I don’t want my in-laws to have anything to do with my son.
Ever since I started dating my boyfriend at 18, my MIL hasn’t liked me. I’m now 27 and I genuinely cannot stand them.
I’m not a super social person. I’m quiet and awkward until I can get comfortable with you. For years I was polite and tried my best to cultivate a good relationship with my in-laws. I decided in 2023 to stop being around them. This was due to his mother creating tension and arguments in our relationship because I didn’t go to church with them. I’m not religious, but I have been with them before. My boyfriend didn’t care if I went, but his mother was harassing him so much that he would get into arguments with me over not going. Eventually we got to the understanding that his mother was the issue and we got past those arguments. When I decided to pull away for a while it was because my father had cancer and she was telling my boyfriend that she was going to confront me. I didn’t have time for extra drama and stress so I decided I was done for now and kept my distance.
Since I was done trying, and we were helping my dad navigate things with his stage 4 cancer, we naturally pulled away from them. She took notice and decided to literally start crying to my boyfriend about how we didn’t have a better relationship. I thought this was ridiculous after many years of her disliking me for whatever petty reason she could think of when asked and naturally didn’t believe her. After a lot of harassment from both of his parents, my boyfriend told me he thought that she was being genuine. So I decided to send a text clearing the air. I laid out all the issues so that they were aware of what was wrong and could move forward doing better. I told them that I just needed space for a while but I appreciated that they were trying. His dad knew about the message. My bf proofread it. But when I sent it, shit hit the fan. I was called a narcissist and a whole bunch of other things. His dad called him and told him that was the worst thing I could’ve ever done. Then his mother cussed, yelled, and kicked him out of their house. When he returned to the house with a friend to collect his things, his mother tried to pretend nothing ever happened. He kept ignoring her which made her mad. They caused a scene in their yard, harassed the friend, and his dad tried to come outside and physically fight them both over lies his mother made up while my bf was loading things into his car.
At this point, I refused to be around them. My bf eventually forced an apology out of her for everything after she told him that her biggest mistake in life was having him. They used to talk but they definitely weren’t close. I did see them occasionally when it couldn’t be avoided and was always polite. I got pregnant in 2025 and since there hadn’t been any big issues with them, I decided that they could have a relationship with my son as long as they were respectful.
The first red flag was at Thanksgiving when we couldn’t be at 3 lunches at one time and he texted his mother trying to schedule a dinner the following day so we could still celebrate with them. She threw a fit about it and dinner never happened but she smiled in our faces like nothing happened when we should up to his other grandparents house. We decided to just let it go, but to me it just showed that things never changed for her. At this point, I let my boyfriend know that I never wanted to be alone with them while seeing the baby and they would never watch my child alone.
My son was born at the end of March at a hospital 2 hours away. We stayed there for about a week. My MIL posted our son’s birth announcement on facebook without saying a word to us. On the way home from the hospital, my FIL pulled up at my family’s house uninvited trying to figure out if they knew more about us coming home than they did. At his first doctor’s appointment, my MIL hadn’t even been invited to come meet him yet, but she worked near by and knew we had the appointment so she ambushed us in the Dr.’s office. In the two weeks we were home, she saw him 4 times. The third week was my bf’s first week back at home so we said no visitors because we wanted peace and to bond as a family. She pushed and pushed until we had to lay down a boundary that included the fact that we didn’t want people around him all the time because of germs.
The following Sunday, we decided to get out of the house and attend my grandmother’s weekly lunch. She went out of her way to drive by their house and send us an ugly text about us being there and that I need not text her again (referring to the boundary text). Maybe it was just my hormones, but I let her know that we tried to tell her nicely and what we did was none of her business. I let her know her stalking behavior was wrong and that I would be included in any and all communications/decisions regarding MY son whether she liked it or not. She proceeded to use the land we live (his grandma gifted him a couple acres) on to threaten me. I knew she would do this, which is why I created the rules I did for her before my son was born. There was more to it, but mostly between her and my boyfriend. His dad didn’t speak to him for a month and pulled up at my family’s house again after being asked not to several times. When confronted, he said “this is a free country. I can do what I want.” And bunch of other things making us out to be bitter, heartless monsters for wanting boundaries. My family did like him pulling up there either, but they’re non-confrontational and always too nice for their own good. Around the same time we found out that previously he had been telling people that went to church with them that I wouldn’t go and they wanted my bf to dump me.
We haven’t really spoken to them for months now and I don’t want to. I don’t want to participate in their fake BS and there is too much water under the bridge for me to forgive and forget. My bf may eventually speak to them again, but not without an apology. He agrees with me that they don’t deserve a relationship with our son, nor can they be trusted. A friend told us that might be taking things too far. The way I view it is that I didn’t have a relationship with them before, why would I now when they’ve proven how entitled and crazy they are.