FIL is a control freak
I've been with my partner for 2years and we recently moved in together. In laws have been divorced for a long time. MIL and her husband are absolute sweethearts. FIL on the other hand is... something. We don't see him often so I wasn't really bothered but lately I swear I want to punch him in the face. He questions every decision we make, especially when it involves money. He tries to insert himself and force us to take money from him. He has money alright. But my partner and I manage just fine (I'm not working full time yet so we are not upper class or whatever but we get by just fine).
Some examples. My partner got a nice opportunity to buy something normally expensive second-handed, cheaper than market value. He told FIL proudly. FIL shot him down and said it wasn't a smart move financially and we should wait on the purchase and he can help with giving us money later on. Like excuse me wtf ? We're not asking permission, we already made the purchase after carefully thinking about it for months. Mind you we were buying from someone on my family's side so we trust them and the item was almost brand new.
Today I texted FIL bc I wanted to surprise my partner for his upcoming birthday and wanted to know if he wanted to participate. To sum it up, partner currently has a meaningful number on his license plates, a gift from FIL. As we moved in a different region, he has to change the plates and it means loosing the special number. I wanted to try and find the same number for the new plates. This can get a bit expensive but it's a birthday gift and my family was even willing to pitch in. I asked FIL bc the car is currently in his name and as he made the previous plates purchase, I wanted to be nice and include him. He completely shot down my idea, implying I wasn't financially responsible, explained to me what was needed for the insurance like I was an idiot and then ended with "but if this is what my son wants I'll participate". I was fuming.
These are just the most recent examples but I'm starting to get pissed. I always said I'd respect my in-laws bc I love my partner but FIL is making it difficult. He always has to be right and everyone has to obey. His way is always the right way. This does not fly with me. We're almost 30 and I will not have some random dude tell me how to live my life and take care of my finances, especially when we are being careful and thoughtful. We never asked for money from him.
I honestly don't know how to navigate this. My partner does not know about the plates thing and I'm wondering whether I should tell them bc they might feel I have resentment towards FIL for no reason... anyone in a similar situation ? How do you deal with a financially controlling in-law?