 1 r/roommateproblems+2 crossposts

Need advice lalo from mga may asawa na malakas humilik, paano kayo nakakatulog?

Need advice lalo from mga may asawa na malakas humilik, paano kayo nakakatulog?

Panggabi ako so hirap na hirap na talaga ako makabawi ng tulog. Weekend na nga lang yung chance ko makatulog nang maayos tapos sobrang lakas pa humilik ng asawa ko. Umaabot na sa point na pinag-aawayan na namin kasi parang wala rin siyang pake kahit ilang beses ko sabihin na pagod na pagod na ko.

Naka-try na kami ng:
pagtalikod
ibang unan
gigisingin siya
pero bumabalik din agad.

Honestly naapektuhan na talaga sleep ko and mood ko.
Sa mga naka-experience nito:
ano gumana sainyo?
may device/remedy ba talaga?
separate room na lang ba realistic solution?
possible ba na sleep apnea na to?
Open ato practical advice 😭

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u/Various-Aspect348 — 7 hours ago

am in the wrong/being too uptight?

So a little bit of context: last September I moved into an old house with my friend of 10 years and her half-brother after she kicked out her ex-husband and started filing for divorce. The house was built in the late 1800s, had a reno in the 1970s and has basically gone untouched since. When I moved in, there were a lot of projects to take on and a lot of bullshit to clean up and fix because her ex was a trash human being (long story). I'm talking for the first month and a half I lived here, we were scrubbing, cleaning, fixing, moving, and replacing things or throwing them out. In December, we redid the shower in our only full bathroom, and it's still in a "usable and waterproof, but not finished" state 7 months later.

Throughout all of that, I've been contributing a lot. My friend was in debt and behind on the mortgage payment/utilities because her ex fucked with the auto-pay and missed multiple months, and this had also happened with her car payment and some other stuff. Me and her half-brother paid for rent, utilities, plus a little extra for her to put towards paying the overdue fees and buying household items like TP and cleaning supplies. I personally also helped her get her car back when it was repo'd because the car company didn't understand that she works nights and sleeps through the day most days. I've also chipped in a lot financially when it comes to the cleaning of the house and some of our projects, such as the bathroom project in December.

In addition to that, from the time I moved in until about mid-March, I was cleaning the two livable floors of the house weekly. (There are four usable floors, including the attic and basement.)

  • I swept, scrubbed, and mopped the entire first floor, which included the kitchen, laundry area, dining room, "foyer" area, and living room. I wiped down the kitchen surfaces too.
  • I also did all five cat litter boxes for most of that time, occasionally with help.
  • I also deep cleaned the main bathroom three or four times in that time frame for multiple reasons - mold removal (friend can't tolerate bleach), general deep cleans to remove grime and debris from previous shitty housemates (her ex lol, plus his brother), and once or twice to account for her half-brother not doing his singular job of keeping it clean.

Besides that, my friend's half-brother and I also end up caring for her cats and dog about 50% of the time because of her night shift schedule.

Now, with all of that in mind, let me tell you the current predicament:

I had an injury in March, at which point I stopped doing my weekly cleaning frenzies in favor of just barely managing to do my own shit (which I had been barely capable of fitting in with all the other cleaning I was doing from September to March). Around this time, my friend's other half-brother and his roommate had to break their lease to leave their apartment because this brother lost his job due to some really shitty circumstances. The two of them moved into the (livable, but not fully "finished") basement, and our collective "rent" was supposed to decrease.*

(*It was already supposed to have decreased that January, because another friend had temporarily moved into the attic, but she ended up not paying any rent at all due to her financial situation... another long, tangential story.)

After my injury, I texted the group chat to tell them all the things I had been doing, and suggested that everyone pick a chore to do so that the house stayed clean, as I would no longer be doing the majority of the housework. (Mind you, I have a "part-time" full-time job (ifykyk) that takes up the first 2/3 of my day 3-6 days out of the week. It was already a strain to be doing all of that stuff, and I told them this as well.) I wrote up a full list, gave a break-down of how long the tasks usually took me, and said I could write up a chore chart or something if need be.

For a month, no one did anything. Not me, not my friend or her original half-brother housemate, not the other brother or his roommate, and not my friend's not-really-a-boyfriend boyfriend. I went on a camping trip in mid-April, before which I furiously cleaned the gross ass kitchen, did the mountain of dishes, and told people to keep it clean and please put away the dishes while I was gone.

Came back to more dishes in the sink, the mountain of clean stuff not put away, the kitchen back to being an absolute wreck, and the same trash and various personal items cluttering and scattered across the rest of the first floor (courtesy mostly of the not-a-boyfriend). Did the same thing to the bathroom a few weeks later, because the OG half-brother wasn't cleaning it again, and once again posted the list of things I used to do, explained I would not be doing them, that I was starting PT soon and had been swamped at work for months and had actually been asking for more help since February, and let it rest.

It is now early July, and nothing has changed except that the original half brother and I worked out an agreement to switch off weekly on cleaning the main bathroom, and I still have to get on his case to make sure he does it for his week. I rage-cleaned the entire house the second week of June when we kicked out not-a-boyfriend, so things are a lot cleaner than they were when he still "lived" here (read: squatted in the living room and acted like a manchild, basically), but the kitchen is still usually a mess, and my friend has actually gotten worse at taking care of her pets.

I have tried for 3 months now

  • to get people to at least take out the trash without being told, and asked them to please take their many, many pizza boxes to the big trash cans outside instead of stacking them on the (full) kitchen trash can.
  • I have asked people to please sweep once in a while, if they're not going to put any effort into keeping the floors clean otherwise.
  • I have a hard time getting one person to help me keep the bathroom clean. I still sweep the stairs and part of the second floor (landing between 3 bedrooms) whenever I find the fucking time.
  • Don't even talk to me about the lawn, man. (Thank god we live in town and its tiny.)

No one else chips in unless my friend yells at them (since she's literally related to some of the people who live here lol) and forces them to help. They guys were supposed to help me rage clean after not-a-boyfriend left, but they drank and got high instead.

Also for context, we have:

  • a night nurse
  • a mechanic
  • two other miscellaneous night shifters
  • and me (a postal worker at an understaffed office) all living here.
  • There are also a dog and 5 cats, but only 4 are free roam - the other one is mine, and since I got the bigger room when my friend vacated it, he stays in here full-time because he doesn't get along with the other cats and my friend doesn't take care of their spaces well.
  • There's also several reptiles, but they live in their respective owners' rooms and obviously don't cause messes or problems the way the dog and cats can.

Oh, and of all the projects we had listed when I moved in? None of those got done besides the shower redo. Also, I wasn't made aware of any of them before I moved in.

  • Our electrical is outdated by about 40 years. The breaker box is much newer, but still scares me.
  • The wallpaper is all from the 70s remodel. It's peeling so, so bad.
  • The floors haven't been sanded and resealed in... god, IDK, decades probably? So every time the dog has an accident on the floor, or the cats pee outside the boxes because my friend doesn't clean them, it soaks into the wood.
  • The entire kitchen needs gutted. It's nonfunctional and looks gross, but also everything by the stove and fridge are outdated, like the rest of the house. The ancient linoleum floor is even peeling up, and you can see the old sub-flooring.
  • A window busted out in a storm this spring, and it's still only boarded up with plywood.
  • The attic, which the temporary live-in friend once lived in, has been trashed by her and her dog. It smells like a barn. It's also insulated.
  • Half the windows in the house still need replaced.

Besides even THAT, the house isn't technically in my friend's name. It's still under a lease by her parents, who are still paying it off from the original owner who has since died. We're technically "renting" from her parents, who I guess now hold the mortgage?? So they're technically the landlords, and before that the other guy was, and none of them ever updated or fixed shit!!

So.

This post is part rant, part me begging for help and direction. I can't stand living in a house that's gross - and I don't mean messy. I'm messy, and disorganized, and cluttered, but I'm also clean. The way the house was when my friend's ex left, and when not-a-boyfriend left? That was messy, disorganized, and fucking disgusting. It devolves back into that every time the chores lapse.

I hate cleaning chores. I hate them with passion. I HATE cleaning bathrooms, but not only have a I deep-cleaned this one four or five times due to other people's negligence, but I now clean it every other week. I also despise organizing people and telling them what to do, but I find myself begging the other four residents of the house to do even the bare minimum on a weekly basis - and even then, I just end up doing a crazy, rage-filled, anxious deep-clean of different parts of the house once a month anyway, because no one takes initiative.

Am I being obsessive? Am I being a dick? Am I being pedantic? Yeah probably. But it's either nag people to death or rot in my room because the rest of the house is fucking awful, and I already did the whole "self-isolation" business at home with my parents, and in college with COVID and other bullshit. I want to be able to walk through the house without smelling something gross or wondering how old that animal piss stain is.

What do I even do in this situation? Can I do anything, besides move out? (I'm planning to move out around the one-year mark, into an apartment with a friend I trust more and know the living habits of lol.) Am I overreacting or do I really live with a bunch of people who don't give a shit about themselves or the people/animals they live with?

I'm just... at a loss. I've tried offering help, and suggestions, and for months I was the one doing the work no one wanted to do. None of the necessary projects have even been started, let alone completed, which stressful considering one project involves century-old electrical wiring.

I've also managed to piss everyone off this week by dropping the nice act and telling people to get their shit together, clean up their own messes, etc, and had a lengthy conversation with my friend about what she needs to do better to keep her animals healthy and safe (which just frustrated her more).

Also, I have pictures if people need context for how gross things have been/are in parts of the house. I'll share if asked, but I don't want to throw them in here outright, I guess. I'm already a little afraid one of my housemates still uses reddit and could find this and make the connections.

Anyway.... uh, hopefully this is entertaining in some way at least? If nothing else, reading about someone running around like a chicken with its head cut off has got to be amusing for someone. Hopefully some of y'all can at least give me advice about it? Thanks in advance. I'm going to go rot on my floor for a bit.

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u/pbj-artist — 10 hours ago
▲ 1 r/roommateproblems+1 crossposts

(UT) Roommate threatening to move out because I asked her to clean

Hello everyone, this post has been a long time coming. I have never wanted to post about this because I’ve been rooming with my close childhood best friend for the past 4 years but yesterday I cut her off. Just a warning this post is a doozy and a long one. For a little bit of preface we’re the same age except she’s a year older than me. We also live in the state of Utah (idk if that will help with the legal side of things). But I genuinely need somebody’s help because my mental health and quality of life just cannot handle living with her anymore.

So we just moved from a 3 bedroom to a 2 bedroom last month in June because one of our roommates didn’t want to room with us anymore (more on that later). The rent is a couple hundred more than it was at the last place and my room and closet is much smaller than it was at the apartment than we were at before. When I asked her to please pay more rent than me (she has the master bedroom and covered parking space) she got defensive but she did agree to pay a small amount more but still is only paying $50 more than me for a much bigger room than me (imagine going from a regular size bedroom to a bedroom that would probably be meant for a child). So whatever right? I try to just move on because the move was already stressful enough I just wanted everything to go back to the way it was. I still think she should pay more but it feels useless to talk to her about it because she’s so defensive. The first couple of weeks our new apartment of course is messy with boxes and things but by the time I’m writing this post I’ve completely unpacked almost everything in my room and have gotten it out of the way of the main area. As of right now there are still boxes and bins in our living room that do not belong to me that are in the way of walking around freely in our living room and kitchen area.

Okay so let’s get onto the personal things that have been happening. So my roommate is basically having, in my opinion, a mental health crisis right now. I have tried to be there for her and be a supportive friend but I drew the line yesterday because I felt like her problems were becoming mine and I really don’t need anything else on my plate right now. I work full time at a retirement home and I go to night school after work so I’m sure those who have done that also can understand why I’m conserving my time and energy. Ever since we have moved into this new apartment her drinking has gotten so bad. She always usually would drink before our move but she has had so much going on lately I feel like she’s using it to cope with everything and it’s really hard to watch. She always makes light of her drinking problem and will say “it’s not a problem yet so I’m fine” but she’s completely oblivious to how much it really is a problem. She has told me a couple of times now that she has driven herself home being drunk, drunk so bad she would say she was amazed she got home safely. For a little bit of context: I am a pretty sober/light drinker not only because of medication I am taking but also because I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father with Bipolar. So you can maybe see and understand how uncomfortable this kind of behavior is to me. A couple of weeks ago this drinking problem got even worse because of her boyfriend breaking up with her. She’s been leaving out shot glasses and bottles of alcohol in the middle of the coffee table and kitchen counter. I have seen her finish almost 3 bottles of liquor and entire cases of drinks completely to herself within the span of only a week. Along with all of this drinking, her anger issues are in full gear right now. She has an adorable cat and he will meow at her when she gets home as cats do, and I can hear it all the way across the house when she is yelling at him to shut up and go away. I’ve also heard her multiple times punching her dresser and her walls in her room and yelling and then she makes it a point to show me the bruises on her hands when she is done punching things in her room. I hate to say it but it honestly freaks me out a lot and is pretty triggering to past trauma.

So you’re probably wondering after reading that what happened for me to fully cut her off. On Thursday night my boyfriend stopped by for an hour as he was on his way to his friend’s house. He told me he only had an hour to see me because he was going camping with his friends in the morning so he had to be up early. We walked into the house and I was so embarrassed to be met with complete filth. Me and my boyfriend spent almost the whole time we were supposed to spend together cleaning my apartment. We are having issues with fruit flies and ants in our kitchen right now which is why it’s important to keep up with cleaning around the house as much as we possibly can. This has been a problem not just recently, I’ve had issues with her being uncooperative to help clean around the apartment for years now but this is the worst I have ever seen it. Her cat’s litter box is in our kitchen and kitty litter and poop were on the kitchen floor that I had to sweep up. I also needed to use my dryer to clean my clothes and her blankets in the dryer so I had to move them on top of my own things. She has a habit of doing this almost every time she uses my dryer and I don’t mind asking her to move it but it’s definitely inconvenient and disrespectful especially since the washer and dryer in our apartment belongs to me. I had some dirty dishes in the sink that I cleaned and got out of the way but I had been waiting for her to unload the clean dishes but they weren’t yet so I had to put all of them away myself too. I don’t really mind doing dishes and actually enjoy doing them but the past 4 batches of dishes I have had to completely take care of by myself because she never unloaded the dishes.

Yesterday when I was at work I sent her a long text (in the pictures, I’m blue texts) asking her very nicely, in my opinion, that I really need her help around the house because I was overwhelmed taking care of her chores on top of cleaning up after myself. Her response was super hostile and completely lacks any accountability or self awareness, in my opinion. She basically threatened to move out on me and told me it’s my responsibility to find a new roommate and that she wants to buy out of the lease. I had to block her at the end of our conversation because I know her and I know talking to her is like arguing with a toddler. Her narcissistic behavior will never allow me to voice anything about my boundaries or needs and I will constantly remain in the wrong. I’d really like to hear what your opinions are on the situation but honestly, I know I don’t deserve this. I’ve told this situation to multiple friends who also know her and they all agree that she is in the wrong. If me needing a clean and safe environment to live and have my belongings be at then idk what to say. Also remember the roommate I mentioned at the beginning that moved out and is the reason we moved to another apartment? I asked her for her side of the story because I’d only heard my current roommates side of the story. She also told me that she couldn’t handle the disrespectful behavior and filth that my roommate is constantly leaving behind her. She also expressed concern about her unstable behavior starting to affect her mental health.

So now that I’ve thrown up all of that for you (if you stuck by I really appreciate you) I’m finally bringing this to the eyes of redditors because I’m honestly just scared. I’m scared to be at home and I feel unsafe or like my belongings aren’t safe either. I’m also very scared because I’m very much so on the smaller income side of things. If my roommate wants to move out and buy out the lease, the leasing office told me it would be around $4,450 which I definitely do not have anything even close to that right now. So I’m asking for help and wondering what my options are? We just signed a 12 month lease. My apartment told me that someone else can move in under her name, or we can buy out the lease. What would you do in my situation? If you read this far I really appreciate you so much and I’ll be forever grateful for any and all advice because I’m very afraid and unsure of my future right now.

▲ 6 r/roommateproblems+4 crossposts

What's the most annoying part of living with roommates?

Genuinely curious what other people's experiences are like - trying to figure out if it's just my house or this is universal lol.

What's your biggest roommate pain point?

View Poll

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u/Flashy-Lemon9460 — 1 day ago
▲ 2 r/roommateproblems+1 crossposts

My roommate hasn’t paid her share of the rent since 3 months, what do I do?

I’ve have been staying at this apartment since 8 months now. I have 2 roommates and one of them is the primary leaseholder and I am the secondary leaseholder, the other roommate is listed as an occupant on the lease. I had joined this lease way after the lease had started so I wasn’t aware that my roommate had problems paying the rent. The leaseholders (me and my roommate who is the primary on this lease) have paid our rent on time every month and it was only the other one who didn’t pay. It started with smaller amounts and I brushed it off but since March it started becoming bigger amounts and it has racked upto 2k now. Our lease is ending this month and we have to vacate the apartment. My roommate and I have decided we are moving out since we have already paid our share but we had gotten a ‘notice to evict’ for the last month. I took this notice to the leasing office and I told them that me and my roommate had already paid our share so why did we get this notice. The leasing agent told me not to worry about it and that we did not have to appear in court because we paid our share and she was going to let the property manager know about this. We spoke to that roommate yesterday and she said she wasn’t able to pay that part of the rent and that she had exhausted all her options and she was sorry to put us in this situation. I told her that the apology doesn’t mean anything because we have a charge of 2000 hanging over our head that wasn’t even our share to begin with.
Could someone suggest what I can do for this? I don’t want anything like this on my record because it’s not money I owe.

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u/lilybabyoh — 1 day ago

Just looking for insight

Hi, I'm just looking for other peoples opinions and thoughts on my current living situation.

I have been living in an apartment for almost a year with two roommates(They are a couple). I have known one of them for years , got a long really well
and jumped at the offer when they asked if I wanted to move in with them as they wanted a new apartment, made it seem like we would all be sharing the common spaces , That i would be welcomed etc.
That I would have a say in what goes on in the apartment.

but since the first month of moving in it has felt the complete opposite, No space for me being made in the fridge or really any of the kitchen , Cameras installed pointing down the hallway/living/ kitchen areas, no warning before they bring guests over when I am home(I don't mind if I'm not home)

for some background , currently I am NOT home often due to my work, and when I am home I am primarily in my room, my separate bathroom, maybe the kitchen 4 times a week. I pay my rent on time every month, and i only do laundry once a week, because i genuinely feel as if they see me as a burden.

They haven't had much discussion with me about any problems , maybe a few reminders at the beginning of basic things like in any house/Apt.

I fear they asked me to move in just to meet the rental requirements and then decided they don't enjoy sharing space as they have been renting on their own for a few years previously.

Am I overthinking?

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u/WhaleSharklvr — 1 day ago

Masterbaiting with roommates, may have crossed the line

I moved to a house's basement (emergency) and I didnt assess that the walls were so thin. Im someone with high libido, and I really try to not do this stuff loudly since I got here. Yesterday I was into it and theres was liquid sounds (no sounds from me nor other places). Tried my best to avoid that. But 20 minutes after I finished I hear the landlord leave their room. I didnt knew their room were right above me.

I know I screwed up. Maybe they moved because of the heat but highly doubt that. I feel so guilty because I saw them sleeping on the living room couch.

I am set on abstinence from now on. Im not sure how to deal with this matter if they ask me. Next time I'll aim at places with people my age or eith couples.

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u/Delicious-Lie-3570 — 1 day ago
▲ 1 r/roommateproblems+1 crossposts

FED UP WITH MY ROOMMATE!

I honestly don't know if I'm overreacting anymore or if I somehow ended up living with the most unhinged roommate imaginable.

When she first moved in she seemed completely normal. Quiet, clean, paid rent on time. About a month in, little things started happening. Food would disappear, but only random bites. I'd open a new tub of ice cream and there would be one perfectly scooped spoonful missing. Half my strawberries would be gone. A single slice of pizza missing from the box. Every time I'd ask, she'd swear she hadn't touched anything.

Then it got weirder last week.

I came home early one day because I forgot my laptop charger. She didn't hear me come in. She was standing in my bedroom wearing my hoodie, talking to herself in my full length mirror like she was practicing a convrsation as me. She froze when she saw me and just said, "I wanted to see if it fit." Really???

I tried to brush it off because what do you even say to that? I was also rushing and frustrated.

Since then I've known she goes into my room whenever I'm out. I kept getting that weird feeling when you go into your house or room and feel like someone has been in there even if you don't see anything wierd.

Last night was the final straw.

I woke up at around 3am bcz I heard movement outside my room. I opened the door and she was crouched in the hallway holding a plush toy, whispering, "Don't tell her I'm borrowing you."

She laughed when she saw me standing there and acted like I was the weird one for making it a big deal because i was like WHAT YOU DOING?

Now she's being super friendly, making coffee for me every morning, asking if we can have movie nights, like none of this ever happened. It's almost creepier than if she'd just admitted she was being strange.

Our lease still has 9 months left, and breaking it would cost me a fortune. My sister think I'm exaggerating because every time she visits she's incredibly nice and acts completely normal.

What would you even do in this situation? Am I being paranoid, or is this as bizarre as it feels? Talking to her doesn't really work and she's older than me.

View Poll

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u/Zaya_B — 2 days ago
▲ 35 r/roommateproblems+1 crossposts

AIO for refusing to follow my roommates’ rule about telling them every night whether I’m coming home?

I live in Canada with roommates, and we’re all on the same lease, paying equal rent.

My roommates want to use an extra "red lock" every night for safety. The problem is that when it’s locked, it can’t be opened from the outside with a key. If I’m out and they lock it, I can’t get into my own apartment until someone inside wakes up and unlocks it. We don’t live in a particularly dangerous area. It’s a normal part of town. Like most downtown areas, there are some unhoused people around, but violent crime isn’t a regular concern for us.

My schedule is unpredictable, especially in the summer. Sometimes I stay at my boyfriend’s place but decide early the next morning that I'd rather go home to get ready for work or work from there. If I tell my roommates the night before that I won’t be home, they lock the door, and I can’t get back in until they wake up. The bigger issue is that my plans can change suddenly. If I go out for the evening and tell them I won’t come home, but then something happens and I want to return at 2 or 3 a.m., I simply can’t. They’re asleep, the red lock is on, and I’m locked out of my own apartment until someone wakes up. I don’t believe I should lose access to my home just because my plans changed.

Their solution is that I need to tell them every night if I’ll be home. I don’t think I should have to report my whereabouts just to access my own home. I believe I should be able to come and go as I please without asking for permission or providing constant updates.

I’ve suggested alternatives like a security system, different locks that allow key access from the outside, or extra security for individual bedroom doors. They dismissed those ideas and insist their system is the only compromise. Another issue is that when I first moved in, we all shared our locations for safety. After a while, I noticed them discussing my whereabouts and checking my location multiple times a day. That made me uncomfortable, so I stopped sharing my location. Since then, they’ve said I’m being unreasonable and not communicating enough.

Yesterday, they tried to speak to me in person while I was rushing to take a shower before going to a movie. I told them I didn’t have time to talk. They kept pushing the conversation, and it turned confrontational since I didn’t want to discuss it on their terms. After that, I preferred to communicate in writing.

They’ve told me they’re unhappy with our living arrangement and suggested that I move out. I declined because I’m also on the lease and don’t think it’s fair for me to leave just because I disagree with this rule.

TL;DR: My roommates want to use an extra lock every night that can’t be opened from the outside with a key. If I tell them I’m staying elsewhere but change my mind in the middle of the night, I can’t get into my apartment until they wake up. They expect me to update them daily on whether I’m coming home, but I believe I should have unrestricted access to my own home without reporting my whereabouts. I also stopped sharing my location after overhearing them discuss it multiple times a day. I’ve suggested other security measures, but they insist this is the only solution and have even told me I should move out. Am I in the wrong for refusing to accept this arrangement?

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u/tammythrow111 — 4 days ago
▲ 1 r/roommateproblems+1 crossposts

[FL] Overheard my landlord's daughter badmouthing me, said something offensive about my background. Would love outside opinions.

I'm subletting a room in a shared house for the summer, found through a private rental listing, not an agency. Nowhere during our conversations before I moved in was I told that the owner's adult daughter (mid-30s) actually lives on the property full-time and manages it day-to-day while her parents travel. I only found this out after arriving.

For context, I'm not new to shared living, I've done house shares before and generally keep to myself. I mostly stay in my room, only use the kitchen about twice a day, and try to be as low-impact as possible as a guest in someone else's home.

When I arrived, the room hadn't been cleaned properly, there was noticeable hair in the bed and sink. I mentioned it to the daughter, and she brushed it off, claiming the hair was hers from cleaning. I wasn't convinced, so I raised it with her father directly. When I brought it up, he said he was "privy to this" and knew exactly what I was talking about, which felt like an implicit acknowledgment that he's aware of how she can be, without him actually saying that outright. He took it seriously, apologized, and had the whole place professionally cleaned within a day or two.

After that, things actually seemed to improve. The daughter and I talked for a while one evening, she shared a lot about herself, and the conversation felt cordial, even friendly. She suggested we connect on social media (I didn't take her up on it). I kept things pleasant but didn't overshare in return.

She offered to let me use a desk and chair in an empty room next to mine, said I could use it anytime, and she'd only ask me to step out if there was a showing (the house is on the market). I used it for about a week. Then I saw she'd had it moved, along with my laptop still on it, to prep for a showing. I messaged her asking if I should relocate or use a smaller table in my own room instead. She said it was totally my choice, no pressure either way.
Shortly after, I messaged her father directly asking to move a small desk into my own bedroom permanently. Before he replied, I happened to overhear her arguing with him about it through a window (she didn't know I could hear). What she said, as best as I can recall, word for word where I'm certain: that I "know she's the only one on the property," that other people had wanted my room before me (she listed them by name), that they'd "already done more than enough" for me. When he pushed back citing an upcoming showing that needed my cooperation, she responded dismissively, something like "so what, it's one showing, it's ten minutes, big deal." She then made a comment about my ethnic background, saying something to the effect of "I know these [ethnicity], they're polite to your face but difficult behind your back," implying I was outwardly pleasant but secretly difficult or untrustworthy because of where I'm from. And this, exactly: "Can't wait to see how the rest of the month goes, can't wait for her to go away."

Her father, from what I could hear, was the one actually pushing back and defending the accommodation. Shortly after, he messaged me himself, warmly, declining the desk request but offering an alternative table from storage, no mention of any tension.

Since then, she's been cold and short with me, barely speaking, while he's continued to be consistently warm, at one point calling me "an angel" for cooperating with a showing (I had to temporarily relocate my cat and leave the house for an hour). Honestly, at this point I suspect he's overcompensating with kindness because he knows she's difficult, almost like he's trying to make up for her behavior without directly addressing it. That's just my theory though.

I'll admit, this whole thing has made me more self-conscious than I already tend to be, second-guessing small interactions, wondering if I'm imagining tension that isn't there, that kind of thing.

So, what do you guys have to say about this? Should I continue living here, and how should I handle the rest of my stay?

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u/TechnicalCream2206 — 3 days ago

AITA for reporting my roommate to our landlord after she turned our living room into a paid study space?

Me (25F) and my roommate (24F) have been living together in a 2-bedr apartment for about a year. Not really friends, just two people splitting rent who get along fine.

It started innocently. She asked if a few classmates could study in the living room sometimes, I said sure, I'm never home in the evenings anyway. But it didn't stay "a few classmates." At some point, and I honestly couldn't tell you exactly when, it just became a fixed thing. I'd get home from uni/work and there'd already be people on my couch with their laptops open and bags all over the floor. There were literally moments where I stood outside of my door hesitating before going in, which is kind of insane to thinking about now. So I said something to her. Told her it was getting too much, that she needed to check with me first. She said sorry, and actually kept it smaller for about a week. Then it just slid right back to normal like that conversation never happened. Except now people weren't even asking her anymore, they'd just show up, sometimes before she was even home from class herself.

Then came the day that really broke it for me. I got home early and walked straight into a full session, like eight people, snacks laid out, someone had a speaker blasting. I asked one girl what was going on and she goes, super casual, "oh it's (my roommates name)'s study group, it's five euros for each session." That was the actual first time I'd heard anything about money.

I confronted her that night and expected her to at least get why I was upset, but nope. Completely unbothered. Said she's not "really" profiting, just covering coffee/printing/snacks and that it helps her rent, and that I barely use the living room during those hours anyway so what's the big deal as long as it's not left trashed. But that was never the point. She'd built this whole organized, paid thing in OUR shared space without ever asking me if i'm okay with it, and somehow I'd become a guest in my own apartment.

In that same conversation I told her to stop, she agreed and said she would. But then it just started up again. Smaller, but still clearly organized. And then I actually saw people paying her through their phones, right there in our living room. That's when it stopped feeling like a misunderstanding. Told her again, full stop, not smaller. She said she'd break it down after the exam season because she'd already told everyone.

So I emailed the landlord. I explained everything and that the living room was being used regularly for paid study sessions without my consent. After that it all happened pretty fast, she got a breach notice and was out within like two weeks.

People have mixed rreactions when I tell them this story. Some say I did the right thing, she had three chances and blew all of them. Others say I overreacted, nobody got hurt, it's not like she was throwing big parties, and I wasn't even home most of the time anyway. Still don't know honestly.

I want to know your opinions on this one, AITA?

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u/DependentFamiliar778 — 4 days ago

How would you respond?

My roommate is smoking in the apartment. They’ve been called on it before (by my other roommate, who has asthma). I’m chronically ill, and this is a real problem for me. When I brought it up this morning, this was their response. Other roommate and landlord are saying nothing, and offering no support or back up. I’m trying to move, but can’t afford it. Trying to survive with some agency in the meantime.

u/Critical-Mousse-1495 — 4 days ago