How do you tell your guest they are TOO comfortable in your home?
This is for my husband, as the issue is with his friend.
His friend Frank (45), helps financially support his parents, and lives in a motel with them. My husband has always tried to help him out since hes struggling financially— offering the kitchen to him, to pet sit, sleepover, etc. He even gave him a key. This worked fine when my husband lived alone, but now I live here too.
We’ve lived together for 2 years now, and although Frank helps with our pet sometimes, he’s become too comfortable in our home. I’m totally fine with guests grabbing snacks or drinks, but he goes through cabinets nobody uses and even found my hidden stash of “treat” snacks. I have to put notes around our own home on things saying "Frank, DONT TOUCH." He’s cooked and left dishes behind, unplugged my husband’s Xbox to hook up his own and leaves it there, and has unlocked our apartment door himself because he assumed plans without reading the cancellation texts from hours ago (and I was not fully dressed when he walked in since I didn't expect anyone).
Whenever I brought it up, my husband felt I was being selfish because he has such a big heart, so I dropped it. But we’re moving now, and my husband was still considering giving him a key to the new place.
Then two nights ago around 11pm, my husband realized our toothpaste was missing. Turns out Frank had used it and taken it home and his friend just said "oops- yea i may have taken it...". Since my husband was now the one inconvenienced (having to drive 15 minutes for toothpaste before bed), he finally understood what I meant by “too comfortable.”
Now he wants to talk to Frank kindly without hurting his feelings, but he struggles with setting boundaries with his friends cause he loves that his friends are comfortable enough-- just not too comfortable. How should he approach the conversation?