AITA for wanting to change a rule we made 5 months ago?
My boyfriend and I moved in together about 5 months ago after dating for a year. I have a 13-year-old dog who has always slept with me. Before we moved in together, my boyfriend knew how attached I am to my dog and knew she slept in my bed.
When we moved in together, we made it a rule that she couldn’t be in our bedroom because he can’t deal with pet hair and doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping with a dog in the room because of her snort style breathing and also she sometimes pees on rugs and he has a really expensive rug we put in there. I ultimately agreed because I didn’t want him to be uncomfortable, and I honestly thought I could handle it. I thought I’d eventually get used to her sleeping outside the bedroom. I told myself his OCD and anxiety is worse than mine.
Five months later, I haven’t gotten used to it. I’m actually miserable about it. Sometimes I sleep in the spare room with my dog, but that’s not what I want either. I don’t want to sleep separately from my boyfriend. I want to sleep with both of them.
Last night I actually had a nightmare about it. In the dream it was my birthday and I was begging him to let my dog sleep with us, and he finally agreed, but then did something cruel to punish me for wanting her there. In the dream he poured a bucket of fleas and ticks on us to teach me a lesson about how dogs are dirty. I woke up really upset and realized how much this has been bothering me. I know it was just a dream but it felt real.
My dog is 13 now, and that’s making this feel more urgent. I’m scared about how much time I have left with her, and I don’t want to spend the last years of her life wishing I could have cuddled with her at night.
My boyfriend’s argument is that the pet hair makes him uncomfortable and that it’s not fair for his comfort to be disregarded. I understand that. I don’t think his feelings are invalid. But I feel like my feelings are being treated as something I should just get over because I agreed to the rule.
He also says that my dog has already adjusted. She’s perfectly capable of sleeping outside the bedroom with out crying, and sometimes when I sleep in the spare room she doesn’t even come sleep with me. I agree that she’s adjusted. This isn’t about my dog being unable to cope. It’s about me wanting to spend this time with her.
I feel guilty because I DID agree to the rule. I don’t want to be someone who changes the rules after moving in together and expects my partner to just accept it. But I also feel like I made the decision based on thinking his discomfort would be worse than mine, and I was wrong. I didn’t know I’d still be this unhappy five months later.
I don’t want to break up over this. I love him. I just don’t know if it’s reasonable to say, “I tried this for five months and I can’t do it anymore. Can we renegotiate?”
So, AITA for wanting to change my mind five months after agreeing that my dog wouldn’t be allowed in the bedroom?