Roommate always has their partner over, how do we broach the situation?
I would like help in approaching the issue at hand. I live in a shared apartment with 2 other people. Apologies for my lack of etiquette, this is my first time posting on Reddit ever.
I have a roommate (Roommate A) who always has their partner over, a couple of weeks ago after, counting, the partner had been over 11 times within a 2 week period, and had slept over for 4+ days consecutively. Most of the time we would not know that the partner was coming over/ sleeping over until they were walking through the door. We began to become extremely frustrated as the roommate would give prior warning when other friends would come/sleep over but not their partner.
The first time we talked to roommate was brief, but we got to the point and asked for a more prominent heads up. However, after having this talk it seemed that Roommate A completely forgot immediately after and we were given extremely last minute notice.
There have also been instances were partner was in the house and roommate was not, and in these cases me or Roommate B were responsible for either letting their partner in, or locking the door when they left (as we found out they would leave after roommate A went to work.)
We also recently found out that even though partner has a home 20 minutes away from us, they work in the plaza next door. Said plaza is quite literally a 5 minute walk away, and we found out that the partner has lowkey been sleeping over for that convenience.
We came together and talked to roommate once more very recently. In this conversation we pointed out that the partner had been over a lot, and that we rarely saw roommate, even going as far to say we see partner more than roommate. We also pointed out that we would appreciate much more of a heads up in advance. Roommate A seemed to take this conversation very well and inquired if we wanted to set strict timeframes for when the partner could come over. Roommate B and I declined as we thought it would not be fair given that we ourselves would rarely have anybody coming over in the near future who such rules would apply to. We also both think that this is just a matter of common sense and courtesy so we thought it would just be a dumb action to take.
It has been a week since we had that conversation, and the partner has been over five times this week and slept over twice, we still have also not had a chance to hang out with roommate A even after inviting them to watch tv with us or just hang out in our shared spaces multiple times this week. In Roommate A’s defense we have gotten a heads up more than we did in the past, however there were still times when it was still forgotten.
We want to ask for advice because it is getting to the point where we are beginning to become a bit bitter towards roommate A and their partner. Especially because at the very beginning of our living arrangement, Roommate A very clearly stated that they did not want their partner to be over all the time. We do not have an issue with the partner, but we just truly miss seeing our friend and would like to sometimes hang with them and overall just have our space to ourselves.
Do you all think that setting timeframes is our only saving grace? If you guys have any other advice please give it to us.
EDIT: For clarification, in truth we are more upset at the principle of the situation at hand than the actual people. It just sucks because Roommate A was previously in a living arrangement similar to ours where their roommate’s disregarded Roommate A’s feelings/shared space by constantly having their own partner over. Since then roommate A has shared their negative feelings with us about that prior living arrangement explicitly. So in our eyes we just find it a bit confusing that they do not see it in the same light as us. In the rare occasion when it is the three of us roommate A will invite their partner over last minute or is never truly present unless they are able to relate the situation at hand to their partner. ( And then they may go off to hang out alone.)
TLDR: Apartment with 3 people, one roommate always has their partner over even though they told us they would not. We miss seeing our roommate, how should we approach the conversation for the (lowkey) 4th time.