r/etiquette

Please settle a debate. If a friend asks if you would like to get together for coffee, who sets the meeting time?

How do we feel about sending flowers to your significant other on their 1st day of office job?

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My son eloped and is having a reception this summer. The wedding will go from Friday to Sunday (rehearsal dinner, welcome bbq, reception, farewell picnic). I have some relatives that I’m pretty sure will not be able to attend because of logistics & health issues and that is fine & understandable . I don’t want to invite them because it just feels like a $ grab (they will feel obligated to send a gift) but I don’t want to offend anyone. What should I do?

Lets say I am trying to get their attention to ask if they are using a workout machine or something like that. Can I start off by saying "excuse me ladies, how many sets do you have left"?

My husband (32M) is a medical resident, and I (33F) am a medical student -- i.e. we're both living off of his meager salary at the moment, and don't have much disposable income. Husband's best friend CJ (33M) had a long-standing invite for us to visit with him and his soon-to-be-fiance (33F) at their apartment in Brooklyn, NYC. My husband has a vacation week coming up, and we thought doing this visit would be perfect -- we get to meet CJ's fiance, spend time with them, and it'll ease the costs for a vacation. CJ and his fiance happily agreed, and it's happening.

My question is what is an appropriate level gift to get them to express our gratitude for hosting us. They know we're not exactly making bank right now, and I want to be cognizant of that WHILE making sure our gift is appropriate and expressing our sincere thanks. I.e. I don't want to cheap out/take them for granted.

What would be a good amount to spend -- or even something good to get? Thank you in advance for all advice.

My cousin wants to grab breakfast before going to a museum. It will be me, her and her 3 year old daughter. They live in a 3M dollar home and I’m a nanny. Do I pay for what I order? Or can I reasonably expect her to cover?

I made Cinnabons for one of my classes and planned to give it to that specific class, but realized I would have extra ones so I decided I could give a Cinnabon to one of my teachers each, for this year. Do you recommend giving to my teachers of both semesters or only the current semester? Also I wanted to give some to specific teachers I had in the past as they were really kind and helped me, if I do that am I expected to give it to all my past high school teachers? I want to make sure I’m not coming off as rude.

Our neighbour in the cover of darkness (around 3am lol according to my security cameras) came and threw rubbish in my recycling bin.

Not any type of rubbish. Fking used nappies in MY recycling bin.

They have now contaminated our recycling.

I have reported them to the council

I’m also wanting to confront them.

In a nice way. What should I say to them?

I should add, that I pay for 2 rubbish bins to throw out my rubbish. Like seriously, pay for a second bin if you can’t fit your own rubbish

This is for my husband, as the issue is with his friend.

His friend Frank (45), helps financially support his parents, and lives in a motel with them. My husband has always tried to help him out since hes struggling financially— offering the kitchen to him, to pet sit, sleepover, etc. He even gave him a key. This worked fine when my husband lived alone, but now I live here too.

We’ve lived together for 2 years now, and although Frank helps with our pet sometimes, he’s become too comfortable in our home. I’m totally fine with guests grabbing snacks or drinks, but he goes through cabinets nobody uses and even found my hidden stash of “treat” snacks. I have to put notes around our own home on things saying "Frank, DONT TOUCH." He’s cooked and left dishes behind, unplugged my husband’s Xbox to hook up his own and leaves it there, and has unlocked our apartment door himself because he assumed plans without reading the cancellation texts from hours ago (and I was not fully dressed when he walked in since I didn't expect anyone).

Whenever I brought it up, my husband felt I was being selfish because he has such a big heart, so I dropped it. But we’re moving now, and my husband was still considering giving him a key to the new place.

Then two nights ago around 11pm, my husband realized our toothpaste was missing. Turns out Frank had used it and taken it home and his friend just said "oops- yea i may have taken it...". Since my husband was now the one inconvenienced (having to drive 15 minutes for toothpaste before bed), he finally understood what I meant by “too comfortable.”

Now he wants to talk to Frank kindly without hurting his feelings, but he struggles with setting boundaries with his friends cause he loves that his friends are comfortable enough-- just not too comfortable. How should he approach the conversation?

If you're a close or an old friend who comes over for a casual hangout (whether it lasts hours or days) and not some special occasion, doing the dishes you use seems reasonable to me. But is it good etiquette?

I’m in this tennis group and one of the girls DM’d me saying she’s having a little get together for her birthday at a bar and invited me. The thing is, we’re not really close 😭 we’ve never hung out outside of tennis and only really see each other when we play in a group, so I was honestly kinda surprised she invited me.

Am I expected to bring a gift?? I genuinely don’t know the etiquette for this lol

Edit: not sure if I was the only one invited in the tennis group

Edit 2: I'm a guy if it makes a difference

Hello, my husband is a social worker/ manager for individuals that are intellectually disabled. He was invited to a clients high school graduation recently. What would be considered a good gift or would one even be appropriate?

Things to know:

- we’re not attending the wedding due to it being out of town and us not being able to afford to go
- good friend of my husbands, but I’ve only met the couple once

Edit: they don’t have a registry

I book a summer concert series for my local park (sponsored by a neighborhood arts council). I was scrolling social media last night and saw an “In memoriam” for a man whose band is booked to play in the park this summer. My contact for booking the show was his wife, but my contract was with him.

How do I tactfully say, “I’m sorry for your loss, is the band still playing?” without sounding completely heartless and tactless? I’m sad that he passed away on a personal level. I also need to find out if I need to rebook that concert. He passed away approximately a month ago.

I have no idea how to even approach this. I don’t know any of the other band members, I only knew the singer/leader who passed away. Help.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now and am still running into new people he knows when we are out together. Old and current friends, coworkers, etc . However no one really acknowledges me and while they are catching up after greeting I stand there awkwardly the whole time. It doesn’t bother me much because I am not extroverted at all , but I am wondering if I should be introducing myself, boyfriend should be introducing me, or they should be introducing themselves to me? I’ve been greeted maybe twice out of the many people we’ve ran into. A few people we’ve ran into multiple times and I’ve been ignored every time. Just feels a little off to me.

This is probably a stupid question, but I haven’t been in this situation before so wanted to ask others who might know.

My SIL (husband’s sister) is getting married at the end of June. They are going out of state to get married. It will be just them, no friends or family (not judging this at all btw).

I know SIL has talked to my husband about having a party when they get back to celebrate their marriage, but there is no date for that yet.

I got an invite on FB to SIL’s bridal shower. Unfortunately, I can’t go as I already have plans for that day. In the invite, they are asking for money and/or gift cards.

I’m probably overthinking this but my question is : Do I still give a gift for the bridal shower if I’m unable to attend? Or save the gift for when they have their party? Or a gift for both?? Worried that if I don’t get a gift for the bridal shower and if they don’t have a party (still haven’t heard a thing if the party is happening or not) that I will look bad for not giving them a gift for the shower.

I’ve never been to a bridal party, so I didn’t know the etiquette. We were definitely planning on giving money for the party if/when it happens.

I know that nail clipping is generally frowned upon but today I saw an older man exfoliating his heel with a foot file. There was a mound of dead skin in the bench in the change room. Is this acceptable behaviour or not?