u/Fcktwat1

So my fiance and i have been basically no contact with his mother for several months because she doesn’t respect boundaries or acknowledge my existence.

He just went to see her today which is fine because we want her at our future wedding, anyway. Our daughters 1st birthday past this early July and we made several posts on our Ig stories with the link to our registry and stated “no stuffies” and “do not get anything not on our registry before verifying with us” due to us getting so much stuff not on our registry for my baby shower and we didn’t have room for it as well as his mom specifically pushing for us to get shit that we deadass had nowhere to put and something i knew we wouldnt use 🙄

My fiance goes to see her today and theres a fuckin stuffie. Then i also see two envelopes that were deadass sealed and taped closed and they were broken and empty. There was money in it. She aint say shit even though she kept contacting him the whole time without response until he went over for a visit and she zelled him.

I know that people be having tough times and need money at the moment and whatnot, but who tf opens SEALED envelopes meant for a baby???? We wouldn’t have even known if he didn’t resume contact.

I know this shit is not that serious and my partner just started talking to her again (still no recognition of my existence,) but it just annoys me and is a pattern of just… like you don’t learn shit. You don’t understand shit.

I’m coming here so I don’t make it a bigger deal and ruin my man getting to talk to his mom. I just wish… i just wish this shit wouldn’t annoy tf outta me so i could live my life.

So, i haven’t spoken to MIL since my baby shower when i tried to put boundaries and she tweaked to her son about me. See more info in my other post here but anyway,

My partner and i have BOTH been no contact for this whole year so far and she hit me up today with a text that says

“Hello OP,
Hope all is well with you and your family. Sorry to trouble you.

Could you please tell OP’s Partner if he could please give me a call.

Thank you.”

This annoyed me bc she has not spoken to me in a year and actively ignored all texts ive sent her before we both decided to go no contact and take visitation of our daughter, its also been months of her son ignoring her and she knows he’s ignoring her, this is the second message ive ignored of her asking me to tell him to call her.

I left her on seen and she followed up 20 min later with:

“Hello OP,

I wanted to see if it’s ok with you and OP’s partner and if I can see peanut one, two or three days this week.

OP’s sister is moving this weekend to Florida and would love to see your pressure little baby peanut.

I’ll be off the next three days.
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday

Thank you.
MIL”

MIND YOU HIS SISTER TRIED TO KILL ME AT ONE POINT AND I TOLD HER AT MY BABY SHOWER I DID NOT WANT MY BABY AROUND THAT GIRL AND SHE DID IT ANYWAY!

It took everything in me not to tweak out. THIS, i did not ignore though

I responded with:

“Unfortunately, there have been major issues and disrespect between you and I and Partner’s sister and I’s relationship that have yet to be addressed that prevent visitation with Partner and I’s daughter and y’all.

I apologize if previous visitations made this confusing as we were attempting to be kind and had my judgement clouded, your further actions and words during those visits helped clear it up for us.

Thank you.”

The last message my partner sent his mom before ghosting her was “Respectfully you need to understand you can't see the baby until everyone is friends or acquaintances. This is just how it is right now” and silence on our end, she kept texting and calling him after and never acknowledged what he said and didn’t understand why he was ignoring her for months. I have been wanting to tell her straight up for mad long that she was wild fuckin disrespectful and violated mad boundaries with my daughter and will not be seeing us until it’s addressed or honestly just wanting to violate and let her know what’s happening for the entire time bc she didnt seem to understand.

I went the mature route but it feels good to say this, i wont be engaging after this. I just really wanted to be able to finally put my two cents in and be direct.

LET ME CLARIFY:

His mother has only ever contacted me twice asking me to get him to answer the phone, one being this time and I left her on seen. I replied to her question bc i have been wanting to come at her neck for MAD LONG but dont want to randomly just wild out without her directly saying something to me. This was my way of being able to let her know that it is very intentional that she will not be seeing my daughter because of her actions and that i know what she has said and done. My partner is really bad at communicating and holding boundaries until the start of this year when he abruptly cut her off without explaining anything to her after having let her do a bunch of bullshit without real consequence. I am 100% maturely being a bitch bc i have wanted to bug out on her. I want her to give me the opportunity to bug out (properly/maturely/actually address the issue and call her out on her shit) as we have literally never had the conversation. She only spoke to her son instead of me the entire time and has never really acknowledged me until i was pregnant and then i put boundaries and she stopped talking to me while i was pregnant.

I’m annoyed because I was told I’m delaying the process because they don’t have all my documents —
After you are contacted for initial documents of social security, ID, income, you will then be emailed a long document that they give you 2 days to fill out and they want a real signature on the form (if you save the document and download docusign and send it to yourself to sign, that helps)

They don’t right then and there tell you that you need all of these other documents and THAT is what drags the process!!! I have all my documents ready and every time I’m asked for them I respond immediately and send them in but I’m being asked for each document on separate days then told I’m holding up the process 🙃

Anyway, to avoid this all for anyone who finally gets reached out to

1. Have an album in your phone with photos of the front and back of your (and other household member’s) ID (Child’s birth certificate if applicable,) Social Security Card, and your paystubs.

2. Once you have to fill out that packet!!! This is where you should just send in AS MUCH OR ALL THE DOCUMENTS IMMEDIATELY! Or you can make the file and save it for after you view the apartment;
   • Most recent bank statements including cashapp, savings, checkings and make sure you label the files with your name and what it is because they can be slow af and ask you who’s is who’s and what is what even though they can open the file and clearly see the bank name and owners name 😐
   • A signed letter or your lease from the landlord that states the address and rent amount with their name and phone number. You can even type up the letter yourself and send it to them with docusign, email your landlord the PDF, have them save the PDF and then email it to the housing person (this is what I did, or you can just have them literally write on a sheet of paper)
   • Proof of rent payment via a rent ledger that you can also make yourself and have your landlord sign vis docusign or on paper, or show zelle payments, checks, etc. or you can pay them to run a credit check.
   • Your most recent tax statement which you can get on the IRS website and download for free.

- One of the forms needs your employer to sign it verifying your start date, your YTD payment, hourly rate, etc. You can fill all that out yourself and look at your most recent paystub to see YTD payment. Then use docusign and email it to your manager to sign.

BOOM! That knocks off A LOT of waiting time and helps you beat other people fighting for the same apartment.

Then they send your file to 3rd party which is fairly fast reviewing then back to HDC which is slower and if everything checks out you get to sign your lease.

I’m annoyed because I was told I’m delaying the process because they don’t have all my documents —
After you are contacted for initial documents of social security, ID, income, you will then be emailed a long document that they give you 2 days to fill out and they want a real signature on the form (if you save the document and download docusign and send it to yourself to sign, that helps)

They don’t right then and there tell you that you need all of these other documents and THAT is what drags the process!!! I have all my documents ready and every time I’m asked for them I respond immediately and send them in but I’m being asked for each document on separate days then told I’m holding up the process 🙃

Anyway, to avoid this all for anyone who finally gets reached out to

1. Have an album in your phone with photos of the front and back of your (and other household member’s) ID (Child’s birth certificate if applicable,) Social Security Card, and your paystubs.

2. Once you have to fill out that packet!!! This is where you should just send in AS MUCH OR ALL THE DOCUMENTS IMMEDIATELY! Or you can make the file and save it for after you view the apartment;
   • Most recent bank statements including cashapp, savings, checkings and make sure you label the files with your name and what it is because they can be slow af and ask you who’s is who’s and what is what even though they can open the file and clearly see the bank name and owners name 😐
   • A signed letter or your lease from the landlord that states the address and rent amount with their name and phone number. You can even type up the letter yourself and send it to them with docusign, email your landlord the PDF, have them save the PDF and then email it to the housing person (this is what I did, or you can just have them literally write on a sheet of paper)
   • Proof of rent payment via a rent ledger that you can also make yourself and have your landlord sign vis docusign or on paper, or show zelle payments, checks, etc. or you can pay them to run a credit check.
   • Your most recent tax statement which you can get on the IRS website and download for free.

- One of the forms needs your employer to sign it verifying your start date, your YTD payment, hourly rate, etc. You can fill all that out yourself and look at your most recent paystub to see YTD payment. Then use docusign and email it to your manager to sign.

BOOM! That knocks off A LOT of waiting time and helps you beat other people fighting for the same apartment.

Then they send your file to 3rd party which is fairly fast reviewing then back to HDC which is slower and if everything checks out you get to sign your lease.