MIL admitted to my grandma she preferred my husband’s ex, but her aggressive niceness makes me second-guess going No Contact. Need advice.
My husband and I are considering going full No Contact with my mother-in-law, but I am struggling with guilt and second-guessing myself.
MIL constantly pushed an ex-girlfriend onto my husband before we met. Because the ex is cousins with my husband’s godmother, MIL used that connection to justify keeping her around. She got the ex a job at her workplace, kept a close relationship like phone calls, dinners, updating her on my husband and invited her to family events, including milestone partes after we were married, despite my husband begging her for years to stop.
MIL pursued an inappropriate secret friendship with my grandmother behind our backs despite family disapproval. When their dynamic soured, MIL aggressively hounded my aunt to reach my grandma, resulting in my elderly grandmother getting someone to block MIL's number.
After cutting MIL off, my grandma privately told me that MIL explicitly admitted she wished my husband had stayed with that ex instead of marrying me. My grandma pleaded that I don’t go to their home anymore for my own well being and to please not tell my husband or dad what was said. She also said that she envisioned a different life and woman for him which was the ex. My grandma never gets involved in my life to this extent and is not known to lie.
What makes this hard is that despite everything, my MIL is nice to me to the point of harassment like bombarding me with texts, pet names, gifts, stalking my social medias, following my friends on social media, befriending my dads family (my parents are divorced and she does not like my mother) and forced enthusiasm. This makes me maybe wish she didn’t say that and when boundaries are set, she uses aggressive sweetness.
I refuse to name my grandma or drag her into this, as MIL will cause a massive firestorm. But between the secret conversation and her constant boundary-crossing is it valid to go completely No Contact without giving an explanation? How do I get past the guilt of cutting off someone who weaponizes sweetness? What if my grandma misunderstood what she said?