r/motherinlawsfromhell

Long post alert!

We’ve not spoken to my MIL in over two years.
Me and my husband have been together for almost 10 years. I’ve always had the typical strained relationship with my MIL (too many stories to tell) but nobody else. My in laws lived two hours away from us at the time. I didn’t hear from my in laws much throughout my pregnancy which was expected. Just a crib mailed to our house randomly that was different than I asked for because mine had 4.5 star reviews and hers had 4.6 stars.

My mom and grandmother flew in from out of state to help us get ready for the baby and to be in the room with me and my husband while my son was born. We’ve been very close my whole life since I didn’t have a dad in the picture. My in laws never offered any help even though they lived two hour away. We were moving three months after my son was born back to my home state where my family was for my husband’s work. Even though I’ve had a troubled past with my MIL, this was the first born grandchild and great grandchild on their side and I knew how important it was to meet him and spend time with him. I put my issues aside to all come together to enjoy the birth.

After not hearing from them in weeks, my husband called and texted his whole family (MIL, FIL, BIL, SIL, and grandparents in law) right when I got the news I was getting induced. (MIL AND FIL are divorced but still do family events together) also for context, my MIL is 50 years old and grandmother in law is 75 years old. They started asking him to find a hotel locally for them to stay at. Then started to complain the hotel closest to the hospital was all booked up. He told them he was preoccupied and if they could just Google somewhere else. He kept them updated on everything after that. I got admitted at 12pm and they were already going to the hotel. They kept asking if they could come to the hospital. My husband simply stated that he didn’t know when my water would break or when I would go into labor so he didn’t want to inconvenience them by making them stay in a waiting room for hours on end with no TV or entertainment. We couldn’t see them since we had the max amount of visitors. That was strike 1 to them and they were all annoyed. My water broke at 7pm, 7 hours later, and they headed over then to wait in the hospital. I had my son at 9pm. My labor and delivery all went smooth, it was an amazing experience!

We were all on cloud 9. My mom and grandmother stepped out of the room right after my son was born so my in laws could meet the baby ASAP. My husband went to get his family right away. They went straight to my son in the bassinet with phones in his face, not admiring him in person. They were in there for about 20 minutes crowding around my son and nurses while he got all his tests and shots done. BIL wasn’t there and they all told us that he was “too tired” to meet his first nephew. Later to find out, he was too drunk from dinner to come. But, that’s excusable behavior! I couldn’t even see my son but I was patiently waiting to hold him again for the first time. They finally left and I got to spend time with him and my husband for the first time as a family of 3.

The next day, my mom and grandmother stayed home to let us have our alone time. My in laws start asking to come to the hospital early in the morning. My husband asks if they could come later in the afternoon because I was learning how to breastfeed and my son was getting more tests done. They all give him attitude and didn’t listen to our wishes, they show up an hour later. I was shocked. My brother in law even brought his work laptop and set it up in the corner to work all day. My MIL starts taking pictures in my son’s face. Still keeping the peace, I asked everyone if they wanted to hold him and they all said no. I thought that was strange. My SIL asked if she could change his diaper. I felt all eyes on me and pressured and said yes. She changed his diaper before I could. I couldn’t even physically stand up for more than 2 mins since I was recovering from giving birth.

They stayed about 45 minutes until we asked them to leave since I was learning how to breastfeed. My grandmother in law says, “well we can just stay in the waiting room until you’re done and we can come back in”. My husband says no because we are exhausted and they leave all angrily again. That was strike 2. If they came later that day, they could’ve stayed later since we told them the schedule of everything.

The next day, we finally get to go home! They told us all morning we were going home at 12. So my husband told his family we were leaving at 12 all morning since they wanted to see him one more time before heading home. At 10am, they surprised us that we were going home at 11am. We were overjoyed and couldn’t wait to get settled back at home with our new baby boy!

We got home at 11am and my husband told his family we got home earlier than expected. We were going to eat and shower and then they could come over. I guess that was strike 3… MIL replies, “that’s okay we’re going to head home!”. … strange. He says “are you sure? You’re passing by on the way home. You can stop by if you have to leave now”. “Yes we are sure, bye!” Everything was very odd. I’m sitting with my son in my arms and 5 minutes later; we hear a banging on the front door, it’s my grandmother in law. She storms inside, MIL and rest of family in the car. I kept asking what’s going on. She said “oh nothing we don’t want to INTRUDE or anything” we kept saying it’s okay and we’re confused. I asked if she wanted to hold my son, she said in a horrible tone “that would be nice” and yanked my son out of my arms and pushed her phone in my face “TAKE PICTURES OF ME WITH HIM” she yells, then gives my son back to me. She only wanted to hold him for pictures. I started crying.

My husband goes outside to see what the deal was and my MIL starts screaming at him causing a huge scene. She accused us of “pushing her out of our lives” and that “they were going to get balloons to surprise us”. They could’ve still gotten these “balloons” or called or texted us to check in. They also have my mom’s phone number who they’ve known for years to ask to go inside when she’s at our house. No excuse for this behavior. My mom and grandmother are in shock and don’t know what to do. I followed my grandmother in law out the door while giving my mom my son. My MIL wouldn’t even look at me while I keep asking what did we did wrong and what’s going on while crying and the grandmother in law slams the car door shut. She had no desire to go inside to hold her first grandson, just wanted to ruin our special day. Everyone else was mute, which is normal. Then, they sped off.

The next day, the pediatrican sent us back to the hospital because my son developed jaundice (we shouldn’t of been sent home in the first place) and we were there for 4 more days. While we’re in the hospital again, my husband asks for an apology from my MIL and grandmother in law for ruining the most important day of our lives just because we got home an hour earlier and asked to shower/eat lunch, tells them their grandson/great grandson has jaundice and we were back at the hospital, and if they want to be in our son’s life, to make things right. MIL and grandmother in law blocked us off all social media and phones… To cause more trauma while our son is in photo light therapy and we can’t even hold him half of the time we’re there.

We moved back to my home state where we are near normal family and living a normal life without drama. I’m very grateful to have a loving family and my husband seeing how bad this behavior is. I’m grateful to have a peaceful life with my son. Our MIL was the first person to find out about my pregnancy. She has always been jealous of my family when they’ve been nothing but nice to her, and treated her son like their own. They never lived near her so she never had to see them. If we spent holidays with my family, we would spend them with his the year after and she would always ruin it by causing drama. But, I never thought my son’s homecoming would be ruined and cause a family divide.

My inlaws were the first people to meet our son, they were there all 3 days, refused to hold him, and caused a major scene. My MIL has never apologized and now my BIL is having a baby that she’s so excited for and essentially replacing my son with. I really thought we would get some sort of apology or communication by now. She’s never has asked about my son or reached out. She acts like her first grandchild doesn’t exist and it sickens me. Nobody in my husband’s family holds her accountable for cutting us out of her lives. She’s like the “Queen” of the family and everyone is scared of her even though she’s divorced from his dad. They all just speak to my husband separately but still barely visit us. Grandmother in law has since apologized to my husband only but then later on said more nasty things. We’ve even tried once again to reconcile with MIL for our son’s sake and she refused. I get so mad that my husband and especially my baby were treated like disposable garbage. I know it’s really for the best but I will always feel bad my husband had his mom do this to him and our family. It’s definitely affected his mental health also. I’m still traumatized and I hope I can have more children because I don’t want this to be my only birth experience. I’m experiencing personal issues that might affect that possibility and it all angers me. Does my MIL not even miss her son of 28 years? Does my MIL not even care about her first grandchild? How can my MIL get away with this and feel zero remorse for her actions more than 2 years later?

It’s been a month since my fiancé kicked out his mum from our house. Since then she moved all her stuff into a storage unit and remained in her room with all her kitchen appliances etc. she‘s also put up a sign saying "do not disturb I’m already disturbed" and is just really passive aggressive when we set up our own furniture.

She claimed to get an update on her unsold house that she needs the money from (we are in a one year delay and 4 deadlines she’s missed) but we‘ve heard absolutely nothing from her.

She still invites people over with no regard for our schedule and how our dog affects our time being able to rest because he gets extremely hyper and aware when we‘ve got guests. I‘m also just upset because she’s smoking inside her room not regarding how dirty and smelly it is. My partner told me he‘d find time to talk to her once he‘s off work.

But I’m so angry and fed up with this nonsense. She also claimed that selling the inherited house so she can buy her own one is solely for our benefit when she passes away. But I think that’s a bunch of bs because nothing would stop her from just keep claiming benefits and living in a 2 bedroom council house continuously. At this point I genuinely feel like she’s just making us suffer. She’s been so used to hiding away comfortably that she doesn’t know how society works anymore. No idea how hard the housing market is and how pricing works let alone cleanliness. I’m upset with myself for building up my future and wasting my resources trusting this woman.

What I also forgot to mention is that she is letting her sister live in her inherited mum‘s house for free whilst making us her own son pay for everything whilst living here with us because she can’t afford to pay the bills from her inherited houses anymore with her benefit money. It’s ridiculous we are burnt out working our butts off just for those people to sit around and damage the property by not taking care of things and not cleaning anything messing up the sales and our mental health. I feel like I’m going insane.

My bf and I just had our first baby a couple months ago and he just started daycare. We had mentioned buying a $100 safety 1st car seat to keep at their house in case im not able to pick him up. We even offered to buy it for them. She then went and bought both a used infant seat and convertible seat off fb from strangers and not new in the box. Mind you the infant seat cost $50 and the convertible was over $100… And when I voiced my concerns and said my son wouldn’t ride in those because both his dad and I value his safety over anything else, she got all defensive that we don’t appreciate anything she does. We both told her we appreciated the thought but since we don’t know the car seats history we don’t feel comfortable putting our son in it. Unfortunately this isn’t even the worst thing she’s done 🫠 are we being too picky or is she in the wrong here?

My husband and I were best friends for over a year when we suddenly realised we couldn't face a day without each other and we immediately got engaged. It shocked a lot of people but it is what felt right for us at the time.

I'm very understated and practical in the way I dress and so I wanted a ring to represent that. My MIL is the complete opposite. When my husband got the ring my MIL demanded to see it and when he showed it to her she was devastated and tried to force him to return it.

Fast forward, two years later to planning our wedding, MIL had a problem with every aspect of our plans. We are very different and I wanted a low key, outdoor, boho wedding while MIL wanted us to be in a church, over-the-top, black tie, etc. I didn't budge. She was so upset that we weren't getting married inside a church that she refused to RSVP and said "we aren't sure we will make it there on the day". We tried to ignore the emotional blackmail but my husband was understandably very upset. We just continued to keep their seats for them.

When planning the bridesmaids colours we just told both his parents and my parents that we just wanted them to not wear 2 colours (as that was the colours of the bridesmaids and groomsmen). Day of the wedding MIL shows up at the ceremony wearing the exact colour of my bridesmaids, and dark sunglasses.

When people approached her and congratulated her she solemnly responded "today I am losing a son". After almost 20 minutes of this the officiant confronted her and said "if this is your attitude, you will lose a son. But if you change your attitude you won't just keep your son but you will gain a daughter". All our ceremony photos still have her in the front row with her dark sunglasses and solemn look as if she was at a funeral.

Then at the reception she had a full outfit change and wore the other colour we asked her not to wear. She went table to table whispering in peoples ears, pointing at me and laughing. I was mortified, I didn't like being the centre of attention already so the day was already hard for me without her.

I almost ran away from my own reception and couldn't even eat anything at my own wedding because I felt so sick from stress with her. Almost 10 years later now and I still want to cry thinking about what she stole from my husband and I that day.

Today my husband and I told my in-laws about our plan of moving to my hometown so I could work and have childcare. We have an 8 month old son and I’m a registered nurse and haven’t been able go back to work due to not having any child care for my son. My mother in law is retired and healthy and is free all day and refuses to even care for my son for 1 hour and says that “she’s too old to change diapers” My husband and I don’t want to put our son in daycare and would prefer a trusted family member. So we decided to move to my hometown which is 4 hours away from my in-laws so that I can work full time and my mom can watch my son while I work. When we told my mil she ran to her room and slammed the door. Then she started crying hysterically and screaming. My husband tried to go talk to her but she started to throw and break things. My husband and I decided to go home and allow her to cool off. In which pissed her off even more and she threatened to poison herself… my husband had to go back and hold her and talk to her like she’s a child…I’m honestly so disturbed by her reaction. I have no words. She’s a 65 year old adult and she’s acting like she’s 10…

My narcissistic MIL disapproved of my BIL’s potential girlfriend because she didn’t make enough (even though she’s making 6 figures). Told him he needs to find someone who’s a little bit more capable. Very disturbed and wondering if this is how I was screened as well. Husband denies heavily this was the case for me.

**Title: My MIL became violent with me, I was arrested, and now I’m being accused of being the aggressor. What should I do?**

pls also don’t say anything abt divorce because biblically this doesn’t excuse it. nor is that a stand i want to take.

I’m looking for advice because I honestly don’t know what to do from here.
My MIL has always been hostile toward me, so over time I’ve gotten used to dismissing her behavior. On this particular day, she was hostile toward me pretty much all day. She was watching my husband and I’s 1-year-old son while we went out to celebrate a friend’s birthday.
While we were gone, she became angry and jealous and told us she was kicking us out of the house, but that she was keeping our baby until we “got our lives together.” My husband and I live with her, but she has said irrational things like this before, so neither of us initially took it seriously.
When we got home, she sent another message saying that only our baby could live with her and that my husband and I could not. Again, we basically ignored it.
A few moments later, she came into our room aggressively questioning me about her cameras being unplugged. I could tell she was already hostile, so I told her to discuss it with her son, my husband, who was in the bathroom at the time.
She started getting louder with me. My husband came out of the bathroom and tried to de-escalate the situation, but that made her even angrier because she does not like when he defends me.
She then started threatening to get violent.
This wasn’t the first time she or her 19-year-old daughter had made threats toward me. I’m 5’0 and around 110 lbs, while they are both significantly bigger than me, so I had previously bought pepper spray for my protection.
When my MIL said she was going to swing at me, I went to grab the unopened, still-sealed package of pepper spray. My husband told me that she was talking to him and not me at that moment, so I put the box down.
My MIL then became aggressively interested in the pepper spray and started pushing my husband out of the way to grab the box and open it.
At this point, my 1-year-old was sitting in his high chair in the middle of everything.
I was extremely worried about him being around all of this, so I told my husband to let me get to our son because I didn’t want him hearing or seeing the situation. However, because his mother was becoming violent, my husband wanted me to stay behind him for my protection.
I told her daughter to please grab my son and take him to another room or outside. Instead, she initially started instigating the situation, but eventually picked him up.
While my son was in her arms, she started trying to provoke me and saying things like, “What’s up with you?” and “You trying to get somebody for her? What’s up?”
I was telling her to stop and give me my son because I didn’t want to physically pull him away from her while she was holding him.
My husband heard the commotion and stepped in front of his sister because it appeared that she was becoming aggressive toward me.
While this was happening, my MIL had already opened the pepper spray package. She came over to us and physically grabbed/pulled me out from behind my husband, apparently trying to get to me.
I pushed her arm off of me.
She became even more aggressive, started calling me the B-word, and immediately began saying that I had hit her.
At this point, I was scared. I was yelling for them to give me my son because I just wanted to leave.
My husband grabbed our son, I took him from him, and I ran outside to my car.
My MIL followed me outside and started punching the glass of my car window as if she was trying to break it.
I started reversing, but then realized I needed to get my son safely into his car seat and get my husband into the car because his sister was becoming aggressive toward him.
I got out and put my son in his car seat. My MIL then tried to pull/break my car door. When she couldn’t get it broken, she reached into my car, took my keys, and ran back into the house with them.
She locked the keys inside the house, which meant I couldn’t leave.
At that point, I was trying to calm my husband down and telling him that we should just walk away or call the police because my phone and car keys were both inside the house.
Then the police arrived.
Three officers came and initially separated us so they could speak to everyone privately. I was speaking to one of the officers and trying to explain everything that had happened.
At some point, another officer came over, nodded to the officer speaking with me, and they stopped me from continuing. I was then detained.
I spent two nights in jail.
What I don’t understand is that I repeatedly tried to explain what happened, but I was told that my statement didn’t matter because they had already determined that I was the aggressor.
After I was released, I read the police report.
According to the report, my MIL told police that she had asked me to leave her house, I became upset, and I struck her in the chest.
That is not what happened.
There is another part that wasn’t accurately represented either. After she took my keys and locked them inside the house, I started banging on the door because I needed my keys and wanted to leave. She opened the door, got on top of me, and had her fist toward my face while saying that if I ever put my “MF hands” on her again, etc.
I put my hands between our chests and pushed her off of me.
Now I’m the one who was arrested and charged, and I’m struggling to understand how I ended up being labeled the aggressor when, from my perspective, I was trying to protect myself, get my child away from the situation, and leave.
There may also be camera/Ring footage related to what happened, but my MIL told police that the camera wasn’t loading.
I’m not posting this to get sympathy or to convince strangers that I’m automatically right. I genuinely want advice from people who have dealt with something similar.
**What should I be doing right now to protect myself legally and make sure the full story is heard?**
**Should I be trying to obtain the Ring footage, documenting everything, getting witnesses/statements, or doing something else?**
I’m in Florida, and there is now a criminal case against me.

So my fiance and i have been basically no contact with his mother for several months because she doesn’t respect boundaries or acknowledge my existence.

He just went to see her today which is fine because we want her at our future wedding, anyway. Our daughters 1st birthday past this early July and we made several posts on our Ig stories with the link to our registry and stated “no stuffies” and “do not get anything not on our registry before verifying with us” due to us getting so much stuff not on our registry for my baby shower and we didn’t have room for it as well as his mom specifically pushing for us to get shit that we deadass had nowhere to put and something i knew we wouldnt use 🙄

My fiance goes to see her today and theres a fuckin stuffie. Then i also see two envelopes that were deadass sealed and taped closed and they were broken and empty. There was money in it. She aint say shit even though she kept contacting him the whole time without response until he went over for a visit and she zelled him.

I know that people be having tough times and need money at the moment and whatnot, but who tf opens SEALED envelopes meant for a baby???? We wouldn’t have even known if he didn’t resume contact.

I know this shit is not that serious and my partner just started talking to her again (still no recognition of my existence,) but it just annoys me and is a pattern of just… like you don’t learn shit. You don’t understand shit.

I’m coming here so I don’t make it a bigger deal and ruin my man getting to talk to his mom. I just wish… i just wish this shit wouldn’t annoy tf outta me so i could live my life.

Just thought I'd get opinions from others. I have a baby shower coming up in less then 2 weeks, and my husband informed me today that his mom will be wearing a sash that let's everyone know she is the grandmother. Would also like to be introduced to my side of the invites as the grandmother.

I dont like this idea she has. Its our first child, and this shower is about him and I and our unborn child. I dont think the shower should be made about her and needs to inform people who the grandmother is.

If anyone can state their opinion. That would be great ! Just looking for advice.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. He is the youngest son and became very close to his mom when his parents divorced. Since she was a SAHM, he stayed with her to support her and took on a significant role in the household. His parents eventually reconciled and remarried.

When we started dating, his mom became upset about him spending weekends with me or coming home late, so he decided to move out about eight months ago.

She still hasn't accepted it. She regularly asks him to come back, calls him a bad son, says he's destroying the family, and repeatedly warns him not to let "other people manipulate him." Initially she blamed me directly, until my boyfriend shut that down and made it clear that his decisions were his own.

He still visits about once a month for birthdays and special occasions, but even those visits often turn into arguments about him leaving. I've only been to their house once because of all this.

Now to the text I sent his brother yesterday.

My boyfriend and I travel together, and we realized I don't have the contact information for anyone in his family.

He has my parents' and my sister's numbers in case something happens to me. So I asked him for someone in his family I could contact if there were ever an emergency where HE couldn't contact them himself.

His brother is around our age, so he gave me his number. He was perfectly nice to me when I met him before.

So I sent him basically:

"Hi brother-in-law, this is X, Y's girlfriend. He gave me your number for any emergency. So here I am if you ever need anything."

That was literally it.

He didn't respond.

He immediately blocked me and messaged my boyfriend:

"Y, your girlfriend messaged me. I would appreciate it if before sharing my contact information you asked me whether I consent."

My boyfriend explained that it was only intended as an emergency contact.

His brother responded that if my boyfriend has an emergency, he should contact their mom or dad because "they support you in everything no matter what happens." Which... idk, weird thing to say.

Then he said my boyfriend could contact him directly if he needed help.

Which completely misses the point. I would only need his number if my boyfriend COULDN'T contact his family himself.

And ofc he told their mother about it.

His mom started blowing up my boyfriend's phone, criticizing him for giving me the number and bringing everything back around to the same pattern of him making bad decisions and being a bad son.

It feels like there is no room in this family for my boyfriend to simply build an independent adult life.

He doesn't even like telling them when we're traveling because he expects his mom to react badly. Eight months after moving out, his independence is still seen as a literal betrayal.

His father mostly stays out of everything. From what ive heard he's very hardworking and helped his family and his sons a lot, but during any conflict or decision making he just sits there and doesent say anything.

The thing I'm extremely grateful for is my boyfriend's boundaries.

He has never asked me to tolerate disrespect or expected me to manage his mother. When she tried blaming me for him moving out, he immediately shut it down.

Even now, his response to me is basically: "I'll handle my family." And he does.

But I can see how exhausting this is for him.

I think part of him hoped his relationship with his brother existed outside of this dynamic with his mother.

Maybe I'm too close to this now, so I'm curious how this looks to people who have dealt with enmeshed families.

For those whose partners came from families like this: did things eventually calm down once the family realized their adult child wasn't coming back?

TL;DR: My boyfriend's mom has struggled with him moving out and still treats his independence like a betrayal, including repeatedly warning him not to let "other people manipulate him." I texted his brother after my boyfriend gave me his number as an emergency contact. He blocked me, involved their mom, and a simple text somehow became another family crisis.

In 2021, I had the discussion with my then boyfriend of settling abroad. He said yes and that’s when I started searching for jobs and got a good one. But then he declined to accompany me. I took the job nevertheless.

In 2023, he met a few girls, didn’t like them, eventually approached me, and since my job wasn’t going too well, I said okay to get along. This time again he put the condition that the marriage will happen only if I come back.

After getting married, I tried explaining him that I am unable to find a job and therefore if he could come and live with me to accommodate. He kept saying this wasn’t the condition of the marriage. One fine afternoon, 6 months after our marriage, I was having a general chitchat with my MIL who asked when I was coming back to which I told her that I am unable to find something and therefore I have asked my husband to come and live with me for couple of months and then we will sort it out. She immediately stepped in saying ‘He will not come. I want him close. Something will happen to me if he goes away from me, who will see to that?’

I was shell shocked at this statement, and when I asked my husband he said there’s nothing like this and said how dare I point out against his Mum. I felt guilty, didn’t say anything, left my job with nothing in hand and moved back with the pressure from both MIL and suicidal blackmail from husband, and just yesterday, his sister corroborated this exact statement from my MIL.

According to me, this statement bases out our entire marriage as this defines how he needs to live, how I need to live, and if we have kids, how we need to live. I believe this should have been communicated to me upfront, before marriage, because in that case I would have ended up cancelling the wedding. Its a sheer case of enmeshment otherwise. Am I right in thinking in this direction or is there a solution to this big issue because we can’t base things on what if something happens to MIL, it could apply to me too!

I really need some outside perspective because I honestly don’t know how to process what happened.
My husband and I were on vacation and visited his family for what was supposed to be a normal visit before we returned home. Instead, the entire day turned into something I never imagined would happen.
My MIL has a pattern of becoming angry with someone in the family and then taking that anger out on me. When she is upset, she stops talking to me, ignores me, and treats me as if I have done something wrong, even when I have no idea what I supposedly did. She has also been having problems with her daughter, and I know there are other things going on in her life, but I have always tried to stay out of their issues.
This time was completely different.
My husband defended me and told her that I hadn’t done anything to her and that he didn’t understand why she was treating me this way. She became extremely angry. She started calling me names and saying that I was manipulative. I was completely confused because I genuinely had not done anything to her.
Then things escalated horribly. She smashed a glass and tried to hurt herself.
I have never been so afraid in my life.
My husband was crying and apologizing to me, telling me that she is sick and that none of this is my fault. I know he is also suffering because this is his mother, and I feel terrible seeing him like this. But I was completely traumatized by what happened. I was shaking and didn’t know what I was supposed to do.
She even told my husband that he should divorce me.
I keep asking myself: Why is this happening to me when I have never intentionally done anything to her?
I don’t want to be involved in constant family conflict. I don’t want to be the person she takes her anger out on whenever she is upset with someone else. And after what happened, I honestly don’t feel comfortable putting myself in that situation again.
I’m also worried about my husband because he is caught between his mother and me. I love him, but I’m exhausted by all of this and I don’t know what the healthy way forward is.
Has anyone experienced something similar with a MIL or a family member who behaves this way? How do you set boundaries when someone is emotionally unstable and has also threatened or attempted to hurt themselves?
I really need advice on how to handle this without making the situation even worse

For those of you who are low contact with your milfh, how did you handle them meeting the baby? The very thought of her coming near my baby makes me irrationally upset, but i also respect that this is also my husbands baby and he is not ready to go NC with his family. At minimum I'm wanting to wait a month for me to be well recovered. I almost dont want to be around for it, but also dont want them thinking they can be around my kid without me.

My partner has an interesting family dynamic; His parents divorced 2 decades ago but they never remarried or had any other relationships. They're still very involved with each other's families. His mother reminisces on her wedding day at times. I would have no idea they were divorced just from this behavior (they don't live together or anything though.) She expressed a strong disdain toward men to me privately once. She's different around people versus privately (like most people).

I've already sensed a lack of support for our relationship from the first time I met her. She also is very contrarian toward me, everything I say she disagrees with or tries to make a shady comment. She tries to find ways to put me down. She finds something wrong with everything I say so I don't really talk much around her. She doesn't do it as much around people because I shut her down when she did that once in front of others. My partner supported me.

I believe she never actually healed from her divorce. And while maintaining some sort of illusion of a marriage, seeing me and her son together may have forced her to confront uncomfortable feelings. My partner has also only had 1 other girlfriend before me and he's 30. I wonder if his mother expected him to stay single with her. You know, that dynamic where some single mothers replace a partner with their son in ways.

I always hoped to have a healthy relationship with my future mother-in-law. Especially since I have no relationship with my own parents. The rest of his family really like me, including his dad. But I think we'll be more of a nuclear family than anything.

Has anyone else experienced this with their partner's mom or anything similar? Any advice for dealing with a MIL who might be bitter, jealous, or insecure?

My husband had a birthday a couple of months ago. He decided he wanted to go to The Keg for his birthday meal, so about ten days before, we invited around 10 people, including his parents.

MIL made a big deal about it, saying we were expecting too much and that a meal at The Keg was too expensive for everybody and that we should have a BBQ at our house instead. My husband and I are tired of always bending for her and told her no. Everybody else was fine with The Keg, and they also confirmed they were going, so we didn’t want to change the plans.

She got mad and said she wouldn’t be coming for dinner. We haven’t heard much from her since. Well, a couple of weeks ago, she announced that for her upcoming birthday, she would like to have dinner at The Keg and invited us for dinner. We said fine, we will see you there, not wanting to play into her little game. My SIL phoned before dinner and asked if we could split MIL’s meal as a birthday present. I said no because we had already bought her something. Now, the SIL is pissed off.

Apparently, my husband isn’t good enough for The Keg, but my MIL is?

Through a lot of disassociation, my partner and I have managed to live with his mother for 4 years. The decision for her to live with us was originally due to her partner passing away and us having a newborn, but her stay with us has reached far past its expiry date.

Through those years, her behavior has become outright inappropriate.

It started with underhanded comments about our parenting skills to a point where she now attempts to manage us on a daily basis. For example, in a span of five minutes when getting my son ready for school she asks: did you get his lunch, did you get him a water bottle, is the water fresh, did you get him an extra pair of clothes, is it a swim day. We've called her out for managing us and she quickly recoils...only to come back with a memory of goldfish a few days later.

We've made the decision she needs to move out.

Has anyone else dealt with breaking up with a MIL and telling her to move out? Any advice? We expect her to have extreme emotional outbursts and attempt painful manipulative tactics over this decision.

Me and my bf got in an argument and it wasn’t even serious, it was just a petty argument. He went home and I’m assuming seemed upset so his mom asked him if he was okay, he said yea and just explained that we had argued but nothing in depth and then she texted me “if you don't want to stick around I understand”
Like ???

I’ve been living with my mother-in-law, my boyfriend, and my oldest son for about three months. I had a baby a month and a half ago. My mother-in-law, who is

the mother of two—both of whom are grown men now—thinks she has the right to raise both my oldest son and my baby her way. With my oldest, she tries to correct the way he speaks, even though she herself speaks terribly—worse than the child does. With the youngest, she even calls him things a woman should only call her boyfriend, and then every time she picks up my baby, she says she doesn’t have any milk because if she did, she’d breastfeed him. As for the children—and I’m speaking for my boyfriend here—she treats him as if he were her boyfriend or her ex-husband, who is the father of her children. She touches him inappropriately, walks into the bathroom while he’s showering or using the restroom. She throws tantrums when things don’t go her way, and he has to put her above everyone else—even our son. She says his life belongs to her and no one else, but then when we’re out on the street together, she won’t even let me get close to my boyfriend or our baby—she’s the one who has to walk right next to them. I took a course to become a dental assistant and was talking to her son about an internship, and she said I should have done the internship right away after I’d just had a C-section when my baby was born. She justified this by saying, “I’m on vacation, so I can stay home with the baby”—and, by the way, my baby is breastfed and doesn’t drink formula.

She said right away that you should pump your milk, and I would always keep it at home. Later, I tried to talk to my boyfriend about her comment, and his response was, “It’s just a suggestion.” However, I never asked this woman for any suggestions regarding that matter. As for the kids, she’s already admitted to me that the only reason she doesn’t kiss them on the mouth anymore is because they already have girlfriends. If it were up to her, she’d even sleep with them forever, even though they have girlfriends. The other day she even told me that back when her son started dating and she didn’t know about it, her ex-boyfriend was right—there was someone else, and that “someone else” was me. She was basically comparing herself to one of his girlfriends—in this case, me

sorry for the very long post

Every 6 months or so my MIL will come across country to spend anywhere from 1-4 weeks at our house. She never buys her return ticket and always leaves earlier than she wants because she gets pissed off. ATP husband and I have been together for 6 years and she's taken a trip to see us at least 7 times in the past few years. My husband and I have full physical and legal custody over my step son 8 who has been in our care full time for 4 years. Now heres where my complaints and ranting comes in. As a family we've worked so hard to create and keep a tight schedule, 1 hour of device time on weekdays (even during vacation), weekends screen time is allowed after lunch until 6pm generally these 6 hours are broken up by trips into town and playing games as a family. Obviously I know Grandma is coming so we will have some disruptions but the extent of everything has me at my wits end. MIL has given 8yo her phone every morning since last Tuesday, he gets on the phone at 6am and isn't off it till bed at 8pm. I've tried telling her and 8yo that he needs to take a break, play outside, read a book, just something to get him off a phone, if I even slightly tell 8yo to do anything MIL gives him her phone and tells him to "go to your room before your mom gets mad". Last night when she said it I snapped, "Don't tell my child to leave me alone because he's a child and isn't who is getting on my nerves. Children don't get on my nerves you do." in the moment I felt so proud of myself it was meet with her deadpan staring at the tv not even giving me a glance. MIL also smokes cigarettes in my house and lets 8yo be around it. I tell her I don't like it and she still does it. She gets mad at me for mothering and it makes me feel like less of a mother, not that I am in her eyes anyway. Husband is super supportive of me and understands how his mother acts if it were to come from husband and not me she would be vindictive and probably drag us through a battle with cyfd. Thanks in advance for any advise.