u/dt715

I don’t like my MIL for many reasons. For context and sticking to only child related, we only saw her occasionally and at holidays pre-baby. She has crossed boundaries, undermine my parenting choices time and time again, ignore me completely when walking into my home. English is her second language and she and my husband speak in their native language. So I’m sure there are far more things I’m not fully understanding when they talk. He has called her out on it but she does repeat some of it. She doesn’t treat me like I exist sometimes, that’s been my biggest issue. Like let me parent my child for goodness sake. And before baby, i saw her 6-8 times a year and we’d talk here and there. Now, we don’t. She won’t even ask me to if my child can have milk, she’ll just go in the fridge when I’m standing right there. I hate that especially since things can change, and at that time we weren’t giving my child milk before her nap due to a stomach bug. Things like that - I just need her to talk to me and communicate with me when it comes to my child.

When I had my child, her first and only grandchild, she was coming over 1-2 times a week for hours at a time, sometimes cooking at our place. My husband and I fought so much over it but he thought I was the problem. Yeah, whatever, so she 90% of the time always came with a home cooked meal. But my goodness, she never came over our house before our baby and I mean NEVER. So we continued these weekly visits for about nearly 2 years. Yeah fml. Then I had enough. So husband told her every other week. Sure enough, she took that as “ok they want me over every other week.” When I was saying I need at least that much time in between visits. Do every other week she came over! I was so fed up arguing with my husband that I just let it happen. Lately for the last couple of visits, she doesn’t stay for more than 3 hours, usually just 2.5 hours until toddler goes down for a nap. We WFH, so she comes during work hours and it doesn’t compromise let’s say our family time. The lady is going to come over regardless because of my spineless husband. So, do I have a decent situation here where:

1. she usually comes with a home cooked meal to share.
2. it’s during our work hours
3. she’s coming to us and not expecting us to come to her.

Would you guys accept this?

My father has smoked his Marlboros for 55+ years. He was likely a pack a day smoker. A few months ago, his health really declined. What started as debilitating back muscle pain led to shortness of breath and a few ER visits. What I know, he was diagnosed with emphysema at the second ER visit and heart failure. 25% EF. He was given inhalers, nebulizers, and lots of follow up appointments. It’s been about 6-8 weeks on him just struggling. He can’t sleep at night because laying down and or sitting up make it difficult to breathe. His back muscles are hurting him badly too. He’s on round the clock salonpas and massagers.

I talk to him every night on FaceTime so he can say hi to his grandchild. He is obviously very tired, but can’t sleep. He will maybe sleep for 2 hours at a time. Is it anxiety? Discomfort? The inhalers? He won’t quit cold turkey and I know I know - he should.

I offered to get him a reclining sofa as the couch they have at home is over 20 years old and lacks any firmness. His appetite has gone way down, but every now and then he will eat especially if it’s one of his faves.

He’s been to pulmo appointments but from what I gather, it’s his heart that’s really giving him the issues. He doesn’t like to tell me all the details and it pains me to see him like this. Does he like the company? Does he not? When I see him on the weekends I can see how frustrated he is with the pain and lack of sleep.

Anything that can be done to help him?