Hey guys, my mom recently got rid of my cat when I was staying at my boyfriend‘s house during the weekend. she didn’t even tell me, i literally came home and my cat was gone. I am currently in the process of moving out of my mother‘s house and into my boyfriends and he is very allergic to cats. I have had previous conversations with her and she said that she was more than willing to take care of my cat. and I said if not, I would find a home for her. I also pay for all medical bills and food but unfortunately the cat is in my mom’s name. This cat is very special to me and I don’t even know where she is. I have now moved up my move in date and I’m not sure if I want a relationship with my mom AIO

Please read my other posts to get a better understanding of my situation. Im in 6th form and today I had a free lesson at school so I go outside to take a walk. Im walking alone. I look behind me and i see my dad running after me and looking like hes about to die. His face is red and he looks like hes about to start crying. At this point I feel so embarrassed because at this time other people from my school were also leaving since it was break. Im feeling super confused at that moment because i dont know where the hell he even came from. All of a sudden he starts saying to me “i saw the guy i saw the guy” because he thinks i have a boyfriend even tho i dont. I wasnt even walking with anyone i was walking all alone so im confused who the fuck he was even talking about. I felt so embarrassed and mad because where the hell did he even come from hes supposed to be at work this time? I feel like he was hiding in his car near my school to keep an eye on me. Im so fucking scared and terrified. Im typing this at school right now. Im scared whats gonna happen when i go home. Im holding in my tears right now because theres other people besides me. I cant wait to leave this hell honestly i just want to die so i can get this all over with.

So I am a 46 year old Female. I intentionally moved 7 hours away from my Parents living in a Coastal Town in Florida.

My parents are very religious and conservative. I am the entire opposite and they despise me for that. I feel it. I try to maintain all peace I can however because I see through their facade, and have actual pity for them deep down.

I have been suffering with a sinus and an ear infection for a week now. On Antibiotics, telling my Mother I didn’t think it was the best time for them to come visit. She didn’t care and came anyways with my Father. They got here on Thursday and I’m very ill, trying to keep peace and be a nice host anticipating the moment they leave so I can rest. Well,last night on the 4th of July, she decorates herself in a giant American Flag and is anxious to go downtown to celebrate all for Facebook pictures. I know what it is and was about.

She pouts that I don’t feel well and it’s ruining her vibe energy and so I pull myself together and walk 2 miles feeling like utter shit and stop and sit down. Tell my parents to go ahead without me and enjoy. I will wait but I am dehydrated so I’m gonna rest. She gets upset and says if I’m not going she’s not. All for reverse psychological triangulation with my father.

Well, what happens next is mind blowing.

My Father gets so mad he KICKS a public trash can downtown in front of lots of people walking. Demands to walk 5 miles back to my house and so I have to walk back to my car with my mother drive home. Wait for my dad to arrive at my house. Big theatrics of they are leaving (it’s 8 pm now) and driving 7 hours back home. I am absolutely traumatized and to maintain peace I ask them to stay and leave in the morning. They do and left at 6 am this morning without even a goodbye.

He has become more violent in the past two occasions in different situations but this in public was beyond alarming to me.

He is 70 and my mother is 68 years old. I failed to mention he is a Pastor as well.

Any advice on how to deal with this. I love alone and not married no kids so they feel entitled to show up anytime. But they use me as a vacation and act like it’s them caring to spend time with me. When in fact, they don’t even like me deep down because I’m everything they aren’t.

Advice please. Thanks it’s my first Reddit post because I’m just trying extremely upset on what to do about this.

Would you let your mom speak to you like this ?

Hi It's me Your mother I'm just calling because I feel like I need to get some stuff off my chest I've text you Called you I've done everything that I can And hopefully you're OK And there's nothing wrong. I'm a little worried about that. Be honest with you I I am so tired. I don't even know what I've done. That you're not that you can't even you don't even have the respect Give me a text and say I need space I know I just need some time or I don't even know what is happening with you Common courtesy and respect I want and I need it and I deserve it. I'm not a perfect person. I am not a perfect mother and I live with that every f#cking day of my life. But I gotta tell you right now and I feel like sh#t I feel like total That I am so tired Of wondering, what is going on with you? I know you look at me and you look at my family like you're hillbillies and you have this perfect life with this perfect house in this perfect bathroom. Everything is perfect. I'm not perfect. I know I'm not perfect But I'm a good person. I'm a good human being. I was there for you when you needed help I was took care of your kids. 

I will try to keep this as short as I possibly can.

I was pursuing a healthcare degree and I ended up switching my course in my 2nd year due to not liking the course, anxiety from being there and also being bullied on that course. It got so bad I couldn’t even bring myself to show up to the lectures or anything to do with the course, so naturally I was already failing. I ended up switching to a Business degree which is more in line with what I want to do and I start that in September, back in first year again.

My parents are very success driven and sometimes I feel like my worth is attached to what I achieve and materialistic things (for example when I was 11 I failed the 11+ test (grammar test) by a few marks and my parents made me lie to all my peers and their parents that I passed because they were embarrassed by me. Before going to uni I asked them if I could take a gap year because I had no idea what I wanted to do and they said no because they thought taking a gap year was embarrassing. I was basically kinda forced to pick a course and I chose the healthcare one because it was impressive, looked good on paper and I wanted to impress them (I also used to be very success driven rather than focusing what I actually wanted or what was best for me. I just mainly did everything I could to impress my parents but a lot of the time I was never enough for them, and me moving away, and finding myself is part of the reason why I’m in this situation now). ANYWAY moral of the story is they like to feel better than everyone else.

Part of that involved them paying for my tuition fees upfront, meaning that I never received a student loan. They felt as tho having a loan holds you back, so yes. I knew switching my course would hurt them so I was partly prepared to be disowned and never hear from them again. They did cut me off financially for a bit, got called a bunch of names, etc etc but it is what it is. Eventually we talked it out more but they hold “everything they’ve done for me” over my head, including paying my tuition fees. They are going to pay for my new degree but I feel like it’s just another thing to boost there ego because they know they can afford it, and like I said they like to be better than everyone else. I was going to accept it but it’s been 4 months since they knew about me switching my course and they still continue to call me names and look down on me. They’ve said things like “your the reason why your sister can’t leave for university when it’s her turn because we can’t afford it” “your the reason why we can’t go on holiday this year”, “you’ve embarrassed and let down the family”. This is all lies. For example, they aren’t going on holiday this year for a completely different reason, but they are just using me as an excuse. I know they are trying to make me feel bad and don’t like what I’ve done but I wasn’t happy.

I’ve spent my whole life trying to impress them and was very hard on myself as when i achieved things they were minimal, but when I let them down it was detrimental. I just never felt like I was enough. Switching my course is the one thing I’ve done for me and I’m getting a lot of hate from them for it. They’ve also said I take accountability for nothing, but like I know that I’ve fucked up and this decision is a lot. I know I’ve hurt them but it’s been 4 months and literally every conversation I have with them still ends with me in tears. Every phone call goes back to me switching my course and why I let them down. I care about their feelings but I was also very stressed out with this decision, I was stressed out being on a course I hate, with people that hated me. I was going through a lot. (I’ve been bullied before in the past and if I was being bullied on a course i genuinely liked ofc that would suck but I think being somewhere I didn’t even want to be AND being bullied there on top of it just added salt to the wound).

Also my parents said that I owe them £30k randomly today. (20k plus interest) for the money they spent on my tuition fees. I did say I’d pay them back for switching my course a while ago as I felt guilty about it and I still do but the interest thing came out of no where today. It’s stuff like that where they just add on and hold things over my head, which makes me feel even more shitty about myself.

ANYWAY I know I’m still rambling a lot. The point is I’m thinking about cutting off my parents. I just feel very emotionally unsafe, not loved etc etc. I do have enough money myself to pay for my own tuition fees and rent for the first year but after that I don’t know what I will do if I don’t get a job (I have been applying for jobs but because my parents never really let me break free I have no experience so it’s pretty hard to get one (they told me I couldn’t get a job when I was 16 and just to focus on my studies so obviously I listened). I just don’t know if I should apply for sfe, pay for it myself, or try hatch things out with my parents. I have told them about cutting them off before and they apologised and realised they can be a bit harsh sometimes, but then their behaviour still continues.

So ya I’m just asking for advice really 🤔

I do know a lot of this is my fault and there were a lot of time when I was younger where I could have stood up to them, like taking a gap year for instance but I guess I was just scared and believed and trusted in their authority a lot more then I do now. I’m just trying to move forward in the best way possible for me even if that means them not being in my life. They’ve honestly caused me a lot of stress and emotional damage. I know I’ve hurt them and I hate that I’ve hurt them but it’s gotten to a point that my mental health is suffering at their expense.

And I know I’ve said a lot but this truly is a short summary of everything as a lot more stuff happened but this is the best way I can explain it as short as possible. And if you disagree with anything I’ve said don’t be afraid to say what you truly think in the comments. I honestly just want everyone’s honest unbiased opinion :)

And if you want me to elaborate on anything then just lemme know :)

I’ve told you guys a synopsis of my NPE story, and I appreciate the support. I have decided to cease any and all contact with my mother and her other children. Anyone in the family can get it at this point.
My mother has done nothing to help me work through the trauma that she caused. Now, my oldest daughter is being affected by her narcissistic behaviors.

Most of my family looks up to my mom. I have no idea why. But nevertheless, they do. So when she and I went through the daddy reveal when I was almost 45, she wanted me to keep the secret. I was an emotional wreck after her 4-minute call. Alone at home with an 18-month-old. I thank God for bringing my youngest through one of my roughest times. I’m a veteran with diagnosed severe PTSD and spinal issues.
So I shut down to the outside world so I could be there mentally for my college student and my toddler. This is when she started calling family and friends saying, “She won’t talk to me. I don’t know what’s going on with her.” And family (not knowing why) told her to forget about me, don’t let your children stress you out. They never knew why I wasn’t talking to her, and they didn’t want to hear it from me. When I told a few family members, they would always remind me that people hid stuff.
Now my oldest daughter is catching strays from the family. They don’t communicate with her because they don’t communicate with me. Graveside at my nephew’s funeral, my mother’s youngest sister speaks to everyone but my daughters… and me. I addressed it with my mother, but I knew what that was. So I’m out. I refuse to subject my family to this level of manipulation and dysfunction. When all I’ve wanted was a conversation and for her to be honest to all parties involved.
She’s already started calling friends and family making them think I’m having a psychotic breakdown. She wants sympathy. Next she will have someone call me from a hospital. Like she’s dying from a panic attack. After that, she’ll try using money to lure me closer. Nothing will work. The difference is this time I’m telling everything to anyone that calls me. Everything to everyone hits her where it hurts; truth hurts a lie. Sorry for rambling. Thank you for reading.

I’m now 17 years old and my mother kept her word and kicked me out. I thought she wouldn’t do it or maybe I hoped she wouldn’t because I’m her daughter but she hates all her children so I’m not surprised. She let me take a few things like my clothes and toiletries among a few other things. Yet wouldn’t let me take my birth control pills or my medicine for my mental illness not surprised on that because she takes them every time she’s mad at me. I’m not going to call her and beg to go back because I’m too tired of her bull crap. I’m staying with a friend I met online till I turn eighteen. He’s a good guy and is willing to help me get on my feet I’m glad to have a place to stay for a while. I haven’t tried to get in touch with my dad’s side of the family because they want nothing to do with my mother and plus they don’t know that he had children with her plus I don’t want to be the one to tell them that their son is dead. I don’t feel that’s my place because I don’t know these people and I don’t want to get to know them.

I’m going to (unfortunately) have to see and speak to my abusive birth givers after 6 years of estrangement.

Anyone have any tips or strategies you would use to not give them any power?

This will be in my childhood home, not in public. There will be someone else there, so I won’t physically be in danger.

I know they’re delusional as fuck and evil, I will try to barely speak to them, but other than that, I don’t know what to do to deal with this when they are in front of me…

I am actually very new to Reddit. I literally just made this account and this is my first post.. so please forgive my ignorance lmao. But I am a 31F. I have no one to turn too family wise. My father passed when I was 16. Parent wise he was my HERO and my only REAL PARENT. He was a shining example of what a parent SHOULD BE. Unfortunately, he also lost his father @ 3. So I never had a grandfather. His mother and my aunt (dad’s sister) are the CLOSEST THING I EVER HAD TO MOMS. honestly my grandmother more than my aunt. She was mom. Sadly, I never got to appreciate them for the role they so heavily in my youth. When my father passed I got really angry with everyone and everything. NOW for the villain of our story. The human incubator I affectionately call her now or my biological mother in official terms. THIS WOMEN IS THE DEFINITION OF WHAT THEY MAKE DOCUMENTARIES ABOUT. She is pure evil. One day maybe I’ll drop the lore on her. But long story short I went no contact with her when I was 27. And over the past couple years I have never felt so alone in my life. I watch everyone w their families being able to go ask their parents for help advice or even just shoulder to cry on. If not their parents they have someone. But not me.. I don’t know how to heal any of this and I feel wrong for just wanting to be treated like I deserve a family….. if anyone could give me some advice guidance god jus a ear to listen… again im sorry this is long.. my heart has been heavy and I see people on YouTube going to Reddit and finding community and just not feeling well so here I am. This is my first throw of a life vest if you will.
And to the people who actually read this 🥂

*UPDATE* TL,DR: I don’t forgive my mother for any of her actions while growing up, and she never contacted me about making amends. AIO for not wanting to forgive her and remaining nearly no-contact? I responded to her latest message

I’ve never had a good relationship with my mother. The entire time I was growing up it felt like she resented me and would constantly use me as a bargaining chip against my dad. I am the youngest and the only daughter my mother has.

She never taught me how to be a woman because she herself wasn’t very feminine. Hair, makeup, feminine hygiene, sexual education- all had to be self taught. This led to various dangerous situations that I’m surprised I survived and didn’t get impregnated. She never noticed a change and I couldn’t trust her for support.

Emotions that weren’t hers were shut down and not allowed to be felt. She was a hoarder and I think still is based on the last in-person interaction I had with her almost 2 years ago. Our home was disgusting and remained that way even after my dad left her.

The beginning of the end:

When I was 12, my oldest half brother ran away from home in the middle of the night and my mother blamed my dad, my brother revealed it was mostly her, and partially my dad because he was too strict and my mom was too rude to his girlfriend, now wife (14 years strong- I’m glad he got out) She was jealous and started saying we hated her, and would constantly compare me to my dad and say how horrible he was. She resented me because I was his pride and joy, and was the most like him.

He wasn’t the best dad in the world and I resented him for a long time and he used to beat the crap out of me and my brother (mostly me) when we didn’t do the chores or got bad grades.
My parents argued all the time. It often resulted in broken glass and me cleaning up because my other brother would leave.

13-14 I was the only one left to deal with their arguments, I would separate them and console my mother even though having heard every argument and everything thrown I would usually hear that my dad was a few minutes late from work and she was accusing him of cheating.

When I was 15, I took an entire bottle of Tylenol, and half a bottle of Midol. I don’t know why I did it. Maybe because I felt so alone but instead of helping me, she made it about herself, she wouldn’t let my dad or brothers visit me in the mental hospital. They took my door off my room and put a lock on the medicine cabinet it was still there by the time I moved out. My dad started to realize I was the only sane one left at the house since my brother completely left and moved in with his girlfriend and started couch surfing just to stay away from the house. My dad would bring me breakfast and wake me up for school since he worked nights and would often work overtime.

When I was 16, my parents arguments got more frequent and my mother went crazy. She started secretly doing drugs and was insanely paranoid. She thought my dad was cheating on her and somehow monitoring her laptop, she quit her job because she thought her bosses were monitoring and changing her desktop layout on her office computer.

This made the arguments worse, she would try to show me “evidence” including the fact that my dad would close her browsers, the site she chose to show me that he was closing them from his phone was pornhub… wtf mom.

I got my bedroom door back when my Dad’s friend bought one and said I deserved my own privacy and space. This was during some major renovations on our house and I am very grateful for that.

I lost my boyfriend to a self inflicted GSW, and I took it pretty hard. My mother decided to use that pain against me to garner sympathy. Her preferred method was to take a loaded gun during an argument with my dad and run outside and threaten to kill herself. My dad opened my bedroom door (I was reading a book during this argument) and told me what was going on hoping I could calm her down. I was annoyed that I had to stop my reading to deal with this. And even more pissed that she is threatening to shoot herself after I was despondent because that’s how my boyfriend just died. I walked out there to her and had a loaded gun shoved in my face while she screamed that I hated her and that she should just kill herself. I went from screaming at her to “get the gun out of my face”to telling her to “just fucking do it” and eventually my brother (who thankfully was home that day) walked out and took the gun from her hands. I called the police and they said they couldn’t do anything about it. Thanks cops.

We had to renovate our only bathroom which led to us finding out our neighbor (an older man who raised me like his granddaughter) who I would work for and help often for very good pay- was a peeping tom with spy cameras in his bathroom that he offered to us during the renovation. My mother’s paranoia was good for something because she took the camera and opened the files, found all of us using the bathroom, and instead of going to the police, she deleted the footage and threw away the camera. I lost what I thought was a friend and a bit more of the safety and security of my home/family.

My dad apologized to me because he also felt the pain and loss of safety. My mother never mentioned it or tried talking to me.

On my 17th birthday, in front of my only 2 friends, she had a complete meltdown because I didn’t want to accept “birthday spankings” she blamed me for hating her and turning into my father. She ripped Christmas lights off the walls along with some wall trimming, she broke the bathroom door because I had shut myself inside and held the door shut so she kicked it until it splintered. One friend left and never came back, the other stayed with me, she’s still my best friend to this day, my mom hated her.

When I was 18, my mom set me up with one of her “friends” who was supposedly a wealthy older man who often commented on how beautiful I was to my mom on facebook. She made me go out to see his “employment offer” I brought my then boyfriend and the man wasn’t pleased. The payment was good, but the man was even worse than the peeping tom, he would often make conversation about sex and sexuality, and I would shut him down pretty aggressively, and he found that more appealing. The payment was good, and his advances never went beyond asking for nude photos that I would shut down. I was still getting paid until one day he got angry with me for denying him again, I stopped talking to him. He is a stain on the planet, and I hope his CHF caught up to him.

Thanks mom for putting me in that situation and not being supportive enough to get me out. I can’t say she’s fully to blame because I could’ve stopped it sooner but I wanted money to leave. My dad worked so much and did so much overtime (trying to stay away from home and provide for everyone) that he never noticed and I felt at the time that if I told him I would get into trouble, and my dad would be disappointed.

I left home and joined the military, just to get away. I met my now ex husband, and he moved in with me after training, we got our own apartment and I was finally free, we had our son and I attempted to involve my mother at my dads request. She proceeded to go against every rule I had for my son, including giving my 6 month old a straw full of soda for a laugh.

Soon after my parents finally got a divorce, my dad realized there was no fixing her. This led to her earning some misdemeanors and warrants, she got pulled over and was found with felony drug paraphernalia. She was arrested and bailed herself out, she requested $2500 from me to pay for her attorney while I was on deployment saying I was the last hope and she wouldn’t be asking if she wasn’t denied by my brothers and rest of my family. I only did so after deciding that she might just kill herself and blame me if I didn’t. She promised to pay me back, and I know I will never see that money. I stopped talking to her unless she messaged me first.
As time went on I started to rebuild the relationship with my dad, and his side of the family since my mother ostracized us from them out of jealousy because she didn’t appreciate not being the center of attention or having her ideals challenged during conversation. Through this I heard my mother was in a 12 step program and part of that was making amends- she messaged my father, which he confided in me to ask how to proceed. We came up with something along the lines of “it’s good that you’re working on yourself, however I will not be part of your program, best of luck”

My mother never reached out to me and that gave me the final answer on why I don’t have to forgive her or care about her because even when in a state mandated 12 step program, she couldn’t reflect on the fact that she was the driving cause of dysfunction in our family. She blames my dad for “brainwashing” me and my brothers into hating her. I refuse contact with her except for the short responses to her “I love you to the moon and back” which I reply only with “thanks. love you too.”

I feel like if I ever confronted her it would just end up in a screaming match. I don’t think I can handle seeing her try to excuse any of her actions and failures only to end up blaming me for everything.

TL,DR: TL,DR: I don’t forgive my mother for any of her actions while growing up, and she never contacted me about making amends. AIO for not wanting to forgive her and remaining nearly no-contact?

Update

She texted me again “ Hey baby. I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I want you to know that I love you so much!”

I decided to respond. No contact won’t solve anything, and just playing along encourages further meaningless interactions that genuinely make me feel horrible.

My response:

“Mom, I’m going to be honest.

When you message me, I get put into emotional turmoil.
I appreciate and understand where you’re coming from, but there are a lot of things that I find hard to forgive and forget about.

I feel like I am forcibly obligated to respond and be nice. But there is a lot I find hard to forgive especially when forgiveness and acceptance of your past actions haven’t been acknowledged.

This has been weighing on me for years, and each time I am torn between wanting to forget about everything and live my own life, and being obligated to respond to keep you from feeling bad, which makes me feel guilty because it’s like each time I respond it’s another instance of perceived forgiveness, when it’s not.

I can’t keep lying to myself, and I understand that I need to find it in myself to forgive but it’s hard to when it’s never been acknowledged.

I knew about your 12 step program and I was genuinely hurt when you never reached out to me to make amends. Especially when I was there for the brunt of most arguments playing referee or just having to deal with hearing it all. which has caused a lot of underlying issues like panic attacks when I hear people fighting.

I was also at the end of some really horrible situations I didn’t want to be put in but I didn’t really have a choice.

I understand you did your best. And I understand that you love me.

However, now that I am a mom and I’m having to fix myself and my own reactions to things, there are still situations I was put in that I could never understand or begin to forgive without acknowledgment. “

and now we wait…

So, a little background, I'm a queer + trans/gender non-conforming teenager (17) who's parents are divorced but have shared custody. I hate my dad and want to cut contact as soon as I turn 18, but I have no clue how to go about it. (for more context though it shouldn't neccesarily be needed: my dad is a narcissistic asshole who I've hated practically since I had a concious, and he's been bordeline emotionally abusive to me, my mother and my sister since I can remember)

i plan to decide to live only with my mom as soon as i turn 18 (because thats when i can legally decide that) but because my sister is a lot younger than me, i still feel responsible for protecting her. i dont think my dad would EVER be physically abusive, so i dont worry about that, but when my parents seperated and my dad moved away, a lot of the borderline abuse that my mom had been taking fell to me, and i dont want the same for her.

the only things i would worry about would be my sister and my things at my fathers house, so any advice regarding that would also be appreciated. my mom knows of the situation and i think shes aware that i want to cut contact so thats also not an issue. I do worry about things like my sister graduating middle school and subsuquently high school, and things like dance recitals, etc.

i'm planning on going to college out of state so that it will be harder for him to visit, maybe even across the country. i do live in the US, but not in any midwestern or southern states, and im not planning to go to college in any of those places, so laws and trans/queer harmful laws arent really an issue for me.

basically i would just like any advice on cutting contact in general, and how to navigate younger siblings and just going about navigating a situation like this. thank you guys in advance, i know this is a really heavy topic <3

My mom and I had a huge argument earlier this week and I’m wondering if I’m over reacting. I still live at home but am searching for places to move out that are in my price range and after this argument, I’m contemplating going no contact. Currently things have calmed down but only because I backed down with my boundary.
For context, my mother has bipolar and refuses to get medicated for it. She has a therapist but she weaponizes it against me saying that her therapist told her that I’m a bad child and I treated her bad when I was a teen (I’m 25 now) Our argument earlier this week sprung up because she was throwing hangers on the floor and told me I need to pick ones I want and that I can’t put them in a laundry basket when they are in my way. Said she doesn’t believe me when I told her I’d put them away and said “Well I don’t believe you because your father always lies about doing something for me but never follows through.” All of this said with a rude tone. I kind of hit a breaking point because this is something she does all the time. Blames everything on everyone else and uses it as an excuse to be mean. Ever since I was 14, I’ve tried to set a boundary that I don’t like hearing bad things about my dad or my sisters. Anytime I restate it, it blows up and that’s what happened this time. She flipped and started talking trash on my sister and saying how bad my sister is and how bad my dad treats her and she’s allowed to talk to me about it. I told her that it hurts to hear bad things about my loved ones. Ended up with her saying “Well I guess I’m just the worst mom ever”.
She went upstairs and started throwing stuff and slamming doors. I texted her (so I had proof of what was said) that my boundary stands but I love her and care about her. Well that set her off even more. She said “You have a lot of nerve young lady.” Said I’m acting holier than thou because I’m acting calm. Says she sees me for who I truly am now and that I never care about her or her feelings, I’m a manipulator, continues to say mean things about my dad and sisters and backs it up with all the horrible things she went through and how I’ll never understand. This tactic of blaming her meanness on the fact she was abused as a kid is a common thing that happens most days. Everyday she complains about something and it’s usually the same things over and over. My dad, my sisters, her step mom, me. So she kinda has a point. I don’t care much anymore because I hear it all the time. But I’ve never been rude in my response to it.
I don’t want to keep rambling but the rest of the argument escalated into her saying I’m not allowed to set boundaries with her, I’m a brat, I’m mean, she doesn’t want to hear about my hobbies anymore because I’m boring, I’m lazy, I’m a manipulator, I’m a liar, I’m selfish. She set the “boundary” that I’m not allowed to talk to her anymore. All of this while she gets in my face and legit starts clapping in my face. I finally scream my head off saying I can’t take it anymore. Ends with her kicking me out. She started throwing my stuff on the floor too. She got mad that my dad ended up interfering because he didn’t want to hear the yelling and she blames me for adding to the strain in her marriage. She said it was manipulative of me to do that when I reality, she called my dad earlier in the day to complain about me. I wasn’t even going to tell him.
Yesterday she finally calmed down but said that she is allowed to say whatever she wants to me because she needs constant reassurance for her past trauma and it doesn’t matter that I’m her kid and don’t want to hear it. I remained quiet.
The thing is, I know I’m not the perfect child and I have stuff to work on, but nothing actually bad or worthy of being spoken to like that. I forget to vaccum a lot or do my dishes but that’s about the extent of it.
I’m basically in survival mode now. She said I can stay until I can find a place and save up. But I’m so hurt. So extremely hurt. Idk how I can keep doing this but I don’t know if going no contact would actually help or just make things worse for my dad and sisters.
Thoughts??

My family shuns me and it finally came to a head today when I found a text message from my mother she didn’t mean to send to me. She called my husband my puppet, which is rude and wildly inaccurate, and then she tried to delete it but she’s not tech savvy. Then today she sent a fake nice message saying her and my dad wanted to sit with us to talk when my kids aren’t around (that’s never). So I kindly said she’s welcome to be wrong but not contemptuous and disrespectful and we had nothing to talk about and then the backpedaling started so I blocked her. It’s hard being an orphan by choice.

So I’ve been looking online and can’t find anything so this feels like a total shot in the dark.

A bit of background- I went no contact with my mum and haven’t spoken to her for over 5 years for various reasons but I had to protect myself. Moving 800 miles away wasn’t enough.

Since then I’ve received letters from her which I’ve ignored. I have now moved places and she should not know where I live. However, letters still showed up and recently she actually showed up at my door. Luckily my partner buzzed her in and she pushed a letter through the letterbox and ran away and we didn’t see each other but I made some calls and confirmed it was her.

Anyway, I recently got married and on the first day of the honeymoon I get a call from an old family friend saying that my mum had told him to tell me that she’s got a new job and will be an hour away from where I live every other week. Bear in mind that’s an 800 mile journey each way.

It’s really scared me because she knows where I live and now she can show up whenever she likes and I’m getting very paranoid about it. Every time the door bell goes I panic and I’m getting a bit scared to go out. I don’t want to live like this but the only thing I can think of doing is going to the police but that seems so extreme.

I’d really appreciate any advice anyone has.

Long story short I have 3 siblings with I’m no contact with. 2 being very recently. The reason I decided to block and cut ties was cause of my youngest sister. She’s an addict and has manipulated everyone. She won’t speak to me cause I don’t let her do it to me. She has a kid a few years ago who I ended up adopting. She hates me for it. Told me she’d rather her be in the foster care system then with me. She recently had another. I asked for placement of the baby and was granted it. I want the siblings to stay together. What set me off was them insinuating I can’t take care of a baby with my mental health and being medicated for it. They practically dumped the last one of me when I was actively suicidal and they knew that. I have never let it affect my ability to raise my kid. I’ve don’t years of therapy and group therapy to heal. Now that my youngest has manipulated them they are saying mean and horrible things about me. They also said I’m not a good supportive sister and my child’s behavioral problems are from me spoiling her. This child went through hell and back when she lived with her bio mom and I am trying to prevent the same thing from happening to the newest. Am I overreacting? My entire family refuses to act like the situation exists and wants to give my youngest sister what she wants cause they feel bad. I don’t understand. I think in a few months I’ll just cut off my entire family completely. Does it get easier? I miss our conversations and jokes but I have to look out for the kids.

AITAH?: I have made the decision for my own mental health to go "No Contact" with my biological dad and his wife (there is nothing about this woman that I would consider maternal, so no, she is NOT my stepmom).

The Tea: My biological parents got divorced when I was two and I grew up with and was raised by my mom and stepdad. My mom and stepdad were/are great parents.They always made sure I was always safe and never without love, essentials, or even extras. I am blessed to have them as parents. My bio dad was in my life, on occasion.

When I was younger he had custody of me on Sundays. I would go over to his house and he was such a great story teller and one of the funniest people I've ever met. I loved him and he will always be my "Daddio", as I call him. He and his longtime gf (now wife) have been together since the divorce of my biological parents (25+ yrs) and would both be at his house on Sundays, drinking and blasting music. Often my mom would have to pick me up if they started drinking early. They would get shitfaced in front of me weekly. Both of my parent's respective significant others have been in my life since I was a toddler. The difference, is immense in terms of love and engagement.

My stepdad taught me how to play basketball, comforted me when I cried, helped clean up my puke on the floor as a kid, etc. He was a role model, along with my mom and I felt safe. My bio dad didn't find the time, but always an excuse to not see my soccer, basketball games, or my many, many plays, academic assemblies, etc. He and his wife are long time, "functioning" alcoholics, they are both sick. I struggle with my own mental health, so I can empathize with the internal struggle with something you don't want. In fact I have been in ED recovery for three years after being hospitalized. My bio dad's wife had once left awful messages on my mom's phone in high school about my weight and how I had "blown up". For much of my life, I lived somewhat estranged from my bio dad and his now wife due to irresponsible or hurtful behaviors.

Fastforward to adulthood... In 2019, I lived out of state and my bio dad had a stroke, which left him with Wernicke's Aphasia. He is also partially paralyzed and can not speak fluidly without modification or additional resources. I moved home two years later and helped as much as I could. Again, with my own struggles and taking care of my actual parents at home left me making decisions where I did have to set boundaries and decide where to spend my time. I have visited and called and emailed, made song playlists and even was an active caregiver for my dad over the last few years, even helped him with bathroom care in emergencies. His wife, however, does not think I have done enough. She has sent passive aggressive and straight up aggressive texts to me saying as much... We have had a few arguments and discussions/even sometime collaborative caregiving prior.

A couple weeks ago, I had last spoken with my dad (in our own way), and let him know that I would see him for Father's Day at 1pm. The day before Father's Day, I left him a message saying that "I was excited to see him the following day at 1pm".... his wife texts me back that he has been in the ER for the last seven days. This is not the first time she has withheld communication or information regarding myself or my daddio to either of us. [The subtext she manufactured here is that I am so absent that I don't even know when he is in the hospital for a week, and since I don't know, I can't visit, which makes me more absent and estranged in my dad's already distorted perception.]. I cannot take anymore toxic behaviors.

That was it. She has withheld his hospital visits from me, as well as, prevented communication between my dad and I. [I do not know exactly where the seed of insidious envy and ill will came from, as I have been distant, but always pleasant with them.] It took me a few calls to track down my bio dad's hospital location and room but I did make it to see him in the hospital on Father's Day at 1pm. He was alone in the room, gaunt and frozen. He had had another stroke. My heart broke again and I just held his hand and caressed his head. I gave him a rosary and wrapped it around his hand and told him I have been praying for him and not to be afraid. I rested my head on his chest and before I left, I gave him my sweatshirt to hold if he needed comfort and because it smelled like me.

I was out of town for a week and had not heard any updates so I called the hospital and he is there but moved to another room. They tried to connect me to the phone in his room just now. It rang for over a minute. I was hoping there would be a message machine. I know he cannot pick up the phone himself due to limited dexterity and mobility but I was hoping he could hear my voice. I know that his wife will not facilitate any communication between he and I. Thus, anyway to speak or see him must be entirely on me, without assistance from either.

I do plan on visiting him in the hospital again, but when do I stop chasing him? AITAH if I set it down and let them live together and give up the drama, but in so doing, giving up the limited time I do see my estranged bio dad? I know he knows I love him and vice versa. I have said many goodbyes to him, not knowing when the last time I will see him will be. The mental toll of the guilt and the constant anxiety of chasing him or trying to innovate a way to find and communicate with him has been emotionally taxing. The situation is cruel. If I put it down, I know she will certainly think I am the A-hole for "abandoning my daddio", but AITAH?

How does it feels to have no Family
Did you ever regrets it?
What is the hardest part?