My mom reached out yesterday. Its been about 10 months of low contact, and some of the most peaceful months of my life.
It went like this:
Mom: Good morning. I love you and want you in my life. You are my daughter and I miss you. I would love a quick call just to hear your voice.
Me: I’m happy to FaceTime with you and the kids. I want to be clear, though, that I don’t want a close personal relationship. I’m comfortable with a more distant relationship that is mainly focused around the kids, and that’s what I’m able to offer.
Mom: Okay. I thought I would try. I am not interested in that sort of relationship with you. I am trying to come to terms with this, but it is incredibly difficult as you can imagine for a mother to lose her child. I hope it never happens to you.
Me: that would be your choice
The thing is, she didn’t lose her child. Her child finally decided that she wanted boundaries and that her f**** up childhood was too much for her to bare.
I don’t live near her, thank God, so being able to FaceTime with her is what I’m willing to do which I think is more than enough. Am I going crazy? It sends me into a spiral for days when I get these stupid messages.
She only wants the relationship with me if it’s on her terms.
I have two children, what they feel and care for is so important to me. It’s so ironic.