u/Ok-Alternative-1560

My baby is about 6 months and we have seen my in laws 1-2x per week since baby was born (typically once per week). My husband and I are both teachers and went back to work recently, so baby is at a daycare facility. It literally pains me to be away from my child and i obviously don’t want to share her with anyone with the little time i have with her now. How do we relay this to mil who keeps asking when she can come over? I am picking other battles involving her atm so I’d like to keep this as peaceful as possible. Do we keep dodging her and say we’ll let you know, or straight up be like we need to now see you once per month? She also acts like she’s helping us by coming over, like she’ll bring us dinner, come do xyz, etc.

This pisses me off so much for some reason. My mil is constantly saying MY baby, my grandchild, my beauty, my girl, the list goes on… it feels so forced and I genuinely believe that she thinks my child is as much hers as she is mine.

If it was just those comments, I wouldn’t get so upset I don’t think, but it’s everything else along with the comments that makes me genuinely think that she believes my child is her possession. The 800 framed pictures of my baby in her house, the full blown nursery, the 50 baby items and diaper caddies (we always bring our own stuff). The constant asking for updates and wanting pictures. The offering unsolicited advice that I most certainly didn’t ask for. It’s TOO MUCH.

My own mom has said “there’s my baby!” before, and it doesn’t bother me one bit because my mom is wonderful, never oversteps, and knows who the mom is.

I typically ignore mil, but have started sending pics of my husband any time she says “my baby”. Anyone else get so pissed about this??

Also, YES, my husband sets boundaries with this woman. He frequently reminds her that she is not the mother.

My husband and I have been married for a couple years and dated for 4 years prior to getting married. My mil has always been crazy as long as I’ve known her. For example, when my husband and I began dating, it came up that his mom would check and monitor his bank account every day, as she used to have access to his account. She would send him multiple texts “hello?” “Where are you??” “Hellooooo???” throughout the day and spam him if he didn’t respond. My husband grew up under a microscope and has made TREMENDOUS progress (thanks to me because I’ve always pointed out how not normal it is).

Fast forward to now, we are married with a baby and things have gotten so much worse in terms of her now trying to control me and control how I parent my child. My husband has done an excellent job at learning how to set firm boundaries with his mom. He now is able to do so without me having to ask or direct him on what to say. I’ve also made it very clear to her that she will not control me or my family, and she does NOT get to make any decisions for us.

One thing I’m still struggling with is her still controlling my husband in subtle ways that he, as a guy, just go right over his head. She will use the silent treatment if she doesn’t get what she wants. She will play victim and make every single thing about her. She tries to create family drama almost every week, and anyone that doesn’t fully agree with her is evil (always me). She intentionally tries to not include me in family things but LOVES me when I’m an incubator giving her grandchildren. No, my husband does not attend anything i haven’t been invited to. When he doesn’t attend, he gets the silent treatment and so do I, because I’m sure she assumes I told him not to go.

She’s supposed to do childcare for us 2x per month but I recently found someone else to do it, as I cannot keep up with her big emotions and cognitive distortions and don’t want her alone with my child. I have tried for years with this woman to keep things as civil as possible, but frankly, she’s a terrible person who still tries to control her adult son using guilt and manipulation. It’s a never ending cycle with her and it’s exhausting. She is kind to me when I act just as she wants, but that’s not how I roll. I become the bad guy for everything, and I am genuinely such a good person so it is defeating to always be doing something “wrong” (I know I’m not wrong and don’t give a f what she thinks but I’m sick of being painted as the bad guy for simply trying to live my life!!) She is the only source of drama or anxiety in my life. She is obsessed with my baby which adds pressure of seeing them often. Anytime we decline, she says we are “canceling her” as a Grandma and makes it all about her. I am wondering is any of this salvageable or do we need to cut ties altogether?

My husband and I have been married for a couple years and dated for 4 years prior to getting married. My mil has always been crazy as long as I’ve known her. For example, when my husband and I began dating, it came up that his mom would check and monitor his bank account every day, as she used to have access to his account. She would send him multiple texts “hello?” “Where are you??” “Hellooooo???” throughout the day and spam him if he didn’t respond. My husband grew up under a microscope and has made TREMENDOUS progress (thanks to me because I’ve always pointed out how not normal it is).

Fast forward to now, we are married with a baby and things have gotten so much worse in terms of her now trying to control me and control how I parent my child. My husband has done an excellent job at learning how to set firm boundaries with his mom. He now is able to do so without me having to ask or direct him on what to say. I’ve also made it very clear to her that she will not control me or my family, and she does NOT get to make any decisions for us.

One thing I’m still struggling with is her still controlling my husband in subtle ways that he, as a guy, just go right over his head. She will use the silent treatment if she doesn’t get what she wants. She will play victim and make every single thing about her. She tries to create family drama almost every week, and anyone that doesn’t fully agree with her is evil (always me). She intentionally tries to not include me in family things but LOVES me when I’m an incubator giving her grandchildren. No, my husband does not attend anything i haven’t been invited to. When he doesn’t attend, he gets the silent treatment and so do I, because I’m sure she assumes I told him not to go.

She’s supposed to do childcare for us 2x per month but I recently found someone else to do it, as I cannot keep up with her big emotions and cognitive distortions and don’t want her alone with my child. I have tried for years with this woman to keep things as civil as possible, but frankly, she’s a terrible person who still tries to control her adult son using guilt and manipulation. It’s a never ending cycle with her and it’s exhausting. She is kind to me when I act just as she wants, but that’s not how I roll. I become the bad guy for everything, and I am genuinely such a good person so it is defeating to always be doing something “wrong” (I know I’m not wrong and don’t give a f what she thinks but I’m sick of being painted as the bad guy for simply trying to live my life!!) She is the only source of drama or anxiety in my life. She is obsessed with my baby which adds pressure of seeing them often. Anytime we decline, she says we are “canceling her” as a Grandma and makes it all about her. I am wondering is any of this salvageable or do we need to cut ties altogether?

My husband and I have been married for a couple years and dated for 4 years prior to getting married. My mil has always been crazy as long as I’ve known her. For example, when my husband and I began dating, it came up that his mom would check and monitor his bank account every day, as she used to have access to his account. She would send him multiple texts “hello?” “Where are you??” “Hellooooo???” throughout the day and spam him if he didn’t respond. My husband grew up under a microscope and has made TREMENDOUS progress (thanks to me because I’ve always pointed out how not normal it is).

Fast forward to now, we are married with a baby and things have gotten so much worse in terms of her now trying to control me and control how I parent my child. My husband has done an excellent job at learning how to set firm boundaries with his mom. He now is able to do so without me having to ask or direct him on what to say. I’ve also made it very clear to her that she will not control me or my family, and she does NOT get to make any decisions for us.

One thing I’m still struggling with is her still controlling my husband in subtle ways that he, as a guy, just go right over his head. She will use the silent treatment if she doesn’t get what she wants. She will play victim and make every single thing about her. She tries to create family drama almost every week, and anyone that doesn’t fully agree with her is evil (always me). She intentionally tries to not include me in family things but LOVES me when I’m an incubator giving her grandchildren. No, my husband does not attend anything i haven’t been invited to. When he doesn’t attend, he gets the silent treatment and so do I, because I’m sure she assumes I told him not to go.

She’s supposed to do childcare for us 2x per month but I recently found someone else to do it, as I cannot keep up with her big emotions and cognitive distortions and don’t want her alone with my child. I have tried for years with this woman to keep things as civil as possible, but frankly, she’s a terrible person who still tries to control her adult son using guilt and manipulation. It’s a never ending cycle with her and it’s exhausting. She is kind to me when I act just as she wants, but that’s not how I roll. I become the bad guy for everything, and I am genuinely such a good person so it is defeating to always be doing something “wrong” (I know I’m not wrong and don’t give a f what she thinks but I’m sick of being painted as the bad guy for simply trying to live my life!!) She is the only source of drama or anxiety in my life. She is obsessed with my baby which adds pressure of seeing them often. Anytime we decline, she says we are “canceling her” as a Grandma and makes it all about her. I am wondering is any of this salvageable or do we need to cut ties altogether?

The text exchange with my BIL’s new fiance began as a conflict regarding boundaries involving my daughter, particularly after she posted a photo of my daughter on Facebook and was asked to remove it. We weren’t comfortable with her posting, as we do not know her and have met her three times. Rather than simply acknowledging the boundary, the conversation escalated significantly. She became defensive and argumentative, made personal and negative comments about my husband and our family dynamics, questioned or criticized our decisions as parents (saying she’s not my property or a trophy???), and repeatedly brought my daughter into the disagreement. She made statements including that my daughter was “not a trophy,” told me to “leave [my daughter] alone,” and told me to “be careful, karma is real.” The overall tone became increasingly hostile, personal, and confrontational rather than remaining focused on the original issue of removing the photo and respecting our wishes as parents.

What concerned me most was the intensity of her reaction and the degree to which the conversation became focused on my daughter. This felt particularly unsettling in light of interactions shortly before the texts, when she had been inside our home and specifically asked to see my daughter's bedroom and asked if she could watch me put my daughter to bed. While none of these statements or behaviors individually establishes an intention to cause harm, taken together they left me extremely uncomfortable with her behavior toward my daughter and with the idea of her having access to or contact with her going forward.

My MIL is chalking this up to be a one time thing, not considering that this girl is most likely crazy. I do not feel safe knowing this person could show up at my house when I have a 5 month old baby. Another important fact is that she is not a citizen and is under a time crunch to get married or she will be deported.

I am thinking of involving the cops, as I feel “be careful” and warning me to leave my daughter alone is a threat.

I’ve posted on here before that my mil’s house looks like my 5mo old baby lives there. Full nursery along with every baby item you could ever imagine throughout her house. Pictures of my baby framed in every nook and cranny of the home. Mind you, we go over there once maybe every 6 weeks and always come prepared with our own things.

Anyway, my mil will buy toys and more items for her house, and take them back from my baby as we’re leaving. Like, it’s a $6 toy….. isn’t it for baby anyways? But she takes them back every time so that they stay at her house. I just think it’s so strange.

FTM to a 5 month old. I have plenty of issues with my mil, but this one has really been nerving me. My baby is in the phase where she only wants her Momma, and every time she begins crying for mil she will say “that’s UGLY! We don’t do ugly faces”. Or “why are you so angry???” She’s not angry, she’s 5mo and wants her mom (and also you to get tf out of her face). I work with children and see daily the effects of low confidence in females. Yes, I know she’s only 5mo but is this how you will speak to my child as she grows up? Also, we don’t do much screen time. We’re not obsessive about it, as we love to watch television, but I turn her away from it whenever possible (mil knows this). She will purposefully say to my daughter “want to watch tv?” And turn her to face it. She will also make comments like “don’t let Mommy see you watching tv, she doesn’t like when you do that”…. So then WHY face her in front of it whenever I’m around?!? If she will do this when I’m there, what on earth will she think is ok to do behind my back?

Mil has 3 kids and creates drama before EVERY. SINGLE. GET-TOGETHER. she involves all of her adult children, who either have families or long term girlfriends (aka have their own life and don’t care to be involved in drama). She also only has sons, and again, all of her sons are happily married or dating. She’s done it again today!! I feel like it’s for attention?? If not- what? It’s every time without fail, to either stir things up between family members or for her to get to play victim. I’m so tired of her games! F off and get a life.

FTM to a 4 month old. My husband is very close to one sibling and has basically zero relationship with the other. Both siblings have girlfriends (we’re close-ish to the one, and the other one is a stranger). The whole family got together at the in-laws tonight and my MIL kept offering for people to hold my baby!!!! “John (who we’re not close with), come hold the baby!! Even offered for rhe basically stranger girlfriend to hold baby after we privately told mil we would not be comfortable with that, as we hardly know her. Am i in the wrong for being annoyed? It’s MY baby to offer up, which i wasnt…. Not hers.

I'm looking for some outside perspective.
I occasionally leave my 4-month-old daughter with my parents for date nights, and she's even spent the night with them twice. I have a wonderful relationship with my parents, trust them completely, and they live only 10 minutes away, which makes it even easier.
My in-laws, on the other hand, don't get much alone time with her. They still see her once or twice a week, but it's usually at our house while we're there. I used to let my mother-in-law watch her, but we had a major disagreement after my husband set what we felt was a very reasonable boundary (simply asking for a little bit of space pp. She was constantly visiting, planning her next visit, overstaying her welcome, constant texts and questions, demanding baby updates, etc). Since then, my trust has been shaken. She tends to be very controlling and strongly believes her way is the right way, especially when it comes to babies. I know they love my daughter very much, and I don't think she'd be physically unsafe with them, but I do worry that they may not consistently follow our parenting preferences or instructions.
So here's my dilemma: my husband is out of town tomorrow, and my mother-in-law offered to watch my daughter for about 8 hours. A full day to relax, clean, or just have some time to myself honestly sounds amazing. But I'm torn because of the trust issues we've had.
Would you let your baby spend that much time alone with someone you love but don't fully trust to follow your wishes as a parent? I'd really appreciate hearing how others would handle this situation.

My baby, 4 months, now cries EVERY TIME mil holds him. It’s awkward bc I let it happen for just a couple minutes and then go grab him. Part of me feels bad, but I’m also in this group for a reason lol, so the other part of me is like “good!!!”

FTM to a 4 mo old who has recently started wanting me pretty much 24/7 and cries when anyone that isn’t Dad or I holds her. When I pick her up she’s immediately calmed. My Husband and I are both teachers and go back to work in 3 weeks, which means daycare. I am absolutely DREADING it. I don’t want her thinking I’m neglecting her and have her looking for me 💔💔 I have been looking for remote jobs but am not really finding much. Any advice or encouragement is much appreciated. I could cry thinking of leaving my sweet girl 40 hrs/week.

My mil insists that I should not be given MY baby back when he’s crying bc he “needs to learn how to be comforted by other people” aka her. He is 4 months!!!!! He needs his mama! (Yes, I walked right up and rightfully grabbed my boy back.)

When are we starting solids? My 4mo old got the ok but I’m not sure if I should start with simple purses now or wait to start BLW closer to 6 months.

My mil is watching our 4mo old son tomorrow evening at our house, as my DH and I have a party to attend. She offered to keep him overnight at her home, to which I replied something like “no thank you- let’s keep him at our house this time”. I want to enjoy my evening with my Husband, as we do not get these often. Part of me is like- should I just let my son stay at her house so we can let loose and not have the responsibility of waking up w/ baby in the middle of the night? The other part of me is like HELL NO bc my mil overall sucks. She’s been better lately and trying to respect our boundaries, but she’s still controlling and I just don’t respect her. I know my baby would be safe, but is this something I want to open the door to…….

I’m officially down to producing 10-12oz per day (pumping 4-5x) at 4 mo pp. I’m not able/willing to increase pump sessions at this point. We have been supplementing with Kendamil Goat. I wish I could see ANY evidence that my little ole 10oz is giving my baby actual benefits. It’s so much work and time (as we all know), and I’m so defeated and want to quit. Every time I think about quitting, I feel guilty. I am able to pump, so why would I stop? Also, it saves a little money giving breastmilk 2 bottles per day. I end every single day discouraged, though.

I have a new baby and my mil is obsessed with buying “mini loves me” “Mimi’s bestie” “I love my Mimi” clothes for my baby. For some reason it drives me insane, and I have never dressed my baby in any of the items. Last week, we went to her house and there’s yet another onesie talking about Mimi’s love. I don’t know why it bothers me so much. Maybe because it seems so forced? Maybe because she hasn’t bought my child one single educational item, and only clothes about her? Am I crazy?

My husband and I wanted to go on a boat Friday with some friends. We hardly ever get to do anything just the two of us, we have a 4 month old. Anyways, mil offered to watch baby that day while we are gone. I said “thanks, but I’ve already asked my mom to watch her”. She didn’t respond, I’m sure she was pissed (she loves to compare time).

Husband was alone with mil this evening and she played dumb and asked if she could watch baby. She said to convince me to have baby go to their house instead of my parents. At the time of the conversation, my husband was not aware that I had already asked my mom.

This created a HUGE fight between Husband and I, as I feel disrespected and undermined. Being a new mom, I have enough on my plate and don’t have fuck!ng time to be monitoring what’s being said when I’m not around.

I don’t have a question, just venting. I’m so tired of hearing about how easy and perfect of a time my mil had raising her three kids! Every time I’m around her she has to remind me how perfect she is. It started when I got pregnant, when she constantly told me about how she didn’t use an epidural. My response, always the same, was “that’s great for you, I will be getting an epidural”.

Now that baby is 4mo, it’s all about how perfectly behaved her children were and that’s the expectation and standard for my child. She ran a dictator household (my Husband is 30 and I swear he’s still scared of his Mom. At this point they should be more like friends, but she still very much tries telling him what to do and attempts to control him). I guess I’m annoyed bc it’s like she’s telling me exactly how my child needs to be, and if she isn’t like that, I’m a failure Mom (I obviously know that’s not true).

My husband and I grew up VERY differently. I great up outside, getting dirty, camping, etc. He grew up indoors and going to malls for “fun”. Our children will be raised more similarly to how I was, outdoors, able to get dirty, explore, etc. Honestly, I hope I have a crazy wild child to piss off mil 😅 Like, do not try to control or contain MY child.

EDIT: My husband is very open to setting whatever boundaries are needed for our family!!! It took some time and practice, but he is 100% on board.