r/JUSTNOMIL

My MIL is not a very stable person. Her husband sleeps on the couch and ignores her and my husband is her only child. She is constantly the victim and always negative. This has taken on a whole new life since my son was born 4 months ago. Three days after he was born she’s held him on our couch until midnight and wouldn’t give him back or leave. My husband did call her out and she pretended to take accountability but nothing has changed. She is a selfish mother to my husband and just demands love and approval and attention..

Since he was born she’s been pushing me to leave him. You need to try this restaurant, get a massage, go work out etc. mad at us for taking him to a wedding with us this coming October out of state vs leaving him with her. She is relentless even telling me my husband told he wanted to spend one on one time with me (he swears up and down he never said that). Sadly my maternity leave is ending and he’s going to daycare. You better believe that’s a new angle for her.

My question is this should I ask her why she wants to be alone with him so badly or just continue to shoot down her requests? Is there any value in running through the why which I will outline below?

During Pregnancy:
• Inserted herself into birth planning and expectations around being present
• Created anxiety and stress during an already vulnerable time
• Established a pattern of entitlement around baby before he was even born
-told family members before we were ready about baby and gender

Immediate Postpartum:

**•**	Refused to give baby back when I needed him  
**•**	Stayed longer than welcome after the birth  
**•**	Destroyed your trust in those first fragile days permanently  
**•**	Prioritized her own desire to hold him over my postpartum recovery

Ongoing Pattern:

**•**	Declared baby her “life purpose” — inappropriate enmeshment  
**•**	Called herself mommy repeatedly  
**•**	Pushed consistently to be alone with him since birth  
**•**	Pressured husband when i was not  in the room  
**•**	Walked out of rooms with him deliberately  
**•**	Tried to block his gaze toward me to redirect his attention to her  
**•**	Competed with me. for his smiles and attention  
**•**	Passed him around the party against my explicit wishes  
**•**	Had a beard rubbed on his baby face by a family member  
**•**	Made me feel so activated I had to go outside to breathe  
**•**	Cried and made herself the victim when I reacted  
**•**	Gave husband the silent treatment afterward  
**•**	Said she wanted to take him on a Disney cruise alone

**•**	Said she wanted to do daycare pickup  
**•**	Knew her husband had COVID and said nothing

My husband is her only child and she thinks he's her golden gift to the world and very much I dont deserve him and always ask too much of him.

Since having my own son a year ago, she's been trying to be a "mother" to my baby and acts as if im just the surrogate that carried the child. Wants him to call her mimi so badly because it resembles mama. Calls my husband daily to talk. Only calls me to ask if I can put my baby on FaceTime for her even tho he can't talk yet, but she talks to him as if I'm not even holding the phone.

The typical BS you all experience on this thread. So yeah, I know MILs exist like that and I can't change her. Just glad we live 12 hours away or she would be visiting daily.

So I put up with her, especially since she is so doting on my baby and is always buying him things. She also lives 10 minutes from my parents and is always trying to hang out with my mom. Plus just general respect with her being my MIL.

But its getting out of hand and I'm wanted to send her a message to put up a boundary and not sure how to word it without too much hurt feelings.

We will be traveling to go to 2 family weddings there and will be seeing her for 2 weeks even though we are staying with my parents.

So my husband isn't too great of a husband, but that's a different story. But like I said, MIL thinks he's perfect. He had been racking up debt and let the house go into forclosure that I found out about through the mail. The debt I found out because he said he had no money to pay for bills but I kept asking where in the world was the paycheck going. He had been trying to pay off insane credit card debt that he would immediately max out. He would be at his job, then stay out all night and come home when the baby would be asleep. So im the only one taking care of my son plus paying for food and bills with my savings. Anytime I would demand to know where he was he would either ignore my phone calls or just say he was staying late at work. Turns out he was spending all the money on drugs, vapes, and alcohol.

When my MIL came to visit when the baby was 3 months, she demanded to know when I was going back to work since her son shouldn't be the only one providing. That he needs his rest time and I shouldn't bother him with house things, etc, etc. I was shocked and told her that I was already paying for more than half with my savings and I actually needed him to step up and im not interested in mothering a grown man. He was sitting right there and kept quiet. I had never spoken up like that before and she got up and went to bed. She left the next morning on her flight without saying bye. I didn't talk to her for a month because she tried to act like nothing happened. I tried to explain to her finally and it seemed like she understood.

But she just kept on with how she was. It was quiet for a while. But finally I got so tired of my husband being who knows where and I had read the foreclosure letter. When she called, I told her that he's missing again late and ignoring my phone calls and she said not to bother him and stop controlling him, that hes allowed to do what he wants, I told her about the foreclosure. She hung up on me mid sentence.

She had called him and proudly texted me the next day saying she took care of it and the house payment is going to back on track since she made him set up payments with the mortgage company.

Yeah, none of that happened except that he was angry with me. Because I had called and they said there was no payment plan set up.

After a few more months and him coming out with telling me where the money was going, I took control of the bank account to organize things financially so we dont lose the house. I had to pay with whatsoever savings I had left and continue to pay for all the bills and groceries while he begs me to buy him alcohol at least. It's pretty gross, but he's telling me he wants to change and blah blah. Divorce was definitely on the table. So im seeing where this "change" is for now.

So here we are another 2 months after just about losing the house, myself having to figure it all out, and my MIL is all oh my son is the best and you just sit at home with the baby. So I told her that he's actually very selfish and turns out has an addictive personality which is where all the money he makes goes. She again hangs up on me and calls him.

He tells her he was was taking some herbal stuff. And like the proud mother she is texts me and says she took care of it and he's going to stop. But that poor him, he was so stressed with the family that he's allowed and I shouldn't bother him.

Probably my bad for even saying anything in the first place. But things are getting too much and I just can't hold everything together while he destroying it all and listening to how he's so perfect. On top of it, taking care of our baby 99% of the time alone. He only likes to play with him for 10 minutes some days so I can use the bathroom alone.

So my MIL sends me a message and following up with how she's going to Iceland one of the weekends we are visiting and that she wants to plan her dates with my baby now.

I'm not okay. I've been figuring out what to message her back. Knowing my husband is now going to be angry with me about saying something and knowing we are going to be visiting for the weddings soon and seeing her.

Do you all think this is okay to send? > Anything I should take out..or add?

"Glad to know you solved all our issues!

Because it isn't his wife talking to him about things over and over, it apparently just takes one phone call from his mother. Even though she was asked to stay out of it since she doesn't know the half of it.

You believe that his choices are excused when his wife has a baby but he's allowed to do whatever he wants, because.. he's the poor boy who's not sleeping and so stressed? How are you not embarrassed to even say things like that.

There's a blind lack of common sense when it comes to your son. Who is a grown man who has his own family and needs to take responsibility.

Stop babying him when I have an actual baby to care for while dealing with his selfishness.

Just like last time when I told you about the house foreclosure and you hung up on me and thought you did some type of service by calling him. And were so proud that everything was fixed with your one phone call. I'll have you know that he never fixed anything, it got worse from there. And now you're doing it again when I told you not to.

You really think he is just going to tell you the truth? If you want to be helpful, then treat him like a man and not a child who has so many excuses and reasons for his behaviors."

Twelve days before my father-in-law died, my mother-in-law arranged for him to sign a will that made her the sole beneficiary after she encouraged my husband and I to leave town for a few days. My FIL didn’t recognize where he was most of the time when we left or when we came back. MIL had been separated from FIL for 10+ years and the house was only in his name.

Fifteen days after FIL died, MIL (before probate had even started) signed an illegal quitclaim deed putting FIL’s house into her own name.

She knew she wasn’t my FIL’s sole heir—three months later, she signed a sworn Affidavit of Heirship acknowledging that my husband and sisters-in-law were heirs, too.

Then MIL filed the probate petition and claimed my FIL’s estate had $0 in real estate—after she had already moved his house into her own name.

She declared the estate was worth $7,000, which seems impossible for someone who owned a vehicle, tools, firearms, a *huge* number of professional paintings, etc. and was a retired tenured university professor with savings, investments, and so on.

She listed my husband as FIL’s heir in the petition for probate, but she put her own address down as our address. She knew we didn’t live there. She’d been to our house multiple times.

The court docket explicitly says petitioner to give statutory notice. There is no certificate or proof of mailing showing that notice was sent to anyone, no waivers, no appearances, no amended filings.

And my SIL’s expect my husband to believe it was just a fluke that the address she gave the court for him was her own address?

Especially when my FIL had signed a will naming her the sole beneficiary 12 days before he died, a will MIL helped arrange after she encouraged us to leave town for a few days?

She knew my husband might challenge the will, and bent over backwards to make sure that he couldn’t, and made the estate look like it was worth practically nothing by keeping the most valuable asset out of the paper trail.

And this wasn’t after my husband cut MIL off. At the time we were thanking her for everything she was doing. When she encouraged us to leave town for a few days, we thought she was trying to foster a healthier relationship and looking out for our mental wellbeing, not getting us out of the way so she could arrange a will leaving everything to her without protest. Our big mistake was trusting that she wouldn’t defraud her children and the court.

My SILs have no problem with any of this and still cite MIL’s ”character” as a reason to doubt my husband’s account of his own childhood, even though he has a PTSD DX. It’s so hard to deal with the fact that nothing my husband says makes my SILs stop seeing MIL through rose-tinted glasses.

situation: me and my husband are traveling for a job he got with his dad‘s construction company, we’re staying in a camper with his mother, father, and our three month old son.

problem: last night i slept through my son‘s crying due to extreme over exhaustion from him not sleeping the night before
my MIL heard my son crying around 2 AM roughly two hours after his 12 to 1 o’clock feed, and instead of waking me up, my MIL picked my son up out of his crib and took him back to her bedroom and fell asleep with him without telling anybody.

when my husband‘s father woke up this morning to get ready for work. I was met with “where’s baby”and woke up to see that he was not in his crib and not on my chest. I then heard my MIL, from her room , say that he was sleeping with her.

for FOUR hours. he was sleeping with her, they’re two careless dogs, and my FIL who rolls around in his sleep constantly, and is quite the deep sleeper (I’ve heard him sleep through multiple alarms before and his phone alarms are louder than any other phone I’ve ever heard.)

I’m thinking about staying with my sister who’s only about 40 minutes down the road, but I don’t want to punish my husband by leaving with his son, for something that he didn’t do.

his mother and father are in their 70s and don’t understand safe sleeping practices we use, but even with me telling her about them, she refuses to believe i know what’s best for my son and she does not understand that she crossed a huge line.

she has dementia so I can’t even say anything to her or I’ll look like the bad guy, but I know that she’s not going to remember that she can’t do do this again so i’m about to be stuck in a horrific loop.

i’m asking for any parenting advice, any advice on the situation, or just really any tips to help me not fall into such a deep sleep from over exhaustion. any would be highly appreciated.

EDIT: just woke up after getting a little bit more rest; im even more pissed about the situation than before, i was too tired to even consider my own feelings first

ive messaged my sister, if i can’t go stay with her, i will be getting a hotel.

Hi!

I’m the user whose MIL wanted to take just one of my babies in the event of our deaths “because it isn’t fair if she doesn’t get one”. (I forgot my kids are just a litter of puppies to choose from…….)
Can’t access old account.

Anyway.

MIL keeps booming up my husbands phone, turning up at his work, hassling him. All she cares about is seeing our new baby, after years of highlighting her total lack of boundaries, respect, respect for privacy, morals, principles, etc. She’s basically indirectly given me a whole multitude of reasons as to why I don’t want my kids spending time with her…..
Baby is now 2+ months old.

My husband is at the end of his tether. He loves his mom and doesn’t want to cut her out, but he needs these issues to stop happening and for her to understand, because it’s making him miserable. In an ideal world everyone would get along but unfortunately the way she is, I simply can’t just pretend just to make others happy and them get their needs fulfilled while I’m left miserable.

If it was up to me, we would just cut her out.
I don’t want her spending time with my baby or children.
If it was up to my husband he still wants to see her just very limited.

So how do we navigate this?
He’s invited her round at the weekend so we can ‘hash it all out’ and I know he’s hoping for resolution… but realistically that isn’t going to happen. 9 years of crap from her doesn’t just disappear. I’m not a doormat.
But I don’t want to put my husband into some depressive state because he already had to cut his father out of his life recently. His mother isn’t ‘evil’ but she literally has zero boundaries of respect whatsoever. She’s like a child, and it’s hard work. I get severe anxiety every time I see her, I hate drama, I just want peace, and unfortunately she brings the total opposite. She makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and every time she holds my baby I feel SO WRONG within myself. I feel I’m not protecting my baby, and that I’m exposing him to toxicity. After a few minutes of her holding him I come up with an excuse to take him back.

What do I do? 🫣

He confronts her, and tells her to do one when she’s being an ass. He hangs up on her. He says what needs to be said. No issues there. But he wants her to remain in our lives, and I don’t. I’m unreasonable, yes?
She is the worst example for our children. Absolute worst. She brings us nothing but stress and hassle. Cries when she doesn’t get her way. Admitted she loves stress and drama…. Said she wants to take one of our kids if we die…. Told me how to raise my kids…. Went into her other son’s bedroom and looked through his stuff and found sex toy’s and then rang my husband to tell him???!!!…….. broke Covid rules to see her own sons but wouldn’t let her dying husbands sons see him????
Amongst so many things! She tells people they’re fat, she comments on everyone’s looks and makes my teen daughter feel on edge etc…. She compares herself to my own mother and makes it competition energy which is ridiculous….

I just want her to go away! I want to enjoy my life!

Her only issue with me apparently is that when I was pregnant someone asked me what zodiac sign I wouldn’t want the baby to be and I said ‘a water sign’ and it was a BANTER CONVERSATION! Like, everyone laughing! I followed up with ahhhh just kidding, one of my kids is a water sign and some of my closest friends. MIL overheard all this and apparently is super upset.
About…. Astrology………. Which means nothing and is a joke……
But I guess if that’s the worst she’s got on me then 😂🤔

Original post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1u0pcpd/absent_mil_wants_to_come_back/

So the next part of the story is that my DH sent a recording of all his feelings to his mom and she cried to everyone she knew, including some full out lies. But he also sent a recording to her sister, his aunt, so that the narrative wouldn't be skewed. Radio silence on MIL at this point.

MIL had another follow-up surgery (DH did visit in the hospital), and now that she's better and starting to get mobile and care for herself, she sent a similar message to us saying she wants to get the kids presents and come over and make dinner for us. Basically expecting us to have let go of the idea that she needs to make some effort to fix the relationship rather. She's always been the "close my eyes and do nothing and maybe the problem will go away" type since I've met her.

I took this one off my husband's plate and sent a simple "we are looking forward to you coming over after you feel stronger and you have put more work into repairing your and DH's relationship". Radio silence, but I feel good about the message. DH was very validated by all of your responses and it's good to know that there is some objective agreements (although we know you only got our side). Thank you!

I’m just so done and I don’t know what else to do so honestly asking for advice cause I feel I’ve done what I can without really losing it at this point.

If you fancy reading my other posts feel free but the highlights as :
Been with DH 4 years

Have a 3 year old son and currently pregnant with our second.

Have gone no contact with MIL due to incredible disrespect, boundary crossing and negative comments.

So last post I made me and my DH had an argument about him lying about a canvas and him basically saying how he thinks I’m trying to get him to cut off his mum which I truly and honestly am not, I just don’t want to enable her behaviour anymore. We talked it out, I very, VERY clearly explained how I feel dismissed and how I feel like he allows her to disrespect me and I should put up with it anymore to which he some what agreed but also said his mum is just isolated, doesn’t get what she says is hurtful blah blah blah which I then said I am not enabling that type of behaviour towards me. I digress..

Also as of recently my DH gran has started with the comments which she has never been like this with me before. I feel like it’s because I have stood up to her daughter and she doesn’t like that. But we have always had a good relationship until recently. After I cut contact with MIL she essentially told me off in my own home then proceeded to agree with my points after actually listening but again, she herself has started with commenting on my pregnancy, my parenting etc.

So today, I got the bus with my son and MIL was there. Very awkward but whatever. MIL proceeded to talk through my son and be passive aggressive “I never see you anymore” “I got you loads of new toys at nanas so daddy will have to bring you round” to which i ignored mostly cause I think she was looking for a reaction. As she continued to talk through my son I was polite enough and was replying but I was being ignored with is fine by me. Very immature behaviour.
After this DH gran called and all was fine and then she said MIL told her I ignored her on the bus which I said I didn’t. She then said she didn’t like how my DH spoke to MIL like a week ago about something I knew very little about. All I knew was that they argued because DH was stressed about our sons behaviour and she made comments to which he stated facts of we have no help so it’s stressful. I see no problem with that statement. To which I told his gran I agree with him. She said she also would have never watched our son if he was acting up (she has never been asked or has watched our son) which irritated me.
She then began commenting on my parenting that I’m too soft, I should LOCK MY SON IN THE GARDEN if he misbehaves and I shouldn’t keep buying him things or giving in when he’s naughty. I must say, I am a firm but fair parent. I do not give in easy and I don’t always buy him things, I will buy him things if he’s done well in nursery or treat him when I can but it’s not like I buy him everything and anything regardless of his behaviour. Also she hasn’t seen my son in 3 weeks and lives 10 min drive away so she never sees my parenting. I told her he has time out but I am NOT going to lock him in the garden if he’s naughty. He gets time out, we cool down and then we talk about behaviour to the best of what he understands.

I shouldnt have to justify my parenting or anything else to anyone else and I am now kind of crapping bringing this up with DH because I don’t want to seem like I’m causing issues but they are literally relentless at this point. I don’t want to keep having the same fight with DH but nothing really changes. He may have a word or he may not but the behaviour continues and like I said, his gran is now starting with it which she never really used to do. It feels like because I stood up for myself they don’t like it and I don’t want to be portrayed as this two faced b*tch but I also don’t want to be walked all over again and again. I’m literally 3 weeks from giving birth like can’t people give it a rest.

My MIL is NUTS! She has been very difficult to deal with ever since mt now husband proposed almost 3 years ago. Maybe I'm being irrational but almsot everyday she does something new that just down right irritates me. I do get this is something small but it adds to a pile of unpleasant emotions and memories that shes put me through. Here it goes:

I invite her to lunch with my extended family. She tells me she doesn't want to go because she doesn't know them. (Figured that's what she'd say but I was being polite). Later she does tell me she would like to go, ok thats no biggie. When my husband gets home she tells him it was werid that I had invited her. Total LIE I always do. My husband knows I try to include her.

What I don't like is she ALWAYS talks like that to my husband about things like that instead of coming to me. As I said I know this particular issue is small its the fact of the matter of lying and going to my husband. Like shes trying to create a wedge between us.

If you made it this far thanks for letting me vent.

Just when I thought we were finally in peace, my grandmother ambushes my partner at my sons daycare ( see previous post about grandmother has lost it) pulled my partner for an half an hour chat about taking me to court for visitation regarding my son, I’m not completely sure about grandparents rights in Australia but I am having the worst anxiety attack over this, I’m only 3 months postpartum with my second and I can’t believe I’m having to deal with this. Any advice would be appreciated

To add context I am no contact with her

How do I support my partner's relationship with his mum without being responsible for making her part of my emotional support system?

My MIL is a friendly, nice person who I genuinely believe means well. However, she is also emotionally immature, quite self-centred and high-maintenance. She has a strong need for attention and validation, can be critical and judgmental, struggles with boundaries, and has a tendency to make situations about her own feelings and needs. She has also struggled to maintain close relationships and has fallen out with a lot of friends and family over the years.

As a result, she is very dependent on her children emotionally and has created fairly enmeshed relationships with them.

My partner moved from the Canada to Australia five years ago, partly because he wanted distance from his mum and the opportunity to break away from some of these dynamics He's well aware of his mothers flaws and the unhealthy dynamics (he's communicated them to) but he's also an incredibly caring and empathetic person and still loves his mum deeply. They're close and speak on the phone every day.

I don't have or particularly want that same kind of relationship with her. I'm friendly and engaging when we speak, and when she visits Australia she stays with us. I'm polite, welcoming and accommodating. I have no desire to exclude her from our lives or prevent my partner from having a close relationship with her. I just don't personally feel a desire for emotional closeness with her.

This has become more complicated now that we're expecting our first child.

Since finding out about the baby, she's been putting a lot more emotional pressure on my partner about living on the other side of the world — talking about everything she's going to miss out on and making comments that leave him feeling incredibly guilty about the life he's built here. The other night he broke down crying because he felt so guilty.

The difficult thing is that he knows what's happening. Intellectually, he can recognise the guilt and manipulation, but emotionally he feels an enormous responsibility for his mum's happiness and really struggles to set boundaries when he knows she's upset.

At the same time, he really wants me to have a close relationship with her. He'll suggest that I turn to his mum for guidance or support with things like breastfeeding or becoming a mum. I've explained that I simply don't have that kind of relationship with her and wouldn't feel comfortable going to her for those things.

He accepts this, but is genuinely hurt that I don't want a closer relationship with her.

I think part of this is that if I loved having his mum involved and developed a close relationship with her, it would relieve some of the emotional conflict he feels. He wouldn't have to feel caught between the life he's built here and his mum on the other side of the world. Me embracing her as someone I rely on would probably reassure him that she's still an important part of our family.

But the problem is: I don't want that relationship.

I don't dislike her. I'm happy for her to be part of our lives and our child's life. I'm happy to be warm, welcoming and inclusive. But I don't want her to be someone I turn to for emotional support, parenting advice or guidance. I already have people in my life who naturally fill those roles.

I know ultimately he needs to accept that his relationship with his mum and my relationship with her are separate. But I also love him and hate seeing how much this situation hurts him, and I find myself feeling guilty that I can't just give him what he's asking for.

I'm not looking for validation that my MIL is difficult or stories about terrible MILs. I'm genuinely interested in practical advice from people who have navigated something similar.

How can I support my partner through the guilt and complicated relationship he has with his mum without the solution becoming me developing a closer relationship with her than I actually want? And how do I help him get to a place where my boundary doesn't feel like a rejection of him or his mum?

I don’t like my MIL for many reasons. For context and sticking to only child related, we only saw her occasionally and at holidays pre-baby. She has crossed boundaries, undermine my parenting choices time and time again, ignore me completely when walking into my home. English is her second language and she and my husband speak in their native language. So I’m sure there are far more things I’m not fully understanding when they talk. He has called her out on it but she does repeat some of it. She doesn’t treat me like I exist sometimes, that’s been my biggest issue. Like let me parent my child for goodness sake. And before baby, i saw her 6-8 times a year and we’d talk here and there. Now, we don’t. She won’t even ask me to if my child can have milk, she’ll just go in the fridge when I’m standing right there. I hate that especially since things can change, and at that time we weren’t giving my child milk before her nap due to a stomach bug. Things like that - I just need her to talk to me and communicate with me when it comes to my child.

When I had my child, her first and only grandchild, she was coming over 1-2 times a week for hours at a time, sometimes cooking at our place. My husband and I fought so much over it but he thought I was the problem. Yeah, whatever, so she 90% of the time always came with a home cooked meal. But my goodness, she never came over our house before our baby and I mean NEVER. So we continued these weekly visits for about nearly 2 years. Yeah fml. Then I had enough. So husband told her every other week. Sure enough, she took that as “ok they want me over every other week.” When I was saying I need at least that much time in between visits. Do every other week she came over! I was so fed up arguing with my husband that I just let it happen. Lately for the last couple of visits, she doesn’t stay for more than 3 hours, usually just 2.5 hours until toddler goes down for a nap. We WFH, so she comes during work hours and it doesn’t compromise let’s say our family time. The lady is going to come over regardless because of my spineless husband. So, do I have a decent situation here where:

1. she usually comes with a home cooked meal to share.
2. it’s during our work hours
3. she’s coming to us and not expecting us to come to her.

Would you guys accept this?

My baby is about 6 months and we have seen my in laws 1-2x per week since baby was born (typically once per week). My husband and I are both teachers and went back to work recently, so baby is at a daycare facility. It literally pains me to be away from my child and i obviously don’t want to share her with anyone with the little time i have with her now. How do we relay this to mil who keeps asking when she can come over? I am picking other battles involving her atm so I’d like to keep this as peaceful as possible. Do we keep dodging her and say we’ll let you know, or straight up be like we need to now see you once per month? She also acts like she’s helping us by coming over, like she’ll bring us dinner, come do xyz, etc.

Sit down, grab a blanket, and pour yourself a very large cup of tea because this is going to be a long one.

Characters:
Me — F32
Husband — M38
MIL
FIL
SIL — F40
Nephews

Some details are being kept vague for obvious reasons.

First, some backstory.

I have never had a good relationship with my MIL.

She has absolutely no filter, never stops talking, and 90% of what comes out of her mouth is gossip about people I have never met and do not care about. She also has this incredible ability to believe she knows everything about everything while simultaneously knowing absolutely nothing.

There is an entirely separate story about the time she nearly killed a whole litter of my puppies because she refused to listen to me because she “knew better.”
That was probably the first major fracture in our relationship.

She also used to call me almost every night around 9 PM just to gossip. I have two young children, I get up early for school mornings, and 9 PM is basically my bedtime. She did not care.

The second major blowup happened around Thanksgiving.

There was another family member creating a ton of drama at the time. We decided not to invite him because if he came, another relative we actually wanted there wouldn’t attend.

MIL lost her mind over it.

That whole mess eventually resulted in us going completely no-contact with her.

And before anyone says this is all me convincing my husband to hate his mother: nope.

My husband has repeatedly told me he would be perfectly happy never speaking to her again.

I was actually the one who felt guilty because I’m very family-oriented and worried that I was somehow responsible for the rift between him and his mother.

So last year, we started speaking to her again.
And honestly?

Things were… surprisingly okay.

She wasn’t calling me every night anymore. We saw her a few times at SIL’s house for family get-togethers. She behaved herself.

I thought maybe we had finally reached some kind of peaceful coexistence.

HAHAHAHA.

No.

Recently, my husband and I decided to sell our house.
We have several farm animals, including four horses, so finding temporary housing between selling our house and buying another wasn’t exactly as easy as renting an apartment for six months.

My husband asked his parents if we could park our travel trailer on their property temporarily and bring the animals.

They have about 30 acres, including roughly six acres of pasture.

The property is also, to put it kindly, a disaster.

The fencing is falling apart. There are junk piles everywhere. Structures are deteriorating. FIL is getting older and physically can’t maintain everything anymore.

So we made what seemed like a mutually beneficial agreement.

Instead of paying traditional rent, we would pay our half of the utilities and put our money and labor into cleaning up and improving the property.

We also offered them our $12,000 John Deere tractor because FIL’s tractor had stopped working.
For maybe six months of living in a travel trailer on family property, we felt that was MORE than fair.

They enthusiastically agreed.

They said they were thrilled the property would finally get cleaned up, FIL was excited about the tractor, and they were happy their son and grandchildren would be nearby.

Great.

What could possibly go wrong?

Week One: The Elk Apparently Have Seniority

I started talking with MIL and FIL about repairing the fencing so I could safely bring my horses over.

My personal rule is around two acres minimum per horse when possible. I have four horses. They have six usable pasture acres, so we were already working with less space than I preferred. I started mapping out where cross-fencing could go.

MIL suddenly says: “Well, that sounds great and all, but you can’t use this pasture.”

She points to approximately THREE of the six acres. Naturally, it’s the driest and nicest three acres. The remaining three acres are the wettest, muddiest, clay-filled section.

I asked why we couldn’t use that pasture.

Her answer?

“Because I like looking out my window and seeing the elk grazing there.”

The elk.

The wild elk.

Who have access to the surrounding countryside. Apparently had more pasture rights than my horses, whose fencing we were literally paying to repair. I dropped it because arguing would accomplish nothing.

Then I had a panic attack on the drive home.

My husband calmed me down and said we’d figure something else out and could potentially create pasture elsewhere on the property.

Fine.

Moving on.

Week Two: Apparently We Jab People Now

We’re slowly moving our belongings onto their property at this point.

One day FIL and my husband are standing underneath a shed with a roof that looks like it could collapse if someone sneezed too aggressively.

I’m watching our two young boys play nearby while simultaneously watching my husband because, again, collapsing shed.

MIL is standing next to me doing her usual thing: Blah blah blah someone I’ve never met. Blah blah blah someone’s cousin’s neighbor. Blah blah blah scandal.

I’m politely responding while mostly watching my kids and husband.

Apparently MIL gets to a particularly juicy part of her story, because suddenly she starts jabbing me HARD in the shoulder repeatedly to force me to turn and look at her.

I look down at my shoulder.

Then I look at her.

She continues talking like she didn’t just aggressively poke the hell out of me because I wasn’t giving her gossip my undivided attention.

I’m standing there fighting every intrusive thought I’ve ever had.

My husband apparently looked over, saw my face, immediately recognized the danger, and suddenly: “HEY BABE, CAN YOU COME HELP ME WITH THIS?”

Bless that man.

He physically removed me from the situation while MIL immediately redirected her verbal machine gun toward FIL.

On the drive home I told my husband: “I don’t know how long I’m going to survive living on that property if this keeps happening.”

Foreshadowing.

Week Three: HURRY UP!!!

We’re back at the property dropping off more things and repairing the electrical hookup where our camper will eventually sit.

We’re also invited to SIL’s house for our nephew’s birthday.

The party doesn’t start for another TWO HOURS. MIL gets into her truck, pulls alongside us while we’re unloading, and insists we leave immediately.

I explain: “We have a couple things we need to finish first. It’ll take maybe 30–45 minutes. We have plenty of time.”

She SCREAMS: “WELL HURRY UP THEN!”

I ignore her.

She and FIL leave.

SIL lives maybe 15 minutes away. And then my phone starts ringing.

MIL.

“Hurry up.”

Ten minutes later.

MIL.

“Are you leaving yet?”

Ten minutes later.

MIL.

“Where are you guys?”

After the fourth or fifth phone call, I finally said: “You know, we’d probably get done a lot faster if I didn’t have to stop what I’m doing every few minutes to answer the phone.”

Click.

She hung up on me.

My husband was now irritated too. At this point, he’s starting to reconsider the entire moving arrangement.

Week Four: Oh, You Want RENT Now?

We’re back again, dropping more belongings off and helping FIL with tractor stuff.

MIL is standing beside me talking.

Suddenly, completely out of nowhere: “So… how much rent should we be charging you guys?”

I genuinely thought I misheard her.

Excuse me?

I remind her about:
The $12,000 tractor we’re giving them.
The fencing we’re repairing.
The cleanup we’re doing.
The materials we’re purchasing.
The labor we’re providing.
The property improvements were funding.

All of which easily exceed what six months of parking a travel trailer there should cost.

She waves that off and says: “Well yeah, but the rent money would go toward property improvements.”

…

So I should hand YOU money…

so YOU can hand it BACK to me…

so I can buy materials…

to improve YOUR property?

Math was apparently optional that day.

But this?

This was merely the tip of the iceberg.

Enter: THE SCAM

Around this same time, my husband finds out he may be getting a promotion. If he gets it, financially we might not even need to move anymore. So we temporarily pause moving more stuff.

I cannot describe the hope blooming inside me.

Then SIL messages me. MIL is apparently sending thousands of dollars to a doctor from New York who claims he is going to personally fly across the country to perform shoulder surgery on her.

Oh.

Oh no.

I tell my husband.

A little while later MIL calls me asking when we’re coming back out.

I explain that everything is temporarily on hold because of the possible promotion.

She barely acknowledges that. Instead she immediately says: “Don’t listen to what SIL says. I’m NOT getting scammed.”

Interesting. I wasn’t even going to bring it up. But since we’re here…

I ask: “How are you paying this doctor?”

She says: “Gift cards.”

Record scratch.

I immediately say: “MIL… that’s not how doctors get paid. You’re getting scammed.”

She says: “Don’t start with me or I’ll hang up on you.”

And at this point my patience finally leaves my body. I say: “I’m gonna be honest with you, MIL, you’re being fucking stu—”

CLICK.

She hung up.

My husband had listened to the whole conversation. I look at him. He looks at me.

Then he says: “Promotion or not, we’re not moving there. They’re a liability we can’t afford.”

Thank God.

This was about a week ago.

Scammer #2: “The Doctor”

A few days later MIL sends me a screenshot that’s apparently supposed to prove the “doctor” is legitimate.

It proves absolutely nothing.

If anything, it makes the scam MORE obvious.

This person is showering her with compliments, telling her how special she is, talking to her like she’s family, and building this weird emotional connection with her. And suddenly another person she’s been talking to starts looking extremely suspicious too.

Our theory is that Scammer #1 built the emotional connection, gathered information about her, figured out exactly what she wanted to hear… and then Scammer #2 appeared as the magical doctor who could solve her medical problems.

So I investigate. The “doctor” is impersonating a REAL physician in New York. They even SPELL THE REAL DOCTOR’S NAME WRONG. I independently find the actual doctor’s real practice. I call the office. The real doctor is in New York. Working. He is not secretly flying across the country to perform private surgery on my MIL. His office confirms information that completely contradicts what MIL’s “doctor” has been telling her.

I send MIL everything. Screenshots. Evidence. Contact information. The real doctor’s information. Everything.

She doesn’t respond.

I send SIL copies.

Now SIL and I are comparing information and realizing how deep this whole thing goes.

Then SIL tells me something even more disturbing:
When she confronted MIL and FIL about the scam, FIL threatened SIL and her children’s lives with guns.

Yeah.

We have officially left “annoying MIL story” territory.

Yesterday MIL goes to SIL’s house and says she’s going to call the REAL doctor’s office herself.

Finally.

Maybe we’ve gotten through to her.

Maybe this nightmare is ending.

Maybe she’ll realize—

Nope.

ENTER SCAMMER #3

A few HOURS later, SIL contacts me.

MIL received an unexplained check in the mail. For $10,000. Unknown sender. Unknown reason. And what does MIL do?

SHE CASHES IT.

Her grandson witnessed this. At this point SIL and I are both thinking:

What.

The.

Fuck.

We ask nephew if he can find the envelope the check arrived in because we’re trying to preserve evidence.

Nephew starts looking around MIL’s room.

And finds something MUCH worse.

A box.

Inside the box?

A STACK OF CHECKS FROM DIFFERENT BANKS.

Some already have signatures printed on them. And MIL has been writing HER OWN NAME on the “Pay to the Order of” line. Some of them also have dollar amounts filled in.
So now we’re sitting here realizing that MIL isn’t just being scammed by the fake doctor. She’s apparently involved with MULTIPLE scammers.

She’s giving personal information to one.

Another is impersonating a real physician that she is sending cash funded gift cards to.

And somebody else is mailing her suspicious checks that she’s apparently filling out and cashing.

At this point I don’t even know if we’re watching someone get scammed…

or watching scammers turn her into an accidental money mule.

And the absolute worst part?

SHE STILL DOESN’T BELIEVE SHE’S BEING SCAMMED.

MIL and FIL own approximately 30 acres of paid-off property that’s been in the family for generations. So now this isn’t just about losing a few thousand dollars.

We’re terrified these people are eventually going to convince her to take out loans, borrow against the property, sign something she doesn’t understand, or otherwise destroy everything MIL and FIL spent their entire lives building.

Meanwhile, remember how this entire story started?

WE WERE ONE WEEK AWAY FROM MOVING ONTO THEIR PROPERTY.

Our house is packed. We’ve already moved belongings over there. We were literally preparing to move our children and animals onto that property.

Now we’re arranging to retrieve our belongings without bringing our kids because of FIL’s firearm threats.

SIL and I are documenting everything, preserving evidence, reporting the scams, and looking into what legal options the family has to protect MIL, FIL, and their assets because apparently neither of them can be trusted to recognize financial fraud anymore.

And I genuinely do not know what tomorrow is going to bring.

Every single time I think:
“Okay. Surely this situation cannot get any more insane.”

MIL apparently takes that as a personal challenge.

Will update when Scammer #4 inevitably enters the chat or any other crazy things happening.

Note: yes we are getting the proper authorities involved. Bank is getting called today. And we will be getting a lawyer involved as well to nip this in the butt.

Advice please I'm so torn! My husband spoke to his mom the other day on the phone and she was talking about how her daughter (his sister) and her boyfriend were working things out and we're going to start looking for work. My husband made a comment like "those two will never try to work" because...let's say they have a lot of bad habits and enable each other and do what they can to stay on disability even though they can work.

My MIL immediately made a comment to him about how I (his wife) am no better since I don't work either and all I do is sit on the couch all day. I've worked everyday since I was 16 and now in my 40s left my career to homeschool my neurodivergent but very smart child! It's not easy and we definitely don't sit around on the couch all day, it's the complete opposite.

I'm hurt and shocked that she would even say that to her son. He's livid and refuses to go see them until she apologized. The problem is if she does it will be just to see us and her true feelings and thoughts about our life and choices is now out there. How can I just look past it? I feel it's ruined the relationship but I also don't want to be the cause of their disconnect. How can I go and have dinner and pretend like she didn't say what she said?

What would you do??

So this summer has been filled with social events on my side. We’ve attended 4 weddings for my friends (2 of which I was a bridesmaid for), a baby shower, two bachelorette trips, etc.

My pockets are empty and my battery is LOW. I’m exhausted. I took next week off the enjoy the last week of summer and planned for a staycation. Including the weekends, that’s 9 days just for me.

My fiancè decided he’s going to take me on a mini trip for 4 of those days (3 nights) and that he would take care of it. It’s last minute but he’s looking at places as we speak. It’s so sweet of him to do that.

But I am trying to decide if I should block his mom for those 4 days. She is controlling and worries too much. When we went to Mexico last year, she would call and text him daily and would text me if she didn’t hear from him. It was annoying AF because we’re both in our 30s. We got into a huge fight about it but I’ve had an issue with her since the first time she did something similar.

Anyway, I really want to enjoy these four days without her texting me if he doesn’t respond to her or even think about her. But a part of me wants her to text me so I can internally say “yup, this woman is psycho. I’m right about her” and then leave her on read.

I can’t decide which route to take

TLDR; should I temporarily block my future MIL on our trip or just ignore her entirely?

TW: SA

My husband (34M) and myself (34F) have been together for 16 years-almost married for a year. I just had our son about 6 weeks ago. I'm struggling to get along with my MIL. She has always had entitlement issues and main character syndrome, but we had a decent enough relationship until around six years ago. A backstory to how this all began: she became a MAGA spook around covid and during that time went off on drunken tirades about our life choices (ie college education, voting for Biden, ect). I told her at the time that we were just doing what our parents asked us to do as kids, and her response was to call me a bitch. This same evening she discussed about how Donald Trump was saving the children (essentially Q anon conspiracy) and to my horror she accused a family friend of molesting my husband as a child. I was so horrified at the conversation that I excused myself to pull myself together. My husband joined me and later discussed that the allegations are false and that this wasn't the first time that she has accused family members (on his fathers side-they had an ugly divorce). I told him I support him no matter what has happened to him but am horrified that she would fabricate such extreme lies.

Since becoming pregnant and having my son, I'm struggling more than ever to not be resentful towards her. Once she found out we were having a baby, she bought an RV and moved it 5 minutes outside of our neighborhood (we live 5 hours away) with the expectation that she would come help me with the baby once I had him. I explained to my husband I didn't want someone like that around during a vulnerable time, and my husband was supportive in that I would choose the support system that I needed. We didn't tell her my due date or that I was being induced. Unfortunately she found out I was in labor through the grapevine so she was very angry with him when he called once our son was here. She never once told me congratulations, checked in on me during my high risk pregnancy, or after I had him (failed induction with c-section) which is now compounded the resentment that I feel towards her. When meeting our son last weekend, she didn't acknowledge me and held the baby for over an hour while I sat on the couch uncomfortable. She took a picture and posted it as her FB profile picture without asking even though we have decided that we will not be posting our child on social media. There have been other instances where she's been insufferable but for the most part dealing with her is a death by a thousand papercuts.

My husband is her only child and is really non confrontational (more a shove it under the rug type of guy). He understands that his mother is difficult and has always just dealt with it and been VLC, but I'm finding it difficult to even be cordial anymore. I would never ask to go NC (even though I would if it were my mother) but 95% of our arguments in the last year have been because of MIL's behaviors. She puts him in the middle by only complaining to him knowing he doesn't like the confrontation and will never reach out to me. He tells me we are on the same team/page but it's very difficult to bring my son around her with how our past encounters have been. I feel bad for putting him in the middle, he's dealt with it his whole life. Am I the asshole for dreading being around her? Any advice on how to deal with her entitlement issues?

I tend to say her personality is 'disagreeing with you'. That's just her entire personality. Most things you say to her, her instant reaction, before she's even had time to process what you've said, is to say 'well actually..'.

And if shes not disagreeing with what you've said for no good reason, her only other way of communicating is through 'giving her opinion/telling you the reason behind something'. Essentially attempting to be the font of all knowledge, despite mostly never actually knowing wtf she's talking about.

For eg.

1. I could tell her that her grandchild (my child) has done something cool/new/cute. And instead of responding something normal like 'oh cool/cute/sweet/funny'. She has to instead state a fact about why grandchild has acted in that way. Eg. Her reaction is 'oh Emily is doing that because shes going through a clingy phase'.

Like yes im aware of that thanks....im just telling you something funny about your grandchild???

Or

2. My dog goes wild digging in the garden and runs all over my carpet. I get annoyed (not wildly as it was my fault for leaving the door open) and tell the dog to go into the next room so i can clean his paws.

Mil's reaction isnt, like a normal person, to say 'oh god mud everywhere!' Or 'oh god would you like a hand!?'

Instead she says things like 'thats dogs for you. They can of course be very annoying. Thats just dogs'.

Like yes thanks i AM AWARE. Ive had my dog for 6 years i am fully aware...

I just cannot stand the constant need to tell me facts i already know as if im a fucking idiot?

Am i being tetchy or does anyone elses do this?

It drives me absolutely insane and hate being around it. Like stfu and react like a normal person. Stop needing to be the font of all knowledge to feel superior and secure.

My mother in law said really mean things to me when I was pregnant with my first son who is two now. I went through multiple miscarriages and multiple rounds of ivf to have him. I called her out on it and she through a fit and didn’t come to my baby shower. I ended up getting pregnant without ivf seven months after my son was born and I had my second son last year. She did apologize for everything but I still cannot forgive her. I guess it’s something in me that knows she’s a horrible person. She sees the kids once a month at our house or somewhere public like a library because my husband thinks it’s good for them to see her. She lives in our same town. She was supposed to come see the boys yesterday but she refused to because she’s now insisting that she wants us to bring them to her apartment. I am absolutely not taking them to her apartment ever and my husband agrees. I am now mad she’s only wanting to see them if we bring them to her. I have her blocked from my phone for my mental health and all communication goes through my husband. He does agree that she should come to us. We both work full time and they are in daycare and it makes absolutely no sense as to why she cannot come to our house and visit them here. She is retired so she’s not working. Which she is lucky to even see them because I told her I cannot stand her and she’s only seeing them because my husband insists. I have been very upfront with her. I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice on how we should move forward? Also, does anyone have any idea why she’s now only wanting to see them if we bring them to her? She is also only allowed to see them with me present that is a boundary I have set.

​

Christmas usually goes like this: we spend one day at the in-laws. Just us and them. My BIL spends the day at his in-laws, SIL with hers, so we're the only ones left to spend time with mine.

Last year my mom, who had been diagnosed with cancer, had invited us to her birthday celebration in late November.

14 days later we received a call from her partner, who informed us that he just called an ambulance, because she wasn't doing so well since we left. We drove there to visit right away (4h drive). I stayed for the week, and then on and off during the rest of December. She was apparently getting better, so I went home on Christmas, to be with my kids, and to celebrate my 50th birthday at an expensive event we had planned long before. She insisted I leave her, but I went back right after, to be with her during a procedure she was scared of, and to finalize the preparations for her planned mobile care.

This is to give you an idea about my mental state. I still cooked Christmas dinner, as usual, and still prepared a different entrée for FIL, as usual, because he doesn't like the traditional one, and he gobbled it up without any sign of appreciation, as usual.

During the main course he started bullying my younger son for the way he was eating, or something he didn't want to eat, I can't remember, and lectured him that he should be more grateful.

On the inside I was barely holding it together. I would have loved to explode in FIL's face, but I didn't, because it would definitely have ruined the evening, possibly without a chance to ever reconcile. So I just looked down on my plate, not saying a word. Not even a glance in his general direction.

My husband listened to their argument going back and forth 3 or 4 times, then he just calmly said: "come on, that's enough now."

FIL looked at him, his eyes filling with rage. He tossed his cutlery on the half emptied plate, got up, left the room and slammed the door.

He hasn't spoken to ME ever since. Not a single word. Didn't congratulate me on my 50th. No "happy new year". Not even a "hello" anymore.

My mom died on January 1st.

He hasn't even condoled.

I'm not going to spend Christmas with him ever again. It's about to get very interesting. I won't go to their house. MIL will probably want to come here instead, which is fine.

But he won't be invited. It's going to be so much fun.

I saw a post that really resonated with me earlier this week. It said “As a daughter in law I don’t care how you treat me. But as a wife and a mother, I’ll never understand how you can treat your child and grandchildren in such a manner.”

Lately because I am pregnant with my first baby, seeing how much hatred there is for my husband. Hatred that was there long before I met him, from his family breaks my heart. Sadly his family only functions well when there is an enemy to unite against. He has been made the enemy since the last enemy left the family 10 years ago, and seeing how it broke him for years makes me cry. How can a mother make their son feel like they are unworthy of love from anyone else in the world?

And when I gave him that love because he did deserve it and is the best man I’ve ever met, he refused to be their villain. So what happened next? His mother cut us off, all because we refused to be the enemy in her storyline. The light was shown to the others and they freely admit that she is the wrong one. Yet they stay with her.

It just breaks my husbands heart and truly breaks mine as well. Our future family together is what we look forward to the most. We will build the family we both deserved. And give our kids the childhood we always wanted. He says that this is healing his broken heart. I hope it heals mine too.

I truly will never understand all of our in laws. But we can change the future. We can be the change we want to see. I’m truly sorry for everyone’s experiences with our in laws that have never been kind to us and never wanted us to succeed. I love you all, and I’m proud of all of you.