u/Foreign-Recipe8617

I’m just so done and I don’t know what else to do so honestly asking for advice cause I feel I’ve done what I can without really losing it at this point.

If you fancy reading my other posts feel free but the highlights as :
Been with DH 4 years

Have a 3 year old son and currently pregnant with our second.

Have gone no contact with MIL due to incredible disrespect, boundary crossing and negative comments.

So last post I made me and my DH had an argument about him lying about a canvas and him basically saying how he thinks I’m trying to get him to cut off his mum which I truly and honestly am not, I just don’t want to enable her behaviour anymore. We talked it out, I very, VERY clearly explained how I feel dismissed and how I feel like he allows her to disrespect me and I should put up with it anymore to which he some what agreed but also said his mum is just isolated, doesn’t get what she says is hurtful blah blah blah which I then said I am not enabling that type of behaviour towards me. I digress..

Also as of recently my DH gran has started with the comments which she has never been like this with me before. I feel like it’s because I have stood up to her daughter and she doesn’t like that. But we have always had a good relationship until recently. After I cut contact with MIL she essentially told me off in my own home then proceeded to agree with my points after actually listening but again, she herself has started with commenting on my pregnancy, my parenting etc.

So today, I got the bus with my son and MIL was there. Very awkward but whatever. MIL proceeded to talk through my son and be passive aggressive “I never see you anymore” “I got you loads of new toys at nanas so daddy will have to bring you round” to which i ignored mostly cause I think she was looking for a reaction. As she continued to talk through my son I was polite enough and was replying but I was being ignored with is fine by me. Very immature behaviour.
After this DH gran called and all was fine and then she said MIL told her I ignored her on the bus which I said I didn’t. She then said she didn’t like how my DH spoke to MIL like a week ago about something I knew very little about. All I knew was that they argued because DH was stressed about our sons behaviour and she made comments to which he stated facts of we have no help so it’s stressful. I see no problem with that statement. To which I told his gran I agree with him. She said she also would have never watched our son if he was acting up (she has never been asked or has watched our son) which irritated me.
She then began commenting on my parenting that I’m too soft, I should LOCK MY SON IN THE GARDEN if he misbehaves and I shouldn’t keep buying him things or giving in when he’s naughty. I must say, I am a firm but fair parent. I do not give in easy and I don’t always buy him things, I will buy him things if he’s done well in nursery or treat him when I can but it’s not like I buy him everything and anything regardless of his behaviour. Also she hasn’t seen my son in 3 weeks and lives 10 min drive away so she never sees my parenting. I told her he has time out but I am NOT going to lock him in the garden if he’s naughty. He gets time out, we cool down and then we talk about behaviour to the best of what he understands.

I shouldnt have to justify my parenting or anything else to anyone else and I am now kind of crapping bringing this up with DH because I don’t want to seem like I’m causing issues but they are literally relentless at this point. I don’t want to keep having the same fight with DH but nothing really changes. He may have a word or he may not but the behaviour continues and like I said, his gran is now starting with it which she never really used to do. It feels like because I stood up for myself they don’t like it and I don’t want to be portrayed as this two faced b*tch but I also don’t want to be walked all over again and again. I’m literally 3 weeks from giving birth like can’t people give it a rest.

I’m just so done and I don’t know what else to do so honestly asking for advice cause I feel I’ve done what I can without really losing it at this point.

If you fancy reading my other posts feel free but the highlights as :
Been with DH 4 years

Have a 3 year old son and currently pregnant with our second.

Have gone no contact with MIL due to incredible disrespect, boundary crossing and negative comments.

So last post I made me and my DH had an argument about him lying about a canvas and him basically saying how he thinks I’m trying to get him to cut off his mum which I truly and honestly am not, I just don’t want to enable her behaviour anymore. We talked it out, I very, VERY clearly explained how I feel dismissed and how I feel like he allows her to disrespect me and I should put up with it anymore to which he some what agreed but also said his mum is just isolated, doesn’t get what she says is hurtful blah blah blah which I then said I am not enabling that type of behaviour towards me. I digress..

Also as of recently my DH gran has started with the comments which she has never been like this with me before. I feel like it’s because I have stood up to her daughter and she doesn’t like that. But we have always had a good relationship until recently. After I cut contact with MIL she essentially told me off in my own home then proceeded to agree with my points after actually listening but again, she herself has started with commenting on my pregnancy, my parenting etc.

So today, I got the bus with my son and MIL was there. Very awkward but whatever. MIL proceeded to talk through my son and be passive aggressive “I never see you anymore” “I got you loads of new toys at nanas so daddy will have to bring you round” to which i ignored mostly cause I think she was looking for a reaction. As she continued to talk through my son I was polite enough and was replying but I was being ignored with is fine by me. Very immature behaviour.
After this DH gran called and all was fine and then she said MIL told her I ignored her on the bus which I said I didn’t. She then said she didn’t like how my DH spoke to MIL like a week ago about something I knew very little about. All I knew was that they argued because DH was stressed about our sons behaviour and she made comments to which he stated facts of we have no help so it’s stressful. I see no problem with that statement. To which I told his gran I agree with him. She said she also would have never watched our son if he was acting up (she has never been asked or has watched our son) which irritated me.
She then began commenting on my parenting that I’m too soft, I should LOCK MY SON IN THE GARDEN if he misbehaves and I shouldn’t keep buying him things or giving in when he’s naughty. I must say, I am a firm but fair parent. I do not give in easy and I don’t always buy him things, I will buy him things if he’s done well in nursery or treat him when I can but it’s not like I buy him everything and anything regardless of his behaviour. Also she hasn’t seen my son in 3 weeks and lives 10 min drive away so she never sees my parenting. I told her he has time out but I am NOT going to lock him in the garden if he’s naughty. He gets time out, we cool down and then we talk about behaviour to the best of what he understands.

I shouldnt have to justify my parenting or anything else to anyone else and I am now kind of crapping bringing this up with DH because I don’t want to seem like I’m causing issues but they are literally relentless at this point. I don’t want to keep having the same fight with DH but nothing really changes. He may have a word or he may not but the behaviour continues and like I said, his gran is now starting with it which she never really used to do. It feels like because I stood up for myself they don’t like it and I don’t want to be portrayed as this two faced b*tch but I also don’t want to be walked all over again and again. I’m literally 3 weeks from giving birth like can’t people give it a rest.

So I have a history of mental health problems. I was diagnosed with BPD, PTSD and reactive depression in 2021. Was prescribed mirtazapine and it really helped me along side therapy and DBT. When I got pregnant with my son in 2022 I stopped taking it as I was concerned about the health risks and I have honestly been so fine throughout that pregnancy and postpartum.
I am now pregnant with my second baby, a girl, and I have been horrendously depressed. Not to the crisis level where I want to do anything but I feel so alone, I feel I have a lot of trauma I didn’t deal with from my last pregnancy (losing friends, not a lot of support), trauma from that birth (emergency caesarean) and honestly losing all my family that I don’t think I dealt with (5 family members passed away within 5 years all within 2 years of each other). I also haven’t had a lot of support this pregnancy, as in laws have treated me horribly, my partner works so much so not a lot of childcare help and my son in very much a threenager now and while having a bad pregnancy too it’s all a bit too much.
My consultant thinks it’s a good idea to go back on mirtazapine and try through the CMHT and get some therapy which I’m excited for the therapy as it really benefits me.
I was just curious if anyone else was prescribed this late in pregnancy and what their experience was as I feel quite concerned after reading more into it. I just don’t want anything to affect my baby, I feel confident enough to take PP but as it takes 4-6 weeks to kick in anyway will it actually affect my baby?

So a bit of backstory… me and my DH have been together 4 years now. We had our son very early in our relationship like I’m talking found out I was pregnant a month in. Took it slow despite me being pregnant (lol) because I wanted him to be with me for me and not because we were having a child.
Got on with my MIL great in the beginning and me and my DH have a great relationship.
My relationship with MIL changed after I had our som. It was like my son was just an extension of her rather than my son, like I was the surrogate essentially. Comments started e.g “oh he looks just like DH, can’t see any of you in him” and criticised any parenting decisions we made like no chocolate before he was 1 or if he was ill with a cold the doctors/health visitors were wrong and I needed a second/third opinion.
I also didn’t want a newborn photo shoot as I enjoy photography myself and personally I didn’t want a stranger touching my child. Lead to a huge argument and I caved. That was my first mistake.
Over the years the comments have got worse, passive aggressiveness got worse and every time I brought something up, I was the bad guy or being controlling etc.
I literally have 3 things I ask for which are :
-please ask before buying big things as it’s not really a help, it’s a hinderance e.g she bought us a new couch cause she didn’t like the one we had. A new mattress because of got knows what even though the one we had was an orthopaedic one for my back that was less than a year old etc.
-please don’t buy gifts addressed from my son as that is my job as his mother. She literally would buy my DH Father’s Day gifts, addressed from my son.
- don’t make comments on our parenting choices. Don’t have to like them but have to respect them.

Apparently this was too much to ask. The last time she visited she immediately said “ I was rushing around trying to find DH Father’s Day gifts off *my son* but realised it’s next week haha” so in the 4 years of me asking her not to do those things she immediately said that. Also I’m pregnant with my second and she hates the name we chose, was actually DH idea but I don’t think she thinks that. And again, on this visit said “so it “…” really the name you’re sticking with?” And I had enough.

Over the years I’ve learned to only bring things up to her via text as she twists what I say to make me out to be the bad guy so I have physical proof whenever she tried to twist things. Another example of this is she took my son to the toilet but he didn’t make it in time so I said “ let mama know when you need to toilet “ and that’s me calling her a pedo apparently.
So after the last visit I text her reminding her not to get gifts addressed off my son, thanked her for dinner and she started saying personally target her and she “sees right though” me etc so I snapped saying she uses her mental health to get everyone to do whatever she wants and I’m not standing for it anymore. Asked for very simple things and if that’s “seeing right through me” she can think I’m this bad guy all she wants.

I have now blocked her from contacting me as that was the third time she’s spoke to me that way excluding all the passive aggressive comments etc. I let my DH take our son to see her unless he says he doesn’t want to see her and in all fairness it’s his family so he can provide the communication, not me.

So the reason I’m asking if I’m overthinking things is my DH brought home a canvas for my sons room, lied to me about where he got it so I straight up asked him “did your mum get it for him?” And he said yes, and that he lied because he didn’t want the aggro. I’m now fuming as why you lying to me about that, again explained it’s only big things I want her to ask before buying, not pictures or teddies or clothes or whatever. If she wants to buy him small things etc I really don’t care, just again, bought him a 3 ft race track that my son doesn’t even play with which also takes up a lot in his room. Like I really don’t think I’m being unreasonable here, I’m just done with being disrespected, dismissed and walked over by his mum. That is the only reason I’ve blocked her.

Ranting but don’t know if I’m over reacting. So in my previous post I explained the current situation with my MIL constantly making comments about everything, ignoring my boundaries in regard to gifts and basically ignoring everything I say in regard to my child.
I calmly and respectfully asked her again not to get gifts from my son to other people as I feel that’s really stepping on my toes as my son’s mother. Again, for the 8th time, she’s took it as an attack and this is now the 3rd time she’s rudely and disrespectfully spoke to me saying she “sees right through me” after bringing up our issues. She’s told me before that is only my way or no way etc which is not the case. I have repeatedly for the past 3 out of my 4 year relationship with my partner been compromising myself to keep the peace and I’ve had enough now.
I had ANOTHER conversation with my partner about my feelings and needs in regard to our relationship and how his mother treats me. He doesn’t know what to do, I said he is entitled to form his own opinion as a man but what I don’t accept is the way I’m being spoke to and about from his mum. I need him to have my back and us to be a team but he’s really apprehensive as his mum has mental health issues and is alone ( which she won’t get help for and she’s alone because of her own doing) and I’ve told him I am not enabling her behaviour like everyone else does.
My partners nan has come over and also basically told me off for snapping at my partners mum, bearing in mind i kept saying how I feel disrespected, unheard and dismissed and I’ve had to now block my MIL because I can’t for my own sanity deal with it all especially considering I’m pregnant with my second. The stress is not good for me and the baby. After me explaining to my partners nan she ended up agreeing stating “this is why no one wants to be around her” while then still enabling her behaviour and because I’m having another child I should be the bigger person.
This is really affecting me now. I don’t know if I’ve overreacted but I also feel like I’ve repeatedly for years tried to address my issues multiple ways respectfully and now because I’ve snapped I’m in the wrong. I tried doing it face to face, I have limited my contact, I have only been around her while other people were there as she was a lot worse when we were alone and now I do it over messages so I have proof not only when she spins a narrative that I’m attacking but so I know for my own sake I really haven’t attacked, I’ve addressed my issues calmly (with the exception of this recent event).
I don’t know what else I can do and I’m terrified having my second as I don’t want to be around her at all but I also don’t want this affecting my relationship with my partner anymore than it already has.

So been with my partner for almost 4 years and have a 3 year old son. Me and MIL got on okay whilst I was pregnant with my son except if I was in pain, her pain was worse, if I was sick, she was more sick but it was whatever. But since my son has been born it’s completely changed.
Comments about everything we do with my son, if he was ill, the doctors were wrong and needed a second/third opinion. Asked nicely not to get gifts off my son to people on holidays (Father’s Day, Christmas etc) as I want to be the one as his mum to do that but completely ignores that. Buys ridiculously large toys which we have no room for and when I ask to just ask before buying something that big, it’s an issue.
It’s got to the point where I repeatedly express certain issues I have respectfully and nicely and tell her I understand her view too but she thinks everything I say is an attack and I’m done.
The final straw was her saying I’m making her out to be a pedo for asking my son to let me know when he needs the toilet in her house as I said “make sure you let mama know if you need a wee” after he wet himself.
Expressed my concerns to my partner but he doesn’t want to be in the middle which I can understand to a degree but I feel like I’m going mental. I told her after her latest visit since I’m pregnant with my second I’m done with her comments and done with her using the mental health card every time I express something that’s bothering me and I don’t want to be around her anymore as the stress isn’t good for me or the baby.
I what else do I do at this point as I’m being made out to be the villain for having very simple boundaries