u/travelitout

In 2021, I had the discussion with my then boyfriend of settling abroad. He said yes and that’s when I started searching for jobs and got a good one. But then he declined to accompany me. I took the job nevertheless.

In 2023, he met a few girls, didn’t like them, eventually approached me, and since my job wasn’t going too well, I said okay to get along. This time again he put the condition that the marriage will happen only if I come back.

After getting married, I tried explaining him that I am unable to find a job and therefore if he could come and live with me to accommodate. He kept saying this wasn’t the condition of the marriage. One fine afternoon, 6 months after our marriage, I was having a general chitchat with my MIL who asked when I was coming back to which I told her that I am unable to find something and therefore I have asked my husband to come and live with me for couple of months and then we will sort it out. She immediately stepped in saying ‘He will not come. I want him close. Something will happen to me if he goes away from me, who will see to that?’

I was shell shocked at this statement, and when I asked my husband he said there’s nothing like this and said how dare I point out against his Mum. I felt guilty, didn’t say anything, left my job with nothing in hand and moved back with the pressure from both MIL and suicidal blackmail from husband, and just yesterday, his sister corroborated this exact statement from my MIL.

According to me, this statement bases out our entire marriage as this defines how he needs to live, how I need to live, and if we have kids, how we need to live. I believe this should have been communicated to me upfront, before marriage, because in that case I would have ended up cancelling the wedding. Its a sheer case of enmeshment otherwise. Am I right in thinking in this direction or is there a solution to this big issue because we can’t base things on what if something happens to MIL, it could apply to me too!

My brother’s student visa got rejected - received the passport on 01 August. We had applied at BLS Chandigarh on 21 July. The reason for rejection was something to do with the university, and university provided all the relevant documents now. In the meantime, the financial proofs which we were showing comprised of his savings bank account, mutual funds and fixed deposits out of which maximum amount was resting in mutual funds for a long time. Considering visa authorities value savings bank balances more, we withdrew those mutual funds and they have now been credited to his savings bank account. Is there a time limit until which that amount retention needs to be shown in savings bank account before applying for the visa again. His course starts in October so just concerned that it doesn’t get delayed if we submit the application too late. We have an appointment for coming Friday, but if the amount would be an issue (consider credits of around 10000 Euros), we would rather hold it for one more week, but not beyond that as course starts in October. We do have MF redemption statements showing these were held for more than 2.5 years. Inputs are really welcome.