r/etiquette

My friend’s two small children were invited to a birthday party. Uncharacteristically for a children’s party, the invitation emphatically said “absolutely no gifts.”

Well, they were the only ones to turn up without a gift, and my friend was upset and said he felt like a jerk.

For what it’s worth, the birthday girl was Muslim. I said maybe they had a religious objection to birthday gifts. I told him he was right; he had obeyed the instructions. Your take?

Is it expected to give up your seat so a group can sit down together, if they don’t otherwise meet the typical characteristics of someone you’re supposed to get up for (elderly, disabled, pregnant, etc.)?

For example you’re seated on an otherwise empty row of three seats, a group of three gets on and two of them plop down on the two unoccupied seats next to you.

Edited to add context: it’s not something that had ever occurred to me before but the “expectant” body language of the group I encountered on the bus this morning made me wonder. All four of us appeared to be around the same age/gender, if that affects things. There were no other empty seats other than the ones in front reserved for those who need them.

Hi everyone!

I stayed at the house of some family friends (a young married couple) for three nights. My family has known them for almost 8 years, and my older sister is really good friends with the wife. I’m an education major in my senior year, and I was planning to be in town checking out school districts in the area and observing with various teachers. They told me I was welcome to stay there, but they admitted that they wouldn’t be very good hosts and it would “just be a place to sleep and shower.”

I did offer to take them to dinner one night I was staying there in my original text, but I typically got home later and they were finishing up eating or just sitting down. Tonight’s the last night I’m staying and I’m leaving tomorrow.

I feel really terrible. I was thinking of getting some flowers or something as a thank you, but I’m not entirely sure. They’re both very outdoorsy and the husband likes to cook, so maybe something more personal in this case?

Please advise!

I went to a bar on Friday with my mother to shoot pool and have a few drinks, and ended up shooting doubles with a man and his uncle (51M and 63M). I didn't think the younger one was flirting with me at all, we were just shooting pool and talking about work. I came in to work this morning to find a LARGE bouquet of flowers that was delivered that morning, ordered by that man with a card including his phone number. I am not interested in him, and am a little unsettled that he went out of his way to order this expensive bouquet to my workplace when we didn't even exchange phone numbers.

My mother thinks I'm being rude to not respond, but my coworkers think it's better for him to not have my phone number. He seemed a little socially awkward, but harmless- but I guess that's how it always starts. Just looking for other opinions.

I have close family members who come to stay with us, and it’s not unusual for them to stay for months at a time. They’re usually here for 2–3 months, sometimes longer. They’re family, and I love them, so I’m not talking about disliking them or not wanting them to visit.

But honestly, I find it really difficult when the stays are this long.

I love my family, I really do, but I can't understand why they think it's okay to stay for such extended periods of time. I know they're family, but I can't for the life of me comprehend the concept of practically moving into someone else's home for months at a time and taking over their space.

I can't imagine overstaying my welcome at someone else's place, and it's not like they're from abroad and need a place to stay. They're a 45-minute to an hours max drive away

They’re currently staying with us and have been here for about a month. They came during August, which is normally our summer vacation, and this has basically changed the entire way we use our home. I can’t really watch TV or play games because that’s what they use, I don’t feel comfortable cooking whatever I want, I can’t invite friends over, and I’ve basically ended up staying in my room a lot because it’s the only private space I have. Obviously, feeding several extra people for weeks is expensive, too. It gets so bad to the point where we have to find an excuse for them to go back home like renovations or a trip

I wouldn't mind nearly as much if they came in the middle of the year, but why come during a time when you know everyone's on vacation? 😭

I just feel like my whole summer is ruined, so there's no point anymore ): I just stay in my room all day because everything is too crowded, and I'm not used to living with this many people. It's always just been two people max in the same space at home.

Are long stays like this considered completely normal, even if the hosts are exhausted by them? Or do other families also find it frustrating when relatives stay for weeks/months?

I’m genuinely curious because I feel guilty for being annoyed. I love my family, and I’m happy to see them, but at the same time, I really miss having my house, routine, and privacy back.

I'm attending a relative's wedding early next year. They and their fiancee are primarily asking for monetary gifts on the registry, but I'm not sure what amount/range is appropriate.

Some factors:

1. I'm in the extended family

2. I am only invited to the reception, not the ceremony (the ceremony is immediate family only)

3. I'm bringing a guest but it is my long term partner who was included as a guest on the invitation rather than as a +1

4. No I don't know how much they're spending per guest

I think my situation is fairly straightforward, I just don’t want to come across as rude. Thank you for your patience in helping me work this out.

My aunt’s husband (my uncle) passed away in his late 80s. I didn’t really like the guy, but I feel badly for my aunt and the pain and suffering and grief that she is going through now so I wanted to send her my condolences in a card.

A separate fact is that I’m married and she’s never met my husband. That’s not intentional — our lives just haven’t overlapped since the passing of my father (my aunt’s brother).

When I send my condolences in a card, should it be from just me, or me and my spouse?

ETA: I definitely AM sending the card, I just needed clarification from my fellow etiquette experts on how to sign it. My apologies if that wasn’t clear.

I was just informed that my coworker's spouse passed away unexpectedly last night. This is horrible news, I feel terrible for my coworker. I only met her husband a few times, but he was always lovely and kind.

What is tricky about this scenario is that I transitioned to being a remote worker recently, so I do not see this coworker daily/in the office. I will however be visiting the office in 2 weeks to work on some projects.

When is an appropriate time to reach out to her? This JUST happened, I want to give her space and time. Is it more appropriate if I say something when I see her in 2 weeks? Maybe write a note that she can read in private?

Also worth mentioning - we are not super close. We have a great working relationship, have travelled for work together, and I adore her, but I am definitely not in her inner circle.

She and her husband are such a great team - they have one kid together and they are such a close, creative family. This is shocking and devastating news.

Wedding speeches used to consist of short toasts by the best man and maid of honor. No more than a couple minutes. Now they're long letters by the best man, the maid of honor, the parents, the groom, and whoever else.

While they contain very nice sentiments, quite frankly, they become arduous. We once attended a wedding at which the groom talked about each one of his groomsmen (6 total), his mom and dad, his new wife... and on and on. It's nice to honor people but the wedding families assume that their guests want to sit and listen to what interests only the wedding party and families for who knows how long.
What happened to short, sweet, consise, and polite?
I know not all weddings and not all people are like this. But I just want to suggest that while the guests are there to celebrate the couple, their time should be considered.

I’m a first time poster to this sub, grateful to have you all as a resource!

My partner and I are expecting our first baby next week. We have been fortunate to have two baby showers, tons of support, and nearly everything from our registry has been gifted to us.

A couple days ago, we received a gift in the mail from his ex’s family, all of whom he’s still in contact and on good terms with. One of the gifts is a neat diaper bag that was not on our registry but is an object we look forward to using. The issue is that the neutral color they chose for us is not something I see myself wearing. In fact, it happens to be a color/material combo that I really dislike and avoid as a rule.

So the question is, is it impolite to use the gift receipts included in the package to exchange it for another color? He’s on the fence. He really doesn’t want to risk being rude. We both agree it’s a sweet gesture that they sent us anything at all, and he likes being on good terms. I am on the side that it’s not impolite. It’s complementary to them that we like, keep and use the off-registry item, and all the better if we exchange it for a color that we’re more likely to get use out of. I identify as a stylish dresser, and putting looks together again postpartum is something I’ve been looking forward to, so I can acknowledge that this may carry more of an emotional charge for me than the average person. I really want to make sure I’m not rationalizing my pov.

Thanks for any input!

I was taught that the rules are as follows:

1. The person being celebrated gets to post first.

2. If you want to post and the person who was celebrated hasn't posted yet, you need to ask permission before posting.

Please tell me what you think. What is the etiquette you know? Is there anything else I should be aware of? Am I wrong about posting etiquette?

I will appreciate any and all opinions.

I hope you have a great day everyone and thank you for taking the time to reply. 😊

We had a large first birthday party for my daughter and we were very loose with the guest list, inviting a range of very close friends to recent parent friends we have made. It seems there has been a shift and people are not doing large first birthdays anymore. None of the parent friends we invited to our daughter’s party (who brought us gifts) have had a birthday party for their kid.

What is the gift giving etiquette here? If they gave me a gift for my daughter I assume I make sure to give one for their child even though there is not a party invite, right?

In the case of a wedding — people who I invited to my wedding but then didn’t invite me to theirs, I did not send a gift. Unsure if this was wrong?

We have in all instances still sent a gift for kids birthdays but I worry that maybe I have different definition of friend than others as you can see this is a theme in both wedding and birthday party invites. My husband and I love gift giving and community building but I also don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable by sending gifts if they’re trying to signal to me they don’t see us as that close of friends.

Hope this makes sense and look forward to the advice.

I went to a wedding last night and want to post some pictures on my Instagram story. I've heard that proper etiquette is not to post pictures until the bride and groom post their own, because they want to control how people see their wedding, which I understand. Would this apply to Instagram stories as well, where the posts would disappear after 24 hours? I'm not going to make a permanent post on my page until they do, but I'm curious what the common thoughts are about Instagram stories.

I'm sure it's fine to post pictures of my friends and I that don't include the bride and groom, but there's a few pictures that I'm unsure about. One picture is of the groom and I at the after party, so not at the actual wedding. The other picture I'm unsure about is of the bride and groom being lifted up while sitting in their chairs.

For additional context, I'm friends with the groom but don't know the bride very well and don't have her on social media. The mother of the groom has already posted a picture of their dance, and the groom shared someone else's Instagram story of his and the bride's first dance. Other than these I haven't seen any posts from anyone else so far though.

Do you think it's fine to post the pictures I described on my Instagram story?

I am going to a very upscale wedding soon (think high end venue in a HCOL area, black tie, etc). So my question is do I still tip the bartenders at the cocktail hour/reception or would it not be fitting for the situation? Thank you for the insight and guidance!

I'm writing a eulogy for my grandmother and briefly mention me being under the influence for story context, we are christans but I feel like overall people would be fine with it? Also wondering if you say thank you at the end of a eulogy. Also if any writers would want to proof read what I wrote that's be appreciated!

I live downtown and have a friend who lives 10-15 min by car from me. She and her partner have a car. I don't have a car.
Is it good etiquette for me to pick a location for hanging out that is a 20-30 min walk for me and a 10 min drive for her?
I can also pick a location near her, but will have to Uber (which is ~13$ each way) or take public transport (7 min walk to subway, then taking a subway and then taking a bus - yeah, public transport in my city is awful - which ends up being ~45 min).

It's not a super close friend, so I don't feel like spending 20-25$ on Uber + whatever activity we are doing (buying coffee/movie ticket, etc).

TLDR; is it fair to ask a friend to meet me in an area that is a 10-min drive for her and only a 25 min walk for me?

-Two people in line at the produce store
-Single lane open.
-Person A has started unloading their cart onto the belt.
-Person B is behind them. Not on the belt
-Next lane opens and says next in line.

Who’s next in line? A or B?

How much should I gift my first cousin for their wedding?
My husband and I are currently in a difficult financial situation following his work accident. I’m also his caretaker while taking care of our three kids, so financially, things are very tight right now.
One of our children is in the wedding party, so we’ve already had to purchase a dress, shoes, and other things for her. We also live out of state and have to drive almost 400 miles to the wedding. We’re going a couple of days early for the rehearsal and wedding events.
Thankfully, we don’t have to pay for a hotel, but I did have to rent a car for the week because my car needed to go into the shop for repairs. So, altogether, five of us are traveling to the wedding: my husband and me, a toddler, a teenager, and our preteen who is part of the wedding party.
With all of the travel expenses, wedding-related expenses, and everything else we’re already spending, I’m not sure how much I should give as a wedding gift. I obviously want to give something thoughtful because this is my first cousin, but I also don’t want to put us in a worse financial position just to meet an expected gift amount.
What would be a reasonable amount to give in our situation?